Y2kk Update: I hit another fucking car today...

Parked vehicles - my one true, Achilles Heel...

How did you know?...

Fuck...

I mean seriously, how the hell did it happen today?...

My mother was doing the nice thing, buying me my monthly GO train pass for the next month (even though there's a chance that it may go to waste, if I only end up working half the month as my current contract states). She didn't need to pay for the thing, considering I have plenty of money just sitting there in my bank account to pay for it myself. But she tagged along anyhew, just to be the kind mother that she often tries to be...

Fuck. I wish she hadn't have come today...

The thing is, whenever she's around, I try to park as close to our destination as possible in the parking lot... I mean, after hitting that fucking parked car in a local shopping centre a year ago, I've normally parked as far away from the other cars as humanly possible, just so that I could never flirt with disaster again. Or at least, that's how I do it whenever I don't have a passenger around...

For the past year though, whenever my mom has been around, I have been as careful as goddam possible when it comes to parking my car between two other vehicles. And the thing is, as dumbshit as this always makes me feel, I also always try to park as close to our destination as possible, just so that my mom wouldn't need to walk very far... even if it means parking in a fucking cramped parking spots on both sides, like I motherfucking did today...

... fuck...

Now, ironically enough, getting into the fucking parking spot was no problem. Sure, it took me three fucking tries to straighten our my fucking minivan enough to get directly into the middle of the spot, but I still somehow did it... I was as cautious as ever when it came to the sides of my car. I was not going to let myself make the same mistake twice, as I haven't even remotely touched another car with mine since that fucking accident a year ago...

But fucking shockingly enough, it was when I was fucking leaving the parking spot that I fucking ended up hitting the corner of the other fucking car's bumper...

Maybe I turned too quickly when it came to reversing, as often I am too concerned about potential pedestrians behind me than I am with what's still in fucking front of me... Then again, I was in an incredible narrow spot. The cars on both sides were so fucking close to my minivan, that I could barely even fit out of my door on my side, and my mother could barely even step out of her fucking sliding door on the other... And thinking back, that car parked to my left was a little too far out of the parking space, if you know what I mean. The driver hadn't really moved in far enough, and the back of his car was still jetting out into the lane quite a bit...

... but still... excuses, excuses...

Fuck...

As I was backing out, while I was looking behind me for passing cars, I felt a little nudge on the side of my car. I knew right then and there that I had fucking somehow hit the bumper of the other car, but what the fuck was I to do? Move my car back into the parking spot, and scratch it some more? Or fucking keep backing out and take my chances with whatever else hits?...

... I chose the latter option... God, I hope that was the better one...

Looking back at the other car, I barely noticed a scratch on the thing. Thinking back to what I did see though, it's possible that I had fucking chipped some paint off the side of the car, and just couldn't tell because the whole car was painted black in the first place... Either way though, just like last time, my mother told me to fucking fly my ass out of that parking lot before getting caught. So that's what I fucking did again, like the chicken shit that I am, and this time I didn't even really care about the hit and run repercussions of doing so...

When I finally got to check out my own goddam car though?...

Fuck...

My dad was going to kill me...

I don't know how the fuck this happened. But not along did a huge streak of silver paint get chipped off of the top of my van's bumper area, but there's also a huge, fucking streak of chipped paint on the bottom of my fucking bumper as well. WTF?... How the fuck did a little, tiny nudge on another car create two major gashes on my fucking car, in two completely different places? Is it even possible for a fucking vehicle bumper to be scratched and chipped to hell, both on the top and the fucking bottom at the same fucking exact time? WTF?...

... I'd like to think that not all of the damage was because of me... I'd like to place some of the blame and onus on my father, for fucking up the car and not telling my mother, lest he reap the whirlwind of repercussions...

But the fact of the matter is, I didn't notice any damage on the car this morning. And after I fucking hit another car, and fucking fled like a dipshit while doing so, I now see that the left corner of my car has been fucked up to hell... with two bloody gashes on the fucking face of heaven...

Tomorrow, my father and I will buy silver paint from Canadian Tire, and just fucking touch up the shit like we did after I hit a car last year...

I just don't get what the fuck really happened though. I know it was a cramped spot, but I've been in those tight situations before. What the fuck did I do differently now that I didn't before? WTF?...

... either way though, sometimes I really do scare myself with my driving...

The other week on the highway? There was a closed lane coming up in front of me, while my father and mother were both passengers in the car...

Now, the smart thing to do would have been to just go to the fucking end of the lane, and wait for a car in the lane to my right to just let me in. I'd give them the thanking hand, be on my merry way, and never have to think of that situation ever again, right?...

Fuck... so how the fuck could I ever mess that shit up?...

The thing was, there was a gap between the two cars in the lane to my right while I was driving. And it wasn't a tiny, tiny gap or anything - it was large enough to fit two sedans, I think... if you don't count that tiny, I mean...

... so with my fucking minivan, I fucking shoved my way into the right lane right between the two fucking cars...

And you know what? It was a perfect fit... a fucking perfect fit... I fit right between the two other fucking cars...

And you see? That was sort of the problem...

Maybe a lane change like that wouldn't have been so fucking dangerous if I had been going, say, twenty kilometres an hour?...

But I was on the fucking highway here. And I was going fucking eighty clicks an hour...

What the fuck would've happened if one of the cars ahead of me had suddenly slowed down to let somebody into the lane? What the fuck would've happened if the car behind me had suddenly tried to close the gap, just so that I wouldn't have been able to fit anymore? What if I wasn't fucking going the right goddam speed?... A million different things could've gone wrong with that situation. And yet I didn't think of a single one of them before I just shoved my way into that fucking gap between those two cars...

Fuck...

Now, acocky, arrogant, driving asshole like my cousin would probably say that was "mad propz driving skillz", as I somehow did manage to go exactly the right speed, and turn into the lane at exactly the right time to fit exactly between the two moving cars to my right...

But I'm not a cocky, arrogant, son of a bitch. Or at least, I don't want to be...

So what the fuck was I thinking?...

... the problem was, I wasn't thinking...

And at 80 kph? That could've gotten me and my entire family killed...

At least today was just a tiny scratch on the other car, and minor repairs (in retrospect) on our own...

But I'm seriously fucking scared of myself at times. Sometimes, my instincts just take over too damn much in the car...

... and I just don't trust my instincts, you know?...

...

Well, at least my situation at work is starting to look a bit more rosy... though of course in life, there are never any guarantees...

The thing is, my current contract will be ending in three weeks or so. I don't have much time left on the clock, to turn things around for my career, at least...

But surprise, surprise... Almost as if he had been grooming me for his position for the past four months, my supervisor yesterday announced to me that he's been fucking promoted. He applied for a hugely high profile, project leader position in the fucking government cabinet, got the job without any real qualms, and now is looking for a replacement for his current position...

Meaning what? Meaning, with negotiations soon starting for my next contract, I could fucking become my own fucking boss... well, besides the people who will still get to boss around me, at least. Who are also my current bosses right now, but that's besides the point...

It ain't all that rosy and sugar plummed and coloured cheeked though... it never really is that simple...

Yeah, I've been trained at his job. He's a good mentor, and a good person. I think him for all that he's taught me, and all that he still will teach me... even from afar...

The thing is though, four months of entry level experience is not enough to quality for his current position's requirements. Sure, when I see the actual programming jobs he does, I notice that even a first year university student could do what he does... But when it comes to the managerial parts of his current job, like all his constant meetings he has with the Deputy Ministers? Then I see why the job description claims it requires two or three years of experience first in order to even goddam apply in the first place...

... do I really have what it takes to qualify?...

... probably not... but I'm not the only one who might get the job... and in the sense, that's a good thing...

There's one other techie person around our parts at work. And the thing is, while he doesn't have the required experience for the job either, he's been working as my supervisor's main developer for the past two or three months... So even if he doesn't have the managerial skills yet, he was at least in all the meetings with my supervisor and the ministers for the past three months. He has seen what it takes to deal with the customers so to speak, even if he wasn't the one who did the speaking himself...

So the way my supervisor broke it down to me, it seems that I and the other guy will somehow split his former duties. I will obviously take a more developmental role (though I will become the project leader for one of my supervisor's three current projects), while the other guy takes the other two (including the really high profile one he's been working on for the past three months)...

Meaning what? Meaning, I'd basically just be getting a new supervisor... but I'd also be getting a promotion at the same time...

Still, nothing is set in stone. There are always budget concerns, and the boss around the parts may simply want to keep the other guy around... and kick me to the curb, since he'd have to give both of us a pay increase for our new goddam positions...

Wouldn't I just become redundant then?... Sure, because of our lack of total experience, it'd be smarter and wiser in the beginning to just split my supervisor's roles between the both of us. There wouldn't even be a need to waste time interviewing anyone else then... But is that really the most cost beneficial solution in the end?...

Then again, this is the government... where my last fucking project wasted thousands of dollars of tax-payers' money...

... I guess I'll find out in the next couple weeks then, now won't I?...

Now, I wouldn't mind sticking around. As long as I got a motherfucking raise and promotion, that is...

Then again, it's getting harder and harder for me to fucking wake up in the morning. I could really use some goddam shut-eye, as the combination of school and work is really starting to get the best of me... even though I've done absolutely jack shit for school when it's all said and done...

And it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... yeah... say that to me again, when I fucking hit a fucking car for the third fucking time...

... next fucking year in Jerusalem then, I always say...

... like bloody gashes on the face of heaven...

Y2kk Update: It's been a long time since I last updated my download site...

It's not that I haven't had the time or anything. I just haven't had the will, that's all...

Everything is starting to become a blur for me in life. The weeks go by, and it almost feels like nothing ever goddam happens...

It just goes by so goddam fast now. Hell, I don't even remember really what the fuck happened to me these past few weeks...

I do remember feeling like ass when it comes to my university papers and friends, of course. I mean, I know that I'm a shit writer - any of my blog entries can attest to that... But really, am I really that damn bad at being clear and concise? Do I always beat around the fucking bush with my morose comments, even when I try not to? WTF?...

Bah. Whatever... We got our first draft of our Design Project Technical Proposal back. And while I'm hoping that all the corrections on it were more of a result, of the fact that the stuff I wrote came first ahead of everything else (executive summary, intro, project objectives, etc...)... and that the English bitch on the other end with a red pen, simply got tired of circling shit after going through my stuff first... still, the fact of the matter is...

I know that I just suck at writing.

Always have, always will...

Back in elementary school? My dream in life was to become a novel writer... until I realized I sucked at that shit in Grade fucking 9...

In high school, I still had hopes of one day becoming something like a mediocre television script writer... until I realized I sucked at that shit too back in Grade fucking 12...

When it came to my group's technical proposal for our engineering thesis project, it just absolutely sucked the life out of me to see that 95% of the corrections done to paragraph structure and fucking grammar were done to the shitty ass parts that I wrote... Of course, I didn't take it personally. I knew I sucked at writing, so I just laughed off the fact that my two partners' parts had barely a fucking red mark on them at all...

But my pride will always be there when it comes to English. And even after I had made all the suggested corrections to my parts of the technical proposal, apparently my shit still was the absolute worst of the group...

The other day, when we were revising and updating the document together? My partners were ripping apart my sections, replacing dozens of words and phrases with their own. They would move around paragraphs, reorganize sentence structure, and do a whole bunch of shit that I never fully agreed with... I've always hated formal writing, afterall. I've especially always hated technical writing, as it's completely devoid of any sort of emotion or kickass, Go Leafs Go hyperbole. So obviously, I was out of my element there...

... I just snickered and shrugged it off though. I mean, so what if I sucked at writing, right? Doesn't everyone?...

The thing is, when it came to my partners' parts while correcting? I didn't suggest much, since I've never really been big on being a backseat driver when it comes to this shit... But what really, really, ridiculously annoyed me to hell, was the fact that my friends didn't even make one fucking change to their fucking parts. They just skimmed it over and said, "yeah, that's good"... and fucking moved on...

We were fucking stuck on my section shit for over two bloody hours with their fucking correctional changes. And then after just five minutes on their stuff, everything was just peachy? I really suck that damn bad? WTF?...

... well, yeah... I probably do...

... I just really, really, ridiculously suck...

And at work, I'm not so sure that things have been much better...

I was embarrassed as hell the other day... I mean, it's true that as a web developer there, I tend to surf the net a lot. Half for good reasons (looking up how to program certain things on the net), and of course half out of the sheer fact that I'm an internet addict... It's just that, nobody likes being fucking caught when you're surfing the web. And even though I'm technically working 95% of the time, why is it that you always get fucking caught at work for that last fucking 5% of the day?...

Yeah, my boss walked in on me the other week. He was quiet as a fucking cat - I didn't even hear him creep up until probably a half minute after he started staring at my monitor...

I was surfing my goddam computer and gaming forums back then. I doubt that any "Not Safe for Work" pictures were on screen at the time, but all the animated avatar gifs probably would've tipped him off that I wasn't exactly being a studious worker (time to fucking disable pictures on my internet browser then)...

He didn't say anything. But he certainly didn't look approving of what the fuck he was seeing... I mean, we all know around the office that most people don't have very much to do, besides just wander about and chat amongst each other during endless coffee breaks. Hypocritical or not though, everyone tells each other that they have so much fucking work that it's insane. I never actually see them doing work, but they always claim it's up to their fucking ears and asses and always inked in blood... They know how to play the politics of the place, while I obviously don't...

Politics with your boss is one thing. It's simple, on paper at least... Suck up to them by always claiming you're doing lots of work. And completing good work too, thanks to their guidance... You're not supposed to look like a complete suck-up though, so there's always a fine line that's hard to know when to cross. So instead, I've rolled the dice and tried to do the shitastic humble thing, giving credit to my fellow workers behind their backs... or whatever...

But just like with the whole office bitch situation (that I still haven't had the will or the guts to write on my MSN site), I sincerely am absolutely clueless when it comes to inter-worker office politics...

I know this was just a small thing the other day, but it's nagging the hell out of the back of my head...

There's a charity thing at my work, sort of like a marathon when it comes to 144 flights of stairs... All the young people around the office are doing it (except for yours truly who chickened out at the last minute, of course...). And of course, office politics dictate that you have to pledge for each and every single one of the people actually running the damn thing... I knew that at least...

What I forgot about was the fucking policy, where you give everyone the same fucking amount of money in the end...

One person at work was afraid that he wouldn't get the requisite fifty bucks of donations to even take part in the charity run in the end. So in order to help him out, and knowing that you get a tax receipt if you pledge $20 or more, I donated to him twenty goddam bucks...

But when it came to my supervisor? And when it came to the woman who hired me in the first place?...

Yeah, I got cheap... I donated to them five bucks each (which is what everyone else in the branch was donating to them), half so that I wouldn't look 'better' than the others in the branch... and half because I was fucking cheap, and didn't want to give twenty bucks to the both of them...

The thing is, it wasn't long until I realized that my supervisor saw that I had given the other guy twenty fucking bucks first... And I don't know. Of course, he didn't say anything. But he certainly acted a bit strangely after that... I seriously think I fucked things up, political-wise at least...

... just from donating fucking cash out of my fucking wallet... give me a fucking break...

I guess being charitable is an absolute a bitch...

... as apparently, I still haven't learned my goddam lessons...

Whatever. I'm learning... I'm a fucking work in progress...

But with my contract ending a month from now? Let's see if I even get to continue learning...

... as it's nice to have a stable job, and let the fucking months just fly by without notice...

... and the fucking paychecks aren't so bad either...

Y2kk Update: Fucking strangely enough, I'm not really exhausted right now...

Could I simply be too damn busy, and too damn horny, to actually be that damn tired anymore?...

The thing is, I've been swamped at work...

Now, I know, I know. I work at the motherfucking government. How much work could there possibly be?...

The thing is, it's pointless work. It's work that literally makes no logical sense whatsoever. It's work that's completely a waste of taxpayer's money... and to be honest, a complete waste of any programmer's time... I mean, who thinks up this shit that they give us, anyhew?...

And no, it ain't hard work. A first year student or a high school programmer could probably do it better than I currently can...

... but still, it's still a lot of work in the end...

I mean, I had three projects to multitask myself on this week...

Like I said, none were particularly hard or anything. It's just that... considering they're all multi-week projects? They sure do take their toll on you as the weeks go by...

To make matters worse for me, I don't even have this weekend to myself...

I'm stuck doing my goddam thesis proposal for my goddam design project at university. The damn paper is due next week, and I really don't know where or how to goddam, bloody hell start...

I'm already getting the impression that my partners are getting annoyed with me though, like I was afraid they would. Just not this soon in the ballgame, I originally thought...

Yeah, I'm at work for the majority of the day. That forces them to meet me during after hours only, which is something of course that they don't want to do... And of course, I'm bloody hell tired after work most of the time, considering I wake up at goddam 7 in the morning every frickin' weekday. So obviously, I'm not exactly the most open and liberal minded towards all their brainiac suggestions, at fucking eight at night in a fucking university computer lab...

I don't want to let them down, though. So yeah, along with my chores this weekend, I'm stuck wasting my time with a goddam, bloody hell paper that I have to do well... It's not just my ass on the line from this, afterall. I hate having partners that I can fuck over, you know...

Still... I just find it strange though...

Last week at this time, I felt so goddam exhausted, that I literally zonked out while writing my goddam download update...

This week though?... I don't know...

... guess it's the dreams I've been having...

... and of course, the horniness...

Because now that class is back in session?...

Hot damn, there's a whole lot of hot asses just roaming about...

... but I digress...

...

Well, I finally got my first paycheck in the mail for my motherfucking new contract at work...

Yes, siree...

For the past 2.5 weeks of my work life? I got a brand new spanking cheque of...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

Eighty-two dollars...

... ahem...

... eighty-two dollars...

...

... umm, wait a tick...

... huh?

$82?

WTF?!?...

WHAT THE BLUE FLYING FUCK?!?...

... but yup...

... that was the paycheck I got this Wednesday...

Now, my new contract does say that I'm supposed to be paid almost $20 an hour for my government services...

... but according to this whopping $82 cheque I got?

I was paid about ninety fucking cents an hour...

So woohoo! I'm finally making my Chinese parents proud!...

Because finally I can officially say, that I goddam belong to a goddam Asian sweat shop!

... sniff sniff... I've never been more proud of myself than I am right now...

...

Well, I was kinda laughing about it for the past few days. I mean, wouldn't you freak out if you just got paid $82 frickin' dollars for your past 90 hours of goddam slave work?

Hell, I didn't even get those $82 dollars in the end! I mean seriously, the government taxed me thirty fucking dollars off of my fucking eighty bucks?...

WTF? They taxed me a shit load, off of just eighty two dollars of shit?... Talk about extortion here....

... and... yeah, well...

... don't cry over me just yet, Argentina. I got the whole thing settled...

Turned out, my real check was just a bit late this week...

Apparently, the $82 one was some leftover, retroactive pay from my summer student contract, and nothing more...

So yeah. After asking around and calling about, I got a cheque in the mail worth about $1600 from the government. Which ain't half bad, all things considered...

It still doesn't cover all my pay for those first two and a half weeks of mine. Apparently, my first two days on the new contract are still missing from my paystub, since my new contract's start date was incorrectly entered into the goddam database at the time (wish they had told me that at the time... two fucking days off would've been better than fucking nothing...)...

But my supervisor says he'll get me those two days back, so what the fuck do I care?...

Fucking payday. Finally...

Maybe that's why I don't feel fucking tired and mindfucked right now?

I actually have motherfucking money, to motherfucking waste on motherfucking shit...

... not that I wouldn't waste cash anyhew, even if I didn't have any income...

... on shit like goddam, motherfucking tuition, that is...

... and goddam, motherfucking homework on the weekends...

Because it all sounds like just so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... well... at least I got eighty fucking bucks, and this lousy fucking T-shirt to show for it all...

... and a fuckload of new horny bitches to stalk...

... but that's a story, for another day...