Y2kk Update: Wow, just like clockwork. As soon as I'm free on vacation, I get so fucking sick and ill that it's ridiculous…

It all started early yesterday morning. I woke up with a scratchy throat but didn't think anything of it. It didn't take long for my head to start pounding and for even the smallest semblance of light to cause me to cower my eyes. The migraine I developed was enormous and I didn't even have enough energy to walk around the house without collapsing on the ground to catch my breath. I couldn't even find respite in laying in bed as my fever caused me to burn up to the point where half my body felt like it was on fire and the other half was freezing cold. I knew I wouldn't be able to get any real rest last night and just as expected, I woke up pretty much every single hour to either take a piss or because I just couldn't take the temperatures under the covers. At least my migraine is more or less under control today but I still feel like total and utter shit…

This is the worst flu I've had in quite a while. I wonder how I got it? I visited my grandmother and grandfather at their respective nursing homes yesterday, both of which are under partial quarantine due to outbreaks of flu in the area, so I'm hoping I just got it from there. At least in that case, I can feel safe that I didn't bring this god-awful disease into the company of my grandparents because I'm terrified that I could've infected them with a flu as bad as mine. My brother was also sick last night but only with a scratchy throat. He's had his flu shot so it's possible while his immune system was strong enough to deal with this virus, that he was still infectious enough to spread it when I gave him a Christmas hug. I'm not sure though, it's impossible to figure out the source of the mind-numbing pain that I'm in. All I know is that I almost always get sick whenever I'm finally done my work for the year and finally done my exams.

It's been a difficult year for me, albeit sadly by choice it seems. To be honest, I was getting pretty stressed out from all the work I had to do at university this year, enough so that I didn't even have time to update this download website of mine in months. I had four courses this term (two Advanced Financial Accounting courses, Intermediate Managerial Accounting and Introduction to Auditing), and the problem was how these four year courses of mine required so many goddam participation marks and group projects. I would go to my Auditing class every Monday immediately after work and suffer there as 15% of my mark was based on individual assignments to be handed in to the professor in person, along with group work with my team where we would discuss issues and write down our solutions on papers to be graded. That was bad enough for me, but what was even worse was all the group projects I had to endure. It seemed like every single damn weekend, I would have to meet with my team members for this course and work on our group assignments to be handed in the very next day. It was a terrible experience for me because I couldn't even enjoy my bloody hell weekends to myself. I barely had a single day to rest this entire past term.

And that was only one course. Auditing alone was bad enough, but I certainly got stressed out from my two Advanced Financial Accounting courses just as much in the end. Both of which had calculations and concepts that were actually difficult for me to understand, the first time since my engineering days at university where I actually had to concentrate to learn and pass the course. I've finished all my exams this year but I certainly don't feel confident about how well I did in each of my classes. I only got a 59% on my last midterm in one of my Advanced Financial Accounting courses, and I certainly don't feel like I improved my mark after taking the final exam that I did. I don't believe I'll fail the course or anything, but it doesn't really instill confidence in me that the Chartered Accountant standards in Ontario requires that I maintain an overall B average in my Accounting studies to be eligible for membership. Sure, I can always take the course again if I really need to improve my marks, but why bother suffering through hell again?

This was absolutely the worst semester of schooling for me since my days at engineering in terms of difficulty, and what made it even worse is that I was working full time at the same damn time at my job. When I first started at my company back in March, I did have six exams to take at university but I wasn't really stressed out because each of those six courses were relatively easy second and third year courses, and I didn't have any long hours at work to keep me busy beyond five o'clock. But after my projects at the insurance company started to ramp up during the late summer and fall term, I had no choice but to stay working at my company until six, seven or sometimes even eight pm, and I felt so damn miserable forcing myself to go to university class for participation marks after all of that. That's honestly how I felt this past term, absolutely miserable that I was so damn busy with no real time for myself in terms of relief. I normally don't get stressed out but even I admit I was starting to feel so with my final exams this term.

There was one particular weekend that I had honestly believed was the worst I had ever experienced. Back in November, thanks to the scheduling gods, I had three of my fucking midterms all to be written on the same damn Sunday. I tried to argue with the school against such a thing but they countered by claiming there's a rule against more than two final exams on a single day but not against three midterms. Disgusted, I tried pleading with each individual professor but none of them budged, claiming I have to deal with the hardships of life and all that other shit. Eventually, my Managerial Accounting professor did yield and let me write my exam the Friday before. I aced that exam, I think I got around 90% on it or something, but I certainly didn't fare nearly as well with my other two midterms. My first Advanced Financial Accounting midterm that Sunday ended up being a 70%, and my second one was the 59% that I mentioned before. What made that weekend even worse was that I also had a group project due for Auditing the following Monday. Thankfully, my group members did most of the hard work in that case, but I still had to contribute and I honestly did feel stressed out when it was all said and done. Combine that with deadlines at the insurance company I was working at the following week and I don't know how I survived that November.

The question in my mind now is, was that November weekend the worst I had ever experienced or does this past week before Christmas now take the cake? My original schedule consisted of my first Advanced Financial Accounting final exam on the 15th, my Auditing exam on the 18th and my second Advanced Financial Accounting exam on the 20th. My company Christmas Party was scheduled for the evening of the 21st so I thought things would work out fine. Naturally though, fate just doesn't give two shits about me, as a fire broke out at York University which destroyed the heating generators at the school and caused my first Financial Accounting final exam to be delayed, where it was of course postponed to December the bloody 23rd. In a way, that was a benefit to me because it gave me more time to study, and in other ways it was horrible because now it was situated after my company Christmas Party which eliminated a lot of time I had to concentrate. I managed to finish my first two exams just fine, but it was this newly postponed one that was worrying me the most. The last thing I wanted was to go to my company Christmas Party and leave completely too tired to concentrate the next day. That's exactly what happened though, of course.

To be honest, maybe the long walk to the Christmas Party was the reason why I ended up getting so sick these past two days? My company office is in downtown Toronto around University and Dundas, and the party was at the Academy of Spherical Arts by Dufferin and King Street. When I checked the GPS, I thought it would be a manageable walk, but nope, it definitely wasn't in the end. It took me over an hour to get to the party location, and that was with the freezing bitter cold wind blowing in my face the whole way there. December here in the GTA has been the coldest I can ever remember it being this year so far, and I think it felt like -12C or -15C with wind-chill that night. I wasn't even wearing a hood or a hat to cover my ears that evening, so I arrived at the party freezing fucking cold. I marveled at the time that I didn't get sick along the way somehow. Well, I'm not marveling or applauding myself any longer…

The company Christmas Party was alright. It was a billiards sort of posh dinner party location, so I had a decent enough time watching my coworkers beat each other at games of pool. I wasn't planning at first to join in because of my embarrassment at how improper I hold the pool cue when aiming, but I figured I've embarrassed myself at this corporation enough times for one year so why not another? I never got the chance to play before dinner arrangements began though. The appetizers of butternut-squash soup and a salad of some sort were not very good at all, especially in terms of salad dressing which was far too sour to be endurable. The main course of a 6 oz steak in fig and plum sauce actually was cooked quite well in terms of being medium-rare, but my table was served last in the entire venue so unfortunately my meal arrived to me a bit too cold for my liking, especially on that night. Dessert was just some giant brownie thing which was so hard and grating on the teeth that it made me long for the sour salad dressing back. Overall, it wasn't the greatest fine dining experience I've had, but I guess it was understandable considering how many patrons the place had to serve that night. We ended off the official festivities with Secret Santa gift giving, and of course I as the guy who barely ever drinks a drop of alcohol gets the gift card to LCBO. Guess it felt like a truly appropriate way to cap off the evening somehow, but I digress...

Since the Christmas Party, I've pretty much been on vacation, half by choice (I was too stressed from school to continue working) and half against my will (I'm on contract and my company does not want to pay me). I spent the better part of the day before Christmas buying last minute presents, and then Christmas day spent at my cousin's house was decent enough (provided that the dirtiness of the place is not what caused me to feel as ill as I do right now, that is). I always appreciate time with family and I'm really looking forward to the next few days. We're planning to go to my sister-in-law's parents house for a late Christmas or early New Year's celebration, and my brother and his wife have also invited us over to their new home for the holidays as well. My brother and I already christened their place with a ritual watching of Die Hard after my exam on the 23rd (where I drove to his home around midnight and left before 3 am), but I'm thinking the more we continue to help make their new house feel like home, then all the better.

I had helped my brother and his wife move to their new home in early December, about a week after my hellish weekend of three exams, a group project and a major work deadline. I technically was free that weekend, although part of me wished I could've just relaxed for the first time in ages. Nevertheless, I had a great time in helping them move as I actually felt like I was doing something that I wanted to do for once (a feeling I haven't gotten from school or work in quite some time). Some of our cousins and one of his best men also helped out in the move and we were done the whole thing before we even knew what hit us. My brother had rented a U-Haul truck and commented that it sadly performs about as well as the Ford minivan I drive to work each day. I knew at the time that I was going to miss my brother and his wife after they moved out of the basement, and in all honesty, I almost shed a tear when I had to say goodbye. It was time that they got some privacy though, and I'm hoping that I get the chance to visit them in their new home almost every week in the New Year. I guess we'll see how school and work goes for me though. As bad as my past term has been, my next term may even be worse with so many damn group projects…

The happiest time of the year for me was definitely the summer, before this latest term at school had started and before all these deadlines at work had started to crawl up my ass. I know I wrote all about my summer events in my last update, from my trips to Chicago and Charlotte to my brother's bachelor party and wedding, but I just felt like mentioning a few things more about each of these memories simply because I don't want to forget as the years go by. Besides, I'm sitting in my bed right now with a fever that's too hot for me to get any rest and too fucking chilly to get out from underneath my covers. What else can I do?...

When it comes to my trip to Chicago, I forgot to mention how it started off on such a bad note. My brother, his fiancée at the time, and myself had taken a taxi to the airport late at night for our departure flight, only to find that all flights had actually been cancelled due to windy storms in the Windy City or some sort of crap like that. It wasn't the delay that pissed me off the most though, as sadly I was never much of a fan of flying to Chicago late at night just to try to get some rest on an inflatable mattress later on. What actually upset me the most was the fact that we had wasted $30 on a taxi ride getting to the airport, and now we had to waste another $30 to get back. What can I say? I hate paying taxi drivers. Such a damn rip-off…

In Chicago, one of the moments I remember most was being in the bar lounge where there was live music. There was some hipster behind the piano and he was singing the standard songs that get the booze-induced crowd to respond. My favourite of them has always been Sweet Caroline or whatever that tune is named, though I always hate how the crowd adds the "so good, so good" part and always sound so off-key when they do so. Either way, even when that song came up, I still didn't sing along. I had asked my sister to take us to a jazz bar that weekend but apparently none were open that Saturday night. So instead, she took us to this little hipster joint that was barely larger than my bedroom, and while I didn't actually think it was all that bad, I seriously acted like it was. I didn't bob my head or even tap my feet to the beat of the music, something I do for show whenever I'm out at musical shows with others besides my family (such as with my coworkers on the 16th when I had to sit there for four hours in front of a cliché band, worried about my upcoming exams while my managers just kept downing drinks). I'm not sure why I was such a downer when I was at the lounge in Chicago. I guess I still feel a bit guilty that I didn't show I was having fun.

My trip to Charlotte is more of the kind of thing that I'm into. Whenever my coworkers ask me what I did in North Carolina with my friend, I never really have a good response because the stuff we end up doing always sounds so uneventful. What counts to me though is that I spend good time with the only friend I've been able to count on and trust for the past ten or more years of my life. When I was in Charlotte, what I always remember most is going to the Italian pizza place not far from his house. There's just something personal about the atmosphere there that I can so easily recall, from the sights and sounds to even the manager there that has spoken to us both times that I was in the city. The Italian pizza there is amongst the best that I've had and like I said, I just like spending time with my friend sometimes. And for some odd reason, I also strongly remember the Blockbuster Video that was next to the pizza place, or what's left of it at least. I've always been a fan of video stores from my youth, although I'll be first to admit I don't spend nearly as much money at them as I used to. The Blockbuster next to the pizza place was now closed as this was around the time the company was declaring bankruptcy. I guess I felt a piece of history was dying off.

For my brother's bachelor party, I'll never forget the drive I had on the way to Blue Mountain. Call me sheltered if you will, but I've never actually bothered to drive through the forests of Ontario in either summer or fall. I'm not sure if I'll ever be a cottage type of person in the future, but if it wasn't for goddam gas prices (and all the group work I've had to do for school), I would've definitely considered making a return trip through the highways and towns of Ontario on a weekend where I just want to feel free and roam. There was a time long ago where I was afraid to get behind the wheel, and unfortunately traffic and the hour long commute on the way to my insurance company every morning has made me cynical to hop back into my car again. But there are definitely times that I love the freedom that a vehicle brings, and making the two hour trek to Blue Mountain for the bachelor party was definitely one of them.

Similar to the lounge in Chicago, I guess I feel bad for not appearing like I was having as much fun at the bachelor party as I was. I spent the last day in my room studying for my law exam, but besides that excuse, I really honestly enjoyed myself more than I let on. Half of my time though was spent in the basement playing billiards. My cousin didn't feel like drinking much at the time (he seems to show restraint when he's with family versus friends), so he spent time with me just playing some pool and kicking my ass. It was a simple little diversion but I had a good time. I knew I wouldn't fit in with the rest of the crowd upstairs as they drank away their nights with poker, but whoever came down to the basement, I'd make some talk and play with them a round of pool. Maybe I didn't really realize how good of a time I was having until I had to leave. I still remember feeling a bit sad as I was snapping a bunch of photos on the last day, of the scenery outside and the camaraderie inside. The sky was so clear and the air was so clean. Just sitting out on that balcony and being there with family, that's what made the bachelor party special to me.

Well, I did enjoy the cottage side of things but not exactly the bar hopping my brother and his friends did at night. What I sadly remember most from that is how damn cold I was, shivering in the dark on the patio of one of the river-side bars. Maybe I'm only concentrating on that memory now because feeling freezing cold is exactly what I'm experiencing here as I'm sitting ill on my bed, but I guess I may never forget just how miserable I was sitting there without any alcohol in my system to keep me warm. It's not like I never ever drink, I taste tested the red and white wine at my brother's wedding and I always toast with real champagne, but I just don't feel the need to drink when it's not necessary for formalities or for making others happy. One of my brother's best friends confronted me about it, which is why I sadly still hold a partial grudge against him to this day. He sort of condemned me for not drinking that summer night in order to make my brother feel more at ease, which kind of hurt though I eventually shrugged it off. Now, I'll fully admit that this friend of my brother's definitely helped make the wedding and move to the new house into something special, and I did look miserable while freezing my ass off so maybe he was just trying to help me feel better in his own way. I just wish he didn't make me feel bad about it, that's all.

My brother's actual wedding will always be the highlight of the year for me. I still don't know how I managed to pull off the speech I did. Yes, I still feel ashamed and embarrassed about forgetting my lines near the end of my part, but at least it worked in my favour as it looked like I was simply getting choked up with emotion. And I still don't know how I mustered all the energy I did for the wedding games in the morning or the festivities at night, as I was so nervous about the speech and I was so worried that I would screw up the wedding games. I still remember the stern looks my brother gave me at the Church ceremony when I acted awkward and didn't know when to give my new sister-in-law a hug. I'm still not wise or aware enough at times like that to know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do. What I really appreciate though is that my brother realized I was doing my best to make the day into something real special for him, and even though he was so stressed out (enough so that he blew up at my cousin when she came to him with a decoration problem), he never really took it out on me once. I am so happy that he got married and I was so relieved that he thought the day had gone perfect in his eyes. We had done our best to hide all the problems in the background from the bride and groom, and if we as his family deserve a pat on that back, it's for that. Everyone contributed, from the best men to the bridesmaids to all my cousins. We all did our best to make that day as perfect and memorable as could be and I feel like it worked.

Alas, I'm still embarrassed over how I danced. Watching a video of myself taken from a cellphone of me making my moves? Ha, God, I'm so uncoordinated that it's not even funny (or at least not funny to me). But I danced the night away because the other best men were right, it would look bad if we didn't look like we were having fun. And I toasted with champagne and even tried a beer to celebrate with my peers, simply because it was a night to remember and I wanted to show my brother's friends that I truly appreciated what they had done for him that day. The last thing I really remember is how damn tired we were at night. I was sitting in the green room with my sister and brother and he thanked me for the wedding speech and that I did my best to have so much fun at the party. He knew that it was rather unnatural for me to do so, and he appreciated the fact that for one day of the year at least, I wanted to let myself have a good time. I'll really do anything for my brother, I'll even admit (maybe one day) that dancing the night away was kind of fun. We ended off that wedding night with my brother-in-law and sister driving myself and the newlywed couple to their hotel. They were so tired and innocent looking together that it was adorable. They sort of just fell into each others arms and started snoozing. They looked so happy and content. As their big brother, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Family will always mean everything to me.

And since the wedding? Like I mentioned before all these memories of mine, I started the fall school term and soon realized how damn painful and unaccommodating fourth year courses are for people who work full time. My projects at work started to ramp up as well, with more deadlines and more milestone meetings with clients and more long hours that made me show up to my full time course-load an hour or so late into every lecture. I've had to deal with numerous social gatherings for work, such as the celebration dinner for the pseudo-ending of our insurance company project on the 16th and the Christmas party where I practically froze to death along the way. And yeah, I still remember the day my brother and his wife moved out. They were living in the basement for a few months after their honeymoon, and while I realize they need their privacy and their own home as a married couple, I still wish they were around anyway. I'm happy the whole family contributed to their new house in terms of financing and the actual moving process, but there are just some nights though that I wish my brother was still home to talk to, that's all…

I guess you can say things are more or less status quo for me then. I'll heal soon enough from this flu of mine and then it'll be a new year and a new term at school. Granted, I am rather depressed for a number of reasons, as my sister has moved to Asia, my close cousin will be working at different hospitals across the province this year so I'm not sure when we'll spend time together, and my brother isn't home to keep me company anymore. That's just life though, we all have to move on. I'm also not sure when's the next time I'm going to get the chance to write either. My next term at university looks to be potentially even busier than this one thanks to two Advanced Auditing courses with bloody hell requisite group projects every damn weekend. And I'm also now being put on a new project at my job with a lot tighter deadlines and many more micro-managers to boot. To be honest, I'm getting the feeling like I'm being marginalized at my company as well, but I guess we'll see what happens there soon enough…

Because it all sounds like so much fun, now doesn't it? Well, if only this migraine of mine wasn't roaring back full force due to staring at the LCD monitor for the past hour or so of writing, then maybe it would be…

So in case I don't get the chance to write again before the New Year, I just wanted to wish you two readers out there the same, old IvanF usual: a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone…

… and a good luck and a Happy New Year.

Y2kk Update: I guess I should probably just get down to business here. Nobody really reads my website, but I just feel like logging about what I've been up to anyways...

On the May 24th weekend, my brother, his fiancee and myself all went down to Chicago. It was really nice of them actually, they actually paid for my plane tickets because they couldn't think of anything better to get me for my birthday. We went down to the States to visit my sister, who was finishing up her MBA at Kellogg's at Northwestern before flying off to Beijing to be with her husband. There were moments on the trip that I didn't have a great time, notably whenever my siblings were criticizing me over the little things in life or the big things about my personality. I personally thought their timing was a little off, considering they really made me feel like I had ruined their vacation with my usual annoying clinginess and stuff. Still, beyond all the family crap that normally goes on, I think we all had a good time. We all got to sample some good food, namely at Fogo de Chaud where we all pitched in for some Brazilian BBQ, and later at Gino's East where I treated them all to Deep Dish Pizza for my new job at the time. We only spent three or four days in Chicago, and like I said, at times my family really made me feel like a complete outsider on this trip. Then again, there were times I really appreciated them and remembered just how much I'll miss my sister when she leaves.

My next trip was to Charlotte, North Carolina. I went there in late July and it was my second time visiting my friend there, a friend I've sorely missed having around here in the Greater Toronto Area. We're both relatively quiet guys so it's not like we did anything crazy. I got to go back to his favourite pizza place which always ends up serving good food. We watched Inception amongst other films together, which always reminds me of how much I miss going to the movies with him every week or so. I admit, I'm not a big film fan any longer and sometimes this actually annoys my friend, it seems. What I do enjoy is going to the movies with him and having something to talk about afterwards, since it's always great to have good conversation with close friends. And really, while most of our time in Charlotte was simply going to restaurants and catching a movie at the theatre later at night, I really did enjoy my stay in Charlotte. My friend is always a good host and I even still like the novelty of flying solo on a jet ride down to the States. I wasn't a big fan of my plane ticket cost (even on sale, it was twice as much as I paid two years ago, which is ridiculous during a recession), but it was definitely worth the trip to spend some time alone and with a friend. The weather there was brutally humid and hot, I even started sweating profusely during mini-golf of all things, but I really do miss having my friend around here and I'd happy to go to Charlotte again.

I probably would've enjoyed my vacation time even more if it wasn't for school blocking the way. I really did enjoy my return to university initially last year, I thought it was fun to get back into studying and to roam about campus with the hope of finding new friends. But things didn't turn out the way I had hoped they would, namely thanks to work and my age finally creeping up on me. I still haven't found any new friends at York University, and ever since I started my new full time job in March, school and my marks just haven't been the same. I'm proud of how I still managed to score B+'s and A's when I had six courses (and seven exams) to finish back in April, but I was only in training at work at the time and didn't have to pull in the mental overtime that I do today. During the summer, I only had four university courses (second year law, and third year Operations Management, Canadian Income Tax and Intermediate Accounting II), and I found myself struggling with each one. In the end, I managed a B+ in the Operations Management course since that class featured the most basic of math, but I really was struggling in Canadian Income Tax until I miraculously ended up with a B after the final thanks to the bell curve, and I also barely passed Intermediate Accounting II with a C+. Technically, a pass in a course should be simply a D (or so I thought when I first returned to school), but it seems York University has some weird system where each prerequisite for a later course is required to be at least a C+ or higher. Which means, thanks to my full job work interfering with my full time studies, I came dangerously close to failing my course and not being applicable for all four of the classes I'm scheduled to start this fall term. That's not a feeling I liked. I had enough of it back in my University of Toronto days...

The mark in my law course was a bit of a perplexing story. I went into that final exam with at least an A, yet when I saw my mark posted on the York website, it claimed I had received a C+. While a pass is a pass, I was completely baffled as to how I could've dropped so far in that course when I thought the exam was pretty damn simple. After e-mailing the professor, it turned out it was all a blunder. He corrected my mark on the York website and it turned out to be a B+, which was about what I was expecting when I left that exam room. I have no idea how the TA's or whoever else could've screwed up my score that damn badly. I'm just happy it got taken care of, especially when it comes to worrying my brother. I'm a horrible liar, and the dumb (or brotherly) thing was, he was concerned about my law exam mark since York university had actually scheduled my final exam the very day after his bachelor party weekend...

What is with my school and my work scheduling such horrible dates for me anyways? I already mentioned how I had just started my new job just one or two weeks before I had seven final exams to write in the Spring term. Then next thing I knew, I had an Operations Management test scheduled for during my May 24th vacation, and my goddam Canadian Income Tax midterm was set to take place the very day after I returned from Chicago. I managed to reschedule my Operations Management one and got a good mark as a result, but I couldn't do the same with Canadian Income Tax, and since I really didn't feel like studying while on bloody hell vacation, it all led to a travesty of a mark which I'm thankful my final exam mark erased. At least school didn't interfere with my trip to Charlotte in any way, though unfortunately my work life happily took its place. The day that I left for Charlotte was the day that my managers had set up some big presentation of mine to our corporate clients. I had no choice but to skip it since the clients refused to reschedule, and I left pulling a ton of overtime to make my deadline for that goddam morning. Then it was both work and my university studies that screwed up the scheduling with my brother's bachelor party. There was no way I would miss out on the only bachelor party he would ever have in his life, but with a work deadline (and yes, yet another presentation to the clients) due the very day we were set to leave for the weekend getaway, and also with my bloody hell law final exam scheduled the very day after the bachelor party? Well, the only thing worse would've been yet another work milestone and yet another damn presentation to the client the day of my brother's wedding, which, as you two readers have probably guessed, my manager scheduled for me as well. In the end, that was a total of three of my four presentations to the client that I had to skip or reschedule, and I was working until after 7 pm and studying past midnight for so many of those days...

In the end, it was all worth it though, I believe. I had a great time in Chicago, despite my Income Tax exam the day after. I had a great time in Charlotte, even if I was scrambling for work up until the very hour that my plane was to depart. And I had a great time at the bachelor party, even though I had to spend the latter day skipping frisbee amongst other things to stay in my assigned room and study bastard law principles until pretty much I was bored to tears. At least, my brother was happy and relieved to hear that I did well enough in that course...

His bachelor party was a weekend getaway in the Blue Mountain region, and it was scheduled by myself, my co-best man and the other groomsman. As the co-best man, there was no way I would be missing out on three days of enjoying clean country air, as it would be my first time ever staying in a cottage or Chalet or whatever we had rented for a grand. The first night was mainly just everyone drinking around me, as I basically just sat there and somewhat enjoyed seeing everyone else get drunk. My brother was certainly in a good mood afterward, and my co-best man got so wasted that he wandered off to another bar thinking we were right behind. I spent most of that night just talking and relaxing with my cousin and his sister's boyfriend. Even if I only had cranberry juice in hand, I still pretty much enjoyed that first night. It was a brand new experience for me to just stay in a country cottage with nine or so other guys as we cooked BBQ and played video games all night. Sad as it is to say, it was one of those simple experiences I never had before so I cherished it when it came.

The second night wasn't as fun, as we went out to another bar at night and everyone got just as hammered as the first night. It's fun to watch people get drunk and puke once in a while, but it kind of gets tiring two nights in a row if not more. That's where one of the groomsmen actually seemed to have a problem with me. He's an honest guy when sober and probably even more blunt when drunk, and he pretty much criticized me with a harsh tone of how I wouldn't even have a drink when it's my brother's one and only bachelor party. My co-best man has always been cool about it, he's a nice guy and he realizes that if I'm going to drink, I'll do it for my own reasons and not anyone else's. The groomsman is also a cool guy, but he definitely has a pet peeve against anal, uptight nerds like myself who can't enjoy a good party. And the truth is, I kind of did feel bad that second night for not sharing in any shots or even having a beer. It's not like I had to go driving anywhere and the groomsman did make me feel kind of guilty for just sitting there in the shadows. In the end though, I chose not to drink, partially because I didn't want the guilt of having alcohol simply because of his peer pressure. He kind of ruined my night a bit, but maybe that was more from my own insecurity.

The third day at the bachelor party was the day I was stuck inside studying for my exam. And to be honest, if I was at home before this law exam, I probably would've just procrastinated by writing a download update or cleaning up the house, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I was there at the bachelor party. My brother didn't want the guilt of having me fail my course because of his party, and he even had asked me to leave the Blue Mountain getaway early so that I could have some peace and quiet at home. I would've felt terrible if I did that, so I stayed and studied all the way with the hope that I wouldn't let down my brother (which is the real reason why I got so frightened when I saw that initial C+ as my mark). The fourth and final day at the cottage was mostly just breakfast and hanging out admiring the breeze and view before we were set to depart. The night before, we had all eaten wings and heard lots of stories of the glory days that my brother used to have in university. After reminiscing like that, we were all ready to get back to our normal lives and get ready for his big wedding day. Even if I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol, and even if that one groomsmen sort of made me feel terrible for sucking the life out of the party (which I guess hurt me more than I expected, since it was a very similar criticism to what my sister and brother were telling me back in Chicago), I still thought I had a good overall time relaxing in Blue Mountain. And what matters most to me is that my brother really enjoyed his time there with friends and family as well. It was a good weekend, one that I wouldn't mind going through again sometime.

After the bachelor party, I somehow suffered and survived through my final exams for the summer university term and then finally it was time to prep for my brother's big day. It was a really important week in so many ways for everyone involved, really. It started off with the anniversary of my grandfather's passing, and since my sister and brother-in-law had just come back from China for a couple of weeks, it was good for my mother that our entire immediate family was there at the cemetery. Then the following Tuesday, it was actually the champagne birthday of my brother's fiancee, who was turning 24 on August the 24th. It's hard to believe how special this year is for her, considering she just started the marketing job she's always wanted, her and my brother have already bought a house that they will hopefully be moving into by the end of the year, and it's also the year of her Chinese animal to top it all off. Her birthday felt really special, even if it wasn't really about her birthday so to speak. My brother and his fiancee had scheduled a dinner with the parents and the wedding party, and we all had a great time as we exchanged stories and gifts around the table. The happy couple had treated ourselves and the priest that had driven all the way from Ottawa to marry them, to an entire Chinese banquet dinner that really was a nice preview of what we would have at the wedding. After dinner, even though I technically had to work early the next morning, I made sure to stay out at the bar to celebrate my soon to be sister-in-law's birthday as long as I could. Once again, I didn't drink anything at all, which raised an eyebrow or two as usual, but I had a fun time nonetheless simply being there with family and people that I cared about. Heh, I even tried to get to know one of the bridesmaids a bit better, but I guess it didn't take...

Work was really hectic for me that week, unfortunately. Like I mentioned before, once again my managers had scheduled a presentation for me to the clients about the project we're working on. We have milestone deadlines to meet and unfortunately, considering I was taking the Thursday and Friday off that week, that meant I had to work a lot of extra hours to finish the product as best I could. I'm not sure if they appreciate me at work or if they'll reward me once my contract is up in October, but all I cared about that week was being there for my brother and making sure his special day went off as best it could. Emotions were running high at the time at home, with my brother and I even getting into a heated verbal fight over something as lame as how attached I am to my parents and family. I understood the kind of pressure he was under though, and I did my best to support him the only ways I knew how. I did manage to finish my part of the project on time, but it's kind of ridiculous how little sleep I got that week as a result. And then combine that with just three hours of sleep the day before the wedding (because I stayed up until 3 am practicing my speech), four hours of sleep the night after the wedding (thanks to a 4 am bedtime and a wedding party brunch the next morning), and then finally only another three or four hours of sleep the day after (since I had to drive my brother and new sister to the airport for their honeymoon at 4 am and I really couldn't get back to sleep after)? I don't know how I survived that wedding weekend with all the energy that I had. I didn't even have any tea or coffee. Sometimes I surprise myself...

Thursday night was relatively quiet but still special. My brother, my brother-in-law, and us groomsmen all went to The Keg together to celebrate my brother's last night of bachelordom. The long weekend at Blue Mountain was fun, but something personal and intimate like a good steak dinner is something I'd prefer for my own bachelor party one day. We spent the night mostly talking about strategies for the wedding games that would happen the morning of the wedding. In Chinese (or Hong Kong) custom, the groom and his groomsmen (and whoever else is invited to participate) arrive at the home of the bride to pick her up, but are not allowed into the house by the bridesmaids until several challenges are first met and then a lucky money payment is made. I thought we came up with a good strategy, personally. My brother was set to start off with gifts of the bride's favourite jam and morning breakfast cereals (keep in mind, the games are meant to be both funny and personal), then would follow that up with a teddy bear and flowers. If we still couldn't get past the bridesmaids after that, we'd bring out the big guns of first a choreographed (or lack thereof) group song, and then finally we'd present a family of paper cranes (a running theme of their relationship) representing the groom, the bride and the two children she wants. To be honest, I was a bit nervous heading into the wedding day, not just because of my best man duties or the speech I'd have to make, but also because of the challenges of the morning games. Like I mentioned before, I didn't get to sleep until 3 am because I was practicing my speech and then three hours later, the first thing I thought to myself when my second alarm clock woke me up was, I can't even feel my damn legs. How am I ever going to make it through the games let alone the rest of the day?...

And I've got to admit, there were a few moments during the games when I actually was starting to feel a bit down. It was my brother's big day though, so I sucked it up and put on a smile and ended up having a good time when all was said and done. For example, there was this "seaweed" game that I will never speak of again after this download update. In this game, the groom and us guys had to pass a tiny piece of seaweed from one person's mouth to another, with each piece of seaweed getting smaller each time. I was an idiot and even though everyone else was smart enough to use their lips, I was actually using my teeth to clench and hold the seaweed wafer. I wish somebody had jokingly told me what to do, but instead the groomsman who had a problem with me not drinking at the bachelor party, kind of sternly and seriously told me to use my lips when I think I came too close to his. I felt bad for a second, but I knew how important this day was to my brother so I put on a smile and breathed in as much courage as I could to do it properly the next time the seaweed came around. Lucky for me, my cousin accidentally ate most of it and my co-best man dropped whatever was remaining when his lips came too close to mine. In the end, I had a good time, whether we were making Lebron James poses in front of fake photographers (as celebration for a successful challenge) or whether I was apparently cheating at push-ups while everyone else kept going. It was a gauntlet of games, none of the challenges (save the seaweed one, of course) were difficult, but the games went on for almost an entire hour and I was so fucking tired when it was all said and done. It was tough to get the lucky money offering down from $3999 to $309 (even the paper cranes didn't seem to work), but it was all definitely a memory I won't forget.

Next up were the photographs. I thought we were going to be taking them in a nearby park that is known for its scenery, but the university students that my brother and fiancee had hired were rather modern in their artistic thinking and actually took us outside a Longos supermarket for snapshots instead. What ended up happening was, while the bride was actually sitting in a shopping cart and having her photo taken that way, the manager of the supermarket came out and offered us free Starbucks drinks in exchange for a photograph in front of his Longos sign. Being the sell-outs that we were, we kindly accepted the offer and thankfully got some free drinks out of it. Not only that, but besides the much needed rest we got from taking pictures after all those morning games, my brother and his soon to be wife even got a few more pictures inside the Longos that surprisingly worked well with their careers in the food sales and marketing industries. When the photographers first took us to the shopping centre, I was very confused and questioning the decision because it certainly didn't seem wise to be taking pictures in front of fire-trucks and inside of shopping carts that could've easily ripped the wedding dress. Thankfully though, the gamble paid off and not only did my brother get some great original photos, but the entire wedding party got enough caffeine or sugar in ourselves to give us the energy to get to the Church for the wedding with style.

The ceremony itself was relatively standard, but for those who really care about my brother and his fiancee, it was an absolutely beautiful ceremony that I couldn't be more happy about. Well, there were a few small moments of my own I'd change. The first though was probably not my fault, as I seemed to be the only one in the entire Church to respond to a prayer (and I got a snicker for my lonely wolf sound from a bridesmaid as a result). The second gaffe was larger and more my fault, when the priest was preparing for Catholic Eucharist. Instead of continuing to kneel at the front with my brother, his new wife, and the maid of honour, I got confused and I actually sat back down. I didn't know the priest would come to us and give us Eucharist where we were kneeling, I had originally thought we would have to get in line, so I looked like an idiot when I was the only one of us four to head back to my seat. And the last thing I'm kicking myself over was after signing the registry to confirm their marriage. It was an honour for me to be able to act as their witness to the marriage, and I felt horrible when my brother kind of got annoyed at me. I have a tendency to not just be a follower in all things, but I also literally walk behind everyone else when given a chance. That annoys my brother from time to time. At the wedding, I felt that he and Margaret should've walked down from the registry signing together first, so when I was waiting for them to pass, my brother actually gave me an annoyed face and he forced me to walk ahead of him. I know it was only a minor thing but I just couldn't accept how I annoyed him during what should've been one of the happiest moments of his life. From that point on, I knew I had go the extra mile in making sure every moment that day went as special as possible for him and his wife. I hope I did my job.

Next came the traditional Chinese tea ceremony, and besides the usual family issues when it comes to hierarchy, I personally thought it went well without a hitch. My mother finally started crying after an entire day's worth of holding it in, and it's always great for both my brother and I to see her so happy. It was what would happen after the tea ceremony that had me nervous in waiting, namely the introductory dances when the wedding party comes out. As guests started pouring in for cocktails and as the parents and couple welcomed guests in through the Chinese wedding line, I was left scrambling and pacing and debating with myself how my partnered bridesmaid and I would leave our mark and make an impression on the dance floor together. I had barely even danced a day in my life, and hell, I'm still sadly embarrassed about how badly I did so during my high school prom (goddam memory spasms never seem to go away). The bridesmaid that I was paired up with soon decided that we could end off our introductory strut with the ever classic cowboy robot routine. I was more than fine with that, considering it looks so dumb by default and requires so little coordination that there was no possible way that I could screw it up, right? And in the end, I guess I did a good enough job, as my cousin claimed she was laughing so hard when I made my moves that she even dropped her camera. I kind of feel bad though that I got so caught up in the moment that I left my partner out to dry. Neither of us knew when to quit our dance moves and move on, so I think I kept going for a few seconds after she was done. Whoops, I didn't mean to leave her hanging there, but how could I possibly leave the dance floor without blowing out my guns and giving a nod to the crowd? It feels good to be a crowd pleaser now and again.

To be honest, everything between that moment and my speech is still quite a blur to me. My brother later called the night "surreal" because of how magical it felt and how happy he was the whole way through. I can sum up my entire night until my speech with one word, "nervous". I'm a horrible public speaker, and I feel bad for this, but I was concentrating more on my own speech in my head than I was listening to the parents or my sister and brother-in-law as the MCs in their speeches. When the big moment finally arrived for me, us groomsmen all stood up together and I quickly realized in my head that I had no clue how to silence or gain the attention of the crowd. So I did what I always do under awkward circumstances, I literally just acted awkward until people started laughing and cheering me on. When my co-best man gave me back the microphone and asked if I could share some words, I opened up with an adlib of, "Sure!", in such an awkward and unnatural way that the crowd actually burst into laughter. From that point on, I said my speech exactly as I rehearsed it. And I don't know why people actually laughed at any punch-lines in my speech, considering all I talked about was how my brother would literally beat me up with hockey pucks and real WWE wrestling, but it was definitely a good feeling that the entire crowd seemed to be listening to every word I had to say. Eventually it got to the sappy part of my speech, and maybe I really did get flustered or emotional or something, but I honestly can't believe that I fucking forgot my words. I paused in the middle of my speech and let out an eyeroll at myself in the form of a sigh. I eventually got back on track and because of the nervousness in my voice that had returned, everyone just assumed that I had gotten all choked up during my speech about my brother being married. It was perfect coincidental timing actually, that forgetting my lines actually helped my speech seem even more genuine and emotional because I had gotten lost exactly where the sappy stuff was set to start. Maybe they were just trying to be nice to me or something, but two of the bridesmaids actually claimed my speech made them cry. If true, wow...

The rest of the night, I simply got to enjoy. It was a great evening all around and I couldn't be happier for my brother and his wife. When it was finally time for their speeches, I was touched when my brother told me that he still looks up to me after all these years because I really know that he means it. And when it was time for my new sister to make her speech to my brother? In a completely surprising move (one that I was told of earlier in secret apparently, but that I had forgotten all about thanks to nervousness over my own speech), the bride actually took up a guitar (that she had only learned to play over the past few weeks) and actually sang a song and serenaded my brother in front of every single witness in that reception hall. It was beautiful, she played the guitar like a professional and her singing was absolutely endearing and adorable. It was completely touching and my brother started crying in front of everyone in the audience at how magical of a moment it really all was. With the standing ovation that followed, the bride and groom really did bring the house down. It was amazing.

And after that, it was just partying the rest of the night. Even I decided to get into the groove of things. My fellow groomsmen and I had decided that it would look bad if we weren't all out on the dance floor. I thought my dance duties had been finished with my badass cowboy robot, but what's one more encore to seal the night as perfect for my brother and his bride? So off to the dance floor I went and to be honest, while I won't admit this to anyone else, I had a pretty good time. I sweated up a storm and I feel a bit bad for stepping on my cousin's heel, but it was all in good fun and she had it coming anyways for taking so many damn photos of me doing the fist pump or whatever else in the heat of the moment. That night, all of my brother's friends also got so wasted at the open bar that it literally made the bachelor party look tame. My co-best man for instance, he was pretty much sober up until the point of our speech in front of the crowd. Yet the following morning at the breakfast brunch, he was so hung-over from taking twenty or more shots that he couldn't even raise his head from the breakfast platter. And as for myself, simply since I partially did give into peer pressure? I did have some wine and champagne as expected for my brother's wedding (just like I did at my sister's wedding), but I also gave my word that I would try at least one beer with my fellow groomsmen. It tasted like piss and I barely even got past the half way mark, but hey, it counts.

It was a great wedding and like I keep saying, I couldn't be more happy for my brother and my new sister. What actually meant the most to me personally though, is the talk I had with my brother afterwards when he mentioned that the whole night felt so surreal to him. He singled me out and admitted to me that he really was happy that I enjoyed myself, and that he really was proud how I made my speech in front of the entire audience the way I did, especially considering how nervous he knows I get before every single time I speak in public. It means a lot to me that he was so happy, it was the entire goal I had for everything I did that wedding day, from the morning games to the badass dances I gave. It means even more to me that he realizes how hard it was for myself at times to be the kind of brother and best man that he had hoped for on his wedding day. I'm normally an anal, pessimistic prick, but I did my best to have a good time, knowing full well that that was the best way to help him be happy on his wedding day. I'm a horrible liar and a horrible faker, so I knew that the only way to truly make my brother's day special, was to genuinely and honestly have fun myself. And in the end, I had a great time and I honestly felt proud and immensely thankful of everyone involved.

The next morning was the breakfast brunch where unfortunately life started to feel a lot more normal again. After that was the post-wedding BBQ that my parents scheduled with the two families and out of town guests. I was left running around our house cleaning up food and dishes, even though I guess it would've been fine to leave it all for later. I didn't have that much time to associate with guests, but maybe that was partially for the best considering I was on so little sleep that I didn't have a single thought in my head for a good conversation. My brother and the rest of the guests got to watch the filmed video of the morning games from the day before, and everyone expectedly laughed at me during the seaweed and push-up games. The BBQ in the end was a wildcard but I think it turned out well. Every family member got more food to eat than they could handle, and everyone got to give their congratulations to the happy bride and groom on a much more personal setting than the night before. I just wish I got more sleep before dropping my brother and new sister off at the airport, that's all...

And that pretty much leads us into today. They've been on their honeymoon for a week now and I'll be picking them up at the airport tomorrow afternoon. As for what's happened in the week gone by since the wedding day, my sister and brother-in-law have left for their new lives in Asia this past Thursday. I honestly felt sad saying goodbye to them that morning, as I may not see them again for a year or two if their new jobs really are as busy as they believe they will be. When my sister first left for China a couple months ago, I knew I'd see them for two whole weeks for this wedding ceremony at least. But now, I have no clue when's the next time I'll meet them again outside of Skype. And suddenly, when I was hugging her as huge of a goodbye as I could, I realized to myself that despite all of our differences and disagreememts, I really will miss her. To make matters even more lonely, my close cousin also left again for Queen's University in Kingston this weekend. I spent a lot of time with him this summer, including the wedding day after I gave my speech. Even though he didn't give me any sort of compliments, I knew he was actually impressed by my words because he didn't even make fun of how awkward I was up there. He may be my little cousin, but his opinion of me really does mean a lot in my eyes. Like my little brother, I know my cousin looks up to me, so I do my best to be a good example. I did help drag him onto that dance floor afterall, or so I claim...

With my sister and cousin both gone, and with my brother and his wife now starting a new life together, things will feel very different for me from here on out. Still busy, but definitely very different. The new university fall term starts for me on Tuesday, and I have four advanced accounting courses to trudge my way through, including an auditing one that apparently requires a group presentation and multiple group assignments. I don't know how the hell I'll find the time to get everything done when I've been working overtime at my job for the past month and a half or so straight. The project I'm working on now should finally settle down within a couple of weeks or so, but what will happen to me after then? My contract will be ending soon, so either I get released and laid off, or I'm given perhaps a new role and a new location and I'm forced to learn everything new again while trying to survive at school. WTF?

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

And between you and me? Visiting my sister in Chicago, watching movies with my friend in Charlotte, relaxing with the brisk air at Blue Mountain for the bachelor party, playing the morning games for the wedding, dancing the cowboy robot for shits and giggles, actually having a crowd laugh with me instead of at me during my wedding speech, and listening to the roaring standing ovation after my sister-in-law sang her song to my brother? It's been such an amazing past few months for my family and I. It's surreal to realize this summer will end...

I love my brother and I'm so thankful that he found the love of his life. After all that has happened, it's only now that I stop and wonder for the first time in a long while...

... when will it be my turn to be this happy?...