Y2kk Update: I still can't believe I missed my goddam exam...

I can't do anything about it anymore though... I'm going to school tomorrow to hand in my second medical certificate from the day in question. But really, what else can I do but beg my fucking professors to pass me in the term?...

If you one or two readers out there still haven't read my latest download update, I might as well reiterate here that I really fucked up my final term of university, by goddam sleeping in on the day of the final of a course that I was goddam retaking... That can't be good for business. Hell, that can't be good for anyone... sans the people out there laughing at my pathetic misfortune by now...

The real reason why I slept through my alarm on Friday, was because I was sick with the stomach flu... While my throat and gut are fine now, I still do feel warm. I'm not 100% healthy yet, so at least I know that the flu I felt was real, and not just fabricated from the mind. Fabrications don't normally last three or four days...

But part of me still blames my brother... as if I was just too goddam depressed from what he did on my birthday, to even get up that morning for my goddam exam...

I mean, he threw a party on my birthday. The only problem was, the party was for himself, not for me...

He wanted an end-of-school-year bash with all his university buddies. And I did allow the party to go through... I just wanted to see what would happen, right?... I've never been to a party with girls and a keg before. I wanted to know what a real university get together was like...

... the only problem was, it was at my house...

... on my fucking birthday...

... and what hurt me the most, was that my brother didn't even give a damn about me at all...

... it was my fucking birthday, for Christ's sakes... and yet?...

The day was all about his friends. He didn't even cook me dinner, after cooking for his friends endless amounts of steaks and hamburgers and God knows what else on the barbeque...

The thing is... despite the fact that I was now surrounded by assholes that I didn't know or trust one bit... despite the fact that I knew that I would be stuck with the fucking party clean-up the day after, simply because it was my house that was the host... despite the fact that I was eating take-out leftovers for my goddam birthday dinner, while sitting alone in my goddam basement...

... the thing is... there was still one thing that I was looking forward to that evening...

...

You see, there's this girl from my high school... and I admit, I've never technically liked her. Romantically, I mean...

... but I've known her for a long time... a very long time by now...

Afterall, she was my brother's crush... not mine...

The two of them were close for about eight or so years of their lives by the time high school ended. They even agreed to marry each other by the age of 30, if neither of them were married yet to another person... They even wrote in their goddam yearbooks that they were each other's secret crushes. Not like it was much of a secret, of course... they were pretty much the only Chinese guy and girl 'couple' in their bloody hell high school year... and, well....

I've never really liked this girl, romantically speaking... She's always been the apple of my brother's eye, not mine.

But the thing is... ever since university started, the two of them drifted apart... Hell, my brother almost seems to refuse to talk to her these days. He's finally moving on from his high school friends, sort of completely ditching them in the process, and she's definitely on the ditch list...

And yeah, she's cute... I have a thing for all Chinese girls, so...

And yeah, she talks to me. Always has, probably always will... We have history afterall.

The thing is, she always considers me as a "backup" man, the way she views my brother now I guess...

I know it and she knows it - don't shoot the messenger, but... she's kind of a whore... well, the way she dates so many guys, one after another it seems... in my opinion at least...

Literally every time I see her almost, she always has a new Chinese male on her shoulder. Holding hands, locking arms, licking lips - the whole shit fest in front of my jealous eyes... Always...

I've always been backup number 571 to her, on her list of 580 guys or something... And she keeps on getting more and more backup guys, every time she visits university... and of course, I always get pushed further and further down the list, until she dumps her next boyfriend and gets another at least...

.. yeah, I've always had a slight thing for her. She's on my backup list... although that list of mine has been and always will be pretty damn short...

Ywah, I always have other women that I seem to like over her... In high school, there was the Beautifully Minded Girl, the ILuvYou girl, and of course my obsession... and now? There's the half Chinese girl at my university, there's this other hot Chinese bitch that constantly ignores me, and of course, there's always still the obsession in the back of my mind... and also at the front of my penis...

... but yeah... after all the A-lists, of girls I have a crush on who simply roll their eyes at me?... then yeah, my brother's old crush is always still there on the list... always enduring on the list of hopefuls... and why?

Yeah, she's cute... she'll always mean something to me, simply because we've talked to each other so many times that she's the only girl I feel comfortable around these days...

...

Even so, or maybe so... that's why I was surprised by what she told me on the train the other week...

When we departed, she told me she'd see me on Wednesday. I asked her how she knew that she would, since all of our encounters are by chance, on campus or in our tiny little town... And she told me that my brother invited me to the party; that she would be coming, and bringing cake as well...

... and I dunno... even though I knew nothing would happen between the two of us, it still gave me at least some sort of relief, to know there would be a friendly face in the house amongst all my brother's goddam university strangers, strangling me on my goddam birth date...

Later that week, I asked my brother why he invited her... And he told me that essentially, she had invited herself. She was wondering when my birthday was over MSN, and since I wouldn't tell her, she asked my brother instead. When he told her all about April 20th and the party, she promised him that she'd come and bring a cake, and sing me happy birthday and shit like that...

... and yeah, no matter how sappy as that sounds... that did kinda make me feel happy...

... gave me something to look forward to... if only in comparison to how shit-faced the rest of the day would be...

I mean, a bloody hell exam and a brother's keg party on my fucking birthday?...

... the only thing that could ever save the day, would be a pretty face amongst the crowd...

... a friendly face... one I wouldn't mind seeing anyday of the week...

...

... yeah, well...

... she didn't show...

... she never showed...

I had gluttonous dreams of greatness and grandeur, of her holding my hand... or even getting a fucking birthday blowjob or some shit like that...

But she never showed. And why?... well...

... I can only assume it was because she was too busy studying for her exams, but....

Either way, she didn't show.

Best in show. And I was the laughing stock of nerds in a barrel yet again...

I was stuck with a house of fucking fucktards who may have all said happy birthday to me, but didn't give one damn bit about what the fuck the party was doing to me... or really what day it was...

She would've cared, at least.

She just wasn't there, that's all...

... But bah, whatever. I wasn't going to get a blowjob anyways.

Sure, I was disappointed... but her being a no-show? Alas, that was only one of the multiple things that fucked me over that night, spiraling me into a fucking fit of morbid depression by the time I started getting sick with the stomach flu Thursday night...

And if she had showed?... well... nothing would've happened, except me blushing like a fool if she really did bring that cake and sing me that song...

Nothing would've changed, I bet... nothing would've gone better the following next days...

... I still would've gotten sick... I still would've fucking missed my final exam of university, out of fucking sheer negligence and laziness, but... still...

She didn't show. That's all I know...

... and even if she's never really been a girl I've been attracted to? Never really a girl I've ever lusted for?...

... still... she's a girl I've always cared for, on some level at least...

And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me, that she said she'd show and yet she didn't...

Things might've been different then...

Maybe my birthday wouldn't have fucking sucked...

... well... except for the blowjob, I mean...

Happy birthday to me, indeed...

Y2kk Update: Well, long time no MSN update...

... but since I have final exams starting in about half a week? I thought I'd get some stuff off my chest first, while I still can... or off my penis, really...

Because it's finally spring-time up here in Canada again. And you know what that means, for horny ol' perverted me...

... well...

The last time I was really horny and wrote about it on this website of mine, it was after that NBA All-Star game... I thought that was Kelly Clarkson singing "Rocky Mountain High" in a goddam irresistible, slinky basketball jersey. But it wasn't her... Clarkson's never looked that good, and I knew it...

Apparently, the girl singing the song was a Colorado native by the name of "Tobey Bright"-something, or whatever... Either way, she turned me on so damn much that night that it wasn't even funny. There was just something about her skin, the way her arms glinted and glistened with that silky jersey of hers, and the goddam sexy way she wore those glasses on her absolutely adorable face... I don't know...

... I just know that if I had a missus that night, I would've nailed her to the fucking bed a dozen times fold... I was really burning up the night I wrote that last MSN update of mine...

Then I actually saw some pics of this Tobey girl on her website... without her glasses, really...

... and, umm... it's like a goddam reverse Superman complex, really...

Tobey looks fucking ugly without her glasses on in all her pics...

... hell, she looked like a more female version of Tobey Maguire, sadly...

... or a more manly version... not that that's really hard to do or something...

... and yeah, you can bet your ass that I was disappointed...

... if I ever got to tap that ass, I'd for sure demand that she keep her glasses on...

... and maybe that basketball jersey too... couldn't hurt, now would it?...

...

Well, that was the last time that I was really horny and really couldn't control it...

... but now that Spring's back? You can bet your ass that I'd be staring at all sorts of tits and asses again...

I mean, on the GO train ride home the other day, I swear I saw the absolute hottest girl I've ever seen in person in my entire life...

... her fucking golden hair was absolutely perfect. It was like it came right out of a goddam shampoo commercial or something... photoshops and miracle lighting included...

Her clothes were business casual, but damn were they ever fine... A tight blouse with blazer, with just the ever hint of a tease of cleavage... and God, maybe it was just a push up bra or something, but damn did her breasts look ever perky... I even think I saw nipples somehow piercing through that blouse of hers...

Her legs were so fucking fine. A damn fine mini-skirt, exposing some of the smoothest damn stems I've ever seen in my entire life...

And her face? It reminded me of Amy Acker's, actually... a bit on the thin and bony side, but damn was she ever sweet and adorable looking... She didn't look like a whore. She just looked absolutely angelic and goddam hot and horny at the same time, and I just couldn't resist staring....

... well, it helped that she was wearing goddam sexy glasses as well...

Why the fuck do I have this thing for goddam hot girls with glasses? I'll never know...

... all  I do know, is that as a guy with his eyes open, I couldn't help but stare...

... and heh... on that train ride home, she kinda noticed too...

... she started looking at me weirdly, as if I was stalking her or something... and first chance she got, she took a new seat where I no longer had a clear line of sight of her...

... ain't love grand?...

... yeah, well... considering she was hotter than most actresses and supermodels I've seen in my life somehow, of course I had no chance with that business girl on the train... I had no business with her, although her stocks were definitely rising when she was hugging and giggling with that girlfriend of hers...

... nice...

...

On the university front, I've definitely had my fair share of horny moments, now that the Sun is finally shining in Canada again for once...

The girl I always talk about... the fucking bitch I always talk about...

I don't know whether university residence is just having a good effect on her. Or whether she's just maturing as a lady... or whether it's because of my goddam sheer jealousy of the fact that she's always goddam cuddling and kissing with her boyfriend in school...

... all I do know is, damn has she been hot these past few weeks...

She's dressing better, that's for sure... When I was friends with her, she would wear those goddam awful scarves and mittens and sweaters, even in the Spring time, that only the retarded tree huggers would ever bother with in high school... Sure, the tree hugger look turned me on back then. I had a fetish for it, as long as the geek girls also wore glasses... but the girl I always talk about rarely wore her glasses, so her pseudo-trendy clothes were always such a goddam turn off for me...

But maybe all the girls in her residence are finally vibrating some sense into her or something? Girlfriend style and all... because damn, does she ever look hot in all those tight T-shirts she's wearing these days...

She has small breasts. But shit, no matter how small a girls' boobs may be, a tight T-shirt and push-up bra almost always makes breasts look so goddam succulent as hell in the Spring daylight... and shit, she never wore this shit when she was with me. Why the fuck is she wearing it now? To taunt me?... or just to turn on her goddam boyfriend always by her side?...

... hell, she even wears her hair better now. Instead of always rolling it into a god-awful bun or braid or ball, as if she was auditioning for Star Wars or something, she's letting her brown hair grow and glitter and actually hang down and wave and flow in the streams of sunshine outside... She actually looks hot now. And it's fucking driving me insane...

... maybe it's just jealousy talking...

....

... or maybe it's just goddam Spring fucking with my mind all over again...

... because she's not the only girl getting me to fucking wet my pants (well, not literally... sort of...)...

There's this other girl in school that I've had my eye on. A half Chinese girl, actually...

... now, she was a girl I eyed back in first year as well. Until she disappeared... I always had a thing for her thanks to her hair. She had sweet as hell brown hair... but she disappeared after first year (though I learned last year, it was mainly because she had failed first year... and I never bothered with the year below me much, so...)...

Well, now that I've been retaking goddam third year courses, I've gotten to know her again quite a bit actually...

She doesn't have the prettiest face or voice. But I don't know... something about her just screams out to me to just grab her and do a million dirty things to her body... she just seems so innocent and pure, that I just gotta make her scream and scream for more...

I mean, I feel perfectly normal whenever I talk to her, face to face...

... but as soon as I look down at her legs?... or specifically, what's between her legs?...

... I don't know... maybe it's just the fucking sweet ass, tight jeans she always wears, but...

God, the last time I looked down there, I swear my whole body felt like it was ready to implode and fuck her apart...

I've never felt that horny before. In my life.

I was literally ready to jump her, and do all kinds of unmentionable things to her fucking pussy and ass...

I mean, how do I explain the feeling?... It was like a dry orgasm. With so much blood and semen coursing through my veins, but nowhere to goddam go from there... until that feeling just spread to the rest of my goddam body, and I just had to bang her then and there...

... except that I didn't... I never do... but still, every single fucking time...

... this happens every single fucking time I look down at her vagina. Her pussy is irresistible, absolutely irresistible... and I don't know why...

... well...

... then again, maybe I'd feel that horny every time I goddam get that goddam close to a pussy. It's just that, unlike most girls, she actually talks to me sometimes... allowing me to actually get within arms and sometimes even penis range of the ultimate goal of all men for once...

... sometimes, that is...

She obviously has no interest in me. She only talks to me when I initiate, and she ignores me pretty much every other time, even if I'm right in her line of sight... She's probably wary of me, just like every other girl. I have a nasty little habit, of scaring them off with my stalkerness, I guess...

I had a wet dream the other night about her though... I dreamt of some blue, smoking drug in a cave we were both exploring or something. And once we both sniffed a blue whiff of that drug, we lost control of ourselves and had fucking non-stop sex for three straight days and three straight nights... She couldn't get enough of my cock in that dream. Until I started fucking her up the ass... she was cumming like crazy still, tears and screams streaming from her lower eye, but that wasn't the only thing that was coming out...

... uggh... her ass started getting covered by her own shit...

... that grossed even me out... and I woke up... obviously wet and disgusted by what I just dreamt...

Nastiest dream I ever had...

... but hey... I guess doing her pussy in sixty nine different positions for three straight days, wasn't such a bad sacrifice in the end...

... but still... uggh... *shudder*...

... just plain nasty...

...

... of course, I ain't gonna get any of these girls. The girl on the train was running away from me after just thirty seconds of me being in the goddam same vicinity as she was...

The girl I always bitch about?... well, she's a pure bitch anyways. A hot one now, with goddam tight and tiny T-shirts. But still ever a bitch, that I just can't talk to anymore without rolling my eyes... she discarded me a long time ago anyways...

And the half Chinese girl that I've been eyeing her lower eye? I love her personality, and I obviously love her pussy... But hey, she ignores me, just like every other girl out there. She willingly talks to just about every single guy but me... while I can hope that that's some sort of foreplay or something, chances are, she's just as sickened by me as I am from goddam shit coming out of her ass while I'm in it...

... uggh...

Still, it's Spring Time. It's finally Spring time... And I'm feverous as hell with them bits and pieces down below...

... of course, just like every single fucking year, it ain't gonna go anywhere, and it ain't doing anyone...

... and the cycle will rinse and repeat next year... lather, whip, rinse, and repeat...

... well, sort of...

... with university essentially done (I pray...), things may finally change next year...

... pfft... yeah right...

... universities have the goddam easiest pussies in the world, and yet still I'm a goddam virgin...

... but still...

... I can still dream dirty dreams, now can't I?...

... not that dirty though... uggh...

... even I have my perverted limits...

... I can't even count right...

... she and I make sixty-nine?...

... sigh... if only...

Y2kk Update: Okay, from where I'm standing, it's late at night... and I really, really should just hit the sack so I can wake up on time tomorrow... I have a fucking big ass project to do at university yet again, afterall...

... and yet I just don't think I can get to bed without getting something off of my chest first...

... and that is, simply put...

... I am fucking horny...

... and it bugs me to hell just why...

...

... Now, I just finished watching the NBA All-Star game. And the game itself, was pretty much as crappy of a form of procrastination as a guy can ever hope to achieve...

... but what really struck me, what really sucks for me tonight... was that absolutely adorable girl who sang "Rocky Mountain High", right before Beyonce and Destiny's Child ruined whatever kind of horny mood I was in...

... because goddammit, that girl was hot...

... I assume she must've been Kelly Clarkson, judging from the musical performance lists I've found on the net... but I've seen Kelly Clarkson before. She ain't that blond, she ain't that cute in a tight NBA uniform, and I've never seen her wear glasses before... though I admit, I haven't seen her much...

But if that was Kelly Clarkson, looking like the finest girl I've seen in a hell of a long time?... then I guess I'll be seeing more of her, sooner than later, me thinks...

... well, not really her, actually...

... just the image I have of her now...

... the ideal... the fetish...

...

... You see, I seem to have a real damn fetish, when it comes to blond, geeky-looking girls with glasses... I was positively attracted beyond all disbelief to Theresa S. from Canadian Idol... And if that really was Kelly Clarkson with that fine ass hair and glasses tonight, then I guess I really do have a thing for Idol girls or whatever sort of crap...

Whenever I roam around the arts and sciences areas of my university (where we engineers are essentially taboo), the only girls who ever get my attention, are the ones with glasses over their eyes (or hats over their heads, but that's a story for another day...)... When it comes to brunettes wearing glasses, I seem to have a thing for them only when their hair is long and silky... But when it comes to blondes with glasses? Sure, the long hair helps. But it doesn't matter what the length is, or how cute their face is, or even if their body is hot or not. It just seems for blondes, that as long as they're fucking wearing glasses, I get turned on more than I do for pretty much any other type of girl out there...

Blondes with glasses... they are my fetish...

... and I wish I didn't know where this fetish of mine all came from... where it all began...

... sigh...

... it all started with my obsession...

... I guess it can only end with my obsession...

...

... fuck, it's been four years since I last saw her, pretty much...

And yet still, the only look in a girl that truly turns me on, is the blonde hair with glasses... which was exactly what my obsession was in high school...

... she was pretty much the only one I knew like that in high school...

I still keep tabs on her, like an ever great stalker in the online shadows, even if she doesn't know or just doesn't care that I'm doing so...

Now, she wrote about this almost a year ago to this day, but it's still been chiseling away at my gut for eight damn months... and it's just so goddam stupid as to why...

I mean, she wrote on her website that she gets embarrassed whenever her friends see her "O-face"...

... and, well...

... obviously, knowing her "experimental" sort of ways back in high school, I knew she would slut it up in university. Hell, I even heard that she started fucking a third year guy, the very first week that she got to first year of university... and she's been a casual sex slut ever since, I'm sure...

... I just wonder whether she was actually a virgin going into university or not...

... I highly doubt it, though... but still, there was always that faint glimmer of hope... that she was saving something for me...

... and hell, there was always that faint glimmer of hope... just a wee bit, at least... until she made it official on her blog to me, that she didn't just have sex with her close boyfriends... she was pretty much having sex with everyone, whenever she was fucking lonely or bored...

... with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends... now, I definitely prefer the latter, but still... I just don't know...

... something sort of died in me that day...

...

Maybe it wasn't all the sex she was having (and me with none, ever) that was getting to me... I think what really fucking bothered me, was the fact that she was enjoying it...

Now, I guess that's a dumb, oxymoron of a thing to ponder... I mean, how could a person possibly not enjoy sex in university, right?...

... the land of sexual experimentation... the period of pleasure... and for us guys at least (though definitely not for me), the place of the easiest fucking pussy pie that we'll ever get in our single goddam lives... and probably the same goes for her too...

... I don't know... I guess even though I knew she was having all sorts of sex, I was still hoping that it was somehow not satisfying to her... that somehow, it just didn't feel right, without me being inside of her... or some sort of mushy, pussy crap like that...

... God, I was hoping that she never really experienced an orgasm...

... and then she wrote on her website about her uterus being on fire...

... over and over and fucking over again...

... uh huh...

... sex addict...

... come one, come all...

... she's a whore... end of story...

... which is essentially why I've written so little about her, since one year ago...

... hmm... I wonder if she's a screamer?...

...

But yeah, something did die in me that night, for some goddam sired reason...

And yet every single fucking time I see a blonde on television or on the streets, wearing glasses, I get all turned on in ways that can only be explained through my goddam obsession and goddam fetish...

Who knows? Maybe I've always had a thing for blondes, long before I met her, right?...

... then again, I met her first in Grades 3 and 4... hard to fathom that I had the hotties for cuties before then, considering the whole cooties plague going around and all at the time...

So what am I going to do?... I hate my obsession, for being more attracted to sex than she ever will to love...

... I hate the fact that she admits, that a fucking horde of guys by now have all seen her "O-face"...

... I hate the fucking fact, that I'm not the one giving her the fucking orgasms...

... I really have no control over her comings and goings, now do I?... I never did...

... and yet, my subconscious mind just won't fucking let her go...

And, well... in the meantime, I'm just gonna go to bed...

And hope that a fucking wet dream of the girl with glasses, doesn't wake me up like she did last night...

... well, actually... I was dreaming about my female cousin, sucking my cock while pretending to be my obsession...

... but, umm... that's a story, for another day... and hopefully, another lifetime...

Y2kk Update: Okay... maybe I'm on a need to know basis or some shit like that, but seriously, I need to know...

Just what the fuck has been wrong with me lately?...

...

I completely forgot to tell my cousin "Happy Birthday", even though he practically called me each and every day this week...

I completely forgot to tell my friend from America "Happy Thanksgiving", even though I e-mailed him practically every damn morning...

I know that I've been knee deep in university assignments lately. I've been at school from 9 in the morning to 11 at night pretty much... But I've been there and done that before without any of the weird feelings and Pontiac fucking vibes I'm getting right now. Hell, I can barely even type properly without some Freudian slip coming out as some strange ass typo...

And oh, did I mention that I almost got in a damn car accident yesterday?

I was all pissed off at the time that the fucking video game I just bought for dirt cheap didn't have a fucking proper Xbox case... But honestly, keep your fucking eyes on the road, I should've told myself... I was at a left turn, and I seriously didn't see anyone coming. So I started turning as soon as the light went green, only to notice almost too damn late that there was one damn car that was waiting to go straight... So for some fucking damn reason, my eyes completely had glazed over the fucking car coming right at me at the intersection. I of course slammed on the brakes and he did too, and I tried to apologize with my arms through the front window as I let him pass... But honestly, what the fuck was the matter with me? Sure, I may have almost (and have hit) cars in parking lots before a dozen times by now. But on the road? I've never fucking almost hit someone on the fucking road, and yet I wasn't even goddam paying enough attention to the fucking street to notice when I was about to have a fucking accident? What the fuck is wrong with me?...

Seriously... What the fuck is the matter with me lately?...

It was the same damn thing in my Software Engineering presentation yesterday... Now, the details of that, I was going to write on my download site this weekend. Still might later this week, although I really should've gotten around to it amidst all my procrastination the past two days...

The thing is, throughout my presentation, I could literally feel my fucking dick ready to pop... For the past few weeks, for every damn project or assignment or lab that's been pressuring me, I've been feeling the pressure effects down below. And if you don't know what I'm fucking talking about, you might as well read the update I wrote down below a couple weeks ago... as goddam embarrassing as that was...

Now, I know that I haven't had a presentation in school since my goddam high school days, but honestly, it was just plain sad... I felt like I was going to orgasm a dozen times over during my damn presentation. I could just picture it now - when it was my turn to speak, the first fucking thing to come out of my mouth would be "ooohh" as my eyes glaze over... right in front of my professor's wife, of course... how charming...

Luckily, when it was finally my turn to speak, I lost all sense of frustration and pressure, and of course just acted like my cocky, pompous presentation self... and afterwards? All the weird masturbation feeling down in my extremities was finally gone... but the real question is, why the fuck was it there in the first place?

What the fuck has been the matter with me for the past few weeks?...

... Seriously.

Why the fuck have I been...

... so... damn...

... horny?...

... it doesn't make fucking sense...

...

... I don't know... To be honest, I even feel horny right now. I feel like I really, really want a girl to grope my penis. I simply can't stop thinking about fingering a female's loins, and I don't know why. I've had wet dreams for almost the entire week, and unlike most nights, I actually enjoy them... I don't remember why the hell I ejaculate in my dreams. I don't remember the women, or the humping, or the tea cups, or the fucking FAGan inspections, or whatever cause me to spurt in the first place... All I do remember, is that last night, I just felt so damn happy in my dream when I came. And that's not normal for me... normally, I just try to hold it in so that I wouldn't have to fucking wake up... but not this week... and I don't know why...

I guess it's possible that all the damn work I've been doing is finally started to get repressed in memory... and now that I actually do see some cute girls in my engineering school again (since some came back from PEY co-op from the year ahead of me... there's one really hot Chinese Canadian chick there... and then there's a reasonably pretty half-Chinese girl out there, who just seems to have a personality I really seem to like... go figure...)... now that I'm finally finding hope again that maybe one of these days, I won't be forever single?... and of course, I have been seeing the girl I always fucking talk about, fucking cuddling with that fucking boyfriend she stole from her former best friend this year... I guess the pent up jealousy can get to a person after a while, especially after she started wearing her hair in a way that actually reminded me of the days she actually was damn sexy...

... I just don't know...

... all I do know, is that while I love all the orgasms I'm having for no fucking reason whatsoever, I certainly don't love where and when the fuck I'm having them...

... at this point, I would page Dr. Freud or Dr. Kinsey... or just damn well see the movie...

... but truth be told?...

... fuck... I think I really need a girlfriend...

... best viewed in Netscape 3 (w/o javascipt on) at 800 x 600 resolution and 256 colours, because that's what I run at ...