Y2kk Update: Alas, another New Year... and another New Year's Eve down the drain...

... guess it's my fault... it's always my fault...

I mean, as people get older, they look less and less forward to their birthdays, right?... especially women... oh dead God, are women ever pains around their birthdays... can't wait 'till 13 going on 30...

... it sucks always being the backup guy, "break in case of emergency", and never the bride... but I digress...

Because for the most part, at least on the outside, university students seem to love New Year's Eve. And why?... well, because you don't deal with family like the ever dreaded Christmas. And because most students tend to get drunk and most likely laid... I think those are the reasons why they like this one night of the holidays so damn much, When Harry Met Sally style, but I've never bothered to care enough to exactly figure out more...

The thing is, I've never gotten drunk, I've never gotten laid... and to be honest? I've never gone out for New Year's Eve. I'm just not that kind of person... I prefer staying in with the family, but the last thing on earth that I would ever want, is to see a bunch of belching asshole guys and girls, all binge drinking and feeling each other up when I have absolutely nothing or nobody better to do...

... but the thing is, as the years go by, as much as I still hate and irrationally spite New Year's Eve from a social standpoint... well?... it's just that, the older I get, the more I deep down inside wish that I could be like those people... I'm the ever classic, clinical repressed nerd afterall...

Now, I wasn't really invited. But technically yesterday, a friend of mine did invite me as his guest to his friend's New Year's Eve bash for the night... I wasn't interested of course. I don't need a pity party, or a party actually - considering truth be told? I really do hate society... or at least, people when they're showing off, having a damn good time...

... yes, people suck...

... and yet? After giving up that opportunity, all I could think about... was if I could've got lucky enough to get some drunk girl to suck my tiny dick?...

... bah... hedonism...

... and maybe lesbianism...

... the Lebron James temptations...

... God, that commercial sucked...

The thing is, every single year, like most people on the face of the planet, I have my own deep down, inner resolutions... I always want a girlfriend. I always want to succeed in school and the workforce. And I always want to make my family proud... all the generic resolutions of course, minus the god-awful diets people always go on...

But life never changes for me. It's always a constant, half because that's the way I like it, and half because that's just who I am... I wouldn't be able to stand myself if I put on a facade and actually tried to blend in with all the morons who somehow think they're funnier when they're drunk...

... then again, there's also a "true" part of me, that wishes I didn't feel that way about those people... So which side is really true in the end?...

... both, I guess...

... which sucks...

... and, well...

What sucks even more, is that my university schooling starts up again this coming Monday. So that pretty much makes the Christmas of 2004, into the shortest damn holiday I've probably ever had in my life... or at least, it definitely feels that way...

I hate university... I don't think the pressure is getting to me. Just the tedious boredom... and just like the cliche, I guess it's the big schools that get repressed guys like me to overbinge on drinking...

... except that I haven't ever gotten drunk...

... but sometimes? I don't know...

... sometimes I wish I had been drunk, just so that I can say that I have been...

... along with every other person on the face of the planet, who not-so-subtlely brags about it every New Year's Eve...

... but until the day I finally do cave into my temptations, then like I said on my Tweakui site, let me just wish both you two readers out there...

... a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... and good luck, in 2005...

Y2kk Update: Merry Boxing Day.

Or at least, the day after Boxing Day... or as it's better known as, "the day before today"...

But you know what? Like most men, I'll probably never understand Boxing Day...

... or at least, not the way that women do...

I used to be a big fan of Boxing Day myself, but even back then, I knew what I was getting into... I still knew the details and the sheer stupidity of it all, that the big brand stores would take $5 off products (but pretend like it's $50 off or some crap like that) that nobody gave a damn about throughout the entire year before, while the smaller stores would simply reduce their products back to the prices that they were before they inflated them for the Christmas holidays...

... still, those $5 off (even if the ads say $100 off...) are pretty damn tempting at stores like Best Buy. Sure, I know that in a month or so time, those very same damn products will probably be regularly priced and cheaper than they were on Boxing Day, but the enticement of a so-called sale is still rather... well... enticing...

But I will still never understand, the way that women indulge themselves like horny little chocolates on this Boxing Day...

I mean, it's not just at huge malls or Gap, Roots, or whatever kind of trendy stores that women seem universally fascinated by on this one damn day alone... They love to shop - shopping is more important to them than the actual purchase. I understand that at least... And believe me when I say that I'm cheap as hell with money, so I do get the thought of saving money as well... the sale is half the thrill, and half the battle aftrall...

They can go do their trendy store thing. They don't bother me there...

... but honestly, I have never seen so many damn women in my life in a Best Buy store at once, that it's simply ridiculous...

Did they all come in because MP3 players are the hottest, most trendy sort of shit right now? Did they all want iPods (not on sale) and cellphones (not on sale) and laptops (soon to be even cheaper in February) and all that other shit to make them seem cool at school or whatever sort of crap? I may never know... All I do know, is that for the first time that I can ever recall, the guys were flat out outnumbered by the women 2 to 1 in an electronics store... In a fucking Electronics store, for crying out loud!... This is supposed to be our domain. This is supposed to be our house, our gate, our moat, our castle, throw away the key... and yet there they were, by seemingly the hundreds yesterday morning (and even well into the afternoon), with hordes of gaggles of girls all falling prey to cheap ass 64MB MP3 players and 128MB Digital Camera flash cards that they never cared about before, which were all damn overpriced to begin with...

... uggh... I hate it when technology becomes mainstream... because mainstream always means that fucking women ruin the only part of shopping that I do like...

... the actual buying part of it all...

... well, I snagged myself a couple cheapass, third party Xbox wireless controllers anyhew. Which surprisingly work alright, if they ever do manage to lock on to the radio transceivers in any sort of reasonable time... Still, I can't really complain about the line-ups that much. Sure, all the girls were still lining up to get just 10% off their favourite DVD movies. But for the most part, only the store was full, as all the girls there were "shopping"... not so many of them were buying... guess that's the way it's always going to be...

...

Well, before I go, I might as well mention that I somehow got a 98% on my presentation a long time back for my Software Engineering course... Now, I still have no fucking idea how we managed that mark (even though the class average was 90% as well)... I mean, for Christ's sake, we had no jokes in our presentation, and we weren't overdressed like corporate pricks like so many other groups did. Our Powerpoint slides only covered half of what the other groups did, and we still went past the time limit somehow... I mean, for crying out loud, we were reading off of damn sheets for our presentation, instead of actually memorizing what the fuck to say about our Software Engineering process like every single other group seemingly did...

... in the end, maybe we got points for simplicity? Maybe the prof was actually intelligent, and deducted marks from all those assholes before us who dressed to kill, and sounded so damn cocky up on stage that it should've made the entire room's eyes roll over with glaze...

... still, a 98% for the major project of the year should help whatever shit I got on my final exam for that course... I can only hope that I do well overall in the course, otherwise my marks in every other course after the final exams will be utter crap and stay like crap, as the petition people will scoff at my medical petition (since they only take petitions from students who can prove that they can do well...)...

... so there's not much I can do now...

... except indulge myself on the passions and joys of consumerism at its best...

... ah, yes... I do love capitalism and the invisible hand... and so do women, apparently...

... now, if only I can stuff that invisible hand down their bra and panties (both on sale as they pant their way through shopping malls, of course...), then maybe Boxing Day wouldn't have been a complete and utter waste for me and my patience... but I digress...

ATI: Well, since I'll be getting a new computer (and hence, video card) within the next month or so, I guess I'm going to have to settle for the Radeon X600 XT series or whatever, because the 9800 series is still far too rich for my blood... I wish I could get my friends working at ATI for university co-op to just buy me a damn card, but with their set limit on how many video cards they can buy in a year, I already know that they used up their quota on closer friends or eBay, so...

Well, 3dGameMan has a review up for the Abit RX600 Pro 256MB PCIE over at: http://www.3dgameman.com/vr/abit/abit_rx600/video_review.html. Now, I wouldn't mind getting this video card, since I doubt I'll be getting any games other than Dawn of War and $10 FarCry anytime soon... But the problem is, I don't even think that the Athlon 64 motherboards out there have PCIE slots yet (and I don't really want an Intel mobo... I am damn cheap afterall...)... Still, I'll be checking out the PCIE scene for the next few weeks or so. Until then, Tech Report has a nice PCIE video card comparison up at: http://techreport.com/reviews/2004q4/midrange-pcie/index.x?pg=1.

ATI: Well, it was released a long time ago on a website far far away, but if you still haven't gotten the new 4.12 Catalyst drivers, then there's your New Year's Resolution for the holidays... I don't care what the new drivers do. I assume they do a bunch of stuff (mainly with Half Life 2 performance), so go ahead and get your copy at: http://www.ati.com/support/driver.html.

ATI: Saw over at Rage3d that a new Driverheaven ATI Catalyst Modder was released. Don't really even know what this software does, except modify the Catalyst driver inf files so that you can install them on your laptop Radeon Mobility cards. Still, go ahead and create a Discover Channel program about version 2.1 over at: http://www.driverheaven.net/patje/.

Y2kk Update: Holy fuck...

... holy hanna fuck...

... and fuck me...

... fuck me sideways...

... and unfortunately for me, not in a very good way...

Because you see, I got a few of my fourth year final exam marks back... and I think I already told you how my Databases test went, the bird course gone wrong I mean...

... but I never really expected the same from my Distributed Networking course... I mean, I went into the final exam with an 80% in the course, so how damn hard could it be?...

... pfft... serves me right for being cocky... or actually having confidence in myself for once...

... and for being sick with the flu at the same damn time I guess...

Because I ended up with a 49% on that fucking exam...

... a fucking 49%? WHAT THE FUCK?!...

... well, I would be complaining more about that anyhew, considering my mark dropped in that course like a bomb, from 80% to a 64%... and sadly, that kind of drop ain't really news to me, especially considering all the courses I've failed in computer engineering over the years...

... still, at least I got some sort of relief this week, when the professor normalized my mark from a 64% to a 68%... which isn't much of a sizable difference, mind you. Especially considering the mark I had going into the final exam, but still... a 68% can pretty much guarantee that I pass this first term of fourth year (barely, but still...). As long as none of my other fucking courses go way down south on me...

In Databases, I dropped from a 70% to a 62%. I was already embarrassed from my first mark, considering everyone I talk to claim that only people without a brain can score less than 80% in that course. So how do you think I feel after seeing my final mark?... I still don't know how my Software Engineering I course went, but I do have a good impression of what I got on my Multimedia Systems exam. And the outlook so far ain't so good... I went into that final exam with a 75% in the course, and I think I'll be lucky if I walked out of there with a 60% or higher...

... and sadly enough, that's all I ask for...

Still, at least I do actually have a contingency plan this term... I went to the doctor's in order to check out my potential pneumonia. I mean, I was seriously sick from December the 8th or something, all the way to just a few days before my last exam on the 20th. That's a damn long time to be sick, so in the middle of that time period, I did straddle in naked to get my chest x-rayed by a damn hot nurse...

... well, I was sick and delusional... she definitely wasn't hot. But as a virgin engineer, can I really complain?...

... anyhew, the chest x-ray came back negative, but even so, I still felt like I had some sort of sickening fluid clogging up my lungs for almost two damn weeks... Sure, it was quite a coincidence that I just magically got "sick" during my exam period, but I guess it also may show something that I still didn't feel well even after the bulk of my final exams were done... I was bedridden and kinda vomiting for at least a week straight, and my only real fear right now is that the damn committee will reject my goddam medical petition like they did last term...

... and ah, yes... petition time...

... kickass...

... 'tis the most wonderful time of the year...

... or is that the Christmas shopping season?... bah, I already can't tell. The two are so damn intertwined in my life, that they might as well be the same damn thing...

I spent two damn hours shoveling the worst damn ice storm that Toronto, Canada has seen in years yesterday morning... I'm not sore or anything, but I will probably kill the next person who's wishing for a fucking white Christmas... The only people who could possibly wish that, are the ones who didn't have to shovel that foot or more of snow that was frozen together by ice and hail and fucking freezing rain... or the other half of the world who doesn't seem to realize that we're fucking going to have negative 20 degree celsius temperatures up here come Christmas day... and of course, then came the buckets of hot water I had to pour on my car not only to get the damn doors open, but to get the damn engine running as well...

... and oh yes, did I mention that my car skidded out of control today as I was going downhill on snow?...

... and did I mention that a fucking, trendy bitch driving a fucking, trendy Toyoto Echo, almost drove right into me today as she was talking on her fucking, trendy cellphone?...

... ah, yes... good times...

And, well... if it's any testament to just how little work I do during the school year, I actually feel like I'm busier during my fucking vacation than I felt throughout my entire final exam period... It's not like I have any work left to do. It's just that, I did so little work for my final exams (both out of sickness and out of sheer procrastination, as always), that time just went by so damn slowly back then. Hell, it felt like I had hours upon hours of the day just to do nothing... And yet now that I'm finally free, where do the days go anyhew? I wake up at my usual time, and everything from then to the time I go to bed in a complete blur. It all feels rushed somehow...

... it all feels... I don't know...

... like Christmas?...

... which is tomorrow, by the way...

So as I prepare to wrap gifts for my family tonight, I might as well wish my two remaining download readers out there...

... a very God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and of course, a God Bless Us, Everyone...

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... heh... guess being holy hanna fucked sideways always does... at least to me...

Y2kk Update: Well, I've got a hell of a lot to complain about, but not so much to write about... or at least, I don't have the zest for writing right now. The writing is on the wall, afterall... whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm quite depressed. Morbidly, morosely, obesely depressed, actually... enough so that I think I willingly made myself sick yesterday... I was literally just riding the train yesterday morning to university, happily chugging away and getting ready to pretend to study for my exam that afternoon like I always do... when all of a damn sudden, I could taste vomit in my damn mouth. I almost gagged and spewed right on the train floor then and there, completely out of nowhere, with no real warning symptoms whatsoever... I held it in though, thanks to the bottles of water or whatever that I had brought on board. But it was weird, you know?... to suddenly get violently sick like that, almost as if on cue, you know?...

... on cue for what though?... now ay, there lies the rub...

And, well... I've had a fever ever since... Well, I don't really have a temperature right now, but I just sneezed, and already I can taste something foul and bile-like in my throat all over again... uggh... But I had to capitalize on my goddam misfortune, now didn't I? So instead of just faking a doctor's note this year, I actually got a genuine one for the first damn time in my life this morning... I mean, I'm sure I only have a flu, and that's what the doctor wrote for me this morning for twelve damn bucks... But during the check-up, he actually prescribed for me to go get a goddam chest xray, because apparently I had the breathing symptoms of goddam pneumonia...

... umm... right... unless I suddenly start vomiting again with no damn warning signals whatsoever all over again, I think I'd rather study for my next exam than line-up for a goddam x-ray...

... hell, I'd rather even be writing for my useless goddam webpages... which coincidentally, I am doing now instead of getting that goddam x-ray...

...

If you haven't been able to tell yet, I am quite depressed... and in case you haven't figured out why yet, it's because it's goddam exam time all over again, and once again I find myself failing left and right with no real excuses why...

... well, besides the fact I'm an moronic idiot who does no work, but that can't be it, now can it?...

In first year, I could claim that thanks to my pitiful high school, I was playing catch up to all the 99% high school average math whizzes who were taught my entire first year curriculum in their respective high schools... In second year, I could claim that all the Electronics crap I had to learn was just not my thing, considering I'm a computer engineer and all... and in third year? Well, I started running out of excuses then and there, but at least I could still claim that my grade/university class seemed to be too damn smart for their own good. That my year was having abnormally high class averages, especially for the University of Toronto, forcing guys like me to the bottom of the goddam barrel...

But what about this year? What excuses do I have left now?...

I wrote three damn exams this week... My first one, I think I did alright on. Then again, everyone in the entire class thought they did alright, and I'm talking about 200 people here... and I'm sure they'll mark brutally, considering the class average right now is over 80% in that goddam simpleton of a course... so where does that leave me? I won't know the answer to that for quite a while... but I do know the answer to another goddam exam I had this week...

On Tuesday, I had my damn Databases exam. And the thing is, I knew I wouldn't fare well, considering I have been royally sucking in this course from day one... Absolute inept computer science assholes have been claiming for years that this database course is easy beyond belief, and I think the class average proves it, considering the assignment average right now is 80%, and the test average is somewhere around 75% as well... And while I may be on par with the class in terms of tests, my goddam assignment average is no better than some crap like 55%... So just to save myself the ass-kicking embarrassment of getting my ass kicked in this "bird easy" computer science course, I dedicated myself to getting at least a damn 70% on the Database exam... I mean, how hard could that be, right? Just a fucking 70%...

... but that's when my worst goddam nemesis reared it's ugly head all over again...

...

... true and fucking false...

... uggh...

... and for those of you who don't know my infamous history with 50/50 chance 'guess-tions', then let my reiterate, that in my first year Algebra course, I got a fucking -100% on a quiz thanks to getting every single damn true and false question wrong... and losing marks for each and every single one that I fucking messed up... And since first year, the pattern has never changed. I have literally failed courses, thanks to my horrible, horrible luck when it comes to true and false... If only I just picked all true, or all picked all false, or hell, even left my pages blank, I wouldn't have failed nearly half as many tests over the years as I have... and yet I just can't ever seem to ever leave a damn question blank. It's not in my nature... and I guess it's certainly not in my nature to actually get true and false questions right, because I already got the results of my Database final exam in...

... I got 51%..

... a fucking 51%... and just looky what happened here?...

It turned out, that I got EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TRUE AND FALSE QUESTION WRONG (sans one) on the fucking exam... and lost 25%-30% of my goddam mark as a result...

... uggh... just great... I'm going to end up with a 62% in Databases, when even arts and science students taking it with no experience in computing whatsoever, can somehow manage to pull 90s...

... and yes, I am depressed about that... who wouldn't be?...

... I'm like the fucking village bicycle here, dragging the class average down...

... who hasn't had a ride on me?...

Well actually, I'm probably more depressed about my AI course... Now, thanks to the rankings systems, I knew that I went into that computer science course's midterm with the absolute lowest mark in the entire class. I was somehow doing worse than the few fucking first year arts and science students taking that course. And that's pretty goddam bad, regardless of which campus I go to... But after the midterm, even though I ridiculed myself for only getting a 41 fucking percent on the AI midterm, I at least saw that so many people did worse than me (somehow), that I was no longer the absolute bottom of the class... and for a while there, I actually diluted myself into thinking I could somehow manage to survive in this course... I had a chance to drop the course, but I chose not to, because I thought I finally fucking had a chance...

... well, I thought wrong...

... guess who's at the bottom of the barrel all fucking over again?...

... we got our latest assignments back this week. And guess the fuck what?...

... I got 45%... which was something like 20% lower than every other person in the entire class...

... now THAT's bad...

... and guess how the fuck I lost most of marks?...

... I got big fat 0's in a lot of places... I lost 30+ marks, from guess the hell what?...

... I copied the wrong values off of the goddam computer screen during simulation testing...

... I lost 30 fucking percent, from just writing ten fucking numbers wrong off the goddam screen...

... and yes, that is something to be embarrassed about...

... that's definitely something to be depressed...

...

So almost on cue, after seeing my marks this week and realizing that I desperately need to petition off my fucking so-called "bird courses", I got sick as fuck yesterday morning... and wrote my Distributed final exam with a killer throat and a migraine to boot...

It'll be ironic if I somehow do better on that exam than I did on all my other ones. But hey, I got a doctor's note out of it... if I don't do well, then at least I can write one fucking thing off...

... now, if only I could just write off this entire damn week of mine, then that'll be just great...

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... yeah... exam season...

... just great...

ATI: Well, it's almost time for me to buy a new computer, which means it's almost time to start obsessing over video cards again like I used to back when I started this webpage... Seems TechReport wrote a nice report detailing PCI-Express and its benchmarks. I should probably read it over before boycotting AGP for another 5 years over at: http://techreport.com/reviews/2004q4/midrange-pcie/index.x?pg=1.

ATI: In case I haven't said it here yet, I do have a boycott of the AGP system. Back when AGP1x and 2x were the new things still, I was pissed off as hell that Intel was trying to monopolize the industry away from PCI-X at the time, so I swore that I would never buy an AGP video card until the format became outdated... Well, I still haven't bought an AGP video card, so I guess my principle still stands. And because AGP isn't outdated yet, I gotta get myself a PCI-Express card, now don't I?... Moral of the story, is that 3dGameMan has a review up for the Abit RX600 Pro PCI-E. Since I can't afford the X800 series, then I guess I gotta look towards the 600 series over at: http://www.3dgameman.com/vr/abit/abit_rx600/video_review.html.

ATI: If you're looking for ATI R520 rumours, then TheInquirer has some stuff up about additions to Shader Models and crap like that... Pretend to follow along at: http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=20145.

ATI: Saw over at Rage3d that ATI may soon ditch the X700XT... Now, this doesn't mean anything to me. But I guess it'll mean a few things to those few friends of mine who are no co-oping for ATI... well, probably not to them either, but you might as well read the news over at: http://www.babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/.

Y2kk Update: Wow, one day of happiness for me... a calm before the storm... Will wonders never cease?...

The thing is, today hasn't been so bad for me... I was going to write tonight that I feel absolutely wretched and woeful... and sinful, might I add... over what I did to my Distributed Systems partner a while back. I mean, I completely fucked over our friendship when I acted like a complete ass in front of his relatives (not like I should've shown up at his working doorstep anyhew, mind you). And to be honest? I think my lack of internet smily faces and emoticons and shit like that is starting to really get to him over MSN Messenger. I am rather sarcastic, afterall...

But the big killer in our friendship over the past term has been our Distributed Systems programming mark... He signed up to be my partner for the second lab, because he trusted me when he heard that I was a good programmer... The thing is, he kinda heard wrong. I may able to get the job done, by my commenting and coding style absolutely licks balls. And he figured that out the hard way... I heard that he complained a lot to others how impossible it was to read the half of the code that I did wrote for that second lab. I don't know whether he was complaining in jest or not, but it still stung me inside, because it my own damn fault for not coding in a style that actually suits the human eye... And the final product that we handed in for that second lab? Thanks to my coding style most likely, exceptions weren't being handled properly. And it was also perhaps because of my poor damn coding, that we couldn't "properly" register and deregister decentralized clients. I mean, sure I managed to write a hack to do later on, with my "duct tape" method of programming... But there was a "real" way we were supposed to do it. And I was so damn terrified that I would be penalized for my hacking, and thus take my friend and lab partner down with me (wait... does that sound good?... nevermind...).

The big coup de grace finally came yesterday, when our marks were finally posted online... and according to the table, we got 83% on our assignment... Now, that would've been good enough for me alone. But my friend here always likes to be above class average, and the class average was a goddam 90%... and while my friend simply said the mark was "alright", I couldn't help but feel terrible inside... I mean, I don't mind fucking up my own mark. Sure, I feel guilty for screwing my parents out of their hard earned money turned tuition, but it's still my own damn life... But my friend's? He's quite the genius, and all day long yesterday, I was just trying to think up ways to repay back my partner, for dragging his fucking mark down thanks to my inept coding styles... It was the only thing I could think of yesterday. Ways to say I'm sorry...

Goddammit, I had guilt...

... and damn, am I ever obsessed with goddam remorse...

...

By the time today rolled around, I still hadn't thought up what to do to try to make it up to my friend. I was afraid he'd hold a grudge against me for life, if he doesn't already... I panic easily, when it comes to rapports... So out of the sheer feeling of hopeless helplessness, I decided to remind myself of my utter, dismal failure yet again (and just generally laziness, screwing everyone within a 5 meter radius of my ass), by checking the marks online a second time alone... I didn't expect anything to be different. I just expected to sigh, and be bitter at the world for fucking me, and letting me fuck someone over yet again...

... and then I saw my mark...

...

100%?

... one hundred freakin' percent on the assignment?!

WTF?!?...

...

... turned out, the professor had mixed up marks on the goddam webpage! And the new "official" marks claimed that my inept coding style, got a fucking 100% for my partner!...

... and damn, was I ever relieved... my friend was a bit relieved too, although he still seems to be acting a bit distant towards me... probably because of that family business intrusion of mine... or simply the fact that I talk about porn and orgasms all the time, but that's besides the point...

Still, a great big burden has been lifted from my shoulders... and in terms of days, today wasn't half bad...

I also got my latest Databases midterm back yesterday... Now, for a bird course, I am pretty much fucking up that course. I hand in completely unfinished labs that I get 50% back on, and I only got around 66% on my first midterm (which is acceptable, but still far from the class average, or from what I would consider a "bird course")... but the midterm I got back today?...

... wow... I got 88%...

... could've got 95% too... if I didn't miss one damn line (and if they weren't so stingest on that one line lost...)...

Now that's a bird course for you, finally...

So today wasn't such of a bad day... I no longer felt like Atlas or Syphilis or Tantalus, with a huge ass boulder of pain and remorse on my goddam shoulders and spine (although I fucking should, considering I handed in five assignments last week... and still have four due tomorrow, which of course I haven't done anything for yet...)... And hell, I even got some marks back today that boosted the hell out of my averages this term. I still may be ranked near the bottom of every fucking course I'm taking, but at least I'm not the actual bottom of the barrel anymore. Take that, losers who replaced me at the bottom of the barrel! Take that, you fucking replacement losers! I laugh at your misfortune...

I've said it before this month, and I'll say it again...

Somebody's gotta graduate at the bottom of the class. How do you know it's not your doctor?...

... heh... I shall be that doctor... or lawyer... or architect... or engineer... or whatever...

... but at least, I won't feel terrible for dragging my friends down with me...

... not for this one term, at least...

... and yes, that is what I consider a happy day...

... or at least, a calm before the storm...