Y2kk Update: Hey, guys.

Wanna hear an embarrassing story?...

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Seriously.

... because I sure as hell ain't laughing about it still...

You remember that job offer I got earlier this week? The one where I would be a senior programmer analyst, a position which I clearly did not deserve and clearly did not have any confidence in myself to do whatsoever?...

You know, the position for which during the interview, I was told directly not once but actually twice by the manager, that I simply did not have neither the skills nor the experience nor the fucking qualifications required for the goddam job?...

Yeah, well?... sigh...

... fond memories...

That sure as hell was a riot...

... even moreso when two weeks late, the asshole actually called me back...

The thing is, I got the job offer on Monday, as my download update below quite numerously states. I knew in my heart and gut the moment that he told me "congratulations", that something was amiss. Why else would the fucker call me back two fucking weeks after the cut-off date for selecting the winning candidate? If anything, either he couldn't find an employee he actually did like (and went for me due to potential), or every other fucking candidate on his fucking list turned him the fuck down...

And why wouldn't they? The fucking job in actuality was nothing like it was posted in the first place. The ad mentioned front-end and middleware-tier work, not the fucking ancient bullshit of COBOL and IBM mainframes and shit like that which he was praising and honouring without end during the fucking interview...

Basically, what was advertised in the newspapers was a real programmer's job...

But what the job actually was, was the goddam garbage chute of the goddam programming world...

A fucking dead-end job. For old programmers now looking for a fucking decent salary and fucking stability until they finally roll over and die...

I walked out of that interview, not just completely demoralized (and laughing) from the fact that the manager flat out told me to my face twice that I wasn't worth his time or effort, but shaking my head at the poor soul who would end up taking this job in the end. It sounded awful, like a fucking retirement pension plan for old employees who actually worked with COBOL back in the 60's and 70's...

And then what do you know?...

Two weeks late, he called me back...

... and I got the job offer...

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

...

Regardless of whether I was actually the first or even the last fucking candidate selected from the manager's fucking list, the prospect of a guaranteed job that pays SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS per year was more than just enticing to me. Sure, the guy over the phone was acting fishy as fucking hell, but what other job offers (or interviews) did I really have to fall back on? What choice did I really have?...

And the thing was, the way that the manager guy was making it sound over the phone? It was as if he was doing me a favour, changing around the job so that it would be dealing with mostly front and middle-tier programming languages in the end, and only barely touching on the fucking primitive COBOL bullshit that he talked about non-stop in the interview...

He actually made the job sound decent, completely unlike in the interview...

He said that the backend IBM mainframe crap would be "handled". But what the fuck does that mean?...

I mean, it's not that I didn't trust the guy...

It's just that?...

No, wait. That's it.

I really didn't trust the guy...

Why the fuck would he completely change the job description? Was it because nobody else would take the job? Was it because he saw how young I was, and figured that I might be worth keeping (even after he fucking told me straight to my face that I was a worthless piece of shit)? Was he mandated by a superior to at least put a patsy into the office place, a quiet guy would just fill up space which all the older people could pick on as a fucking rookie?...

What the fuck was his real agenda? Why call me? Why call me more than two weeks late? Why call me for the same damn job title, yet a completely different job description? Why the fuck would he offer me SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS, when he fucking waved and brushed me off in the interview as if I was his illegitimite child?...

WTF?...

...

I had a hard choice to make... and I couldn't make my choice immediately then and there over the phone...

I asked for a "couple" of days to think about it. He said sure, and then told me congratulations again over the phone, as if he completely forgot that he had already destroyed all my confidence in the fucking bullshit interview that we had...

My parents thought that my decision was a no brainer. I mean, how the fuck can you pass over SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS a year plus an important, quasi title like "Senior Programmer Analyst", am I right? Especially when I didn't have any other job offers on the table, let alone even another fucking interview at the time (and still don't, by the way)...

A big time job had just been handed to me on my lap with a fucking cherry on top. How the fuck often does that ever happen?...

The thing is though, I didn't trust this guy. I didn't trust the manager at all...

"This job sucks".

That's exactly what I thought when leaving the interview room that day. And that's exactly the feeling I got when the guy was congratulating me over the phone...

I don't want to waste the next six or seven months of my life, potentially doing fucking COBOL maintenance shit on an ancient IBM mainframe that was already obsolete back when Michael Jackson was still fucking black...

My parents just don't understand the concept that sometimes, you just want a job that either you a) enjoy, or b) actually helps your career in the long run...

Obviously, I wouldn't enjoy this job. That much is a fact. Although I do admit, the manager over the phone did make it sound much more enticing than he ever did in the fucking interview itself...

But the thing is, unless he was actually honest and serious over the phone, how I will be using ASP VB6 for the front-end and Microsoft SNA for the middle-end? The thing is, if the job actually turns out to be the fucking same as outlined in the fucking interview, that means I will have wasted my next six or seven fucking months of my life on fucking COBOL, a language so out of date that it actually looks bad to put onto any modern technical resume...

It's like if you wanted to be a MD doctor, yet you chose to spend half of a year working at a McDonald's. Would you really put that shit on your resume, if the job before the McDonald's was a fucking pediatrician or some shit like that?...

Sure, I can lie on my resume, claiming that the job really was about ASP and SNA, even if all I ever really do is sit behind a desk and type in fucking DOS-prompt commands for fucking useless COBOL. But what about future contacts? What about companies checking references? Can I really pull off a convincing lie in an interview such as that?...

I seriously have no poker face. No lie...

What about actually learning something from a job? What possible use can there be for a young graduate like me, if the job itself really is just pushing a fucking blinking gren button on the screen before me? How the fuck would COBOL of all derivative languages, actually help me learn hibernation in Java or how to properly optimize Visual Studio .NET 2005? Sure, I can try to practice all this shit on my own at home, but what use really is a job if I learn nothing of use from it?...

A bit idealist? Perhaps... but at this early stage of my career, I ain't desperate enough to just take any goddam job...

And the fact of the matter is, do I even have confidence in doing such a job? Sure, I can pull off the old ASP and SNA parts I'm sure, considering I've done ASP.NET and CORBA in the past. But can I really learn fucking JCL and COMTI and fucking COBOL all in a span of a couple fucking weeks on my own, considering the fucking manager wanted to plug me into a terminal at work ASAP?...

The thing is, I'm only twenty fucking four years old. And I will be working with a team of fourteen people, the average age of which will be over fucking forty I'm sure (I took a good look at the workers in the office while I was there)...

Sure, at my old place, I worked with forty and fifty year olds just plain fine. But that was a business HR oriented sort of place, where I was no fucking threat to anyone but the ancient I&IT guys (who screwed me over in the end, might I add)...

But here, at the new place? I would be a 24-year old fucking "Senior Programmer Analyst", essentially the fucking boss of thirty, forty and even fucking fifty year olds. To make matters even worse and more hostile for my arrival, I will be given a fucking senior position after just one fucking year (or less) of total work experience, when the people I will be barking orders to have been working for ten or fucking twenty years of their fucking lives while hoping to ever get a fucking position like mine...

Would anyone honestly expect me to get a fucking warm welcome from any of these old farks of farts? Hell, if politics were what fucked me over at my old workplace, than I'd hate to be the boss of things at the new place...

How the fuck am I supposed to learn the job then? Shall I try asking all my fellow employees of 40 years of age how to fucking even get started with the fucking ancient COBOL language? I have absolutely ZERO experience with IBM mainframes, and I will look like a completely dunce of an asswipe if as a "Senior Programmer Analyst", I have to go asking my own lackeys for basic fundamental help all the time...

Would they even help me? Sure, I think it's kind of paranoid to just assume that everyone at the new office would be out to get me. But how the fuck am I supposed to think they'd react if a fucking 24-year old nobody was suddenly given a position that they themselves have been coveting for years, if not decades?...

A little animosity, perhaps? And yet I'd expect them to go out of their way to fucking help me? I'd just be lucky if they ignored me and didn't try to sabotage me, of all damn things...

You have to earn respect over time. I don't think I can earn it in just two fucking weeks...

If I took the job, not only would it be detrimental to my resume (potentially, unless my manager wasn't lying about the new and altered job description), not only would I waste half a year of my life on the fucking ancient language of COBOL (and learn nothing from it, as a result)? Not only am I sure that I would absolutely hate the job at hand, providing that I will be mainly doing fucking maintenance on ancient shit that I couldn't give two fucking shits about?...

But the work environment would be just so fucking bad as well. Not only are the cubicles the size of fucking foot stools, not only are there barely any windows visible, not only is my manager already proving to be a shifty son of a bitch already?... But the fact that I will be one of the top members of a fourteen person team? A 24-year old with no work experience and no fucking confidence whatsoever, commanding a team of fucking forty and fifty year old farts? How the fuck is that supposed to work?...

I will have no respect in the office place, and no room for error. I would have to learn completely new bullshit in the first week or so of the job, just to even look remotely competent. And my gut was warning me about this all last week, that I just wasn't prepared for this kind of responsibility at this stage of my career...

I didn't earn this. I don't deserve this...

Hell, even my manager stated all that twice to my face before shoving me out of the interview door...

... before apparently offering me the job three fucking weeks later...

But with no other job offers on the table, and with SIXTY FUCKING FOUR THOUSAND up for grabs before me?...

... what other choice did I really have?...

...

I had a hard choice to make. I could either a) take the job, hate it and regret the decision for the next six fucking months (or potentially even longer if it does end up ruining my resume), or b) turn it down and regret that decision even more thanks to my fucking parents and the fact that I turned down?...

... ahem...

SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...

WTF?!?...

I'm damned if I do, fucked if I don't...

I mean, how many university students can really say that they got a job offer for a senior position and SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS right out of the graduation gate?...

Then again, how many students can really claim that they turned down an offer for SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS right after graduation? Kinda enticing, as that's a statement in its own right. As I for one certainly did not think I ever would ever be given the chance to do so...

I had a ton of questions in my mind, even after calling a whole bunch of contacts from my old work and asking for their advice. And the only true way to potentially get the answers that I sought, was to go straight back to the source of the belly of the fat ass beast...

So on Wednesday morning, I called the manager guy with a clean slate and a sheet of paper readied with questions at hand...

When he answered and after I had reintroduced myself, he immediately asked if I had made a decision on the taking the job or not yet...

I calmly told him that I had not quite arrived at a decision yet, and asked him if I could get my answer to him by tomorrow (Thursday) at the latest. The thing was, contrary to what I fucking expected, he seemed fucking shocked and pissed off that I would dare ask for more time. WTF?...

He immediately asked in a serious tone, "may I ask why you're taking so long to make your decision?"

And what the fuck was I going to say? I was completely taken back from the fact my manager didn't even have the patience to wait one more day for me to make a potentially life changing decision, so the only thing that came to mind to reply back was?...

... ahem...

"I had some interviews in the past week with private companies"...

... and, umm... huh?...

Was that a good thing to say? I really don't fucking know...

It was the first thing to come to mind. It was the only thing to come to mind... even if it was all a lie...

He certainly didn't seem happy though. He seemed rather goddam pissed off that I was considering other places rather than taking his goddam job offer right off the bat...

Either way, I moved on with the start of my questions...

First, I asked him for more details on the ASP frontend, SNA middleware, and the COBOL backend parts of the project. He had claimed that I would be working mostly on the ASP and SNA sides first, and then "eased" into the COBOL end of things in our Monday conversation, right? I was just testing here and now whether he was being honest or not back then, that's all...

I mean, it's not that I didn't trust the guy or anything...

No, wait. That's it.

I really, really, ridiculously didn't trust the guy...

And the thing is, I must've really pissed this guy off from my questions and comments here or some shit like that. Because just like during our interview all these weeks ago? He suddenly wasn't sugar coating anything anymore. He was just telling it like he is, brutal and honest as he is...

He told me flat out this time around, that the ASP frontend only has minimal maintenance work to do, and that I probably wouldn't even touch the SNA side except in emergencies. He then almost angrily started pointing out that I would be hired for the COBOL side almost exclusively, and then ranted on and on about how extensive the database is and how a new release of COBOL code has to be finished within the next few weeks or so...

Meaning what? Meaning, he was trying to fuck me over on Monday when re-advertising this goddam job to me as a godsend...

... or as a personal gift from him to me, that is...

So my suspicions were confirmed correct. The COBOL side wasn't "handled", since it was obvious from hearing him here and now that just like in the interview, it would end up being my goddam primary job focus. And being "eased" into it over time must've just been some fake, lard ass lie of his as well on Monday, considering he was hiring me basically for the new release of the backend software which had a deadline coming up in just a few weeks...

So how the fuck am I supposed to learn COBOL and the IBM mainframe shit so fucking quickly enough to actually contribute to his fucking required efforts? I would be a 24 year old senior programmer analyst working with jealous ass 40 year olds in lesser positions, and yet he expects me of all people just to pick up an archaic language from the goddam 1960's in a few days flat? WTF?...

Now, my next question was completely valid if you ask me. But alas, this is the one that my parents have been blaming me so fucking much for over the past couple of days since the goddam incident...

They keep complaining that I should always just shut up, do as I'm told, and never question authority. WTF?...

But goddammit, all I simply asked was, "can I get formal training"? For the COBOL and backend side of things, I mean...

And isn't that a valid question? I mean, every employee is entitled to fucking formal training at the initial cost of the employer. If the mananger really wanted me as an employee and really did see potential in me, why not fucking give me formal training so I can actually excel at my job right from the get go (and potentially be kept on in the long term)? WTF?...

And considering that in my interview for this job twice, this very same manager told me right to my fucking face that I did not have the qualifications nor the skills required for the job description (which apparently, hadn't changed a damn bit despite his lies over the phone on Monday)? Is it really so wrong for me then, to just fucking ask for a week or two of fucking formal training?...

But according to him though? Apparently so...

He went almost irate at my request. He simply chortled, flabbergasted as he stomped and stormed his fucking feet, and retorted back, "why would you need formal training? You can just ask your colleagues for pointers and advice"...

Umm, he does know that I'll be starting on COBOL and COMTI from basically scratch, right? He does know that I wouldn't have a clue what's going on, right? And no amount of fucking advice or pointers from co-workers that I can't trust would ever be enough to change that. He does know that, right?...

But before I left, I asked just one more simple question...

"Before I start working, is it alright if I take one week off (the week of May 1st) for personal reasons? I have family moving overseas"...

Okay, so that was a bit of a lie. While I do have some friends moving back to their home countries this week now that fourth year university exams are finally over, I really just wanted one more week to relax at home and shit like that...

And also, the thing was? If I really was going to take this fucking job with none of the fucking COBOL skills required whatsoever, you're damned right I would spend at least a week at home researching tutorials on the net on just how the fuck to do my job. I will not walk into a senior position knowing absolutely nothing, otherwise that would just be just goddam suicide. And just one fucking week can't be much to ask, just to learn fucking COBOL and shit like that on my own, when normally it takes two fucking weeks to just file the employee paperwork in the first place?...

But once again, the manager was taken aback, outraged as he demanded, "why would you need another week off of work?"...

Alas, the thing is I had told him during the interview that I had just finished my contract at the government, so he knew I was just sitting at home. And his negative reaction to all the questions I asked above, are exactly the reasons why my parents are now hounding me so...

Either way though? Despite the fact that he was making me feel like a total piece of shit yet again?...

Well, I still politely (I hope) told him then and there, "thank you for answering my questions and putting my mind in ease. I will give you my decision by the end of the day", since he seemed so fucking adverse from me taking even a fucking extra day or two to decide...

And, well?... he simply replied in an obviously annoyed tone, "I won't be in the office for the rest of the day. Call me back tomorrow"...

*Click*...

... and with that, the guy just hung up on me...

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MANAGER IS HE?

... what the fuck would I be getting myself into?...

WTF?...

...

Okay, the pros and cons of taking this job...

First, the cons...

I don't have the skills, qualifications nor fucking work experience required for this job.

I wouldn't have a goddam clue what the fuck I'd be doing at my desk.

... I guess that's a big one...

Second, I'd be a 24-year old "senior programmer analyst", walking into a hostile environment of 40-year old workers in lesser positions...

I wouldn't be given any formal training. I'd be completely left to learn and fend for myself, with no-one my own age for protection.

I'd be walking into a pure I&IT environment, where nobody fucking knows or cares about your name.

Travel would be a pure bitch, almost two hours on public transit both ways (if not longer due to rush hour traffic).

I would hate the job at hand. I hate COBOL, I hate IBM mainframes, and I originally wanted to avoid this shit for the eternity of my life...

I wouldn't really gain anything on my resume. Having COBOL for seven months on your resume, no matter your job title, is like saying you were a fucking bus driver for half a year of your life as far as the modern technical world is concerned...

And oh yes, I already hated my manager...

Touche...

But then again, the pros?...

I would be making SIXTY FUCKING FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS...

I would be secure in a job, rather than approaching the uncertain summer where almost no job offers are available...

And also, my parents would be proud of me...

... or at least, they wouldn't be shitting on me like they are now...

But let's face fucking facts here. When you don't have any other job offers on the table, and not even any interviews in the foreseeable future? Who in their fucking right mind would ever turn down SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS?...

And thus, everybody has a price...

... as evidently, this manager has found mine...

...

So on Thursday morning, as requested? I called back my manager...

He picked up the phone...

... and after I reintroduced myself?...

I simply sighed...

... both in reservation, and in relief?...

"Thank you. I'll take the job"...

... and that was it...

... or so I had thought...

That's when he immediately replied...

"You won't take the job?"

He almost seemed happy and hoping and giddy at the prospect...

I corrected him though.

"No, I will take the job"...

"Oh..."

He seemed resigned to the fact... things didn't sound good...

He then sucked it up and asked me...

"May I ask what took you so long to come to a decision?"

Once again, he asked the same question, as if less than one fucking week was actually a long time to make a potentially life altering decision...

So what else could I say but reiterate the same damn answer I gave the day before?...

"Oh, just some interviews last week with private companies. But they were just interviews..."...

My voice sort of trailed off there as I spoke...

I then asked him for more job details...

"Would it be alright if I take one week off for personal reasons, as discussed?"...

He didn't even hesitate.

"Sure."

That was easy... almost too easy...

I then asked about contract details, and when I should sign my name...

And that's when he said something so damn suspicious, that it will forever be etched like stone into my mind...

... ahem...

"It turns out that I may not be your manager afterall. Let me clear the details with your real manager first"...

*Click*...

And with that, my new manager (or was he?) fucking hung up the phone...

The thing is, I instantly knew something was amiss. Why the hell would someone who wouldn't be my manager, first of all conduct my interview, then call back to congratulate me for getting the job, then continually deal with me over job specs and contract negotiations? WTF?...

Is there really another manager? I really don't think so. So WTF was this guy smoking?...

One hour later, almost to the minute, almost as if it were timed?...

... the manager guy calls me back...

And the first thing he muttered, before I could even usher a hello out of my mouth?...

"I'm sorry, but there's been a misunderstanding. The other manager has just reviewed your resume, and found that you are not qualified for the job. The offer is no longer on the table. I'm sorry."

... umm... what?...

I asked him if that "other" manager thought I could eventually become qualified with training. I also asked why I was selected for the job in the first place if I wasn't qualified (since the manager guy told me twice to my face in the interview about all this shit already, three weeks before goddam selecting me, mind you)...

I should've asked for the name and number of that goddam "other" manager, calling the bluff...

... but goddammit, at the time?... it just never came to mind...

I seriously have no poker face. No fucking poker face whatsoever. WTF?...

Either way though, my manager wouldn't have responded. He simply ignored all the questions that I did ask, said he was "busy", and that was it...

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Good luck with your continued job search"...

*Click*...

... and, umm...

That was it...

... that's all she wrote...

That's all the fat lard ass manager would sing...

... and, umm... wait?...

What?

What?!?

What the fuck?

SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?

GONE?!?

ALL GONE?!?

GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS (... or minutes)?!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?...

I say again...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?

...

Goddammit.

Sixty four thousand dollars...

Sixty four fucking thousand dollars...

... all gone like that...

How many university students can really say that they got a sixty four fucking thousand dollar job right out of graduation?...

Then again, how many students can really claim that they actually turned down an offer for a sixty four fucking thousand dollar job?...

The thing is, I must be even more of a rare breed than either of those goddam two selections up above...

Because I was wrong. I thought I only had the choice between two fucking options...

But apparently, there was a third fucking choice...

... the third fucking eye...

There's always a third fucking choice...

... though not much of a "choice" there, alas...

Because honestly? How many university graduates get a job for SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS right out of the gate, and then get fucking fired from it on the very same fucking day? WTF?...

I say again...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?...

Was there really another manager? It doesn't make sense. Why would a guy who is not my manager be the one to interview me, hand pick me for the position, call me over the phone to offer me the job, and then also be the one to tell me to fuck off?...

Unless he's a fucking fat ass, schizophrenic or some shit like that...

Which may not be that far off from the truth, considering that the very same insane man told me twice to my face during the fucking interview that we had, that I was a waste of his time and that I did not have neither the skills nor the qualifications for the fucking senior programmer analyst position at hand...

And yet he still offered me the job on Monday, only to rescind the offer less than a fucking week later while stating straight to my face yet again, that simply put? I do not have the skills nor the qualifications for the fucking job at hand? WTF?...

First of all, it was completely unprofessional for a guy to extend a job offer and then take it away after the poor, confused kid on the other end actually decides to accept it. How many times does that ever fucking happen in the field?...

Second, why the fuck would he hire me in the first place if he knew I didn't have the skills nor qualifications to do the fucking job from the fucking interview? I knew it, and he knew it. I either needed formal training or a fucking miracle of a COBOL tutorial to even remotely be able to get anything done on the job in my first couple of weeks there. And yet he went almost berzerker and the fat and the furious on me as soon as I asked for either of those two goddam options. WTF?...

I almost get the impression that he thought he was doing me a favour by offering me this job. He sounded so damn smug over the phone on Monday (and half desperate for a place-holder worker as well), seeming so damn overconfident that I would be so damn gracious for this job offer on the table that I didn't deserve...

He probably thought he was giving me a gift, a $1250 per week job that I didn't earn that he was just handing to me on a goddam silver platter...

And judging from the ghastly way he gnashed his teeth when I made just a few suggestions or fucking negotiations over the phone on Wednesday? He just sounded like he was so fucking shocked and possibly even insulted that I was having a hard time deciding to take his glorious gift of a job or not, he just seemed so damn disgusted that I didn't welcome his offer with open arms? That he just said "screw it" and fucked me over by rescinding the goddam job offer in the fucking end...

WTF?

Is he really that man-childish? Is he really that spiteful and fucking retarded?...

WTF?...

Now, I know in my heart that I would've hated working for him...

He was an asshole in the interview, and a gluttonous piece of shit over the phone...

... but fucking goddammit...

Who here can really turn down that kind of money?...

... the price is right, bitch... sadly...

Or even better? Who here really gets to take that job, and gets fired and fucked over on the very same fucking day?...

Really, I'd like to know.

Really.

...

Either way though, my parents have been hounding me non-stop over this incident. They're blaming me for making "demands" over the phone to the manager, claiming I should've just taken the job right away on Monday when the offer was first extended...

Sure, I'm kicking myself for losing out on so much fucking money, plus the added job title and goddam security from working at a place like that...

But my parents just don't give a damn about the way I feel, or the way I would have felt if I had worked in a place like that...

Aren't they concerned even the least bit, that a complete jackass like him would be my manager?

Aren't they concerned at all that not only would I absolutely hate the job, but that I wouldn't have a clue how to fucking do it in the first place? Worse than even that, considering I hate COBOL, I wouldn't even want to learn how to fucking do the job in the first place...

The reason I was hesitant over the phone to take the fucking job, was because I was fucking confused over why the fuck I of all people was picked. I do not have the age nor the experience to be a senior programmer analyst, and I do not have the skills nor the will to obtain the fucking ancient scrolls of skills for such a fucking backwards-technological job in the first place...

But yes, I admit it. If there is anything I truly regret over the past week, it's that I simply did not put on a poker face when talking over the goddam phone...

I was nervous and confused as hell, alright? I was a wreck. And I clearly sounded like it, considering my manager kept throwing me in a loop every single goddam time he almost pulled a fucking fat temper tantrum over the phone at my questions...

I was supposed to hold my ground and instill confidence in the fucking manager. I did not, and I sounded like a complete pussy of a wuss in the process...

I just can't put up a fucking front. I was just completely fucked over the very moment that my manager demanded to know just why I was taking so damn long for my fucking job decision in the first place...

I can't think on my feet, really. I just can't...

I was wounded. He could smell it. Motherfucking fat ass shark...

It's only natural that the manager asshole picked up from my voice that either a) I didn't really want the job, or b) that I was going to leave the job for a better (private) place. It was fucking obvious as shit that I was a little fucking piece of chicken shit then and there, don't you know...

So for all I know? Maybe he did me a favour...

Maybe he knew I couldn't turn down so much fucking money, so he made the decision for me?...

Maybe he purposely did for me what would be better for my goddam career in the long run?...

... maybe I should thank him?...

Pfft...

... yeah, fucking right...

An asshole is an asshole. I knew that going into the interview three weeks ago, and I realize that now more than ever before...

Seriously, I got fucking screwed. I'm now filled with regret. I'm second guessing everything I fucking did and said...

And now my parents fucking hate me for it...

Whatever.

... so yeah, I guess there's my embarrassing story of the week for you...

To gain a fucking major ass job, and lose it all in the very same fucking day...

Honestly, how the fuck often does that ever happen?...

Really. I want to know.

Really.

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

So stop me here and now if you've heard this one before...

Seriously.

... because I sure as hell ain't laughing about it still...

Y2kk Update: Well, that was most... unexpected...

Now, don't get me wrong. I've had a decent birthday of a bash this past week. All things considered, considering I was born on Hitler's fucking omen of a birth date, I mean...

My parents took me out to a couple of decent dinners. I treated the grandparents too. A few of my friends called in to say hello. And of course, I went to the golfing range and dinner with another friend (while thankfully avoiding an old nemesis of mine at the same time... which is worth a couple of thumbs up in its own right, as well)...

I can't really complain. Got some birthday money out of it all, got some extra sleep-in time during the mornings as well, and I even got to avoid most of my chores while wasting time on shit like video games and freelance shopping and other crap like that...

The only thing that I didn't get that I actually did want at the time, was a fucking new job interview...

Although after that last disaster of one that I had?

... you'd think an interview would be the last thing I'd ever want for my birthday in the world...

...

Well, this morning of mine was most... interesting...

... I got a call around 9 am... and I was groggy as hell when picking up the phone...

... didn't even know how to sell hello, really...

And at first? I was really, really fucking confused as to who exactly was on the phone on the other side...

Someone from my work or something? Did I really care?...

I was ready to shout "fuck you" through the phone before hanging up and just going back to sleep, when the guy actually said something I really didn't understand...

"Congratulations. You won the competition. You got the job."

... and, umm... huh?...

What?...

What job?...

Hand job?...

What?...

Apparently, the job I interviewed for and completely bombed the other week...

... apparently...

Wait. What?

The hand job I interviewed for?...

What?...

You mean the interview I completely bombed, in which the interviewer (who I was now speaking with over the phone, apparently) actually told me both before and after the interview, that I was completely not qualified for a position such as this?...

You mean the same interview where they said they would phone the winning candidate at the end of the week and ignore all the rest, which by my watch was supposed to be over one fucking week ago? Meaning, I didn't get the job? Or wasn't supposed to get the job at least?...

Hells bells, I didn't even suck any guy's cock. And yet they're calling me? WTF?...

Now they're calling me, saying I got the motherfucking job that even I knew that I didn't and don't fucking deserve?...

Wait. What?

... umm... huh?...

What?

Say what?...

Is this a fucking crank call or some shit like that?...

Fuck you.

I just want to go back to sleep...

... apparently not...

...

Well, that was an interesting phone call... to say the least...

... or a wake up call, whatever the hell that means...

I asked him why I wasn't contacted a week prior when he said the leading candidate would have been. He didn't really respond, which makes the answer all the more obvious to me...

Obviously, I wasn't the leading candidate. Far from it, actually...

Thanks to the morons at their HR division, only five candidates were even chosen for the interview. And lucky enough for me, I was one of the inept people selected for the goddam process...

... though apparently, I wasn't the only one...

Judging by the fact that the leading candidate would've been phoned and told the 'good news' over a week ago? That means that either two or three of those people interviewed who were offered the job already turned down the position...

Meaning, what? Meaning, I was like the third or fourth guy in the fucking line...

YESH! I BEAT THAT ONE FUCKING PUNK ASSHOLE IN THE BACK! VICTORY IS MINE!

I apparently won by default. Should I be happy?...

Umm... I think not...

... I was fucking tired...

... couldn't give a shit...

Let me just go back to bed...

Fuck you.

...

I'm still confused over just what the fuck I talked about over the phone today...

While in the interview, the guy clearly explained to me what the job was about. He said there would only be some minor ASP front-end maintanance, and the rest would be all COBOL-based IBM mainframe shit, the kind of crap that I would never want to do as a full time job in the first place (no matter how much fucking money I was offered... sort of...)...

So I asked the same damn guy today exactly what the job still entails? And for some weird ass reason, he claimed that the COBOL crap was "handled", and that I would only really have to concentrate on the fucking ASP side of things...

... wait... what?...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?...

... say again?...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?...

... wait... let me say that again...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?

So... let me get this straight...

Apparently, the only candidates that he did like turned him down, and then he was reduced to calling pathetic ol' me by default. He knew that I didn't have the skills to manage the job at hand, or even remotely the kind of experience to make my underlings (and yes, I would have underlings) respect my abilities or my command in the very least, so he changed around the job description so that I could be babied and pampered in my new position? WTF?...

I asked him for confirmation... that this still was for the senior programmer analyst job position, right?...

And yes, he confirmed it. It was for the very same job I interviewed for before...

... only that the COBOL backend stuff he talked about non-stop last time, would be "handled" elsewhere...

... umm... yeah, right...

... yeah, fucking right...

...

It's not that I don't trust the guy.

... it's just that?...

No, wait. That's it.

I don't trust the guy...

How the fuck could the basis of a job position just completely change in the course of a week? Are they really that desperate just to get an extra helping hand there, that they would give a fucking senior position to someone who completely doesn't have a fucking clue what they're goddam doing at a terminal? WTF?...

I really don't know what's going on. My gut feeling tells me that they'd ease me into the ASP front-end crap that I'm used to, then later just pour all the fucking backend stuff on the little ol' rookie in the tiny cubicle, and blame me when everything goes to shit... The job description clearly outlines a fucking primary backend server role. Even if I start out on the ASP, I know that I'll be shitted on with the COBOL crap later on that I really never wanted to deal with ever in my fucking life...

And seriously, if they completely changed around the job description, then they probably fucked over the pay too, am I right?...

So I asked him how much my wage would be... probably some dirt cheap ass paycheck or some shit like that...

... and then he told me...

... umm?...

Wait. What?...

Fuck you.

Say again?

WHAT?!?

I mean, sure it's only a six month contract, but if you extend my pay to a full annual salary?...

... we're talking about sixty four thousand dollars here...

... that's sixty four fucking thousand dollars...

Sure, it's less than the "up to" 70K originally prescribed, but...

IT'S STILL SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

SIXTY. FOUR. THOUSAND. FUCKING. DOLLARS.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Hell, that's more than I think even my former programming supervisor makes at his new senior role...

Why the fuck would I ever deserve that much fucking money?...

I only have less than one fucking year of experience. Yet now I'm going to take a fucking senior position, in a completely new place where I'd be the youngest fucking supervisor that they have? WTF?...

I've never been in such a role before, and yet now I'll be bossing around 30 and 40-some year olds in how they do a job that I completely don't have a clue how to do myself? And while being a fucking chump in a cubicle office, I'll be making SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, which is a fucking improvement (if I do say so myself) over the fucking minimum wage I was making just last summer?...

God, I Know What You Did Last Summer was such a shitty ass movie...

What? You don't agree?

Fuck you.

Umm, wait?...

Was I even awake this morning?...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?...

...

Well, that certainly was a most unexpected and most interesting phone call I had this morning...

The thing is, I told him I'll call him back in a couple of days with my decision. I wasn't quite ready to make a commitment then and there...

Because you know what? Something in my gut feeling just tells me not to work at that place...

Everyone I saw there was miserable as hell. Cubicles had no windows and were the size of just my fucking foot space back at my old work place at best...

Travel will be atrocious at best. Either I live there by finding an apartment or some shit like that (which would ruin my paycheck in the end anyhew), or spend two fucking hours of travel each day to make it there and home and back. Is it really worth it, waking up early and leaving late every fucking day, just to do a job that apparently the two or three candidates ahead of me didn't fucking even want in the first place?...

It was ironic, really. The manager over the phone was trying to sell me on the job, by claiming my job will now primarily be based on the ASP front-end work I've become accustomed to at my old place. But I just know from the way he hinted and from what he told me during the interview process itself, that all the COBOL shit I loathe and fear will be brought down upon me like a fucking Wraith in no time flat...

Now, it's not that I don't trust the guy...

... it's just that?...

No, wait. That's it.

I really don't trust the guy...

I just have a bad feeling in my gut, that this job will make me miserable for six fucking months in a row...

... but then again, it's only six months...

I can quit at any time, now can't I?...

... can't I?...

... hello?...

Bah. I'm lonely, and there's wolves after me...

... and I'm fucking tired as shit...

...

And if there's any one compelling reason why I should take this job?...

It's because that after just one year in the industry? I'll be making, well?...

... sixty four thousand dollars...

... ahem...

THAT'S SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS.

How the fuck can I blindly turn that down? I don't know...

All I do know, is that if it weren't for the money? I would just have said 'no' over the phone then and there...

Doesn't that mean something? I really don't know...

Because maybe for all I know, that feeling of mine? That gut feeling of mine, was simply gas and indigestion from waking up so fucking early in the fucking morning?...

Who really fucking knows?...

The problem is, the last thing I want right now, is to get up early in the morning for a fucking job I loathe and despise...

... unless I get actual fucking morning sex and nooners out of it, that is... but that's besides the point...

Either way, I have two days to decide. Two fucking days to decide between sixth months of fucking shitty ass whipping boy work?...

... or to fucking sleep in until I finally do get another fucking interview...

... whenever the hell that will be...

But for now? Just for now at least?...

I rather just get some fucking rest...

And to just wish myself a fucking happy belated birthday...

... which was interesting... and unexpected...

... to say the least...

Y2kk Update: I feel like I'm on summer vacation...

Oh wait. I am.

WTF?...

I never really thought I would have a summer vacation again, considering I was working at an office job (and not one of those teaching jobs that I may one day be lazy enough to take, just to get a fucking summer vacation all over again). I never really did imagine that I would be a bum all over again come late spring, after my university studies were finally done and over with, that is...

I guess I thought wrong...

Now, don't get me wrong. I love being a bum who sits on my ass all day. I say that in the greatest of ways, mind you...

... as long as I eventually get to tweak every bit of UI or EI out of the fucking government, I mean...

I just didn't think I'd be in the same position as I was last year though, applying to jobs and only getting interviews that I know I will fail miserably at...

... because suddenly, that teacher's college shit ain't looking half bad...

...

I felt like a rookie...

... like a fucking n00b, really...

Like I mentioned last week on my download site, I had an interview with the I&IT Cluster of the ministry I used to work for. The thing was though, this was a "Senior" programmer position, and I sure as hell don't count as a senior after just one year of working experience...

Still, judging from the job description pasted on the website? Things didn't look so bad for me. Sure, I fibbed on my resume quite a bit in order to line up with their goddam checklist method of finding candidates, but for the most part? The job didn't seem out of reach for me to actually be able to do on a daily basis. So what if I didn't have the actual years of experience required?...

Well, that was my impression going into the interview, at least...

... it sure as hell wasn't my impression when going out...

As soon as I stepped into that interview office? The old man with my cover letter behind the desk instantly called me out, claiming that my resume didn't have <blah> or <blah> or <blah>, and something else called <blah> in the technical skills section... What the fuck does <blah> mean? Beats the hell out of me, considering those terms went so over my head that I don't even recall anymore just what the fuck he was even asking me about...

I took a quick glance back at the job description, and noticed that none of the above <blah>'s were ever listed for the job. I asked for a bit of clarification, and you know what the fuck he answered back?... well?...

You see, basically I am a .NET, C# and Java front-end developer with some experience in middleware languages like CORBA and maybe MTS/COM+, and of course basic working knowledge of backends such as SQL Server and maybe Oracle. And that's exactly what the application in front of me said that I pretty much needed for this job...

... plus a small, minuscule, added mention about JCL and COBOL and boring shit like that...

... not like I thought that was important, mind you...

Well, chalk one up to the good ol' people at my old HR department, for fucking up yet another job description so fucking badly in the end...

The man behind the desk told me straight to my face that the job description printed and published was inadequate. He told me that almost no front-end work would be done in this project whatsoever aside from some minor ASP maintenance, so basically all the skills I had acquired at my previous job were goddam worthless for this new one...

In the end? He gave me a new job description, one in which the entire fucking job was based on IBM mainframes and fucking backend shit, dealing directly with COBOL and Prolog and other shit like that which I've hated for my entire programming life...

... and shit that I've never really bothered to really learn or get decent at in the first place, might I add...

So tell me, why the fuck would I ever want this fucking lameass job again?...

And why the fuck was I chosen for this job interview again?...

Because to be honest? Those were the two damn questions that the man behind the desk asked me himself before the interview even started...

He told me straight to my face that I have neither the experience nor the technical qualifications for the position at hand, but then shrugged his shoulders and callously asked if I wanted to go through with the interview anyhew...

... umm... okay?...

So I went through with it. What else could I choose to do, after wasting $20 on travel for the day, just to get to the fucking interview in the first place and back?...

He started off with technical questions. He listed some acronyms and asked me to describe how I've used them directly in my previous jobs...

I then asked him what the fuck those acronyms meant, since I had never fucking heard of them before...

He said that I was the one who was supposed to recognize and define them, not him...

Shit. I had no fucking clue what to say...

... suffice to say, I don't think he was impressed...

...

God, I felt like such a tool...

Because yeah, it's kind of a landmark, isn't it? That you're basically told that you're not good enough to get the job, before you even take the interview? Why the fuck was I even there in the first place?...

Either way though, he was right. Both he knew it, and I knew it. And the fact that I could only get one out of his ten technical questions in the actual interview even remotely right kind of solidifies and validates that theory...

On the bright side? During this one hour interview, I sort of held my own on the behavioural side of things, such as how to properly test a new backend production release or how to manage my time near a project deadline... Of course, all this means shit when it comes to the fact that contrary to their fucking job description, they needed a pure COBOL programmer. And I sure as hell would never want to waste a year of my contracted life on fucking ancient COBOL of all shitty ass things...

Of course, the potential annual pay of almost seventy grand kind of makes things look a bit brighter, even if I did fucking embarrass myself in the fucking interview... and even if he did wish me at the end of the interview, "good luck in your continued job search", but whatever...

But you know what really burns me up inside?...

Yes, I didn't deserve this job, and I knew that the moment I walked into the interview job. But couldn't they at least have properly screened my resume, or written a decent job description beforehand? So that I wouldn't be given false hope, I wouldn't have wasted my time preparing and going to this interview...

... and so that I wouldn't have spent twenty fucking dollars of my money to just get to the fucking interview place in the first place?...

I'm fucking cheap as hell.  I want my motherfucking money back...

Now, the way that I got to the area in North York (Toronto), I took my usual route of my own town's bus first, then the GO train to downtown Toronto, then the fucking TTC subway all the way to Yonge and Finch... I didn't really mind that, considering I'm used to an hour and a half of travel time and shit like that on the trains from work and school. I just don't like the fact that all my monthly passes expired last fucking month, and that all the fares had gone up in goddam price conveniently at the start of April, thank you very much...

But getting back to my own house from that interview place? Now that's where I truly proved to myself, just how dumbass I really am...

I was sitting right next to the GO Bus terminal right after my interview, considering there was a station at Yonge and Finch. And taking a single GO bus from Toronto all the way back to a stop near my home has just got to be cheaper than the subway, GO Train, and town bus combination that I normally take, right? Or at least, it's gotta be faster, considering I would be taking a direct route on the express highway, afterall... or so logic dictates...

So before thinking it all out straight, I bought myself a motherfucking GO bus ticket that almost costed just as much as the fucking sum of a GO Train and TTC token combined. Why the fuck did it cost so much? I have no frickin' clue. But at least I would be able to get home a bit faster, rather than having to go back downtown and wait for a GO train, right?...

Apparently, right after I had bought my GO bus ticket, the fucking Asian asshole behind the counter revealed to me that I had just missed my bus by a couple of minutes (while waiting in line for his stupid ass slow service, mind you), and that it would be another fucking hour until the next ride would arrive. I then asked for a fucking refund, so that I could fucking just take my usual train route home, but the asshole wouldn't give it to me. WTF?...

So what the fuck else could I do? I just sat in the bus terminal for another fucking hour until my ride finally arrived. So after that length of wasted time, after getting on the bus, guess what the fuck happens?...

Naturally, the bus gets stuck in a goddam traffic jam on the highway...

... kinda figures, considering that that one hour delay pushed me back into fucking rush hour time...

God, was the GO bus ever fucking slow. Not only was the bus driver absolutely moronic in always somehow switching to the highway lanes that would end up the slowest in the end, but there were about five or six major stops all along the GTA which the fucking bus would detour for and just sit there idle forever. Seriously, I thought I had taken the express though? WTF?...

And you know what's really dumbass? I then asked the bus driver if he could drop me off close to my house, since there's a GO bus stop just five minutes away, walking distance from my home... The thing was, apparently the fucking Asian asshole behind the counter sold me the wrong fucking bus ticket, and that the current bus that I was on only goes to the town's main bus station. The same fucking bus station where my GO train normally drops me off, and where I fucking always have to pay for a transfer to my own community bus network. WTF?...

So let me get this straight. Not only did I spend the same amount of money on a single GO Bus ticket as I would a TTC+Train combination, not only did I waste an hour of my life waiting for the next bus to arrive, and not only did it take almost two fucking hours after that just to get home thanks to fucking rush hour and a fucking tour de traffic?...

But that to top it all off, I had to pay for the very same fucking town bus ticket, that I took the GO Bus to avoid in the first place? WTF?...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

... uggh...

... suddenly, that teacher's college shit ain't looking half bad...

...

God, did I ever feel like kicking that Asian ticket seller's ass and taking his name for hustling me so...

But do I really deserve any better? This was my first time taking the GO Bus home from Toronto, so obviously I was n00b...

... obviously, I was a rookie...

And what better way to cap off a day where I completely wasted my time with a hapless, hopeless interview, being screwed by The Man behind the desk?...

... then to get absolutely screwed by The Man behind the counter?...

"Thank you. Please come again"...

Yeah, fucking right...

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... well, give me back my twenty fucking dollars then, at least...

... and then maybe it will feel like summer.

Y2kk Update: A weird coincidence, or just plain weird ass timing?...

Like I mentioned on my Tweakui site the other day, it's just plain startling, that the very day after I write on this website about the Tim Hortons coffee shop that I always used to frequent with my coworkers (at Yonge and Bloor)? That very damn day after, the place gets bombed or at least suffers an accidental explosion that looks like it was meant to be a bomb...

And, well?...

If I'm to blame, since I apparently am a suspect in my own frame of mind? Then I should just kick my own ass and take my name, for depriving so many asshat people of their double doubles and goddam double standards...

"Did they shut down Yonge and Bloor?"

"No, even worse. They shut down Tim Hortons"...

... an actual quote from a bystander at the scene of the crime, don't you know...

... or a fucking backstabber of a bystander at the scene of my own job dismissal, at least...

...

I was never good at the whole Tim Hortons, business meeting thing. I'm not good at drinking smokin' hot beverages (or smokin' hot women, sadly...), so I just find it completely awkward whenever a manager and I met at the place. I always would buy a black or steeped tea or some shit like that, since I never ever drink goddam coffee. And then the rest of the meeting would just be him or her drinking away at their goddam coffee as if it were simply sugar in water (which it practically is, in my honest opinion at least), while I just sit there completely dumbfounded as to why my tea cup won't cool the fuck down...

I've never been good at the whole social aspect of fucking politics. And to be frankly honest? I do kind of think my awkwardness of mannerisms played a small but still meaningful role in the reasons as to just why I was released from work. Maybe it's just paranoia, maybe it's just my own lack of self-esteem here talking, but I really do think that my poor luncheon skills of all goddam things helped doom me in at work...

Take even the final lunches that I had with my coworkers, the days before I closed up shop for good. I mean, I tried me best to keep up with the rest of them there in terms of politeness, with keeping my mouth closed, never talking with my mouth full, making sure no nibblets were stuck in-between my teeth, and making sure that I barely made a fucking sound as I bit and chewed...

And believe me, as a fucking Chinese kid? I never once learned table manners in my fucking life, and I still don't get the point of a fucking salad fork... Seriously, what the fuck are they for?...

Hell, I still get made fun of for the ever cliche, first coworker lunch mistake I had last summer, in which I tried to order the "Super Salad". The damn fucking waiter back then couldn't pronounce properly "soup or salad" right to me, don't you know. I blame him for my pathetic miscommunication and misfortune, but I digress...

But either way, while at least I never made that embarrassing mistake ever again? Even so, at the last coworker lunch I went to, I still feel like I fucking made a complete goddam fool out of myself...

I always kept my mouth closed, but considering I was eating a hamburger? Every time I crunched down on the bun, little bits and pieces of bread would fly out. Most would just land on my plate, and all of them I made sure landed only on my area of the table...

But still, how fucking messy can I really be? Not only were all my coworkers absolutely silent with their food, no matter how crunchy their own hamburger or sandwich crusts turned out to be? But except for maybe a few salad pieces here or there, there was not a spec of renegade food shit anywhere on their corners of the table, or anywhere on their plates even for that matter as well. WTF?...

I didn't even get to finish my fucking meal. Everyone else was done, but since I'm the fucking 110 lb Mickey Mouse wuss of the club and always have been? Well, maybe I can eat a lot for my size, but not compared to those mammoth eaters I was sitting with who apparently can inhale food faster than I can even goddam chew...

But I didn't just look bad because I couldn't finish my meal. It's also that, even if I could finish it all? My plate was a complete mess. My hamburger fell apart at one time during the lunch, literally littering my plate with ketchup and onion pieces and crap like that, which obviously I couldn't put back into my burger. The thing is, while there was sauce all over my dish, every other person's plate there was just somehow motherfucking perfectly clean. They were all spotless, right down to the shine and glare of their utensils, as if they had just all been washed. WTF?...

I tried my best to have table manners, yet no matter what I did, bread would spark and fly or hamburgers would fall apart. While those are the least of my concerns really, I still have to admit that after comparing my own shit to their plates of godliness? I just felt completely out of place with my coworkers, I really did...

I just felt like I didn't belong, you know? Like I was pretending to have the same skills as they do, that I was pretending to be able to play the same politics as they do. Yet I always make little, costly mistakes that make me stick out as the soar thumb of an ugly duckling...

The absolute worst I ever did was during the free pizza binge for the office place about a month or two ago. I mean, I'm used to eating pizza with friends or family, where you take your slice by fucking tearing it off from the rest, right? Isn't that how you're supposed to eat pizza?...

It was only after I had torn a slice or two off from the rest that I realized that there was a fucking bread knife there, and that's what all my fellow coworkers were waiting for. I had been a complete moron, just assuming I could actually touch the pizza with my hands to get at it, when it blatantly obvious right in front of my face that none of my coworkers would dare go near anything that my putzy fingers had graced...

So what else could I do? I don't know. If I then and there took the extra pizza slices that I had touched, I would be essentially doubling my iwb pizza quota, which doesn't look good at all...

But if I just leave the pizza slices that I touched there still on the table? Don't I look horrible too, by essentially spreading my fucking germs in the most callous and insensitive of ways possible and shit like that?...

It was the smallest of damn things, not noticing the damn knife there to extract the slices of pizza away from the rest with. But I just don't have this table manners bullshit built in my blood, and it kills me (seriously) every single time I notice that I made myself out to be a complete goddam fool...

...

And if you ask me? It doesn't take a huge quantum leap in logic, to realize that table manners at least somewhat lead into the fucking politics of the office...

Who the fuck would side with the Chinese kid moronic enough to touch other people's food? Or leave bread crumbs all over the shared luncheon table?...

At least with the "Super Salad" mistake, I could only make myself out to look dumb. And with the Tim Hortons tea, I only turn out to look timid. But sadly, there are a ton of people out there, who literally would be offended by the way I conduct myself at fucking meals and snacks...

Now, of course the chances of a fucking pizza mishap ever having any direct correlation with my dismissal from the office is pretty much zero to none. But I still just can't help but shake the feeling, that just the way I am and the person that I've always been, just isn't good enough for such a social office setting like the one I was in...

... well, at least I now have a chance to find a place where maybe I do perhaps belong...

I've already got another job interview for this Monday. It's for the same branch of the government as I was working for before, but it's in a completely different location with a completely different cast and crew. It's for a much more technical place, and a hell of a lot more of a technical position...

... a little too technical actually, or way too over my head really, considering it's an interview for a senior programmer analyst position...

WTF? Don't they need me to have about three or four years of goddam government programming experience first before I can ever try for one of these things? Yet they're giving me a chance at an interview of all people? Umm, okay?...

The chances of me getting this job are seriously zilch to nada...

... or about as much of a chance as I have of ever learning proper bloody hell table manners in my goddam life...

But at least it's nice to know that having experience on your resume really does pay off. A year ago, even the government would've just tossed away my resume for even the most junior of entry level programmer positions. And yet now they're suddenly offering me an interview out of the blue for a $70K CDN job? WTF?...

A weird coincidence perhaps, or just plain weird ass timing?...

Still, rest assured, I'll be writing and whining on this website of mine sometime next week, about just how piss poorly that interview along with the finale of my fourth year of university turns out to be...

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

Well, even so?... wish me luck...

Y2kk Update: Well, it's April Fool's...

... and I do feel like a fool...

I don't know, I guess it's not altogether a horrible thing that I was released from work. Afterall, like I said in my past update, I do still have my final report for my design project due at university (not that I'm even going to touch that until close to the deadline, that is...)...

My job there at my government branch was never really meant to be permanent, and I knew that going in almost a year ago. And I do realize that my province has been making cutbacks and have been rather stringent with new hirings, even when a branch (such as my own) has the room and the money to retain an employee such as myself?...

But still, I always thought that it was supposed to be, that as soon as you get your foot through the front door there? Or the elevator doors, at least?... Then you're locked in for life, locked being the key word in more than one regard, for better or worse at least...

Bah, my branch chose politics and finances over me, that's all. Business is business, and I do understand that...

But I'm a creature of habit. And old habits die hard...

And it's just weird now, to wake up late in the morning and realize that you really have nothing better to do?...

... until you make things for yourself to do, at least...

... like writing five fucking download updates in fucking days, that is...

...

So, I went to Tim Hortons today. Of course, that's not like a major pivotal moment in my life or anything. But considering I never ever drink coffee, and rarely ever buy donuts in my life? Then yeah, there was a bit of a meaning behind my little adventure this afternoon...

... closure, really...

Before work happened? I never would go to coffee shops. It was only because of my peers and coworkers being absolutely addicted to places like Tim Hortons, Starbucks, Timothy's, and Second Cup, that I even got to know the meaning behind the counters and the caffeine drinks that they sell... I never really bought anything myself, but it was always more welcome to have a business meeting over a warm cup of tea, or a hardy chat with friends like I did with the hot chocolate on my final day of work...

Coffee is the backbone of corporate America. And truth be told, Tim Hortons is the fucking embodiment and soul of all of Canada...

Now, I'm too fucking cheapass to ever afford even a dumbass coffee on my own, so obviously the only reason I even bothered to visit Tim Horton's today was because I still had a gift certificate leftover from my days there at work...

And why is that? Well, I've been stuck in the elevators three fucking times, or two and a half times of mice and men, really...

The first time, I was fucking sick as hell on that day, and it certainly didn't help things out that I was stuck in a fucking box with the loud mouth bitch of the office for fifty minutes straight (suffice to say, all my silence in-between coughs and gaggings didn't exactly make her an ally of mine during the months to come... although her future silence to me was more of a blessing than a fucking curse, that's for sure...)...

The second time, I was simply just bored to tears as it took forty or some odd minutes for the building guys to pry open the doors. Which was especially grating and degrading to me after learning from my first time, that it only takes five damn seconds to find the emergency release valve in the goddam elevators in the first place...

And the third and final time I was stuck? Bah, I was only stuck for a couple of minutes, until apparently an oddball combination of me striking the door with my elbow in frustration, and my coworker actually pressing the "open door" button simultaneously, just somehow magically managed to swing the damn front gates wide open. Seriously, who would've thunk?...

Suffice to say, each and every time I got trapped in the fucking elevator, the building maintenance guys would jot my name down. And apparently, three times is the charm, as they gave me a couple fucking worthless gift certificates to Tim Hortons instead of ever even trying to give back those two fucking hours that they stole from my life...

... not like I'd do anything with them if I did get them back... I'd just waste them both again, but I digress...

Now, I'm no huge fan of Tim Hortons, me being Canadian or not. I never order anything major at the place, as my usual cravings normally cease and decease right after a steeped tea with a Maple Dip donut. But I don't know...

I suppose there was a still bit of closure there, using the last remnant of my rewards there at work, to actually find a purpose to do something on my first real weekend off from the office? An ice cap, to cap off my first week back to unemployment?...

Maybe I should just use my goddam last paycheck to buy a shitload of Tim Hortons IPO stocks as well?...

... or a truckload of Roll Up the Rims to win...

...

The thing is, it's not like I'm bored here at home or anything, now that my tenure at work is finally done...

It's not like there aren't any benefits to being a free agent on the market either for me, especially considering I'm still living at home, essentially in my parents' goddam basement (yes, I am that much of a fucking nerd...)...

I still do have my final weeks at university to be concerned about. And considering I was sick and tired to death of waking up early in the fucking morning? Then thank God I don't have to deal and compensate with the fact that daylight savings hours will rob me of yet another hour of my fucking life, to go along with the two I still want back from those fucking elevators at work...

It's just that, now that I basically have nothing urgent to do in my life anymore? I've simply fallen back on my old routine of applying to jobs, playing a bunch of video games, surfing the net, and fucking whining and writing on these goddam websites of mine...

... hmm, actually, now that I think about it?... doesn't sound all too different from work, now does it to be honest?...

The difference though being, I kind of felt like I had a purpose in those working weeks long gone, as hokey as that sounds...

Because now when I wake up? I don't know, maybe it's just because I'm always really horny with a massive boner, but still?...

I just feel kind of empty... like I feel I should be doing something... something more than I am...

Work never really did give me a sense of purpose, don't get me wrong. But at least, it kind of gave me a reason to wake up to smell the goddam Folger's in the cold and brutal mornings...

And like I said, it's not like I'm bored here at home or anything. Not while I still have so much to gripe about...

But still, it's just that?...

... I'm back to not really feeling whole again, you know?...

... I'm back to feeling like quite the goddam April fool...

It's spring-time now. The Sun is shining on a new dawn, a new day...

... God, I really need to get laid... I really need to get me some fucking goddam sex...

Time to pick up chicks at Tim Hortons then, just for good measure and closure?...

... hot and steeped, with a tip for a maple dip?... yes, please...

Y2kk Update: You know what's really bugging me the most about my untimely dismissal? Well, besides the fact that the timing was so fucking wrong for me in the first place?...

I had something like five or six sick days still lined up from my fucking job. And considering I was on contract with no paid sick days given to me by default, each and every one of those sick days was earned by me from a whole bloody month of absolutely perfect attendance. The only way I could earn a sick day on my goddam contract, was to make sure that I was at work bright and early every single fucking morning that the office was open...

And you know what's most sickening? After all that effort I put in to waking up in the goddam mornings, something which I never ever bothered to do even with university (not even for exams)? Well, I still don't get my motherfucking sick days back as retroactively paid salary or any crap like that. Instead, they're just going to disappear from the database, as if I never put my 110% and two fucking cents into getting into the office by 8:30 am every single fucking morning of almost the entire past year...

I did use up one of my sick days at least though. At least, that's one day of my life that I got back out of it all...

I had decided on using this sick day long before I was told that my contract wasn't renewed, that is. It just so happened that the date I decided to use my sick day on, coincided with my final week at work, that is...

Nice timing? Perhaps...

...

Ah, yes. My design project's design fair for my thesis project at university. What are the odds?...

Now that's the shit that I alluded to earlier in past updates, of the fucking project I've been working on night and day for the past two or something weeks, to be honest... I would wake up at 7 am right on time for work every morning, leave work around 6 pm or whenever is most convenient, then scoot on down to school where I would do shit programming for my design fair project all the way past midnight, every single night...

And it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

Well, last Tuesday was the date of my design fair. And no, my project wasn't even close to being done. It was the kind of thesis crap that you really do need to spend months on in order to get even some of the objectives we had in mind completed... Of course, considering the part of our mark where we actually do need to get the project technically 'working' was only worth 5-10% of our final grade? Naturally, we didn't give a shit about it at all until about two or three weeks ago, when it was already too fucking late to finish anything by the deadline...

I suppose the design fair itself went pretty damn fairly in the end. I mean, I made a complete ass of myself in front of some of the third years, as I ended up joking about our project in ways that eventually did start to embarrass my group partners. Of course, that's when they put on their suits (they were grossly overdressed, considering half of the participants at the fair were in fucking jeans this year...), and made me straighten my back in order to present in the proper way that they'd expect from such a supposedly-respected gala...

... hmm... I for one felt like I was back at a seventh grade science fair, but maybe that was just me...

Deja vu, though. Because our project didn't really work just like the good ol' days, you know? Not only were there the usual bugs (I forgot about a certain memory leak to patch for instance, in which one aspect of the program would cease to work after five or so minutes of constant cool runnings...), but the environment of the design fair was just hell for our web camera in the end...

Not only did that nasty piece of shit keep on readjusting and auto-refocusing on us, causing our Matlab threshold values to constantly keep changing on the fly? But since our project is only meant to handle one or two people in view of the camera, looking at the screen at once? Having dozens of people in the background of the fucking design fair, certainly didn't help things out one damn bit in the end...

The oddest damn thing though was, as soon as the professor or administrator or whatever came over to mark our project? Almost as if he had cut a swath with his hand and parted the red sea, every fucking student just left and disappeared behind him. When you add in the fact that just that very morning, I had added in extra filters to get rid of from the field of view any faces more than four feet from the camera, and that now the professor was therefore the only one in the webcam's line of sight?...

Well, suffice to say, out of all people for the project to work for? Thank God it worked perfectly for the professor...

I mean, every fucking thing he tried with our motion detection and face recognition seemed to work perfectly. It calculated his depth from the camera near flawlessly, it triangulated his lateral and vertical movements down to a T, and it even registered a few debugger marks at least whenever he even moved his eye-pupils, raised a Rocky eyebrow, or changed the direction of his face. Hell, it was acting more accurate for him than it ever goddam did for me or my group partners, and yet we had earlier that day calibrated the face detection for the hue of our own goddam faces alone...

Who would've thunk? Sometimes, you just get lucky...

I don't know if the professor was impressed with what we achieved, considering it looked and acted and actually was all programmed within the span of two fucking weeks (all-nighters or not). But we sort of lucked out in the fact that he was an electrical engineer, not a computer professor, and that he only asked us questions about the hardware side of things (in which we essentially had nothing, considering we were all software engineers)...

Sure, I fucked up on my short little presentation to him, about what I did and what challenges we faced and solved (in which I sadly enough, ran out of things to say and just cut to my partner to continue with the song and dance...). But besides my obvious embarrassment? I think we did alright, as my partners really gave a voice to our project in terms of what we had done versus what we had hoped to do. And the professor, the old fogie that he is, even made a comment about how he even dreamed of technology such as what we had just created, way back when he was a kid in the 50's... if such a thing can be taken as a compliment, that is...

Where the fuck are my flying cars, goddammit?...

... and, yeah... That's when he went into his whole spiel about engineering in the old days, uphill and downhill, both ways in the snow back then...

We just nodded in approval, as any time that you can let the seventy year old professor do the talking while getting graded? Then you fucking damn well shut up and let him do the talking...

Overall? Except for my own flaccid and dysfunctional presentation, where my teammates had to perk and perch me back up, I was most pleased with our performance. The design fair had always been the pussy pedestal, or at least the fucking burden on my shoulders ever since day one when I had first entered university and thought about what I needed to achieve, to fucking finish through one of the top engineering schools in the entire goddam continent...

And now that that weight has finally been lifted from my extremities in one big giant release? Then, well...

... at least now?... I can finally breathe a heavy sigh of fucking relief...

Not bad for a fucking sick day, eh? No doot aboot it...

... but I for one at least, would've preferred to use it on fucking sex...

...

Well, one down at least. But I still had five or six fucking sick days left to go, and they're all going to go to waste now...

What the fuck was the point of earning them then? My fucking union hasn't done shit for me, no matter how much I've literally paid my dues...

From work, at least my manager was kind enough to write for me a letter of recommendation. And like I mentioned in a prior update? A lot of people in the office not only offered me lunch, but offered me their names and numbers as references for my resume as well...

... well, no number from the hot bitch that hired me in the first place, but meh... a flimsy and fake handshake, yes, but meh...

... at least that's still something... at least her hand sort of felt like a tit, but I digress...

At least I got a year's worth of experience, right? Or almost a year's worth of experience out of it all...

Not only was that more than I was probably ever hoping for when I joined the branch as a summer student in the first place? But now I have more than twenty thousand dollars just sitting and sort of shitting in the bank, just in case I ever do need it for a rainy April Fool's day...

Now, of course I have my regrets about work. Obviously, the timing of my release was fucking awful, considering a) I'm not done school for the year yet (my 50+ page final report is still due), and thus I still need to waste money on travel to downtown Toronto, and b) I however did finish the vast bulk of my school work by my Tuesday of a Ferris Bueller's day off, so there really is no purpose for me to be unemployed to concentrate on fucking school right now... I could've used that courtesy two or three fucking weeks ago, thank you very much...

And obviously, I was still fucking hoping before my time was up? To just bend the fucking hiring-hottie there at work over the fucking photocopier there, and made sure that I would light up her buttons on the fucking machine...

God, I had so many dreams. Oh, the things I would do to her tight ass cheeks and adorable little face...

Hell, I would've been her fax machine, and she would've been my printer. And she would be making ink-wet, dripping copies all night long...

... but alas, that's a sad story with no satisfying conclusion for an MSN update one of these days...

Until then though? Well, I'll just still be here, bitter and virgin as always, applying to fucking jobs in the goddam background...

And I'll just keep on enjoying my weeks' worth of fucking payless sick days here...

... sick days that I never chose to have...

Great fucking timing...

... it's enough to make a man fucking sick...