Y2kk Update: Happy Canada Day, eh?...

Well, maybe not so much for me.

Obviously, it was getting suspicious why I hadn't gotten a call from fucking Rogers after my friend told me they were hiring a U of T young graduate. I was hoping it would be me, but when the phone never rang, I just knew that somehow my references had fucked me over in the long haul of a process...

I do believe my friends at my former work place when they say that they covered for me and all that shit when the manager's call rang. I'm just starting to believe that my former manager sold me out and perhaps only told the truth to them, or even worse, made me sound unimportant as hell (since in his aging mind, all programmers essentially aren't real workers). Of course, my own lies probably did me in as well, as there's only so much exaggerating and goddam fibbing you can do in an interview before you get caught for having you hand in the fucking cookie jar...

I called the Rogers manager the other day to solemnly ask if she's made her decision yet. And yeah, the thing was, she was as curt and pissed off at me as ever, possibly even moreso this time around if she had conclusively figured out I was bullshitting her in the interview. She barely spoke a word to me, and she wouldn't even tell me why I wasn't selected for the job when asked. In a matter of seconds, she told me she "knows who I am", angrily revealed to me that I was not the candidate of choosing, and then basically hung up the phone...

... sigh... guess she hasn't changed much from the interview then, I gather...

I called my friend up later that day, and he confirmed for me that he just learned that some graduate "bitch" was hired in my stead. Which means to me that unless quotas were involved or this girl was really damn honest and innocent in the interview, that I was simply passed over for goddam politics in the end. Not like that's any real surprise to me, but still....

Like I said, this Rogers manager was only a fill-in for the other manager who was now on maternity leave, and obviously every ambitious contract worker wants to pad their resume with promotions or at least good contacts wherever she goes. She probably made the "safe" pick of this 2006 Rogers Draft, selecting a girl she thought would be hard working and stay with the company branch for a long time to make her look good whenever she's forced to leave. Of course, I could be wrong as perhaps this new graduate bitch really was the BWA (best worker available), but my gut feeling just tells me that the bitch of a manager just wanted to make sure she didn't fuck up her chance to move up somewhere in the company when the time comes. It's not like she really loses anything at least in the short run if her new hiree ain't talented one damn bit whatsoever, afterall...

So as for me, on my Canada Day? I'm not really doing anything, except getting yelled and screamed out by an angry uncle at a goddam party (not worth discussing really, since I just laughed it all off at how ridiculous it all was). I watched the World Cup, got bored, fell asleep in the sunlight, probably aggravated my sun burns even more, and then watched some more loser World Cup...

... and then watched a commercial for Tim Hortons...

Yay?...

And yeah, that about it. That was about my Canada Day...

Sure, I was hoping for a long time that I could be cherishing this moment with a full time job in a company that I actually wanted to work for. But apparently, all good things must come to an end...

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

Well, Canada Day always is...

Y2kk Update: Not another day...

... not another fucking day...

Die another day? It seems so, as I feel like I'm wilting away with every fucking morning of the goddam week...

All things considered, I really don't think I can stand my current workplace anymore. Not for another single fucking day...

Because you know what the problem is that I have with all my coworkers?

It's that they're "cool".

They're too cool...

Today, one of the gals who sits near me kept chatting away on her phone with her girlfriends, constantly calling them "Ya, Girl!" in the most annoying tone possible. I felt like bleeding to death my ears at her verbal abuse of the goddam dictionary...

Now, is there really anything wrong with that? No. Not at all.

Except I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

The "cool" population of the world fucking drives me mad...

My current workplace is the kind of environment where there's a fucking pool table and free bagels in the kitchen every day. It's the kind of place where there's a touch screen projector and an Xbox 360 in the sofa room for whoever wants to unwind or even test out their latest software build. It's the kind of place where free breakfast muffins and chocolate cake are common place, and everyone puts on fake smiles that actually look genuine for the most part...

God, I can't stand this shit...

At my old workplace, everyone was either a quiet nerd or an old fart. I couldn't stand most of the old farts, but at least they were tolerable because they stayed the fuck away from me. I obviously hate people, don't you know...

Ya think?...

But here, at my current workplace? While the programmers themselves aren't bad (except for being condescending, but that's to be expected and almost admired), the arts and science people working on the 3D concepts for the software applications are fucking driving me batshit insane. They just don't belong in my world, as avoiding "cool" people like them was the very reason I chose to suffer through four or five goddam years of meaningless computer engineering shit at my university in the first place...

And yet now I'm right smack dab back in the thick of things and square one? What gives?...

Honestly, who throws a shoe? Honestly?...

The thing is, I don't think I can stand working there for much longer. It's not like I'd quit if I don't have another position elsewhere, but there's no fucking way in hell I'd ever think about making my career there in the long term future. It's a small dotcom company, and sure I may bite my own words if they ever become as big and legendary as the software companies they're trying to tackle right now (which I can't name for you now...). But right now, to be honest, I just don't see any future there for myself. It's just not my kind of work environment, and it's just not my cup of tea in terms of software development either...

Let's face facts. I'm a boring guy. I predetermine my set of shirts and pants for each day of the week, every week of the year. Every Monday is the same pair, every Tuesday is the next pair...

But sometimes I try to be really spontaneous, and mix up what I wear on Wednesday and Thursday. Kickass...

Yes, I'm Mr. Excitement.

And Mr. Excitement here wants a completely anonymous cubicle job...

My friend called me earlier this week to tell me that his manager was gonna hire a "young computer engineer" from our university to join him. Naturally, he assumed it would be me and immediately called to tell me the good news. My only job then was to wait patiently by the phone to be called to the company's last interview screening process, and then I could fucking finally give my two weeks notice to those fucktards at my current workplace...

The thing is though, the phone call never came. The goddam phone never rang.

What the fuck?!?...

Well, I can only hope that maybe his workplace is just really slow at the hiring process. I had my interview at his building about two weeks ago, and it's been more than a week now since the last interviews ended for the QA position. I thought I'd at least get a call by now, as the only damn HR group that I thought worked this damn slowly was the damn government I worked at before. But if my friend is indeed correct and I did get the job offer, then I'll definitely owe him the fucking world for getting me into a world-class company like his...

The thing is, isn't it possible though that his manager will hire a different "young computer engineer" from our University of Toronto? I'm not the only one out there from our school who applied for this position I'm sure. And doesn't it make more logical sense that she would only announce this shit to him if the person had already accepted the offer? Why make it known who she is going to hire, if that person will just turn her ass flat down for a better position elsewhere? Before telling all this to him, wouldn't she have at least first made the phone call to the lucky son of a bitch? WTF?...

So is it possible that my friend is simply giving me false hope? I don't know...

All I do know, is that I'll finally get my answer next week. If I don't get a phone call by Tuesday, I'm calling the manager myself to figure all this shit out once and for all...

Because seriously, I can't fucking take another day's worth of absolute garbage shit at my current workplace...

I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

It's my goddam nerd man's kryptonite.

It's just too damn "cool" for me, you know?...

And that's not cool.

Dat's. Not. Cool.

Ya, Girl.

Y2kk Update: God, I hate my work...

I've only been working at my current place for three fucking weeks, and already I loathe it more than I ever despised my previous job before...

And why is that?...

Now, it's not that I hate all the people I work with...

... no, wait... that's it...

I hate all the people I work with.

It's simply not a work environment that I give a damn about. It's a small dotcom firm where the head honchos all try to act "cool" and "fun", by constantly telling you that your work is "cool" and ask if you're still having "fun" on the job. They try to make work enjoyable by always treating it more as a game than anything serious. Problem is, I don't have the kind of personality to tolerate these kinds of fake business personas, especially considering I find it unnerving that they already fired one of the other summer students with a smile. I'm a straight shooter, and I prefer being beaten to a pulp with an ugly stick rather than deal with fake political, bullshit smirks and grins all over the place...

Does that sound sane? And yet this is only three fucking weeks into my current fucking job... my God...

There may be hope for me though. Although I do admit, my last window of opportunity for getting the hell out of my current place may be softly but ever so assuredly dwindling...

I had an interview with Rogers Communications the other week. You know, that huge telecommunications firm that practically owns half of Canada and is branching off to the rest of the world. They do cellphones and phonelines and broadband internet and shit like that. They're a huge company where they treat their employees like dirt, which is exactly what I want. It all reminds me of good ol' times...

I got this interview through a friend who works at Rogers. His team lost a new recruit to a better contract at a different company, and thus there was a mad dash of a rush to find a replacement. My friend was asked by his manager at the time if there were any other young, recent graduates like him out there looking for a full time job. He put my name and resume in, and before I knew it, I had finally gotten a chance at a real company with a real job...

Well, maybe not a "real" job, considering it's only a $40K QA position (which counts as the absolute dirt of programming and development). But just having the Rogers name underneath my belt would go a long way, and there was no fucking way I would want to screw over an opportunity like that...

The thing is though, as soon as I got to my interview? I learned that my friend's original manager, the one who had a goal of hiring a new, young recruit fresh out of university (despite my complete lack of QA formal experience)? Yeah, well, she had to leave the company temporarily, and got replaced by a much colder, harsh woman on contract. A woman who obviously was very bright and very calculating as well, who made it abundantly clear to me the moment our interview started that she was not in the mood to hire some punk new graduate right out of university...

She started the interview by looking at the little yellow post-it note on my resume. Apparently, the old manager had pasted that on, telling this new manager to make sure to interview me and not just completely gloss me over. And you know what my interviewer then and there said to me because of this, almost as if to spite her predecessor?...

"I don't understand this. I don't understand why you got an interview. You don't deserve it."

... umm, right...

That can't be good for business.

That can't be good for anything.

Can it?...

... Kenny Rogers Fried Chicken it is then...

The next thing she muttered in the interview was just as unpleasant. She looked at her printed list of questions to ask to all people she would interview, and quickly quipped and sighed and stated, that because I had no formal QA experience or training whatsoever? That she couldn't ask most of the questions on her sheet, and that this would be a meaningless interview...

WTF?...

Well, she simply shrugged her shoulders after checking her watch, and then finally decided to ask me questions based on my personality. Now, I don't remember exactly what I said anymore, but I remember being goddam fucking pissed at the bitch for trying to put me on the spot. I was not amused that this woman would completely disrespect what her previous manager had told her to do, and I was definitely not pleased that she was basically scoffing me off as just another worthless employee (even if half the time, that is the truth...)...

She obviously wanted somebody older and more experienced, someone trustworthy to help her perhaps secure a better position at Rogers. She was on contract, and I knew right away that she really didn't give a damn about the long term ramifications of her selection of a situation, but only about hiring an employee that can make her look good real quick and real fast in the short run...

Now, in that other interview weeks ago I had for that goddam summer job that I'm now cursed with five days a week? I didn't give a single fucking shit about the whole damn thing, so I basically just reclined back in my chair and admitted that I would suck at the job. They liked my humility and honesty, but the sad thing was, I simply being as bluntly honest as possible. I was shocked that they hired me when I didn't even practice once for the interview whatsoever, and now obviously I'm paying the price for being so lax and so damn free in my fucking interview with the "fun" company. It's just not a good fit...

I was quite completely the opposite in my Rogers interview to tell you the truth, and I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad. Instead of being honest, I just stared deep into that cold bitch's eyes who was interviewing me, and actually brought forth a hard-ass demeanor that I had never really experienced before. Basically, she was challenging my competency in one of the rudest ways possible, so since I basically had nothing to lose, why not stand up for myself? First, I sat up straight, and then I pulled no punches in all the bullshit and lies I gave to her goddam piercing, personality questions...

I can distinctly remember two things that I blatantly lied to her face, all with what I assume was a perfectly straight face. She wanted to know how dedicated I was to my work and if I would be willing to work overtime and weekends for weeks straight if need be. Of course I said I would, but I also tried to back up my claim by saying that I had already done so at times at my old government job. She also demanded to know about how much of an influence I've had on fellow workers, and I clearly stated to her that not only am I thankful for being mentored by my fellow colleagues, but that I often aided and mentored them at times as well after earning their respect...

The truth was, I worked overtime on some nights at my old job, but I never worked on the weekend. I'm too fucking lazy to ever pull off shit like that without compensation. And while I did technically "mentor" some other programmers across the province over the phone whenever they called with a .NET programming question, I was still always the junior employee at the fucking place. And yet I made it sound in the interview as if I had rose sharply up the ranks of my division until I was practically in charge. Whatever.

That wasn't what got me into heat and trouble in the interview though. The problem was, this fucking manager bitch was actually quite bright, pulled no punches, and of course intuitively knew what the fuck was really going on...

You see, I am a developer. I studied four and half fucking years of C and Java programming at university and spent the last (and only) year of my career on pure C# and .NET development. And like I said, a QA job is literally the dirt of the programming world, so why the fuck would a long time developer like me ever willingly put my name in the resume box? Obviously, anyone with half a wit can tell that I would only use Rogers as a means to either move up to a development job within the company, or use the Rogers name to get a better position at another fucking company. But it's not like I'd ever admit to that shit in an interview...

The problem was, she admitted that shit for me. She noticed on my resume that I left my government job in late March. She asked why, and I said that at the end of my contract, I wanted to leave for a faster paced work environment where what I do would be actually "relevant" to the real world. I then went into my umpteenth bullshit spiel about how Rogers makes an impact in so many people's lives as one of the largest and fastest growing telecommunications firms in the world. I think I even started believing my own bullshit and lies eventually, as I said it all with the most locked of eyes and the straightest of faces.

Hell, I think I even impressed her with how stoic my facial expressions seemed to be...

But she had her own pride to spare, just like I did when I rose up to meet her challenge. She asked me about availability, and in a move that some might disagree with? I admitted to her that I would have to give two weeks notice to the summer position that I currently was working at...

For the past half hour of the interview, she had feverously been searching for any excuse and any chink in the armour to kick me to the curb. I mean, after I had impressed her with so many of my personality questions, she had even gone back to her sheet that I didn't "deserve" to be asked questions from, and I answered all the shit she threw at me with the most perfect of bullshit answers. I had no clue what the fuck I was saying, but I said it all in a way that she seemed to nod and think I gave an excellent answer to. And now that she was desperate for any reason to keep me unemployed and out of her office, she finally saw a window of opportunity of her own to lunge at me with...

She attacked me, demanding to know why I didn't put this summer job on the resume she had in hand. I cautiously admitted that I had just started the job in May (I didn't tell her May 31st, since then she'd know I had only been working at my place at the time for one damn week), and I make sure to explain to her that it was just a three month summer position. I made a clear and present statement then and there that I was looking for a full time job in a company where my skills and accomplishments would make an impact in the world, and blah blah blah. But this time, she didn't take the bait...

That's when she sat back, almost with a smile on her face as if she had just found her fucking excuse to dismiss me, and slowly grinned like a Christmas Grinch before she grimmaced and spat out...

... ahem...

"This news concerns me"...

... umm, right?...

She started blaming me for wanting to only use Rogers to pad my resume. She painted me as the type of corporate whore who moves from one job to another in just a few months, as my claim that I had left the government on my own terms seemed to now be fucking backfiring on me. I mean, I know that what she was saying was essentially the truth, that obviously a developer like me would not want to stay in a fucking god-awful QA job for a long time. But the problem was, thanks to all my "perfect" bullshit answers, I sounded more like an asshole who cares nothing for the company but rather just my career, instead of the loyal stand at home dog I really am and was with the government...

She called me on my bullshit and basically sent me on my way. It was an hour long interview, with the first half hour being dedicated to actual personality and technical questions, and the latter half consisting of just her berating and drilling of me over my true commitment to the firm and this QA job. She knew that I didn't really give a damn about the position, but rather only wanted to use it as a gateway to better things. Of course I denied all her claims, backing it up with more bullshit about how it's the work environment that I love about Rogers and blah blah blah. But she wasn't buying it, and I could tell on my way out...

Still, while she was walking me out of the front door, I got the distinct impression that she was clearly somewhat impressed with how I stood up to her scrutiny. I don't think she expected me to keel over into the fetus position in defence or any shit like that, but I think she was surprised and even pleased that I stood up to every single one of her challenges with a raised chin and a straight face, looking dead centre in her eyes. She may have known the truth how obviously I would only spend a few months at most in this QA position before trying to leave her new division and move onto something better,, but at least I had earned her respect by somehow managing to either answer or sidestep every single one of her fucking swerves. Hell, I think I even impressed myself with the sheer audacity and authenticity of all my bullshit...

It was completely the opposite of how I handled my interviews with both the government beforehand and this small dotcom company a few weeks back. In those, I was honest as hell, admitting to the managers in both those sessions that while I may not be up to the task in terms of either knowledge or experience, that I was a fast learner and that I would work hard at the job. Well, the former was true enough at least...

Either way, I got the job in the end for both of those interviews. Two for the money, two for the show...

Sure, I got fired from the first job the very day I accepted it. And sure, I fucking hate my current job with the absolute most venomous of passions...

But still, for the past week? Well, I've just been wondering whether turning into a fucking corporate con-man in my interview with Rogers was really the right decision or not. This manger who interviewed me was a shark, and while I'm inclined to believe she would have gnawed and gnashed and roasted me alive had I been completely honest with her, I've been worried about the fact that I just didn't seem genuine enough when we last spoke. I felt like a politician, really...

But now it seems, regardless of her concerns and my own? In terms of winning interviews at least?

... well, I'm now officially 3 for 3...

Have I gotten the Rogers job yet? No.

Will I get the Rogers job? Knowing what I now know, probably not...

But my lingering friends at my old workplace e-mailed me this past week, telling me that the manager who interviewed me had called them and checked up on them as my references. She was obviously dead serious about me, as I must have made an impact and a real impression on her. So much to the point, where she was even a real bitch to all my former coworkers that she contacted...

Seriously, she called them to call me out on everything. According to my former colleagues, she asked the about every single fucking thing she wrote about me during the interview, including my bullshit lies about working weekends and being a mentor to employees on the job. Fuck, it was like she was interviewing my friends themselves rather than just me, as she seemed once again determined to make sure that she could find any excuse to dismiss me from the fold for a candidate better suited for her own corporate ladder needs.

While I know that my programming coworkers at my old place tried their best to back me up, I'm always worried when stories don't match or don't check out. And the thing is, my former HR manager obviously doesn't really give a damn about me, so I'm certain that he probably wouldn't have backed up any of my lies. Nor any of my interview embellishments really, which were simply too damn numerous for me to even remember and mention fully in this goddam download update of mine...

It's now been a week since the manager checked my references, and you'd think I would've gotten a call by now if I had gotten the job. I suppose that while I did make an impression on her, it just wasn't enough to solidify in her mind the risk she would be taking in hiring a graduating guy like me...

Well, assume that she does pick me. What if within just a few months, I try leaving this QA job and her division? Not only does it make her look completely incompetent by hiring an employee with no loyalty, but it just gives the company more reason to kick her to the curb to get back the old manager once she's ready to return. This interviewer of mine was only interested in a stable worker who could make her look good on the job, or at least somebody brilliant at the position with prior experience and an immediate impact. As a young Yonge upstart graduate, I certainly didn't fit the bill for her, and she worked her ass off both in the interview and in checking my references to prove to herself and everyone else that I was indeed the wrong fit and the wrong choice...

... and for all I know, she's right...

I can't say she was wrong afterall. I was bullshitting the whole way through, and she could fucking tell...

She's a smart and intuitive woman, I'll give her that. Then again, it's only logical to assume that anyone as young as I wouldn't want to stay in one place for long. I just wish I had at least given her a better impression, that I was willing to work at the QA job for at least a year or two before moving on or some shit like that...

The last thing she wants as the new manager on the job at a huge company is to hire a young employee who knows nothing about handling the position, requires immediate training, and probably won't be a factor in the division's short nor real long term plans. I understand she was looking out after herself, and for all I know, she did find a better candidate than I in the week of interviews that followed my own. I just wish politics didn't play such a fucking huge factor in the decision making process, that's all...

Then again, I never would've gotten the fucking interview in the first place if it wasn't for my connections. So, yeah...

"I don't understand this. I don't understand why you got an interview. You don't deserve it."

... umm, right...

That can't be good for business.

That can't be good for anything.

Whatever...

... I prefer Popeyes, anyhew...

I just pray that I get my answer real soon. Hell, I might have to call in at the end of this week just to know whether I've been hired, fired or fucked over in some other way or not...

Because it all just sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

But oh God, don't ever remind me of "fun" again...

... especially when I have to wake up for goddam work tomorrow...

Y2kk Update: It's too boiling hot today (yes, even here in Canada) to write in my non-air-conditioned house for long. So let me just get to the nitty gritty thick of things...

Yesterday was my University of Toronto Graduation Ceremony at Convocation Hall.

For so many years of my life, ever since I was a little child, I've been dreaming of this day. Even in high school, I was praying that it would be some sort of huge milestone for me, a fucking hallmark that I will always fondly look back at with pride and joy...

But it wasn't.

It wasn't.

Fuck.

Quarter-life crisis, here I come?...

Because now that I finally have that University of Toronto, Computer Engineering piece of paper shit degree next to me as I type this shit, I really find that I don't give a damn about anything I really did in the past four or five years of education. That's probably because I was utter shit at school, not even going to any classes outside of my first ones in first year and my last ones in bloody hell fourth year. I wasted how much of my parents' cash and my own time on just a pimply little piece of paper, when I really have no jobs or goals or inspirations in life still to justify the goddam investment of income?...

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what I achieved to some extent. Ask me if I would feel nearly as confident in myself if I had gone for some shit business degree at Brock or Trent or Lakehead University (where?), and then you'd be damn right in claiming that I am proud of graduating from U of T (probably the hardest engineering campus in Canada, and one of the hardest in the world). But for me? Finishing my childhood dream of completing my father's own fucking childhood dream, has become just status quo for me. It leaves me at least somewhat content, but not fulfilled. Never fulfilled...

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...

Quarter-life chicken crisis, indeed...

... Swiss Chalet kicks ass, by the way. But that's besides the point...

There's just not really anything about my graduation ceremony that I will remember even a week later, considering I slept through most of it like I did through all my university classes. Hell, I'm still kicking myself and wondering why the fuck I chose to skip all the lectures I spent $7000+ a year on, yet didn't skip the goddam most boring ceremony that I knew I would ever have in my goddam life?...

Mercifully, the ceremony was kept mostly short, about an hour and a half long since we were given the short end of the stick with a 10 am gathering. There would be another ceremony for another group at 1:00 pm, so we had to be kicked out of there as soon as possible. And thank God the honourary degree shit thing was postponed until that latter gathering, otherwise my class could've been stuck in that goddam convocation hall for God knows how much longer...

To be honest? Maybe that is the one thing I will remember about my graduation. I still remember the first day I saw the actual U of T campus up close and personal, while I was on a tour as a high school student, deciding which university I would choose in the end. I remember being brought into convocation hall and thinking it was one of the most lavish, largest, grand buildings I have ever seen in my life. The history and sheer majesty of the place was simply astounding and overwhelming to me, as I had never seen a fucking lecture hall that could fit hundreds of students at once before...

Flash forward to yesterday. Even though the last time and the only time I had ever been in convocation before was that one tour when I was still a high school student, I was stunned to walk into convocation yesterday for just the second and perhaps very last time in my life, only to see how fucking tiny the whole bullshit place really was.  It was minuscule, completely contrary to my memory, as the 300-500 seats in the place looked more like a rundown, downtown theatre than anything else. And the only real history I saw in the place, was rusted paint and goddam bugs flying around the boiling hot room. WTF?...

And besides that? Probably the only thing I will remember from my graduation was the lunch after. Well, not the lunch itself since that was pure and utter stale hamburger shit, but rather all the beauty I saw around the Hart House BBQ fold.

There was this fucking smokin' hot brown girl, with a face that looked like she was ready to suck you dry. She still looked innocent too, wearing just a simple T-shirt and comfortable pants, but arching her back and caressing her neck and hair in a way that just screamed that she was ready to have you make her scream. And of course, the concentration of sweet Chinese FOB pussy was everywhere in the downtown core as well, as usual. It just strikes me as wrong though, that the fucking cutest of them all was the girlfriend of one my graduation friends there...

It also strikes me as wrong that that cutest girl also looked like she was goddam 12 to me. But all we yellow Asians seem to be natural pedophiles, so why the fuck should I give a shit? Just ask Japan...

So yeah, that was my graduation day. Horny and lonely and hot as hell, alas...

... well, there was this whole stalking thing with a girl from my past as well, but that's a story for another day...

Short story short, on this boiling Canadian day (35C, I think...), I'm not writing this download update of mine because I want to remember my graduation ceremony by reading this update in the future...

I'm writing about this shit because I won't remember my graduation ceremony even three fucking months in the future, and I need some sort of reference to remind me that it even happened in my goddam life...

Am I at the stage of a quarter-life crisis? I don't think so, considering I still get entertained by such brainless shit as video games and Nacho Libre...

But now that I may never ever return to the life of a student in school?...

Yeah, I'm now sort of missing my glory days of yesteryear...

... the feeling I got when I first walked into convocation hall all those years ago, I mean...

... and dreamt so long and hard of that shitty ass piece of paper just sitting right next to me now as I write this shit...

So con-grad-ulations are in order, I suppose...

... as I better get that graduation discount on a bloody hell car...

Y2kk Update: Fuck this shit.

It's enough to make me sick...

Oh wait, I am.

Nevermind...

Because the thing is? I don't really know what the fuck is going on, but I've kinda been ill for three weeks now and running. I mean, one of those weeks was with the fucking flu, the worst I've had in probably over a year. And the other two weeks were me with fucking symptoms that just won't fucking go away, like coughing and sneezing and runny noses and the goddam inability to even fucking breathe. WTF?...

When I first entered university, there was a list of three things that I told to each of my new friends about me. That I a) was not very smart (which turned out to be so damn true), b) I had teeny tiny writing (not that that mattered, considering I stopped taking notes and attending classes two weeks into my first year), and that c)? That simply put, I fucking coughed a hell of lot for really no reason whatsoever...

... and sigh, I guess some things just never change...

Either way though, despite the fact that I've barely been able to talk in the past two weeks without first gasping for breath, I knew that there really wasn't much for me to do in the current part of the year anymore. What I mean is, television shows were now over, all my sports (that I gave a damn about) were finally done with, and yet I was still goddam unemployed, with the only remaining purpose in my life being to write goddam noname updates that nobody will ever read...

So what other choice did I have? Just out of sheer boredom, I started applying to paltry summer job positions, the same kind of shit as I did last year. The difference being that now, of course, I have work experience on my resume. And also I guess, the feeling that getting anything less than a real job is a fucking step down and almost an insult after all the things that have happened to me in the past few months alone...

Either way though, I sucked up my pride and got three quick summer job interviews out of it all...

... well, I didn't bother with the latter two...

About a week ago, I got a call from a small dotcom firm and they immediately gave me an interview. I had no fucking clue whatsoever why they were in such a damn rush, but they basically called me up one day, demanded that I go to an interview the next, and then what do you know?...

Well, the thing is, I didn't give a fucking shit about this interview. I barely even dressed up at all, pretty much going in business casual attire at best (although this being a dotcom firm, I was still one of the best dressed people at the place that I saw... go figure...)...

I walked in, coughing and wheezing like I have been for the past two weeks, and apologized to them that I was getting over a bad cold. Probably something closer to the pneumoniac plague though. Whatever...

They sit me down and start asking questions about my work experience. I lay it out for them as best as I can, that I did Web Development and Application Testing with Java and C# and .NET and SQL and all that bullshit crap from my days at the government. I go into a bit about my design project as well from school, considering it always sounds kickass to talk about DirectX and web-cameras and stuff like that (even if the final product did turn out like motherfucking shit in the end)...

I went into this whole spiel about shit that I had seen from their website. The company's "About Us" section talked about human interfaces and focusing on intuitive user GUIs and shit like that; so almost like a fucking reflex, that's the shit that I talked about in the interview. I said I believed in the idea of streamlining all the shit data from old legacy systems and managing it in a way that makes it natural for any regular user to search through and navigate. And hell, I probably sounded convincing when spewing all this bullshit out as well...

That's when the guy behind the interview desk simply stated, "yeah, that's not actually what we do here..."...

Huh? What? Pfft, oh whatever. Like I care...

So apparent my big speech backfired. The interviewers started talking about gaming, and how they were creating software to basically challenge Macromedia Flash out there for online 2D and 3D web applications. And none of this was on their website for some goddam reason, and I probably looked like an ass for saying all that nonsensical bullshit...

I was caught in the lie of fucking sucking up to them.

Whatever.

I was then asked how much experience I have with Direct X and 3D graphics and Javascript and crap like that. And since I didn't give one single damn about this summer job offer in the end, I became blatantly honest and obvious with them...

DirectShow? Meh, I've used it a bit for my design project using .NET and C#, but that's it. As for 3D graphics, the most I've used were dumbed down APIs that manipulate DirectX and OpenGL for me, as I've never touched those two fucking things inherently by themselves. I may be a gaming nerd, but I can't even make fucking Pac-Man as far as goddam graphics are concerned...

And as for Javascript, I flat out told them that I pretty much suck at it...

I repeat, I told them that I SUCK at it. Pretty much...

I kinda skipped around the issue, saying that my skills weren't that great since I've concentrated my entire life on object oriented programming instead (which isn't true either, but whatever), but I did admit that I have been using javascript since my high school days (which sadly is true, even if I hate the fucking language itself)...

And, well?... that's when the guys behind their desks changed their demeanor, for some goddam reason...

... I thought they were going to boot my out of the door like I fucking wanted, considering I just admitted that I SUCK at their job requirements...

But you know what they said instead?... ahem...

"We appreciate your candidness"...

Wait. WTF?...

That's when they started getting desperate, as if they wanted to suck my cock. And that's when I knew they were basically going to offer me the job, as I was slinking into the back of my chair in the hopes that I wouldn't have to turn them down...

They started asking about my availability date, if I'm alright with $16 an hour of pay, if I could tolerate using javascript 40 hours a week, if I might be willing to continue on in the company after my tenure is up, etc etc...

... uggh, goddammit...

I was hoping that after the interview, they would realize that I'm not quite qualified for the job. Afterall, I fucking TOLD them in the interview that I wasn't...

But sigh, I guess I wasn't really surprised when just an hour after I left their office, I got a call on the cell (not my cell, but my brother's) of whether or not I was willing to take the fucking job or not...

Fuck, that was quick...

And yes, I took the job. The pay isn't horrible for a summer position, and I wouldn't be able to face my parents down if I had fucking turned down yet another job offer. They still haven't forgiven me for the SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLAR debacle, don't you know...

I'm now a week into my new workplace, and while the job isn't terrible or anything, I just feel so meaningless there. We're all summer students at the place, and we get treated exactly as such. We're almost babied like kindergarten students, as it's not like we'd ever be considered equal in the eyes of the others. And why should we, as even I don't consider us summer guys as anything more than cheap ass beta testers who get paid for simple Quality Assurance work. Whatever...

I'll get used to the new job, I know. Even though my body is already killing me for having to wake up at seven in the fucking morning every single fucking day yet again... uggh, goddammit...

Still, if I can ever get a real job? Then I don't fucking care how bad it makes me look in the eyes of my new employers, but I will fucking give them my 14 days written notice and get out of that job as soon as possible...

I mentioned I had two other interviews for summer positions. I cancelled those before they happened, simply because I already had found a summer job. The other two may have been slightly more interesting in terms of web development and shit like that, but they probably would've required longer work hours. And they would've paid less in the end anyhew, so I really didn't give a damn shit about them...

What I do care about, is the fact that I have an interview with Rogers Communications this coming week. It's been a long fucking time coming, but they finally called me in for the fucking interview that I've been begging them a long time for. The sad thing is, I only got this chance at one of their minor QA positions because a friend of mine working at Rogers referred me. But it's about damn time that having a contact actually helped me out, so you're damn right I'm going to try my best to cash in on the favour. Afterall, I owe him a big ass IOU anyhew (wait, does that sound good?) just for getting me the interview in the first place, so I better not waste the goddam opportunity...

This job at Rogers is anything but glorious and anything but interesting in the end. The pay isn't great either, and quite pathetic compared to what I got at the government really. But hot damn, would I love working for a solid company like Rogers, especially if they grant me full time status. I'd finally feel like an equal again, and maybe fucking get a new car out of it too from my parents if I can't take the GO train to fucking work anymore like I am now...

You'd better believe that if I get that call from Rogers, unless they seriously give me a shitty ass contract offer, I will take their position and run with it. I respect my new dotcom employers for giving me a chance at the job I have now, and so far I think they can tell that I ain't bad at the position (I'm middle of the summer student pack in terms of ability, and it seems I'm the only one there who doesn't act like a completely stiff asshole so far). But if I get a full time position at Rogers, then I don't give a shit what it does to my rep at the company to leave one month into my new summer job...

I mean, sure I guess using their beta dotcom software to create virtual worlds and simplistic games is a decent job for any programmer, even if it focuses on fucking bloody hell javascript of all languages. As boring as it is to me, I can't really complain since I'm actually allowed to use my imagination and creativity for once...

But waking up every morning for a job that just feels far goddam below what I had before? It's kinda of demeaning, actually...

It's enough to make me sick, really...

... which is the last thing on my download update agenda, actually...

With television now out of the window until the fall season, I guess I had to get my nail-biting entertainment somewhere else, right?...

Almost immediately after getting the interview call from Rogers the other day, I got another call... this time for my doctor...

I had taken a blood-test last week. My arm is still fucking sore, as if some asshole had fucked the needle hole or some shit like that...

Either way though? My doctor needs to see me about my bloodwork results...

ASAP.

WTF?...

Let me guess. I'm a 24-year old virgin with AIDS. WTF?

... knock on wood...

Well, I probably am just anemic or have a ton of fucking weakass blood cells. That wouldn't be any sort of shocker, considering I can barely bench-press thirty fucking pounds on a good day, let alone the day I was fucking sick with this flu and had three vials of my fucking blood sucked out of me like a vampire...

Because it all sounds like so much fun, now doesn't it?...

Sneaking out for an interview during work next week, and finding out the soap opera secrets of my fucking blood tests, I mean?...

Pfft. I suppose that even with television now gone until the fall, I guess some things just never change...

Because fuck this shit.

I hate bloody hell cliffhangers.