Y2kk Update: Wow, things have been slow for me. I had a period after I left my job where I felt completely swamped, with final exams and job interviews practically every single day. After all those dried up though, what did I have left? I still do have my three courses left at university this summer, but I actually feel bored for the first time in ages.

Unfortunately, I've decided that getting a CA designation is simply not for me. Maybe I'll change my mind if I get an auditing job this fall, but my job hunt for any decent accounting position has certainly fallen on deaf ears. I know it's the slow season for taxes and I probably shouldn't even expect accounting interviews until the Big Four or Five start their rounds a few months from now, but I guess the question becomes, do I even want to bother becoming a CA anymore? The thing is, I originally thought that I could be an IT Auditor while earning a CA designation, which would've been the best of both worlds. I would get to use both my Accounting Certificate and Computer Engineering Degree in order to make a lot of money auditing IT services at banks or whatnot, while grabbing the hours I would need to become a CA and earn that coveted designation for life. However, now that I know that for some bloody hell reason, IT Auditing does not count towards CA-required hours, what use do I have for the designation? If I really have to put up with horrible wages and working overtime (until sometimes midnight) every single night (and on weekends) in an auditing field that I completely do not care about to earn the CA, then why should I bother? If I go for the lesser CMA designation instead, I can continue working in the computer industry while making a lot more money than I would as a CA-student auditor, and it's not like the CMA designation is much worse. A CMA still requires all the education I learned from York University Accounting, but I admit, it's not as glamourous or as respected as a CA. So really, what should I do?

I guess I don't have to make my decision just quite yet though, it sort of depends on the job that I'll eventually get. If I manage to secure a CA-auditor job this fall from one of the big accounting firms, I guess I'll go forth with my initial plans to become a CA. It'll ruin my life thanks to 12-hour workdays and a complete loss of weekends, but I've always wanted a designation as respected as a CA is. If I don't get a CA-auditor job though, I'll push forward on the CMA route instead and never look back. I will be making much more money in the short run (and probably the long run as well, unless I start my own CA accounting firm) and I'll be able to maintain my sanity in a normal management or software development job. Hell, the CMA group even claims that they can help me find an applicable job, although it'll cost me a bunch of money to do so. It might be worth it though, considering I have nothing now.

In order to finish the CMA, I will need to take three more York University courses this fall. I should've done them this summer, but by the time I realized that I wouldn't be able to find a new job, it was too late to enroll. I'm currently taking three courses that are more CA-related than anything else, though I guess my two tax courses are required by both the CA and CMA entry exams. It's not like I'm finding these courses easy, it's maybe a good thing that I don't have a full time job right now since I'm barely passing my midterms as is. I've basically gotten class average in two of my summer courses so far, and I have no clue yet how I fared on the midterm for the third. Still, considering I don't have any group projects or constant quizzes or anything else that would keep me busy week after week, I've been pretty damn bored this past month. There's only so much studying you can do before you go stir crazy.

I never really talked about my winter term at York University, even though it was probably the term I'm most proud of in the two years I've been at the school so far. I had a lot of presentations to deal, namely one for my IT Auditing class and one for my Advanced Auditing course. The IT Auditing one actually went pretty well, I was happy with how I presented. Our topic was simple to discuss, namely Cloud Computing and its effect on future financial reporting, but what I was most proud of was my enthusiasm and the confidence I had in leading my group. As an IT guy, I was pretty knowledgeable in the subject and I liked how I took command when it came time to respond to questions. The only issue that came up during the presentation was when in the middle of one my rehearsed sections, the professor actually dropped the damn egg timer that he was using to make sure we didn't drone on too long. It went off with a loud ratchet when it hit the floor, startling me and making the whole class laugh at either my or his expense. It completely threw me off, and since I was in the middle of a technical piece that was rather quite rehearsed, I completely lost my place and couldn't help but try to laugh and shrug it off. Even though I lost some of the conviction in my voice, it was still a memorable moment that helped ease the class more into my discussion and I thought in the end it worked out pretty well. My presentation for my Advanced Auditing course didn't go nearly as well, especially since I think I rushed through my part which made it feel short compared to everyone else's sections in my group. Still, my final marks in both of my presentations turned out to be pretty decent and I was very relieved for that. Actually, all my marks from last term turned out surprisingly well, midterms and final exams and all.

What was most surprising to me was my success in my Comprehensive Accounting class. I was rather intimidated for that course, considering it was said to be an extremely difficult CA/UFE preparation class, and it also turned out that the professor was once one of the markers of the actual UFE exam. My first midterm definitely gave credence to the fears I had going into Comprehensive Accounting in the first place, as the professor made us write an audit report about business valuation when she never once explained to us how to properly valuate a business before in the class. I didn't do very well on that first midterm, but then something miraculous happened on the second. I forget why I barely studied for that thing, but probably because of some deadline at work, I went into that second midterm barely prepared and essentially just babbled on and on about random things on my audit paper. When I got my midterm back, I was absolutely shocked at what I saw. This professor who had actually marked the UFE exam Canada-wide in the past, had actually given me 100% on my paper? WTF? I know it wasn't marked nearly as meticulously as an actual UFE exam was, but considering how low the class average was, I couldn't believe how lucky I was. And my luck didn't end there, as my group did exceptionally well on our term project as well. I think I wrote maybe only 15-20% of the actual term paper, though I was part of all the initial meetings where we would decide what to write and who would write it. I didn't feel that I was the leader of the group, but I certainly was one of the leads in creating the overall outline and guideline we would follow. In the end, we scored the highest in the class on that term project with 98%, which I was absolutely floored at again in the end. I'm guessing I must've done rather well on the final exam as well, because I ended up with a final score of an A in the course. How the hell I managed that in such a tough CA-preparation class, I may never know. All I do know is that my end mark in Comprehensive Accounting and my success in my other two auditing courses during the winter term was what I'm most proud of in Accounting so far.

Of course, that's just the private bubble of school we're talking about. Out in the real world, finding a new job hasn't been all roses like I had hoped it would be. It's not to say that I haven't had my opportunities though. Like I mentioned above, I had plenty of interviews when I first started applying to jobs. After that initial flurry was over however, summer settled in and I've been left kind of helpless and frustrated here with nothing to do. I'm now going through that same phase I did a while ago the first time I was unemployed for a long period of time. I'm starting to feel useless, and I'm starting to get nervous that I may have forgotten again all my skills needed to succeed at a proper career. I don't think that my resume is weak or anything, but it is so discouraging that every single big company that I've sent my name to has simply shrugged their shoulders and ignored my pleas. I really had thought my Accounting education combined with my Software Development experience would land me a job in IT at a bank or internal controls or something like that, yet none of these firms seem to care that I actually have damn experience in the IT world. Instead, they seem to keep hiring experienced accounting people who probably know nothing about the real underlying technology behind the world's web services and servers, but as long as they put "IT Audit" on their resume, they're the ones who get the interviews and not I. It's damn frustrating.

To be fair though, it's not just job interviews that I've had, but also a few job offers. The first one was actually a small software development company and it wasn't like it was situated in a terrible location or anything. It was maybe a half hour or forty-five minute commute away from my home, and the people there were really nice. They brought me in for two interviews, the first being mainly a meet and greet with the development leads and also a written technical test where they challenged me with database, object oriented and even grammar questions. I apparently did exceptionally well on the exam (except for the databases part, but whatever) and I got contacted the very next day to return to their offices. I delayed that second interview though, mainly because I was being courted by other companies with better career opportunities at the same time. It was a week later when I met up with that company again and I shook hands with the VP and more members of the software development team. They started asking me many more behavioural questions this time around, such as how to handle angry customers when it comes to change requests, what my opinion on the NBA Finals was, and what are my favourite kinds of television shows and movies or whatnot. Basically, they were asking me the kinds of questions that I used to ask interviewees back when I was allowed to help in the hiring practices at my old job. It was all to see if I would fit in with the group, and apparently I passed with flying colours. They even gave me a job offer with the kind of salary that I wished my old company had offered me back in March.

The problem was, I didn't feel like I would fit in with the group at this company at all. The job itself seemed alright, it was about programming management software onto mobile devices (I'm guessing like the iPhone and Blackberry). The issue for me was not even about commute times, but rather about the work environment itself. There were no cubicles, and hell, there weren't really many desks either. The majority of developers were all situated around one giant, rectangular table without any walls separating them. From their questions in the two interviews, I could tell that bringing in people that thought and acted like the rest of the group was essential, and that's just not something that I want in a job. I want my privacy, I need my cubicle walls and my personal separation. Maybe I would've taken this job if I hadn't already learned from my previous one that I just can't stand the modern concept of hotelling stations and of small companies supposedly being a tightly knit group. At my last company, I actually had a good time there when it was just myself and two other developers at a client site, separated by cubicle walls but still always chatting and talking about corporate-safe, personal stuff whenever we had time to talk. I liked that, but as soon as I was shifted over to our own company's downtown office, things turned sour and fast. The same people that I had trusted for half a year at the client site were completely different once they were back in an environment where they could be themselves, so to speak. One of them started playing with his iPhone constantly and completely reverted to his university-persona as soon as he was back with his other friends in the company, and I guess I already told the story of what happened with my other close colleague in my previous Y2kk Update. I need a level of professionalism in my career, and I just couldn't stand the small-company, "friendly" mentality that my last company had. Call me anti-social if you will, but I want my privacy in my jobs, and I just felt that I would be repeating my own mistakes if I took the job offer from this small development company. I really thank them for having faith in me and for offering me a full time position with a very desirable salary. Unfortunately though, it would've been just another dead-end job for me in an environment that I knew I'd never be comfortable working in.

The second job offer that I received is actually still on the table. It seems that my Accounting education on my resume is attracting companies that work in manufacturing and other management accounting industries, and thus I got a phone interview with a UK-based firm that has its North American head office here in Canada. The phone interview itself was already pretty tough, as I was asked a bunch of technical questions that I barely knew the answers to. There were probably a couple that I didn't know, but I was honest in stating that I wasn't sure and then I tried my best to work through the questions still as best I could. That seemed to impress my interviewer enough that he brought me in for an interview, or actually, he pencilled me in for two. He mentioned there were two positions available, one for a C# developer and one for Java, and since he didn't know which I would be most suited for, he scheduled me for both. I agreed at the time assuming that each interview would be relatively short, but I really had no idea going in of what kind of gauntlet I would face. In total, I spent over two and a half hours being grilled by two entirely separate teams. Some questions even overlapped between the two groups, but for the most part, it was two and a half bloody hours of pure technical questions. I managed to impress the team leads of both groups by answering all their object oriented design questions quite well, and I even fared decently against their questions based on logic and mathematics. Of course, there's always some sort of hiccup when it comes to interviews, and that was with their right-hand men giving me technical questions about quality assurance testing and database development. I think I only got half of the QA questions correct, and it was kind of embarrassing how disgusted the person interviewing me was when I couldn't get the majority of his database ones right. When I was leaving that office, one of the team leads assured me that I would be hearing back from them for a third interview. He mentioned that he was quite "impressed" with how I handled myself, and since this office was a lot more corporate and a lot more private than the place I got my first job offer from, I was willing to wait for this UK company to give me a contract. It wasn't ideal, but at least it was a career choice that wouldn't result in a dead-end job. I would not only be making management programs, but they wanted to groom me as an architect for their accounting software as well. That honestly sounded quite appealing to me.

The UK firm brought me back in for a second interview a couple weeks later, but to my partial disappointment, it wasn't for the job I was being promised in either of my two gruelling interviews. I didn't get to meet with either of the team leads that drilled me with questions before, but rather an HR manager who admitted to me that I didn't get the development jobs I had applied for. I was a bit thrown off from that, so I asked why I had been brought in for another interview. It turned out, while I didn't get the software development jobs, I had been recommended to her by the team leads for a technical consulting job, where I would travel to client sites and implement the actual management accounting software on their server systems. That's actually not a bad job and I was quite excited to hear that, considering it would move me one step closer to the financial and accounting worlds by talking and meeting directly with business clients. The only downside though was the travel, as essentially the vast majority of the company's clients are all located in the United States. The HR Manager mentioned that as much as fifty to eighty percent of my time would be spent in the US, which is not something I'm terribly excited for. While I love the actual career of going to clients, gathering functional requirements for software and then sort of acting like a project manager in working with developers to implement the business solutions, I was hoping to be able to do all of this within driving distance of my home and not while being stuck in hotels for more than half of my life. It is a big commitment and the HR Manager knew that, which is why I wrote earlier that the offer is still technically on the table. She had heard I was still in school for accounting, and actually my interview with her consisted of talking about my Accounting education and knowledge such as the transition from GAAP to IFRS. She is a CA graduate herself so I guess she had a soft spot for me, especially since she recognized that I knew both the technical and business sides of much of the industry already. She gave me a verbal promise that a business analyst and consultant role would be available for me if I want it when my summer classes are over. Accepting this job wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, considering it would be decent pay (on par with my first job offer this summer) and it would allow me to actually combine both my accounting and computer backgrounds. It's just that, not only am I unsure if I want to work away from Canada for up to 80% of my time, but I'm also uneasy about how real this verbal promise is from the company. I can't really trust this offer because it's not in writing. It could be taken off the table by the time August rolls around.

With my first job offer declined and my second one only being verbal, that left all my hopes and dreams for a decent career to rest on the one option that promised me the most. Right by my home (only a ten minute drive away, actually) was an office that offers SR&ED tax consulting services. The thing that made this job the most desirable to me was the fact that its job description was very interesting by using both my accounting and my software development experience every single day that I'm on the job. A SR&ED tax consultant goes into firms, looks at their R&D technology and expenses, and then writes reports based on this research and development to get tax credits back from the government. It's a great job from an accounting point of view because I would get to use my tax knowledge to both earn commission on tax credits and to give overall tax consulting advice to companies, and it's a great opportunity from a technical point of view because I would be able to walk into firms and actually get to see their latest R&D toys and talk directly with their developers. Getting a job as a SR&ED tax consultant sounded like a win-win proposition for me, especially with the idea that I'd be mainly doing my work at client sites and rarely become stuck at a home office like I was during the final bleak months of my previous job. My interview with the SR&ED firm also went extremely well, as they basically just tested me on behavioural questions and seemed to act like I was a perfect fit for the company by the start of the second half of the hour that I was there. In fact, it all felt really easy to secure that job, a little too easy actually.

I guess I learned why that interview had been so simple and relaxed a month later. It took forever to finally get a job offer from them, it didn't arrive until after I had declined that first job offer and received the verbal one for the second, so of course I was extremely disappointed that I wasn't even offered any salary at all by this SR&ED consulting firm. They weren't hiring me to be a full time employee like I had hoped, but instead it was a pure commission job and the contract in my hands basically had me working for them for free for potentially months with nothing in return. I tried to negotiate with them and ask for a small salary (with benefits or not, it didn't really matter to me), and I was willing to sacrifice some commission to get that kind of security. I mean, I figured it had all been too easy how they were claiming I could make $100K to $150K within a couple of years or two with all the tax claims I would be writing and earning commission off of, but I guess it really was all too good to be true. There was absolutely no real provision in the contract they offered me that would guarantee that the tax claims I would write would still be mine even if the company fired me six months down the road, which means that I could be working my ass off for them for half a year and not have a single dime to show for it. Or actually, I would be in debt from this job since I'd be using all my own cash for my initial expenses such as gasoline, car mileage, meals and whatever else I needed to meet and greet with clients. I loved the idea of being a SR&ED tax consultant so a huge part of me wondered whether I should just take the job and risk the lack of pay, if only to be able to write about my experiences on my resume. Then I also realized that if I did get fired from this job, I would have no contacts or references to build up from, so I could end up with literally nothing if they conned me when all was said and done. I tried my best to negotiate with them but they didn't budge at all. The interview was indeed too easy because they just wanted me as a pawn working for them for free and nothing more. I should've seen it coming but I was just too afraid back then to mess up a good thing, I suppose.

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it? And unexpectedly after those three job offers came in, I've had absolutely nothing to do, so it really hasn't been anything but goddam boring for me. A month ago, I was having phone interviews every day and in-person interviews two or three times a week. Lately though, I've just been sitting at home and feeling absolutely useless, especially after my sister returned back to Singapore and my brother has been a bit too busy around his house with his wife to allow me to pay them a visit. I am still applying to plenty of jobs but I'm hearing absolutely nothing back in return. I hope it's just a calm before the storm with the long July 1st weekend coming up, because I'd hate to think that I lost my window of opportunity by giving up two decent (though non-ideal) job offers. If I have nothing else on my plate in August, I'll definitely think long and hard about taking that UK company's offer and choose to work in the United States. I wouldn't be able to take my final three CMA courses at York University, but if I can manage to find online substitutes instead, maybe it's the right course of direction for my career in the end. I'll miss being at home, but I'm tired of having dead-end jobs that just lead to depression. I'll keep applying to SR&ED tax consulting and IT Auditing jobs because those are the careers I want most, but being a business analyst and consultant wouldn't be a bad career move at all.

Well, we'll see how it goes. I guess there's nothing else I can do right now but enjoy the warmth of the summer and prepare for the rest of my life in whatever career I choose.

This may be my last summer of boredom. I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

Y2kk Update: My last day at work was on April 8th. I've been unemployed since then, yet I haven't written a single download update. I never felt the urgency to, I guess.

It's not like I've been that busy since my job as a Technical Consultant ended. I had school to deal with, but that only consisted of three university courses when I used to be able to handle six at once. Granted, each of these three courses were advanced accounting ones, but I oddly enough actually learned a lot from attending lectures during the term so it wasn't like I needed to study my brains out or anything. In the end, I did pretty well during this past term. I ended off with two B scores and an A in my toughest class. I have no idea how I scored an A in Comprehensive Accounting, which is a preparation course for the UFE Chartered Accountant exam here in Canada. Even though I had no clue what I was doing, I not only passed my midterms but I scored 100% on the second one, and my group project went surprisingly well with a 98% mark in return as well. I certainly never saw that coming.

Ever since my spring term ended at York University, I haven't had much to do. I've been attending my final three courses for accounting this summer, and while my tax classes do require a lot of memorization and studying to even remotely get right, it's not like I haven't had a lot of spare days to sit down and finally write out my thoughts on this website. For the most part, I've just been busy with job interviews and spending time with family. To be honest, the past three or four weeks has been pretty hectic and somewhat stressful because I had way more interviews than I originally would've predicted, and unfortunately I'm still the type to get nervous before each and every single one of them. My interviews however will be an update for another day. Truth is though, I didn't have any meetings with companies or even recruiters during my first few weeks of unemployment, so why didn't I write back then?

Looking back at some of my old download updates, it used to be that I would rant and whine on this website of mine every single time something negative or disappointing happened in my life. To some extent, I guess I haven't changed. Yet even though I was actually rather depressed after leaving my job in April, I just couldn't find the urge to write. I didn't particularly care about that office and I couldn't stand the job itself. I had no qualms about leaving when upper management there didn't seem to respect or acknowledge my skills at all. What I was depressed about was the fact that I stupidly had begun believing that I had made some friends at that workplace. In the end, I guess I was just a bit too heartbroken to write about it.

When it comes to the reason why I left my job, it was a simple decision and one that I don't think I'll ever regret. I had worked for an entire year at a pathetic entry level salary, and I thought I had done good work. But despite all my efforts, and despite the fact that I think people at the office liked working with me for the most part, management never once tried to sit me down and talk to me about my future at the company. They never once tried to set me up for training to be a manager, and they never once even talked to me about even working more closely with clients. It's not like I didn't lay hints most days or directly tell them that I wanted more responsibility during the other times. I really thought they would start putting me back on more important projects and giving me the chance to earn some recognition and respect. Or at least, I honestly expected my close coworker who I had believed had become my friend would vouch for me and help me fight for a better position and a promotion to become something more valuable to the company than just a disposable entry level programmer.

The first stab in my back came when the new project finally arrived. On one hand, I guess I was happy that they selected me for the project, and I will give credit to my friend at the company for telling them that I would work hard at the job. On the other hand, what pissed me off more than I'd like to admit, was that they completely froze me out of all the business requirement meetings and everything else that was important in developing a relationship with the new clients. I understand that I would've met them all later, but I would've looked like a chump, noname programmer on the team as a result. The fact that my close coworker didn't even tell me about the meetings she was having (as team lead on the project) with the client was telling enough, I thought. My friend liked having me as a subservient coworker. She wasn't happy with me possibly becoming an equal or threatening her position. I would've at least been happy if I was invited to the meetings as a silent member to listen to and analyze the business requirements in terms of development implementation, but I wasn't even granted that level of respect. Opening my eyes, it became obvious that everything I had done at the company for the past year was replaceable. I just wasn't seen as very important at all.

That's when I decided to have fun with the company. I mean, I was finishing up my Accounting Certificate, I had a bloody hell engineering degree, and I had now worked four years in the software development industry. This company basically had me working full time for them for practically free and it was due time for me to earn some respect and money. My second, six-month contract was ending in April, so I decided before my negotiations with management back in March that I was pretty much just going to leave the company unless they offered me good money and a proper promotion. I was sick and tired of just being seen as a junior developer, especially after I thought I proved how valuable I could be as a communicator and liaison to clients at the companies I was working at. I know the firm I was working for was small and arguably was in a tough place because all the team lead positions had already been filled, but at least they could give me some encouragement to grow in my career over the next few years. They had said nothing for months and I was tired of waiting.

When negotiations finally started in March, their first offer was pathetic to me and it cemented my resolve to leave. I had been making a lowly sum on contract and I had repeatedly told them that I'm looking for a lot more, and yet their first offer to me was over $10K less money (though full-time). I know benefits do cost them a bunch of money and I would finally get paid for holidays and vacations, but seriously, that's what they considered a decent offer? I almost laughed and I think I did roll my eyes when my manager presented that number to me. I wasn't even really pissed about it because I was happy they were giving me even more incentive to leave my dead-end job at the company, though when it came to talking with my friend at the firm, I pretended like I was pissed off as hell and that I originally was hoping to work with her on the upcoming project. Later that night, I decided to be a bit more honest and I texted her that I was planning on leaving. That afternoon and also later that evening, she had given me some sound advice and she genuinely seemed like she would miss me. That was pretty much the last time I felt she was ever really being friendly and honest with me. I had hoped she was just angry with me afterward, but maybe she never cared at all.

A few days later, my company decided to give me a second offer. It was a much better offer ($5K more than the first), but it was still less than what I would've settled for and I had pretty much already decided long ago (with even more determination after the first offer) that I was leaving the company at any cost. During the second offer, my manager started to move a bit upwards with numbers, eventually offering me $8K and finally $10K more than their first offer. I admit, the latter salary may have had been an acceptable starting point if they had offered that to me first. I wouldn't have been so insulted, and maybe I would've thought twice about leaving the company. Objectively though, while it was a fair offer for an entry level programmer, it still wasn't acceptable after a year of proving myself at the firm. I knew what final number I wanted in my head, and my company never came close to matching even after I told them my demands. In truth, I never wanted them to offer what I was looking for, because I just would've been miserable working as a lackey for years at the company. Their eternal cheapness gave me all the courage I needed to walk out of that door. I was hoping to keep a few friends from the firm in the process at least, but that just didn't turn out to be the case.

That was their second offer. Their final offer was the one that I admit, I was definitely a bit tempted for. Instead of just my direct manager talking to me about salaries, finally one of the upper managers of the company chose to meet with me for the third and final offer, and at least I appreciated that I was finally getting a little bit of respect. His final offer to me was on contract and not a full-time position, but it was definitely an amount of money that I was willing to stay temporarily at the company for. It would've only been for six months (or maybe a year if the project went on longer than advertised), but he was willing to offer me $20K more than what I was currently making. That wasn't bad, but since I had run through the contract vs full-time numbers on a calculator earlier that week, I countered with my own offer. I felt a lump in my throat when I said this (which almost made me laugh at the time, in retrospect), but I replied back that I wanted a minimum of $30K more a year to stay. The manager was definitely taken back at first by my comment, but to my surprise, he actually said it was still doable and that he would look into it for me. In the end though, he returned a few days later and said the owner of the company denied the request. It was a nice little glimmer of hope from the firm, though I'm guessing it was all just a ruse to keep me working in a relatively positive tone for a few hours longer. That was the end of negotiations. I had only two weeks left to go.

This is where things started to go even more sour and I really started to become bitter. It was nice at least that my coworkers were willing to come out with me for my going away lunches, I give them credit and appreciation for that at least. The thought was there, but the execution and maturity certainly was not. I honestly can't believe how pathetically childish a lot of my similar-aged peers acted at this company. I know that management somewhat encourages it, as they know they can get away with paying dirt cheap wages to most employees by giving them leeway with really flexible hours and letting them play with iPhone and iPad games all day long in front of everyone else without repercussion. That sort of environment is fun at first, and eventually irritatingly unprofessional after a while. It just felt like I was living in a world where everyone was still in school, like I was still in my computer classes at university and everyone was forced to work together on one big group project. I felt like I was working with kids at times, and my last lunch out with them certainly reinforced that idea.

I had picked a Thai restaurant as the venue because of a recommendation from a couple of other employees. Unfortunately, maybe it was just the food that day, but it wasn't good at all and basically everyone complained to me. I guess that's fine, I made a mistake and I deserved to hear about it from the others. What was really insulting though was that two of my coworkers didn't even touch their plates, they just sat there playing with their iPhones and looking like little brats who hated the food that their parents had brought them. I can understand if they were disappointed in the restaurant, but did they really need to just sulk amongst themselves? They didn't even bother to talk to me, to ask me why I was leaving or what my plans were for my career. They just seemed so angry at me for picking a wrong place to eat that they ignored me all lunch long. To make matters even worse, when it came to paying the bill, I expected those two guys to at least fork over a couple of dollars each. I mean, my lunch was only twelve fucking bucks after tax and tip, and yet neither of them put in any money at all. And since a third coworker said he didn't have cash at the time to spare and nobody seemed to volunteer on his behalf, I felt I had no choice but to take out my own wallet and pay for half of my bloody hell lunch myself. Wow, that was embarrassing. I even held out my wallet and slowly took the cash out, hoping somebody would care or notice, but nobody did. Even my close coworker who I thought was my friend simply spent the second half of the lunch complaining to me how bad the food was. Sure, she paid her two dollars of the meal, but even she just seemed angry with me for most of the day. Almost everyone at that table ignored me. I felt like I was alone on an island there, as everyone talked around me but nobody asked me a damn thing about how I was even feeling. Pathetic, utterly pathetic. I expected so much more respect and maturity from everyone there and I got nothing.

There was a second group of coworkers who treated me nicely. I was never really close to them, but I hung around them enough that at least they treated me to a good lunch and a decent cup of coffee on my last day of work. On my final day, I tried to go on coffee runs with as many coworkers as I could just to stay goodbye to them. Hell, I even paid for the coffee of some of my employees because I didn't really care if they purchased me anything. All I wanted was for them to offer to pay, and then I would be happy and content. Of course, apparently that was too much for those whiny assholes from my goodbye lunch the previous week. When it was time to head to Tim Hortons with the pricks who didn't pay for me (and some other guys who did chip in that day), I went up to the cashier to order just a frickin' one dollar cup of green tea, and nobody fucking there even bothered to offer to pay. I waited for ten seconds or something, and still nobody gave a fucking shit. So I just waved off the cashier and chose to sit down with everyone else without a goddam coffee or tea in my hand. Eventually, one of my coworkers noticed and asked why I wasn't drinking anything. I gave a fake excuse, that I had already gone to coffee twice so I didn't need anything else. Everyone insisted that I get something, so I said 'sure, why not?' I got up from the table, I returned back to the cashier to order my green tea, I then looked back at the table with my coworkers, and yet nobody, fucking nobody, had gotten up to offer to pay for my one dollar drink. Disgusting, absolutely fucking disgusting. I was working with a bunch of selfish, fucking kids.

Was I really asking for too much? I know I sound selfish with my own sense of entitlement, but I was only asking for an one dollar gesture of faith on my last day of fucking work after spending an entire year with these people. I couldn't tell whether they were simply too selfish themselves to offer to pay or if they never fucking liked me in the first place. To be honest, I don't know which of those two options I would prefer to be the truth. It kind of hurts to think that the people I spent a whole year with never really cared about me. I hate that feeling.

As for my close coworker who I had hoped had become a friend, she used to talk to me all the time before I told her I would be leaving the company. Afterward, she started ignoring me. Every morning when I would say hello, she would seemingly roll her eyes and then cut me off with a quick goodbye or a comment that she was too busy. This went on for the last two weeks that I was at the company, although she was already starting to act this way towards me even before my negotiations with management had started. I began to wonder if maybe something was wrong on a personal level for her? Maybe she was having issues with family, or maybe she was upset about her husband being so far apart? I gave her the benefit of the doubt for weeks, and yet when it came to my last days at the company, she was still cold to me like a goddam woman scorned. I admit though, there was one day she was nice and we talked at least a bit after I invited her out to walk around the nearby mall. That afternoon gave me hope that maybe she wasn't really upset at me, that perhaps she just had some personal issues to deal with that and everything about me leaving was nothing more than bad, coincidental timing. That hope of mine didn't last very long, unfortunately.

The last day I was at work, besides being screwed over by that punk ass group who wouldn't even pay for my one dollar cup of tea, I went to lunch (at my request) with my close coworker and another peer at the company. I opened up the lunch with an offer that I wanted to pay as a thank you to them for always being there for me. I was actually serious in my request, because I was happy enough at the time that they had come out with the notion of offering me a goodbye lunch in the first place. In the end, they insisted on paying for the meal and I was grateful for that. My close coworker tried not to talk to me throughout the lunch, I could see that she was ignoring most of the comments I was making, but in the end she did start warming up and speaking with me again. At that moment, I started to enjoy spending time with my coworkers again and I was thinking that hopefully I would be able to keep my close coworker as a friend through e-mail and texts from time to time. Eventually though, when we were walking back to the office, that's when she accidentally blurted out the truth about why she had been acting cold towards me for the past month. In her own words, it's because I "remember everything", and that she "doesn't trust" me with what she says.

Really, that's why she didn't want to tell me anything for the past four or five goddam weeks? Because I would try to be thoughtful later on and ask her about it a few days later? Seriously, I know I have my social issues sometimes and I know I can be goddam clingy, but unless I'm reading her comment wrong, she couldn't stand how I would actually listen to what she was saying and ask her about it a few days later to make sure things are fine? Seriously, that's all I can remember doing "wrong", because I would never tell any of her secrets that she trusted to me with anyone else (and to my knowledge, I never have). I guess when it comes from a good looking guy or some shit like that, being thoughtful and courteous is considered an asset, when for a lowly guy like me, trying to genuinely care about how someone is feeling is goddam creepy and clingy at best. I've already been told this before, both directly to my face and indirectly behind my back, that (in a nice tone) I need to give people more space, and that (in a not very nice tone) I need to back off because I don't know when to shut up. I understand it's all a fault with me, but goddammit, I guess it really hurt that the main reason why she was ignoring me was the same reason I had burned so many other close friendships and potential relationships in the past. I wasn't trying to do anything wrong or malicious, I genuinely cared how her family was doing and if she was alright. The only friendships that I maintain are the ones where the other person appreciates that I genuinely do care about their feelings. But apparently, I was wrong about my close coworker.

I could tell that she immediately realized she had made a mistake in telling the truth of why she was avoiding me. And in all honesty, if I had left on my final day assuming that she was only silent towards me because of personal issues or that she was deep down inside upset that I was leaving, I wouldn't have been so hurt and I probably would've messaged her a week or two later hoping to stay as friends. But in the end though, without being able to talk to her in person to work through the animosity, I just didn't give a damn about keeping her as a friend anymore. As far as I'm concerned, she didn't actually like who I really am. Weeks went by and I heard nothing from her, so I didn't bother to write her back anything at all. I had previously admitted to her how sensitive I am around my birthday, and you two readers out there know that if there's any one damn day where I want people to care about me like I try to care about them, it's my goddam birthday. I trusted her enough that she was the only person at the company who knew my birthday, but I heard nothing from her when April 20th came and left. For the first time in my entire life, it wasn't a family member or a girl I had a crush on that I was hoping would contact me on my birthday. It was just a goddam former coworker who I was still hoping would prove to be my goddam friend. How pathetic is that? And when I heard nothing from her, I just gave up waiting. Turns out she was just a coworker afterall.

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it? And the truth is, I really was hurt by her. Otherwise, I would've written about everything that happened long before now.

I spent a whole year with her. She used to trust me with how she was feeling and I really appreciated and valued that. Yet now, I haven't heard from her since I became unemployed.

What a waste of a year that was. I'm happy to move on.

Y2kk Update: Wow, just like clockwork. As soon as I'm free on vacation, I get so fucking sick and ill that it's ridiculous…

It all started early yesterday morning. I woke up with a scratchy throat but didn't think anything of it. It didn't take long for my head to start pounding and for even the smallest semblance of light to cause me to cower my eyes. The migraine I developed was enormous and I didn't even have enough energy to walk around the house without collapsing on the ground to catch my breath. I couldn't even find respite in laying in bed as my fever caused me to burn up to the point where half my body felt like it was on fire and the other half was freezing cold. I knew I wouldn't be able to get any real rest last night and just as expected, I woke up pretty much every single hour to either take a piss or because I just couldn't take the temperatures under the covers. At least my migraine is more or less under control today but I still feel like total and utter shit…

This is the worst flu I've had in quite a while. I wonder how I got it? I visited my grandmother and grandfather at their respective nursing homes yesterday, both of which are under partial quarantine due to outbreaks of flu in the area, so I'm hoping I just got it from there. At least in that case, I can feel safe that I didn't bring this god-awful disease into the company of my grandparents because I'm terrified that I could've infected them with a flu as bad as mine. My brother was also sick last night but only with a scratchy throat. He's had his flu shot so it's possible while his immune system was strong enough to deal with this virus, that he was still infectious enough to spread it when I gave him a Christmas hug. I'm not sure though, it's impossible to figure out the source of the mind-numbing pain that I'm in. All I know is that I almost always get sick whenever I'm finally done my work for the year and finally done my exams.

It's been a difficult year for me, albeit sadly by choice it seems. To be honest, I was getting pretty stressed out from all the work I had to do at university this year, enough so that I didn't even have time to update this download website of mine in months. I had four courses this term (two Advanced Financial Accounting courses, Intermediate Managerial Accounting and Introduction to Auditing), and the problem was how these four year courses of mine required so many goddam participation marks and group projects. I would go to my Auditing class every Monday immediately after work and suffer there as 15% of my mark was based on individual assignments to be handed in to the professor in person, along with group work with my team where we would discuss issues and write down our solutions on papers to be graded. That was bad enough for me, but what was even worse was all the group projects I had to endure. It seemed like every single damn weekend, I would have to meet with my team members for this course and work on our group assignments to be handed in the very next day. It was a terrible experience for me because I couldn't even enjoy my bloody hell weekends to myself. I barely had a single day to rest this entire past term.

And that was only one course. Auditing alone was bad enough, but I certainly got stressed out from my two Advanced Financial Accounting courses just as much in the end. Both of which had calculations and concepts that were actually difficult for me to understand, the first time since my engineering days at university where I actually had to concentrate to learn and pass the course. I've finished all my exams this year but I certainly don't feel confident about how well I did in each of my classes. I only got a 59% on my last midterm in one of my Advanced Financial Accounting courses, and I certainly don't feel like I improved my mark after taking the final exam that I did. I don't believe I'll fail the course or anything, but it doesn't really instill confidence in me that the Chartered Accountant standards in Ontario requires that I maintain an overall B average in my Accounting studies to be eligible for membership. Sure, I can always take the course again if I really need to improve my marks, but why bother suffering through hell again?

This was absolutely the worst semester of schooling for me since my days at engineering in terms of difficulty, and what made it even worse is that I was working full time at the same damn time at my job. When I first started at my company back in March, I did have six exams to take at university but I wasn't really stressed out because each of those six courses were relatively easy second and third year courses, and I didn't have any long hours at work to keep me busy beyond five o'clock. But after my projects at the insurance company started to ramp up during the late summer and fall term, I had no choice but to stay working at my company until six, seven or sometimes even eight pm, and I felt so damn miserable forcing myself to go to university class for participation marks after all of that. That's honestly how I felt this past term, absolutely miserable that I was so damn busy with no real time for myself in terms of relief. I normally don't get stressed out but even I admit I was starting to feel so with my final exams this term.

There was one particular weekend that I had honestly believed was the worst I had ever experienced. Back in November, thanks to the scheduling gods, I had three of my fucking midterms all to be written on the same damn Sunday. I tried to argue with the school against such a thing but they countered by claiming there's a rule against more than two final exams on a single day but not against three midterms. Disgusted, I tried pleading with each individual professor but none of them budged, claiming I have to deal with the hardships of life and all that other shit. Eventually, my Managerial Accounting professor did yield and let me write my exam the Friday before. I aced that exam, I think I got around 90% on it or something, but I certainly didn't fare nearly as well with my other two midterms. My first Advanced Financial Accounting midterm that Sunday ended up being a 70%, and my second one was the 59% that I mentioned before. What made that weekend even worse was that I also had a group project due for Auditing the following Monday. Thankfully, my group members did most of the hard work in that case, but I still had to contribute and I honestly did feel stressed out when it was all said and done. Combine that with deadlines at the insurance company I was working at the following week and I don't know how I survived that November.

The question in my mind now is, was that November weekend the worst I had ever experienced or does this past week before Christmas now take the cake? My original schedule consisted of my first Advanced Financial Accounting final exam on the 15th, my Auditing exam on the 18th and my second Advanced Financial Accounting exam on the 20th. My company Christmas Party was scheduled for the evening of the 21st so I thought things would work out fine. Naturally though, fate just doesn't give two shits about me, as a fire broke out at York University which destroyed the heating generators at the school and caused my first Financial Accounting final exam to be delayed, where it was of course postponed to December the bloody 23rd. In a way, that was a benefit to me because it gave me more time to study, and in other ways it was horrible because now it was situated after my company Christmas Party which eliminated a lot of time I had to concentrate. I managed to finish my first two exams just fine, but it was this newly postponed one that was worrying me the most. The last thing I wanted was to go to my company Christmas Party and leave completely too tired to concentrate the next day. That's exactly what happened though, of course.

To be honest, maybe the long walk to the Christmas Party was the reason why I ended up getting so sick these past two days? My company office is in downtown Toronto around University and Dundas, and the party was at the Academy of Spherical Arts by Dufferin and King Street. When I checked the GPS, I thought it would be a manageable walk, but nope, it definitely wasn't in the end. It took me over an hour to get to the party location, and that was with the freezing bitter cold wind blowing in my face the whole way there. December here in the GTA has been the coldest I can ever remember it being this year so far, and I think it felt like -12C or -15C with wind-chill that night. I wasn't even wearing a hood or a hat to cover my ears that evening, so I arrived at the party freezing fucking cold. I marveled at the time that I didn't get sick along the way somehow. Well, I'm not marveling or applauding myself any longer…

The company Christmas Party was alright. It was a billiards sort of posh dinner party location, so I had a decent enough time watching my coworkers beat each other at games of pool. I wasn't planning at first to join in because of my embarrassment at how improper I hold the pool cue when aiming, but I figured I've embarrassed myself at this corporation enough times for one year so why not another? I never got the chance to play before dinner arrangements began though. The appetizers of butternut-squash soup and a salad of some sort were not very good at all, especially in terms of salad dressing which was far too sour to be endurable. The main course of a 6 oz steak in fig and plum sauce actually was cooked quite well in terms of being medium-rare, but my table was served last in the entire venue so unfortunately my meal arrived to me a bit too cold for my liking, especially on that night. Dessert was just some giant brownie thing which was so hard and grating on the teeth that it made me long for the sour salad dressing back. Overall, it wasn't the greatest fine dining experience I've had, but I guess it was understandable considering how many patrons the place had to serve that night. We ended off the official festivities with Secret Santa gift giving, and of course I as the guy who barely ever drinks a drop of alcohol gets the gift card to LCBO. Guess it felt like a truly appropriate way to cap off the evening somehow, but I digress...

Since the Christmas Party, I've pretty much been on vacation, half by choice (I was too stressed from school to continue working) and half against my will (I'm on contract and my company does not want to pay me). I spent the better part of the day before Christmas buying last minute presents, and then Christmas day spent at my cousin's house was decent enough (provided that the dirtiness of the place is not what caused me to feel as ill as I do right now, that is). I always appreciate time with family and I'm really looking forward to the next few days. We're planning to go to my sister-in-law's parents house for a late Christmas or early New Year's celebration, and my brother and his wife have also invited us over to their new home for the holidays as well. My brother and I already christened their place with a ritual watching of Die Hard after my exam on the 23rd (where I drove to his home around midnight and left before 3 am), but I'm thinking the more we continue to help make their new house feel like home, then all the better.

I had helped my brother and his wife move to their new home in early December, about a week after my hellish weekend of three exams, a group project and a major work deadline. I technically was free that weekend, although part of me wished I could've just relaxed for the first time in ages. Nevertheless, I had a great time in helping them move as I actually felt like I was doing something that I wanted to do for once (a feeling I haven't gotten from school or work in quite some time). Some of our cousins and one of his best men also helped out in the move and we were done the whole thing before we even knew what hit us. My brother had rented a U-Haul truck and commented that it sadly performs about as well as the Ford minivan I drive to work each day. I knew at the time that I was going to miss my brother and his wife after they moved out of the basement, and in all honesty, I almost shed a tear when I had to say goodbye. It was time that they got some privacy though, and I'm hoping that I get the chance to visit them in their new home almost every week in the New Year. I guess we'll see how school and work goes for me though. As bad as my past term has been, my next term may even be worse with so many damn group projects…

The happiest time of the year for me was definitely the summer, before this latest term at school had started and before all these deadlines at work had started to crawl up my ass. I know I wrote all about my summer events in my last update, from my trips to Chicago and Charlotte to my brother's bachelor party and wedding, but I just felt like mentioning a few things more about each of these memories simply because I don't want to forget as the years go by. Besides, I'm sitting in my bed right now with a fever that's too hot for me to get any rest and too fucking chilly to get out from underneath my covers. What else can I do?...

When it comes to my trip to Chicago, I forgot to mention how it started off on such a bad note. My brother, his fiancée at the time, and myself had taken a taxi to the airport late at night for our departure flight, only to find that all flights had actually been cancelled due to windy storms in the Windy City or some sort of crap like that. It wasn't the delay that pissed me off the most though, as sadly I was never much of a fan of flying to Chicago late at night just to try to get some rest on an inflatable mattress later on. What actually upset me the most was the fact that we had wasted $30 on a taxi ride getting to the airport, and now we had to waste another $30 to get back. What can I say? I hate paying taxi drivers. Such a damn rip-off…

In Chicago, one of the moments I remember most was being in the bar lounge where there was live music. There was some hipster behind the piano and he was singing the standard songs that get the booze-induced crowd to respond. My favourite of them has always been Sweet Caroline or whatever that tune is named, though I always hate how the crowd adds the "so good, so good" part and always sound so off-key when they do so. Either way, even when that song came up, I still didn't sing along. I had asked my sister to take us to a jazz bar that weekend but apparently none were open that Saturday night. So instead, she took us to this little hipster joint that was barely larger than my bedroom, and while I didn't actually think it was all that bad, I seriously acted like it was. I didn't bob my head or even tap my feet to the beat of the music, something I do for show whenever I'm out at musical shows with others besides my family (such as with my coworkers on the 16th when I had to sit there for four hours in front of a cliché band, worried about my upcoming exams while my managers just kept downing drinks). I'm not sure why I was such a downer when I was at the lounge in Chicago. I guess I still feel a bit guilty that I didn't show I was having fun.

My trip to Charlotte is more of the kind of thing that I'm into. Whenever my coworkers ask me what I did in North Carolina with my friend, I never really have a good response because the stuff we end up doing always sounds so uneventful. What counts to me though is that I spend good time with the only friend I've been able to count on and trust for the past ten or more years of my life. When I was in Charlotte, what I always remember most is going to the Italian pizza place not far from his house. There's just something personal about the atmosphere there that I can so easily recall, from the sights and sounds to even the manager there that has spoken to us both times that I was in the city. The Italian pizza there is amongst the best that I've had and like I said, I just like spending time with my friend sometimes. And for some odd reason, I also strongly remember the Blockbuster Video that was next to the pizza place, or what's left of it at least. I've always been a fan of video stores from my youth, although I'll be first to admit I don't spend nearly as much money at them as I used to. The Blockbuster next to the pizza place was now closed as this was around the time the company was declaring bankruptcy. I guess I felt a piece of history was dying off.

For my brother's bachelor party, I'll never forget the drive I had on the way to Blue Mountain. Call me sheltered if you will, but I've never actually bothered to drive through the forests of Ontario in either summer or fall. I'm not sure if I'll ever be a cottage type of person in the future, but if it wasn't for goddam gas prices (and all the group work I've had to do for school), I would've definitely considered making a return trip through the highways and towns of Ontario on a weekend where I just want to feel free and roam. There was a time long ago where I was afraid to get behind the wheel, and unfortunately traffic and the hour long commute on the way to my insurance company every morning has made me cynical to hop back into my car again. But there are definitely times that I love the freedom that a vehicle brings, and making the two hour trek to Blue Mountain for the bachelor party was definitely one of them.

Similar to the lounge in Chicago, I guess I feel bad for not appearing like I was having as much fun at the bachelor party as I was. I spent the last day in my room studying for my law exam, but besides that excuse, I really honestly enjoyed myself more than I let on. Half of my time though was spent in the basement playing billiards. My cousin didn't feel like drinking much at the time (he seems to show restraint when he's with family versus friends), so he spent time with me just playing some pool and kicking my ass. It was a simple little diversion but I had a good time. I knew I wouldn't fit in with the rest of the crowd upstairs as they drank away their nights with poker, but whoever came down to the basement, I'd make some talk and play with them a round of pool. Maybe I didn't really realize how good of a time I was having until I had to leave. I still remember feeling a bit sad as I was snapping a bunch of photos on the last day, of the scenery outside and the camaraderie inside. The sky was so clear and the air was so clean. Just sitting out on that balcony and being there with family, that's what made the bachelor party special to me.

Well, I did enjoy the cottage side of things but not exactly the bar hopping my brother and his friends did at night. What I sadly remember most from that is how damn cold I was, shivering in the dark on the patio of one of the river-side bars. Maybe I'm only concentrating on that memory now because feeling freezing cold is exactly what I'm experiencing here as I'm sitting ill on my bed, but I guess I may never forget just how miserable I was sitting there without any alcohol in my system to keep me warm. It's not like I never ever drink, I taste tested the red and white wine at my brother's wedding and I always toast with real champagne, but I just don't feel the need to drink when it's not necessary for formalities or for making others happy. One of my brother's best friends confronted me about it, which is why I sadly still hold a partial grudge against him to this day. He sort of condemned me for not drinking that summer night in order to make my brother feel more at ease, which kind of hurt though I eventually shrugged it off. Now, I'll fully admit that this friend of my brother's definitely helped make the wedding and move to the new house into something special, and I did look miserable while freezing my ass off so maybe he was just trying to help me feel better in his own way. I just wish he didn't make me feel bad about it, that's all.

My brother's actual wedding will always be the highlight of the year for me. I still don't know how I managed to pull off the speech I did. Yes, I still feel ashamed and embarrassed about forgetting my lines near the end of my part, but at least it worked in my favour as it looked like I was simply getting choked up with emotion. And I still don't know how I mustered all the energy I did for the wedding games in the morning or the festivities at night, as I was so nervous about the speech and I was so worried that I would screw up the wedding games. I still remember the stern looks my brother gave me at the Church ceremony when I acted awkward and didn't know when to give my new sister-in-law a hug. I'm still not wise or aware enough at times like that to know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do. What I really appreciate though is that my brother realized I was doing my best to make the day into something real special for him, and even though he was so stressed out (enough so that he blew up at my cousin when she came to him with a decoration problem), he never really took it out on me once. I am so happy that he got married and I was so relieved that he thought the day had gone perfect in his eyes. We had done our best to hide all the problems in the background from the bride and groom, and if we as his family deserve a pat on that back, it's for that. Everyone contributed, from the best men to the bridesmaids to all my cousins. We all did our best to make that day as perfect and memorable as could be and I feel like it worked.

Alas, I'm still embarrassed over how I danced. Watching a video of myself taken from a cellphone of me making my moves? Ha, God, I'm so uncoordinated that it's not even funny (or at least not funny to me). But I danced the night away because the other best men were right, it would look bad if we didn't look like we were having fun. And I toasted with champagne and even tried a beer to celebrate with my peers, simply because it was a night to remember and I wanted to show my brother's friends that I truly appreciated what they had done for him that day. The last thing I really remember is how damn tired we were at night. I was sitting in the green room with my sister and brother and he thanked me for the wedding speech and that I did my best to have so much fun at the party. He knew that it was rather unnatural for me to do so, and he appreciated the fact that for one day of the year at least, I wanted to let myself have a good time. I'll really do anything for my brother, I'll even admit (maybe one day) that dancing the night away was kind of fun. We ended off that wedding night with my brother-in-law and sister driving myself and the newlywed couple to their hotel. They were so tired and innocent looking together that it was adorable. They sort of just fell into each others arms and started snoozing. They looked so happy and content. As their big brother, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Family will always mean everything to me.

And since the wedding? Like I mentioned before all these memories of mine, I started the fall school term and soon realized how damn painful and unaccommodating fourth year courses are for people who work full time. My projects at work started to ramp up as well, with more deadlines and more milestone meetings with clients and more long hours that made me show up to my full time course-load an hour or so late into every lecture. I've had to deal with numerous social gatherings for work, such as the celebration dinner for the pseudo-ending of our insurance company project on the 16th and the Christmas party where I practically froze to death along the way. And yeah, I still remember the day my brother and his wife moved out. They were living in the basement for a few months after their honeymoon, and while I realize they need their privacy and their own home as a married couple, I still wish they were around anyway. I'm happy the whole family contributed to their new house in terms of financing and the actual moving process, but there are just some nights though that I wish my brother was still home to talk to, that's all…

I guess you can say things are more or less status quo for me then. I'll heal soon enough from this flu of mine and then it'll be a new year and a new term at school. Granted, I am rather depressed for a number of reasons, as my sister has moved to Asia, my close cousin will be working at different hospitals across the province this year so I'm not sure when we'll spend time together, and my brother isn't home to keep me company anymore. That's just life though, we all have to move on. I'm also not sure when's the next time I'm going to get the chance to write either. My next term at university looks to be potentially even busier than this one thanks to two Advanced Auditing courses with bloody hell requisite group projects every damn weekend. And I'm also now being put on a new project at my job with a lot tighter deadlines and many more micro-managers to boot. To be honest, I'm getting the feeling like I'm being marginalized at my company as well, but I guess we'll see what happens there soon enough…

Because it all sounds like so much fun, now doesn't it? Well, if only this migraine of mine wasn't roaring back full force due to staring at the LCD monitor for the past hour or so of writing, then maybe it would be…

So in case I don't get the chance to write again before the New Year, I just wanted to wish you two readers out there the same, old IvanF usual: a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone…

… and a good luck and a Happy New Year.