Y2kk Update: I just spent $100 on gifts and lunches for other people in the past two days alone, and I ain't exactly happy about that...

Hell, even when I treated my father to his 60th birthday banquet the other month, my share of the pot wasn't worth that damn much...

Anyhew, I treated my supervisor at work to a lunch yesterday, as sort of a thank you for all that he's done for me. And yes, he's done a hell of a lot, as he'll go down as one of the few people in my life that I really do feel I owe a heck of a lot to...

This was sort of his swan song. He'll be gone in two weeks, off for his new job of being a senior project architect or manager or whatever for some huge ass database project. So where does that leave me?...

Well, there's a reason why I treated my parents and my grandparents out to a lavish lunch this morning... if you can count dirt cheap dim sum, in a dirty ol' Chinese restaurant as anything "lavish", that is...

... because, the thing is?...

I got promoted at work.

Didn't really think it would happen... I mean, I knew they would keep me around. But I didn't think they'd actually give me the position...

Now no, it's not like I've exactly taken over my supervisor's vacant position, it's not like I've been made a full time employee or anything, and it's not like I'll be making the 60 grand or whatever that he got to enjoy in his role...

The reason being, my branch has a cap on how many full time employees that they can have at work. And the thing is, there's this little .NET program out there on the intranet, that calculates on a private web service how many full time employees that each branch is allowed to hire each year... and of course, for my branch, the program reads zero...

Damn the programmer who made that program! Damn him to fucking hell...

... oh wait... that was me... shit...

Can't see shit, captain...

Can I at least fudge the number up or some shit like that?... fuck...

Well of course, before I came to work at my branch, they had custom Excel and Access programs that calculated the same stuff that my shit now does. I just made it into a web service accessible to the big wigs throughout the entire branch with a click of a button, that's all... so it's not like my numbers don't go unchecked before they go public to the bosses 24/7... dammit...

The thing is, because of this full time employee limit rule, my boss at work initially only offered me a one month contract extension. They couldn't get around this FTE issue, but needed to keep me onboard to try to make the next deadline for the huge ass project that my supervisor was leaving behind... Even though it would take months to make that deadline thanks to all the training I'd need, they only promised me one more month at my current crap wage. I mean, they didn't even offer me any incentives, like any goddam benefits or bonuses or whatever...

But what else could I do? I offered to take the extension at my current hourly wage, and was ready to sign the contract extension in blood the very next day...

The following morning though, my boss didn't come to me with the old contract... I got a smile and some fucking decent news for once instead...

Turns out, they came up with a plan. I will be given a new contract that extends all the way to the middle of March, and ends right before the fiscal year ends. Because I'm both on contract before the deadline, and unemployed by the time of the deadline, I won't show up as a full time employee or whatever sort of crap on that shitty ass program of mine... After March hits, my branch may get a new limit of full time employees they can hire. And they offered to me that either I get a better contract by that point, or I get to be a full time employee...

... so all I have to be is patient... I can live with that, I suppose...

And to keep me happy and quaint until March hits, though? They gave me a raise...

... they gave me a fucking raise...

... and a fucking promotion...

Now, it's still a far cry from the 60K my supervisor is probably getting now, or the 70-80K he'll probably be getting at his new senior position...

... but shit, considering I was making 39K a day ago, and fucking minimum wage as a student in the summer?...

... fuck... suddenly, even without benefits?... my new 48K a year ain't looking so damn bad...

It's what I wanted, right? 48K is the minimum in any branch for an IT job position... Sure, it's still only an entry level commission. But hot damn, at least I get the honour and pride of actually moving up in the working world for once, for the first time really. And it sure does feel sweet while it's fresh and hot off the goddam presses... not to mention the goddam pressure...

I get to sign my new contract on Monday. I'm still disappointed that I won't get any vacation time off without pay, but at least there's some clause in there that may let me take some extra time off during Christmas week with minimal losses in income or whatever... I'll make sure to ask those questions when the new contract comes rolling in two days from now...

Until then? Yeah, I spent over a hundred bucks on food and gifts in the past two days. But at least I'm getting an extra eight thousand bucks a year now at least... I can only hope they move me up in March, to the 50-52K that entry level developers make as full time employees. And at least, this whole FTE thing may have worked to my advantage, as a shorter contract gives me far more flexibility than the one year albatross of a vacation-less deal that I was scared I would be shoe-horned into signing my soul onto...

Yeah, one hundred bucks down the drain... I ain't so happy about that...

... but I got promoted...

Five months into my first ever job, and I got promoted...

... that calls for a celebration...

So let's just see how much more cash I waste and whine about this coming week, now shall we?...

Y2kk Update: There ain't much to talk about this week. I mean, since when have I ever had anything important to say?...

I am at a cross-roads in my career, at least...

Well, to be honest, I can't call it much of a crossroads, considering this is the first real fucking job that I've ever had that I'm talking about here. And I've only been at it for just goddam five months by this point, and yet I'm already suffering a goddam mid-life crisis...

And what exactly is my crisis?...

Bleh... for once, I actually think I don't want to leave my job...

Weird, no?...

My current contract ends this coming week. And I still haven't gotten another offer on the table...

Now, I've talked to my supervisors and some of my more elite coworkers at my workplace. And they all give me hints that they want to keep my around, but that perhaps there ain't room in the budget for somebody with my lack of experience... I get the feeling at times, that they're just all playing the political game on me. They're all used so used to smiles and cheers, considering they've been hanging around this place for goddam decades in some cases, and often for good reason and measure...

... I want my severance package, goddammit...

The thing is though, there's a vacant position at my workplace, directly related to my line of work...

... considering it is my line of work, really...

I knew coming into this job, that something felt a little off about my supervisor. He's a great guy who really took me under his wing, but I almost got the impression that he was grooming me for his position... that I would turn out to be his replacement, ala a Men in Black sort of vibe sort of thing (before that god-awful sequel, that is)...

I just didn't expect him to leave this goddam soon, that's all...

Turns out he just got promoted. He's moving into a really high profile job in about two weeks, and moving out of my building as well...

Which means what? Which means, somebody's gotta take over his current job position... or at least I'd assume so, considering he has about three major projects still just hanging there in limbo...

Working in the HR division here, I've seen it time and time again, that the government always selects an employee that's already inside the government, over even a highly skilled and experienced worker from the private sector. Maybe it's just because of all the paper work involved, but here where I work, everything is just so tightly knit and guarded against outsiders...

The only question is, will my bosses pick me over any of the other programmers in the government that they can choose from, to back-fill my supervisor's position for at least the next goddam year?...

Let's face facts here - I just don't have the experience required for his job. Sure, the programming and developer aspects of his position aren't very hard at all, especially since he's personally shown me his projects and how he was handling them in the first place... But what about all those meetings with top level managers that he constantly has? It took him three years to get to the level of respect he has now from the powers that be. And do my own managers really expect me to be able to sweat it out, if I was just thrown in there with the sharks and wolves?...

Of course, out of all possible candidates, not only am I already in the fucking office (with no need to move) and already have an expiring contract to resolve, but I'm also really the only candidate who has had hands-on experience with my supervisor's work and work ethic for the past five or so goddam months...

What does that all mean really?...

I don't know... except for maybe that I'm at a goddam crossroads in life...

Either way, whether I get the job or not, I don't really care much. They would never give me a full time position with benefits like I want (just a year contract instead, I'd assume), considering all the paper work and budget costs involved. And at this point, I sure as hell wouldn't mind just hibernating through the goddam winter season...

But still, sigh... I've sadly gotten used to waking up at 7 in the morning each and every day. And I've sadly gotten used to actually getting a decent paycheck for once, and wondering how the hell I can safely invest all that goddam money of mine...

Sure, there ain't much to talk about this week. I mean, since when has anything meaningful ever happened in my life?...

But goddammit, this next week of mine nevertheless will define my goddam path in life for the next damn year or two or so...

Unemployment insurance, here I fucking come.

Y2kk Update: I hit another fucking car today...

Parked vehicles - my one true, Achilles Heel...

How did you know?...

Fuck...

I mean seriously, how the hell did it happen today?...

My mother was doing the nice thing, buying me my monthly GO train pass for the next month (even though there's a chance that it may go to waste, if I only end up working half the month as my current contract states). She didn't need to pay for the thing, considering I have plenty of money just sitting there in my bank account to pay for it myself. But she tagged along anyhew, just to be the kind mother that she often tries to be...

Fuck. I wish she hadn't have come today...

The thing is, whenever she's around, I try to park as close to our destination as possible in the parking lot... I mean, after hitting that fucking parked car in a local shopping centre a year ago, I've normally parked as far away from the other cars as humanly possible, just so that I could never flirt with disaster again. Or at least, that's how I do it whenever I don't have a passenger around...

For the past year though, whenever my mom has been around, I have been as careful as goddam possible when it comes to parking my car between two other vehicles. And the thing is, as dumbshit as this always makes me feel, I also always try to park as close to our destination as possible, just so that my mom wouldn't need to walk very far... even if it means parking in a fucking cramped parking spots on both sides, like I motherfucking did today...

... fuck...

Now, ironically enough, getting into the fucking parking spot was no problem. Sure, it took me three fucking tries to straighten our my fucking minivan enough to get directly into the middle of the spot, but I still somehow did it... I was as cautious as ever when it came to the sides of my car. I was not going to let myself make the same mistake twice, as I haven't even remotely touched another car with mine since that fucking accident a year ago...

But fucking shockingly enough, it was when I was fucking leaving the parking spot that I fucking ended up hitting the corner of the other fucking car's bumper...

Maybe I turned too quickly when it came to reversing, as often I am too concerned about potential pedestrians behind me than I am with what's still in fucking front of me... Then again, I was in an incredible narrow spot. The cars on both sides were so fucking close to my minivan, that I could barely even fit out of my door on my side, and my mother could barely even step out of her fucking sliding door on the other... And thinking back, that car parked to my left was a little too far out of the parking space, if you know what I mean. The driver hadn't really moved in far enough, and the back of his car was still jetting out into the lane quite a bit...

... but still... excuses, excuses...

Fuck...

As I was backing out, while I was looking behind me for passing cars, I felt a little nudge on the side of my car. I knew right then and there that I had fucking somehow hit the bumper of the other car, but what the fuck was I to do? Move my car back into the parking spot, and scratch it some more? Or fucking keep backing out and take my chances with whatever else hits?...

... I chose the latter option... God, I hope that was the better one...

Looking back at the other car, I barely noticed a scratch on the thing. Thinking back to what I did see though, it's possible that I had fucking chipped some paint off the side of the car, and just couldn't tell because the whole car was painted black in the first place... Either way though, just like last time, my mother told me to fucking fly my ass out of that parking lot before getting caught. So that's what I fucking did again, like the chicken shit that I am, and this time I didn't even really care about the hit and run repercussions of doing so...

When I finally got to check out my own goddam car though?...

Fuck...

My dad was going to kill me...

I don't know how the fuck this happened. But not along did a huge streak of silver paint get chipped off of the top of my van's bumper area, but there's also a huge, fucking streak of chipped paint on the bottom of my fucking bumper as well. WTF?... How the fuck did a little, tiny nudge on another car create two major gashes on my fucking car, in two completely different places? Is it even possible for a fucking vehicle bumper to be scratched and chipped to hell, both on the top and the fucking bottom at the same fucking exact time? WTF?...

... I'd like to think that not all of the damage was because of me... I'd like to place some of the blame and onus on my father, for fucking up the car and not telling my mother, lest he reap the whirlwind of repercussions...

But the fact of the matter is, I didn't notice any damage on the car this morning. And after I fucking hit another car, and fucking fled like a dipshit while doing so, I now see that the left corner of my car has been fucked up to hell... with two bloody gashes on the fucking face of heaven...

Tomorrow, my father and I will buy silver paint from Canadian Tire, and just fucking touch up the shit like we did after I hit a car last year...

I just don't get what the fuck really happened though. I know it was a cramped spot, but I've been in those tight situations before. What the fuck did I do differently now that I didn't before? WTF?...

... either way though, sometimes I really do scare myself with my driving...

The other week on the highway? There was a closed lane coming up in front of me, while my father and mother were both passengers in the car...

Now, the smart thing to do would have been to just go to the fucking end of the lane, and wait for a car in the lane to my right to just let me in. I'd give them the thanking hand, be on my merry way, and never have to think of that situation ever again, right?...

Fuck... so how the fuck could I ever mess that shit up?...

The thing was, there was a gap between the two cars in the lane to my right while I was driving. And it wasn't a tiny, tiny gap or anything - it was large enough to fit two sedans, I think... if you don't count that tiny, I mean...

... so with my fucking minivan, I fucking shoved my way into the right lane right between the two fucking cars...

And you know what? It was a perfect fit... a fucking perfect fit... I fit right between the two other fucking cars...

And you see? That was sort of the problem...

Maybe a lane change like that wouldn't have been so fucking dangerous if I had been going, say, twenty kilometres an hour?...

But I was on the fucking highway here. And I was going fucking eighty clicks an hour...

What the fuck would've happened if one of the cars ahead of me had suddenly slowed down to let somebody into the lane? What the fuck would've happened if the car behind me had suddenly tried to close the gap, just so that I wouldn't have been able to fit anymore? What if I wasn't fucking going the right goddam speed?... A million different things could've gone wrong with that situation. And yet I didn't think of a single one of them before I just shoved my way into that fucking gap between those two cars...

Fuck...

Now, acocky, arrogant, driving asshole like my cousin would probably say that was "mad propz driving skillz", as I somehow did manage to go exactly the right speed, and turn into the lane at exactly the right time to fit exactly between the two moving cars to my right...

But I'm not a cocky, arrogant, son of a bitch. Or at least, I don't want to be...

So what the fuck was I thinking?...

... the problem was, I wasn't thinking...

And at 80 kph? That could've gotten me and my entire family killed...

At least today was just a tiny scratch on the other car, and minor repairs (in retrospect) on our own...

But I'm seriously fucking scared of myself at times. Sometimes, my instincts just take over too damn much in the car...

... and I just don't trust my instincts, you know?...

...

Well, at least my situation at work is starting to look a bit more rosy... though of course in life, there are never any guarantees...

The thing is, my current contract will be ending in three weeks or so. I don't have much time left on the clock, to turn things around for my career, at least...

But surprise, surprise... Almost as if he had been grooming me for his position for the past four months, my supervisor yesterday announced to me that he's been fucking promoted. He applied for a hugely high profile, project leader position in the fucking government cabinet, got the job without any real qualms, and now is looking for a replacement for his current position...

Meaning what? Meaning, with negotiations soon starting for my next contract, I could fucking become my own fucking boss... well, besides the people who will still get to boss around me, at least. Who are also my current bosses right now, but that's besides the point...

It ain't all that rosy and sugar plummed and coloured cheeked though... it never really is that simple...

Yeah, I've been trained at his job. He's a good mentor, and a good person. I think him for all that he's taught me, and all that he still will teach me... even from afar...

The thing is though, four months of entry level experience is not enough to quality for his current position's requirements. Sure, when I see the actual programming jobs he does, I notice that even a first year university student could do what he does... But when it comes to the managerial parts of his current job, like all his constant meetings he has with the Deputy Ministers? Then I see why the job description claims it requires two or three years of experience first in order to even goddam apply in the first place...

... do I really have what it takes to qualify?...

... probably not... but I'm not the only one who might get the job... and in the sense, that's a good thing...

There's one other techie person around our parts at work. And the thing is, while he doesn't have the required experience for the job either, he's been working as my supervisor's main developer for the past two or three months... So even if he doesn't have the managerial skills yet, he was at least in all the meetings with my supervisor and the ministers for the past three months. He has seen what it takes to deal with the customers so to speak, even if he wasn't the one who did the speaking himself...

So the way my supervisor broke it down to me, it seems that I and the other guy will somehow split his former duties. I will obviously take a more developmental role (though I will become the project leader for one of my supervisor's three current projects), while the other guy takes the other two (including the really high profile one he's been working on for the past three months)...

Meaning what? Meaning, I'd basically just be getting a new supervisor... but I'd also be getting a promotion at the same time...

Still, nothing is set in stone. There are always budget concerns, and the boss around the parts may simply want to keep the other guy around... and kick me to the curb, since he'd have to give both of us a pay increase for our new goddam positions...

Wouldn't I just become redundant then?... Sure, because of our lack of total experience, it'd be smarter and wiser in the beginning to just split my supervisor's roles between the both of us. There wouldn't even be a need to waste time interviewing anyone else then... But is that really the most cost beneficial solution in the end?...

Then again, this is the government... where my last fucking project wasted thousands of dollars of tax-payers' money...

... I guess I'll find out in the next couple weeks then, now won't I?...

Now, I wouldn't mind sticking around. As long as I got a motherfucking raise and promotion, that is...

Then again, it's getting harder and harder for me to fucking wake up in the morning. I could really use some goddam shut-eye, as the combination of school and work is really starting to get the best of me... even though I've done absolutely jack shit for school when it's all said and done...

And it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... yeah... say that to me again, when I fucking hit a fucking car for the third fucking time...

... next fucking year in Jerusalem then, I always say...

... like bloody gashes on the face of heaven...