Y2kk Update: Fuck this shit.

It's enough to make me sick...

Oh wait, I am.

Nevermind...

Because the thing is? I don't really know what the fuck is going on, but I've kinda been ill for three weeks now and running. I mean, one of those weeks was with the fucking flu, the worst I've had in probably over a year. And the other two weeks were me with fucking symptoms that just won't fucking go away, like coughing and sneezing and runny noses and the goddam inability to even fucking breathe. WTF?...

When I first entered university, there was a list of three things that I told to each of my new friends about me. That I a) was not very smart (which turned out to be so damn true), b) I had teeny tiny writing (not that that mattered, considering I stopped taking notes and attending classes two weeks into my first year), and that c)? That simply put, I fucking coughed a hell of lot for really no reason whatsoever...

... and sigh, I guess some things just never change...

Either way though, despite the fact that I've barely been able to talk in the past two weeks without first gasping for breath, I knew that there really wasn't much for me to do in the current part of the year anymore. What I mean is, television shows were now over, all my sports (that I gave a damn about) were finally done with, and yet I was still goddam unemployed, with the only remaining purpose in my life being to write goddam noname updates that nobody will ever read...

So what other choice did I have? Just out of sheer boredom, I started applying to paltry summer job positions, the same kind of shit as I did last year. The difference being that now, of course, I have work experience on my resume. And also I guess, the feeling that getting anything less than a real job is a fucking step down and almost an insult after all the things that have happened to me in the past few months alone...

Either way though, I sucked up my pride and got three quick summer job interviews out of it all...

... well, I didn't bother with the latter two...

About a week ago, I got a call from a small dotcom firm and they immediately gave me an interview. I had no fucking clue whatsoever why they were in such a damn rush, but they basically called me up one day, demanded that I go to an interview the next, and then what do you know?...

Well, the thing is, I didn't give a fucking shit about this interview. I barely even dressed up at all, pretty much going in business casual attire at best (although this being a dotcom firm, I was still one of the best dressed people at the place that I saw... go figure...)...

I walked in, coughing and wheezing like I have been for the past two weeks, and apologized to them that I was getting over a bad cold. Probably something closer to the pneumoniac plague though. Whatever...

They sit me down and start asking questions about my work experience. I lay it out for them as best as I can, that I did Web Development and Application Testing with Java and C# and .NET and SQL and all that bullshit crap from my days at the government. I go into a bit about my design project as well from school, considering it always sounds kickass to talk about DirectX and web-cameras and stuff like that (even if the final product did turn out like motherfucking shit in the end)...

I went into this whole spiel about shit that I had seen from their website. The company's "About Us" section talked about human interfaces and focusing on intuitive user GUIs and shit like that; so almost like a fucking reflex, that's the shit that I talked about in the interview. I said I believed in the idea of streamlining all the shit data from old legacy systems and managing it in a way that makes it natural for any regular user to search through and navigate. And hell, I probably sounded convincing when spewing all this bullshit out as well...

That's when the guy behind the interview desk simply stated, "yeah, that's not actually what we do here..."...

Huh? What? Pfft, oh whatever. Like I care...

So apparent my big speech backfired. The interviewers started talking about gaming, and how they were creating software to basically challenge Macromedia Flash out there for online 2D and 3D web applications. And none of this was on their website for some goddam reason, and I probably looked like an ass for saying all that nonsensical bullshit...

I was caught in the lie of fucking sucking up to them.

Whatever.

I was then asked how much experience I have with Direct X and 3D graphics and Javascript and crap like that. And since I didn't give one single damn about this summer job offer in the end, I became blatantly honest and obvious with them...

DirectShow? Meh, I've used it a bit for my design project using .NET and C#, but that's it. As for 3D graphics, the most I've used were dumbed down APIs that manipulate DirectX and OpenGL for me, as I've never touched those two fucking things inherently by themselves. I may be a gaming nerd, but I can't even make fucking Pac-Man as far as goddam graphics are concerned...

And as for Javascript, I flat out told them that I pretty much suck at it...

I repeat, I told them that I SUCK at it. Pretty much...

I kinda skipped around the issue, saying that my skills weren't that great since I've concentrated my entire life on object oriented programming instead (which isn't true either, but whatever), but I did admit that I have been using javascript since my high school days (which sadly is true, even if I hate the fucking language itself)...

And, well?... that's when the guys behind their desks changed their demeanor, for some goddam reason...

... I thought they were going to boot my out of the door like I fucking wanted, considering I just admitted that I SUCK at their job requirements...

But you know what they said instead?... ahem...

"We appreciate your candidness"...

Wait. WTF?...

That's when they started getting desperate, as if they wanted to suck my cock. And that's when I knew they were basically going to offer me the job, as I was slinking into the back of my chair in the hopes that I wouldn't have to turn them down...

They started asking about my availability date, if I'm alright with $16 an hour of pay, if I could tolerate using javascript 40 hours a week, if I might be willing to continue on in the company after my tenure is up, etc etc...

... uggh, goddammit...

I was hoping that after the interview, they would realize that I'm not quite qualified for the job. Afterall, I fucking TOLD them in the interview that I wasn't...

But sigh, I guess I wasn't really surprised when just an hour after I left their office, I got a call on the cell (not my cell, but my brother's) of whether or not I was willing to take the fucking job or not...

Fuck, that was quick...

And yes, I took the job. The pay isn't horrible for a summer position, and I wouldn't be able to face my parents down if I had fucking turned down yet another job offer. They still haven't forgiven me for the SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLAR debacle, don't you know...

I'm now a week into my new workplace, and while the job isn't terrible or anything, I just feel so meaningless there. We're all summer students at the place, and we get treated exactly as such. We're almost babied like kindergarten students, as it's not like we'd ever be considered equal in the eyes of the others. And why should we, as even I don't consider us summer guys as anything more than cheap ass beta testers who get paid for simple Quality Assurance work. Whatever...

I'll get used to the new job, I know. Even though my body is already killing me for having to wake up at seven in the fucking morning every single fucking day yet again... uggh, goddammit...

Still, if I can ever get a real job? Then I don't fucking care how bad it makes me look in the eyes of my new employers, but I will fucking give them my 14 days written notice and get out of that job as soon as possible...

I mentioned I had two other interviews for summer positions. I cancelled those before they happened, simply because I already had found a summer job. The other two may have been slightly more interesting in terms of web development and shit like that, but they probably would've required longer work hours. And they would've paid less in the end anyhew, so I really didn't give a damn shit about them...

What I do care about, is the fact that I have an interview with Rogers Communications this coming week. It's been a long fucking time coming, but they finally called me in for the fucking interview that I've been begging them a long time for. The sad thing is, I only got this chance at one of their minor QA positions because a friend of mine working at Rogers referred me. But it's about damn time that having a contact actually helped me out, so you're damn right I'm going to try my best to cash in on the favour. Afterall, I owe him a big ass IOU anyhew (wait, does that sound good?) just for getting me the interview in the first place, so I better not waste the goddam opportunity...

This job at Rogers is anything but glorious and anything but interesting in the end. The pay isn't great either, and quite pathetic compared to what I got at the government really. But hot damn, would I love working for a solid company like Rogers, especially if they grant me full time status. I'd finally feel like an equal again, and maybe fucking get a new car out of it too from my parents if I can't take the GO train to fucking work anymore like I am now...

You'd better believe that if I get that call from Rogers, unless they seriously give me a shitty ass contract offer, I will take their position and run with it. I respect my new dotcom employers for giving me a chance at the job I have now, and so far I think they can tell that I ain't bad at the position (I'm middle of the summer student pack in terms of ability, and it seems I'm the only one there who doesn't act like a completely stiff asshole so far). But if I get a full time position at Rogers, then I don't give a shit what it does to my rep at the company to leave one month into my new summer job...

I mean, sure I guess using their beta dotcom software to create virtual worlds and simplistic games is a decent job for any programmer, even if it focuses on fucking bloody hell javascript of all languages. As boring as it is to me, I can't really complain since I'm actually allowed to use my imagination and creativity for once...

But waking up every morning for a job that just feels far goddam below what I had before? It's kinda of demeaning, actually...

It's enough to make me sick, really...

... which is the last thing on my download update agenda, actually...

With television now out of the window until the fall season, I guess I had to get my nail-biting entertainment somewhere else, right?...

Almost immediately after getting the interview call from Rogers the other day, I got another call... this time for my doctor...

I had taken a blood-test last week. My arm is still fucking sore, as if some asshole had fucked the needle hole or some shit like that...

Either way though? My doctor needs to see me about my bloodwork results...

ASAP.

WTF?...

Let me guess. I'm a 24-year old virgin with AIDS. WTF?

... knock on wood...

Well, I probably am just anemic or have a ton of fucking weakass blood cells. That wouldn't be any sort of shocker, considering I can barely bench-press thirty fucking pounds on a good day, let alone the day I was fucking sick with this flu and had three vials of my fucking blood sucked out of me like a vampire...

Because it all sounds like so much fun, now doesn't it?...

Sneaking out for an interview during work next week, and finding out the soap opera secrets of my fucking blood tests, I mean?...

Pfft. I suppose that even with television now gone until the fall, I guess some things just never change...

Because fuck this shit.

I hate bloody hell cliffhangers.

Y2kk Update: Well, at least I'm laughing about it now...

Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life.

And what's special about today? Well, nothing much on paper, I guess...

... I guess my brother is leaving for his cliche, post-graduation Eurotrip, that's all...

I now have the house pretty much to myself again, just like it was during his school year...

The difference now being? The thing is, when he finally returns home in July? That's when he'll be starting his new job, almost right away. It's the start of his own new life, which means that he pretty much won't be a part of mine any longer...

... well, not the way he used to be, at least...

Bah, I felt the same way when he first left for university. Attachments to family are shit sometimes, don't you know...

Boo fucking hoo, right?...

It's just that, today is just a bit of a hallmark though. Today is simply the first day where I know nothing will be the same anymore like it used to be...

... and I guess today really is the first day where I really do have to fucking grow up...

Guess that means I've gotta get a fucking new job then...

Fucking goddammit...

...

Yeah, well. All for shits and giggles, eh?...

You remember that fucking time when I got a SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLAR job offer, accepted it, then got fucking screwed over by the very same manager who offered me the position in the first place? Yeah, good times...

Well, it seems that the very same fucking day that he fucked me over (or at least according to the date on top), he wrote me a kind little letter saying that a better candidate had been found for the job, and that he thanks me for having interest in the fucking workplace and position...

I just got the letter in last week...

... suffice to say, I was not amused...

What a fucking asshole of a bitter pill, don't you think? I don't know whether what he wrote in the letter was actually true or not, but if it was? That means that even though he had extended the fucking job offer to me that week, he decided to strip it all away because he was still fucking searching for better candidates in the meantime? Is that even allowed? WTF?...

Now, I know that as a company or whatever, that would be the smarter thing to do. Why bother just trying to hire a moron like me, when you can keep the big time search on for a real candidate who actually would be competent and willing to do the job?...

But still, smarter or not, it's just bad business on his behalf. And it definitely shows just what kind of miserable little, fat duck of a fucktard he really is in the end. Selfish son of a bitch...

If he really did find a better candidate than me during the week of my decision making, then not only did he completely screw our verbal agreement over, but it absolutely shows he has no concern for the feelings or well-being of anyone in his team or potentially anyone who may be on his team in the future...

I know I'm a young son of a bitch compared to his wrinkly old retiring ass, but really, why alienate potential future employees so fucking much? Does he not give a damn that he just gave a guy like me a horrible fucking impression of the workplace, and that eventually in the long run it may totally fuck him and his pension plan over? Or is he gonna croak soon and simply doesn't care who he shafts? Whatever...

I also got another chuckle from the mail last week. It seems that my old workplace decided to send me a fucking "exit work survey", which I'm supposed to fill out with answers about just how much I loved the workplace and shit like that...

Yeah, fucking right I will...

It's a fucking trap.

I ain't answering that shit. I don't feel like lying through my teeth in praising those assholes at my old workplace, don't you know...

Of course, I'm not dumb enough to actually write all the real bullshit that I do feel about my former colleagues. If I ever want the chance to work there again, I'd have to fucking suck up my pride in the fucking exit survey, considering it's actually people I know and people in HR power who would be getting the fucking survey back and reading it...

But you know, pride and all is good, but still?...

I'm now just getting concerned over what the fuck is going on with the job market right now. I mean, I knew that even with one year of experience on my resume, I'd still have trouble getting a fucking new job or some shit like that. But at least as a fucking University of Toronto recent graduate, I should be getting some fucking interviews from companies to pass the time...

... yet I've basically gotten nothing...

I did get an e-mail from some shady small-time company, saying that I can come in for an interview if I want. The problem was, also in the same e-mail, the guy clearly and openly outlined that he won't pay me by the hour or even by the job, but by "how many hours (he) thinks the job should require". WTF?...

Not only that, but he also claimed that if I don't finish each job he gives me within the very same day I'm given it, I will be automatically fired on the spot, no questions asked. WTF?...

I mean seriously, what the fuck kind of bullshit job is that? First of all, even for a job that takes me the whole of 24 hours to do, he can pay me just one hour's worth of work because he believes that's all it would take for a super genius Brainiac AI to accomplish it all? And WTF is with the complete lack of job security? I've never heard of a fucking company that fucking would fire potentially decent workers even a week into their employment, unless they completely work their asses off every fucking minute of the day...

So yeah, I turned down that interview offer, obviously... the job made no fucking sense whatsoever...

But I've gotten nothing since then. Not a single peep of a potential interview. What the fuck am I doing wrong?...

Not that I really care that much. I'm still enjoying my little time off from the shit that went on at both school and work before...

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting worried. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting embarrassed about it all...

It's just goddam ridiculous when you think about it, really. I had a fifty fucking thousand per year job going in a place where I thought my job would be fucking secure and safe. And yet here I am, or here I was just the other week, filling out applications for those goddam same minimum wage student jobs that I goddam applied for last fucking year...

Minimum fucking wage again... oh dear God...

I don't think I can even take beginning from the bottom all over again... not after all the bullshit I've been through in the past fucking year...

... might as well just work at fucking Blockbuster for the benefits or some shit like that...

I don't even think I'll be taken for these min wage jobs again. One little look at my resume, and people would realize that I'm fucking way too overqualified for the same shit like I did last summer... or the same shit that I applied to do last summer, at least...

I admit though, that my real job (for min wage) last summer actually was decent. The initial job description sounded meaningless, but the real position itself had no pressure yet a whole lot of learning and some cool software development tools to use, which all made the experience worthwhile in the end. Worthwhile I guess, even though I was basically almost working for free...

And I suppose it was a nice stepping stool into the actual workplace, and I'd love for history to repeat itself all over again...

... except for the being fired part, that is...

But I don't think it will. I don't think that history and lady luck will put on an encore performance, don't you know...

I'm not a student anymore, I've done the minimum wage thing before, I'm just too overqualified now, and therefore I'm just generally fucked overall from here on in. I'm neither inexperienced enough to qualify for these minimum wage jobs, nor experienced enough for any of the real jobs going around (now that all the graduate entry level jobs have pretty much already been filled out)...

I didn't really expect this to be the way my summer would be going... not a few months back, at least...

I am getting worried now, if only because I don't think it'd be good to have a fucking entire summer full of just unemployment insurance cheques... even though free tax money back really does kick all sorts of ass (as long as you have no scruples or pride whatsoever)...

And yes, I am getting worried...

... if only because today was supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life...

...

You know, I didn't even really do anything with my brother when he was here at home, waiting for his eurotrip...

I mean, probably my only real memory was of almost running him over with the fucking car. My parents had told us to try to push the fucking old and busted Ford Taurus back up the driveway, since it wouldn't turn on due to a faulty battery anymore, and it had slid down due to rain and snow and crappy ass brakes and shit like that...

Problem was, I forgot that the fucking driveway was at a fucking slant. I forgot about the fucking hill. So as soon as I shifted the car into neutral, I was actually dumbass enough to jump out of the car, ready to help my brother push the fucking thing back into position, when I then finally noticed the vehicle starting to roll down the hill, with my brother behind it almost running full speed backwards to get out of the way...

Oops...

I then heroically jumped back into the car after almost getting run over by the open front door myself, and slammed on the brakes with a fucking sigh of relief...

... nevertheless, my brother was not amused at my initial incompetence...

That's pretty much all we did together that I actually do give a damn about. Sure, there were movies and games and shopping and dinners and shit like that along the way, but that's the kind of stuff that him and I will still be able to do when he comes back from his trip. We can still hang out, treat each other to meals and golf, and just generally be friends...

It's just that, I just don't know whether we will still be brothers anymore, you know?...

Bro's before ho's. Since I've never been fucked by a girl, I guess that's my new motto...

But bah, whatever. I always get over-sentimental when I've got absolutely nothing better to do in life...

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

Well, I suppose it always is...

... the first day of the fucking rest of your life, I mean...

Y2kk Update: Hey, guys.

Wanna hear an embarrassing story?...

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Seriously.

... because I sure as hell ain't laughing about it still...

You remember that job offer I got earlier this week? The one where I would be a senior programmer analyst, a position which I clearly did not deserve and clearly did not have any confidence in myself to do whatsoever?...

You know, the position for which during the interview, I was told directly not once but actually twice by the manager, that I simply did not have neither the skills nor the experience nor the fucking qualifications required for the goddam job?...

Yeah, well?... sigh...

... fond memories...

That sure as hell was a riot...

... even moreso when two weeks late, the asshole actually called me back...

The thing is, I got the job offer on Monday, as my download update below quite numerously states. I knew in my heart and gut the moment that he told me "congratulations", that something was amiss. Why else would the fucker call me back two fucking weeks after the cut-off date for selecting the winning candidate? If anything, either he couldn't find an employee he actually did like (and went for me due to potential), or every other fucking candidate on his fucking list turned him the fuck down...

And why wouldn't they? The fucking job in actuality was nothing like it was posted in the first place. The ad mentioned front-end and middleware-tier work, not the fucking ancient bullshit of COBOL and IBM mainframes and shit like that which he was praising and honouring without end during the fucking interview...

Basically, what was advertised in the newspapers was a real programmer's job...

But what the job actually was, was the goddam garbage chute of the goddam programming world...

A fucking dead-end job. For old programmers now looking for a fucking decent salary and fucking stability until they finally roll over and die...

I walked out of that interview, not just completely demoralized (and laughing) from the fact that the manager flat out told me to my face twice that I wasn't worth his time or effort, but shaking my head at the poor soul who would end up taking this job in the end. It sounded awful, like a fucking retirement pension plan for old employees who actually worked with COBOL back in the 60's and 70's...

And then what do you know?...

Two weeks late, he called me back...

... and I got the job offer...

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

...

Regardless of whether I was actually the first or even the last fucking candidate selected from the manager's fucking list, the prospect of a guaranteed job that pays SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS per year was more than just enticing to me. Sure, the guy over the phone was acting fishy as fucking hell, but what other job offers (or interviews) did I really have to fall back on? What choice did I really have?...

And the thing was, the way that the manager guy was making it sound over the phone? It was as if he was doing me a favour, changing around the job so that it would be dealing with mostly front and middle-tier programming languages in the end, and only barely touching on the fucking primitive COBOL bullshit that he talked about non-stop in the interview...

He actually made the job sound decent, completely unlike in the interview...

He said that the backend IBM mainframe crap would be "handled". But what the fuck does that mean?...

I mean, it's not that I didn't trust the guy...

It's just that?...

No, wait. That's it.

I really didn't trust the guy...

Why the fuck would he completely change the job description? Was it because nobody else would take the job? Was it because he saw how young I was, and figured that I might be worth keeping (even after he fucking told me straight to my face that I was a worthless piece of shit)? Was he mandated by a superior to at least put a patsy into the office place, a quiet guy would just fill up space which all the older people could pick on as a fucking rookie?...

What the fuck was his real agenda? Why call me? Why call me more than two weeks late? Why call me for the same damn job title, yet a completely different job description? Why the fuck would he offer me SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS, when he fucking waved and brushed me off in the interview as if I was his illegitimite child?...

WTF?...

...

I had a hard choice to make... and I couldn't make my choice immediately then and there over the phone...

I asked for a "couple" of days to think about it. He said sure, and then told me congratulations again over the phone, as if he completely forgot that he had already destroyed all my confidence in the fucking bullshit interview that we had...

My parents thought that my decision was a no brainer. I mean, how the fuck can you pass over SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS a year plus an important, quasi title like "Senior Programmer Analyst", am I right? Especially when I didn't have any other job offers on the table, let alone even another fucking interview at the time (and still don't, by the way)...

A big time job had just been handed to me on my lap with a fucking cherry on top. How the fuck often does that ever happen?...

The thing is though, I didn't trust this guy. I didn't trust the manager at all...

"This job sucks".

That's exactly what I thought when leaving the interview room that day. And that's exactly the feeling I got when the guy was congratulating me over the phone...

I don't want to waste the next six or seven months of my life, potentially doing fucking COBOL maintenance shit on an ancient IBM mainframe that was already obsolete back when Michael Jackson was still fucking black...

My parents just don't understand the concept that sometimes, you just want a job that either you a) enjoy, or b) actually helps your career in the long run...

Obviously, I wouldn't enjoy this job. That much is a fact. Although I do admit, the manager over the phone did make it sound much more enticing than he ever did in the fucking interview itself...

But the thing is, unless he was actually honest and serious over the phone, how I will be using ASP VB6 for the front-end and Microsoft SNA for the middle-end? The thing is, if the job actually turns out to be the fucking same as outlined in the fucking interview, that means I will have wasted my next six or seven fucking months of my life on fucking COBOL, a language so out of date that it actually looks bad to put onto any modern technical resume...

It's like if you wanted to be a MD doctor, yet you chose to spend half of a year working at a McDonald's. Would you really put that shit on your resume, if the job before the McDonald's was a fucking pediatrician or some shit like that?...

Sure, I can lie on my resume, claiming that the job really was about ASP and SNA, even if all I ever really do is sit behind a desk and type in fucking DOS-prompt commands for fucking useless COBOL. But what about future contacts? What about companies checking references? Can I really pull off a convincing lie in an interview such as that?...

I seriously have no poker face. No lie...

What about actually learning something from a job? What possible use can there be for a young graduate like me, if the job itself really is just pushing a fucking blinking gren button on the screen before me? How the fuck would COBOL of all derivative languages, actually help me learn hibernation in Java or how to properly optimize Visual Studio .NET 2005? Sure, I can try to practice all this shit on my own at home, but what use really is a job if I learn nothing of use from it?...

A bit idealist? Perhaps... but at this early stage of my career, I ain't desperate enough to just take any goddam job...

And the fact of the matter is, do I even have confidence in doing such a job? Sure, I can pull off the old ASP and SNA parts I'm sure, considering I've done ASP.NET and CORBA in the past. But can I really learn fucking JCL and COMTI and fucking COBOL all in a span of a couple fucking weeks on my own, considering the fucking manager wanted to plug me into a terminal at work ASAP?...

The thing is, I'm only twenty fucking four years old. And I will be working with a team of fourteen people, the average age of which will be over fucking forty I'm sure (I took a good look at the workers in the office while I was there)...

Sure, at my old place, I worked with forty and fifty year olds just plain fine. But that was a business HR oriented sort of place, where I was no fucking threat to anyone but the ancient I&IT guys (who screwed me over in the end, might I add)...

But here, at the new place? I would be a 24-year old fucking "Senior Programmer Analyst", essentially the fucking boss of thirty, forty and even fucking fifty year olds. To make matters even worse and more hostile for my arrival, I will be given a fucking senior position after just one fucking year (or less) of total work experience, when the people I will be barking orders to have been working for ten or fucking twenty years of their fucking lives while hoping to ever get a fucking position like mine...

Would anyone honestly expect me to get a fucking warm welcome from any of these old farks of farts? Hell, if politics were what fucked me over at my old workplace, than I'd hate to be the boss of things at the new place...

How the fuck am I supposed to learn the job then? Shall I try asking all my fellow employees of 40 years of age how to fucking even get started with the fucking ancient COBOL language? I have absolutely ZERO experience with IBM mainframes, and I will look like a completely dunce of an asswipe if as a "Senior Programmer Analyst", I have to go asking my own lackeys for basic fundamental help all the time...

Would they even help me? Sure, I think it's kind of paranoid to just assume that everyone at the new office would be out to get me. But how the fuck am I supposed to think they'd react if a fucking 24-year old nobody was suddenly given a position that they themselves have been coveting for years, if not decades?...

A little animosity, perhaps? And yet I'd expect them to go out of their way to fucking help me? I'd just be lucky if they ignored me and didn't try to sabotage me, of all damn things...

You have to earn respect over time. I don't think I can earn it in just two fucking weeks...

If I took the job, not only would it be detrimental to my resume (potentially, unless my manager wasn't lying about the new and altered job description), not only would I waste half a year of my life on the fucking ancient language of COBOL (and learn nothing from it, as a result)? Not only am I sure that I would absolutely hate the job at hand, providing that I will be mainly doing fucking maintenance on ancient shit that I couldn't give two fucking shits about?...

But the work environment would be just so fucking bad as well. Not only are the cubicles the size of fucking foot stools, not only are there barely any windows visible, not only is my manager already proving to be a shifty son of a bitch already?... But the fact that I will be one of the top members of a fourteen person team? A 24-year old with no work experience and no fucking confidence whatsoever, commanding a team of fucking forty and fifty year old farts? How the fuck is that supposed to work?...

I will have no respect in the office place, and no room for error. I would have to learn completely new bullshit in the first week or so of the job, just to even look remotely competent. And my gut was warning me about this all last week, that I just wasn't prepared for this kind of responsibility at this stage of my career...

I didn't earn this. I don't deserve this...

Hell, even my manager stated all that twice to my face before shoving me out of the interview door...

... before apparently offering me the job three fucking weeks later...

But with no other job offers on the table, and with SIXTY FUCKING FOUR THOUSAND up for grabs before me?...

... what other choice did I really have?...

...

I had a hard choice to make. I could either a) take the job, hate it and regret the decision for the next six fucking months (or potentially even longer if it does end up ruining my resume), or b) turn it down and regret that decision even more thanks to my fucking parents and the fact that I turned down?...

... ahem...

SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...

WTF?!?...

I'm damned if I do, fucked if I don't...

I mean, how many university students can really say that they got a job offer for a senior position and SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS right out of the graduation gate?...

Then again, how many students can really claim that they turned down an offer for SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS right after graduation? Kinda enticing, as that's a statement in its own right. As I for one certainly did not think I ever would ever be given the chance to do so...

I had a ton of questions in my mind, even after calling a whole bunch of contacts from my old work and asking for their advice. And the only true way to potentially get the answers that I sought, was to go straight back to the source of the belly of the fat ass beast...

So on Wednesday morning, I called the manager guy with a clean slate and a sheet of paper readied with questions at hand...

When he answered and after I had reintroduced myself, he immediately asked if I had made a decision on the taking the job or not yet...

I calmly told him that I had not quite arrived at a decision yet, and asked him if I could get my answer to him by tomorrow (Thursday) at the latest. The thing was, contrary to what I fucking expected, he seemed fucking shocked and pissed off that I would dare ask for more time. WTF?...

He immediately asked in a serious tone, "may I ask why you're taking so long to make your decision?"

And what the fuck was I going to say? I was completely taken back from the fact my manager didn't even have the patience to wait one more day for me to make a potentially life changing decision, so the only thing that came to mind to reply back was?...

... ahem...

"I had some interviews in the past week with private companies"...

... and, umm... huh?...

Was that a good thing to say? I really don't fucking know...

It was the first thing to come to mind. It was the only thing to come to mind... even if it was all a lie...

He certainly didn't seem happy though. He seemed rather goddam pissed off that I was considering other places rather than taking his goddam job offer right off the bat...

Either way, I moved on with the start of my questions...

First, I asked him for more details on the ASP frontend, SNA middleware, and the COBOL backend parts of the project. He had claimed that I would be working mostly on the ASP and SNA sides first, and then "eased" into the COBOL end of things in our Monday conversation, right? I was just testing here and now whether he was being honest or not back then, that's all...

I mean, it's not that I didn't trust the guy or anything...

No, wait. That's it.

I really, really, ridiculously didn't trust the guy...

And the thing is, I must've really pissed this guy off from my questions and comments here or some shit like that. Because just like during our interview all these weeks ago? He suddenly wasn't sugar coating anything anymore. He was just telling it like he is, brutal and honest as he is...

He told me flat out this time around, that the ASP frontend only has minimal maintenance work to do, and that I probably wouldn't even touch the SNA side except in emergencies. He then almost angrily started pointing out that I would be hired for the COBOL side almost exclusively, and then ranted on and on about how extensive the database is and how a new release of COBOL code has to be finished within the next few weeks or so...

Meaning what? Meaning, he was trying to fuck me over on Monday when re-advertising this goddam job to me as a godsend...

... or as a personal gift from him to me, that is...

So my suspicions were confirmed correct. The COBOL side wasn't "handled", since it was obvious from hearing him here and now that just like in the interview, it would end up being my goddam primary job focus. And being "eased" into it over time must've just been some fake, lard ass lie of his as well on Monday, considering he was hiring me basically for the new release of the backend software which had a deadline coming up in just a few weeks...

So how the fuck am I supposed to learn COBOL and the IBM mainframe shit so fucking quickly enough to actually contribute to his fucking required efforts? I would be a 24 year old senior programmer analyst working with jealous ass 40 year olds in lesser positions, and yet he expects me of all people just to pick up an archaic language from the goddam 1960's in a few days flat? WTF?...

Now, my next question was completely valid if you ask me. But alas, this is the one that my parents have been blaming me so fucking much for over the past couple of days since the goddam incident...

They keep complaining that I should always just shut up, do as I'm told, and never question authority. WTF?...

But goddammit, all I simply asked was, "can I get formal training"? For the COBOL and backend side of things, I mean...

And isn't that a valid question? I mean, every employee is entitled to fucking formal training at the initial cost of the employer. If the mananger really wanted me as an employee and really did see potential in me, why not fucking give me formal training so I can actually excel at my job right from the get go (and potentially be kept on in the long term)? WTF?...

And considering that in my interview for this job twice, this very same manager told me right to my fucking face that I did not have the qualifications nor the skills required for the job description (which apparently, hadn't changed a damn bit despite his lies over the phone on Monday)? Is it really so wrong for me then, to just fucking ask for a week or two of fucking formal training?...

But according to him though? Apparently so...

He went almost irate at my request. He simply chortled, flabbergasted as he stomped and stormed his fucking feet, and retorted back, "why would you need formal training? You can just ask your colleagues for pointers and advice"...

Umm, he does know that I'll be starting on COBOL and COMTI from basically scratch, right? He does know that I wouldn't have a clue what's going on, right? And no amount of fucking advice or pointers from co-workers that I can't trust would ever be enough to change that. He does know that, right?...

But before I left, I asked just one more simple question...

"Before I start working, is it alright if I take one week off (the week of May 1st) for personal reasons? I have family moving overseas"...

Okay, so that was a bit of a lie. While I do have some friends moving back to their home countries this week now that fourth year university exams are finally over, I really just wanted one more week to relax at home and shit like that...

And also, the thing was? If I really was going to take this fucking job with none of the fucking COBOL skills required whatsoever, you're damned right I would spend at least a week at home researching tutorials on the net on just how the fuck to do my job. I will not walk into a senior position knowing absolutely nothing, otherwise that would just be just goddam suicide. And just one fucking week can't be much to ask, just to learn fucking COBOL and shit like that on my own, when normally it takes two fucking weeks to just file the employee paperwork in the first place?...

But once again, the manager was taken aback, outraged as he demanded, "why would you need another week off of work?"...

Alas, the thing is I had told him during the interview that I had just finished my contract at the government, so he knew I was just sitting at home. And his negative reaction to all the questions I asked above, are exactly the reasons why my parents are now hounding me so...

Either way though? Despite the fact that he was making me feel like a total piece of shit yet again?...

Well, I still politely (I hope) told him then and there, "thank you for answering my questions and putting my mind in ease. I will give you my decision by the end of the day", since he seemed so fucking adverse from me taking even a fucking extra day or two to decide...

And, well?... he simply replied in an obviously annoyed tone, "I won't be in the office for the rest of the day. Call me back tomorrow"...

*Click*...

... and with that, the guy just hung up on me...

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MANAGER IS HE?

... what the fuck would I be getting myself into?...

WTF?...

...

Okay, the pros and cons of taking this job...

First, the cons...

I don't have the skills, qualifications nor fucking work experience required for this job.

I wouldn't have a goddam clue what the fuck I'd be doing at my desk.

... I guess that's a big one...

Second, I'd be a 24-year old "senior programmer analyst", walking into a hostile environment of 40-year old workers in lesser positions...

I wouldn't be given any formal training. I'd be completely left to learn and fend for myself, with no-one my own age for protection.

I'd be walking into a pure I&IT environment, where nobody fucking knows or cares about your name.

Travel would be a pure bitch, almost two hours on public transit both ways (if not longer due to rush hour traffic).

I would hate the job at hand. I hate COBOL, I hate IBM mainframes, and I originally wanted to avoid this shit for the eternity of my life...

I wouldn't really gain anything on my resume. Having COBOL for seven months on your resume, no matter your job title, is like saying you were a fucking bus driver for half a year of your life as far as the modern technical world is concerned...

And oh yes, I already hated my manager...

Touche...

But then again, the pros?...

I would be making SIXTY FUCKING FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS...

I would be secure in a job, rather than approaching the uncertain summer where almost no job offers are available...

And also, my parents would be proud of me...

... or at least, they wouldn't be shitting on me like they are now...

But let's face fucking facts here. When you don't have any other job offers on the table, and not even any interviews in the foreseeable future? Who in their fucking right mind would ever turn down SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS?...

And thus, everybody has a price...

... as evidently, this manager has found mine...

...

So on Thursday morning, as requested? I called back my manager...

He picked up the phone...

... and after I reintroduced myself?...

I simply sighed...

... both in reservation, and in relief?...

"Thank you. I'll take the job"...

... and that was it...

... or so I had thought...

That's when he immediately replied...

"You won't take the job?"

He almost seemed happy and hoping and giddy at the prospect...

I corrected him though.

"No, I will take the job"...

"Oh..."

He seemed resigned to the fact... things didn't sound good...

He then sucked it up and asked me...

"May I ask what took you so long to come to a decision?"

Once again, he asked the same question, as if less than one fucking week was actually a long time to make a potentially life altering decision...

So what else could I say but reiterate the same damn answer I gave the day before?...

"Oh, just some interviews last week with private companies. But they were just interviews..."...

My voice sort of trailed off there as I spoke...

I then asked him for more job details...

"Would it be alright if I take one week off for personal reasons, as discussed?"...

He didn't even hesitate.

"Sure."

That was easy... almost too easy...

I then asked about contract details, and when I should sign my name...

And that's when he said something so damn suspicious, that it will forever be etched like stone into my mind...

... ahem...

"It turns out that I may not be your manager afterall. Let me clear the details with your real manager first"...

*Click*...

And with that, my new manager (or was he?) fucking hung up the phone...

The thing is, I instantly knew something was amiss. Why the hell would someone who wouldn't be my manager, first of all conduct my interview, then call back to congratulate me for getting the job, then continually deal with me over job specs and contract negotiations? WTF?...

Is there really another manager? I really don't think so. So WTF was this guy smoking?...

One hour later, almost to the minute, almost as if it were timed?...

... the manager guy calls me back...

And the first thing he muttered, before I could even usher a hello out of my mouth?...

"I'm sorry, but there's been a misunderstanding. The other manager has just reviewed your resume, and found that you are not qualified for the job. The offer is no longer on the table. I'm sorry."

... umm... what?...

I asked him if that "other" manager thought I could eventually become qualified with training. I also asked why I was selected for the job in the first place if I wasn't qualified (since the manager guy told me twice to my face in the interview about all this shit already, three weeks before goddam selecting me, mind you)...

I should've asked for the name and number of that goddam "other" manager, calling the bluff...

... but goddammit, at the time?... it just never came to mind...

I seriously have no poker face. No fucking poker face whatsoever. WTF?...

Either way though, my manager wouldn't have responded. He simply ignored all the questions that I did ask, said he was "busy", and that was it...

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Good luck with your continued job search"...

*Click*...

... and, umm...

That was it...

... that's all she wrote...

That's all the fat lard ass manager would sing...

... and, umm... wait?...

What?

What?!?

What the fuck?

SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?

GONE?!?

ALL GONE?!?

GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS (... or minutes)?!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?...

I say again...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?

...

Goddammit.

Sixty four thousand dollars...

Sixty four fucking thousand dollars...

... all gone like that...

How many university students can really say that they got a sixty four fucking thousand dollar job right out of graduation?...

Then again, how many students can really claim that they actually turned down an offer for a sixty four fucking thousand dollar job?...

The thing is, I must be even more of a rare breed than either of those goddam two selections up above...

Because I was wrong. I thought I only had the choice between two fucking options...

But apparently, there was a third fucking choice...

... the third fucking eye...

There's always a third fucking choice...

... though not much of a "choice" there, alas...

Because honestly? How many university graduates get a job for SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS right out of the gate, and then get fucking fired from it on the very same fucking day? WTF?...

I say again...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?...

Was there really another manager? It doesn't make sense. Why would a guy who is not my manager be the one to interview me, hand pick me for the position, call me over the phone to offer me the job, and then also be the one to tell me to fuck off?...

Unless he's a fucking fat ass, schizophrenic or some shit like that...

Which may not be that far off from the truth, considering that the very same insane man told me twice to my face during the fucking interview that we had, that I was a waste of his time and that I did not have neither the skills nor the qualifications for the fucking senior programmer analyst position at hand...

And yet he still offered me the job on Monday, only to rescind the offer less than a fucking week later while stating straight to my face yet again, that simply put? I do not have the skills nor the qualifications for the fucking job at hand? WTF?...

First of all, it was completely unprofessional for a guy to extend a job offer and then take it away after the poor, confused kid on the other end actually decides to accept it. How many times does that ever fucking happen in the field?...

Second, why the fuck would he hire me in the first place if he knew I didn't have the skills nor qualifications to do the fucking job from the fucking interview? I knew it, and he knew it. I either needed formal training or a fucking miracle of a COBOL tutorial to even remotely be able to get anything done on the job in my first couple of weeks there. And yet he went almost berzerker and the fat and the furious on me as soon as I asked for either of those two goddam options. WTF?...

I almost get the impression that he thought he was doing me a favour by offering me this job. He sounded so damn smug over the phone on Monday (and half desperate for a place-holder worker as well), seeming so damn overconfident that I would be so damn gracious for this job offer on the table that I didn't deserve...

He probably thought he was giving me a gift, a $1250 per week job that I didn't earn that he was just handing to me on a goddam silver platter...

And judging from the ghastly way he gnashed his teeth when I made just a few suggestions or fucking negotiations over the phone on Wednesday? He just sounded like he was so fucking shocked and possibly even insulted that I was having a hard time deciding to take his glorious gift of a job or not, he just seemed so damn disgusted that I didn't welcome his offer with open arms? That he just said "screw it" and fucked me over by rescinding the goddam job offer in the fucking end...

WTF?

Is he really that man-childish? Is he really that spiteful and fucking retarded?...

WTF?...

Now, I know in my heart that I would've hated working for him...

He was an asshole in the interview, and a gluttonous piece of shit over the phone...

... but fucking goddammit...

Who here can really turn down that kind of money?...

... the price is right, bitch... sadly...

Or even better? Who here really gets to take that job, and gets fired and fucked over on the very same fucking day?...

Really, I'd like to know.

Really.

...

Either way though, my parents have been hounding me non-stop over this incident. They're blaming me for making "demands" over the phone to the manager, claiming I should've just taken the job right away on Monday when the offer was first extended...

Sure, I'm kicking myself for losing out on so much fucking money, plus the added job title and goddam security from working at a place like that...

But my parents just don't give a damn about the way I feel, or the way I would have felt if I had worked in a place like that...

Aren't they concerned even the least bit, that a complete jackass like him would be my manager?

Aren't they concerned at all that not only would I absolutely hate the job, but that I wouldn't have a clue how to fucking do it in the first place? Worse than even that, considering I hate COBOL, I wouldn't even want to learn how to fucking do the job in the first place...

The reason I was hesitant over the phone to take the fucking job, was because I was fucking confused over why the fuck I of all people was picked. I do not have the age nor the experience to be a senior programmer analyst, and I do not have the skills nor the will to obtain the fucking ancient scrolls of skills for such a fucking backwards-technological job in the first place...

But yes, I admit it. If there is anything I truly regret over the past week, it's that I simply did not put on a poker face when talking over the goddam phone...

I was nervous and confused as hell, alright? I was a wreck. And I clearly sounded like it, considering my manager kept throwing me in a loop every single goddam time he almost pulled a fucking fat temper tantrum over the phone at my questions...

I was supposed to hold my ground and instill confidence in the fucking manager. I did not, and I sounded like a complete pussy of a wuss in the process...

I just can't put up a fucking front. I was just completely fucked over the very moment that my manager demanded to know just why I was taking so damn long for my fucking job decision in the first place...

I can't think on my feet, really. I just can't...

I was wounded. He could smell it. Motherfucking fat ass shark...

It's only natural that the manager asshole picked up from my voice that either a) I didn't really want the job, or b) that I was going to leave the job for a better (private) place. It was fucking obvious as shit that I was a little fucking piece of chicken shit then and there, don't you know...

So for all I know? Maybe he did me a favour...

Maybe he knew I couldn't turn down so much fucking money, so he made the decision for me?...

Maybe he purposely did for me what would be better for my goddam career in the long run?...

... maybe I should thank him?...

Pfft...

... yeah, fucking right...

An asshole is an asshole. I knew that going into the interview three weeks ago, and I realize that now more than ever before...

Seriously, I got fucking screwed. I'm now filled with regret. I'm second guessing everything I fucking did and said...

And now my parents fucking hate me for it...

Whatever.

... so yeah, I guess there's my embarrassing story of the week for you...

To gain a fucking major ass job, and lose it all in the very same fucking day...

Honestly, how the fuck often does that ever happen?...

Really. I want to know.

Really.

... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

So stop me here and now if you've heard this one before...

Seriously.

... because I sure as hell ain't laughing about it still...