Y2kk Update: Well, obviously nothing has happened in my life the past two weeks, for better or worse at least...

Essentially, all I've really done is procrastinate from doing university homework, by applying to a bunch of computer technical jobs around the Greater Toronto area. Government jobs, mostly... with no word back from anyone, might I add...

I don't really have much to report... I did finally get my broadband internet from Bell Sympatico, although I really don't know whether we got screwed on the billing or not...

You see, I was impressed at the start. Bell sent us our 802.11b DSL router free of charge through XpressPost, which was pretty damn fast if you ask me... a little too fast, actually... considering to save money, we had asked the salesman to put our names down for January 17th, in order to get our modem as late as the end of January (the later, the better for us)... the only problem was, even after he nodded his head and wrote the right date down, we still got the modem on January 16th I think... since the lying son of a bitch probably couldn't wait to get his commission pay...

But oh well, AOL, right? So what if I get broadband a week or two earlier... A deal is still a deal right?... well, yes and no... You see, the asshole who sold us the ADSL internet, said that we were getting a special promotion only for our area, where we get a free month and six months at half price. He claimed that the rest of Canada was stuck with just three months at half price at best... of course, the next week I checked the papers, and lo and behold, our exact damn deal was being broadcasted to every single Canadian for broadband...

... lying son of a Janestown bitch...

Well, when we finally did get our Bell Sympatico router, I hooked it up and followed all the easy USB instructions and all, when... umm... well...

... the computer claimed that it was able to contact the server and give them all our financial information. Which technically means, we should start being billed around January 16th or something... but...

... umm... our internet didn't work...

... fuck, it didn't work for more than two damn weeks... and we better not get charged for that (although the guys over the phone assured me that we won't be... lying sons of bitches, I bet...)...

The reason why the DSL broadband didn't work at my house, was just so damn stupid in the end. And we have that fucking Janestown asshole of a bitch to blame for that... We had explicitly asked him to bill us on one phone line, and allow us to use DSL on the other (we have two phone lines in the house). And to be honest, I didn't think that would be a problem. And neither did he, since he just nodded and forked over a pen to sign...

The thing is, the damn Bell Sympatico servers refused to synchronize with our DSL router modem, since I was using it on my phone line... and their computers refused to let us use it on anything but the phone line that we were being billed on... Sure, I could just fix this with a lengthy phone call to Bell. But I just rolled my eyes in contempt at that fucking salesman who fucked us over with smiles, and merely changed over the phone line I was using with the switch downstairs (not like it matters afterall; the phone filters that Bell gave us seemed to prevent any static from seeping into my mother's phone line anyhew...)...

So now I have broadband... and yet still, I'm uploading all my webpage crap over dial-up...

... sigh... some things never change...

Well, before I go, I might as well complain that my friend (who ditched me in Economics for someone who literally hasn't done a damn thing for their project) kinda acted like an asshole again... I mean, sure it was mainly my fault this time around. We were having a MSN Messenger conversation, and I was purposely being my idiot self afterall. I was complaining about the Toronto Raptors, as always, and I purposely played devil's advocate by wanting our fucking GM to follow the Maple Leafs' "Win Now" Philosophy with trades (though not New York's "Lose Now with $100 million+ in salaries" philosophy... there is a difference...)...

My friend is one of those predictable guys, who jump on the bandwagon for teams like Detroit, Phoenix, and hell, even Chicago for now... that we should go through years and years of rebuilding the franchise (with completely tanked seasons, of course) until we finally and just suddenly one year, have a championship calibre team...

The thing is, I'm like the average Maple Leaf fan. We all want championships (hell, we're dying over here... 1967, afterall...), but we'd still watch every single game and attend every single home match-up with season tickets, if only we just had a NBA team damn exciting enough to win pretty much every regular season night... Hell, if the Leafs almost got buried by the fans in the 80s when they were losing so damn badly (and that was for Canadian hockey...), what the hell will happen to the Raptors if they keep losing each and every damn year like they have been? We're already eating our tickets... So I played devil's advocate over MSN the other week. He brought up how we should rebuild for the next two or three years, and thus the fucking Vince Carter trade wasn't so bad... and I played the asshole who challenged that conventional wisdom of his... although I think I played the role just a little too well...

Half way through our conversation, he just abruptly interrupted, "I gotta go", and then shut down MSN Messenger... Obviously, he was pissed off as hell that I wasn't budging on my opinion. And as for me? Well, I actually started laughing... I had no idea that he would take my comments so seriously. I mean, sure I'm goddam annoying when it comes to fucking complaining about fucking Toronto sports teams, but... s5ill... He actually stormed off of MSN because of me? I actually scared him off? WTF? That's never happened to me with anyone else before... I think...

Well, he apologized for his abrupt departure a few days later, and of course I apologized back, saying it was all my fault, which was true, but... Well, to be honest, I haven't talked to him that much actually, since that day happened. And to be honest? I don't know whether it's because I'm just bugging him less these days, or because he still feels a bit guilty... or because he hates his new Economics partner, but... I honestly think he's been nicer to me the past two weeks than he ever has, since at least when I embarrassed myself in front of his relatives... of course, that ain't saying much, but...

... yeah, nothing has really happened in my life, besides all that...

... hell... except for the mountains of homework that I'm still procrastinating from, I'm so damn bored...

... that I don't even have a punchline...

Y2kk Update: While I can't exactly say this past week has been the kiss of death for me... while it's not like anything truly awful happened in my life, to me or my family specifically at least... well...

... it's just that, it's not like things have been right, either...

... something's just not right...

...

I guess I got my first hint of it all, when I got my final AI mark back... I ended with a 57% in that course. Which means that I did neither good nor terribly bad on the exam... I went into that final with about a 58%, and came out with about the same. Which isn't so bad when you think of it in just those terms, but... This was supposed to be my bird course, you know? And I treated it that way, only to get piss poor assignment mark after piss poor assignment mark back... But even when I tried to turn things around after getting back my horrid midterm, my mark still plummeted to unseen, unsung levels. And as a result?... Well, I had a shot at getting a 70% term average in first term. But thanks to Artificial Intelligence, I'll be left with a 69.2%, unless my petition actually goes through...

On the friends front, things haven't been going so swell lately either... I mean, remember that friend that I told you two readers about? The one who owns a lotto booth, and definitely didn't look appreciative when I showed up there and embarrassed myself in front of his uncle?... well, the other day, he did use a bit of a stern tone at me. As a complete nerd, I always get riled up far too much in my own hobbies, in this case NBA Basketball. And since he's the biggest basketball fan I know, he did kind of seem annoyed at me, that I can swear so damn much about a fucking lost Raptors game than pretty much anyone else he's ever met before...

... of course, one little moment of sterness doesn't amount to much... but still, it's a symptom, of what I see to be a much larger problem...

You see, for my Engineering Economics course this term, we both needed a partner to do the first class project. And the thing was, after learning that all my other friends already had partners, I was sure that I could pair up with that lotto friend of mine, right? As far I knew, none of his other friends besides me were in the class. And we both needed partners, so I thought that was how it was going to go down...

The thing is, the day before I asked him if we could be project partners, another friend of mine revealed to me over MSN Messenger, that the lotto guy already found a person to work with... Assuming there must have been one of his friends in the class that I didn't know about, I went up to him the next day and asked who his partner was. And the thing was... umm...

... he, umm... picked some other guy, he barely knew... over me...

... and why?...

Well, I think it's pretty damn obvious why...

He picked one of the guys that I introduced him to last term. They barely ever talked to each other, but it's clearly obvious why my friend chose this other guy over me... Now, my friends have all been joking for the past week, that I sabotaged our Software Engineering Team (although I don't see how an 82% going into the final exam is sabotage...), and then finally did work my ass off once the final exams came around. Hence the reason why I had a better mark in the end than all my fellow group members ... but at the time, I really just assumed they were joking. Sure, every joke has a parcel of truth in it... but as friends? I was sure at the time, that they were just innocently ribbing at me...

... now, I'm not so sure...

I guess it does kind of hurt... My lotto friend chose the other guy, simply because I said that that other guy was "smart", when I introduced the both of them to each other a month ago...

Seriously, I feel like the last damn person picked in Dodgeball or something... a true game of exclusion and wonderful degredation...

... because simply put, I still have no partner... there is no spoon...

... I'm the fucking odd man out...

I guess it hurts a bit, to be betrayed behind my back in a sense... but it hurts even more, with me now believing to some extent, that I was a horrible group member, that I was a horrible partner last term... The last thing I ever wanted was to screw my group over. Sure, I may be a lazy ass at times, but I spent two whole weeks doing my damn hardest to integrate all the software modules into one... I don't care that I wasn't appreciated for my work. I just care that I'm kinda being blamed for it, and being punished really... by having to partner with some random guy for Economics, whenever I get back to class...

... I just hate knowing that I'm a horrible friend, that's all...

... there must be a reason, why my friend chose a somebody he barely even knew, over me...

... and the fact that he won't talk about it, definitely seems to prove my own worth to me...

...

It definitely has been a rather sordid, morbid week for me...

... and oh, did I mention that somebody committed suicide pretty much right in front of me last Wednesday?...

... yeah, guess that one's kinda important...

...

I was at Eatons Center at the time, the largest mall in downtown Toronto. I always walk through there on my way to the University of Toronto, simply because I'm too damn cheap to pay for subway tokens, even in the Canadian winters... And last Wednesday, I was simply walking down to Union Station on my way home, stopping by Eatons Center to get a little central heat in and all...

... now, whenever I tell this story to people I know, I always lie for some damn reason, and claim that I actually heard the guy jump down and thud on the floor right behind me... but that's not the truth...

The thing was, I did hear a couple of screams. But I just assumed those were the usual teen girls with their usual teen shopping antics...

I pretty much arrived on the scene just after it happened though... the security guards were just arriving as well, to what most certainly seemed like a dead body to me...

A man had seemingly jumped from the second floor of the mall near Sears, all the way down to where I was standing now... Now, maybe it wasn't an attempted suicide or anything. Maybe it was an accident, or maybe he was intentionally pushed? Afterall, it does feel pretty damn dumb, to try to kill yourself in front of tons of people, from just falling one and a half stories down... I mean, what if he failed?...

... but he certainly did look dead...

Now, I didn't see his face or anything. I saw him from behind, and got a little too close for my own comfort actually... My best view was of his legs and back. His back was arched against me... and it was disturbing actually, to see a man's legs look so broken, limp, and literally bent out of shape... I don't know how exactly he fell and landed. But either he broke both his legs in the process, or the man really was dead. Because from what I saw, his body looked as stone cold motionless as a corpse...

I got a good look at the rear of his neck as well... It definitely looked broken. But I've never seen a broken neck myself, so I wouldn't exactly know...

... so no, I never saw his face... if I did, maybe this scene would be haunting me more than it has?...

... because maybe television desensitized me or something... or maybe without the fact that there was no face, I can sense nothing, but... I just couldn't care very much that a man pretty much just killed himself exactly where I was standing at that point in time...

... then again, I'd be lying if I claimed the whole ordeal hasn't been bickering and pecking at the back of my mind...

I stared at the fallen man for about five, maybe ten seconds until emergency crews arrived, and the security guards pushed me away... Meanwhile, as I kept watching the scene from a distance, I noticed at least dozens of men and women just pass by the scene, barely even glancing to notice that a man had possibly just killed himself in the very place we were standing now... guess that's Toronto for you...

... eventually, I left... before that, I had tried to watch closely, to see whether the man truly killed himself or not... but a security guard recognized me from before, and told me to leave, to let the emergency crews do their job... I never saw a body bag arrive on the scene, but I never saw motion from the guy on the floor either...

... but the suicide itself wasn't what bothered me the most... and it wasn't just the general ignorance from everyone walking right past the guy either...

It's just that, besides the fact that I wish that I cared more about this fallen guy that I never knew, the one thing that bothered me the most... was that all the newspapers the morning after, had completely nothing to say about this whole event in the middle of a frickin' downtown mall...

I mean, you have to be shitting me, right?... A man kills himself in front of dozens of people, and lies cold on the floor for hundreds to see. And yet the newspapers have absolutely no columns or even a remote snippet anywhere within their pages?...

Yes, I know suicide happens all the time. And yes, despite my callousness (it's not like I was disturbed by the dead body... though I was affected nonetheless...), I do realize that the only reason I care about this one event, was because it was the first time I ever saw a dead body before me...

... or was he dead?...

... See? That's the one thing bugging the hell out of me... Out of all things to complain about, I think this is definitely the most petty. But I just can't stand the feeling of not knowing... or never being able to know, what the hell happened that day as I was just passing by...

... I just don't like being in the dark, that's all...

... and the next morning, when I walked through Eatons Center again on my way to school?... I walked right through the area that the man had died on, and it was like it had never happened at all. There wasn't a hint of blood, or a fabric of trauma... And the cellphone booth people, who had just sat at their booths and barely flinched even an eyebrow the day before, were just sitting in their booths again... acting as if nothing happened... or as if this kind of shit happened before their eyes all the time...

...

... so, yeah... between the piss poor final mark, betrayal from someone that I had hoped would become a good friend... and oh yes, the suicide right where I was standing... then yes, I'd assume that this past week definitely wasn't one for the good side of the record books... even by my morbid standards...

I hate the fact that I'm a horrible friend.

I hate the fact that I'm a horrible worker.

And I hate, absolutely hate the fact... that I will go on with my entire life perhaps, not knowing what really happened that day...

Did I really see what I really saw? Or am I just blowing it all out of proportions, just to tell a decent story to the few people out there, that might actually give a damn?...

... I wish I did give a damn... about the body I mean, and not just of myself as the center of the universe...

... because, yeah... I mean...

... I saw it...

... sometimes, I still see it...

... the body...

Y2kk Update: Well, this week has been rather... umm... weird...

... to say the least...

I mean, it was actually... good?

WTF?!

...

But it's true, oh it's true...

Have you ever had one of those weeks, where everything seems to go right?... and you know, you just know, that it was all just a front... a storm front... a calm before the storm, where everything once again just seems to go wrong?...

... yeah, I think I just had one of those weeks...

I mean, for starters, the Toronto Raptors have actually been... winning?

WTF?!

I mean, seriously... The Raptors, one of the worst teams in the entire NBA league, have just won three out of their last four games. Sure, they were all homestands, and sure we lost the battle of mediocrity against the Milwaukee Bucks, but... goddammit, we've actually been winning games, and winning them well?! Hell, we just massacred the Golden State Warriors, by almost 30 frickin' points!... Sure, the Warriors absolutely suck and have lost now five games straight, but still... Since when the fuck did the Raptors actually become decent? Since when have the Raptors actually been known to win?...

WTF?!

...

Now, I know I've mentioned this on my website before, but not recently I think...

My success in life seems directly tied to the sports games that I watch on TV...

Now, I think it's well documented on this one site alone, how damn often I actually will "bet" my success on a midterm or exam, on the sports game the night before I write... And nine times out of ten? If the Raptors or Toronto Maple Leafs lose a game, then I fail the damn exam. And if they both win? Then I just magically do well, against all odds, the exam day after... Now, I know that nine times out of ten, the Raptors and Leafs lose, since both teams quite suck. And nine times out of ten, I'll actually fail an exam, since quite frankly, I suck at my fucking university. So chances are, losses for Toronto teams quite line up coincidentally with my success (or lack thereof) in school... but still...

... I just knew as soon as the Toronto Raptors started winning about a week ago, that good things would start happening for me...

... but seriously, WTF?!

...

I got my final marks from first term in just the other day... Well, not all my marks - my horrible AI course (the bird course gone horribly wrong) still hasn't come in yet... but the rest of my marks have...

Yes, I'm still complaining about my 68% in Distributed Systems. While 68% isn't that bad of a score, no matter how low my rank in the class is, it just isn't the mark that I thought I deserved. My midterm seemed to be skewed piss poorly (I checked other people's exams, and it's amazing how subjective the prof's marking scheme must've been), and I'll never understand how I got a fucking 49% on the final... and dropped from a 79% in the course to the mark I have now... But hey, I've been crying about this for a long time, right? So I certainly wasn't surprised when I saw my 68% there on the final first term mark website...

As for my Databases, yes I'm still complaining that I dropped from a 70% in that easy damn course to a 62% after the final... Still, that was a long time ago, and I've had a whole week now, to adjust to the fact that I'm 10% below the class average in a course where even arts and science, computer illiterates seem to get A's... But on the website with my final marks, I got a tiny little bonus to my final score. I ended with a 63%, which is still pathetic, but at least made me feel a little more secure in my final total average for the term...

But here's where the real weird shit started happening...

I got my Multimedia Systems mark back finally... and?... I mean, yes I can be disappointed that I dropped from a 74% in the course, but... Considering I kinda lucked out on the midterm, by somehow getting a 60% (which was pathetic in its own right)? Then of course I'd be damn happy to see my final mark, and witness that I somehow kept a 71% in the course that had a hell of a lot of belling down... I went into the final exam with the worst mark in the class, with the class average being in the low-80s at least. And while the class average didn't drop that much (down to 79%), I was still amazed that I actually held onto my position, moving up in the class ranks and scoring myself sadly one of the few 70 percent marks I've had in a very long time... And for a final exam that I was a) completely sick during, and b) only studied two hours for, that's pretty damn sweet...

But not as sweet as my Software Engineering 1 mark was...

... now, I know that I normally know my stuff in programming... but c'mon already, right? I normally get butchered on programming exams, and I only studied less than two damn hours for this course. I fucking guessed on at least 30% of the exam questions, simply because I hadn't studied or learned those topics yet (I kinda don't go to class... or read the textbook, actually...)...

... but... umm...

WTF?!

I got an 87% in the course?!

I got a fucking 90%+ on the final exam?!

Seriously, how the fuck did that happen?!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

...

Now, maybe 87% doesn't seem like much to some students out there, but it's literally the best mark that I've ever had in university, period... And what's even more stunning, is that I pretty much beat everyone else that I know in the course...

I went into the final with an 82%, approximately. Which may sound good, but not compared to the class average of 85%... But I walked out of that exam somehow with a 87% in the course, when the class average somehow dropped down to 80%...

Seriously, WTF?!

I beat all my friends in the course. Seriously! For once, I actually beat pretty much everyone else I know... and it was great, actually. My smugness factor for the day, of course... My friends - they were the ones who started it though. My smugness, I mean... My friends just kept laughing all day long at their misfortune...

I mean, being beaten by IvanF of all students? WHAT THE FUCK?!...

They had forced me to log onto ROSI (the U of T transcript website) that morning, hoping to see that I scored less than an 75% in the course, to make them feel better about their dropped marks... And then the reactions on their faces were simply priceless, when they saw one of the highest damn marks in the entire class, with my damn name beside it!

WHAT THE FUCK?!

I was floored... literally... I fell onto the floor balling in laughter...

This has never happened to me before... seriously... Actually doing better than people I know, I mean...

And I seriously don't know what happened. As my friends were all literally hanging their heads in shame, at being beaten by the lowly IvanF for once, they all joked that the marks must've been all random numbers drawn from a lottery or something... because people who had 90s going into the final came out with 70s. And for once? I was the one who brought the class average up...

WTF?!

Un-fucking believable...

... what a weird week it's been...

...

The weirdness factor didn't stop there though... Besides a lot of weird, random good things that happened to me this week, our new TV finally came from Future Shop (I may still hate the store, but my dad loves it...)...

My dad went Boxing Day psychotically shopping the other week, and we ended up ordering a $3000 CDN Samsung 50" Widescreen DLP Projection TV (with HDMI, DVI, and VGA inputs... nice)... It finally was delivered to our house yesterday, although the stand we bought was out of stock, and wouldn't arrive for another week (not that it mattered, since our existing TV stands would be good enough for a while)...

The thing is, to "apologize" for the stand not being available, the two movers that were shipped to us, decided to play nice... and moved all our old TVs to their new spots for free...

... for free?

WTF?!...

And I'm not talking about small TVs either...

First, they moved the 50" Samsung into our family room. Then, they moved the 43" Fullscreen Toshiba Projection TV down to the basement... Now, those TVs weren't hard to move, considering Projection Screens are light enough for two people to easily handle. But it was a nice token gesture of theirs anyways...

But then the big whopper came along. Even though we never paid for it, the two men elected to move our 36" Toshiba CRT TV (which is heavy as hell... I can barely budge it with my father's help, no less)... from the fucking basement, all the way to the second floor in my parents' bedroom...

... for free?

FOR FREE?!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

...

And not nearly two hours after all that free shit happened, we got a knock at our door, from an actually decent and polite guy selling Bell High Speed Sympatico in our area...

The thing is, we've never had DSL in our area of the town. And yes, that's why I've been broadband impaired all these years. An ADSL server has somehow never been set up here... until now... and even after checking the Bell HSE website montly, I didn't even know they put a brand spanking new server up last week...

So this salesman guy, who was a student from Waterloo (and one who actually talked to me like I knew stuff, unlike most obnoxious sellers), came to our house with an offer, for our area of the town alone... We'd get free DSL internet for the first month, with the modem and all other equipment shipped to our house free of charge. And after the first month, we would still get high speed internet for $25 CDN a month (regular price for us would be $45), up to six more months, until we would finally bundle our internet with our existing satellite services for a different discount...

While obviously, this deal doesn't sound so hot to most broadband users out there (hell, in Toronto just two cities away, I know of at least a couple ADSL companies that sell broadband for only $15 CDN a month, flat rate), it still sure as hell sounded like gold to me...

I mean... for once... I'm fucking getting broadband?

I can finally surf with fucking pictures on?

I can finally download porn?

I can finally make a decent website?

... no, wait... scratch and sniff that last one off, but still...

Seriously, WTF?

I'm fucking free! Free, I tell you! FREE!

And all at a pretty huge discount?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?

... what a fucking weird week...

...

So, to recap... The Toronto Raptors have been winning (putting on clinics, actually...). I fucking got the highest mark that I've ever had in university (plus, the highest term average too... as long as AI doesn't go sour on me...)... I got two nice Future Shop movers to do all the TV slave work for me, for free. We got a bloody hell nice HDTV in our family room now (if only I had Xbox Component Cables to run it with...). And starting from the end of January, I'm finally getting broadband internet that doesn't have bandwidth cap limits, with everything shipped to me free of charge, and all for a fucking huge discount?...

Let me just say this one more time...

WHAT - THE - FUCK - ?!

... heh... yeah...

... a week where everything seemed to go right...

... a week where... things were actually going.... good?

Seriously, WTF?...

... because I know, I just know, that something is going to go wrong soon... and all hell will break lose...

... and ay, there lies the rub...

... for fate has never, ever given me a free ride... never...

... so the question is, when will the bitch be back?...

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... and you know what? For the past week, it actually has been...

... and that's weird... very weird...

... a very weird week, indeed...

Y2kk Update: Alas, another New Year... and another New Year's Eve down the drain...

... guess it's my fault... it's always my fault...

I mean, as people get older, they look less and less forward to their birthdays, right?... especially women... oh dead God, are women ever pains around their birthdays... can't wait 'till 13 going on 30...

... it sucks always being the backup guy, "break in case of emergency", and never the bride... but I digress...

Because for the most part, at least on the outside, university students seem to love New Year's Eve. And why?... well, because you don't deal with family like the ever dreaded Christmas. And because most students tend to get drunk and most likely laid... I think those are the reasons why they like this one night of the holidays so damn much, When Harry Met Sally style, but I've never bothered to care enough to exactly figure out more...

The thing is, I've never gotten drunk, I've never gotten laid... and to be honest? I've never gone out for New Year's Eve. I'm just not that kind of person... I prefer staying in with the family, but the last thing on earth that I would ever want, is to see a bunch of belching asshole guys and girls, all binge drinking and feeling each other up when I have absolutely nothing or nobody better to do...

... but the thing is, as the years go by, as much as I still hate and irrationally spite New Year's Eve from a social standpoint... well?... it's just that, the older I get, the more I deep down inside wish that I could be like those people... I'm the ever classic, clinical repressed nerd afterall...

Now, I wasn't really invited. But technically yesterday, a friend of mine did invite me as his guest to his friend's New Year's Eve bash for the night... I wasn't interested of course. I don't need a pity party, or a party actually - considering truth be told? I really do hate society... or at least, people when they're showing off, having a damn good time...

... yes, people suck...

... and yet? After giving up that opportunity, all I could think about... was if I could've got lucky enough to get some drunk girl to suck my tiny dick?...

... bah... hedonism...

... and maybe lesbianism...

... the Lebron James temptations...

... God, that commercial sucked...

The thing is, every single year, like most people on the face of the planet, I have my own deep down, inner resolutions... I always want a girlfriend. I always want to succeed in school and the workforce. And I always want to make my family proud... all the generic resolutions of course, minus the god-awful diets people always go on...

But life never changes for me. It's always a constant, half because that's the way I like it, and half because that's just who I am... I wouldn't be able to stand myself if I put on a facade and actually tried to blend in with all the morons who somehow think they're funnier when they're drunk...

... then again, there's also a "true" part of me, that wishes I didn't feel that way about those people... So which side is really true in the end?...

... both, I guess...

... which sucks...

... and, well...

What sucks even more, is that my university schooling starts up again this coming Monday. So that pretty much makes the Christmas of 2004, into the shortest damn holiday I've probably ever had in my life... or at least, it definitely feels that way...

I hate university... I don't think the pressure is getting to me. Just the tedious boredom... and just like the cliche, I guess it's the big schools that get repressed guys like me to overbinge on drinking...

... except that I haven't ever gotten drunk...

... but sometimes? I don't know...

... sometimes I wish I had been drunk, just so that I can say that I have been...

... along with every other person on the face of the planet, who not-so-subtlely brags about it every New Year's Eve...

... but until the day I finally do cave into my temptations, then like I said on my Tweakui site, let me just wish both you two readers out there...

... a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... and good luck, in 2005...