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IvanF's Windows9x Tweaks & Dweaks for Your UI! - Saturday, December 31st, 2005 Y2kk Update: Well, it’s the end of 2005... Finally, it’s the fucking end of 2005... And to be honest? I still don’t really know what that exactly fucking means for me... Every single year, instead of going out for New Year’s Eve, I stick around at home... and write my fucking Y2kk Updates, for really no reason but the fact that I really have no-one special to spend this day with... And if there’s one thing that I’m worried about in 2006?... ... no, it’s not about whether I ever find love... ... and no, it’s not about whether I ever find that goddam dream job I’ve always wanted... But goddam fucking rather, it’s about whether or not I will even have the goddam drive to continue writing and blogging and admitting shit like this and that on this goddam, fucking website of mine... When I started this whole gig, when I started this Tweakui website, I was in my mid to late teens. At that age, every single one of us wishes that we were special. That’s when every single one of us wishes that we could be known, and that we could be famous... That’s the kind of age, where we dream that one day, our fucking websites will be fucking huge and our names will be synonymous with success for fucking eons to come... ... or synonymous with fucking sex to cum, at least... And I have had neither... none and nada, sadly to be honest... It’s been six damn years now, and what do I have to show for any of my crap that I’ve written? I’m still the same old nerd, the same old geek, with the same ol’ penchant for not even having a fucking girlfriend to spend New Year’s Eve with... I mean, six years ago I knew that I was both pathetic and pathetically shy. But did I really think that I’d still be alone during my last fucking year of university? Did I really believe that I would become a fucking 23-year old virgin, even after going through four years of the goddam institution filled with the fucking easiest pussy I’d ever find in my life? I don’t think so... Now, there’s currently a lot of studies of students going around, claiming that web blogs and shit like that are the in-thing for even the in-crowd to do these days when you’re in your late teens or early roaring 20’s. And hell, if you need proof, just take one damn look at any fucking shit Livejournal page, or even google up the "Saugeen Stripper" incident that happened at Western University here in my province of Ontario... Though as a soon-to-be University of Toronto alumni? I just prefer to call it the "Western University Sucks Fucking Stripper Dick" incident... ... has a much better ring to it, afterall... Fuck, that girl wasn’t even hot... and yet she still managed to get her fifteen minutes of fame, just by doing exactly what any fucking university ho fo sho would do for free, let alone for freedom... WTF?... The thing is though, that kind of publicity and that fucking kind of nudity (both physical and emotional) will definitely come back to haunt her in the years to come... I mean seriously, don’t the girls who suck each other’s nipples on camera for Girls Gone Wild ever look back at their tapes five years later when they’re all in their business skirts and suits, worried that their fucking new boss will buy one of those ol’ Spring Break tapes and see their fucking tongue licking someone else’s unshaven ass?... ... well, I sure as hell do, at least... Web blogs have become the truly in-thing for high school and university students galore across the globe, simply because we all wear our emotions on our sleeves and never really think about the consequences of our actions... All we think about is sharing our shit with our friends, as if the internet was personal between just the few of us or some shit like that. Yet at the same time, we post and post and fucking post more to the globe, with the fucking hope and inner dream that maybe, just maybe, some secret admirer halfway across the continent will read our shit and turn us into a bonafide star... Unfortunately, this kind of mentality eventually shifts when you fucking get a job, find a love that could potentially be for life, and start a fucking family or some shit like that. Studies have shown that by the mid or late 20’s, web bloggers simply abandon their websites out of fear that what they write will come back to bite them in the ass some day... It’s just like sharing salaries, really. In fourth year, every fucking student is telling each other exactly what job they just got and how much they’re going to earn. Flash forward just a couple years later, and suddenly everyone’s exact occupation and goddam income number is considered fucking private information, and you’re given fucking deadly stares for even mentioning the latter. WTF?... We are what we do. We are where we work. We are what we wear. And we are the money we make... Sounds callous and crude, I know. I may hate the principle, but that is how the fucking world works... And that is what defines us as a person, both to others and sadly to own selves as well. Whether you’re rich and wearing Armani, or poor and lovin’ your welfare checks, you are who you are. What else could confidence and self-esteem possibly be?... That’s just the way it is, and I’m starting to feel exactly why... I mean, sure I’ve always had the fear that one of the girls I’ve fallen for in my life would eventually read my MSN site, or that some of my friends that I’ve whined about would eventually find my download rant with cheese about their shit. But friendships and fucking puppy-dog crushes can easily be discarded in life, even if we hate to believe at the time that either are disposable... The fact of the matter is though, that now that I’ve gotten older? I’d like to think that I’ve just gotten wiser, but the wise-man deep within me knows that compared to before, I simply now have more to lose... and the more you have to lose, the more fear of losing you have... I mean seriously, what the fuck would my bosses think if they ever started reading my download site? What the fuck would my colleagues begin to believe if they ever realized just how much I bashed them over my job interview before they hired me in the fucking first place?... Hell, I’ve never even used a swear word once in the office so far. WTF would they think if they saw me fucking all over the place in this Y2kk Update of mine?... Unlike many bloggers around my own age, I refuse to censor myself. I swore long ago that whatever I wrote and placed online would stay online, no matter how damning or damaging... Was I simply dreaming of a better world back then, one where I actually have the guts and glory and the fucking hot pussy to eat out of for fucking self-actualization? Perhaps... But I still haven’t censored a single one of Tweakui, download, MSN, or noname updates yet to this very day... Perhaps that alone is something to be proud of... It’s true though that over the past year, that in 2005? I haven’t been completely honest with what I’ve revealed and written in the first place on my websites... While anything I do write has never been altered or changed or censored, 2005 was seriously the first ever year where I chose not to write an update that I wanted to, out of fear that it would be eventually read... 2005 was the first year where I got a real job. And like I stated before, I’m ashamed and quite frankly nervous about a bunch of shit that I wrote about my colleagues and employees when I thought the job would only be for summer... Eventually I was extended all the way to the March of 2006, and hopefully with luck I’ll be given full time status after that... Which means what? Which means... to make sure my career path remains intact? There are just certain things that I cannot kiss and tell, or simply things that I will refuse to admit, out of fear that it will come back to bite me in the ass someday... And I dunno, but it just feels horrible that I can no longer truly be honest with myself, and with those two damn readers who still occasionally frequent this website or whatever... Back in high school, I was angsty and fucking inadequate-feeling as hell. And while obviously, not many things have changed for me since then, I have sadly had to "grow up" so to speak, to fit into the fucking real world... Now sure, I really have always hated the aforementioned term and the fucking word "mature", since adults and adultery and the fucking politics of 21st century society are about the most immature things I could ever possibly conceive of in my fucking life... But in order to live life the way that society deems we should live life? I guess I do have to follow the rules laid out before me... ... the unspoken rules of fucking Shrinkage, that is... And if I don’t? Well... ... then 2006 really will be the year of disaster and ruin for me... ... not like that’s anything new for the world, mind you... ... Looking back at 2005 from a global perspective, it’s obvious that this was the year of natural fucking disasters... ... although I prefer to call it the year that Mother Nature simply kicked our asses and took our names with a goddam bitchy vengeance... The Indonesian Tsunami was just unbelievably tragic, and is still affecting thousands of people to this day. It still boggles the mind just how many goddam people died from a situation that could’ve been blunted by just a goddam warning system put into place... One year later, and the world is still feeling the ill effects of the tidal wave. And to think, it was only the first bloody hell Mother Nature massacre of the fucking year to come... I never did like how the rest of the world ignored Hurricane Katrina, simply because it hit America instead of a country that the rest of the nations didn’t hate. But there’s simply no denying that in recent history, the complete destruction and devastation of a modern city from goddam flooding is definitely a chapter in the Bible worth paying attention to... It still amazes me just how apathetic the world can seem to such a situation, even after hundreds and thousands of people had died in the disaster. Then again, how can I really blame the world, when even Americans were bitching at each other over racism and shit like that while more and more went homeless over the flooded nights in New Orleans?... When it came to my own friends at university though, it was the earthquake in Pakistan that’s probably the most painful on their minds. They all still have family and friends left in the rubble, and I can’t even begin to imagine how the survivors over there will cope with the harsh winters that have come to the affected areas... Part of me wishes that the nation itself had simply been more prepared, that Pakistan should’ve done better than to finally get to the refugees weeks after their homes were leveled to the ground. Then again, if Indonesia was too damn cheap for a tsunami warning system, and even America couldn’t airlift supplies to their own goddam people in time, what hope would there be for Pakistan?... ... what hope is there really, for what calamities will befall us in fucking 2006?... ... Meanwhile here in Canada, all we seem to give two shits about still is the goddam Bird Flu. Sure, that could become the next big viral plague or some shit like that, but we haven’t even had a single damn death from it so far this year in the country... Now, I’m all for spending money to prepare for the inevitable shitstorm plague that will make the Spanish Flu of 1918 and the Polio outbreaks of the 50’s look like the fucking harmless chicken pox in the goddam end. But in the meantime, by using all our resources on just one virus that just might be the next plague, we’re forgetting about everything else fucking happening around the world and even in our own goddam country... I mean seriously, as Indonesia, Pakistan, and even fucking France recover from their own respective, goddam disasters (well, that’s nothing new for France... they’ve always been their worst and only real enemy, afterall...)? We Canadians are still bitching about politics... goddam, fucking politics... Unless you’re one of those select few historians who actually give a damn about what happens here in Canada, or unless you’re one of those Americans who actually do live under a rock in Arkansas? Then I’m sure you’re in the dark about what’s happening here in my country, and I should probably reveal to you guys that we Canadians have had a minority Federal government here for over a goddam year by now... The fucking useless government in power has only been able to hold together in office this damn long thanks to our middle-Liberal party making too many goddam concessions to the Green-Peace lovin’ NDP... But like I called that it would a long time ago, the NDP soon grew too arrogant with their own lust for power, and ousted our goddam Liberal government from the goddam throne... ... forcing us Canadians into a goddam winter election that nobody fucking wants or cares about, might I add... In all fairness, this is just shit for us voters, really. The shit has hit the fan, simply because at negative Celsius temperatures, we have no need for fucking ceiling fans or fucking politics, really... We’re going to have to go the polling stations in late January, probably to vote back in yet another useless minority government that will be ousted yet again two or less years from now. So really, what the fuck is the point?... While Americans may hate the fact that Bush has total control over the US, even if he barely won the election results at all, at least his government has the power to actually get things done. But seriously, what the fuck can the Canadian House of Commons do with a minority government? Bitch and complain, waste tax payers’ money on more sponsorship scandals, and then spend even more money on a new fucking election every goddam year? WTF?... When it comes to us Ontarians, there’s definitely one issue that’s coming to the forefront. And to be honest, it’s definitely not one that I really expected to seriously consider in my own goddam lifetime here in Canada... Across Canada at least, murder by gun violence has decreased to almost all time lows in the past generation. So why is it then, that my own goddam city of Toronto happens to be such a goddam fucking anomaly, and such a goddam hot spot of tragic activity for goddam gang warfare and gun-related violence?... It made headlines across the internet news of the world the other day really, how an innocent Toronto high school girl was shot dead outside of Eaton’s Centre on Boxing Day... She was simply there with her parents to shop at the goddam mall in downtown Toronto, when in fucking broad daylight, drug-dealing and gun-totting gangs started shooting at each other across the street... And sadly? This wasn’t an isolated incident in Toronto this year... How many deaths from gunfire have happened in 2005 in just Toronto? Fifty by now, almost a third of the entire national number?... Here in Canada, like I said below, gun violence is technically at an all-time low. And yet here in Toronto, the only fucking city that matters (... Ottawa and Montreal by the way, you suck...), we’ve become fucking Detroit? Here we have had so many killings in the North York and Scarborough suburbs this year, that at times I almost feel like I’m fucking living in goddam America... Why are all these gang wars suddenly starting this year? I don’t know. It’s not like I can pretend to know what’s going on in the drug related scenes, considering I’m too fucking wussy to even suck down wine to get a chick, let alone do E to fuck some bitch right up the fucking ass at night... But shootings on Boxing Day, in fucking broad daylight? Are these motherfuckers stoned or something? Did they just want to die or get caught by the police, or were they just fucking too damn dumb to know the true meaning of "shop ‘till you drop"?... Seriously, I have no real solution to the new gun violence situation here in Toronto. All I do know, is that a hell of a lot of votes for this coming Federal election will be based on the fucking new measures to curb this goddam gun violence... Whether those new measures will be half-assed or even decent in theory, I don’t know. But does it really matter? The voting mob here is so fucking fickle... ... and the media here will eat it fucking up and tear the country apart, just to make a headline... Just take one damn gander at our goddam sports section if you want further proof... ... Like I said, it’s almost like we’re living in Detroit true crime, fucking fear here... ... too bad we can’t have the success of their fucking sports teams too, goddammit... Before all this gang warfare started, and before the fucking minority government fell for a goddam winter election? There was really only one thing that Ontarians talked about... and it wasn’t about the fucking natural disasters of 2005 either... All I ever heard about up here in fucking Canada?... ... was the goddam NHL hockey lockout... ... from Eh to Zed, no doot aboot it really... Now that hockey is finally back, I oddly find myself kind of apathetic to it. I mean, maybe it’s just because an entire year of the fucking sport was lost to goddam millionaires bitching about billionaires (just like I lost interest after the MLB and NBA strikes as well), but really?... Even half a year after the new NHL started, while I do watch pretty much every Leafs game, I just don’t seem to care about it much. Not to the degree that I fucking love my fucking Toronto Raptors, that is... It fucking annoyed me to hell during the NHL fucking lockout, how the sports channels here would still somehow manage to show three times more hockey footage a day than fucking basketball coverage... And now that the Toronto Maple Leafs are holding their own in the fucking Eastern Conference? Or even when there seemed to be no fucking hope for our fucking injury-plagued, Salary-Cap-fucked NHL team? There was still ten times more fucking hockey footage than I ever saw for the goddam Toronto Raptors... I don’t know why I love basketball so damn much. Maybe it’s because it was the only sport I was ever decent enough at while playing? Or maybe it’s because my fucking ADD attention span needs a constant barrage of yelling at my television, or a goddam banshee of screaming at complete team ineptness to stay entertained?... ... or maybe I’m just a fucking glutton for punishment?... afterall, I have watched every fucking Toronto Raptors televised game in their entirety this whole fucking season so far... Yes, even the fucking Golden State games... both of them... I was even jumping for joy when we got our first ever one-game winning streak against Miami... God, that hurt my brain... Either way though? Even I have to admit that I cared more about the state of my fucking beloved Raptors than I ever managed to be concerned for the people of Indonesia, the survivors in Pakistan, or even the fucking moronic Frenchies who were tearing themselves apart over in France... I don’t know why, but Toronto sports just bring out the only real emotion in me. I mean, considering I’ve never had a girlfriend, and considering I’ve never even been kissed? Then is it no wonder that watching the Raptors win or lose is really the only time I ever really feel alive?... I mean seriously, watching the Raptors come back against the fucking Indian Pacers last night, after being down by as much as sixteen candles in the fucking third quarter? Fucking priceless... Oh really?... Oh fucking yes... <cue Sam Mitchell fist pump> This must be what sex feels like... ... or... not?... I’m confused... ... but still... it’s sadly the closest I’ve ever goddam gotten to pure happiness in a very long, fucking time... The Raptors being 7-7 and 50% for the month of December, after only getting one fucking win in all of November, was the closest I’ve ever fucking gotten to pure happiness in a very long, fucking time... Sad, ain’t it?... Because to be honest? My Tweakui updates over the past half year have all become just an excuse for me simply to rant and whine about NBA Basketball whenever I feel to urge to fucking tear apart my Raptors... Seriously, I think I’ve only really come up with reasons to write on this website of mine, simply to post homerism trades that I simply wished that the Raptors could fucking take advantage of... Hell, just to brilliantly cap off the salary cap year of 2005? Here’s one more out-of-the-Jessica-Alba-blue, fucking big-homerism-Aristotle sort of trade for my fucking Toronto Raptors... First, Jalen Rose and Loren Woods to New York Knicks, for Penny Hardaway and Nate Robinson... Then Mike James and Rafael Araujo to Chicago somehow, for Luol Deng and Ben Gordon... ... and then somehow the rest of our fucking garbage and a bag of chips, to Milwaukee for Jamal Magloire and TJ Ford... Raptors then draft Rudy Gay, Tiago Splitter, and Denham Brown with our 2006 draft picks, and then what do we have for the 2006-2007 season?.... ... well... ahem... C: Jamal Magloire, Tiago Splitter, Pape Sow Now that’s a team worth watching next year... and definitely one worth writing home about... Rob Babcock, make it fucking happen! DO IT. DRAGONS. DO IT. Just think of it as a fucking New Year’s Resolution... ... or a clause in your contract before getting fired, really... I mean, why not? That was also my fucking wish to Santa Claus, afterall... ... a fucking three-peat of NBA championship for the fucking Toronto Raptors... It really can’t be that damn hard to achieve, now can it be?... C’mon, just one fucking miracle on Yonge Street already... ... then again?... well... ... If 2005 was the year of disasters and of Mother Nature shitting all over our balls, then perhaps 2006 could really be the year of miracles then instead?... It’s definitely the year that makes or breaks whether I continue writing on my goddam websites any longer... I mean, I sincerely doubt that I’d ever really give up my love and pursuit of happiness in writing. But all my original motives for keeping up the gig in the first place have entirely vanished, so what will really become of the shit that I write?... Six fucking years ago, I was hoping that my 900 hits a day could become 90000 or even fucking higher... and yet now, I find that I often visit my own websites more often than my fucking counter ever goes up for anyone else... Six fucking years ago, I had dreams and grandeur visions that my writing could become popular and famous enough that a newspaper or a fucking editor would eventually ask me to write some shit for them in the very manner that I prefer to write... Of course, I’ve always been a sarcastic, shitastic writer at best, as I can even barely read my own crap from just two years ago without bailing and balling out at just how damn pathetic my sentence structure may be. But I can still dare to dream, now can’t I?... Six fucking years ago, I envisioned that I would eventually find love, find a great job as an entrepreneur, and still somehow find the fucking balls and the fucking freedom to fucking write exactly how I felt on my goddam websites for everyone to endear... ... but I never did find love... ... (probably because I’m still ugly as fuck, with no goddam personality whatsoever)... ... and I never did become the huge fucking success in the labour force that I was praying I would eventually become... ... (probably because I’m lazy as fuck, and was lucky enough to secure a stable job by fucking my way through the interview process... so much for finding the time to start my own fucking Google then...)... And sigh... I now find that I just don’t have the balls, or the freedom, or the fucking will to write exactly how I feel or want to feel on my goddam websites any longer... I may continue to write, but really with no soul. What’s the fucking point then?... ... 2006 will therefore become the year where I find out what I’m truly made of, and perhaps who I really am... And wasn’t that really the goal of my websites in the first place though? I dunno... All I do know, is that I think we’re all hoping that next year will be a hell of a lot more safe and a hell of lot more stable than 2005 ever fucking was... Here’s hoping that Mother Nature doesn’t fuck us all over the ass once more... ... here’s hoping I get to fuck a hot motherfucking bitch who comes all over the floor... And with that? As always, right on cue, I just can’t help but wish you all galore... ... a goddam Happy New Year, nevermore... ... and a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and of course, a God Bless Us, Everyone... |
Whine to the no-name whiner at: flamemycrowsoft @ (hotmail.com)
- Well, since my cool little ivanf@flame.mycrowsoft.com e-mail address
only works every other day (just like a good copy of Windows95...), I'm switching you guys
over to my hotmail account. I only use my hotmail one for unimportant stuff like e-mails
from new friends, flames from not so new friends, and other insignificant stuff like
mandatory online lessons from my university... So go right on ahead, and flame away,
because as soon as I get enough piss-off letters, I'm opening my own flame IvanF section @
flame.mycrowsoft.com -
[ c. bored visitors who will never return...]
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
Y2kk Update: Happy American Thanksgiving, Canada!
Because if there’s one thing to be thankful for?...
... it’s that we don’t live in France...
And why?...
Well... need I explain?...
It’s the French...
... the goddam French...
Figures...
I mean, yes I know that this is old news by now, considering it’s been almost a week since the last fires burnt themselves out... But really, this still calls for a celebration...
France has finally won a goddam war!...
... because it seems, the only people they can beat and embarrass are their own goddam selves...
I’m a Canadian, and take it from me. If even we can get goddam terrorists from Quebec in the 70’s, I can’t imagine what kind of fanatics France was cooking up across the Atlantic over all these festering past years...
Riots in Toulouse? I guess, you snooze, you lose...
Battles in Nice? Nice...
And Paris?... well, it’s Paris, one of the greatest cesspools of racism in the world...
What else could you possibly expect? I mean hell, deep down and dark inside, they make Ireland look like a fucking utopian paradise...
I forget how many days and nights of riots that France got. And my condolences do go out to anyone who was injured, killed, or truly affected by the state of emergency that happened over there in Europe...
But the fact of the matter is, what happened in France was a goddam wake-up call for the whole of North America. And I’m not quite saying that racism riots would ever spring back up over here like they did fifty or so years ago...
But rather, I’m screaming at all those morons out there, who still believe that North America has the worst racism in the world. I’m fucking telling them all to just open their fucking eyes and turn on their televisions to the goddam, global news for once...
It’s ridiculous really. Here in Toronto, where Asians and Europeans and pretty much any type of immigrant out there outnumbers the white folk, I’ve still heard from God knows how many people, that "the racism here is just as bad as it is in America"...
... and of course, then you get the ever naive comments from the select few hot activist cuties out there, that "Europe does not have the racism problems that we always have"...
... and, umm... hello?...
It’s just too damn bad that most of the people I’m alluding to were from my goddam high school long ago, because otherwise I would jam my fucking finger up their ass (where apparently their head is too), and fucking point them out to what the fuck has really been going on over in Europe... Hell, there’s a damn good reason why my parents decided to immigrate to North America rather than goddam Europe, even after all that Oriental leftover shit from World War 2...
Europe has got just too much history going for it. Time and time again, almost every country in that continent has proven that they’re unwilling to give any immigrant a decent job or salary, unless the person converts to their European country’s way of life...
This means they convert their values, their traditions, and goddammit, often times their religion...
... and obviously, that doesn’t bode so well with all the different Muslim immigrants flocking to Europe for a better life...
Then again, it’s hard to completely fault France and Europe for the goddam riots. Most of the Albanians and whoever else were rioting, have known for decades that France would not accept them unless they assimilated into the French culture. What else did they really expect? That they could just immigrate into the county, leech off of the system, get rich, and completely ignore the French way of life? That’s just not how it works...
... except perhaps here in Canada, at least...
It was ridiculously hilarious listening to some of the rioters whine and gripe about shit on the news. I think I heard at least an entire night’s worth of guys, blaming the French system on why they dropped out of goddam high school and couldn’t find a job... and now they were fucking smashing windows and throwing goddam explosive cocktails in people’s cars...
... and they still wonder why they haven’t been able to find a job yet? Jesus fucking Christ...
Really, as a Canadian, I can’t help but find fault in both sides of the situation. I wish that Europe would be more open-minded about being a cultural mosaic, while I also wish that immigrants would realize that they just can’t isolate themselves in their own little world within the country they now inhabit... If there’s anything that I wish we Canadians could improve about our own cultural system, it’s that we still have divisions and borders within our very cities when it comes to Italians, Greeks, Chinese, Indian, Spanish, and whatever other nations you can possibly think of...
... and oh yes, we kicked our own French to the goddam curb, in a little villa known as "Quebec"...
Malheursement, that doesn’t shut them up most of the time. But whatever...
... at least when they acted up back in the 70’s? We kicked their asses, took their names, and won that fucking war...
Time will only tell if France has won theirs...
I mean seriously, do they ever goddam win?...
If there’s one decent thing that will come out of all these French riots, it’s the fact that finally, it’ll shut up all the goddam activists over here in North America, who complain night and day how even Canada should look to Europe as a goddam perfect, idealistic model of a multicultural mosaic...
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite...
... heh... I guess you can now add fucking oppression to that list too...
Freedom fries, my ass...
Because why, oh why, must they hate freedom?...
...
If there’s one thing in the world that I hate more than a fucking racist, it’s the fucking French...
And if there’s one thing in the world that I hate more than even the goddam French? It’s goddam Sony...
Why must Sony always fucking try to take over the world? Why, God, why?...
I already hated them for their goddam overpriced Trinitron televisions back in the day. Even before I knew what the Sony brand really meant, I couldn’t stand the elitist attitude that so many Sony snobbists had, that their fucking Trinitrons could beat up my fucking television and father at the same damn time, or whatever sort of crap...
But it was the goddam Sony Playstation, ripped right out of the blueprints and cords of the goddam SNES CD machine, that sealed the deal with the devil for Sony. Not only did they completely ruin the 2D gaming goodness that I so dearly loved back in the day, but they fucked over Nintendo and Sega while doing it. I will never forgive them for that... never...
The thing is though, even when I’m begging to give Sony my money? Apparently, they’re too fucked up to just goddam take it...
They’ve had so many horribly ill-equipped products along the way. I can’t even begin to count the number of defective PS2’s and PSP’s I’ve seen in the past couple years alone, let alone all the other goddam busted Sony products in my lifetime...
But DVD boxsets? How the fuck could Sony fuck up DVD fucking boxsets? WTF?...
I’m a Stargate die-hard fan. I seriously count it the greatest television series on... umm... television... now that Star Trek is fucking off the air, malheursement...
All I ask for, are fucking DVD boxsets from MGM that I can just fork over my hard earned cash for, and never have to think about again... It should just be plug and play, and not Microsoft plug and pray. So how the fuck could a goddam movie company ever manage to fuck that up?...
Enter Sony...
... and just like Enter The Matrix?...
They suck...
First, they fucking bought out MGM, the movie company that produces Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis...
And guess the fuck what?... The very first year that Sony is in charge? Canada gets the bottom of the French toilet seat of shit when it comes to the DVD boxsets Sony fucking produces...
Right when I was about to buy the Stargate SG-1, Season 8 boxset the other month, guess what the fuck I learn off the internet? But that Sony has apparently screwed up with the fourth or something disc in the series, putting on the one hour version of "Threads" instead of the hour and half version that I named as the best episode of the season last year...
They put on the wrong episode? What the fuck?...
But one fucked up episode ain’t that bad, right? I can see a mistake like that happening, even if the fucking back of the box reads an hour and a half length for the episode...
But now that the Stargate Atlantis, Season 1 boxset is finally out? Just when I was fucking ready to pick it up this weekend, guess what the fuck I find out from the fucking internet?...
That Sony fucked that up too... What the fuck?...
How in the blue hell could they possibly burn the wrong goddam disc? But apparently, Sony really is that damn dumb and that damn cheap when it comes to quality control, as the fifth and final disc of the boxset has the exact same episodes on it as the first goddam disc in the box...
Meaning what? Meaning, three or more of the best episodes of the first damn season (including The Siege, which I named as one of the best episodes of the goddam year) were completely missing in action, replaced by a repeat of the series pilot which was already on the first goddam disc...
How the hell could Sony possibly screw up this damn bad? Did they want to make their CD-spyware software look like less of a blunder by comparing it to this shit, or whatever sort of crap in the end?...
And you know what the worst part of it all is? Apparently, Sony is offering free DVD boxset recalls to all fucked up copies in North America...
... well, all fucked up copies, except those in fucking Canada, of course...
Meaning what? Meaning, I can’t fucking buy the fucking DVD boxset anytime soon, because I can’t even guarantee that Sony will replace my fucked up discs with the proper ones that I legally blonded bought. What the fuck?...
I’m literally begging to give them my hard-earned cash, and yet they still decide to slap me in the face and fuck me up the ass? What the fuck?...
Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I hate Sony...
I just want to know one thing though...
Why the fuck do they hate me so much?...
Why the hell do they hate us Canadians this damn much?...
Why the hell do they hate freedom?...
...
Okay, if there’s one thing in the world that I hate even more than goddam Sony (if that’s even possible), it’s Marty York...
Who?...
Marty fucking York, of the Toronto Metronews newspaper...
Again you ask, who?...
Well, that’s the thing. He’s a nobody... he’s a nobody, who writes up sports tabloid shit, hoping to become a somebody...
He’s the one who broke the news last year, about Vince Carter of the Toronto Raptors and our coach Sam Mitchell, getting into a fist fight over a goddam parking spot or some shit like that... It sure as hell gave Marty York (back then a sportscaster with Rogers Sportsnet) his 15 minutes of fame. Until he made up a whole bunch of other shit to ride on the coat-tails of his own success, and got booted off of the show...
... only to find an embarrassing job as the noname writer of a goddam free morning newspaper...
Still, if anything, that hasn’t shut him the fuck up. It’s only made him louder and more obnoxious than ever before...
Last week, he wrote a laughable commentary how inside sources claimed the Toronto Raptors were so desperate, that they were looking at the WNBA for a fucking player to get us past the winning hump...
... yeah... the fucking hump indeed...
... sounds like something Marty fucking York could definitely use (obviously me too, but that’s besides the point)...
He was pretty much laughed off the stage for the crap he wrote about last week. Realizing that he had to actually have "real sources" for once in a story, he decided to go back to the journalist drawing board this week, and pull an ancient story out of his fucking hat... although this time, obviously with a new twist...
... or a missing one, really...
In Thursday’s column (or Friday’s... whatever), Marty York wrote in the Toronto Metronews that Jamal Magloire of the New Orleans Hornets had desperately tried to get himself a trade to Toronto (his hometown). And yes, that much of the story was true...
He then continues on, claiming that New Orleans asked for Toronto’s Morris Peterson (a career 12PPG, inconsistent swingman) for Jamal Magloire in a trade (a career 15PPG, legit centre), and then lambasted the Toronto staff for not pulling the trigger on that trade... and yes, it was confirmed that such a trade offer was proposed...
... or in terms of players alone, at least...
I mean, didn’t anyone else but me notice, that something just didn’t seem right about that whole fucking trade offer there?...
Only in Toronto, where fucking fans think a trade of Tie Domi for Daniel Alfredsson would end up "raping" the Leafs in the end, could anyone ever possibly believe that New Orleans would ever consider pulling the trigger on a goddam Jamal Magloire for Morris Peterson deal straight up...
I mean seriously, how many fucking legit centres are there in the league these days? Five? Six? And how many Morris Peterson’s do you see on a team in any given night? About the same damn number, pretty damn much...
Obviously in the trade offer, there were draft picks involved. And goddammit, did New Orleans ever try to rape the fucking Raptors when it came to fucking draft picks...
It was rumoured before the NBA draft this year, and fucking CONFIRMED after the draft from both sides of the deal, that New Orleans offered to trade Jamal Magloire to the Toronto Raptors... for?...
... wait for it...
... ahem...
Morris Peterson, filler (either Eric or Aaron Williams), the 7th overall draft pick, and the 16th overall draft pick...
In essence, the trade would’ve been this: Jamal Magloire (an injured centre now past his prime), for Morris Peterson (decent defensive swingman), Eric Williams (solid defensive veteran), Charlie Villanueva (now a contender for rookie of the year), and Joey Graham (another solid defensive swingman)...
And notice how Marty fucking York just seemed to conveniently forget all about the fucking draft picks in the goddam equation?...
I mean seriously, WHAT THE FUCK WAS NEW ORLEANS THINKING?!?...
And once Toronto inked both Charlie Villanueva and Joey Graham to rookie deals (preventing them from being in any trade offers until December 15th of this year, according to the NBA rules), it was confirmed that Toronto gave back a new trade offer to New Orleans... a trade offer of Morris Peterson, filler and the protected Denver 1st round draft pick next year, for fucking Jamal Magloire...
... and hell, I still think that second offer was giving up too damn much...
Toronto had tried to get Jamal Magloire, and that was the best damn reasonable offer we could give. But think about what Jamal Magloire was actually traded for...
Jamal was traded to the Milwaukee Bucks for Desmon Mason (a better swingman than Morris Peterson may ever be) and an unprotected first round draft pick. Which means what? Which means, if the Bucks somehow tank the year, New Orleans could luck out and get the first damn overall draft pick in 2006...
... I ask the Bucks management then, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!?...
It’s no wonder why New Orleans just ignored Toronto in the deal-making process then. They got a far superior deal from another team, and they played their cards correctly...
Desmon Mason is the kind of player we in Toronto wished Morris Peterson would one day become. And while the Bucks pick no longer seems to be lottery bound at this point, keep in mind that this trade was done in the offseason... And looking back at last year’s stats, when the Bucks were sixth worst in the league and Denver was a fucking playoff team (and the top of their division)? Then who’s fucking draft pick in the end would you have assumed had greater value?...
The thing is, like I said earlier, all these fucking footnotes were just conveniently forgotten by Marty fucking York in his article...
Notice how the asshole didn’t even really lie once. He simply stated that the trade would’ve been Morris Peterson for Jamal Magloire, and that Toronto had turned it down... He never once mentioned that Charlie V and Joey Graham were included in the god-awful trade offer as well, and that’s damn well why he’s goddam making the news rounds this past goddam week...
I have literally heard already from three damn casual Raptors fans out there, that the Toronto Raptors management needs to be fired now for not doing the Morris Peterson for Magloire trade. I have already fucking heard random complaints from random people on the GO train, that Rob Babcock must be the dumbest GM in the league for not making that deal...
I have even heard shuffling reports that thanks to Toronto management, Jamal Magloire may never want to come back to his hometown of Toronto ever again. And seriously, if he’s pouting over not being traded for fucking CV3, Joey Graham, and goddam Mo Pete all at once, then he deserves to fucking stay the hell out of the city along with Wince fucking Carter...
What the hell is Marty York’s problem? Is he really that much of a goddam attention whore, that he would twist and churn the facts of ancient stories from the past, just to get his goddam name back into the headlines?
Hell, it was confirmed months ago what the real trade deal would’ve been, and yet still he manages to make it all seem as if he broke the stunning news of just how goddam dumb our management really is? What the fuck?...
Doesn’t out management do that enough by itself, without the aid of goddam tabloid shit? WTF?...
Fucking goddammit... why must he hate freedom?...
"Knock knock."
"Who’s there?"
"Owen."
"Owen who?"
"Owen nine. Raptors suck."
Ah, yes... the whole nine yards...
...
It’s one and nine now though, baby! You better believe it!
Break out the salami and cheese! Raptors win, Raptors win, Raptors win!
I mean, watching the Celtics game on Friday against the Raptors, it was like our team didn’t want to win the goddam game... They instead just chose to relax and take the fourth quarter off, and I knew in my heart that they really wanted to go the full nine yards, and get their first goddam win against fucking Miami this afternoon...
... I just never thought that I would be goddam right, that’s all...
In the fourth quarter today, the Toronto Raptors absolutely decimated one of the best teams in the league. Now, sure they were missing out on Shaq and Jason Williams. But the Heat still had Dwayne "Pretty Boy" Wade, their Jordan-esque franchise player who posted 33 points and a near triple double today...
But Wade who?...
There’s a reason why I still would take Chris Bosh over Dwayne Wade in the 2003 draft, and today’s game definitely proved why... 27 points, 12 rebounds, and 3 damn blocks, all from a Chris Bosh that now averages 20/11, and leads the league in goddam double doubles... all at the fucking age of just 21...
Just call him Mr. Tim Hortons then...
... or Timmy for short, considering he even paid tribute to Tim fucking Duncan with that brilliant bank shot of his near the end of the game...
It’s been a frustrating season so far for the Raptors, I definitely do agree. Jalen Rose has been pouting from his first ever zero point game since 1998, Mo Pete apparently can’t play at home let alone on the road anymore, and Mike James thinks he’s a pure shooting guard even when he’s playing the point...
But this afternoon, things were a bit different. It was a total team effort, a total team victory, and showed exactly why the Toronto Raptors are a much better team than their 0-9 record going into the game would suggest...
Charlie Villanueva is proving all the critics wrong, being an absolute beast on the offensive boards. Joey Graham still isn’t the lockdown defender we had hoped he would be, but his sheer aggressiveness has been shown in spades, from dual alley-oops a couple games to two attempted posterizations this afternoon...
Jose Calderon has already had issues with fatigue and Nash-oriented defence (cut off the passing lanes, force the shot) this season so far. But after just 26 minutes of play, he got nine damn assists out there in the game today, and ran the basketball floor like a true general. He’s already the best point guard we’ve ever had since Alvin Williams was healthy, and what more can you really ask for from a free agent that basically costs us nothing?...
... he really does love freedom... sniff sniff...
Hell, even Hoffa got into the act today. When he was original drafted, Babcock said it best that the guy has a "hockey mentality", and that Toronto fans would love him... umm, yeah... things didn’t exactly pan out as planned...
Well, I guess the constant booing at home ain’t exactly helping Araujo at the foul-line, but the refs certainly did do him some favours today. Alonzo was breaking every damn rule in the book with his goddam elbows in the paint, so what else could Hoffa do but become the bruiser that he is and fight the hell back?... It was like a fucking Tie Domi, Die Hard fight the whole game through between those two. And considering how damn much we hate fucking Alonzo here in Toronto? Then suddenly maybe Babcock’s initial prediction doesn’t feel so fucking off...
Of course, even with Bosh averaging almost 25 points and 12 rebounds in his last five or so games, Toronto still isn’t good enough to ever contend for a decent playoff berth, let alone the championship... and thus, as a rebuilding team, I do have a few interesting trade scenarios to offer...
... of course, as a fanatical Leafs fan?... this will be good...
... ahem...
First of all, trade Jalen Rose and Mike James to the New York Knicks for Penny Hardaway, Nate Robinson, Jackie Butler, and the San Antonio first round draft pick...
Why does New York do this trade? Sure, every Knicks fan would instantly turn down this trade, considering they’re the Leafs fans of fucking basketball (hell, some wouldn’t even trade Channing Frye for Kevin Garnett – even we Torontonians aren’t that fucked up)... But really, considering they gave up their unprotected first round draft pick to Chicago for Eddy fucking Curry? Then the NY team is under heavy pressure to definitely make the playoffs this year, and this trade with Toronto would definitely get them a lot closer to their goal...
Jalen Rose may no longer be starter material, but he is instant offence off the bench. He’s far more consistent in crunch time than Jamal Crawford ever was, and definitely would pull a VC on us and suddenly have a career season again after a trade... Mike James though speaks for himself. Not only is he putting up career numbers in this contract season of his (16 points per game, with scores of 36 pts, 38 pts, and 25 pts on three separate nights), but he has fucking won a fucking championship with Larry Brown before. Larry Brown loves this guy, as he’s the ultimate team player off the bench and already has 100% bought into the Larry Brown defensive rotation mindset...
Why do the Raptors make this trade? Well, Jalen and Mike James are the two guys who win for us games right now (until Bosh truly becomes clutch), but we don’t want to win games. We want to win the goddam lottery sweepstakes instead, while rebuilding with youth in the process... Penny Hardaway is an expiring contract, who won’t make a sound while sitting in a suit on the bench. Jackie Butler is a decent rebounder, but really is just extra trade bait for another team considering we already have Pape Sow...
Nate Robinson is who we want though. We need another point guard, and Nate definitely has the skills to be the PG we need. A backcourt tandem of Jose Calderon, Nate Robinson, and later Roko Ukic would make for perhaps the most solid point guard line-up that the Toronto Raptors have ever had in history...
... and of course, a draft pick is just gravy... and also goddam expected, from a GM as dumbass as Isiah Thomas...
After that trade, where I believe New York gets better in the short run, and Toronto improves in the long run (which suits both of our respective goals, might I add)? Then I don’t know... I heard Peja Stojakovic was on the trade block as well...
Now, I have no clue who we can give up for him. Let the Kings have their pick of Mo Pete, Eric Williams, Aaron Williams, Penny Hardaway, Jackie Butler, Matt Bonner, or whoever else really on our roster... besides our key players, that is...
Peja is an expiring contract, who probably would only resign with us for a near max-contract. So why the hell would we ever give up huge assets to just get him in a rebuilding year?... Still, as long as no draft picks are involved, and our core line-up of Bosh, Charlie V, Joey Graham, Calderon, and maybe even Hoffa remains untouched? Then I'll be for any goddam trade...
... pfft... as if Sacramento would ever pull the trigger on that sort of shitastic deal...
Still, I’m a Leafs fan, so I can dream that any trade scenario insanely in our favour would work, right? Hell, I’d even take Shareef Abdur-Rahim from them... I’d think that Sacramento would fucking thank us for taking the SAR curse off their hands. I mean seriously, has a team with the guy ever even gotten close to a goddam playoff spot, even if they had all the talent in the world to do so? Is it any coincidence then, that Sacramento starts fucking sucking the very season that they inherit the SAR curse of the world?...
Trade him to Toronto then along with Peja! It’s not like we want to win this season anyhew... And goddammit, here in Toronto, we love SARS! Give us SARS, goddammit! It’s not like Canada has never dealt with it before!...
... because just imagine a Toronto Raptors line-up of the following after the 2006 NBA Draft...
... ahem...
C: Jamal Magloire, Tiago Splitter, Rafael Araujo
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Shareef Abdur-Rahim
SF: Peja Stojakovic, Rudy Gay, Matt Bonner
SG: Morris Peterson, Joey Graham, Anthony Parker
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Nate Robinson
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Stephen Graham
Now, I have no fucking clue on the face of the planet, how the fuck Jamal Magloire and TJ Ford both got in there... Maybe the Bucks GM will eventually have a massive Toys-R-Us, $15 CDN, all-DS-games brain fart, and trade his two damn players to Toronto for a gas shortage, a flock of seagulls, and that’s about it?...
Either way, now that’s the team I want to see in fucking downtown Toronto next year...
I don’t care if it’s virtually impossible to achieve. Afterall, I’m going with the Marty fucking York principle here...
Meaning what? Meaning, I’m a Leafs fan, and I’m insane...
Rob Babcock, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
DO IT.
DO IT.
DO IT.
Otherwise, I’ll have to ask you just one damn question before firing your ass...
Why must you hate freedom?...
...
Even if my dream Raptors roster will never come true, I’m still on Cloud 9, thanks to today’s win against Miami...
... or should I say, Cloud 1 and 9?...
I mean, we’re the comeback Toronto Raptors kids afterall, following in the footsteps of last year’s Baby Bulls...
Because at 0-9?... heh...
... we have the NBA league right where we want them...
Touche...
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite...
Because if there’s only one thing that I hate worse than the Toronto Raptors losing?...
... it’s Marty fucking goddam York...
And if there’s one thing that I hate more than even him?... well?...
... it’s goddam fucking Sony...
And if there’s anything goddam even worse than Sony in the world?...
... it’s fucking goddam racists...
And even worse than them?...
... fuck, isn’t it obvious?...
... it’s the goddam, fucking French...
Fuck you, Frenchies. Fuck you...
And hells bells, if there is any real reason in the entire goddam world to hate the French?...
... then, well?... I think you get the idea...
... or not?... but that’s besides the point...
And why, God, why?... well...
It’s American Thanksgiving, afterall...
... and it’s freedom baby, yeah...
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
Y2kk Update: Hurricane Wilma.
Another week, another disaster...
... 2005 is definitely not the year of fucking ‘Yabba Dabba Do’...
Wilma seemingly came out nowhere. I checked one morning, and it was a damn Category 1 hurricane, barely worth mentioning whatsoever... And then the next morning, it was suddenly a Category 5 storm, and the most powerful hurricane ever recorded in history yet? WTF?...
At least it didn’t strike the Mexican and Florida coasts with its full fury. As weird as it is to say, the continent was spared the full wrath of the hurricane, as Wilma died down to ‘just’ a Category 3 shit storm by the next morning or whatever...
Still, while at least there was only minimal deaths from this hurricane disaster (unlike Katrina), that still doesn’t change the fact that dozens of towns were flooded, and that thousands of homes were uprooted or destroyed... While the devastation is thankfully not up there with what happened in the lost city of New Orleans, it still fucking blows your mind to consider that Wilma is just yet another story of destruction, in a year where I can’t help but find myself writing about all of mother nature’s nasty shit on this Tweakui website of mine...
Right now, Hurricane Beta is tearing apart the landscape of South America, breaking all previous records of the most hurricanes in a single goddam season...
Hell, it really says something about the state of the world right now, when meteorologists aren’t even bothering to properly name their fucking hurricanes anymore... I mean seriously, "Beta"? As in the Greek alphanumeric number shit, and the goddam lost cause of the Sony BetaMax? WTF?...
I’m praying that 2005 was just an anomaly in the history books... I mean, it’s true that the world has experienced terrible natural disasters in years before, so it’d not that there hasn’t ever been a precedent. And at least we haven’t experienced a goddam Spanish plague or anything (not yet, that is... knock on All Hallow’s Eve wood)...
But between the Indonesian tsunami, the Pakistan earthquake, the Katrina disaster, and now the fucking Wilma Hurricane? Something just doesn’t feel right about the world we’re living in somehow...
I don’t know... I hope that’s just the sensationalist, fucking hot secretary inside of me talking...
Afterall, I remember being in goddam high school, and hearing people goddam talk as if the Kosovo Crisis was the beginning of World War 3... the imagination can really run rampant when just anything goes wrong in your young lifetimes...
Either way though, that doesn’t change the fact that Florida is now underwater, that New Orleans is still struggling to reopen for business, and that one my friends at university lost a friend to the rubble back in Pakistan...
...
It’s kind of strange, really. We Northerners, up here in Canada and the Union parts of America (go Civil War...), have so little to cry about this past year in terms of natural disasters and whatnot... That not only are we still whining about the possibility of SARS, Bird Flu and Legionnaires disease up here in Toronto? But that we have so little to care about up here, that apparently some of us are choosing to whine about goddam iPods in the goddam Supreme Court...
If you haven’t heard the ridiculous story now, a group of iPod loyalists are suing Apple for making cruddy ass iPod Nano’s. Apparently, the screens get easily scratched up from keys and knives and other sharp fucking objects that you slice them with...
... and, umm? This is supposed to be shocking news somehow? WTF?...
Now, the saddest part is, these iPod fanatics aren’t just trying to get their money back from their iPods (hell, Apple has already sent them free replacements). They’re actually suing Apple for fucking emotional damage, and want a share of the goddam iPod profits as fucking compensation...
I state again...
They want the fucking profits from the fucking iPod craze...
I repeat again...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?
The thing is, iPods have always sucked in quality. Since when has this been news?... Though yes, if you did ask a common Joe Smoe on the streets, chances are that the survey says, the newer iPods are made with less scratch resistant materials than they used to be...
But it doesn’t matter how fucking scratch resistant something is. The fact of the matter is, if you put a fucking LCD screen into your fucking pocket along with your keys and fucking pocket knives (which these iPod suers do), then common fucking sense dictates that something is gonna get fucked up real bad...
... though normally, that doesn’t include the fucking company itself... but Apple fanatics have never really been big on common sense, now have they?...
So let me get this straight... These so-called Apple-philes, think that they’re actually helping the company that they’ve loved for years, by suing their asses and robbing them of their profits, to teach Steve fucking Jobs the meaning of old skool Apple quality again? WTF?...
Some of them actually believe that. The whole Robin Hood, hero complex sort of thing... although obviously, most of the people suing are just in it for the goddam money...
I mean really, a share of the iPod profits? A SHARE OF THE IPOD PROFITS? WTF?... How the fuck is that supposed to repair your emotional damages, of seeing your fucking iPod screen all scratched up, and ruining your goddam image that Apple is God?...
... well... I suppose a few hundred million worth of dollars would soften the blow...
But seriously, what the fuck did these fanboy loonies expect? That you could fucking repeatedly scratch the screen with a loonie, scorch the surface with a blowtorch, and fucking nail the fucker with your own motherfucking cock, and that everything would still be clean and dandy and a shining white knight in armour at the end?...
... well, after all that, it would definitely still be white in the end... but as for the rest? What the fuck are these morons thinking?...
Does it really matter though? Fucking iPods suck donkey balls in the first place, motherfuckers...
... though the iPod Video does look fucking sexy as hell...
Still, if suing Apple’s ass is what it means to be a fucking fanatic? Then throw me off of the goddam bandwagon while I still have my fucking sanity intact...
God, I hate fucking fanboys...
...
... with that said though?...
GO LEAFS GO!!!
GO LEAFS GO!!!
You only lost 8-0 to Ottawa on the weekend! But don’t worry! That loss means nothing!
This will still be the year!
This will still be the year!
GO LEAFS GO!!!
GO LEAFS GO!!!
GO MOTHERFUCKING LEAFS GO!!!...
... bah... who am I kidding?...
I might as well just cheer for the goddam Toronto Raptors, as even they have a better shot at winning the fucking Stanley Cup than the Leafs do this year...
The NBA preseason is finally over. And the Raptors ended their run with a 3-5 record or some shit like that... if you fucking include the fucking embarrassing loss to Israel’s Tel Aviv team, that is...
God, we’ll never live that down...
... but at least, it took our minds off of the goddam Vince Carter trade for a goddam day... just one goddam day, at least...
The thing is, I know that this is probably just the inner fanboy speaking in me. Afterall, this is only preseason, the time when worthless pieces of shit like John Salmons on Philadelphia and Tierre "Preseason" Brown of the LA Lakers can drop thirty-plus points on fucking superior teams....
... but still, I just can’t help but see a glimmer of hope in the Toronto Raptors this year, especially after reading what they managed to improve and accomplish these past four or five games (since the embarrassing loss to Tel Aviv, at least)...
Jose Calderon, our new point guard from the Spanish Tau team, hasn’t been the miracle that I was hoping he would be. He sounds shaky with the ball at times, as the one way to truly defend a true point guard like him, is prevent him from making the goddam pass... He doesn’t want to shoot the ball, and that was exactly what we wanted in a point guard. The only problem is, if he can’t shoot worth a damn, then suddenly he becomes as one dimensional as any one of the shoot first PG’s we’ve had all these past years...
Lucky for us, Calderon definitely has the makings of a decent shot. His jumper doesn’t sink all the time, and he’s still learning the NBA 3-pt line, but he can definitely drive to the basket. And more important than that, the guy is already smart enough to figure out that if you drive hard to the basket in the NBA, somebody will come over to double team, freeing up one of your teammates in the process...
Calderon has been an absolute blessing for Charlie Villanueva and Rafael Araujo because of this. And I’m confident that it’s only a matter of years until Calderon becomes one of the premier, pass-first point guards in the whole fucking league...
Charlie Villanueva has been the real goddam surprise for me though. He leads all rookies in the league in points per game by a wide margin, and has proven himself to be a real jack-of-all trades, nailing the three point shot from almost every single venue on the arc... Sure, his free throw shooting could be improved (Bosh’s was horrid in his first year as well). And yeah, it’s confusing as to why a huge man like Charlie would only get 5 or 6 rebounds a game...
But really, even if this is only preseason? Charlie has proven without a shadow of a doubt, that he is the most NBA-ready player in the entire 2005 draft. He’s killing the top draft picks in PPG, and his hardcore work ethic is busting out steals and opposing team turnovers at a shocking rate... And at only the age of 20, he’s starting to look like the fucking steal of the draft, especially after all those ESPN comments about fucking Rob Babcock being robbed...
CV is our fucking anti-VC, dunking and posterizing his way into the hearts of fans... I liked Charlie before the draft, and I liked him after the draft. But I was never quite sure if he deserved his 7th pick status, not until now at least... Because now? Holy shit, does the man have skills. I’ll find him more than worth his draft position, if he can score 12 PPG and 5 RPG in the regular season, let alone the fucking 17 PPG and 6 RPG he’s getting right now...
Now, there’s still a huge part of me that wishes we had gotten Danny Granger in the NBA draft with the Raptors’ 16th pick. I mean, if it wasn’t for his knee surgery in university, I’m sure Babcock would’ve taken him... The guy is probably the next most NBA ready player next to Charlie Villanueva. His rebounding skills are amazing, and his defensive prowess is almost right up there with Joey Graham’s...
The thing is, while the comparisons between the two may plague and haunt us Raptors fans for years, Joey Graham is still quite a steal of the draft in his own right. Watching videos of him during the preseason, Graham is already perhaps the best damn defender on the team. Whether he was against scrubs or top NBA all-stars, he showed with all his heart that he could shut down the best of them... I love that he’s strong enough to post-up against power forwards in the paint. And I love the fact that he has the lateral quickness to stay ahead of even fucking shooting guards around the arc...
His offence is still hit or miss though, quite literally actually. While CV is our anti-VC, Joey Graham ironically enough, is our new Vince Carter... He has the strength and speed to drive hard to the lane, and posterize the competition every single fucking time. Yet, for some odd reason, Joey Graham just doesn’t seem like he has the will to do just that... He has a smooth shot, I’ll give him that. He can hit the three pointer like VC could, and his jump shot ranks up there with the best on this team. But really, the last thing the Raps needed is another jump shooter on the squad...
Still, his 10 PPG and 4RPG in preseason is more than welcome enough on a team starved for talent... and any team, let alone the fucking Raptors, would be desperate for a player of his defensive caliber...
The only other true defender on the Toronto Raptors is Morris fucking Peterson. The thing is, the damn guy still hasn’t learned to fucking play on opposing, unfamiliar, basketball courts...
He’s fucking Mo Pete of Borg...
Hell, it took him three fucking games (or phaser shots) to adapt to the new Raptors court at the Air Canada Centre. Before the Tel Aviv game, he was what? 2 for 20 in shot percentage?... After he finally seemed to find his groove, he suddenly started nailing almost 20 PPG, and kept showing the defensive flash and flare that keeps conning me into considering him a fan favourite of mine every single fucking season... no matter how bad he is away from home...
He truly is the definition of Heart Attack Hockey in TO, even though he fucking doesn’t play for the Leafs...
But regardless of his offensive consistency woes, with Mo Pete and Joey Graham on the perimeter (and Mike James as well, to some extent)? Suddenly, things are looking brighter for the big kids on the inside of the arc...
Absolutely the biggest surprise of the preseason has been Rafael Araujo. Seriously, it’s like coach Sam Mitchell just flicked on a light switch in the guy or something...
When I was watching a game at the ACC (on the monitors outside, at least), I saw a Hoffa that was so fucking bad, that he got booed by our own fans for letting a rebound ball squirt out of his hands and out of bounds... Then what happens? Sam Mitchell lets Araujo foul out of a game for the first time in his career, and just suddenly Hoffa becomes the next Eddy Curry in stats, putting up 12 PPG and 4 RPG or some shit like that?...
The thing is, I think all us Raptor fans had him pegged for something he’s not. He is not a good defender, and he is simply not the rebounder we all wanted him to be... We expected him to be the next Brad Miller when it comes to stopping Shaq, and getting 12 rebounds a night in the process. But that turned out to be the shit that Hoffa sucks at, getting tons of fouls in the process all prior season long...
If I’ve learned anything this preseason, it’s that Araujo will never deserve his 8th overall draft selection, but can definitely turn out to be a solid 15PPG player on the Raptors someday. He is a legitimate centre who somehow can’t rebound worth a damn, but is good enough to fucking box out the competition and tip the ball to his teammates on the perimeter time and time again... if he stays smart enough not to fucking jump and lose his fucking position, that is...
He’s playing with a ton of heart and soul and confidence right now, and why?... Some would say it’s because Jose Calderon passes to him on the floor, yet Hoffa has been doing well even without the Spaniard on the court to help. And some say it’s because our improved defensive perimeter is preventing Hoffa from needlessly taking fouls on shooting guards in the lane, but that’s only a small part of it as well if you ask me...
I saw the spark start to burn in Hoffa the moment he fouled out of a game for the first time. He was so damn scared of that ever happening to him before, that it really seemed like he let that fear rule his career... Now that it has finally happened, it’s like he doesn’t give a damn about it anymore. He just goes out there on the court and plays with his heart... And hopefully that’ll be enough that we Raptors fans won’t boo the fat bastard on our own goddam court any longer, but that’s some wishful thinking for another day...
... and now? The preseason disappointments...
Mike James has proven himself to be no better than Rafer Alston overall... He has a better shot, but just as bad of a shot selection. And he doesn’t nearly have as much of drive to the lane and dish as Rafer did... He’s obviously much more defensive on the perimeter, but not nearly as much as I had hoped from reading scouting reviews. And he’s definitely not the pass first PG we’ve all been looking for, as he chucks up just as many bad shots as ol’ Alston did...
The one big improvement I have seen from this Houston trade has been team chemistry. Players seem to be enjoying themselves out there on the court much more so far than they did the year before... Then again, this is only preseason. Last year, the Raptors were scrounging about for just 30 damn wins in a 80 game season. So let’s see then, if the team chemistry keeps up in the same situation as we were in last year...
To be honest? I don’t really want the Toronto Raptors to win a bunch of games this year, otherwise we’d lose our chance at winning the fucking draft lottery this year... I would love a Rudy Gay or Tiago Splitter on this team. And winning simply won’t give us a damn good chance at that (unless we lucked out like Detroit did with Darko... if you count Darko as lucking out, that is...)...
And honestly, probably the only damn reason I want the Raps to win this year, is for Chris fucking Bosh. I saw the tears in his eyes at the end of the season last year, and I’d hate to think what would happen if I had to see the tears again this year...
The ironic thing though, is that Bosh by far has been the most worrying factor on the Toronto Raptors in preseason so far. He’s getting no more than 10PPG and maybe 5 RPG (if you don’t include his 27/12 performance against Tel Aviv, that is), and doesn’t seem like he’s getting into the flow of any of the matches...
I mean, yes I know he was struggling with the flu. And yes, I know he was experimenting a lot with his new post moves and hookshots... Yes, I know that he was pretty much just letting the rookies play, passing the ball and getting five APG by practically just tossing to Hoffa and Charlie Villanueva the whole damn game through...
... and yes, I know this is just preseason...
... but you know, that’s kind of the problem?...
Except for the Israeli game (where you could tell he didn’t want to lose), Chris Bosh just didn’t give a damn about any of the preseason games. And why should he, right? They don’t affect his stats, they don’t affect our season record, and they don’t affect the massive, max contract I’m sure we’ll extend him with at the end of the year...
But the thing is, it’s weird seeing a Chris Bosh that just doesn’t care. He didn’t put any effort into the defensive side of his game this preseason, and it seems like he doesn’t even want to bother to go for the rebounds anymore... if there ain’t anything really in it for him, that is...
It’s almost like watching Vince Carter on the court again... without all the bitching and whining and complaining and injuries, of course...
... not yet, at least...
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Chris Bosh, and I have a good feeling he’ll average 20 PPG and 10 RPG this season, at least...
I just get this horrible feeling of deja vu though, of what will happen as soon as the Raptors give him the $10 million or more max contract, for five goddam guaranteed years... Every player wants to win. The only problem is, if he loses all hope of winning on this team? Things can definitely go bad...
Just take a look at fucking Jalen Rose for example...
Now, Jalen is a true clutch player, always jump-starting the Raptors offence with his hugely critical jump shots. The only problem is, he won’t stop fucking shooting after we do finally get the momentum... He’s a momentum shifter for both teams on the court, no matter what uniform he’s wearing. He gets the Raptors back into the game, and then fucking loses it for us by hogging the ball for himself... He’s both the hero and the scapegoat at the same damn time, and always in the spotlight at least. He ain’t in the Fab 5 anymore, you know. Somebody wanna please tell him that?...
He’s simply awesome as a sixth man, ala Ricky Davis style. But he should not be the first scoring option on a team with both Chris Bosh and Charlie Villanueva, yet Rose simply refuses to accept it...
Still, there are always games where The Rose is in full bloom. His near triple-double against Portland almost made me forget that he’s hogging $16 million of Raptors cap room this year...
... almost made me forget, at least...
So that’s why, I propose a trade. A trade that I know Raptors fans would hate for years, but strangely enough, would be fair for both sides of the coin...
I propose to trade Jalen Rose and Aaron Williams to the New York Knicks...
... for Antonio Davis, Jamal Crawford, and Trevor Ariza... and a future first round draft pick (if NY has any of those left...), just for taking Jamal Crawford’s fucking god-awful contract, that is...
Now, it’s obvious why New York would do a trade like this...
First of all, Isiah Thomas is a moron. We Raptors fans know that best...
Second, they want to unload Antonio Davis. He’s just gonna whine and gripe and bitch on that Knicks’ bench, acting as a pure cancer in the locker room, and taking up a roster space away from Jackie Butler... A 3 for 2 trade deal with the Raptors would not only free up a roster space for Butler, but give Isiah Thomas a true scorer (and perhaps sixth man of the year) in Jalen Rose, not to mention some cap relief from the expiring contract of Aaron Williams...
And third, isn’t it obvious? Jamal Crawford’s contract is an abomination to mankind. He may only be making $6 million for now, but he’ll be making $10 million on the same damn contract five fucking years down the road... Even if it means unloading Trevor Ariza (who wouldn’t get much playing time behind Quentin Richardson and Jalen Rose anyhew) and a first round draft pick, Isiah Thomas will be saving a ton of cash for his team in the future through this trade...
And if he really wanted Trevor Ariza back? Couldn’t he just overpay him with the MLE after the season is done, like the Knicks do with all goddam free agents on the market?...
The question is... why would the Raptors take this deal?...
Well, the first rounder and Trevor Ariza are no brainers. Whenever you can get youth, and youth on the cheap, you take it... even if there is no guarantee that Ariza would stick around after the year is up...
Jamal Crawford may have one of the worst contracts in the history of the league, but he’s a younger version of Jalen Rose that might, just might, be willing to be the sixth man off the bench that the Toronto Raptors so desperately needs... The problem with Rose has never been his talent, but the fact that he’s a 16 million dollar man of a starter. He refused to sit on the bench, when really, posting-up second liners was the best thing he ever did for this team...
Crawford is a cancer, yes. He jacks up shots, and hogs the damn ball... But he still is instant offence off of the bench (if he would just accept that role). He is still a decent passer and a great scorer. And at least he costs way less than Jalen Rose does in the short run... And who knows? Two years down the road, maybe a playoff contender would trade an expiring contract for Jamal Crawford, like Houston did for Rafer Alston’s massive contract?...
Antonio Davis is the funny part though. Why the fuck would the Raptors ever want that motherfucking traitor back?...
... heh... well, just so that we Toronto Raptors fans can finally get us some goddam pay-back, that’s all...
I just want him to suffer the absolute joy, of being forced to retire as a goddam Toronto Raptor...
I just want him to suffer the fucking consequences, of getting fucking booed by the Toronto Raptors fans every single fucking night of the year...
I want us to savour the fucking moment, of fucking screwing him over with suspension fines every single fucking time he gripes and moans...
But even more important than all that?...
I just want to fucking force his fucking goddam children, to fucking relearn the goddam metric system!...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...
... and oh yes, he can rebound too... which truth be told, is exactly what we need...
But if things don’t quite turn out right with him on the team? Since Portland is looking for an expiring contract, so that they can afford to overpay and keep Przybilla in the coming offseason?... then, well...
I propose a follow-up trade from the New York Knicks one then...
The Toronto Raptors trade Antonio Davis and Loren Woods to Portland...
... for Ruben Patterson, Jarrett Jack, and their trade exception (provided that they still have it)...
Why do the Trailblazers take this trade? Sure, they’d hate to give up Jarrett Jack. But if they don’t do this trade, they’ll lose their star centre at the end of the year. And considering they still have Martell Webster and Sebastian Telfair to build around, why the hell wouldn’t they sacrifice a low-tier PG to keep one of the best big men in the entire league?... Antonio Davis and Loren Woods are both expiring contracts. They’re both worth their weight in gold to Portland right now, considering opposing teams will overpay like hell to get a decent, legit centre on their team...
Why do the Raptors take this trade? Well... Ruben Patterson is a decent replacement for Jalen Rose. His contract ends in two years, and he definitely would agree to be a great seventh man on the bench... Jarrett Jack meanwhile, is a player that I wish the Raptors could’ve drafted this year. He ain’t worth nearly as much as a Joey Graham or a Danny Granger, but definitely was one of the better PGs in the draft...
... and of course, since in my own little Raptors world, Toronto can make any damn miraculous trade that they want for Jamal Magloire?...
Then I propose to dump our trash of Eric Williams and Mike James to the Milwaukee Bucks...
... for Jamal Magloire and TJ Ford...
Believe it!
I believe this news!
I mean, the Bucks fans sure do miss Mike James, now don’t they?...
So Babcock, make it happen!
(... the Babcocks on both teams, really...)...
So after all the trades are done? The Toronto Raptors team will look sort of like this...
... ahem...
C: Jamal Magloire, Rafael Araujo, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Matt Bonner
SF: Joey Graham, Ruben Patterson, Trevor Ariza
SG: Morris Peterson, Jamal Crawford, Alvin Williams
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Jarrett Jack
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Stephen Graham
Waived: Alonzo Mourning, Lamond Murray
That’s definitely a good enough team, to challenge the fucking New Jersey Nets for supremacy in our own fucking, worthless division, at least... Yay for us...
So like I said before... Babcock, make it fucking happen!
...
... Bah... I do like to dream the Babcock, cock-sucking pipe dreams, now don’t I?...
Guess it’s at least better than fucking suing Apple over <Gasp! Horror! Shock and awe!>, LCD screens getting scratched up by fucking nuclear bombs in your pockets...
But up here in the North? This is sadly what we do think about, considering we have no natural predators, and considering mother nature hasn’t tried to fucking incest her way right up our asses just quite yet...
We did have an earthquake in Ontario the other week though, by the way...
Yup. We got a fucking massive, 4.0 tremor on the Richter Scale while we were goddam sleeping...
... hell, nobody even knew that it had happened, until we woke the fuck up at our regular times in the morning and checked the goddam internet...
Guess that puts some things into perspective, now doesn’t it?...
... another week, another disaster...
As what else can I really do, but just wish the world once again?...
... a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...
... and hope that the wish actually works this goddam time...
Monday, October 10th, 2005
Y2kk Update: Happy Thanksgiving, America.
Well... Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, I mean...
You know, that useless holiday of us Canucks, that we ripped off from the Americas?... yet set it on a completely different date, just to show and prove and state that we’re better than all you Americans?...
... yeah, that holiday...
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving then, America.
Beats the hell out of Columbus Day, at least...
... well, crappy ass Columbus holiday or not, for a while there I was worried for the US. I mean, I know the FBI declared it a hoax and everything, but a terrorist attack on the New York subway lines on 10/10 (meaning today, obviously) somehow has a ring to it that’s all too familiar... hoax or not, at least that’s one global crisis possibly averted...
... of course, since I’m writing a Y2kk Update here (and I only fucking write Tweakui updates when a global calamity strikes), obviously something in the world is not fine...
An earthquake measuring 7.6 on the Richter Scale hit the border of India, Pakistan, and parts of Afghanistan on the weekend. The death toll now stands at a fucking twenty thousand, with as many of another ten thousand expected to soon be tolled to the death knell...
What can I really say about the situation? It’s terrible. I have so many friends from India and Pakistan... and while I know that they’re all safe, and that their immediate families are all safe, what about their relatives? What about their friends?... I haven’t been to school enough lately to actually figure out how everyone is doing there. But in my university, there are just so many people that I know from that region, that how can I not be affected by their tragedy?...
I shudder to bring politics into the mix, although I already know a few assholes who have... Just like how I despised and will forever be disgusted by the fact that people used the New Orleans crisis to claim that Bush and the Republicans were all racist pigs, I simply cannot stand the people who also claim that "Allah" was the one who spited the Muslim countries hit by this earthquake (in retaliation for all the references to Allah sinking New Orleans, of course)...
I mean, I personally would never say or mean anything nearly as cruel, especially when I have so many friends from that region who are Muslim. But I’ve heard the same venomous story from a few people around the block, that the people there deserved what mother nature delivered, and it’s just so damn embarrassing for humanity when you do... I mean, I will personally take a thousand shots at any activist that uses national tragedies to justify their hatred for Bush, but I will never ever meaningfully say that somebody deserves or deserved to die...
... well, besides Sony and the fucking Playstation at least... but I’ll get into that a little later on...
The thing is, while at least the whole "racism" card has died down from the activist side, I’m still hearing a whole hurricane of a shit-storm of fucking rhetoric from them, about how global warming is causing all the natural disasters we’ve been having as of late...
From the Indonesian Tsunami, to the follow-up earthquake in the region, to all the hurricanes we’ve been having, to the god-awful seismic activity that leveled so many homes and buildings in Pakistan on the weekend, it’s even hard for a skeptic like me to just sit back and assume everything is for the best...
Now, science has shown that while our recent spat of global devastation is probably the worst we’ve had in our short lifetimes, it is not the worst we’ve had in recorded history, that’s for sure... From all the droughts, plagues, and famines we’ve had in the past 500 years alone, we should all know by now that the 20th century was somehow an idealic weather channel in the annals of time compared to all the rest... and unfortunately for us, we ain’t in the 20th century anymore...
And unfortunately for us again, things are getting pretty fucked up in the world right now. And regardless of whether the increase in hurricane ferocity or earthquake magnitude can be considered natural or not, it still wracks the mind whether everything we are doing to the environment, is somehow helping the globe go badass on our asses... Sooner or later, it was bound to happen. But are we catalyzing the former rather than the latter?...
I’ve never been one to care for that eco-friendly bullshit that most ecologists spout as rhetoric. But I am extremely concerned about the looming energy crisis on our hands... And events like the earthquake on the weekend, definitely at least make it seem like we’re doing something wrong to the world...
Records on paper may show that the Canadian prairies are now an Eden-like wetland compared to how dry and deserted they were back 200 years ago, before motherfucking Canadian Thanksgiving was made up on the spot... But it’s hard to image such a thing today in our own frames of mind, when all of Canada has had such perfect weather in our own fucking lifetimes... fucking nasty winters aside, at least...
Tsunamis in Indonesia, hurricanes in New Orleans, and earthquakes in Pakistan may all be "standard" when it comes to the long term history books (as callous as that may sound to say, with 20000 on the weekend dead already). But when it comes to detailed records of the past 100 years, before hyperbole and exaggeration were truly weeded out?...
... I don’t know then. At least compared to all our detailed records, our weather right now really is fucked up...
... and yeah, I am a bit worried...
Of course, rather than biting my nails, I’d rather just shut up all the ugly activists, and fuck all the hot ones with a fucking eager beaver...
... but still... on Canadian Thanksgiving?...
... regardless of how worthless of a made-up holiday it may be?...
... well, I guess I have been given some turkey food for thought afterall...
... and I also give out my prayers, to all those affected by the earthquake tragedy this weekend...
...
Japan’s always been a model for the world, for building earthquake proof structures and economically thriving on a seismic fault line... though last time I checked, their bridges couldn’t survive a 7.6 earthquake either...
But if there’s any fucking building out there that I do wish would collapse? It’s the fucking Sony empire...
I hate Sony.
Fuck you, Sony. Fuck you.
You ran over my dog, you ruined my childhood, and you fucked over my mom twice until she screamed your name, bitch...
... sigh... I envy you...
... good times, good times...
... but tell us how I really feel, eh?...
The thing is, while it’s old skool news now, Nintendo finally revealed their "Sony killer" controller for the upcoming Nintendo Revolution about three or four weeks ago...
Their new controller was said to be a complete revolution in the way we play games. It was said to be the pinnacle of evolution, and something simply so wacky and so damn intuitive, that the entire world would just stand on their heads and pin needles the moment it was revealed... To us Nintendo hardcore legions, this was to be the very damn dagger that would finally raise my fucking Nintendo back onto the Arc de Triumph of a pedestal, where they rightfully belong...
The theories about what the controller could be were running Hogan wild on the net. Some hypothesized that it would be a whole virtual reality system, with the infamous "Nintendo On" headgear actually tricking a large portion of morons into believing it was real... I even remember reading "Megaton" reports, that the new controller wasn’t just a touchscreen, but actually was built of a soft material that was completely pressure sensitive to every single form of touch...
... like a G-spot, really...
... oh yes, like a G-spot... I’d buy that in a heartbeat...
Now, there were a ton of theories out there. But we only really knew one thing...
... that the new Nintendo controller would simply blow us all away...
... and then?... well...
... Nintendo revealed their new controller...
... and it was?...
... a remote control...
... wait a tick...
... huh?...
... hold the phone...
... a remote control?...
... A REMOTE CONTROL?!?...
... WHAT THE FUCK?!?...
And my reaction when I first saw the thing unveiled?...
... ahem...
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?"...
And my reaction after I had a whole day to digest the news?...
... ahem...
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?"...
But regardless of my initial reactions, kudos definitely goes out to Nintendo... For over a fucking year of speculation, I did not read a single thing on the net that accurately described what Nintendo was working on. How the fuck did they hide even the design of their new fucking controller from the fucking public for so damn long, when Microsoft couldn’t (or wouldn’t...) even hide their goddam Perfect Dark Zero Wallguy for four fucking weeks before their fucking awful MTV 360 special?...
The thing is, after a week or more of reading up on everything the new Nintendo controller can do, I have become convinced that as long as Nintendo still offers a traditional style controller for third party games (which they already stated they will), that the new "remote control" controller will truly become a new and exciting way to play video games...
Maybe it’s just the Nintendo fanboy in me, but I’m now really hyped up for what kind of software Nintendo can invent and innovate with this device... While I still obviously love my standard controllers, my list of truly great games this generation of gaming is probably shorter than any other gaming generation beforehand. And I fear that if nobody revolutionizes the industry (as Nintendo did with the NES, and Sony did with the PSX), that my list for next generation will be even goddam smaller...
Alright, so what exactly did the internet speculation get right about the controller?...
We all knew that Nintendo patented gyroscopic controls for the Game Boy Advance, and most likely also for the Nintendo Revolution. The internet took the guessing game even future, and accurately surmised that gyros along with traditional force feedback could be combined for gyroscopic force feedback, or whatever sort of crap...
... and we all knew the controller would be purely wireless... the Gamecube’s Wavebird taught us that...
In our heads though, we all had such a goddam assortment of wacky designs, or completely standard designs for how the controller would actually look... From the VR helmet, to an Xbox controller clone, to even just the goddam Wavebird with a "win" button front and centre, these were the actual ideas that some of us had in our heads...
... most of expected something out of this world...
... a sphere?... a cube?... a prism?...
Now you’re playing with Pyramid Power...
... and then we got...
... a remote control?...
... A REMOTE CONTROL?!?...
... JUST A FUCKING REMOTE CONTROL?!?...
... WHAT THE FUCK?!?...
At first, I was paralyzed, petrified, and absolutely perplexed. The default way to hold the damn thing only had two damn buttons to press (besides the D-pad): an A button and a B-trigger on the back. And how the fuck would that work for most modern day games? Talk about alienating third party developers...
To this day, I still would prefer a few extra buttons. I would replace the two NES-style buttons on the bottom with the traditional SNES four-button diamond layout. And while I would keep the B-trigger on the back, I would add to the side of the remote L and R triggers that would scroll like RIM Blackberry menu triggers can...
But after seeing the video of the controller in action? I can’t help but be convinced, that this is the smartest move that Nintendo has ever done since... well?... since they added a touchscreen to the Nintendo DS. Which wasn’t that long ago, but that’s besides the point...
The video showed the gyroscopes within the Nintendo remote control in action. Thanks to two small sensors located by your television set, this thing can determine the direction, displacement, angle, and fucking arc that you’re moving the thing. Whether you’re rotating it on its axis, or swinging it like a bat, the sensors and gyroscopes detect it all... And according to the hands-on impressions, it’s all so fucking acute and accurate in terms of sensitivity, that you can fucking aim all over the place in first person shooters with just the slightest flick of your wrist on the couch...
Some have complained that holding the controller in mid-air to do cartwheels and moves and shit like that, would tire your wrist in no-time. And that, I will agree with... But so many impressions have clearly stated that you can run, and jump, and snipe, and fucking own mouse users in first person shooters by just laying back in your fucking sofa, and flicking your wrist with even less emphasis as you would by changing the channel on your television remote control...
As a techie (who quite honestly is working on somewhat similar technology for my engineering thesis project), I just want to know how the fuck Nintendo managed to build a prototype that’s this fucking good...
Now, just like with the Nintendo DS, I fully expect the Nintendo Revolution to get a sunshine and lollipops welcoming in Japan, but a lukewam reception at best in North America (and Europe fucking isn’t important at all, bitch...)... Gamers over in Japan already seem bored of getting sequel after sequel after fucking Playstation sequel. But that hasn’t quite happened over here in North America yet, where buying games based on badass image is still the fucking norm...
I do love my Halo’s, but even Halo 2 started feeling goddam redundant by the end...
I want something new.
Like sex.
Like a fucking vibrator.
And guess what? The new Nintendo controller is sleek and thin, and fucking has a rumble strong enough to give any fucking bitch a dozen screaming orgasms a night...
... and it will probably play some sweet ass games, too...
Two for one, two on one, and one for all...
Now, I remember in the past when Nintendo invented the shoulder buttons on the SNES, and I thought it was the greatest fucking innovation ever. Meanwhile, fucking Sega Genesis fans thought it was a fucking waste of time back then. But just look at every fucking controller now...
I remember when Nintendo introduced the Nintendo 64 thumb analog stick, and PSX fans thought it was kiddie as hell... Now, Sega had learned their lesson from the shoulder buttons, and tried to steal the analog stick for Nights as soon as they could. Meanwhile, Sony fucking ripped off the idea later on, and fucking improved it with dual analog controls to steal Nintendo’s thunder... Regardless of who set the modern standard for thumb analogs, we all know who invented it in the first place...
I knew back then that the shoulder buttons would become huge. And I knew back then that the thumb analog sticks would soon be on every controller... I knew the moment that the Nintendo Wavebird was released, that every fucking console afterwards would come standard with a wireless controller. And when it came to the Nintendo DS?... I think I’m even on record somewhere on my websites, stating that the stylus and touchscreen would eventually ruin the Sony PSP in the handheld division (though we have yet to truly see about that)...
... then again, I also thought the Nintendo Virtual Boy would survive at least one fucking year on the market... and until I tried them myself and saw what shit they were (at least compared to the Xbox’s rear triggers), I thought the Gamecube "click" shoulder buttons would become the next big thing as well...
But either way, let me go on record here...
The new Nintendo controller may not bring the company back to the number one spot that it so deserves, just like how the N64 thumb analog couldn’t keep their top dog position all those years ago...
But I truly do believe, that it’s only a matter of time until gyroscopes start showing up in every fucking controller out there...
I mean, Nintendo has themselves a true revolution here...
This time though, the only question is, will they be able to reap the benefits?...
... and rebuild their reputation back up to the fucking pedestal that they deserve?...
Or will Sony simply fucking take the Nintendo remote control, and fucking fuck my sister up right the ass with the vibrator until she screams their name out over and over, bitch...
... though strangely enough, I wouldn’t exactly mind the latter....
...
Nintendo is a company with billions of dollars of liquid cash in the bank, and billions more in assets... They’re a company that makes hundreds of millions of dollars in profit a year, often even beating out the Sony behemoth in the process...
... but they’re also a company with a tarnished record... Just ask the average North American video game fan out there, and they probably wouldn’t even know that Nintendo was still in the game when it comes to the Gamecube...
... fucking mind share and fucking rebuilding your image...
And oh yes, as a Toronto Raptors fan? In the basketball world, the "rebuilding" scene is all too familiar to me...
... of course, the difference is, my Toronto Raptors actually do fucking suck...
They make plenty of profit a year, sure. And they still somehow have one of the top ten attendance records in the entire goddam league...
But the Toronto Raptors fucking suck...
... and it sucks to be stuck in the fucking rebuilding process after so many fucking years, you know?...
... all the way to the point, where we obsess about every little fucking change to our team roster...
Because while it obviously didn’t make huge headlines anywhere else in the basketball world, the Toronto Raptors traded Rafer Alston to Houston for Mike James last week...
Rafer was a headcase, plain and simple. He threatened to quit after being benched in a game or some crap like that, and had to be escorted in tears out of an arena after being challenged to a fight with coach Sam Mitchell or something... While obviously, a coach should never lay their hands on a player (on paper, at least), in real practice shouldn’t a fucking athlete making $4 million a year be mentally tough enough to take this sort of abuse?...
Still, Rafer had some great skills when it came to being a point guard. He could pass the ball magnificently (whenever he didn’t chuck up a horrible jumper, that is), and he could penetrate through the lane seemingly at will (once again, whenever he didn’t chuck up a selfish jumper)... Sure, he couldn’t play defence worth a damn. But his offensive skills were simply undeniable. And for that reason alone, I’ve got a feeling we’re going to miss him...
... when he fucking scores 30 on us to the sound of the boos, that is...
But when it comes to team chemistry? He was a bad luck albatross, plain and simple. Though I did have high hopes that he would turn the corner and perhaps the other cheek, when it came to his positive attitude in summer interviews this year... But then again, should the Raptors really take another chance on the guy? His contract may not pay him much per year, but it just goes on for so many fucking years (4 more years, I think), that I would hate to still have the fucking guy when he finally hits the age of 30 and gets his goddam mid-life crisis...
So Rob Babcock traded him for Houston’s Mike James...
The thing is though, completely unlike Babcock’s trade track record, the trade was fair...
... too fair, if you ask me...
That was the fucking problem.
... because nobody likes it whenever you end up with a tie...
Rafer Alston has much better inside skills and ball-handling than Mike James...
Meanwhile, Mike James is a much better defender, and has a better perimeter shot than Alston...
Rafer Alston is a lousy starter. While Mike James is a solid back-up...
Both point guards are not really point guards. They’re more combo guards, and just love to jack up the horribly unwise shots...
Some Raptor fans seem to have diluted themselves into somehow believing Mike James is the pass first PG we’ve always wanted... I’d beg to differ though. And so would Tracy fucking McGrady, screaming at Mike James in the playoffs for not passing him the rock...
... fucking McGrady... like we give two shits what you think...
... but still...
Rob Babcock was actually pretty smart in this trade. While I would’ve loved if the Raptors got a second round draft pick out of it all too, I must say that I can definitely see the logic in his chess move this time around...
The thing is, Toronto does have a pass first point guard. The only real problem is, the casual fan doesn’t even know that he exists...
We got Jose Calderan from the Spanish Tau team overseas. And if the intrasquad came on the weekend was any real indication (where Charlie Villanueva actually outplayed Chris Bosh with 20 points and 11 rebounds, by the way), Jose is the type of guy who will only shoot twice in a game, and get ten assists if need be... He is a perfect pass first point guard. And while he’s still a rookie, I can see that Sam Mitchell and Babcock really do believe that this guy can be our starter this year, if Rob would trade Rafer Alston away for a defensive backup in Mike James...
Now, Mike James is not a starter. He is not the point guard we want...
Jose Calderan apparently is.
By trading Rafer, we hopefully saved ourselves the pain and anguish of shoving him onto the bench halfway through the season in favour of the real point guard we want...
I will miss Alston though. If only for his sparks of offence...
... and if only for his sparks of fucking friction and fury with the team...
He brought real news to the sports section in Toronto.
I looked forward to shaking my head at the disgrace that is our Toronto Raptors team, every single fucking morning of the year...
God, I miss the NBA season...
... God, I miss the Toronto Raptors...
... and thank God that the fucking Raptors finally have some hope...
... as little of a hope as that may be...
...
I guess that’s one thing that Canadian Thanksgiving may be actually good for...
I can thank the heavens that the Toronto Raptors are actually moving forward in their rebuilding process...
I can thank the stars that the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs are fucking back, as fucking crappy as they may be right now...
And I can thank the gods that nothing happened on 10/10 day like I feared... in North America so far, at least...
Of course, the world isn’t a perfect place. I think 20000 dead at the Indian and Pakistan border is proof enough of that...
It’s definitely enough to make you think...
... and it’s definitely enough to make you worry...
But it’s also enough to make you thankful...
Thankful that I’m safe, my family is safe, and that my friends and their immediate families are all safe at least...
And I suppose thankful as well, that we Canucks on 10/10 aren’t stuck with that fucking crappy Columbus Day of yours, at least...
So Happy Thanksgiving then, to everyone in America...
... though you can definitely return the favour, when I’m stuck at work in November and you’re stuffed with fucking turkey...
So until then? Or until the next fucking global crisis?...
I wish you all a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and of course, a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Monday, September 5th, 2005
Y2kk Update: It seems that I write a new Tweakui update, for every major national disaster to hit...
... I guess it really sucks shitballs then, that I happen to find myself writing every single goddam week...
... and I think everyone in the world knows what’s the sole tragedy on my mind this weekend...
The thing is, there’s not much more to say about Hurricane Katrina and the New Orleans disaster, that hasn’t already been said by a million news sources and web publications around the world...
An entire city was flooded, just washed away in a single night...
Some out there are calling it a new age Atlantis...
... and a ton of fucking pyramid power evangelists of environmentalists, are now using the fucking flooding of the city, as a floodgate excuse to kick George Bush out of power...
... as if those very same environmentalists weren’t the same goddam pricks, who argued and whined that building more dams and canals in the area would seriously fuck up the natural life in the region... and made sure about ten years ago, that the American government couldn’t do a goddam thing to prevent another Hurricane Andrew disaster... but I digress...
... because I suppose that pointing fingers is never right, during a tragic situation like this...
My condolences go out to everyone affected by the tragedy. I mean, words sincerely cannot express how fucked up the world seems, after a fucking Level 5 hurricane tore a swath through the heart of Creole county, and destroyed the lives of countless thousands, if not tens of thousands of people...
... the hurricane, though... that’s kind of all the news reporters thought the story was going to be about, at first...
... they thought it would start with the hurricane... and they thought it would end with the hurricane just a day later...
... instead, they got caught in the middle of the real story to surface... and I don’t think the reporters really anticipated or appreciated it one damn bit...
Because I’m sorry, but whenever some asshole in high school or college starts demanding to me, that governments should be dissolved (and yes, sadly enough, there were a lot of idiots who sincerely believed that back in my high school), I’ll just point them to the New Orleans situation...
... because seriously... even with Martial Law imposed?
It’s a fucking embarrassment to humanity what’s still going on down there...
... this is anarchy, and humanity at its worst...
Now, I can understand why a lot of people are desperate enough there, to steal food and clothing and as many supplies as possible to survive the flood waters that will take months to be pumped out of New Orleans...
... bur seriously, without resorting to fucking racism or human barbarism, can you honestly give me a fucking good reason why there are still so many looters going around there, shooting their fucking AK47’s into the air (and at actual people) to steal fucking plasma screens and fucking DVD players from stores?...
Why the fuck are they shattering the window panes? What the fuck good will that do?...
I know the supposed psyche of it all... Sociologists are trying to paint a rosy picture here, saying that taking valuable things will give the looters some semblance of a stable life back... That by stealing plasma screens (that can’t possible work right now in a blackened city like New Orleans), it gives them a level of comfort, knowing that they finally have the things they’ve always wanted, even at a time when they don’t know if they’ll even survive...
... but, umm...
... while to some extent, I do agree with that statement?...
... just answer one thing for me first...
While I do know this sounds so wrong to say, especially considering as many as 10000 could be dead?... still...
... Why the fuck were so many people still in New Orleans in the first place?...
I mean, yes I know that not everyone has a car...
... and I know a lot of people have large families, so walking out of the city can be a real pain in the ass...
... and at least a lot of families were smart enough, to at least get to the Superdome and try to duke it out there...
... but still, even so?...
There was a fucking level 5 hurricane on the brink of their city...
They had fucking days in order to prepare and fucking leave New Orleans...
... and yet thousands of people decided to just stay on their rooftops, for what fucking reason exactly?...
Did they actually expect to protect their families that way?...
... did they actually expect to protect their homes and belongings?...
... and then what happens? But just the very damn day after the New Orleans flooding, looters from all over the city end up robbing stores of fancy electronics and jewelry?...
... and fucking shooting machine guns at journalists and hospital workers, for their goddam boats and gasoline?...
What kind of fucked up world are we living in anyhew?...
... and the papers are all trying to paint a rosy picture about it all (if you can consider death and dire decay as a rosy picture, I mean...)... as if none of the stealing was premeditated, in the same sort of way we think of everyday petty crime... as if everything stolen was of a noble gesture, like Robin Hood taking from the rich and giving to the poor...
... but I’m sure this wasn’t the kind of warzone that the reporters had in mind, when they signed up with their raincoats and bloody hell rainchecks in hand...
... and no news caster has the guts or the gall to even remotely suggest what’s sadly on everyone’s minds...
... that really... maybe it ain’t just a coincidence, that the looting and shootings are all happening in New Orleans, when it rarely ever happens in other flooded cities?...
... and really?...
... I hate to sound like a racist... and I sincerely hope that deep down in my heart, I’m not...
... but seriously?... since so few news outlets have the balls to say it, why don’t I just get it off my fucking chest?...
It’s just a goddam fucking tragedy, that so many African Americans in North America (and others), are right now justifying fucked up conspiracy theories... that the Bush administrator is trying to kill off black America, with the goddam flooding in New Orleans...
... I mean seriously, what the fuck?...
No, once again...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?...
The country is in a state of national emergency. The entire fucking city is flooded, and supplies are being mobilized from all across the country...
... and yes, I know that just a couple of days in the rotting flooded sewage streets of New Orleans can now mean life or death, but really?...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?
It’s not just the people suffering in New Orleans that are coming up with this kind of conspiracy bullshit on the television...
... it’s pretty much all the environmentalists, and all the Bush/Republican haters down in the States (and especially up here in the North), that keep repeating these kinds of loony arguments in the newspapers and on TV...
I know that I’m being a goddam hypocrite (and sadly a racist as well), by pointing fingers at these conspiracy assholes, when I said just a few paragraphs above that a national tragedy such as the one that happened in New Orleans, should never be used as an excuse for finger waving and goddam arrogant bullshit...
... but really...
... I’m just so sick and tired of every fucking random thing happening in the world, being blamed on George Dubya Bush out of all people...
Sure, of course I admit I’m not a real fan of the Republicans...
... and hell, the US probably had no real reason to ever go to Iraq in the fucking first place...
But there are other factors and goddam culprits at work here, when it comes to New Orleans... culprits and assholes who are somehow taking none of the blame, for goddam political reasons of course...
It will take months, if not even years, for America to be able to pump the waters out of New Orleans, rebuild the dams and canals as they should be, and fucking get people back to living in the French city of Creole...
... and it’s just that, I sincerely don’t think I can take another six plus months of whining and bitching, from conspiratists and fucking environmentalists, who may be indirectly to blame for this fucking disaster in the fucking first place...
... can’t we all just plug our goddam holes, and fucking plug the leaks in the goddam city already?...
...
But when was there ever a time where there wasn’t a good conspiracy theory going around?...
... and meanwhile, up here in Canada? I think I’ve heard my fair share of new ones (or mainly, old and rehashed ones), thanks to the goddam gas prices we now have up here in North...
Down in New Orleans, thousands are without food and water and homes and shelters...
But up here in the North? I think the whole country is still bitching about paying $1.30 CDN a litre for fucking gasoline...
Thanks to all the oil refineries being destroyed in the Gulf of Mexico, gas shot up here over 40 cents a litre in just a couple friggin’ days...
... and since we Canadians all think that we have some God-given right to cheap ass gas, obviously the people here are fucking mad cow, Mr. Furious as hell at the government and oil barons to blame...
A ton of people are lobbying right now, for the government to drop the federal gas tax... While obviously, that would alleviate some problems in the short term, what’s stopping the gas companies from jacking up their prices again?... Right now, the actual price of gasoline is 90 cents a goddam litre. How long do you think that the gas will take to jump back to $1.30 CDN, if the tax was actually even removed?...
... and oh yes, then we get into the conspiracy theories... that the gas companies and government purposely raised the prices of gas, thanks to the "excuse" that the refineries had been conveniently "shut down" in the Gulf of Mexico...
Yeah... umm... right...
... when it comes to supply and demand, people aren’t so bright, now are they?...
I think I’ve heard my fair share of old skool conspiracy theories this week, that the government and oil companies are still withholding all the real car technology, that will allow our cars to run on perfect fuels like goddam water... or anything but gasoline, at least...
And there’s a thing going around the internet, that hybrid car modders have managed to make their goddam Toyota Prius’ run 200 miles per gallon of gas, thanks to putting in an electrical plug and fucking huge batteries all over their vehicles... and then bragging about it on the net, as if their new goddam moving spark plugs were some goddam hippie hot rods or some shit like that...
And as soon as dumbass college fucks hear the word "200 mpg", they instantly start talking about conspiracy theories, that oil companies are refusing to allow such amazing fuel technology to ever get into public hands...
... I mean, seriously...
... while obviously, oil barons are referred to "barons" for a reason?... still...
DOES NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING LAWS OF FUCKING PHYSICS?!?...
I mean seriously, there’s something called fucking entropy, and the fucking law of conservation of energy, you know...
... I don’t get why nobody seems to figure those damn things out...
Casual morons all here believe, that either we should all drive powerful electric cars (with 200+ horsepower, no doubt), or fuel cell cars that run on water and batteries... cars that in their minds, use little to no energy whatsoever, simply because they don’t use gasoline...
Okay... then I ask these people...
... for fuel cell cars, how the fuck do you get the energy out from the fucking water?...
... and of course, nobody can really reply...
So then in my aristocratic, arrogant, annoyed, and very condescending voice, I simply try to give them a fuel cell 101 lesson of a fucking lecture...
That simply put, fuel cells have one side of them devoted to hydrogen molecules, and
another side filled with oxygen molecules. When you fuse the two molecules together, you
get a reaction of both energy and water, that will allow your car to fucking move up a
hill without polluting the environment...
Sounds good, right?...
... now... then I ask them...
... how do you get the fucking hydrogen and oxygen separated in the fuel cell in the fucking first place?...
... and of course... they simply shrug their shoulders... as if pure hydrogen and pure oxygen are just easy as butterflies to catch in nature... as if they expect magic to solve all their goddam problems or some shit like that...
... then I tell them...
... you need fucking electricity to split the water into hydrogen and oxygen in the first place...
... you need fucking electricity and tons of energy, to charge the fuel cell in the fucking first place...
... and by the law of entropy, it takes a hell of a lot more energy to split the water in the first place (and get it into your fuel cell), than you ever get out by putting the water back together again while you’re driving...
Meaning what? Meaning, fuel cells waste a ton of energy in the conversion from water, to elements, to fucking water again...
Meaning what? Meaning, driving your car with a fuel cell, uses up much more total power than driving your car with just fucking gasoline...
... and where exactly does this required water-splitting electricity come from in the first place?...
... from fucking coal, oil, hydro, and nuclear power generator plants...
... all things that fucking pollute... so even pollutant free, fuel cell technology ends up fucking up the environment (until we can perfect solar and wind energy, that is...)...
And by the fucking laws of entropy? You lose a lot of energy in generating the power in the first place, transporting it to your house, then fucking using it to split your water into hydrogen and oxygen in the first place...
I mean, modern Canadian Candu fucking Nuclear generators for instance, are still only 30% energy efficient...
Meaning what, exactly?...
Meaning, fucking getting 200 mpg in a fucking hybrid car with a fucking charger plug, actually uses tons more fucking energy, than just using the fucking original hybrid engine with fucking gasoline in the first place...
... the only difference is... you use less gasoline...
.... and the sad thing is, even after my entire goddam description of a berating lecture? People still don’t get it...
... people still rather believe in the magic of the conspiracy theory, as the sound of using less gasoline is somehow better to them than the fucking real fact that we’re entering into a fucking power generation energy crisis these days...
Practically every single day in Ontario, air conditioned assholes use so much energy, that brown-outs happen randomly all over the city of Toronto, and nobody ever really notices or cares... Almost every single day, our province uses so much energy for our own close comfort, that our government has to pay an arm and a leg just to siphon off extra power from the state of New York...
... and yet nobody here really cares about that shit, compared to the fucking three digit gasoline prices we see all day on the gas pump boards...
... and why?...
... because we pay a god-forsaken, god-low, goddam flat rate on our fucking electricity here, that’s why...
It’s fucking cheaper and lighter on our individual wallets, to power our cars with fucking household electricity...
... afterall, nobody cares that fucking pumping all the wattage from our homes directly into our cars, will probably cause black-outs and an Ontario energy crisis that will fucking destroy our heated lives in the winter...
... nobody cares, that trying to use household electricity to power our cars, will end
up wasting so much more energy in the long run than gasoline, that it’s simply
unthinkable for a person actually versed in physics, to really conceive of all this in the
short run (though long run with renewable resources is a different matter)...
I mean hell, the energy crisis is very real. Far more real than the fucking price of
goddam gasoline is...
The world needs coal and oil to heat our homes in the winters, and we’re fucking running out of the shit...
Now, I would advocate the new German-type of Nuclear Power Plants, as they go as high as 50% energy efficiency. But of course, people are so fucking paranoid of nuclear power, no matter how safe we all should know it is, that Ontario is still shutting its own Candu reactor plants to this very fucking day... even with our current energy crisis, simply because the idiot people demand it...
I admit that wind power and solar power are indeed the future. But the high maintenance, high cost, and low energy output of both forms of renewable resources today, makes clean coal and fucking gasoline into much more viable options in the short run... I mean seriously, if modern solar energy is only 25-30% efficient, would we really waste billions of dollars to implement it now, when the 50% efficient solar panels are just around the corner in testing?...
Hydro power is probably the best damn thing we have right now. But building the dams and canals needed for this shit absolutely destroys wildlife and environments...
... and apparently, that’s too high of a fucking price for fucking environmentalists...
... the same fucking environmentals, who fucked over New Orleans, by preventing the fucking US government from building more dams and canals in the area when they could have...
... the same fucking environmentals, who brag about getting fucking 200 miles per gallon out of their hybrid cars, yet siphon off tons of extra power from our fucking power generation plants on the verge of complete power failure and collapse...
... the same fucking environmentals... who just won’t shut the fuck up with their fucking, goddam conspiracy theories...
... I mean really...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?...
...
I remember looking up the news on Google the day it happened... I remember reading that the worst of the Level 5 Katrina Hurricane had actually missed New Orleans... and that the Level 4 part of the hurricane that did hit? Ironically left most of the city intact, but ripped off the roof of the last refuge of people in the New Orleans Superdome...
... I laughed about it then...
... but after seeing what just a level 4 hurricane could do though? I ain’t laughing about it now...
Now, I hate to talk about sports when it comes to a national and perhaps continental-wide tragedy such as Katrina...
... but let’s face facts... tragedy or not, I’m still tragically obsessed with NBA basketball...
... and sadly, the mere mention of the Superdome, fucking makes me drool over the return of the NBA basketball season...
... and of course, the mere mention of New Orleans, starts googling in my mind a thousand different trade scenarios for the Toronto Raptors, that could never actually happen in the real fucking world...
... but I write them down anyways... since nobody reads this bloody hell website of mine, anyhew...
So what kind of crazy, Tie Domi for Peter Forsberg shit, will this Toronto Raptors fan shit out of his dick this week?...
... because to be honest? I still kind of prefer the Lamar Odom trade I offered the last time I wrote a Tweakui update...
... but still... the wheels and gears and fucking gauges are still turning in my token of a peanut brain...
... and obviously, I’d start with the token rumoured trade of Aaron Williams for Cleveland’s Luke Jackson straight up. As Toronto would absolutely love a young player with the potential of Luke Jackson... And Cleveland meanwhile, looks so fucking desperate for a C or PF, that they’re even looking back at fucking Tractor Traylor for support... the same lardass, fatass that they fucking dismissed earlier in the off-season...
Second up on the list, is the rumour that Earl Boykins of the Denver Nuggets is on the trade market, now that Earl Watson was stolen by the Nuggets from the grasp of the Raptors... I seriously have no idea why the team locked up Watson for so many goddam years, when they had Boykins already as a perfectly good back-up. I had heard rumours that Miller was moving to the SG spot, but isn’t that where Julius Hodge is supposed to get playing time?...
... either way, the rumour is, Denver has a glut at the point guard position... and of course, lo and behold, the Toronto Raptors sure as hell wouldn’t mind getting a point guard of Earl Boykins’ caliber...
The thing is though... I wouldn’t offer that much for him, considering he’s fucking worse at defence than even Rafer fucking Alston...
The most I’d probably trade, is Eric Williams for Earl Boykins and filler. Perhaps a signed and traded Wesley Person or Mark Pope...
This trade sort of makes sense for both sides, if you ask a Raptors biased maniac like me, at least... The Raptors would love a young point guard with talent, even if Earl Boykins is fucking locked up for six fucking years or something on his contract... And looking at Denver’s roster? They seriously need a good small forward to make a serious run at the playoffs, and Eric Williams used to be one of the best in the business...
I admit that the Boykins of today is definitely better than the Eric Williams we saw in Toronto. I’m not that blind, even as a Toronto Raptors fanatic... But seriously, the Eric Williams we saw before the 2004-2005 season, was definitely worth at least Earl Boykins in a trade straight up. And since Denver needs to lose a point guard anyhew and gain a small forward, is the trade really that unreasonable?...
... probably... but let’s move on anyhew, shall we?...
Next stop would be Los Angeles, as I would do basically the same Rafer Alston trade as I did in my last Tweakui update... The Lakers are still fucking desperate for a decent point guard with scoring talent, aren’t they?...
I’d pass fucking Rafer Alston and Denver’s trade filler (Wesley Person, probably) over to the LA Lakers, for Devean George and their first round pick from Miami... Sure, that first rounder would essentially be crap, unless Antoine Walker ends up crapping all over the Miami franchise, but still...
... if Rob Babcock has taught me anything with his shitty ass stay here in Toronto?... it’s that any draft pick, no matter how fucking bad, is just oh so goddam tempting to an NBA general manager...
And now? For the coup de grace...
Kevin fucking Garnett...
Now... the chances of the Toronto Raptors ever getting Kevin Garnett (like I wish we did in our first ever draft year), are about the same damn chances as I’ll ever have at winning a Nobel Prize in my goddam life...
... but if, just if, the rumours at the start of the off-season were right, and KG really did demand a trade behind the Minnesota scenes? Then wouldn’t it be even remotely possible, that he would be a bit more inclined to work with his former mentor and our new coach, Sam Mitchell, and become his timber bitch all over again?...
... so here’s the deal... and please, don’t laugh until it’s all said done...
Toronto trades Jalen Rose (soon to be $17 million in cap space), either Morris Peterson or Devean George (probably the latter, considering George is a $5 million expiring contract), Rafael Araujo (horrible center for now... but definitely has potential to be at least an Eddy Curry one day), our Denver first round draft pick, the Miami first round draft pick, a future Toronto second round draft pick, and a fuck load of cash...
... for the Minnesota Timberwolves’ Kevin Garnett and Wally Szczerbiak...
Okay...
Now you can laugh...
But really, as ridiculous as that trade sounds, it’s sadly better than what the Toronto Raptors fucking got back for Vince fucking Carter...
... of course, this trade scenario is flexible. If Minnesota wants Roko Ukic, or Matt Bonner, or anyone on the team except for Chris Bosh, then we give it to them... but still, I think the trade above is strangely enough, the best possible scenario for best sides (aside from Toronto giving away its prized rookies this year, or Chris fucking Bosh, at least... which we just can’t really do, for a KG that’s now reached or past his prime...)...
Jalen Rose and Devean George will provide Minnesota with over $22 million in fucking cap relief within the next two years... And considering Minnesota would also be unloading Wally Szczerbiak’s massive $11 or $12 million a year contract for the next five fucking years? If Minnesota really wants to start the rebuilding process after a dismal season like their past one, then Jalen Rose and Devean George, plus three fucking draft picks, would definitely get the ball rolling...
... of course... Minnesota would rather love to rebuild around Kevin Garnett...
... but that ain’t gonna happen... not with his contract, and not with Wally’s contract either...
And how can I be sure that Minnesota has entered their rebuilding phase?... well...
... they just lost the little green alien, Sam Cassell... and they’re losing Latrell Sprewell as well...
... not like they’d miss those two, I’m sure...
... and they fucking drafted goddam McCants...
... fucking goddam McCants... I almost feel sorry for the Timberwolves (attitude wise, not talent wise)...
... so let’s face it, Minnesota is going to be in rebuilding hell for a very long fucking time...
They basically have two choices now...
... one, hope that Kevin Garnett can save the team with his lone single ass, as his used to do back when he was much younger...
... or two, take a trade with huge ass expiring contracts and draft picks galore, like the one I just offered from the Toronto Raptors... and hope that the free agent pool and the lottery draft help them pick the next fucking Kevin Garnett...
Now technically speaking? I suppose that kind of rebuilding process can be almost considered to be... well?...
... trading a boat, for a fucking Family Guy mystery box that could be a fucking boat...
... and really, while this trade is 200 miles per gallon ahead of whatever we Toronto Craptors got back from the Vince Carter trade? Well...
Wince Carter had demanded a fucking trade publicly...
... Kevin Garnett has not...
... but oh, how I wish he would though...
... it’d be sweet ass karma if he ever did...
God, goddammit, make it happen...
Rob Babcock, make it fucking happen!
... so that we would have a fucking roster like this one...
... ahem...
I give you the Toronto Raptors, 2005-2006:
C: Kevin Garnett, Pape Sow, Loren Woods
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villaneuva, Matt Bonner
SF: Wally Szczerbiak, Joey Graham, Luke Jackson
SG: Morris Peterson, Jay Williams, Alvin Williams
PG: Earl Boykins, Jose Calderon, Omar Cook
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Juan Mendez, Stephen Graham
Waived: Alonzo Mourning, Lamond Murray
Sure, some Toronto Raptors fans may ironically enough be against this trade, as taking on both KG’s and Wally’s contracts (not to mention giving away all our draft picks for essentially the next two years), would effectively end the entire rebuilding process for us... and may not give us enough talent in the end, to actually make a deep playoff push against Detroit and Miami in the now-strong East...
Still, I think it’d just be fucking hilarious to have Kevin Garnett and Matt Bonner on the same fucking team, after that fucking whole enforcer, flagrant-foul-ejection thing that happened between the both of them this season... the true defining moment of the Matt Bonner, Red Rocket age...
... then again, I’d also find it fucking hilarious, to see Morris Peterson and fucking Dwayne Wade play on the same fucking Raptors team, after all the shit they pulled against each other this past year...
So Babcock, make that happen too!...
... afterall, I like to dream that having Minnesota’s former Rob Babcock and Sam Mitchell on the Toronto payroll, would help get Kevin Garnett up here in Canada, in some sort of sense or whatever...
... then again, I think it’s finally time I took my fucking medication...
... so alright... maybe my trade scenarios will never happen in the fucking real world, as trading Kevin fucking Garnett (one of the top five or ten premier players in the entire NBA league right now) for Toronto’s goddam scrubs, is pretty much out of the question...
... but at the very least, could karma bring us some sort of luck back?...
... I mean, I hate to make a joke out of New Orleans: Atlantis, but seriously...
... now that the Hornets don’t have a home city or a stadium anymore?... it’d be a nice fucking gesture, if they could just be moved to a Canadian city like Vancouver or even fucking Ottawa some day...
... then the Toronto Raptors could kick the asses of Ottawa in the playoffs every single fucking year, and routinely and expectedly always get to the second goddam round that way...
... ah... Leafs vs the Senators... good times...
... every year good times, indeed...
...
... some of those rare good times, during shitty ass times like this...
... as until I get national sports back to ease my mind off of things? I guess I have to live in the real world...
... and the real fucking world sucks right about now...
I mean, we have complete anarchy in the Southeast states...
... we have thousands of people dying... and bodies rotting in the streets...
... and fucking tons of assholes all over the continent, choosing to rather use this tragedy as an excuse, to point fingers at George Bush and try to revolutionize him out of office...
... and then you have guys like me... sad, little internet fucktards, who choose to use this tragedy as an excuse, to point fingers at the fucking finger wavers...
... and then you just sit back and realize?...
... fuck... I only write Tweakui updates when a terrible tragedy strikes...
... and this was my third or fourth Tweakui update in as many goddam weeks...
I mean fuck, I guess the world is really fucked up right about now...
... an entire city flooded, just washed away in a single night?...
... as it really sucks shitballs then, that I happen to find myself writing every single goddam week...
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
Y2kk Update: Planes, trains and automobiles...
All three are a complete wreck right about now...
I mean, is there really any point to driving anymore?
Gasoline here in Canada is now over a fucking dollar per litre.
A fucking dollar per litre, if you have to hear it again...
Now personally, since I barely drive anywhere, I don’t really give a damn about the gas prices over here in North America. I’m much more of a fan of public transit and actually trying to conserve fossil fuels (for more important shit, like hospitals and computers and fucking female vibrators)... But it’s still just re-goddam-diculous, that gas prices have soared this high, with no relief in sight...
I mean seriously, what the fuck?
A whole ton of gas stations here in Canada, have their gas sign prices now permanently locked at 99.9 cents a litre, because the fucking cheapskates are too fucking lazy to even upgrade their signs up to a fourth fucking digit...
And they’re too fucking cheap just to round the fucking decimal point too. I mean seriously, with prices over a buck a litre, the fucking gas assholes are still too fucking cheapass to fucking round to the nearest cent? What difference does it really make? WTF?...
Public transit has always been the way to go for me. Or to GO, if you want the name of the fucking train I take to work and back each and fucking day of the fucking week...
The GO train ain’t bad. It’s just that... either gas prices are really getting to people? Or for some fucking reason, employment sky-rocketed here in the Greater Toronto Region in the past few weeks...
Because why the fuck can’t I get a good seat on the motherfucking trains anymore?
Even if I show up five or more minutes early, for the trains that I used to always take and never had a problem getting a seat on, why is it now that I have to fucking stand in the middle of a fucking sea of fucking sweaty, summer asshole people?...
I’m used to power napping and sleeping on the goddam train on the way back home. I can’t even do that anymore, as the fucking assholes on the sides keep elbowing me for more fucking newspaper reading room...
What the fuck?...
Now... of course, when it comes to a sheer need for speed, I wish that humanity had some sort of flying suburban transport by now...
It’s almost 2015. Where the fuck are my Back to the Future cars?...
Yup... back in the 50’s, we all thought we’d be living like the Jetsons right now... uphill and downhill, both ways in the floating snow, I mean...
Either way, I’m not so sure that getting into a flying vehicle is such a smart thing these days...
Planes have always been the safest mode of transportation. Or so we’ve been told...
But seriously, what the fuck has been wrong with the skies lately?
How many fucking plane crashes have we had in the past few weeks? Seriously...
There was that mysterious Cypriot Airliner crash around Greece, which really made no logical fucking sense whatsoever...
My condolences go out to every family affected by that tragedy.
But seriously, what the fuck went on with that plane?
Reports now indicate that the airliner suddenly lost cabin pressure at high altitude. But really, how the fuck does that happen out of nowhere? And why the fuck would that really matter, with today’s airplanes and today’s pilot training?
As soon as cabin pressure drops, breathing masks are supposed to pop up in front of every single person in the entire damn plane. And the pilots are supposed to instinctively drop down to below 20000 feet, where cabin pressure would no longer be a problem...
So why the fuck were the pilots knocked out? Why the fuck was a stewardess or some nobody trying to steer the plane?
Why the fuck didn’t the people onboard even call for help, either by cellphone or by radio, as the plane was running low on fuel, and autopiloting right into the side of a fucking mountain?...
It makes no logical sense. It was a fucking ghost plane.
A Flightplan, with a fucking Red-Rye bullseye on the side of a goddam cliff...
Literally, a goddam Greek tragedy...
And really... can it really be that much of a coincidence, that so many other airplanes have crashed and lost their passengers in the last few weeks as well?...
It wasn’t long ago that an airliner crashed in Venezuela or something, killing everyone on board...
And just the other day, another plane went down in Peru, I believe. Thankfully, there were survivors to that crash... a small miracle to say the least, I’m sure...
But here in Toronto, Canada?...
... yeah... if you’re talking about miracles, then look no further than the Air France incident...
I managed to avoid the confusion of that tragedy, by taking the GO train back home as usual (which of course, bypasses any of the gridlock caused by the airliner crash in the first place)...
But as soon as I got home? I was glued to my television seat... even moreso than normal, really...
Because for the first time since 9/11, and perhaps the 7/7 London Bombings as well? A tragedy had happened close enough to home, that it really hit home with me, you know?...
The Air France plane was mistakenly given clearance to land in one of the worst thunderstorms of the entire season here in Toronto. I doubt there were tornado warnings or hardcore hail like we’ve gotten on other days, but the lightning and the wind sheer was just goddam ridiculous that fateful afternoon... I remember it well. There was literally a shit storm coming out of nowhere.
And the plane couldn’t handle the landing. It overshot the runway, and landed in a fucking ditch instead...
And somehow, just somehow, every single person on that plane managed to escape alive...
... and depart in an organized fashion, Torontonian style, to boot...
The calm of the eye of the storm, indeed...
Hell, some of the survivors even claimed that the plane exploded into flames less than 30 seconds after they had jumped out of the busted doorways...
Now that’s fucking timing.
And yeah... one of the worst plane crashes in North American history, happening at the same damn time in the same damn city, as I was traveling through the area, blissfully unaware of the whole situation on the fucking goddam GO train?...
I don’t know... but it just felt important, to give this tragedy a mention...
... and to fucking still thank and wonder to God, how every single person on that plane here in Toronto could have miraculously survived...
... when so many others around the world in recent days haven’t...
... as the fucking GO train, and a fucking dollar per litre, still sure as hell beats the shit out of death...
...
In the virtual world, Microsoft finally and officially announced the pricing on their new Xbox 360 console packages coming this November...
Or as the internet has faithfully dubbed them, the "Retard Pack", and the Xbox "Three-Shitty Pack"...
Touche.
I mean seriously, who the fuck is Microsoft kidding?
We’ve all seen screenshots of the new Xbox 360 games coming this winter. They don’t look anymore impressive than a top of the line PC game does these days... And except for the shitty ass Project Gotham Racing series, the Xbox 360 games don’t even run at 60 fps in high definition mode like we were fucking promised for the so-called next generation of gaming...
Xbox 1.5, indeed.
But the thing is?... if this is indeed a fucking Xbox version 1.5?...
Then why the fuck is it being priced more than fucking twice than the fucking Xbox is?
For the "real" fucking Xbox 360 pack, I mean...
Because the "retard pack" is just plain embarrassing. After all the preaching that Microsoft has done about the new wireless controller revolution (as if Nintendo didn’t start it with Gamecube’s Wavebird, and Logitech didn’t extend it with theirs...), what does MS do, but fucking give only a single wired controller with their fucking bargain basement pack?...
And WTF? There’s no fucking hard drive in the fucking retard pack either? WTF?...
Which means what? Which means, all the great Western RPGs that the original Xbox got in its lifetime, now have no guarantee of ever getting sequels on the Xbox. Because without a fucking built-in hard drive, how the fuck are you supposed to save the contents of the massive worlds you span?... With a fucking $50 puny memory card? Or is Microsoft going to force down our throats their pathetically small 20GB Xbox 360 hard drive, for just 99 more fucking US dollars?...
WTF? $129 CDN for a fucking 20GB hard drive? When I can get a 250 GB SATA one for the PC at the same price? Seriously, what the fuck is Microsoft smoking? Because I want some of it... I think we all do... for less than the price of a goddam Xbox 360, of course...
Not only that, but without the hard drive? There is no backwards compatibility with the Xbox 360...
Meaning what?
Meaning, for only $299 US (or $350+ CDN), you get a lovely Xbox 360 system that doesn’t come with a fucking wireless or second controller, a system that can’t fucking run RPG games, and a system that can’t even fucking run your old fucking Xbox games...
I mean seriously, for just $299 US?...
WHAT THE FUCK?!?...
It’s like buying a titanium golf set without drivers. Or a fucking Porsche without wheels... Or a fucking condo without walls. Or hell’s bells, even a Perfect Dark game without fucking WallGuy...
It just ain’t right.
The price is right, bitch...
Microsoft really is hoping to bank in on all the accessories, aren’t they? I mean seriously, they must be hoping every fucking iPod idiot out there picks up the Retard Pack for $299, then buys a hard drive for $99, then buys a fucking memory card for $50, then buys a wireless fucking controller for another $60...
... and then of course, eventually actually buys a goddam game...
Which sets you well above the $500 US mark... just for a fucking lame ass system, that’s barely more powerful than today’s Xbox and fucking Nintendo Gamecube systems...
I mean seriously, it’s not just too rich for my blood.
It’s too fucking retarded for my blood.
What the fuck is Microsoft thinking?
Are they just trying to make their fucking $399 Xbox Three-Shitty premium pack look decent in comparison?
Because really... for $400 US? You’re still getting fucking ripped off...
For $400 US, you do get a wireless Xbox controller. But it doesn’t come with the fucking rechargeable battery... and it doesn’t come with the recharger wire...
Meaning what? Meaning, not only will the Xbox 360 wireless eat your batteries like a motherfucking whore (as endurance tests at E3 indicated that alkaline batteries only last about 20 hours in the Xbox 360 pad, compared to over 100 hours in a Nintendo Wavebird), but that you can’t even fucking plug in your wireless controller to your Xbox 360... if you don’t want to waste your fucking AA batteries that is...
... unless you pay an extra $20 US or some shit like that, per controller of course...
For $400 US, you also do get the fucking Xbox hard drive, which should’ve been fucking built in to every motherfucking Xbox 360 in the first place... But really, even with the hard drive, is the system worth it? You’re only getting a fucking 20GB hard drive, while every single illegal modder in Chinatown will be selling hacked Xbox 360's with 500GB of storage space by that point...
And fuck, backwards compatibility will barely even fucking function on the Xbox 360. Fucking hell, MS themselves said that only the most popular Xbox games will fucking still work on the Xbox Three-Shitty...
Meaning Halo... and Halo 2... and maybe some other fucking game that rhymes with "Gaylo" too...
But what about my 70+ Xbox collection of games at home?...
... fuck... I never played them in the first place, so why start now?...
Still... it would’ve been nice to be given the option...
And I guess I do have the option...
... or had the option, really...
So thank you, Microsoft. For making the choice so easy and obvious for me...
There is no fucking way in hell that I’m spending over $700 CDN, for a fucking system with one fucking game this Christmas...
Thank you, Microsoft. For reminding me why I started hating you in the first place.
Afterall, we all aptly named the Retard Pack after you for good reason...
...
With the Xbox 360 now out of the affordable picture, and Zelda: Twilight Princess being delayed to next year, my one great passion of video games has now truly gone down the shitter for the rest of 2005...
... so thank God for Toronto sports then... otherwise I would fucking be losing my mind...
... if I aren’t already, that is...
The thing is, I just got off the phone from a nasty, condescending conversation with a friend...
He berated me for not being active in the job market search. He even almost lectured me again, how I shouldn’t want to be a "worthless" being, as a "bum" who just watches sports all winter long...
... and, umm?...
I’m sorry. But I took that to offense.
He mocked my dream.
He mocked my motherfucking dream.
I’ve always wanted to be a bum, who just sits on the fucking couch, and gets all riled up about sports teams that will forever be too fucking rich for my blood...
My friend knew this. Hell, I’ve been discussing it with him for fucking years now.
It was just weird that after all these months of summer, throughout which he’s been a most trust-worthy friend, that he would suddenly start lecturing me about that job shit all over again... like he did before he started having job problems himself...
But anyhew...
... yeah... Toronto sports are my only real passion as of late...
I mean seriously, when I first read that a Toronto Raptors offer sheet had been signed by Chris Duhon of the Chicago Bulls? I was so fucking ecstatic, that I literally couldn’t fucking sleep that night...
I was just praying all fucking evening long, that the fucking Bulls wouldn’t match the offer. Chris Duhon would’ve been the kind of dream point guard that the Raptors have always needed, provided he came with a decent enough price point that is... He’s a completely unselfish playmaker, who knows how to handle things down the stretch in crunch time. And for just $3 million a season, why the hell wouldn’t I want a team leader like Duhon, when he is still so fucking young for a point guard in the league?...
Of course, my dreams were utterly crushed beneath my goddam feet, when the Chicago Bulls expectedly and wisely matched the Raptors’ offer, and snatched Chris Duhon away from our fucking grasp...
Fuck you, Chicago.
You ruined my childhood, you fucked my children, and you ran over my Nintendogs puppy.
I. Hate. You.
Fuck you.
Fucking Duhon... fucking traitor...
But at least the Raptors finally resigned Matt Bonner... and to a completely reasonable $2 million a year offer too. Which is so much more sane than the $3 million a year that he was demanding, for five fucking years straight...
I think I speak for all us Raptors fans, when I say that Matt fucking Bonner gives us all a Matt fucking Boner.
Mattitude. Fuck yeah.
He may play no defence whatsoever with his feet... but he gets the crowd into each and every game of the season.
He’s the Tie Domi of the Toronto Raptors. And we need a guy like that... provided he doesn’t cost an arm and a leg like fucking gas prices these days, that is...
Red Rocket to the rescue.
Public transit kicks ass...
The thing is, with Matt Bonner now officially a Raptor once more? The team only has about $1.5 million of its MLE free agent money left to spend (since we fucking wasted our $1.7 LLE money on fucking Loren Woods last year...)...
With that small chump of change left, I would like to be able to sign Earl Watson of the Grizzlies to a decent contract. I seriously doubt a point guard of his calibre would ever accept such a small check, considering the guy is comparable to Duhon in many ways...
So maybe we should just go for Jay Williams come training camp, like we had planned to all summer long? Sure, the guy got into a motorcycle accident and hasn’t played in years. But we’re the team who signed Hakeem Olajuwon for three fucking years... We’re run by the Toronto fucking Maple Leafs. Why the hell wouldn’t we want a crippled player for more money than he’s worth?...
Now... of course, a small free agent signing ain’t the only way that I wish Rob fucking Babcock would remake my beloved Raptors team with the remainder of the 2005 off-season... There are a couple of blockbuster trades that in my fucking pipe dreams, I’d get done in the fucking blink of an eye...
First up, I’d do my best to trade Jalen Rose, Rafer Alston, Loren Woods, and our second round draft pick, to the LA Lakers for Lamar Odom, Devean George, Vlade Divac, and their second round draft pick...
Now, any Raptors fan would fucking love that trade, I think... We’d lose Jalen Rose, who may be a great clutch scorer, but fucking refuses to play defence on pretty much any given night... We’d lose Rafer Alston, who may be an incredibly talented point guard (who has a great $3.5 million a year contract too), but just clashes too much with our coach for close comfort... and I like Sam Mitchell too much as a coach to just give up...
We’d get rid of Loren Woods, who’s just riding our bench without any real purpose whatsoever... And while we’d be replacing our second round pick with a worse one, it really doesn’t matter much. As if Rob Babcock has shown any sort of competency over his past year of tenure? It’s been at selecting good second round draft choices, no matter which draft number the dice may roll and turn out to be...
On the receiving end, we’d pick up Lamar Odom. His contract may be pure shit ($11 million each year, for 4 or 5 years? WTF?...), but he’s a true talent, and the kind of guy that would be a perfect compliment to both Chris Bosh and Charlie Villenueva for years to come...
We’d get Devean George for at least a year, a great young, unselfish player in the same vein that Rob Babcock has always wanted... And we’d get Vlade Divac, an expiring contract. He’d never play for us, but at least we wouldn’t have to fucking buy him out for years, like we did with a certain other mal-fucking-content centre we traded for...
Now, I know, I know. Phil fucking Jackson of the reborn LA Lakers would never really let go of Lamar Odom, considering he’s now considered to be the Scottie Pippen of Jackson’s new triangle offence...
But really, is the trade really that bad for LA? Lamar has an awful contract, which they’d probably most happily unload... The team will probably lose Devean George this off-season anyway, not to mention Vlade Divac as well, so why not get something back for the both of them while they still can?...
LA Laker fans love their instant offence, and Jalen Rose will deliver that in spades. He’s a guaranteed 15PPG player a night, and a hell of an entertainer both on and off the court as well. Hell, if it wasn’t for his huge-ass contract, I’d keep him on the Raptors in a heartbeat, just for all his fucking classic, backstage quotes...
‘Cause now everybody’s got a little Jalen...
And as for Rafer Alston? He’s the key to this whole tirade of a charade... It’s no secret that LA needs a point guard desperately, and Rafer is a good point guard with a great annum contract. I mean, he may play no defence, but he’ll push the ball up the court and penetrate the D like there’s no tomorrow... And LA gets a better second round draft pick for the year as well, just as a bonus. Is that really so bad?...
... and then of course, as any good Toronto sports fan would do, I’d continue this pipe dream of mine, and pull off the blockbuster follow-up trade of the year...
I’d trade Eric Williams, Vlade Divac, and the Denver first round draft pick, for New Orleans’ Jamal Magloire and Speedy Claxton...
The Raptors would obviously do this, because we’d get Jamal fucking Magloire, the hometown hero that will sell more jerseys and more shirts than any fucking Raptor in history since Vince fucking Carter... Injury prone or not, Jamal is the centre that the Raptors have been desperately trying to get since the days of Zan Tabak and fucking Oliver Miller... And getting Speedy Claxton back would be just a bonus, as the guy is a decent enough replacement for Rafer Alston in the end...
Why would New Orleans do this? Well, the key factor is obviously the Denver first round draft pick. As any first round draft pick is a must for the rebuilding process, even if it’s likely to be a crappy one... Vlade Divac is an expiring contract, so no harm nor foul there. As considering what the Hornets traded away Baron Davis for, can I really be blamed for believing they’d trade away Magloire for an expiring contract plus a draft pick?...
And as for Eric Williams? His contract is great... And he’d be a great mentor for every young player on the team. Hell, every single team in the league wants Eric Williams...
... we did...
... we still do too...
... the problem is... he just so happens to hate us...
Fucking reminds me of everyone in my own fucking life...
... go figure...
And after I’m fucking done smoking all that sweetass pot while doing my trades? I’d turn around and do one more, giving up Aaron fucking Williams for the injured Luke Jackson from Cleveland, like all those old skool summer rumours seemed to suggest...
I mean afterall, I can dream, now can’t I?...
... ahem...
Behold.
The Toronto fucking Raptors roster, 2005-2006:
C: Jamal Magloire, Rafael Araujo, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villaneuva, Matt Bonner
SF: Lamar Odom, Devean George, Luke Jackson
SG: Morris Peterson, Joey Graham, Alvin Williams
PG: Speedy Claxton, Jose Calderon, Jay Williams
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Juan Mendez, Stephen Graham
Waived: Alonzo Mourning, Lamond Murray
Of course, while I’m still smoking the good shit, I might as well trade Alvin Williams for Lebron James, and Speedy Claxton for Dwayne Wade...
... and oh yeah, trade a fucking piece of shit for fucking Darko Milicic... that’d be fair, right?...
Because it’s true. Oh, it’s true...
I like to dream...
I’m a fucking, sit-at-home, computer bum who likes to dream...
Really, with no fucking video games on the horizon to look forward to, and a fucking three-shitty ass job that I’m bored out of my mind from? What else can I dream about?...
... the Toronto Maple Leafs?...
Ha.
As if.
There ain’t enough weed in the world.
Afterall, I don’t need to dream about that shit...
Because hell, this will be the year.
You better believe it.
Planes, trains, and Stanley Cups.
All for just one dollar a litre.
The price is right, bitch.
Sunday, August 7th, 2005
Y2kk Update: A lot has happened in the world since I last wrote a Tweakui Update...
... problem was... I didn’t know what to say...
I mean, what can I really say?
It's August 7th now...
... the one month anniversary, of a complete and utter travesty...
London was hit twice by bombings.
First by terrorists... then by copycats...
But copycats or not, the damage had been...
I mean, even though tons of people die a year from car accidents, even people everywhere in my own city of Toronto are now terrified of being bombed or suffocated to death in a bloody hell subway during rush hour...
And really, what can I say?
My condolences still go out to every family and friend affected by the London tragedies.
Believe me when I say my heart sank in two when I first heard the news...
I mean, I admit I wish I could care for the people who were inflicted. I don’t know them though, so it’s difficult for me to care...
But the whole situation itself? When it comes to terrorism and its consequences across the globe?... then yeah... it’s hard to stop thinking about it...
True, terrorism is nothing new in the world. It’s been happening for years and decades and centuries... just not on our home turf, it seemed...
I gotta say, that I was more than just impressed with how London and the UK handled the whole situation on 7/7... I know the nation is more than used to terrorist attacks, dating all the way back to Hitler’s Battle of Britain... or more recently, with the IRA...
But still, Londoners were more than just hardcore... They showed no real fear, going back to work within mere hours of the tragedy, as if nothing had really happened at all...
... and what do they get for it? But another scare just two weeks later...
... and yet they just brushed that off too...
... I can’t help but envy them...
... I think all Canadians should...
... I mean, take me for the prime example...
A couple of weeks ago at work, when I was unfamiliar with the elevator system in my building, somebody tried to squeeze their way into my elevator cart... and the fucking door shut straight on their arm...
You see, the door had been open for a long time. So for some goddam reason, it wouldn’t reopen by itself when some person got their arm fucking stuck in the door...
So in panic, what did I fucking do?
I kept rapidly tapping the "open door" button, hoping that it would fucking release the arm and just let the person in...
... the problem was, nothing was fucking happening... the door wouldn’t fucking budge...
I started frantically pushing the button even harder, and faster... why the fuck wasn’t the door opening?...
I started to cringe and furrow my brow... what the fuck am I supposed to do?...
Then fucking ten seconds later, or some shit like that... after clearing my head from the fucking panic of seeing an arm getting crushed in two...
... I look down at the button I was pressing...
... and what the fuck was wrong with me?...
I was fucking pressing the fucking "close door" button the whole fucking time...
My fucking God...
... I then of course, instantly pressed the other button... and the door finally released... and the person was fine...
... but still, the damage had been done...
What the fuck was I doing?...
In my fucking panic, I literally fucked things up in even the most simplistic of situations...
What the fuck would I ever do, if a terrorist decided to bomb my fucking subway in the morning?...
I’d like to think I’d be a hero... covering some small child (or hopefully, a very grateful, hot woman too...) with my body, and letting my back and bag take the brunt of the explosion and shrapnel...
... but truth be told, I know what I’d actually do...
I’d panic.
And run.
And hide.
And maybe cry...
I don’t like that feeling... the feeling of helplessness...
... and the feeling of patheticness...
But what can I really do?
This is the world we live in.
We tend to think of it as a new age after 9/11, and now 7/7, but really...
... the world really isn’t any different than it used to be.
It’s just that... the war has come home for once. For a change...
We here in Canada fear it...
But those in London?... well...
They live it.
And what can I really say?...
What can I possibly ever say, to make things feel right again?...
...
Well, like I said, a lot has happened in the world in the past month... for instance, with the Russian "rescue submarine" ironically being rescued by a UK rescue team this morning...
I tend to follow the flight of the Shuttle Discovery more though... because as a Trekkie, I just love space exploration. There’s nothing more that I’d love to contribute to, than a permanent scientific base on Mars in my lifetime... or at least a lovely range of space hotels in earth orbit, with artificial gravity at my disposal of course...
Of course, after the destruction of the Shuttle Columbia, Discovery has been ever so slowly making even the tiniest of repairs, to make sure nothing happens upon descent...
I wish I could say that my prayers go out to the astronauts aboard for a safe return to earth. And I suppose, in a sense, my heart does go out to them. For braving the cold of space with so many eerie space walks alone, it seems...
But science always gets in the way of my heart. I just wish America would scrap the Shuttle program now, and concentrate on finishing the CEV program as soon as possible...
I mean, it’s not that the Shuttles were a bad idea in the first place. It’s just that, riding one of them into space is now like driving a fucking 25 year old, rusted truck across the continent, and hoping it doesn’t bust along the way... It just is embarrassing for NASA and the astronauts, having to buy old x86 processors off of eBay for their Shuttles, because Intel or IBM or whoever stopped making them fucking 20 years ago...
The planned CEV Shuttle may only be able to reach low earth orbit, but it suits our new ideals of going into space and restocking the International Space Station on a regular, routine basis... The CEV will allow us to have cheap transport into space, something the Shuttle tried to do but essentially always failed at. And at least with the CEV, everything and all the tech will be new enough on it, that the astronauts won’t have to do fucking menial repairs each and every single time they venture into fucking earth’s orbit anymore... or at least, so we hope...
Still... one of my dreams when I was young, besides being a city bus driver that is... was to become a NASA scientist who invents gravity plating or inertial dampeners or some shit like that... afterall, I am and always will be a Trekkie at heart...
At work, I printed off a picture from the net, about a sign being held by the Japanese astronaut on board the Discovery...
It read...
... ahem...
"Out to Launch."
... heh...
That still cracks me up somehow...
... of course, my co-workers didn’t exactly find the humour in it that I did.
Hell, they didn’t even fucking get the pun on fucking "Out to Lunch"...
... motherfuckers...
Of course, by the day that I showed them that pic, my fellow student workers there sort of were already on their hating spree of me... and refused to really talk to me anymore, so that could’ve been a factor in their utter stupidity...
... but still...
Am I the only one who still watches the Shuttle missions miraculously and meticulously with envious eyes?
Am I the only one who laughed out loud for days... at the massive, plume of an explosion that Deep Impact made on the comet it hit?...
I mean seriously, a fucking bullet moving at just 30mph relative speed, practically made a fucking nuclear explosion on a fucking comet that supposedly had no explosive chemicals on it whatsoever?
WTF?...
Cue conspiracy theories.
Kickass...
... yeah... these are the things that I can’t help but somehow care about in life...
... sucks that nobody else seems to anymore...
...
Of course, besides science and space exploration, professional sports I suppose will always be the prime focus of my life...
God, every single fucking day I’m at work, I just fucking pray to God that the NHL and NBA seasons would just start up again, right this fucking minute...
Until then, I can only keep second guessing and mindlessly criticizing every single fucking move my Toronto team GM’s ever make... I mean, what else can an ever self-loathing, overly self-critical Maple Leaf and Toronto Raptors fan ever expect to do? It’s both our right, and our duty it seems...
Now, during the early bits of the NBA off season, I had a dream that Rob Babcock of the Raptors would pull off two blockbuster trades for the team...
First, he would ship Donyell Marshall and Aaron Williams to Washington, in a sign and trade for Kwame Brown and Juan Dixon.
Then, he would turn right around to the Western Conference, and somehow manage to trade Jalen Rose for LA’s Brian Grant and Caron Butler...
... then resign Pape Sow and Matt Bonner in the offseason...
... then waive Alonzo Mourning and Lamond Murray under the amnesty clause this summer...
I mean, just thinking about that potential Raptors line-up still has me in a daze...
The Toronto Raptors 2005-2006:
C: Kwame Brown, Brian Grant, Rafael Araujo
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villaneuva, Pape Sow
SF: Joey Graham, Eric Williams, Matt Bonner
SG: Morris Peterson, Caron Butler, Juan Dixon
PG: Rafer Alston, Roko Ukic, Alvin Williams
Development: Uros Slokar, Juan Mendez, Stephen Graham
Waived: Alonzo Mourning, Lamond Murray, Loren Woods
As a Raptors fan, that line-up just makes me salivate...
... or at least, it did... until both Washington and the LA Lakers fucked it up...
I mean, what the fuck are the odds, that Washington would trade Kwame Brown for fucking Caron Butler, completely fucking over the Raptors in the process?...
... grr... arghh...
... so much for my dream team of 2006...
The Toronto Raptors are kind of in a bind right now... they aren’t any free agents really left that they can sign...
... Matt Bonner is holding out for a 5 year contract... which I doubt we’ll give him...
... Donyell Marshall left for Cleveland without giving us a damn penny back in the process...
... and fucking Roko Ukic decided to stay in Europe for a couple years... although I’m praying this was an inside deal done with the Spanish Tau team, so that they could pay for Roko’s Croatian buyout for us, and we could get Jose Calderon from them too (and hopefully Tiago Splitter later on down the road... I wish...)...
... the Tau-ronto Raptors, indeed...
I still have one trade in mind for my Toronto Raptors... although I know for fucking sure that it won’t go down...
But as the noname GM of the Toronto Raptors on my own fucking website? I would definitely do my best to go and get Lorenzen Wright and Shane Battier from the Memphis Grizzlies this week... or whenever I can before the season starts, really...
Because after the record breaking five-way trade with Miami? It’s obvious that Memphis wants to rebuild...
Lorenzen Wright may only have one year left on his contract, so they don’t need to move him. But he’s a damn fine offensive center, who refuses to play for the team anymore... so it’s only fair that they’d get something back for him in the end...
And Shane Battier? He’s the kind of player that I’m hoping Joey Graham turns out to be... But his contract is just goddam ridiculous. He was locked up by Memphis for what, five more years?... A rebuilding team wouldn’t want that, no matter what kind of talent Battier may bring to the fold for $5 or $6 million a year...
Of course... the problem here is... the Raptors have absolutely nothing to trade...
I would offer Eric Williams, Lamond Murray, Loren Woods, and maybe Denver’s first round draft pick for Lorenzen Wright and Shane Battier...
Would Memphis bite? I seriously doubt it... They’d be trading an expiring contract for two expiring contracts. And essentially get rid of Battier’s contract for a team leader in Eric Williams... which isn’t enough, considering they are probably fielding other offers from a ton of other teams right now...
But the question is, would fucking Rob Babcock ever decide to offer this kind of trade? I doubt it... He doesn’t want Battier’s huge ass contract, since he’s under the delusion that we can get a great free agent back in a couple of years, once Jalen Rose’s contract expires... and I’d be hesitant to give up even the Denver draft pick too for Wright’s attitude problems...
But I can still dream for a decent enough Toronto Raptors team for 2006, now can’t I?...
Eric Williams, Lamond Murray, Loren Woods, and the Denver draft pick for Lorenzen Wright and Shane Battier...
... then I’d try my best to trade Aaron Williams for Cleveland’s Luke Jackson, as recent trade rumours have speculated...
... and hopefully manage to sign the injured Willie Green from Philadelphia for cheap, with whatever money we have left after Matt Bonner...
Now, this potential Raptors team ain’t exactly as great as the one I posted above... and it still wouldn’t be a match for all the ever increasing teams in the East, such as the newly redesigned Miami Heat...
... but I’d still take it as my hometown team in a heartbeat...
The Toronto Raptors 2005-2006:
C: Lorenzen Wright, Rafael Araujo, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villaneuva, Matt Bonner
SF: Jalen Rose, Shane Battier, Luke Jackson
SG: Morris Peterson, Joey Graham, Willie Green
PG: Rafer Alston, Jose Calderon, Alvin Williams
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Juan Mendez, Stephen Graham
Waived: Alonzo Mourning
... yeah... I wish...
... sigh...
Instead, the Raptors will be reduced to rubble and mediocrity yet again this coming season... if only to secure for ourselves one more lottery draft pick, for Rob Babcock to potentially fuck up yet again...
... have patience, they always tell us...
... or as we Leafs fans always choose to believe?...
... ahem...
"This will be the year."
For sures.
Oh, yeah...
...
... so with the Toronto Raptors 100% continuing to suck, that means I’ll have to look to the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs for closure...
... a team which, even with Jason Allison, Eric Lindros, and Jeff O’Neill coming in? Are still going to be a goddam embarrassment compared to the Leafs teams I’ve fallen in love with over the past 12 or 15 years...
... unless we really luck out with our shitty ass NHL rookies...
So what is a Toronto sports fanatic really to do?
What can a sports fan in TO say?...
What is there really to ever say?...
... just hope for the best for the coming year?...
... and just hope for the best for the world...
... and next time? I guess...
... actually think of something decent to write for a Y2kk Update...
... the next time I’m Out to Launch, I mean...
Friday, July 1st, 2005
Y2kk Update: Happy Canada Day, to all my fellow mother-fucking-canuckers out there...
And an early Fourth of July, to pretty much every American out there in the world...
... except for the ones I hate, of course... but I ain’t giving names...
Now technically, I don’t really have much to blog about today. Nothing important or earth shattering, that is...
But I always seem to do a Tweakui update around the early July season anyhew, for really no apparent reason whatsoever...
... and besides, today I’ve really got nothing better to do either...
I mean, up here in the GTA region of Canada? It’s hot as far as I’m concerned... real hot...
The last three or so weeks have had temperatures ranging from 30C to 35C, with goddam humidity that made it feel like goddam 45C a couple of days ago...
But today ain’t so bad. There’s a massive breeze that makes the 30C only feel like 29 or something...
Still, considering my blood will boil as soon as I step out on the streets, I really have nothing better to do than just sit here and write absolutely nothing of value on this pointless website of mine...
... just like any other day of the week, really...
...
Computer wise, I guess I’ve been having a few minor problems here and there...
I suppose I can blame the humidity or something for this, since it really didn’t start happening until the weather shot way up here in the North...
... but still... WTF?...
The fan on my new fucking computer... is already fucking dying?...
WTF?...
Well, I suppose it ain’t "dying" per say... it’s just that, it sounds like it’s already gasping for its goddam last breath...
Goddammit, just a month or two into my computer’s life, and my CPU fan already sounds like it’s going to hurl over and die...
Actually, I can’t really tell which fan is the problem. It sounds like its the CPU fan or some shit like that, but chances are that the shitty ass power source I got is really the problem behind the chassis...
Still, this sucks. Every fucking time I turn on the computer now, I hear "BRRZZZ" and "WHHHRRR", as if I was shaving my legs with whipped cream or some shit like that...
I’ve tried everything I know to stop the fucking sound. I’ve vacuumed the place up, and cleaned up the dust with swiffer kind of shit... I’ve screwed in the CPU fan harder. And when that didn’t work, I took it out temporarily in hope that the sound would just goddam fade away...
Still, nothing seems to solve my goddam dilemma. Whenever I kick my goddam tower case, the sound stops for a second, only to return like the goddam gnashing of dentist drills and gnarling of teeth a couple of seconds later...
I’ve had these kinds of whirling problems with old power source fans before, but a quick clean-up always saved the day... Why not now then?...
... uggh... thank God I only use that computer really for the internet...
... because I’d probably go insane and smash it with a sledgehammer, if I ever had to do my goddam university programming to the sound of its goddam mechanical music...
...
Well, I wish I could say I’ve been happy with my broadband connection lately. At least that would’ve been one decent thing about my computer... But I just keep on having goddam constant problems with my goddam Bell Sympatico ADSL service...
For the past two weeks, my internet connection has kept blinking in and out of existence, and running so damn slowly that even webpages take forever to load with Firefox pipelining... And even worse, I was completely internet deprived yesterday in the sweltering heat, as some goddam main server over at Bell must’ve went down around 2 or 3 pm...
I didn’t get goddam internet back until this morning, and God was I ever bored to tears without my online news... With Canada Day being today and absolutely nothing to do yesterday, I had no newspaper, no fucking internet, and no fucking reason to turn on the TV (since the goddam sports channels up here play nothing but goddam NHL hockey news 24/7, caring more about Pat Quinn’s contract extension than the goddam NBA Draft the other day...)...
Well, that wasn’t the only way that Bell Sympatico screwed my family and I with their broadband internet shit this summer though...
The thing is, the reason we signed up for ADSL with them, was because we were given an offer we simply couldn’t refuse...
A guy came to our house, and gave us a one time deal of six months of Bell High Speed Sympatico, for just $24.95 CDN a month... And considering normal broadband around this area is sadly no lower than $39.99, since no fucking cheapass internet company will compete in our area against the goddam monopolies? Then yeah, I took this Bell opportunity in a heartbeat... I mean, what could really go wrong, right?...
... me and my goddam big mouth...
About two months into our ADSL service, a Bell Sympatico rep called us over the phone... and once again, offered us a goddam deal we couldn’t refuse...
We had both Bell Sympatico internet and Bell ExpressVu Digital Satellite services. So the rep from Bell simply pointed out to us, that if we combined both services together, that we could get an extra $5 off our combined total each and every month...
And really, why the hell wouldn’t we say yes to this deal? I mean, sure I asked if anything would change with all our previous contracts or whatever, and the rep simply stated to me that our broadband pricing would remain the same, and that we’d get an extra $5 off our satellite fees, no questions asked...
It sounded too good to be true...
... and two months later, we figured out that it was...
I mean seriously, WTF?...
We took a look at our Bell Sympatico billing sheet...
And WTF? They charged us a fucking $40? WTF?...
We immediately called up those fucking Bell assholes, to tell them they’ve made a grave mistake...
I mean, we were supposed to get six fucking months of high speed ADSL, at the fucking price of $25 that we were promised... But guess what the fucking smug and smarmy Bell rep had to say?...
... ahem...
The reason we now had to pay $40, was because we had voided our old fucking Sympatico contract by signing a new one... when we signed up for the fucking $5 off deal...
Sure, I had asked the fucking rep back then if the cost to our Bell Sympatico would change, and he said no at the time... And he was telling the truth I suppose, since the next month of our internet service still only costed $25...
But guess the fuck what?...
Thanks to fucking "re-signing" our contract for the $5 off deal, it voided our old Bell Sympatico contract for the 6 month deal... and replaced it with a fucking new contract, where we would only get the fucking $25 internet for three damn months... and we had already used up two of those up...
So seriously... WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Fucking lying, conniving, sons of bitches...
Well, technically the rep back then didn’t lie. All I asked was whether our internet would stay the same cost, and it did... for just one goddam month instead of the fucking four we had left...
Seriously, who in their right fucking mind though, would willingly give up $15 of savings a month, to get just five fucking dollars off of their goddam, now-fully-priced services?
WHAT THE FUCK?!?...
Fuck those assholes with their dichotic, dual-faced shit... whatever the hell that means...
We got scammed. We got screwed. We got shitted on. We got fucked right up the asses.
So we fucking complained...
The reps did everything in their fucking power, to convince us that it was our fault that we didn’t ask enough questions back then (eg: the length of the new contract), and that we should do the "right" thing and honour our side of the fucking contract...
... yeah, sure... right...
We threatened to leave Bell then and there, and shack up with the only other damn company in our area that supplies television and internet... at least they’d welcome us with open arms, for the first three months or so...
Goddam, fucking monopolies... or oligarchies actually, but that’s besides the point...
The point is, threatening got the job done.
The fucking bastards decided to put our complaint into a fucking "10 day" resolution period or something... just in the hope that we’d forget all about our threats of cancellation or something when the 10 day period was up...
We didn’t forget though. We called back. We threatened to leave again...
And we got our mother-fucking-canucking money back...
So now Bell’s going to honour our original fucking contract...
... big fucking whoop...
These assholes still treated us like shit over the phone. We’re still gonna leave their asses to rot in the dust, as soon as our 6-month deal is up at the end of the summer...
I mean seriously, is it just me, or do I just get fucking screwed by broadband internet companies each and every single fucking year?...
... well... at least there’s always that one other competitor in my area...
I may fucking hate Cogeco with a passion. And last year definitely solidified that opinion...
... but fucking goddammit...
... at least they ain’t Bell...
...
Now, back to the NBA basketball shit I was talking about the other day, since I still have one last rant left to spew about my goddam Toronto Raptors after the NBA Draft...
I’ve heard all the rumours about a possible Magloire trade, in which we drafted Charlie Villanueva at 7th for New Orleans and not for ourselves... and that we’d package him and filler and our Denver draft pick by the end of this month, for just goddam Jamal Magloire from New Orleans...
But if this is true? I will personally call for fucking Rob Babcock’s head on a silver platter...
Charlie Villanueva has been unjustly vilified by the goddam media... but ironically enough, not by our own...
Every single goddam American outlet is tearing the guy to shreds, ESPN definitely included. And to be honest, I can sincerely see why, as Charlie completely ruined any rep he had when he flopped in his workouts two years ago... and was benched in a key game at UConn this year for shitty ass defence...
But up here in Canada, even on Canada’s Day? I was surprised when all the major Canadian news outlets came rushing to defend Villanueva’s honour... as if a war of the worlds had started, between the goddam hicks to the south and our enlightened Toronto brethren to the North...
The thing is, Villanueva may not have been the best choice at the 7th position, but he’s definitely a decent choice in the end... His defence and perhaps even his attitude may be currently worse than all the other big men left in the draft at the time. But at 20 years old, Charlie "CV3" Villanueva has a ton of upside and potential that nobody else but Andrew Bynum had as a big man in the draft...
But if we traded Charlie Villanueva, Eric Williams, and a fucking first round draft pick to New Orleans for just Magloire? I’d scream.... Seriously, I’d fucking scream my head off at goddam Babcock’s stupidity...
Magloire is injury prone. He sat out half of the last goddam season... He’s also reached his prime. At 27 years old, he will never be better than the 10 to 15 PPG center that he is today... at least Charlie has a slight chance now, of ever attaining that 20 PPG dream...
And if we also gave away our first round draft pick from Denver next year? Sure, that pick will probably be worthless, considering Denver will probably kick ass next year (knock on wood, of course...). But even so... Looking bad at old draft history, plenty of great centers such as Samuel Dalembert and Nazr Mohammed had been drafted late in the first round. I mean, Denver’s fucking first round pick alone could be worth Jamal Magloire in three or four goddam years’ time...
Charlie Villanueva may be a big bust in the end. I’ll readily admit that, considering he doesn’t have the strength or defence to be anything but second fiddle to Chris Bosh on the Toronto Raptors for now...
But completely unlike I felt about Rafael Araujo last year, I’m excited to see what Charlie can do on the court... He has the same kind of lanky, finesse overall game that Chris Bosh has. And the idea of these twin towers, driving past every slowass PF and center in the league, has me a hell of a lot more interested than ever seeing the injury-prone Jamal Magloire crumble and petrify under the pressure of the Toronto pestering press up here in the north...
... the poor bastard would be simply torn apart, if he turns out to be both a Canadian and a lazy ass at the very same damn time... the new whipping boy of the city, really...
And there’s another trade rumour out there, with Morris Peterson, Eric Williams, and the first round pick next year going to New Orleans for Magloire... I for one will still hate Rob Babcock if he pulled that one off, as Mo Pete is perhaps one of the most favourable characters that the Toronto Raptors still have left...
He may be wildly inconsistent in his shooting, especially when it comes to goddam road games, for no apparent reason whatsoever. But Morris Peterson is our absolute best defensive player for now, and we just can’t give that up... Even more than that, he’s our cheerleader right now. He’s probably the only true player on the roster, who inspires the fans to believe in our team...
And why? Because Mo Pete is probably the only player who does believe in our team. He’s a total team player, the ideal role player... He always tries his absolute hardest. And I just would absolutely hate to part with the guy, just for an injury-prone center who will probably want to leave us and our goddam media in a year or bloody two...
Now, there is one other rumour out there, and this one I absolutely adore...
The Boston Celtics are desperately trying to get rid of Paul Pierce, especially after he sabotaged his team in the playoffs against the Pacers on national TV... There was a rumour coming out of Boston, that Paul Pierce could be traded to New Orleans for Jamal Magloire, filler (maybe Chris Anderson), and a first round draft pick. And then Boston would immediately trade Magloire to Toronto for Eric Williams, Lamond Murray, and Denver’s first round draft pick next year...
I think New Orleans would probably do this trade in a heartbeat. They’d get rid of injury prone Magloire, who doesn’t want to be on their team anymore. And they’d get something in return for their free agent Chris Anderson... Now, the rebuilding Hornets would absolutely hate to give up a first round draft pick. But to get Paul Pierce in the game, with Chris Paul manning the point?... Not only would that finally bring people into the seats of their goddam games, but the two players could instantly make a run for the playoffs with their backcourt kind of firepower...
Boston would probably willingly take Magloire and filler, as long as they got a first round draft pick out of it all... they do love their draft picks, afterall...
But the problem here is... they would have to be absolutely out of their minds to trade Magloire to my goddam Toronto Raptors...
Sure, Boston wants Eric Williams back badly, as he helped lead their team to the NBA finals or something with his leadership... But Eric Williams now is not the same as Eric Williams back then when he on Boston. As all the family problems the guy has had in the past few years, have really taken a toll on his love for the game...
The Raptors would absolutely love getting rid of Lamond Murray. We were probably going to waive him for luxury tax exemptions anyhew... Boston wouldn’t mind taking the guy. They could waive him themselves, getting a free roster space back, and feeling reassured that they’ll get a bit more salary cap room at the end of the season too (since Murray has an expiring contract)...
And even if Denver’s first round pick this coming year ain’t the greatest? It’s still another first round pick going to Boston... which Boston would absolutely adore...
And if I was the Raptors? As long as I didn’t have to give up Charlie Villanueva or Morris Peterson?
Then I’d do this trade in a heartbeat. In a fucking heartbeat... and tear out the beating heart from Babcock’s chest if he didn’t...
Of course, when you look at the trade as the whole, then it makes absolutely no sense for Boston to pull the trigger...
Just the other week, they turned down a trade for Corey Maggette from the LA Clippers...
So why the hell would they ever trade Paul Pierce for Eric Williams, expiring contracts, and two first round draft picks?...
They’d look even worse to the media than Rob Babcock did after the goddam Vince Carter trade...
... even if their return actually is still better than what we got back from the fucking Vince Carter trade...
... at least they wouldn’t get fucked with fucking Alonzo Mourning on their books for the next three bloody hell years...
But still, considering karma has just got to favour the Raptors sometime after this goddam past season of shit?...
... well, here’s hoping we got Jamal Magloire for our absolute garbage anyhew...
... if only... if fucking only...
... but still... sigh...
It’s also the NBA free agent season now... and I’d love my Toronto Raptors to somehow land Larry Hughes from Washington or Samuel Dalembert from Philadelphia...
But pfft... as if that’s ever going to happen...
Realistically, the Raptors can only afford to resign Matt Bonner and Pape Sow to $1-2 million contracts, and use the rest of the MLE free agent money on Robert "Tractor" Traylor from Cleveland, Chris "Birdman" Anderson from New Orleans, or Willie Green from Philadelphia...
Willie wouldn’t be bad as a sixth man. But the bastard probably told his cousin, Gerald Green, about how shitty ass a place like Toronto is to play in... so fuck you, Willie, fuck you...
Chris Anderson would be great on our team, just for comical relief. I say, let the Birdman back into the dunk competition!... I mean, I couldn’t even breathe when he was dunking! It was literally breath-taking! I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so goddam hard in my fucking life...
Bring Chris the comic up here to Toronto! DO IT! DO IT NOW!
And as for the Tractor Traylor? We could easily get him for just $2 million a season. And he wouldn’t be a bad band-aid solution at center, until Rafael Araujo actually learns how to goddam rebound a ball...
Still, if things turn sour between the fatass Tractor and the Toronto Raptors? Then I guess we can always trade him back to Dallas for either Dirk Nowitzki or a goddam twinkie...
... or a timbit, really... considering this is Canada Day...
...
And yeah, for a national holiday, I really have nothing better to do than just sit here, typing about a bunch of shit that nobody will ever care about or read... not even myself...
But meh, whatever... I just used up a good hour typing this shit up...
... that’s gotta be worth something, right?...
... and if it ain’t? Then oh well, AOL... at least I’ll always have Paris...
And at least, I can always wish you all a Happy Canada Day...
... an early Fourth of July...
... a God Speed...
... a Good Will Hunting...
... and of course, as always...
... a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Saturday, September 28th, 2002
Y2kk Update: Well, I'm spent, with my hands feeling soiled after spending more than a fair share of hours turning bread into butter, and wine into, um... more butter, so to speak... And oh, nevermind. I never manage to get my metaphors and smiley similes to work out properly anymore. I'm just lucky that I managed to get my brother's DVD-ROM working a few hours ago, all thanks to a very old friend of mine. You see, my brother bought the Pioneer 16x about a month ago so he wouldn't be reduced to watching pathetic VHS tapes at his university suite. The only problem was, he was still reduced to watching pathethic VHS tapes, simply because his PentiumII 266MHz and its Matrox G200 card were simply unable to run a single DVD movie at more than 10 bloody frames per second... And since I've always been the frames per second kind of guy, I was determined to get PowerDVD working at all costs, even at the cost of my own wallet...
So because I had absolutely no personal use for it anymore, I gave his computer my blessed be, S3 Savage 4, a card so ouvertly obscure, that even the videophiles in my computer engineering class still haven't heard of it to this day... and they dare call themselves hardcore computer gamers, but I digress... Anyhew, short story short, I was shocked as hell as anybody when my useless Savage card, the one that can't even run NHL 2000 properly on my Duron 1GHz, was able to run DVD movies at nearly 60 fps. Sure, there was the occasional milli-second jump in framework, but it's true when I say the S3 had rekindled and regained my brother's moviephile secular existence in just a matter of mere minutes... and now he's taking all my DVDs with him to university, even the ones I plead with him not to, but that's besides the point. Because lo and behold, at least I can finally feel smug that my $150 Savage4 card actually does something right... and what, it only took me about three years to find it? Will the wonders of the world ever cease?
And God, if only I was able to build those wonders of the world, maybe I wouldn't have been slaughtered so badly the other day at school... You see, the newest novelty for me at the University of Toronto is the network Civilzation game installed on every computer. And what really sucks the Big City apple, is that after three games against friends and the not so friendly, I have officially concluded that I suck, what? I suck, what? Hell, my only strength in the game is typing in messages, telling the enemy where I am, so they can wipe me out and put me out of my goddam misery...
So just because I had nothing better to do on yesterday (except study for my tests this week, but that's besides the point), I downloaded Free Civilization for myself, just to experiment with the game mechanics... And you know what? You know bloody what? In my first game against the "easy" computer, they were killing me with Howitzer tanks by the time I had just researched bloody hell horseback riding. And God, sure my little archers managed to beat back the enemy aircraft carriers for a couple centuries or so, but it really stung when they started launching cruise missiles at me in the 17th century... And you know why I sucked? Besides the fact that I just suck at every computer game that is... It's because my friends told me that researching new governments was useless, yet I figured out by watching the computer on Friday, that if you don't upgrade to a Monarchy or Communism right away, your tech development slows to a Cro-Magnon halt. And, well... what? My friends and not so friendly couldn't have told me that just a little bit sooner? Because God, if I didn't know better, I'd swear that were actually setting me up for a can of ass whooping, entrenching my folds in the art of trench warfare every single life wrenching game, but that's besides the point... Because I'll get them back someday. I may sound like a cliche cartoon villain right now, but it's true. I shall have my revenge, and show them the very bread and butter that I'm made of, although that doesn't exactly sound too good...
Well, anyhew, enough with the senseless, endless, pitiful whining and, um, buttery emancipation, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... Let's just cut right into the bread and, um, more butter of the story of the week, that my Mycrowsoft.com redirection services have been down for the past two weeks or so. As far as I know though, as of today, the servers are finally working again, although there's not really any point anymore, considering my hits for this site have reached a stunning peak of less than ten hits... If I can bitterly recall properly, the last time my Mycrowsoft.com servers inexplicably shut down without warning, my hits dropped from 200 a day to a bloody hell 50 a day over the course of just a couple of weeks. And now? And now? It looks like my hits have been cut into a quarter pounder yet again while factoring in the Subway diet, because nobody, and I mean nobody is buffering and bothering to visit my noname sites anymore... just great... just dandilion, God-awful Mandolin great... I'm officially the Neil bore of the internet. Welcome to the web.
Anyhew, because none of Mycrowsoft.com sites were working for about a week, I decided to procrastinate from homework for quite a while by setting up a backup redirection server at Ulimit.com. It's a French company, and although they still might go out of business just like so many American sites have from the dotcom crash, I've got my fingers and feet doubly linked list crossed that my new Com02.com redirection will serve as an auxiliary address when push comes to Great Depression shove... Anyhew, for those of you who actually care, here's a semi-evil list of my new internet redirection addresses:
http://ivanf.com02.com = http://tweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanftweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfnoname.com02.com =
http://noname.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfdownload.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfmsn.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfoffice.com02.com = http://office.com02.com = http://office.mycrowsoft.com
http://support.com02.com = http://ivanfsupport.com02.com =
http://support.mycrowsoft.com
http://flame.com02.com = http://ivanfflame.com02.com =
http://flame.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfarchive.com02.com =
http://archives.mycrowsoft.com
http://development.com02.com = http://ivanfdevelopment.com02.com =
http://development.mycrowsoft.com
http://cows.com02.com = http://ivanfcows.com02.com =
http://cows.mycrowsoft.com
I doubt anybody will remember them, considering my download site is reaching critical hit lows each day, my noname site has yet to get even one microparsec of recognition, and my msn site has never exceeded the mark of five visitors a day... But sadly and strangely enough, a bunch of people now seem to remember me in the computer labs, simply because of one dandy trait of mine: I tend to walk around a lot, roam about, and simply pace back and forth, as if I was some important person, with something important to do... Now, any Y2kk reader will know the exact opposite is true. Afterall, I have literally nothing better to do in my life than rant and whine on this website of wine and, um, more butter, so help me God... But you see, since nobody ever reads this website, nobody at my school realizes know how much of a no-name loser I truly am. And strangely enough, that's why people actually seem to notice and remember my face... in fact, a least five people in the past week have asked me about that big black smerch on my face. Nobody's ever asked me about this bruise if a birthmark since Grade 9, when students were alerting the authorities that at home I beat myself up...
The thing is, I pace around the computer labs a lot, and I especially paced a hell of a lot this week after I finished my computer assignment early Monday. The thing was, since I was walking around, trying to help my friends before the deadline, it seemed like everyone else in the lab was taking notice how I was the only one in the room with the decency to help someone else out... You might ask where the TAs were, considering this was our lab session. And, well, leave it to U of T to pay a bunch of graduate students to leave their classes unattended and leave an idiot monger like me in unofficial charge... And to be honest, it was quite a funny sight. As I walked from friend to friend, there would always be a person inbetween who would cut me off, ask if I was the TA, and even when I would reply no, they would still jar-jar and beg me for hours and oodles of help... Most of the time, the questions were basic. A couple inquiries were about Java from the course I took last year, I had to give my own little tutorial on how to print in Linux a half a dozen times or so, and I especially admired the amicable guy, who even after I laughed in his face when he asked if I was the TA, still felt obliged to force upon me the big O question: where oh where, has the stapler gone?... and wow, that sounds good. That sounds wily. I feel so important...
But my favourite of the favourites has just got to be that one guy, that one first year guy who spotted me helping out one of my friends from across the room, and slowly began to raise his hand, imperial inch by inch, standard centimetre by centimetre, when he finally saw me lift my head up... Delighted that somebody out there had to decency to not tug at my hair for attention, I screamed out with a smile, "I'm not the TA!", and realizing that the dozen of so people that I've already helped didn't give a damn whether I was the TA or not, I just said screw that, I'm going to help this guy anyhew, and marched on over across the room, just to give him a tutorial on how to submit his project... Short story short, by the end of the week, I was used to be being asked for assistance from pretty much every able body out there, although that's still no excuse for standing up a certain friend of mine, but that's besides the powerpoint. And to be honest, when I first walked into university last year, the only thing that was on my mind was how I really wanted to be a TA sometime. Because I could never be a professor, since I barely had enough smarts to pass my first year. And yet the likelihood of becoming a TA is also as high as the Hood sinking the Bismarck, simply because unless I find some friends in high places, I need at least a B average in school just to sit idle in a tutorial classroom, like a screen saver on crack... or worse yet, butter...
But still, I've always had the innate desire to rant my ass off to anybody who demotes themselves to having to raise their hand. Basically, I want to be a TA just to deservingly lecture my students with God-awful Y2kk Updates, and watch them fraudily applaud at the end... just like how so many professors use their jobs to promote their books and papers, I guess I want to be a TA just to promote these sites... And to be even more honest, I did feel a certain element of power after helping out at least a dozen people on Monday. Because when it comes to life, when it comes to existence, it's not about right or wrong. It's not about better or worse. It's about standing high above the other's head, ready to give a stern lecture, when you suddenly and stubbornly realize, that the only thing that seems to come out of your mouth, is foamy, frosty, frothy butter... mmm, timbits covered in piss-poor, metaphorical butter, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...
And okay, scratch one off. It looks like I'm never going to be an English TA...
Friday, September 29th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Geez, me haven't updated this page in a while. I've been too busy, um, doing nothing and, uh, thinking about doing nothing... I updated the Advanced Windows9x Tweaking guide with something about a Mapped Cache, but it's a crappy tweak that I just put on there for no reason... I do have a story to tell you about Future Shop, which is the equivalent of Circuit City if you doubled all of their prices... I bought a CL ModemBlasterUSB 56k V.90 from them for $150 Canadian bucks, brought it home, and it worked slower than my old Motorola 33.6 worth $25 bucks or something. So I repackaged the goods and prepared to return it a few days later to where I bought it. Afterall, I had bought RAM at Computer City before (which is owned by the same guy as Future Shop is) and I was allowed to return it with no problem... But that was because Computer City has competition here. Future Shop has no such thing like that... can you spell MONOPOLY?
I stood in the refund line for 40 minutes, gawking at that stupid, yellow sign that said "Satisfaction Guaranteed". And for crying out loud, there was just that one person in front of us, trying to return a Cordless Phone that didn't work... and, well, that guy in front wasn't really happy with the service, and I didn't know why at that moment, but... When I finally got up there, I was greeted by a phony hello and smile. I told my problem, that the modem wouldn't connect past 26400 bps, and she didn't understand a word so she called a computer sales rep over. He didn't understand a word I said either, so with those blank, staring eyes of his, he asked me if the modem worked at all. I honestly said, "yes". It just didn't work because of an incompatibility with my computer, and I'd like an exchange please. And how does he respond? He tells me I can't exchange it. He shows me my own receipt, and dimly in that spot where it's folded, it says in faded print I can't return any product that's been opened. Doesn't matter if it's worth $1 or $1000, I just can't return it. That's when my brother started screaming that he just lost $150. I called the manager over, and she looked like she didn't give a damn. She had probably had gone through this routine a million times that day alone. She told me the same stupid thing that I can't return it, because if I did, she wouldn't know what to do with an opened box... well, for a buck she could've just repackaged it for someone that it can work for, but I guess she ain't very managerial literate at all... so I tested her computer IQ, and started spouting out all the crap that I did to try to get it to work. Told her about the MTU, the RWIN, the Firmware Flash bios, and even the bloody 3Com V.90 protocol test site. No response. Not even a flinch in their eyes.
They then asked me which server I used. I said I tested it with Freewwweb, NetZero, Freei, iFreedom, 3Web, HomeFreeWeb, blah blah blah and another one I can't remember right now... heh, the two of them just stared at me with blank faces and told me they heard the modem works with AOL and Sympatico... geez, like I didn't know that... Eventually I revealed to them that the only smart guy actually sacrificing himself by working at Future Shop had opened the package for us to look at & inspect, therefore we had bought the modem with an open box. That's when she went into the back, pretended to talk to herself in a mirror, and then came out saying we can finally get an exchange - and that because of her generousity, she could get fired... Yeah, sure.. she should get fired for arguing with us for an hour and a half already... I was going to use that $150 to buy a 128MB module of Pc-100 RAM which should've costed $190 according to the weekly flyer... and what RAM does the manager bring me? A 128MB module costing $290... hmm... con-men, con-women all in little, red uniforms... We then decided to take the credits at the store and come back another day when they don't remember us and can't take as much advantage, but when we got back to the refund stand to get a new receipt, a new employee (actually, the 8th person I saw at that spot over those 2 hours) was gossiping on the phone. When we asked for our credits, what does she do? She asks us our story again, and we waited yet again for the manager to clear things up. It's a good plan though; keep switching the refund employees so their cluelessness can piss us customers off even more...
Future Shop took nearly 2 hours out of my life. I think I'll give those 2 hours to Best Buy, Circuit City, or even, if I'm that damned, CompUSA when they all storm the Canadian gates... heh, when I was leaving, I noticed a guy was bringing a defective DVD playing back to Future Shop... I sure wish I had stayed to see that machine wrapped around that manager's head...
Friday, August 11th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Well, today's the big day. I just uploaded a list of almost 100 Free Web Space Servers and a whole bunch of new advanced Win9x tweaks like how to double your shutdown speed and how to break through every Poledit security feature there is. But that's not the big news. Let the Armada community know that I, IvanF - the bloody no-name modder, am now submitting my resignation for modding retirement. Today I release my final mod: IvanF's No Name Brand Mod 0.60 for Activision's Star Trek Armada. The main new features are I increased the Z-axis space, I made the AI even harder, I added a complete uninstallation batch file, & I added in the Borg Tactical Cube to give every race at least 13 combat vessels. To install my mod, just extract all the files to your root Star Trek Armada directory. If that doesn't work, extract it to a temp dir and move all the files yourself.
Fragaday's VISE Exe Installer for IvanF's Last Mod: IvanFragaday-NoNameBrandSTA060.exe
Mirror Site for IvanF's 0.60 Mod Zipped: IvanF-NoNameBrandSTAMod060.zip
I have been modding for 4 to 5 bloody, long months now. Go ahead and read the bottom of this page if you don't believe me, but my first official mod came out on Friday, April 21st, 2000 with an update coming out every 2-3 weeks or so. I've given my sweat to this game. I skipped out on studying for my Physics exam just to get a new mod release out. As far as I could tell, I am one of the first modders; I released a full conversion mod while James Bryant was wowing everyone with his Cobalt Defiants. I added in the Romulan D'Kazanak not long after Jc did it to become famous. I was the one who made Scube a household name; it's not a SuperCube! It's a Scout Cube! And I paraded online for weeks back in April, telling all Borg players to try my Scube. Scube this, scube that... And yet no-one remembers me. No-one even bloody knows my name. The Sandman may complain about not getting instant responses, but I complain about getting none at all. I was the first to improve pathfinding. I was the first to introduce incredibly hard, cheating AI. I was the first to create a new detail level where even Pentium 166 users like me can play with good graphics. And you know what? I have gotten nothing out of this experience. Well, not much at least.
I cried out for game balance; the players cried out for sods. I had a dream for All Experience RTS Players to settle their differences out online with my mod; whenever there was a balance issue, I would be right there to fix it. They were to give me feedback, and unlike any computer game company out there, I would make their balance suggestion reality. But goddam, I can't even play hearts properly. What makes me think I can make a game more fun for others? I don't have the brilliant reputation of Jc. I don't have people drooling at my AI like Capm does. I don't have the legacy of James Bryant. I don't have the Sods of Sulu777. I don't have the hype of the Millenium Project or the Generations Project. I don't have the loyalty that binds together the Midas Array. I don't have the realism of the Ilu Maris Project. & I don't have the originality of Futility. I dedicated my mod to balance, not sods. I thought I released a damn, good mod, not just a flashy one with cute little advertisements.
But goddammit, no-one hears me now. No-one knows the name of IvanF. Very few care... But I'm sick of being a bloody whiner. If anyone wants to try my mod, please go ahead and accept my thanks in advance. I'd love it if you played it online with your buddies; it was meant to see the light of the net. I'd love it if you'd have the courage to post in the Official Armada forum and tell me how to make my mod more balanced. But what I won't do anymore is whine, complain, or grovel for feedback. I've spent too long on my knees, and now I'm just plain bitter. Kaleb, Marrel, Tim, Ares, the Prophet, Brazza, the Sandman, & all the other greats; geez, they're all so talented and all so very lucky for getting the feedback that they get. As for me, I'd die just for cynical criticism that would kill others or some other crap like that. But I'm releasing this last mod for 4 reasons, 4 horsemen: for fbrg, for Fragaday, for my cousin, and for you, Victor. Yes, you...
You know, I'm not really upset... I'm sorry if I offend anyone; I have a real habit of doing that. I'm just frustrated & if you ever take the time to read my websites, you'd know I love to go on tangents. No matter how pathetically down I may feel, I also know that at least a few of the 39 people who downloaded my 0.56 mod enjoyed it as much as I did. I remember that it felt good to hear that some of the 90 people who downloaded my 0.20 first mod had fun playing with the special weapons... and just because of that, I promise I will make sure I will not vanish in to the bitter cold night. I will write. I will respond. I will be remembered. I will bloody be known... Geez, aren't I the melodramatic or what? I'm really going to laugh at myself sometime for writing this all...
Um, and uh, oh... thanks for listening to me...
Sincerely, _________IvanF, the no-name modder, August 10th, 2000...
Thursday, March 15th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Welcome to the grand opening of IvanF's Tweak 'n' Dweak homepage at Tweakui.mycrowsoft.com, just one of oh-so-oh-so many sites on the Mycrowsoft Network! So far, the only thing that I have online is a S3 Savage page with Quake3 tweaks. Go check out the console commands and yadda yadda yadda on the left. Now who's better than IvanF? Everybody!... but not for long.
... Tweaking and Dweaking for the broadband-impaired since March 15th, 2000...