Y2kk Update: Well, my Christmas sure was a bust... meaning what? Meaning, nothing except the annual yelling and screaming happened in the household. Nothing else was stirring, not even the goddam mouse we have in the house.... I mean, sure my mother started crying when she went to Church with us because her life is so "miserable", since we kids apparently are so evil that she believes only God can save us now... and of course, I got some weird stares from that uncle of mine who yelled at me and my siblings just a couple Christmases ago... and of course, I got my ass kicked in by kids at the family party yet again, by those small enough to still lose their teeth naturally mind you... so all in all, it's been a pretty damn eventless Christmas actually... although if I have nothing else to report next week, maybe I'll discuss what I talked about with that uncle of mine as we were taking our grandfather back to the nursing home... but since I'd rather keep that story under classified Christmas wrapping for now, it's time to revert back to the ol' backup story I've had brewing for God knows how long now...

About a few months ago, the girl I always talk about... the girl I can't stop talking about... she actually brought up and confronted me about a certain thing that has been going on between the two of us for the past... for the past? I don't know... since she scarred me so, I guess... She said the following like it was a joke, but I knew she was telling the fearful truth. I knew that she was simply playing on the safe side of the road with a mask in hand... She asked me whether I was avoiding her or not. She noted that she rarely sees me anymore, that we never seem to talk in class, and that we only basically say hello to each other when we finally do run into one another by chance... and... well?...

Duh. It took her that damn long to goddam wake up and smell the fucking middle finger?

Fucking hell, she avoided me time and time again last year. She even admitted that she fucking swore never to talk to me ever again, all because I made one stupid, fucking joke that she apparently took more goddam literally than any goddam woman I've ever met in my life... And in the summer, she fucking ignored my mails and fucking brushed me off when I was fucking admitting that I liked her! So why the fuck did it take her so goddam long to fucking notice that I was goddam avoiding her? And yet she had the nerve to actually ask like it was all some joke? What the fuck is her problem?... goddam fucking bitch...

The goddam fucking bitch being me, of course. All things considered, considering I've been pussy whipped as hell over the past year... I mean, I almost wanted to scream out to her then and there all I wrote above, but you know what? Predictably, I did my calm, serene, little jackass of a lying thing to her, and simply told the half truths that a) we never talk on the train anymore, because she keeps taking different trains than I do, b) we never talk in class because I never go to class, and c) we never really alk much anymore because we said it all last year, and there's really nothing left to be said... I was hoping the last of the three reasons would give her a fucking clue. And maybe it did? I don't know. All I know, is that I lied through my crooked, yellow teeth to her, and for some damn reason, I don't regret it one bit. Somehow, dishonesty in that moment was more honest to me than any goddam four letter word ever could've been... I've obviously been avoiding her. And the reason why is plenty, plainly obvious... Because it hurts to be around her now. She can't stand what I talk about, she has no interest in me romantically, and she fucking keeps brushing me off every single damn time I try to talk to her about something that I personally feel is important... I felt like I was her fucking wife and she was a goddam wife-beater or some crap like that... I feel so used...

After that encounter in the hallways, and after she seemingly half bought my excuse for not talking to her for the past two months that we had returned to school, eventually it seemed that she started avoiding me for all the same reasons I was avoiding her. And it essentially started grating on my nerves when she goddam started hanging around that stupid ass engineer with a car 24/7... And as I already mentioned on this website, it burned my intestines like hell to realize that the same goddam girl who refused to ever take the same trains that I took for the past two years... the same goddam girl who refused to even sit in the same goddam train cart as I did for the past goddam year... was also the same damn girl that basically just laid on her fucking back and goddam chose to follow like a slave of a little ho, that new man of hers all the way to his fucking train cart of choosing... After two goddam years of being my friend, she didn't even show the slightest inclination of wanting to talk to me outside of all those goddam times that I was the one who found her. But after just two damn weeks of knowing that fucking guy with the car?... it's like I turned her into some Seinfeld lesbian or something... without the sexy lesbianism part of it all, of course... and, well...

The thing is... for all those times that I tried to get her to just seek me out once, just goddam once, she never once took the bait... as if she never cared for me in the first place... as if I was some goddam beast of burden on her shoulders, yoking her in the goddam ass... No matter how many times I asked her to just wait for the train that I take in the morning, if only in return for all those times I took her train, looking for her, she always took her train instead... for the past two goddam years, all she's ever taken was her own, goddam train... Which is why I was so damn caught off guard at 8:25 am on the second day of exams. I mean, I knew her... or at least, I thought I knew her... and she always - and I mean always - takes the 7:43 am in the morning, just so that she can get to school an hour before the first goddam classes even start... And it was 8:25 am that day. I was expecting her to already be studying as hard as a goddam mongoose on viagra at school or some crap like that, and not actually standing around the goddam GO station still... I was definitely caught off guard at first, not just because she was taking a late train for once, but because she was also goddam standing by the goddam train cart that I always fucking take! I mean, since when did she fucking take the handicap car that I always take? For two goddam years, she's never ever taken that cart, not even when I got on my goddam knees and begged her with a wedding ring to just goddam look for me there... And yet here she was, taking a late train and waiting by the cart that she knows I always take? What are the fucking odds of that happening?

And just when I was starting to feel bad about ignoring her... just when I was starting to doubt whether she's never sought me out on the trains before... just when I was about to step into her light, into her point of view, and actually humbly say hello?... that's when... well...the obvious happened...

Guess who the fuck she was with?

Fucking goddammit, they were practically holding hands, and yet I didn't even see that goddam car guy there at first... guess I was seeing what I wanted to be seeing, now wasn't I?... The fact of the matter is, she only decided to take the late 8:30 am train, because he goddam wanted to take the 8:30 train. I know her, and I know guys, and I know that she would never willingly take anything later than 7:43 without someone with a big cock nudging at her shoulder... But the only question remained, why was she standing around the handicap car? Why the hell was she taking away from me my goddam train cart of a sanctuary and solitude?... the thing was, hope was still flirting and flaring in my nostrils that day. I was praying to the heavens that maybe, just maybe, she had chosen to stand there, dragging her man by a noose along with her, just so that she might by chance, just by chance, find me, just to talk with me... but the other side of the flip coin of me just figured, that like most lazy-ass guys like me, that stupid ass car guy just likes the handicap car, because it's the fucking handicap car, and got her to come along with him, simply because his fucking cock is bigger and brighter and whiter than mine... but alas, I guess I'll never know, now will I? Because as my heart sank a thousand bottomless drownings upon seeing those two inseparable fuckers together, I just simply shut my eyes in disgrace and walked off into the bloody hell Canadian sunrise, humiliating myself to the point where I sat in the train two carts down from the goddam handicap car that I've always sat in for the past goddam years... I mean, it's kind of ironic, isn't it? The one and only goddam time that the girl I always talk about, finally chooses to ride in the handicap car... is the same, insane goddam day that it possibly hurt me the most to see her do it... Because all things considered, with all good things coming to an end, the fact of the matter is... chances are... she wasn't there because of me...

But I guess we'll never know, now will we? And that's the thing I had to make sure of... that she never finds out that I purposely avoided her on the train that day, otherwise she'd knit my balls into a goddam pretzel for all I know... So I devised a Grinch of a wrench of a plan: simply wait until the entire train empties out when we arrive at Union Station, so that hopefully, she and her new boytoy would be long gone before I ever set foot out of those pairs of train doors... and I thought my plan was genius, no? Unfortunately, I guess my evil schemes work just as well as my goddam marks in goddam university are going... because as soon as I got out of that train, last in my cart? Who the hell did I see just two people in front of me?... goddammit... it was such a goddam sham of a shame... I kept my head as low as humanly, fucking possible, just in case they turned around and realized who was goddam behind them... and when I purposely stopped in Union Station, waited a few minutes to let them pass, who did I see around the goddam, exact section of the Subway Station that I normally enter through when I finally got moving again?... the fucking bitch apparently was having trouble finding her goddam subway tokens, and apparently, for the past five minutes of so, she had been standing in that very exact, goddam door that I always use to get to the damn subway station... So obviously, I side stepped the bloody hell both of them, all the way to the door on the opposite side of the station, and realizing that I was out of subway tokens myself, I parked myself in front of the token dispenser that I always use... only to suddenly feel a chill run through my bones, up and down my goddam spine... and realizing also that fate was fucking me in the ass that day for fun, I ran my ass all the way to a goddam corner like a goddam rat to a hole, and what do you know? Just two seconds after I had gotten to my goddam Saddam Hussein hiding place, that goddam bitch that I always talk about waltzed right up to the very damn token dispenser that I was going to use, with her goddam fucking car guy in tow, smiling and beaming to him as all I could do was bite my lip, jerk off to my parts, and watch... I waited around in the shadows for seemingly goddam forever as she goddam took her sweet time buying her tokens, and I didn't move an inch after she finally left, if only because I was fearful we'd wind up in the same goddam subway cart too, knowing the odds... I didn't care when I got to school. All I cared about, was that I wouldn't see her.

And goddammit, though that was the end of it - I didn't see her for the rest of the goddam day - the thing is... it's just so goddam ironic, now isn't it? Two months ago, I would've thought fate was on my side, that her and I were meant for each other, if only she somehow took the same damn train as I did, if only by a fluke... if only we sat in the same damn cart with one another, no matter what our pasts... if only we magically ended up meeting at the same damn subway entrance, no matter how hard I tried to avoid her... if only we somehow met at the same damn token dispenser, if only because fate would have it that we both ran out of tokens at the same time... and if only all of the above had happened in the same damn day, no matter how damn hard I tried to cheat fate and cheat my way to back to brooding block of wood solitude?... then, well... maybe I wouldn't be avoiding her today afterall, if only because I would know resistance from the Queen Bitch herself is futile... But none of this happened two months ago. This happened two weeks ago. And the difference in variables?... it's not just him... it's her... ever since she started talking to him, she's avoided me more than I've avoided her... it's getting to be fucking unfair, and fucking painful...

And duh. It took me that damn, goddam long to finally fucking notice?...

... I never really spoke to her during exams, even though we were often in the same rooms... hell, I haven't really spoken to her, since she confronted me about avoiding her in the first place... maybe that was out last vestige our something... our last Vimy Ridge of a Dieppe... maybe that was her last attempt to mend the goddam fences of feces that she's been shitting on me for the past goddam year... And to be honest, I think she did see me as we were going down those Union Station stairs. I think she did notice me then and there, and noticed that even though I saw her, I was saying nothing... maybe she did realize that I had avoided her in the handicap car, that I was avoiding her at Union Station?... and hell, maybe she even saw me by the token dispenser, as she arrived far too conveniently close for comfort if you ask me... with her man staring at her ass, far too closer for comfort if you ask me...

Obviously, I still have a lot of issues to work out over her... I was able to shrug off all the family screaming and bemoaning these holidays as simply the joy of being together for Christmas. I mean, ripping out each other's hair and lungs - that's what family's for, aren't it?... but her? About her?... the girl I always talk about... the girl I always bitch about... I just can't seem to ever get over her... I just can't seem to ever smile when I think of her... and I know most of that is my fault, regardless of whatever shit I write about her on these websites of mine, but... I don't know... if everything had happened that exam day morning as it did, without her new best friend in tow, I would probably have hailed it as an early Christmas miracle. And hell, I'd probably be the happiest man on earth right now...

But because that wasn't the case? Because it was a miracle... for another man... just not for me... and because of that?... well...

I feel like someone just yelled in my face, "Duh!!! It took you that damn long to goddam wake up and smell the fucking middle finger?"... or his fresh rooster of a cock actually, but I guess, that's besides the point... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?

So much so, that I might as well do the obvious, and simply wish my two readers out there the same damn thing that I always wish, regardless of the season of the year... a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...

... though at this rate... Jesus Christ, I'll soon be the one weeping like baby in Church, not my mother...

... I sure do love Christmas... merry Christmas indeed...

ATI: DriverHeaven has a comparison up between the Radeon 9800XT and the GeForceFX 5950. Don't know what they say, and quite frankly, I don't care... The Maple Leafs just lost their point streak today, one game shy of the NHL record. I'm grieving now... it's a process... but if you don't care about the only decent team in sports today, then go ahead and figure out what was said at: http://www.driverheaven.net/reviews/xt59/ .

Y2kk Update: It's freedom, baby, yeah!

I'm back, baby!...

... and?...

... well?...

... alright... so maybe certain catchphrases don't exactly work without the fake Engalish accents to go along with them... so sue me... but the end, it doesn't really matter - the result is all the same... because goddammit, I'm finally done my exams! I'm finally done first term of third goddam, fucking year of University of Toronto computer engineering! And just for future reference, just how exactly does it feel, to finally be free? To free Willy? To nilly Nelly?...

... well?...

... umm...

... actually, it feels pretty much the same as it did during the school term, considering I never did any work anyhew... although I guess I no longer have Toy Story dinosaur guilt over wasting my time on stuff I actually care about rather than studying, but that's besides the point...

The point is, I've obviously not been updating this download site for quite a while lately, if only so that I wouldn't take precious hours away from my study time with completely pointless life story anecdotes and rants (I of course wasted my time with video games instead...)... and while there is some news to report, I'll save that for a latter, latter, saintly, rainy day, Y2kk Update, just in case my Christmas holidays shockingly turn out as decent and boring as they were last year... so just as an intermediate update or some crap like that, if only to hopefully whet my appetite for the usual IvanFian writer's block and whatever else comes with the noname territory, I might as well just waste a little while or so here and now, rehashing and recanting and refreshing and referencing for my future self, just how all my exams exactly went this jovial year...

...

... hrmmm...

... my first exam was the hardest... my first fucking exam was Linear goddam Systems, the course that I was failing the most goddam much... I mean, I got thirty-six goddam percent on the mid-term, which I thought was brutally hard, only to find that a) the class average ended up being almost 75% for that goddam test, and b) the answers turned out to be goddam simpler than first year Algebra in the end when I finally saw them... although I failed that course too, but that's besides the point... The thing was, I studied my heart and soul and lungs and video games out for that one exam alone, in simply the heart felt hope that I could pass that one goddam course that I seriously did not ever want to see again in my fucking wanker lifetime... but the thing is...

... we can't always get what we want, now can we?... because the exam went abysmally for me, quite honestly... almost as bad as Andromeda always is, but since nobody watches that show, nobody would get the pun... or the PUN... get it?... no?... okay, nevermind... umm... anyhew... I knew how to start the Linear questions this time around, as at least my studying paid off more than it did for the mid-term... but what's the frickin' point of knowing how to start the questions, when I couldn't even calculate past the first goddam steps? None of my answers were even remotely right, and if we had been handed and branded with what was considered a "hard" exam, I wouldn't have particularly minded... the only, shitty problem was... that just like with the goddam mid-term, even though people were complaining that this exam was hard, as soon as they started comparing answers with each other?... it finally registered in my head what I've known for so damn long... that goddammit, these fuckers were lying... They were only claiming that the exam was hard, because they missed the last question! That was it! While all of those goddam bastards had the same and presumably correct answers as each other, I was left in the goddam cold... and once again, just to shut me up, everyone was just making shit up about the miracles I pull off, how I'd probably still get 86% on this goddam, fucking exam like I mysteriously and miraculously did in Digital last year... and hah! Rar Rar! To them, I say... to them, I scoff... to them, I Scrooge...

... well... next year in Jerusalem... and Linear Systems... I always say...

... and, well... now?... excuse me while I weep like a baby and cry a thousand infidel deaths...

... but, well... I was hoping that my second exam could just possibly wipe or at least bitch slap that horrible Linear Systems taste out of my goddam mouth... I mean, my next exam was programming languages, and considering I was walking into the exam with 90% in the course, what the hell could go wrong, right?... well... the thing is... technically, by my standards at least, nothing did go wrong, per say... it's not like it's even freakin', remotely possible for me to fail that course, and it's not like I did horribly either... I probably will end up with either high 70s or low 80s in the course in the end, but what's bugging and Kane burning me to hell... is that fact that I yet again pulled a goddam, IvanF over my goddam fucking eyes... because the thing is, last year in programming, I royally embarrassed myself by failing hard on my ass on what was said to be a relatively easy programming mid-term. I mean, I got 42 or 45 fucking percent on a test that all my friends had complained about, but ended up getting 70s and 80s in the end, even though they always needed my goddam help to do their goddam programming assignments... But this year? This year, I somehow misstepped and misaligned that patented, programming misfortune of mine, by somehow lucking out and getting 83% on the mid-term, higher than any of my close friends got... but the problem was... well... I knew the following choice was going to screw me over, but... umm... who would've thought?... I was hoping that my fears were lying...

... I didn't... exactly... umm... study... for this programming exam...

... cocky, ain't it?... and I knew I was being arrogant. I knew I was being indifferent. But the thing is... I knew that my probability exam would be a complete bitch, and considering there was only a single day gap between my programming exam and my probability one? In the end, I opted to take a chance and use all my programming study time on probability instead, since I was surely betting that I couldn't possibly do that bad in programming, even with only 5 minutes to study the course before actually writing the damn thing... and like I thought, I didn't do bad. I did 65% on the exam at worst, though only 75% at best (or 80% if the prof is feeling holiday happy from too much punk'd eggnog)... and while normally, marks like that wouldn't bother me at all (hell, all I fucking wanker want from Linear Systems, is a goddam 43% on the goddam exam to goddam pass the course), the real McCoy and the real, I'm-Not-Lovin'-It dilemma is... well?... it just seemed to me... that almost every single one of my goddam friends did so much better than me on the exam... Hell, it seemed like everyone I talked to at least got 90% on the exam, and when they shared answers with each other and they all got stuff that I sure as hell didn't? Of course I started freaking out and feeling all jealous and inferior... I mean, it's not really a mark thing when it comes to programming for me. It's a pride thing. It's a Lion King thing. Programming is the only goddam thing I have going for me in university... and all I really want, is to be good at one damn thing, relatively speaking of course... and while I proved it last year on the final exam after bombing the mid-term with a capital T, I certainly won't have anything to boast about this year, if all my friends end up with soaring Zazoo final marks in the course, and I end up with what they had in the first place... I mean, sure I know that I'm really complaining about nothing, but as IvanF, the no-name whiner?...

... "Nobody's good at everything... but everyone's good at something!"...

Hah! Bah! Pah!... I dare do say...

... Nobody can whine about everything... but goddammit! I'm damn good at whining about something!...

... which brings me to my probability exam... I mean, I had hoped that the extra two days of studying I did for this goddam course would pay off dividends in the end, considering I knew and had properly assessed the horrific, assassination, giganimous threat ahead... I mean, sure our probability professor is great... in the sense that he's a royal, student, kiss ass, suck up, all up to the point where we sheepishly vote him best prof of the year... I mean, he had essentially hand fed us quizzes during the year that were so damn easy that even I managed to walk into the exam room with a 79% in this math course (class average was 80%, and most of my friends had 90s), and judging from the facts that a) the class average by U of T law must be below 70-75%, and b) all of this professor's previous exams were nigh impossible to even start to do... then, well... add one plus one together, and then take the multi random Gaussian variable, and then the conditional pdf probability density of that, and you end up with the general fucking consensus that... well?... quite frankly, he's going to fucking annihilate us on the goddam exam... and yet even knowing this? And after fully preparing for this?... What were the only words that were Nsync lipsyncing on the tongue of my mouth after that goddam probability exam was finally over and done with?...

...

... well then... I believe my exact words I wrote to a friend of mine were...

...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

...

... 'twas an...

... "unmitigated disaster"...

...

... and that's putting it barbeque chicken mildly...

... and hell, the only thought that was literally animal crossing through my mind after going through an entire exam that looked like it was from another course, was the simple, simpleton question of whether or not... ahem... is it even possible, for there to exist a "mitigated disaster"?... I hadn't really thought about that up to now, and truth be told, I hadn't really thought about the probability exam up to now... The thing is, I did so bad, that as I mentioned to my friends, "I put 110% effort into this thing... I think I'll get 10% of that back as my final mark..."... and I wasn't lying there... and my friends? Well, they all claimed they did horribly too, but judging from their shared answers in the end, I assume that they were lying again, and didn't do nearly as bad as they said they did... but still... they did badly, I could tell you that from the looks in their eyes... and I did damn badly... because you could goddam tell from just how damn happy I was from seeing all those dismal faces around me!... I mean, as soon as I walked out of the exam room, my friends all started claiming, "You look so happy! You must've killed the exam!"... and my simple response?... "Killed? Yes, but first change the order of the words..."... so they asked me then, why are you smiling so much?... and my final, thank-God-Who-Wants-to-be-a-Panamillionaire-got-cancelled answer?...

...

... well, in all honesty?... in all amnesty?...

...

... "I'm so happy... because... everyone's so... not happy!... I just love seeing... that if I'm going down?... I'm taking everyone down with me!..."

...

... and it's true, oh it's true... The thing is, I literally gave up on the exam after just seeing the second question, because I knew that no amount of studying could've even remotely prepared me to start the damn questions at hand. They were so far off in left field, that although I know they were lying, some students with 95 percents in the course were actually fearing that they could possibly goddam fail the course... and besides, I did study. I can feel rest assured that I actually did put 110% into the final exam (well... until I started humming Zelda and NFS songs instead of writing anything on the exam, but that's besides the point). I sacrificed my programming exam for this shit, and did it pay off?... well, mark wise, I seriously doubt it... no matter how bad everyone else did, I'm sure I did a hell of a lot worse... but experience wise, was it worth it?... well... to be honest?... seeing everyone look like they were going to hang themselves with a noose, or wade in a bath-tub with a toaster and rubber ducky in hand?... heh...

... yeah... it was worth it... ah, good times...

...

... as for my last two exams?... the thing is... maybe I'm giving myself far too much credit, considering I thought my Discrete Math exam was easy as dirt last year, only to find that I must've gotten 30% on it or some crap like that... but... I don't know... I might get lucky again this year, in my goddam Digital Electronics course of all courses to luck out on... I mean, it may share the same name as the course I somehow pulled an 86% on the final exam last year (after about just six hours of studying too), but material wise (and my interest wise), this course was far more related to that god-awful Electronics course I got 10% on the mid-term on just last year... but the thing is... this year, I got lazy again... after probability? I basically gave up studying... and basically just spent four hours, or six hours max, looking over the Digital Electronics problem set questions before the exam, instead of using the whole weekend to actually put some effort into my oomph... and you know what?... umm... programming exam aside, I think Digital was perhaps the easiest exam I've had this year... now, I may be speaking far too soon, as chances are, most of my answers were wrong as hell, but... umm... the thing is... I can still have hope, now can I?... just like people still have blind faith that Episode III will somehow be better than A New Hope, but that's besides the point...

... since Star Wars sucks anyhew... but that's also besides the point...

And, well... my last exam was two days ago, and God, was I happy after it was all said and done... I mean, sure, I didn't do nearly as well on the Computer Organization and Hardware exam as I was hoping I would, considering I knew the material like the back of my head... which, umm... I don't actually know, pray tell, per say, but that's besides the point... The point is, yes, I got 35% on the first Comp Org mid-term, and still only 65% on the second, but the material was still easy to comprehend, and I was hoping for yet another 30% boost in test marks on this third exam for the course for the year... But of course, the course exam didn't go exactly as originally planned in the back of my head that I supposedly know so well, and what sort of stung afterwards, was that once again, my friends were all boasting afterwards that most of the questions were easy as hell, with them all getting answers that I didn't even dream of Jeanie could actually exist... and just like with the programming exam, where one of my friends argued that if only I had a) actually read the textbook (which was NOT required by the professor... officially, at least... until he changed his mind...), b) attended class... any class... or c) actually studied for the goddam exam... that I would've actually probably found every question on the damn exam easy, instead of struggling on those two or three that everyone else but me seemed to get...

... and yeah, I know...

... "go to class"...

... "pay attention"...

... "read the fucking book"...

... "actually goddam learn"...

... excuses, excuses... My friends argued to me after the Comp Org exam, that if only I had attended the course review, 6-hr tutorial on the weekend, that I would've found the questions that I completely guessed on to be rather goddam simple in the end... But what did I really care? My fucking exams were over! And while today to me feels just like any day of the year where I waste my time on the internet rather than studying or giving a fuck about school, I must admit, that despite potentially failing that Comp Org exam (but not the course), Tuesday was officially one of the best damn days of my life... I finally had that feeling of freedom back, baby! I also got to waste exactly one hundred bucks on video games and materialism and imperialism as soon as I got out of those exam doors (and I probably would've wasted more money... if only I didn't still have Christmas gifts to buy...)... I then checked the internet, to read a goddam glorious overview of the North American video game sales for November, seeing my precious Nintendo actually doing goddam great for once... and as soon as I got home? What did I find, but that Nintendo actually sent me my free Zelda Collectors Edition video game! Now that's fucking timing for you!

And of course, the Toronto Maple Leafs shut out the Tampa Bay Lightning later that night in what was a great game as I was reading through all the game manuals I had just gotten... so all in all, except for feeling inferior to all my friends, it was a joy-joy, joyous, porous, sing-to-the-masses-of-the-choir day, as far as I'm still concerned to this very day... but?... now, I'm still betting that I'm going to get a dismal mark in Linear Systems, which hopefully will be offsetted by my programming mark, whatever I get, so that I can still stay eligible for engineering co-op next year (not like I'd get any interviews with my resume). But all I really care about right now, is that unless my probability and Digital exams went far worse that I'm still predicting, that at goddam least, I have officially passed first term of goddam third year engineering!... sure, it's not yet official, but why do I care?...

I'm back, baby!

It's freedom, baby, yeah!

...

... well... until next year at least... next year in Jerusalem, and Salem, and Linear Systems... I always do say...

ATI: Dammit! I spent most of yesterday afternoon trying to fix my damn computer after the Radeon Catalyst 3.9 drivers screwed everything up (I was upgrading from 3.7 to 3.9). Of course, I finally was able to install the Catalyst drivers (though not the new ATI control panel... the damn thing wouldn't work...), and then what do I find when I check the net, but that new Catalyst 3.10 drivers were just released over at ATI?... well, I sure as hell wasn't going to risk ruining my three hours of computer fixing time just for a minor update, but if you're the type to go through that potential pain for OpenGL shading support and bug fixes in Halo PC, Madden 2004, and <shudder> Morrowind, then go ahead and check out the newest drivers at: http://www.ati.com/support/driver.html .

ATI: Rage3d.gr, whatever site that is, has an interview up with Eric Demers of ATI. Don't know what he does or says, but go ahead and use your new found holiday freedom to waste your time reading useless stuff (like what I write) on the net at: http://www.rage3d.gr/board/showthread.php?s=&postid=906#post906 .

Y2kk Update: You know... I've been noticing a real problem in my writing style as of late... the thing is, I used to never actually swear in writing... I used to never use any word harser than the word, "damn", that I picked up from those Star Trek: Next Generation episodes all those innocent, innoculous years ago... but the thing was... as soon as Grade 12 hit, I started getting into the groove of things, and decided that I would use the word, "goddammit", all throughout my US History movie presentation, if only to make certain lines with religious implications sound more poignant... but the screwy thing was, I opened a floodgate doing that... just go ahead and check my Grade 12 and Grade 13 Y2kk Update archives, and you'll notice a huge shift in the goddam way that I wrote things... as soon as I started using the word "goddam" a couple times, it became an addiction... an obsession... and before I knew it, I was sucking dicks at the Olive Garden, to fuel the money needed for my new affliction...

Since then, "goddammit" to me has become as innocent and superfluous as a stream of water... but the thing is... right now, I'm not happy with a certain other word that seeped into my vocabulary, starting from when I failed my course last year, actually... coincidentally, actually... the thing is, I now use the F-word so many goddam times in Y2kk Updates that it even disturbs me, because I swore long ago to never use the F or SH words in my life... sure, I was only six when I made those claims, but still... a promise is a promise, no matter when it was made... and the thing is... if only as an homage to the legacy that was my former self, I will now officially do my best to just write one update - yes, at least one update - where I don't use the F-word, not even fucking once...

...

... oh, wait...

...

Fuck.

...

... ah, screw it... I already fucked up... Anyhew, since I have absolutely nothing of interest to write this week, I've decided just to copy and paste my Tweakui update here, just to seem like I actually wrote something this week to the untrained eye. So enjoy... it wasn't a bad update, or a Bad Santa in Bad Company update... it's just that...

... it felt a little too... normal, I guess... but nevertheless, enjoy... if you can enjoy Thanksgiving leftovers in italicized form...

"No, I'm not dead... thank you so much for caring... although considering how rarely I update this supposed flagship website of mine anymore, I might as well be considered dead... dead, I said... because all things considered, with all good things coming to an end, honestly, who throws a shoe? Honestly? When was the last time I actually updated this Tweakui page of mine? God only knows... along with those few readers of mine who'll actually check the date of my last update, but that's besides the point...

The point is, I still don't really have anything to report... well, nothing out of the ordinary anyhew... Everything's just been <gasp!> normal for me, or Normal Again for me at least, I'm sad to say... Sure my computer is on the Fritos fritz again right now, sure my cousin's been complaining about the Welchia virus killing his new computer softly but surely (serves him right for getting an 17" LCD monitor for practically goddam free... grrr... jealous arrgghh...), and sure I'm getting screwed royally in school... in marks at least, and not in the places that I always hoped I would get screwed in university... if that sounds good, that is... So you see? Nothing out of the ordinary... absolutely nothing out of the ordinary of the everyday, whatsoever... because sadly, all the above for me?

It's all Normal Again, I always say... whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...

... but... well?...

... there was one, tiny, tinsy, itty bitty thing that bugged me quite a while back, I'm afraid... I was pissed off as hell that day, considering it was a Saturday afternoon by then, and I frickin' had to wake up at 7 am in the goddam morning, to get up and go to some stupid ass, university co-op seminar on the goddam weekend... The seminar itself I whined and complained and kicked like a baby about on my download site all those weeks ago, but the aftermath of my weekend at Bernie's or whatever kind of crap?... well... that was sadly quite a bit more interesting than anything those socially elite retards at the podium had to say about the co-op presentation...

Because you see... as I waiting in line at the McDonald's at Toronto Union Station, something just a tad bit peculiar was going on with the girl in front of me... First of all, I shouldn't known things wouldn't move smoothly with a mouth like hers, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... I mean, just from the way this girl was dressed, you could easily surmise that she was some sort of mountain climbing, vegetarian hippie or some crap like that... minus the vegetarian part of it all, otherwise she wouldn't have ordered a burger at McDonald's of all places... but the thing was... umm... when her order finally came in... when the man serving her finally came to her with the Double Cheeseburger that I heard her explicitly order?... ummm?... the thing was... this was pretty much an exact quote of what she said... after she snapped...:

"No, DAMMIT! I ordered a Double Cheeseburger... WITHOUT cheese!!!"...

... and, umm...

... well?...

WTF?!...

The man sighed as he rolled his eyes, simply said, "yes, ma'am", since the customer is always right... and although it took another two or three frickin' minutes of me waiting in line behind her sorry ass, her double cheeseburger "without" cheese finally came in, and she finally left after inspecting the damn burger for the next two damn minutes of my life... and the saddest part of the whole exchange?... was that I was goddam stupid enough to actually order a double cheeseburger right after she had left... because the thing was... umm... I may not be 100% sure or 100% McDonald's Pure Beef sure that this was what really happened, but... umm... The Double Cheeseburger that I was served?... came almost instantaneously... and the thing was... umm?...

I think it was the same damn Double Cheeseburger that that god-awful, psychotic hippie in front of me had opened a can of whoop ass on, and licked and tossed with disgust...

And the even stupider part of it all?... heh... I didn't even complain... I just took the burger and left for my train... What the fuck was I thinking?... What the fuck was I smoking?...

Or the better question is, what the fuck was that girl smoking when she groped all over the double cheeseburger she actually did order, only to throw it back and demand a double cheeseburger without bloody hell cheese, of all things... Now, since that co-op Saturday seminar day, I've asked this very question to four different friends of mine, with none of them getting the answer right: "there's a simple solution to this:... Why the fuck would the girl order a double cheeseburger... without cheese?!..."... I mean, doesn't it ruin the whole damn point of the goddam double cheeseburger? Doesn't it defy the logic of ordering a burger with the opening title of "cheese"?...

Like I said, there's a simple solution to all this... the thing is, in North America at least, McDonald's has a different burger on sale each day of the week. On Saturdays, Double Cheeseburgers are on sale... and this hippie of a girl, was trying to goddam cheat the system and cheat The Man, by getting her double hamburger at the same discount price as the goddam double cheeseburger... and she sadly got away with it, although not without those token rolls of the eyes from me and just about everyone else waiting behind her worthless ass in line... but still... a deal's a Mcdeal... she had her break today, by practically breaking the man serving her and my goddam Double Cheeseburger in half... she got what she wanted (though I can't say she was Lovin'-It), and she certainly had a motive that a cheapassgamer.com guy like me would surely appreciate...

So that's normal then, right?... there's nothing technically wrong with her, right?...

... right?...

... umm?...

...

... no comment, I see...

... but still...

... like I was saying a long time ago, in this very update far far away, nothing's really happened in my life out of the ordinary... everything's been just rosy and peachy, at least in terms of normalcy... double cheeseburgers without cheese included...

So it's all Normal Again, yet again, I always say... whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...

... except...

... well?...

... umm...

It's just that... there was this other day, when I was strolling through The Bay (a huge department store attached to The Eaton's Centre, the most upscale mall in downtown Toronto)... and the thing was... first of all, I found it quite a bit odd that a fully clad, fully aged Nun, wearing a blue robe from her head to her heels, and about a half dozen rosaries on her neck and wrists at least, just happened to be strolling through The Bay as well, looking around at all the expensive clothes even though she could barely walk straight without tripping her 60 year old legs on that Christian gown of hers... but at first, I just shrugged the whole sight off before me. I mean, nuns have to shop too, right? She could be heading to the discount clothes section, to buy some stuff for some needy children as an early Christmas present, right?...

... right?...

...

.... umm?...

... the thing was... she didn't exactly head to the clothes department that I thought she would... because instead?... umm... the Nun sort of... headed straight to the sports wear department of this upscale store, where every single damn shirt was like a hundred dollars or more... and after I just stood there, astonished that a Nun, let alone a 60-year old lady, was starting to look at ski jackets of all damn things... the thing was... she then took a U-turn after browsing and bruising quite a damn bit, and then lo and behold, where did she end up checking next?... umm?...

... she started looking at the FUBU wear...

... the FUBU wear...

....

... the fucking FUBU wear?!? What the fuck?!?...

...

... umm?...

... no comment, I see...

The thing is, I doubt she bought any of the two hundred plus dollar shirts there. Hell, I doubt she bought anything in the store at all... but still... although she may have had a holy motive in mind (to examine commercial products to see how evilly they're priced or something, I hope?...), the thing is... umm... she certainly didn't seem to be disgusted with the clothes that she was looking at... she certainly didn't seem to mind the fact that they were overpriced so damn devilish... and hell, for a moment there, I thought she was actually going to try some of that FUBU shirt shit on!... and maybe, just maybe, she wasn't a real Nun. Maybe she was Jamie Kennedy with plastic surgery or some crap like that, or Michael Jackson hiding away from all his sexual molestation charges (no extra plastic surgery required then...)... maybe it was some actress from Ryerson university, still donned in full costume, doing all the shopping for her carnival troupe? Afterall, I've never actually seen a Nun wear that many rosaries all at once... but still... umm...

... umm?...

...

... definitely no comment...

... see no evil, hear no evil... right?...

...

... ahem...

... So like I was saying, my life's been nothing but normal since my last Tweakui update... it's true... it's damn true...

... because like I always say, it's all been Normal Again, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...

...

... although...

... umm?...

...

... it's just that... umm... I know I should expect this and all, considering I go to University of Toronto engineering, one of the international student capitals of the known world... but it's just that... You see, I normally expect the people who come to Canada to at least know some English, or at least some Engrish or Engalish... or hell, AOL... even some Aussie English, the worst of the worst (though Chinglish speakers need not apply...). And for the most part, for the latter years and the latter day saints at least, that assumption holds true... pretty damn true... and yet?...

... umm?...

... apparently, knowing English enough to pass the U of T ESL tests certainly ain't enough... unless just being a graduate student automatically lets you pass every single damn English test with a bloody hell A even without doing a single damn question...

Because the thing is, I came into the computer labs one day, and caught my friend from Pakistan trying to talk to some graduate student from the Middle East about how to use his e-mail on the school computers... And the thing was, as soon as I got into my friend's visual range, he practically and suddenly just leapt at me, jumping at the opportunity to get the hell away from whatever hell he was in, leaving me with the Middle Eastern guy that he was calmly talking to just a second ago... so thinking that my friend's mad cow dash was sure as hell weird, I started out by being friendly, and asking the graduate student guy what he needed help with on the school computers... and what did he reply back?

... heh...

This was basically a transcript of our conversation...

Me: "Hey, welcome to U of T. You need some help with your e-mail?".

Him: "NO! I need help with my e-mail!"

Me: "... umm... alright then... I heard that you wanted to forward your U of T e-mails to your home account."

Him: "NO! I want to send my e-mails to my home account!"

Me: "... "

...

Me: " ... umm... yeah... that's what I said..."

Him: "NO! I want to send my e-mails to my home account!"

Me: "... yeah... well... okay then... Just let me make a forwarding file here... There. Done. Now, all you have to do, is write your home e-mail address in it there, and all your university e-mails will be directed there right away."

Him: "NO! I want to send my e-mails to my home account!"

Me: "..."

...

Me: "... umm... that's what I just did for you... Just write your e-mail address in the file here."

Him: "What did you do to my computer?!"

Me: "... like I said... it will now send your U of T e-mails to your home e-mail account..."

Him: "NO! I want to send my e-mails to my home account!"...

Me: "..."

...

Me: "... umm... right..."

...

... and?...

... umm?...

... okay...

... alrighty then...

... obviously, the conversation didn't get very far from there... for the next five minutes, I just kept on repeating myself to some Middle Eastern guy who could obviously speak English, but obviously couldn't understand a damn Canadian dime worth of a word of it... Eventually, I simply asked him to type his e-mail address into the file, and he did, not knowing what it was for, as if he had Alzheimer's disease or some crap like that... And after all the forwarding crap had finally been done for him? After ten or twenty minutes of this pointless crap? What did he say then, instead of a thank you?...

Him: "Okay! Now! I want to send my e-mails to my home account !"

Me: "... umm... right... you're welcome then..."

... and then I walked off... What else could I do, except maybe find a damn translator or some crap like that?... and yet this wasn't the only time in the past month that I got stuck with someone who simply refused to listen... Just the other day, as my friend was walking down the corridors with the Lego motor set we've been using for our Computer Hardware projects, some Chinese graduate student, with a voice just like Kermit the Frog's I might add, stopped us in the middle of the stairs (while my friend was still holding his fragile set in both hands, I might add... how considerate...), and said:

Him: "A Lego motor set! Can I have it?"

My friend: "No... It belongs to the school."

Him: "Oh... Can I borrow it then?"

My friend: "Umm... no... it belongs to the school..."

Him: "Oh... Where can I buy it then?"

My friend: "You can't buy it. You can only borrow it from the school for projects."

Him: "Oh... Can I have yours then?"

My friend: "Umm... no... you have to be part of our ECE341 class to sign one out."

Him: "Oh... Can I sign yours out then?"

My friend: "No. You're not part of our class."

Him: "Oh... Where can I get a Lego set then?"

My friend: "I already told you! You have to be part of our class to sign one out!"

Him: "Oh... Can you give me yours then? I promise I'll give it back..."

...

... and...

... umm?...

... no comment, I dare say...

...

... suffice to say, my friend sort of walked away then and there, while I was left to deal with the inept Bill Nye, the Chinese science guy, about why we didn't just hand him over about $500 in Computer Hardware equipment that was signed out in our bloody hell names... but still...

That's all normal, right? There's nothing out of ordinary there, now is there?... Like I've been saying, nothing's happened in my life that's even worth mentioning in the past few months of whatever kind of humped up, horny hiatus that I've been on...

... out with the old, and out with the new news, I always say... it's all Normal Again I'm afraid, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...

... providing that?...

... umm?...

Well, you take the good with the bad, I always dare to dream to say... Because I heard some of the best damn news I've heard all year long just the other day on the news. It seems that the Orgasmatron for women is finally in the testing phases, and if you've been living under a rock, the Orgasmatron is just a little implant attached to a woman's spine, that induces sexual arousal and intense orgasms by just the flick of a switch... hell, apparently as they were merely installing the device in the first test female, she started screaming and moaning on the surgery table itself... now that's progress for you! And it's about damn time (although if I was the surgeon... I'd get a little distracted from that, don't you think?...)!... because you see, doctors have known for years now, if not decades, that orgasms are one of the most easily reproducible, pleasure effects in the human body. All it takes is a couple electrical impulses, with about the same charge you can send in a damn mouse click actually, to make a girl cum like there's no tomorrow... and the thing is... yes, I know... although Viagra is popular as hell with the men, the thing is, sexual fixer-uppers are still considered taboo for women, as most of them were so turned off by the surgery needed for the Orgasmatron that the doctors actually had trouble getting test subjects for the early trials... But for the first few women who actually did go through with the procedure?... according to the news, one of the women, who hadn't had an orgasm for four long years, had explosive orgasms each and every damn time she had sex with her husband with the implant on...

Now that's progress for you!...

... now, I really shouldn't be the one talking here... I mean, unless this implant can even make a guy like me look good to a woman, the thing is, implant or no implant, I'm never ever going to get someone to come to cum at this rate... As the ever horny, ever geeky, no-name whiner, the thing is... I'm a virgin today, and if Virgin Records has its way, the only luck I'm ever going to get, is making a damn vibrator work for goddam once with my goddam engineering skills... But the thing is... even though I know that my eternal desperation and sexual damnation will never, ever pay off in the end, I still can't stop thinking of the orgasmatron, and all the joys it could bring me... of all the hope it could wield... Because you see, all my life, I've never really cared about pleasing myself in bed. All I really care about, is getting a damn girl to have explosive orgasms in bed, twenty goddam times over in a single fucking night... Sure, I know that if I ever do find a wife and need some implant to satisfy her needs, that I would never truly be a man in the world's eyes, and blah blah blah... but do I really care? As long as the woman I love is hugging her breasts and holding her breath in a euphoric state after it's all said and done, do I really care whether it was my own goddam Dick of a dick that did the job, or a wonderful wonder of technology that I only wish that I had invented?... dammit, sure I have other aspirations in life, like getting a job to make my parents proud, or actually getting more than a couple of visitors to actually read my goddam website updates for once... but still... in all honesty, and in all travesty... truth be told, beautiful be bold... the thing is... All I've ever really dreamed of in life?... has been to turn through passionate, hot, hourly sex, an otherwise normal, sweet, succulent, subtle and shy, virgin of an everyday girl... into an always wet, always horny, always masturbating, silky as a slide, sex slave...

... and what?... WHAT? Is there really anything wrong with that?...

... wait... don't answer that...

... heh... just the other week... I admitted to one of my old friends over MSN Messenger, that ever since Grade 7 hit, I can't get to sleep at night without dreaming of tentacled, sex demon porn in my head... and this all started, long before I ever first caught a glimpse of anime manga porn in late high school (which is the best damn porn on the face of the planet, thank you very much...)... and I admitted this all to my friend, believing that as a fellow guy, he probably has the same damn affliction as I do... but... umm?...

... he claimed he had no fucking idea what I was talking about... and I have no reason not to believe him, but...

It's all normal though, right?... The dreams... they're normal, right?... the dreaming?.... isn't it?...

...

... isn't it?...

...

... hello?...

...

... ah hell, AOL, screw it all. Whatever I dream at night is my own business, I guess... and that's normal... I'm sure of it... I think... though normalcy is all relative... isn't it?...

...

... isn't it?...

...

... not like it matters. Because it's all Normal Again, I always say... the Cheeseburgers without cheese? The Nuns shopping in The Bay to sell FUBU on eBay? The guys at my own school who either refuse to learn English, or refuse to listen to a word that an underling like me has to say?

Yup... definitely... indeed, and for sures... It's all just relative, as far as I'm concerned... it's all just as goddam, fucking normal as you can get... for sures on that... Absolutely nothing has happened in my life the past few months of any worth of words in detail... except?... well... except the little things in life you treasure... except the little things in life that are as ordinary as they come, of course...

... of course...

...

... because of course...

... it's all Normal Again, yet again, I always dare to dream to say... it's all Normal Again, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean..."