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IvanF's Windows9x Tweaks & Dweaks for Your UI! - Sunday, June 25th, 2006 Y2kk Update: So, this is how I spend my weekends?... In pain? In agony? In fucking goddam labour... I know I only have a summer job right now which basically entails no intellectual responsibility whatsoever. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve my weekends to myself, now does it? Afterall, I do declare that there are at least two things that I think everyone instinctively learns as soon as they start an over-glorified 9 to 5 desk job... Call them the Laws of IvanFian Working or some shit like that, I don’t care... All I do know, is that they’re real. And they’re a bitch... The first thing is that no matter how late you stayed up in school, no matter how fucking hardcore you thought you were with all the all-nighters you pulled when you had part time jobs, your brain just starts shutting down at 9 or 10 pm every single fucking night when you have a full time office position. I don’t know how or why, but that kind of shit programming just starts up within our brains before we even know what hit us. Sure, I still routinely go to bed at midnight or 1 am despite having to wake up at 7 am in the fucking morning every single goddam Monday through Friday. But that doesn’t mean I’m actually still awake by the time I decide to finally hit the fucking sack... And the second thing? The second monumental moral we all learn, is that our weekends are our sanctuary. Work is the vile place where we force ourselves into enduring and spiting and hating our lives, just to make sure our bank statements are all in check by the end of the month. But it’s the weekends where we can finally be ourselves again. And without them? Without the weekends to look forward to, I have absolutely nothing to keep me going through the rest of the goddam week. Absolutely nothing. I might as well jump in front of the motherfucking bus I take every morning for all I give a shit about if I never got my release another way... The thing is though, especially with this weekend at least, despite having a 40 hour work week at an office two cities away from my home? I still have my own family business to contend with. And sometimes, duty fucking calls on the fucking goddam weekends... So yeah, that’s how I spent my goddam Saturday... ... with fucking manual labour... And in pain... ... fucking pain... The pain! My arms! My skin! They taste like burning! Zee goggles! They do nothing! Because unfortunately for me, my fucking white-washed yellow skin is absolutely fucking allergic to sunlight. Who would’ve thought?... My job yesterday was plain and simple. It would’ve costed a thousand fucking bucks to hire an outside contractor to repaint the fucking yellow lines for the goddam parking lot at our complex. So because both I and my parents are goddam cheapassess, I actually sadly volunteered to do the fucking manual paint job myself. I’ve done it two years now and running, so why not make the third time the charm?... The thing was, the last two things I did this kind of roadkill shit, I had my brother there to help. We took turns sweeping away fucking rocks and dust and redrawing the lines in the goddam pavement of sand, making sure that neither of us were stuck in the fucking direct sunlight for that many hours straight at any single goddam time... Unfortunately for me, my brother wasn’t here this time... Now, I didn’t think it would turn out this bad. Not the parking lot mind you, as except for the fact that pot-holes and fucking potheads fucked over everything, I did a pretty decent job with the fucking industrial strength road paint I do declare... That didn’t turn out bad or rough. But rather, I’m talking about my skin. And my fucking sunburns... I was working outside for six hours straight. Six hours straight of fiery, inferno hell. Or 6.66 hours exactly, if you want to be fucking completely accurate for the goddam record books, that is... I had no sunscreen. I had no shade... Now I’m in pain... And why? Because I’m baked. I’m baked. I’m so fucking baked. ... and sadly, not in the fucking Amsterdam sort of way... I need drugs. Drugs. Drugs to ease the pain. Because just look at me. Look at me! My arms, they’re now entirely crimson and swollen like a goddam tomato. I was roasted and basted, copied and pasted like a fucking goddam turkey in the oven... And it stings! I’ve been tanned and obviously burnt before, but this is just goddam ridiculous. My skin wasn’t just burnt to a crisp, but actually sizzled to a goddam cinder. ... I feel like a goddam pizza crust here, for crying out loud... And this was my punishment? This was my reward for actually volunteering to work on my fucking weekend, my fucking sanctuary away from the horrors of my 40+ hour work week? How is this justified, the fact that I could barely sleep last night because it fucking left me in agony to even rest my barren arm on a fucking pillow as I tried to rest? I literally can smell the scent of fucking bacon from my goddam wrists. WTF?... ... uggh... Remind me to never go to a tanning salon in the future, alright? I’ve had enough UV rays to already last me a lifetime, thank you very much... Lung cancer and AIDs, here I come?... ... and oh, just a mental note to myself... ... next time, I should probably wear a hat... ... While I’m fucking sitting here at home like an overcooked rotisserie chicken, I’m sure my brother is whooping it up and having a great time in the Mediterranean Sun... You see, while I’m doing slave labour on my weekends here, the reason why he wasn’t there to save me from the fucking scorching Sun this year around was because he was off doing the whole cliche, graduate backpacking thing over in Europe... He started off in England, got baked himself over at the Netherlands, had a stay in Germany before the World Cup started, broke a few dishes at weddings over in Greece, scouted the Italian basketball players in Italy, laughed at the Portuguese over the fucking World Cup, ran with the bulls and the pick-pocketers in Spain, and finally now he’s having a relaxing final week in fucking Marseilles in France and Nice... Nice. Now, like I pointed out before, he’s probably just as baked as I am, but not in the same fucking McDonald’s American apple pie sort of way. Well, if there is pie, he won’t tell me about it, because what happens in Europe stays in Europe. All I do know is whenever you’re in a nation where wine and champagne and fucking vodka are cheaper and more readily available than even water, then you know you’re going to be flying with the angels in the outfield sooner rather than later... ... and don’t even mention all the nude beaches to me... not when it comes to my brother... ... uggh... The thing is, it’s not like he’s completely oblivious as to what’s happening here in the good ol’ ordinary North American continent. While the rest of the world is absolutely obsessed over the World Cup in Germany, my brother actually feels left out from the fact that he completely missed the Cinderella story of the Edmonton Oilers in the NHL playoffs, and the Miami Heat and Dwyane fucking Wade overcoming all stereotypical odds in the NBA Finals... First things first, let me just get off my chest the fact that Jon Ferguson of the Toronto Maple Leafs is a fucking turd. What the fuck was he thinking, trading for Andrew Raycroft of the Bruins by sending away our best goalie prospect, Rask? We’re going down this fucking same shit road all over again, even without Pat Quinn? WTF?... I know that Rask is far from being a sure thing, and we already have the Canadian hometown hero in Justin Pogge moving up to the Toronto Marlies. But seriously, Rask showed in the Junior Championships by willing his Finnish team through the tournament with his own bare hands, that he probably has the highest damn potential of all our Leafs prospects. Finally, after so many fuck ups with our prospects over the years (Nik Antropov for instance, or trading away both Alyn McCauley and Brad Boyes for Owen fucking Nolan...), I was actually content that the Leafs had a bright future with both Pogge and Rask as our future #1 and 2 goalie options... But now Rask is gone, just completely wasted away on Andrew Raycroft of the Boston Bruins. Now, I know Raycroft is a former Calder Trophy rookie of the year winner, I know he was astounding before the lockout, and I know that he’s still only 26 years old. He very well may prove to not be the next Jim fucking useless Carrey in net, and properly replace Eddie Belfour the way that both Mikael Tellqvist and Aubin just couldn’t really muster until the end of the season. But is the risk on Raycroft, who absolutely sucked shit on the Boston Bruins last year, really worth the risk in giving away our BEST FUCKING GOALIE PROSPECT EVER? WTF?... This deal just screams out that Jon fucking Ferguson only has one agenda in mind, and that is to secure his future as GM of this team by throwing out the window our long term future. Raycroft himself is a huge gamble, but if he pays off at least in the short run thanks to a change of scenery (which did wonders for Joe Thorton)? Then Jon Ferguson may starve off yet another firing from MLSE, and stay on as GM of the Maple Leafs for another fucking year, no matter how much we fans cry for his head on a plantation platter... But no matter whether the Leafs can make the playoffs or even make the second fucking round in the coming NHL season? I will never, ever forgive Jon Ferguson if Rask truly pans out to be the star goalie that almost every fucking GM in the league thinks he will eventually become...
... uggh... at least I have Bryan Colangelo and the Toronto fucking Raptors to look forward to in the coming season... ... and yes, I know how sad that sounds to say... ... Now, I always knew Dwyane Wade would be a great guard in the league, even when I was debating between him, TJ Ford (uggh...), and Chris Bosh for the 4th spot in the 2003 NBA Draft. And to be honest, I still believe in my heart that Chris Bosh will have more "value" than Dwayne Wade five years down the road in the NBA league, as a 20/10 PF is normally more intrinsic and worthwhile than a 25 PPG, injury prone shooting guard. Although obviously, my opinion has been skewed by the Raptors’ history with Vince fucking Carter... But hot damn, I never did foresee Dwyane Wade truly becoming the very definition of clutch in the goddam NBA finals so early in his career. He was a fucking god on the court against the Mavericks whenever the fourth quarter lights chimed and shined in his face, the first mercilessly lord of which I’ve seen late in the playoffs since Michael fucking Jordan all those years ago. I know that Lebron James has more overall talent than Wade, but it was just so fucking spectacular to see Dwyane literally will his team to victory (yes, I know he had Shaq and Zo as sidekicks, but still...), that I almost do wish that I could revisit the fucking 2003 NBA super-draft at times... The only question is, even with no high school players allowed in the draft this year, is it finally time for another NBA super-draft class to be born?... God, I hope so. Considering the Toronto Raptors for once hold all the cards... I’ve been waiting the whole fucking year for the season to be over and done with and for the 2006 NBA Draft to finally get it on. Because honestly, as a Toronto Raptors fan, can I really be blamed for not giving a shit about the playoffs in the end? We all know that the real post-season is the fucking off-season as far as the goddam draft lottery teams are concerned. Bring it on... Hell, I’ve been so damn hyped and frothing in anticipation of this Wednesday’s NBA fucking draft, that I even watched the NHL fucking draft the other day in goddam preparation... Fuck, that was boring... ... so, that’s how I spent my weekends, eh?... But either way? Bryan Colangelo truly has the luck of the Irish, even if he’s fucking Italian, by pulling the number one overall pick in the 2006 NBA draft out of a fucking "mago" hat. Either that, or like I said in my last Tweakui update, David Stern set this all up in a "weak draft" just to shut all us Toronto Raptors fans up for the Allen Iverson and Lebron James first overall fiasco’s... I still think that 2006 is a weak draft, but that’s mainly because I have no fucking clue right now who the fuck deserves to go first overall. Back in the 2003 draft, everyone knew that Lebron James would be the next Magic Johnson at the very least, while guys like Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Kirk Hinrich and TJ Ford were tearing up the NCAA Final Four in ways that are still fucking legendary to this very day. But in the 2006 NCAA tournament this year, the only true standout was Joakim Noah and he didn’t even decide to declare for this year’s draft (fucking rich, spoiled, "educated" bastard....)... Still, the more I read and research about this year’s draft picks, the more I am convinced that perhaps there will be more surprise successes than I ever could’ve predicted months before. But short story short, there are basically five players that I would look and lean towards drafting if the Raptors keep their first overall pick or trade down within the Top 5 of the draft, although obviously my opinion got fucked over by all the Gerald Green GM smoke-screens from last year... First and foremost, I would still pick LaMarcus Aldridge. Not only is he practically best buds with Chris Bosh, not only does he now seem sold on playing out his career in Toronto, but he has the fucking skills to be a great back to the basket player in the same mold as Tim Duncan. He also has a jump shot that is almost as good as Bosh’s was in his first year in the league, and some pretty damn fine footwork when it comes to defence in the paint. LaMarcus Aldridge would be a beast on defence, considering that his fucking massive wingspan and his body frame’s potential ability would be intimidating to any future PF or C in the NBA league... Of course, LaMarcus’ agent made him do the fucking dumbass thing by refusing to let his prospect work out against other draftees. Not only does that make LaMarcus seem like he has something to hide, but it leaves at least the rest of us onlookers wondering whether LaMarcus really has what it takes to compete at the NBA level against real athletes. He was pushed and bullied around like crazy by Big Baby in the NCAA tournament, and it just looks weak willed and hearted on his behalf to not be willing to risk it all by facing the other prospects in workouts. I’d still take him first overall, but only if I can at least see him play in practice against his best buddy, Chris Bosh (even if Bosh fucking lets him win)... My second choice would be none other than Italy’s own "mago" (magician) and national jewel, Andrea Bargnani. I’m not quite sold on his ability to be worth the number one overall pick, but he’d be a great top five pick if only because of how much damn interest he’d bring to an Italian infiltrated community like the GTA. Not only that, but he’s a legit 7 footer who has just led and won for his European team a fucking league championship. He proved himself to the world by playing against "real men" and real competition, and doing it all well with solid stats for the past month while the rest of the draft prospects were doing their own thing in private workouts... Of course, I at least have seen plenty of videos of Bargnani in action over the course of the past month. And if he’s playing against "real men"? Then sign me the fuck up for the fucking Italian leagues, because their version of "basketball" was just plain embarrassing... On defence in all the videos I’ve witnessed, Bargnani looks just as lost as fucking Rafael Araujo did when he was on the Toronto Raptors. On offence, it’s obvious that Bargnani was beating up on the equivalent of NBA scrubs, as none of his competitors had the speed nor athleticism to really take on a guy like him. That won’t be the case in the NBA though, and I just don’t feel confident in Bargnani’s ability to be the next Dirk Nowitzki or Pau Gasol unless he really learns to play with his head. Then again, he’s only 20 years old and still fucking clutch from the Euro 3-point line in the playoffs already, so maybe he won’t be the next Darko Milicic afterall... My third option for the NBA Draft would be none other than UConn’s Rudy Gay. I’ve been watching this guy for something like three years now, as he absolutely has all the skills to be the next Vince Carter or a poor man’s Lebron James. He’s good friends with TO’s own Charlie Villanueva (CV even called him his "little brother" on the Huskies team), and he definitely has all the talent in the world to be a star in this league. His shot and ball handling skills were more than impressive in the few workout videos I’ve seen of him so far... Problem is, I watched him in the NCAA tournament as well. And there, he played like he was half asleep. I can accept Charlie Villanueva looking lazy as hell on the court, considering he was a darkhorse of a pick who’s talent actually lies in making everything he does look easy. But Rudy Gay had chance after chance after chance to fucking slam the ball down and make a fucking impression, yet it was Marcus Williams and Denham Brown leading his team to victories instead. Rudy Gay may have all the potential and athleticism in the world, but he may also end up being the prototypical Atlanta swingman pick that goes nowhere in the league until he finally screws his head on right... For my fourth pick in the draft, I have to look at LSU’s Tyrus Thomas. I wrote a few weeks back that he would be my second choice for the first overall pick, and I had good reason to state that. He was the only player besides Joakim Noah in the NCAA Tournament to really make an impression on me, to clearly make me go, "yo dawg, this guy will be a playa in the NBA, fo sizzle", or something to that effect. His will to win and his sheer Ben Wallace tenacity on defence was amazing, as his shot-blocking wing span is second only to LaMarcus and maybe Sene I believe in this draft. Couple that with his extreme athleticism, and you’ve got yourself an almost guaranteed star in the NBA league... Problem is, he’s got an attitude. Now, I know a good player always needs to be cocky to be successful (Michael Jordan and Gary Payton for instance, were infamous for their trash talking). But I just don’t like how Tyrus Thomas is already badmouthing people and places in his interviews before even getting drafted. Sure, my kind of thinking is what led the Toronto Raptors in drafting the safe pick of Michael Bradley over Zach goddam Randolph. But after the Vince Carter and Tracy McGrady incidents on the Toronto Raptors, I think that I have due cause to be more than just a bit cautious in this regard at least... And finally, for my fifth and final possibility for the Top 5 of the 2006 NBA Draft? While obviously, teams like Charlotte and Portland are drooling over a guy like Adam Morrison, I am not. While obviously I could be wrong about him, considering the critics think he has the potential to be the next Larry Bird, I just see a great white stiff in him. I do see him being a potential rookie of the year, scoring 20 PPG or some shit like that, but he’d become just another plain chucker in this league as the years go by, and I want no part of that. I’d almost prefer Randy Foye over him, if only because the former fills a PG need. Now, sure I’d be the first in line to eat crow while it’s served hot and spicy if "Ammo" (as he’s called) does turn out to be a true superstar in the league five years down the road. But the way I see things now, Adam Morrison just doesn’t have the speed to be anything but a spot up shooter against real pros in the NBA. And I certainly don’t want to be left with just a pure shooter again after the whole Mike James fiasco on the Raptors... My fifth pick then instead would actually be Brandon Roy of Washington. To a lesser extent than Tyrus Thomas, he really showed in the NCAA tournament that he can be an outstanding player in the league. While he definitely doesn’t have the drive or skills to be the next Dwayne Wade as some are predicting, I do see him as being a great shooting guard in this league who can play a few minutes a game at point as well. I think he’s definitely underrated in this draft, and I do think that he will prove to be one of the most steady and guaranteed successful players from this year’s selections. He can definitely turn out to be the Kirk Hinrich or TJ Ford at least of this year’s draft... As for the second round of the NBA Draft, I don’t particularly care at this point, considering how surprised I was at how many decent players dropped to the second round in the NBA draft last year. It’s almost impossible to predict this shit then... But still, for our #35 pick? I’d look towards Tiago Splitter (I wish) as a solid backup defensive centre, Dee Brown as a potential backup point guard, and Hassan Adams as the poor man’s Andre Iguodala to get dunk-fans back into the ACC seats. For our #56 pick, I’d consider Bobby Jones first for his SG potential defensive prowess, and Denham Brown both because he’s Canadian and because he certainly did prove something in the NCAA tournament at least... As for the rest of the Toronto Raptors off-season? Bryan Colangelo has been a busy man already, trading Rafael Araujo to the Utah Jazz for Kris Humphries and Robert Whaley. And since we already waived Whaley for a few extra bucks of cap room, the trade basically boils down to the #8 pick in the 2004 draft for the #14 pick of the same draft. Except that Kris Humphries was predicted to go before Hoffa originally, before Rob fucking Babcock intervened... I don’t mind this trade. It was a bust for a bust, with Araujo going back to his beloved state of Utah, and the Raptors picking up a darkhorse who potentially could still turn out to be decent in the end. I will miss Hoffa and his determination to prove something, just anything of value to all his booing fans, but he just didn’t show much in his second season here. I’m actually surprised we got any player of value for him in the first place (let alone a PF who may turn out to be a poor man’s Boris Diaw), but I just wish we could’ve gotten a better filler prospect in the trade than Robert goddam Whaley in the end... So I propose this. Rafael Araujo for Kris Humphries... and the filler of Andrei Kirilenko... Done. Yeah, I would’ve preferred that contract filler instead of the shit we got... but sigh... Then Bryan Colangelo got busy on the phones again, trading away Eric fucking useless Williams, the New Orleans 2009 2nd round draft pick (who cares?), and fan favourite Matt Bonner to San Antonio for a legit C in Rasho Nesterovic. Now, I will miss Matt Bonner since I loved his personality and his money 3-point shot (at least in his rookie season), but he just wouldn’t get much playing time here in TO anymore if we did draft another PF or C. And at least this removes the problem of Sam Mitchell forcing countless minutes on Matt Bonner, just because he loves his goddam effort on the basketball floor (and perhaps on the floor of his condo as well...)... I just don’t like the fact we got Rasho Nesterovic back, you know? He’ll be our starting centre for sure, as he’s the best we’ve had since Marcus Camby, Kevin Willis and Antonio Davis for sure. But he’s still a softie for the most part, not nearly aggressive enough to get more than five rebounds or a single blocked shot per game. He’ll take up space and clog up the lane for sure, but wasn’t that what Hoffa was for?... He’s a decent role player of a centre, but I just hate the fact that we’ll be paying him $7 million a year for the next three seasons. Trading for him saves our cap room for 2006, but his bloated contract ruins whatever chance we have at the golden free agent pool of 2007. Sure, it would’ve been a pipe dream anyhew to lure Dwayne Wade or Dirk Nowitzki over to the Raptors as free agents next year, but we did have a serious shot at least at convincing Paul Pierce or Kirk Hinrich (sort of) at taking a max contract on the Toronto Raptors. Now we don’t have that option, except through a potentially expensive and expansive sign and trade... There are a couple other trade offers supposedly in the works right now, if rumours can be believed. The main one being with the Charlotte Bobcats, in which we trade the #1 pick and Alvin Williams for the #3 pick and Brevin Knight. I don’t mind this trade, even if Brevin Knight is just a stop gap, 30-year old solution for our PG woes. But I’d definitely do this trade for a 8 or 9 APG player if only we could also get own future 1st rounder back from Charlotte in the process. Or obviously if the Bobcats would throw in a further incentive like Gerald fucking Wallace down the road as well... The biggest trade rumour right now (besides Mike James in a sign and trade with Dallas for the underutilized Marquis Daniels) is the idea of #1 and Charlie Villanueva to Seattle for Ray Allen, Earl Watson, and the #10 pick. I don’t mind getting back Ray Allen, Earl Watson or their bloated ass contracts for the most part, except for the fact we’d be giving up both a chance at LaMarcus Aldridge and Charlie Villanueva. Ray Allen may be clutch as hell, but he’s an aging veteran who I just don’t see as being worth both the #1 pick and CV... If we could take Villanueva out of the equation and replace him with Joey Graham or even Morris Peterson, I’d probably pull the trigger. I’d prefer an offer of the #1, #35, Joey Graham and some other filler for the #10, Ray Allen and Luke Ridnour, but I know that half baked pipe dream won’t ever happen. And since it won’t happen, I’d be just fine and dandy with sticking to the tried and tested route with the Charlotte Bobcats and the number three pick up above... So assuming that we do trade for Brevin Knight, and assuming that thanks to magical smoke-screens from BC himself? The Italian magician of Andrea Bargnani slips to the 10th pick or something after the Raptors pick LaMarcus Aldridge with the third, and we pick up the international wonder by literally buying a draft pick from a financially cap-strapped franchise (say, the Seattle Supersonics...)?... ... please, oh pretty please?... Well then, if all goes to plan? Then say hello to my little friend of the fucking Toronto Raptors of 2006-2007... ... ahem... C: Rasho Nesterovic, LaMarcus Aldridge, Pape Sow Now, there’s a team I wouldn’t mind... ... but the Toronto Raptors can still do so much better, right?... Because with Bryan Colangelo at the helm? With just a few roster tweaks here and there, with a few more off-season trades, and perhaps an extra bit of luck or two? I honestly do think we could have this line-up starting out the fucking 2006-2007 NBA season... ... more ahem... C: Dwight Howard, LaMarcus Aldridge, Pape Sow Well, okay. So maybe that’s the line-up I’ll be starting in NBA fucking Live ’07 and not the one we’d have in real fucking life... Hey, I said I’m baked, alright?... But if Bryan Colangelo can pull off at least the first roster set up above? Then I’d be fucking happy with goddam Gay glee... So Bryan Colangelo? Make it happen. Make it happen. Make it fucking happen. DO IT. Or else as far as I’m concerned? Well, then?... Light from the Sun takes 8 minutes to reach the earth. In the Phoenix Suns universe, the ball reaches the net in 24 seconds or less... It gets hot in Phoenix. Real hot. And if you don’t get me the fucking dream job roster I want, BC? Then your ass is toast. Your job is roast. And you better suck my cock. Rob Babcock loved the cock. And so shall you. ... well, maybe... As I may be baked right now, but I’m not fucking insane... ... or am I?... Either way, starting with the NBA draft this Wednesday? It’s Gay Pride Week right now in Toronto, isn’t it? We’re all gay for Gay. So make it happen. Make it happen. Just suck his cock. Suck everyone’s cock. Just do it. I don’t care how. Just make it fucking happen. ... In the meantime though, I’ll just be sitting here, agonizing in pain over the shit I was forced to endure over this goddam weekend... I mean honestly, how fucking embarrassing will it be for me to waltz into work tomorrow morning, sporting a tan as bright red as an apple or the fucking Sun itself, on just the select few sections of my arm that I’m fucking burnt to a crisp? It’s like I’ve got a fucking bikini line or some shit like that, except it wraps around where I was wearing gloves and a fucking T-shirt on my shoulders, as if my arms were strangled by a fucking strawberry Roll-Up or some shit like that... But if there’s one more thing that 40 hours of work a week has proved to me? It’s that after every fucking work night, a true 9 to 5 worker just feels so fucking wasted and so fucking baked in the brain? That the only thing that truly makes sense to any of us, is to sit our asses down right in front of the zombification television and waste away the rest of the night... For the past ten working months of my life, I have wasted away my entire existence with television and goddam sports, with fucking NHL hockey and NBA basketball and all that other beautiful man-made Gatorade shit... Hell, I even watched Lacrosse once. Man, I must’ve been so high... But now even that’s gone. The Edmonton Oilers choked in game 7 of the NBA playoffs, and it’s not like I had anyone to really cheer for in the NBA Finals. I hated both Shaq and Alonzo fucking Mourning, and especially Mark fucking Cuban out of all the Maverick assholes. Honestly, couldn’t both teams have just lost?... Damn, I even miss Lost as a show. Now that’s just plain sad... But right now? There is only one thing and one thing alone left on television that I look forward to as a fucking fried and baked, tried and toasted and true, burning epidermis of an asshole of a potato sitting on the goddam coach... ... and that is the NBA fucking Draft of 2006... I’m fried, both from work and from goddam weekend overtime in the Sun. I’m so fucking burnt out, that I can’t even fucking touch air without my goddam pain receptacles sounding off fucking Goldeneye alarms. WTF?... I’m so fucking mind-numbingly brain dead, that I even enjoyed this morning reading the goddam Toronto Sun. WTF?... But even so, I don’t really give a shit. Because the Third Law of IvanFian Working clearly states that as long as I have sports to watch, and the hopes to perchance to dream? Then alas, anon, I will stay sane. And ay, I will continue to Dare to just say no to drugs... ... drugs to ease the pain... oh, how I wish... Either way, Wednesday will be both my homecoming and my reckoning, my servitude and my salvation. All the cards of the deck are on the table once and for all for the Toronto fucking Raptors, and I swear to God I will be there the very goddam moment my team selects their first ever, first overall NBA draft pick... Coincidentally enough, June 28th is also the day my brother arrives back home in Toronto from his goddam cliche, backtracking trip in Europe. What a coincidence, am I right? Synchronocity from the goddam continent of Carl Jung? Who would’ve thunk?... Horrible timing. Horrible fucking timing... Because if he actually expects me to pick him up before the Toronto Raptors fucking make their pick?... Then hell no. HELL NO. Say hello to hell fucking no... ... because after six long, arduous hours of fucking roasting in the Sun?... HELL. FUCKING. NO. ... let him bask in the glory of the sunshine of the goddam airport instead... ... let his skin crawl and bubble and cyst like my own while he goddam waits... Now that’s how I’d prefer to spend my own fucking weekends. Because it all sounds like so much fun, now doesn’t it?... ... well, if only I finally got the NBA rosters that I actually do crave for my goddam Toronto Raptors, then maybe it finally all will be in the end?... But until then? I’ve got nothing to go for, absolutely nothing to strive for, except to wish you all a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone... And oh yes, God?... one more thing... ... or even better yet? Superman, if you can hear me?... Please help the Toronto Raptors. Divine intervention, please. K Thx. Bye. ... because Lord knows they need it... |
Whine to the no-name whiner at: flamemycrowsoft @ (hotmail.com)
- Well, since my cool little ivanf@flame.mycrowsoft.com e-mail address
only works every other day (just like a good copy of Windows95...), I'm switching you guys
over to my hotmail account. I only use my hotmail one for unimportant stuff like e-mails
from new friends, flames from not so new friends, and other insignificant stuff like
mandatory online lessons from my university... So go right on ahead, and flame away,
because as soon as I get enough piss-off letters, I'm opening my own flame IvanF section @
flame.mycrowsoft.com -
[ c. bored visitors who will never return...]
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
Y2kk Update: Wait a tick.
WTF?
I gave up sixty four thousand dollars...
SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...
... for this?
WTF?...
For those of you two readers out there who don’t know the story, I was offered a job for SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS the other week. Problem was, it was a shitty job, which is why I hesitated to take the offer in the first place. But you just can’t turn down SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS in the end, now can you? Not with a straight face you can’t, at least...
But short story short? The decision was made for me in the end, and not by me. Because after I had accepted the job, the managerial asshole behind the counter took the goddam offer away. And I was left with nothing but meaningless condolences and fucking one-handed make-up sex...
WTF?...
The thing is, one of the mistakes I may have made while "negotiating" with the fat bastard, for lack of a better term? It was that I asked for a week off before starting work, for "personal reasons" of course...
One of the reasons why I needed that week off first and first of all, was that the asshole wouldn’t give me any formal training, so I needed some time on my fucking own to learn how to do the goddam fucking job in the first place... not that I told him all that, mind you...
But the second reason? The second? Well?...
I just kinda wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t be knee deep in my new job and fucked over with actual work...
... during the week of E3...
And, umm?... okay?...
... that’s normally where most people would then say...
WTF?...
SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.
SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...
... for that?...
But it’s true, oh it’s true.
I am such a video gaming junkie, that I couldn’t even imagine being stuck at work with somebody watching over my shoulder while E3 was showcasing on the internet before me. Because quite frankly, if past years were any indication? I wouldn’t have been able to get any damn work done. I’d be too furiously fapping and refreshing my goddam internet pages...
For those of you two readers out there who don’t know what E3 is, I kinda forget what it stands for. Electronic Entertainment Expo or some shit like that? Whatever...
It’s an annual event that takes place in LA that showcases all the new video gaming technologies and software and shit like that. It’s the show that first revealed The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess two years ago and the Killzone CG "target render" last year, both to roaring fanboy crowds...
Suffice to say, for video gaming nerds like me? It’s nirvana...
... or at least, it should have been this year...
But?... ahem...
I GAVE UP SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...
... for THIS?
WHAT. THE. FUCK?
...
Let me give you a walk-through of what really went down at E3 this year...
It was supposed to be the biggest video gaming event in the history of the industry. This would be the year that not only would the launch line-up of the PS3 finally be revealed, but also the year where the Xbox 360 truly breaks out in terms of online gaming, and the year that Nintendo attempts to take back the throne with the truly innovative (or gimmicky, depending on your point of view) Nintendo Wii...
First at E3 came the Sony Press Conference...
As a noted Sony-despiser, obviously I wasn’t watching the damn thing with the purest of prejudices and motives and consciences. But seriously, did Sony really have to make it that easy for me to ridicule them this year?...
It wasn’t just the shit that they showed. It was how they showed it, embarrassing as it all was...
First of all, the games. Where the fuck was Killzone this year? If anything proves that Sony fucking lied through their teeth last year, that the Killzone trailer was not pure CG, then not even showing a glimpse of the fucking same game running on the PS3 this year simply solidifies just that...
Metal Gear Solid 4 was decent, as always. For a movie, at least... But I got bored halfway through the fucking trailer when it came to the fucking moo-ing Mechwarriors (OMG! COWS ARE TAKING OVER!), just like I couldn’t fucking stand neither Metal Gear Solid 1 or 2 in the fucking end either. Because Hideo Kojima may make graphical and technical masterpieces on Sony systems, but I’d be damned if I ever actually gave a damn about his over-pretentious trailers...
HIDEOS.
And what the fuck else did Sony show this year in terms of gaming? Is it just me, or was the Genji 2 trailer one of the most fucking embarrassing moments I’ve ever seen on stage in my entire fucking life (and yes, that includes my goddam Grade 7 Christmas concert... shudder...)?...
Because if you haven’t seen the "One Minute Sony E3 Press Conference" movie on YouTube yet? You definitely owe it to yourself to look it up. It’s embarrassingly sad, yet truthfully accurate to the Japanese company’s history...
But if you’re too lazy ass to even type any shit up into a fucking search engine? Here’s a brief recap...
... ahem...
There’s this Sony guy on stage, claiming that Genji 2 on the PS3 will bring to life real, "historical", ancient Japanese battles to life on the PS3 in ways never thought possible...
... and then what does he say while demonstrating the game?...
"So, here’s this Giant Crab"...
He then shows off on screen an army of Japanese samurai fighting against a Giant Crab...
... and, umm?... well, truth be told, I definitely didn’t think that was possible. WTF?...
"Hit the weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE."
He then hits the weak spot for massive damage. Tom Cruise would approve.
THE CRABS ARE COMIN’! WE GOTTA STOP ‘EM!
I say again...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?...
What the fuck is next? Can it get any worse?...
... apparently, it can?...
"RIIIIIIDDDDDGGGEEEEEEEEEE RAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!"
Are you kidding me? Seriously?
I know that Sony abandoned the PSP long ago (except for certain quirky Japanese genres that would fit more homely on the goddam Nintendo DS instead), but seriously? Their PSP part of their presentation was just plain sad, even by Sony’s standards...
The only game they really demonstrated for their portable system was the original fucking Ridge Racer using the PSOne emulator they announced long ago. And why the fuck should anyone care, when the PSP already has a fucking Ridge Racer game on it?...
"RIIIIIIDDDDDGGGEEEEEEEEEE RAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!"
Is Sony batshit insane?
Apparently so, considering what next they had to offer at the table...
First, they showed off a complete Xbox Live clone of an online gaming system for the PS3. Technically though, I can’t really blame them for that, considering Xbox Live was basically stolen from the PC online gaming template in the first place. If something becomes a standard, you just sort of have to suck it up and follow suit. However, Sony still did make quite a few mistakes when it came to their goddam online plan though...
For one thing, they didn’t confirm (or even bother to mention) whether online gaming for the PS3 will actually be free or not. They mentioned that only the "basic" service will be. What the fuck does that mean? Did they copy Xbox Live Silver too?...
And second, speaking of ripping off? They showed off their replacement controller for the banana dual-dildo embarrassment that they were laughed out of the building for last year, and guess what the fuck their controller was this year?...
SHOCK AND AWE.
The Dual Shock 3.
What a shock...
How embarrassing for them, to revert back to the only damn "innovation" that they’ve ever known...
The exact same controller as they used on both the PSOne and PS2...
WTF? Sony copied themselves? WTF?...
Without rumble though. Without fucking rumble...
Wait a tick. Without the fucking rumble pack? WTF?...
Guess Sony is still refusing to pay Immersion and Microsoft for those goddam motor patent infringements, eh?...
Good for them. Those companies had attacked Sony in the weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE.
Innovation or lack thereof for the win?...
So why the fuck is the controller still called the Dual "Shock" then? Does it electrify you if you take massive damage, since the damn thing won’t even fucking rumble anymore? WTF?...
And Jesus H. Christ, let even more fucking Sony copying begin...
Because look closely at the PS3 controller. Besides obviously being wireless (which Nintendo made to be the de facto standard thanks to their Wavebird, so I don’t really blame Sony nor Microsoft for following suit), you can easily notice a fucking Xbox Live "Home" button in the damn middle of the goddam controller...
Meaning, what? Meaning, Sony not only fucking copied the entire Xbox Live service, but they copied the Xbox 360 controller Live button as well. WTF?...
But oh, that was just the icing on the cake for starters...
That’s when Sony whipped the ol’ Dual Shock 3 bad-boy out of their suit jacket pocket, smirking like a Wile E Coyote that had just stolen the latest Acme product and called it their own... those sly, damn cooper devils that they are...
And then and there, Sony demonstrated with Warhawk that their "new" Dual Shock 3 controller now has "Six Degrees of Freedom", just like the fucking "gimmicky" Nintendo Wiimote has...
And, umm... say what?...
WTF?
That’s just low, man. After starting off the press conference claiming they weren’t into "gimmicks", poorly attempting to rip-off Nintendo’s idea at the end of the show and steal their thunder was just fucking plain low...
Even I didn’t think they’d do it. But they did it. Oh my fucking God, Sony was so damn low that they did it...
They copied the fucking Nintendo Wii remote. Or tried to copy the essence of the fucking Wiimote at least, more specifically the fucking tilt and accelerometer functions that are more akin to WareWare Twisted on the GBA than any of the fucking advanced sensor features that the new Wiimote itself actually has...
And yet Sony still had the balls and the audacity to call it "innovation"? WTF?...
Seriously, it wasn’t just the copying that was sad. It was just how badly Sony fucking failed in copying the goddam Nintendo remote control. It was ridiculous watching the loser on stage try to land his plane in Warhawk with the "six degrees" of separation of the Dual Shock 3, where he was steering and squirming as if he had a giant crab pinching him in the ass cheeks as he goddam played. WTF?...
Sony had tried to attack Nintendo at the fucking weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE.
FOLY HUCK.
FISSION MAILED.
First Sony stole the fucking PSOne itself (not that I can blame them, considering Nintendo technically owed them the specs from their failed SNES CD experiment). Then Sony stole the entire fucking SNES controller, shoulder buttons and all (not that I can blame them again, for the same reasons above...)...
Then Sony stole the fucking N64 analog stick (at least they somewhat improved on Nintendo’s innovation with the dual analog controls), and at the same time stole the fucking N64 rumble pack (though once again improved on it, with two motors instead of one... while also ripping off and costing them an arm and a leg in Immersion lawsuit costs, but what do they care?...)...
Sony fucking stole Capcom. Sony stole Konami. Sony fucking stole Square...
They tried to steal Rare.
And now they’re back...
Back in style, and back in black...
... quite literally with their "new" PS3 colour, actually...
Though this time, their attempt to copy Nintendo was just so half-assed and lame, that it simply just makes the company look goddam desperate for attention in the end. WTF?...
At least with their other so-called "innovations", they improved upon Nintendo’s initial design (much to my chagrin). But what the fuck were they thinking with the Dual Shock 3 though? That waving an ugly, awkward PS2 controller side-to-side in the air was somehow more fun and advanced than fucking Kirby Tilt ‘n Tumble on the fucking ancient Game Boy itself? WTF?...
But if that didn’t seal the deal for Sony (and sadly, I’ve heard so many Sony fans still honestly argue that Nintendo "stole" the Wiimote from Sony itself, even though Nintendo announced all the features of the Wiimote a fucking year earlier. WTF?...)?...
Well then, I guess the fucking price of the PS3 system did...
No wonder Solid Snake was ready to kill himself in the fucking MGS4 trailer...
I mean, six hundred US dollars?
SIX HUNDRED FUCKING US DOLLARS?
For a video game system? Where you still have to pay for games? WTF?
WTF?!?!
True to their legacy, Sony stole Microsoft’s 2 SKU’s idea from the Xbox 360, and is choosing to release a completely gimped version of their PS3 for $500 US, just to make their pricing scheme a little bit more palatable to the common consumer moron... Or at least, the retard pack SKU looks better at first until you realize that not only does the $500 version have a smaller goddam hard drive? But it fucking lacks WiFi, bloody hell memory card slots (WTF?) and even a goddam HDMI output for true definition graphics...
I say again, WTF?...
Meaning what? Meaning, depending on Sony’s iron fist and fucking pimp hand in the fucking DVD industry, your PS3 may be so damn gimped that it may or may not even be able to play Blu-Ray discs on your fucking HDTV. Worse than that, parts of the gimped PS3 version are simply non-upgradeable permanently. WTF?...
Sadly, I know a ton of people out there who are still primed and ready to fuck themselves over by forking over $600 US for a fucking PS3 right out of the gates, simply because of the name brand of "Sony" and "Playstation" itself. But these people I know have good jobs now, and fucking care more for the fact that PS3 is a luxury item that sounds cool to techies to have and to brag about then anything else. They don’t really give a shit about it as a gaming system, but more as a fucking 5 kg keg of a refrigerator paperweight to adorn their goddam entertainment centres, much like their current Xbox’s are gathering dust while doing so...
These are the people who will buy the PS3 en masse at launch. They are not the mass market, however.
Seriously, $600 US for a console with almost no games at launch, almost no Blu-Ray HD-DVD discs or support, for a system with no fucking rumble pack in the controller and a fucking hacked, half-assed version of the Wiimote inside of it for good measure? How the fuck is this thing supposed to sell to regular families and fucking children who want the latest entertainment toy? How the fuck can Sony really justify a price of $600 US when the PS2 was already seen as costing a fortune at $400 last time at launch? WTF?...
I have no idea why Sony just committed financial suicide. No idea whatsoever.
... Jesus fucking titty Christ, what a fucking press conference for them...
Seriously, WTF is wrong with them? Was it all supposed to be one big, messed up metaphor or something?
Are they themselves the Giant Crab?
Are they hitting themselves in the weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE?
Seriously, WTF? How the fuck can they be so stupid? Is it even possible?...
They killed all the hype they had going for them from E3 last year, by scrapping both the Killzone CG shit and their fanboy tease at a Final Fantasy VII remake...
Sony then stole Xbox Live and they stole the raw basics of the Nintendo Wii remote just for "me too" advertising sakes as well, and looked like just a small time chump company who didn’t know what the fuck they were doing in the process. WTF?
Aren’t Sony supposed to be the industry leaders? Where the fuck is their plan? Aren’t they supposed to be setting the standards? WTF kind of standards are these? WTF?...
And then Sony committed fucking absolute, financial suicide, with the fucking worst case pricing system that almost anyone ever would’ve predicted pre-E3 for the fucking PS3...
Seriously, what the fuck? A $600 giant crab, what the fuck?...
As Sony themselves said, "fine dining" indeed...
Sony Playstation 3DO, anyone?...
...
Microsoft’s press conference arrived last in the show. But at first, it really did seem to be the most impressive one to me... go figure...
For the Xbox 360, Microsoft actually showed games. You know, the stuff that we gamers actually fork over $300 or $400 for a system to actually play (which is something Sony has completely forgotten, it seems). But the thing is, the Xbox 360 presentation in the end felt a lot like Chinese food. Tantalizing at first, then simply unsatisfying an hour later...
They showed the first teaser trailer to Halo 3. It was great the first time I watched it, until I realized that it was basically just a CG cutscene that could’ve been done (in albeit lesser quality) in Halo fucking 2...
Sure, I got chills running down my spine when the Covenant cruisers were flying right past Master Chief in the desert. But I felt a hell of a lot more anticipation and anxiety and emotion from the Halo 2 teaser trailer (where Master Chief takes on an entire armada around earth, Jack Bauer style) than I ever felt from Halo 3. And since Halo 2 wasn’t nearly as good as the original in the end, why the fuck should I care for its sequel?...
Gears of War and Lost Planet both look great graphically, but bloom lighting and bump-mapping can only get a game to go so far. So what if Epic and Capcom can bust their asses when it comes to polygons? I want fun shooter games, and I just can’t imagine a third person shooter truly done right. Maybe these two companies can prove me wrong, I don’t know. All I do know, is that having these two games star in the spotlight of the Microsoft Press Conference was about wowing to me for about sixty seconds and nothing more...
The presentation felt empty, like it was lacking a soul or something. It was just rehashed boring shit, more of the same from every Microsoft press conference before it. It was just somehow unfulfilling, like a fucking summer blockbuster film that you never want to rent again...
Pretty much the rest of the Xbox 360 conference was dedicated to Windows Vista and Xbox Live being integrated everywhere. Why the fuck should I give a damn about having the Messenger service on a fucking cellphone, when Hotmail Live over on my PC is already fucking atrociously awful to use compared to the original? Fix that shit up first please, Microsoft. WTF?...
I was hoping that Microsoft would announce a price drop, at least. To combat the hype for the PS3, and just so that maybe I can afford a fully stacked premium pack this goddam holiday season...
But in the immortal words of Peter Moore?
The Xbox 360 was given a free price drop the very moment that?...
... ahem...
... "Sony announced their price"...
Ouch. Yet so true... so fucking true...
Wii60 for the win? Perhaps...
But for now at least, alas?...
Xbox "Three-Shitty" it remains to me then...
...
Maybe I would be able to afford an Xbox 360, if I didn’t lose my job worth SIXTY FOUR FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS...
... goddam motherfucker...
But sigh, I guess I’m going to have to settle for the only system that will cost $250 US or less...
... even if basically it is just an overglorified Nintendo Gamecube with a new controller in hand...
I will admit that I was disappointed at first at the Nintendo E3 Press Conference. As a huge Nintendrone over here, my expectations for the company are always driven by senseless nostalgia and insane expectations of metaphysical proportions... whatever the hell that means...
Sadly during this year’s E3 conference, there were a lot of things that just seemed unpolished and incomplete when it came to the Nintendo Wii (besides the fucking god-awful name of the system itself, I mean)...
Take Red Steel for instance. Not only did the graphics look fucking PS2 in quality on screen, and nowhere near the "target renders" first seen in Game Informer a few months back? But the controls were fucking iffy as well, as making a 180 degree turn in the first person shooter was only ousted in awkwardness by Giant Crabs and the fucking Warhawk Dual Shit 3 demo. WTF?...
Red Steel’s real claim to fame was its sword-swinging action, in which you can actually swing your Wiimote in the air and the sword in your character’s hand will actually follow your exact motions. This has never properly been done in a game before, as never before could a system actually sense which way you wanted to block or which way you wanted to slash...
The problem is, if the demo shown at E3 was any proof? Red Steel really wasn’t any better than the current fucking sword shitty games... Instead of following your hand motions accurately and perfectly in real time, you’re supposed to move your Wiimote first with a preset motion and only then, after you complete the action, does the game register what kind of move you wanted to do. We’re talking about a potential delay of a second here, between your thoughts and actions. How the fuck is that any different than mapping the goddam action to a fucking button combo then? WTF?...
And that wasn’t the only disappointment for me. Metroid Prime 3 Corruption at first looked barely any better in graphics over Metroid Prime 2 Echoes, which is sad to say considering how damn impressed I was with the original Metroid Prime. And new titles like Excite Truck and the Dragon Warrior spin-off just don’t excite me, when I know games of their type can be done just as well with the regular trigger buttons on a good ol’ Xbox controller. So why should I be excited for the Wii? Where the fuck was my Revolution?...
Where the fuck was my pricing scheme? I had prayed that Nintendo would blow the competition out of the water with a $199 SKU, only to find that Reggie pulled a Peter Moore by realizing that Nintendo can now overprice the Wii system and still look cheap compared to the fucking PS3. Motherfucker...
I liked some of the new revelations we got, such as the 24/7 online standby system for the Wii and the digital speaker in the remote itself (along with hopefully a microphone for VOIP). But where the fuck was my Dolby Digital 5.1 sound output? Where the fuck was my true confirmation that at least the system can approach the Xbox 360 in terms of visuals? We got no specs whatsoever, but rather a somewhat embarrassing fanboy pandering with Wii Tennis on stage...
So yes, at first, I was disappointed. I’ll readily admit that...
But as E3 went on? Long after the Nintendo press conference was over, I guess the company’s plan really did take off as... umm... planned?...
While obviously there was a ton of negative remarks about the Wiimote itself on the floor (specifically about first person shooters such as Red Steel), the general consensus on the net was that as long as you weren’t "tense" while playing with the system (as we almost all are, unknowingly or not, when we play modern consoles), the Wiimote was a pure goddam blessing... a true gaming revolution, perhaps...
Super Mario Galaxy looks like pure bless. I’ve never seen a Mario game look that damn fun to me, and I’m the guy who didn’t give two shits about Mario 64 way back on the N64... The idea of flying through space and landing onto tiny planets everywhere is just so novel and just so original, that it reminds me of just the same kind of creativity that Nintendo used to bring to the fold every single damn game during the SNES ages...
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess has been delayed for a year so that it could launch along with the new system with Wii controller functions. I was disappointed as hell when I didn’t get to play the next best game EVAR last November, but I can see why the delays may be worth it in the end...
It’s claimed the game is already longer in terms of dungeon numbers than even Ocarina of Time was. The graphics (even on the Gamecube) are now so vibrant with bloom lighting that it even puts some Xbox 360 games (mediocre ones, at least) to shame. And while I’ve heard the new Wiimote controls are not exactly ideal in battle conditions just quite yet, I have heard no such faults when it came to fucking fishing. And oh dear God, did I ever fish like hell back on the N64...
Meanwhile, Metroid Prime 3 Corruption looks a hell of a lot better in internet videos than it does from goddam Nintendo trailer captures. Even fucking goddam Matt from fucking IGN admits that Nintendo always fucks themselves over in a corner with just how bad their screen capture technology is for games, for whatever damn reason. And as far as I read for MP3:C? Impressions were positive for the first person adventure controls, provided that the person holding the Wiimote stops trying to use it like a fucking light gun and moves it around like the fucking 3D mouse that it is... motherfucker...
There is a fucking cursor on screen, people. You don’t try to point and click your mouse at your actual monitor itself in a first person shooter, so why the fuck do people always do it with the Wiimote? Fucking goddammit, that’s both a problem for Nintendo (non-intuitive controls perhaps), or just clear as mud proof that humanity is fucking goddam stupid as hell... but that’s besides the point...
We also got announcements for a hell of a lot of new games. I’m particularly fond of the Fire Emblem series, and it’s great to see that we’re probably going to get a fucking real sequel to Path of Radiance on the new Wii... On the DS and DS Lite front, games like Star Fox DS and Yoshi’s Motherfucking Island 2 were announced. While it’s disappointing that they games aren’t being developed by Nintendo’s in-house development studios themselves, everyone who played these games hands-on didn’t seem to notice one damn bit...
And of course, I went ape-shit over cuckoo puffs with everyone else when Super Smash Bros Brawl was first officially announced. I’m a Nintendo fucking fanboy, so how else could I react when the fucking sheer definition of fucking fanboyness in a video game finally made its long awaited, triumphant return?...
I can understand why Nintendo didn’t show this game at their press conference, considering its current lack of Wiimote functions would make Nintendo’s new controller revolution seem unnecessary in the end. But even as just as internet video, I was fucking cheering and whooping and almost tearing up in joy at the sight of Link and Mario and even fucking Pikachu duking it out against the likes of Metaknight and Pit and fucking sweet-ass, titty-Samus...
And then we got Solid Snake in the game. WTF?...
Snake on the motherfucking Wii. WTF?...
Sure, I may hate the Metal Gear Solid games as works of art, but hot damn would I love to play with a fucking MGS bazooka and a goddam cardboard box in a fucking Smash Bros game...
GODDAMMIT, MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
And so it shall...
So say we all...
And truth be told, the Nintendo Wii will probably be the only fucking new console I buy this fucking holiday season...
... if only because it’s the only goddam system I can goddam afford...
... if only because it (along with E3), was one of the fucking reasons why I lost sixty four fucking thousand dollars in the first place...
... grumble grumble...
And if only because even regularly rehashed games like Madden NFL, are already sounding sweet as hell on the goddam Wii...
I mean, juke with the nunchuck accessory and pass/punt by motioning with the Wiimote itself?
Can it be? A Madden game that actually sounds fun?...
Attack the Giant Crab of Sony in the weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE?
Wii Sports for the win?...
...
The Phoenix Suns thrilled us all with their last second anti-Kobe antics in the first round against the Lakers, then stunned us all again by besting Elton Brand, Chris Kaman, and the Goliath-sized LA Clippers in seven more fucking games, all down to the wire...
Miami had a stunning first set with the Chicago Baby Bulls before easily dispatching of Vince fucking Carter and the goddam crybaby New Jersey Nets in five. Good riddance to pathetic rubbish. I approve of this news...
Mavericks embarrassed Memphis yet again before taking it to the defending Spurs champions, upsetting them in seven goddam games to almost everyone’s surprise, each 48 minutes of which went right down to the last damn second of the goddam wire. Dirk Nowitzki made even the Spurs seem exciting for once, therefore Dirk is God...
And Detroit steam-rolls over Milwaukee in the first round, only to almost get bowled over by LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers in the second round. After taking it basket for basket, eye for an eye with Gilbert "Choke-Artist" Arenas in the first round, LeBron proved in the Detroit series without a shadow of a doubt that he is indeed Michael Jordan’s true successor. And as also proven time and time again during the Thomas and Dumars age, a strong Pistons team is the only damn thing in the known universe that can shut down Michael fucking Jordan at his goddam best...
But who the fuck cares?
Why the fuck should any of us care? Am I right?
Because we all know where the real excitement in the NBA is...
The NBA Draft Lottery.
The goddam, NBA fucking Draft Lottery...
... and I knew it...
I knew it, I knew it.
I KNEW IT.
I fucking knew it...
... just our fucking luck...
Because out of all fucking years?...
Out of all fucking years for the Toronto Raptors, for my precious Toronto Raptors, to win the fucking NBA Draft Lottery? This had to be the fucking year? WTF?...
My. Fucking. God...
What the fuck ? Are we some giant crab or something? Do we have a weak spot for massive damage?
Seriously, how many times can David Stern fucking screw us over? WTF?...
The first time we won the lottery, it was the Allen Iverson year. Yet thanks to NBA rules at the time (which were changed promptly after, just for the Charlotte fucking Bobcats), a new expansion team was not allowed to pick first in the lottery, even if we won. So the Raptors were forced to pick second overall, choosing Marcus Camby and size over the star talent of Ray Allen and the rape potential of Kobe Bryant...
This time in the fucking draft lottery, this was the year where Greg Oden was supposed to be the prize. Absolutely the best high school talent since at least Dwight Howard, I’ve heard him compared to an insane, freakish, man-child hybrid of Amare Stoudemire and LeBron James himself. And as a bulked up centre with a massive wingspan? Not only would Greg Oden fill the biggest need for the fucking Toronto Raptors right away, but he could potentially be the most dominant player in the league someday since Shaquille fucking O’Neill...
Goddammit, this was supposed to be the year of Greg Oden...
... Greg FUCKING Oden...
But of course... but of fucking course?...
... this is the very same year that David Stern adds to the constitution, a fucking minimum age limit for the fucking NBA...
Meaning what? Meaning, Greg Oden is ineligible to join the draft until next fucking year...
So of course, naturally?... this would be the year...
... this would be the year, where my fucking Toronto Raptors finally win the lottery...
What the fuck is this? Is it all staged or something? Did David Stern give us the first overall draft pick in a completely meaningless year, just to shut all us Raptor fans up? If he really wanted to be nice, couldn’t he at least given us the second pick as well (which we actually won too with the ping pong balls by accident)? WTF?...
Now, I know that leap-frogging from fifth to first overall in the NBA draft is worth something at least, even in a draft year that’s about as weak (if not weaker) than even last year’s was. At least having first overall gives us a lot of trade options to use, a small freebie that may help get us into the playoffs a bit earlier then before, but will never make us a goddam contender for the throne...
... not without a true potential franchise player to pick up like Greg FUCKING Oden...
And if you think I’m the only one complaining about getting the fucking first overall draft pick in Toronto? Then just take one damn good look and listen to Bryan Colangelo’s press conference from today...
He’s already crying over the fact that having first overall isn’t really an asset, but rather a fucking burden for him. If he keeps the pick, not only will he have to pay his superstar more money out of our small salary cap ($3.6 million per year versus $2.4 million, I believe), but he will be shoe-horned by the critics into making the safest pick...
... the safest NCAA pick, that is...
It’s no goddam secret that Bryan Colangelo wants to basically turn the Toronto Raptors into his own Italian team, just like Rob Babcock was hoping to one day change us into the Spanish Tau-ronto Raptors. BC here has been on record so many times already that he wants to take Andrea Bargnani in the 2006 NBA Draft. And if we had drafted at the fifth spot, I would have no problem with that...
I do however, have a huge fucking problem with Andrea Bargnani being picked first overall...
I admit that Bargnani is an interesting prospect. He has arguably the most goddam potential for a European shooter since Dirk Nowitzki. I mean honestly, how the fuck can you turn down a legit 7’ small or power forward with the uncanny ability to make clutch three point shots?... Sure, Andrea barely plays any defense that I’m aware of. But does that same fault ever stop Dirk from constantly appearing on the list of top power forwards in the entire goddam league?...
Bargnani may be unproven to US scouts, but people who follow the Euroleagues claim that not only is he playing in one of the toughest leagues overseas? But that he’s also playing for one of the strongest teams, hence thanks to his teammates, his stats are much lower than his actual talent should suggest...
But seriously, besides Dirk Nowitzki and maybe Pau Gasol (who has shown absolutely zero potential in the playoffs for how many years running now?), what Europeans are out there in the NBA today who truly deserve the first overall pick of any goddam NBA draft? Enlighten me, please...
There are far more European (or non-North American) busts out there (Skita, Darko, and Toronto’s very own Rafael Araujo) than there are European successes. Sure, I’d love to get myself a Manu Ginobli, a Tony Parker, or even a Boris Diaw some day, but at the cost of a first overall draft pick? I don’t think so...
At the fifth overall draft spot, it’s okay to roll the dice on a prospect like Bargnani, who could potentially become a mix between Andrei Kirilenko and Dirk Nowitzki someday. But it’s just not right to waste the first overall pick on a player who has the potential to be a fucking huge bust as well, and Bryan Colangelo damn well knew that in his press conference all too well...
If Toronto does keep the first overall draft pick in the end, there are really only two main options to choose from as far as I’m concerned: Tyrus Thomas from LSU and LaMarcus Aldridge from Texas...
Tyrus Thomas was a beast in the NCAA Final Four. He literally willed his team to victory night in and night out, and showed the drive and the determination to truly be a defensive monster in the NBA league. The thing is though, he may be the Marvin Williams of the 2006 draft to some extent, because besides his current shot-blocking ability? All the rest of his facets and faculties are based in fucking potential and potential alone...
He’s a risk and an X-factor, almost as much as Bargnani is in many respects. His jump shot is mediocre from what I’ve seen, as most of his offence in the playoffs required him to power dunk his way over opponents, something unlikely to work for his 6’9" frame in the NBA... Sure, the guy is only 19 and can definitely grow a couple inches or two. And the guy has an Elton Brand wingspan already, equal in total height to Dwight Howard supposedly, so it’s not like he’d be stunted even if didn’t grow into the next Amare Stoudemire of a build...
But really, that’s a hell of a lot of "if’s" for a first overall draft pick. I loved him in the NCAA tournament, almost the same way that Dwyane Wade wowed me all those years ago. And if he can become the next Dwyane Wade (although at the SF/PF position instead), then of course he’d be worth the first overall draft pick this year. I indeed did see that same damn noted ferocity in him during the NCAA playoffs. But where the fuck was it the rest of the college season? Was it all just a one-time act?...
The safe pick is LaMarcus Aldridge, and I think almost everyone knows why. The guy is already 7’ with a frame that titters between a PF and a C. His body currently is in the same mold as Dwight Howard’s was before the high schooler (back then) bulked up big time to ensure being taking first overall by Orlando. And to be honest, I questioned the Orlando pick back then. I sure as hell don’t any longer...
LaMarcus Aldridge was awesome in the NCAA regular season. He was solid throughout, being both an offensive and defensive presence night in and night out. The problem was, the guy absolutely disappeared in the Road to the Final Four. People now constantly keep mentioning how Aldridge was absolutely owned by Big Baby when they met. He got pushed around by a fucking Michael Sweetney clone, which sure as hell didn’t make LaMarcus seem like the consensus first overall draft pick to anyone...
But how many times have we said the same thing about Tim Duncan in the NBA playoffs? LaMarcus still averaged a double double in the NCAA playoffs, while the rest of his team just couldn’t pick up the slack. The same happens to centres and often enough power forwards in the NBA as well, as big men often enough just don’t take the glory from the rest of the team when push comes to shove. Though yes, Joakim Noah did sort of prove that notion wrong for the Gators this year. And yes, I do admit that that Big Baby game was pretty damn embarrassing for the goddam Texan collegiate...
Still, LaMarcus Aldridge’s bio pretty much clearly states that he’s a poor man’s Tim Duncan, a power forward with the body to potentially play centre. We all know that he’s been damn solid for every single damn year he’s been in college...
And ironically enough for the Toronto Raptors?
His bio also states that LaMarcus Aldridge is a poor man’s Chris Bosh...
... goddammit...
Go figure...
... no wonder we won this draft...
But even so? I sure as hell wouldn’t mind two fucking Chris Bosh’s on this team...
I mean, if Chris Bosh is our poor man’s Kevin Garnett, Charlie Villanueva is our poor man’s Lamar Odom, and LaMarcus Aldridge turns out to be our poor man’s Tim Duncan? Then sign me the fuck up for the new Triple Towers...
Or would you call Bosh and Aldridge the Texan Tandem? The Dallas Duo? Or whatever the hell they’re calling them now on the forums, that is...
Sure, there are other prospects in the draft I would take my time to consider. Rudy Gay has perhaps the most superstar potential out of them all, as I’ve seen flashes of Vince Carter-ness from the guy ever since I started following him two years ago. And both Adam Morrison and Brandon Roy will make fine additions to teams, but they will probably only really contribute on the offensive side of things for years to come...
Even if any of those three have more superstar potential than Tyrus Thomas or LaMarcus Aldridge or even Andrea Bargnani, you just should never trade big for small. If you can get yourself a fucking centre out of the draft, then you fucking take it and run with it. If anything, it saves us a ton of fucking salary cap money when it comes to signing one of those rare free agent centres in the off-season. And you can worry about the ramifications of taking the fucking goddam first overall pick later after you get the fucking biggest trade bait of the fucking NBA draft...
The Raptors have been begging for a centre for years now, if not decades. And now that they’ve finally gotten a Tim Duncan style centre in LaMarcus Aldridge or a Ben Wallace type centre in Tyrus Thomas just placed into our laps, we’re gonna hide and run from it because they’re not Italian enough? Just because BC wants to make the Raptors an official member of the fucking Italian mafia? Please don’t shoot me, but WTF?...
I’ll eat serious crow if Bargnani does indeed become the next Dirk. But even if he does, Europeans often take years to develop into even serviceable players in the NBA. Even Nowitzki was terribly unclutch for God knows how long. So is it really right to risk losing our first overall draft pick to free agency, if we pick a European and he indeed turns into the next fucking Darko Milicic for the next two years?...
What will probably happen, is if Bryan Colangelo really has his goddam heart set on getting the Italian star wonder? Then I guess he will do all he can to trade down within the Top 5 picks of the draft and pick Andrea Bargnani from there...
I keep hoping that Chicago will desperately want either Tyrus Thomas or LaMarcus Aldridge from us (just one of them, not the other), and fall for our smoke-screens of us taking the guy they want as trade bait. Sure, I know Chicago ain’t nearly dumb enough to fall for goddam Jedi mind tricks such as these (they aren’t Isaiah Thomas, afterall). But as a Raptors fan, I can still dream the Hakeem dream, now can’t I?...
How about we trade the Raptors 1st overall draft pick to Chicago for their 2nd,, 16th, and their draft pick next year (including the right to swap it with New York’s first rounder)? Please? Pretty please, with a cherry on top?...
There are a lot of other opportunities out there. How about Portland’s 4th, 30th, and Jarrett Jack for Toronto’s first? How about Charlotte’s 3rd, Brevin Knight, and the future Raptors draft pick that they still have? Or Atlanta’s 5th and Josh Smith for the pick? I would definitely do any of those trades, provided that Bryan Colangelo is absolutely dead set on getting Andrea Bargnani with our pick. No point wasting a Top 5 pick on the first damn overall spot...
Since I’m a Raptors fan, and I pretty much called my team winning the first overall lottery pick this year out of all fucking years to win it (not that I don’t try to call the same thing every year, but whatever)? Can I still just at least indulge myself and dare to dream with my homerism trade scenarios and dream drafts here anyhew?...
So let’s just assume the Chicago GM gets a huge cramp of a brain-fart on draft day, and decides to trade their 2nd overall draft pick along with the 16th (and maybe some shit filler garbage like, say, Kirk Hinrich?...) to the Raptors for our 1st overall and some fucking useless shit like Eric Williams and a signed and traded Mike James?...
And then in the actual draft, after Chicago has a mind-fuck of a brain-fart again and picks Tyrus Thomas with the first overall selection, the Toronto Raptors select LaMarcus Aldridge with the 2nd overall pick, somehow nab Marcus Williams of UConn PG-fame with the 16th overall from Chicago, then completely roll the dice and luck out when both Andrea Bargnani and Tiago Splitter drop to our second round picks due to Euroteam buy-out issues?...
Please? Pretty please?...
Then sign Fred Jones and maybe Denham Brown as free agents in the off-season, saving the rest of our cap space for the big time free agent pool in 2006...
And then?... well, fuck me then...
2006 would really be the year for the fucking Toronto Raptors...
... ahem...
C: LaMarcus Aldridge, Tiago Splitter, Rafael Araujo
PF: Chris Bosh, Andrea Bargnani, Pape Sow
SF: Charlie Villanueva, Joey Graham, Matt Bonner
SG: Morris Peterson, Fred Jones, Denham Brown
PG: Kirk Hinrich, Marcus Williams, Jose Calderon
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar
Then and only then, will I fucking forgive David Stern for fucking Toronto out of Greg fucking Oden this year...
I mean seriously, what is the definition of irony? That the Raptors would finally win the fucking NBA lottery in probably the only fucking year where not only ain’t there a superstar first overall draft pick, but where the pick that we actually wanted would’ve dropped within the Top fucking 7 anyhew? WTF?...
Where the fuck was our luck in the Dwight Howard and Omeka Okafor year? Where were our fucking ping pong balls even last year, when we would’ve had a choice between Andrew Bogut and Chris fucking Paul?...
And not that I’m really complaining here, considering we did get Chris Bosh as a consolation prize. But why the fuck didn’t Toronto get any fucking slack during the fucking 2003 draft of LeBron fucking James? How the fuck did Detroit of all teams push us out of the Top 3? WTF?...
I’m still praying that the Raptors take either LaMarcus Aldridge or Tyrus Thomas (obviously, I have a preference towards the former, if only because of his frame and solidarity and size). But I’d be happy with goddam Andrea Bargnani as well, provided that we don’t waste a first overall draft pick on him...
... and I think Bryan Colangelo knows that too...
He better.
Or I’ll be the one fucking attacking his weak spot for massive damage...
...
You know, Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors was on the FAN 590 today, on the phone from his home in Texas. He claimed that he trusted in Bryan Colangelo, and that he himself didn’t know who to pick first overall in the NBA draft...
Then when later asked how he would spend the rest of his day? Chris Bosh simply and curtly replied, perhaps not even knowing the political ramifications of such, that he was going out to workout and play basketball with his good friend, LaMarcus fucking Aldridge, of all things...
Fuck, if that ain’t a message to Bryan Colangelo, unintentional or not, then I don’t know what is...
Chris Bosh practically wants to have LaMarcus Aldridge’s children, for bloody hell Christ’s sakes...
The two of them are still close friends, afterall. They were high school rivals in Dallas, with Bosh always dominating LaMarcus, of course...
And yes, I know a GM should not simply cater to his superstar, as we all know how that turned out with Vince fucking Carter. But really, if Glen Grunwald had indeed caved into Vince Carter’s demand of drafting Andre Iguodala instead of Rafael fucking Araujo, would any of us Toronto fans really be complaining? I think not...
But you know what was the most revealing part of the Chris Bosh interview today though?
That while the whole NBA lottery draft was taking place last night, Chris Bosh heard the good news while playing? Get this...
... ahem...
Madden on his fucking Sony PS2...
... his goddam Playstation...
Fucking goddam Sony...
Is that supposed to be a goddam message from the company or something?...
Is winning the NBA lottery while coincidentally playing the fucking PS2 supposed to be Sony’s way of sucking up to us Raptors fans, as a sorry for the PS3 costing six hundred US motherfucking dollars?...
Because really, even still? Multi-million dollar athletes like Chris Bosh will still be the only ones capable of affording tripe, fucking pieces of shit console systems like that. WTF?...
Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?...
... fucking Playstation 3D0 fun, that is...
Or rather, it all sounds like a goddam wish for a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Because I sure as hell will need some lottery luck, if I ever want to afford both my fucking video game consoles and Toronto Raptors home games next season at this goddam rate...
And why? Because of?... uggh...
... sixty four thousand dollars...
... sixty four fucking thousand dollars...
... goddam Greg FUCKING Oden...
... just my goddam luck...
... grumble grumble...
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
Y2kk Update: Ah, yes. Those good ol’ French...
Did they riot again today over their new youth employment law? How many students wasted away their school hours over this kind of shit again?
Really, I ask this simple question. What employer in their right mind would ever hire one of these kids?...
For those of who aren’t up to stuff on the most recent stupidity of the French, Jacques Chirac has been trying to pass a law for the past month or so, that will allow employers to fire employees of less than 26 years of age and two years on the job without justification...
Obviously, the lack of reason given is a big stickler, but even so? Any concerns will definitely be kept under control as long as there are a bunch of anti-racism and discriminatory laws in the country as well (which France seemingly has unlimited amounts of... I say that half jokingly of course, as any Muslim would know...)...
The reason for Chirac’s new bill, is because France is currently suffering from almost a twenty-fucking-five percent unemployment rate for its youth, and over 10% unemployment rate overall. His country is completely in a state of decay, as all the unions have basically taken over the corporations, preventing any company from ever wanting to hire anyone but the most trustworthy new employees, period...
And can you really blame them? Let me put it this way...
Let’s say you’re the manager of a company in France, and you need to expand. The thing is, with the modern French laws today, as soon as you hire someone off the streets? It really doesn’t matter how bad he or she turns out to be, or how many damn mistakes they make on the job. The moment you try to fire them, or the moment you try to even refuse to extend their contract, the unions will be all over you...
Once you get a job there overseas, you’re fucking set for life, no many how much you half-ass your way through. And why? Simply because more than 50% of the lawsuits against companies in France in the past several years alone for employee termination, have resulted in the corporation getting fucked over royally and financially in the end...
Simply put, if you don’t get paid through contract? You get paid through compensation, simple as that...
So really, if you are the employer, and if you were stuck in their shoes? If you were shammed into the situation, where the very moment you hire someone is the very moment that they essentially own your ass? How willing would you really be to take a risk on youth?...
... especially the French fucking youth of today...
But apparently, the students of France just don’t get it...
Yeah, yeah, I know all about the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette, and the march on Bastille. It’s supposedly the French’s God-given right to demonstrate and protest on the streets, even to the point where they harass their fellow students and even pump a little violence at the media for good measure...
But how many years again have the French been protesting over shit on their streets? How many years has it been, since they completely forgot about putting Napoleon into power in the first place, and letting the fucking Reign of Terror ruin whatever kind of economy and stability that they had going for them after their Revolution?...
Ah, yes... you can always rely on those good ‘ol French...
... fucking goddam red shirts of reality... and I think we all know that both World Wars are proof enough of that...
The amazing thing is, there were about a million students demonstrating across the country last week over this job law issue. The thing is though, if they were simply protesting over the fact that they could be fired from their jobs without justification? Then maybe they would have some basis to go about their business...
But wasn’t it just last fucking week that Chirac made a huge concession, that the law will still be passed, but now only with the new condition that the employer must give a reason and notice before they terminate an employee?...
Technically then, what the fuck is the problem with the law then? Isn’t that what everyone wants, that an employer can fire an employee only if they’re fucking lazy ass and horrible on the job? And yet, I read this morning that millions more French are still choosing to protest the law on the goddam Parisian streets today? WTF?...
It’s hilarious reading quotes from some of the youth screaming on the streets. For instance, the Washington Post had a good series of comments, of students claiming that they hate the new law because it forces them to ‘not make a mistake on the job or else get fired’, or even ‘to be forced to work as hard as possible to keep my job’...
And so, I quote the Washington Post from a week ago...
... wait for it...
... ahem...
"They're offering us nothing but slavery," said Maud Pottier, 17, a student at Jules Verne High School in Sartrouville, north of Paris, who was wrapped in layers of scarves as protection against the chilly, gray day. "You'll get a job knowing that you've got to do every single thing they ask you to do because otherwise you may get sacked. I'd rather spend more time looking for a job and get a real one."
... umm, wait a tick?...
That’s their excuse for wanting to fuck over every company in their goddam country? WTF?!?...
And yet, while I have no doubt that American papers are purposely taking some of the stupidest quotes from the French students out of context, there’s still no denying that there definitely must be a few screws loose overseas if they’re still protesting the law after Chirac’s major concession last week. I mean, from what I’ve read and what it sounds like, the youth of France just want to be able to steal their way into a company position and keep it for life, regardless of how little they care for the corporation or how minimal of an effort they actually put into their job...
So I now quote a student speaking to BBC News itself...
... ahem...
"I am fully opposed to this law because I simply disagree that it is okay to fire someone after two years on the job.
This is going to be a big problem for French youths who are joining the job market.
It will cause inequality between young and old, and I am obviously against that.
I leave university at the end of the year and this law puts added pressure on me now.
It means that when I do get a job I will basically have to work as hard as I can to keep it.
If I make any mistakes I could be fired immediately.
This will affect me severely, so I have taken to the streets."
... umm... say again?...
... what?!?...
Do they not know how the real world works? WTF?!?...
Do they not know that the work force is all about showing your stuff and proving to the Man that you belong? The success of the private sector is almost entirely based on survival of the fittest, of the concept of weeding out all free-loaders from the fucking office place to create the most efficient team possible. And as long as you dedicate yourself to their cause, and produce satisfying and self-marketable results in the end? Then a corporation should realize your immense talents and fucking make sure to keep you safely and securely on board...
... or, well?... that is how the theory goes, if it wasn’t for fucking politics really...
And God, it’s just that the timing of all these French protests is simply hilarious to me...
... or aggravating, really...
Because you see, I’m a Canadian and I’ve worked for my fucking government for almost a year now. I technically thought my job was set, that once you get your foot into the government, you’re locked in there for life. I mean, that’s what I believed, and that’s what I’ve been told...
But the thing is, I just lost my job. My contract expired a week ago and they wouldn’t renew it, and they didn’t really give me a reason why...
... though I do myself know the reasons why (or people why, really)...
Well, yes. They technically did give me a bullshit reason, about financial budgets and constraints and shit like that. But their real motive lies in goddam politics, and the fact I may not have made many allies in the office place, which is sadly really what it takes to stay in the working world... details of which, I’ve left for my download website...
But suffice to say, I may be goddam disappointed that I was left out to Louis pasture. But such is the way of the fucking business world, no matter where you go. My performance was just fine and dandy, but there are always factors that screw around the youth of employment, and really there isn’t a damn thing you can do about that...
... well, not without fucking over every single company out there first, at least...
Most of my friends have gotten jobs in private firms, some of them small and some being huge corporations. Either way, the goals of my friends are the same – use the company for a year or two, gain a reputation and experience for your resume, and then leave for a better job out of the door. Who really wants to work at the same place for eternity anyhew?...
And truth be told, that plan falls perfectly in line with what most of those tech companies want as well. Experience is always good for employees, but most corporations care more about low-cost skill than they do about keeping old farts around...
The best way to do that, is to simply hire an employee straight out of university for dirt cheap wages, then discard them after a year or two when their promotion or raise is finally up. That way, they save the costs and union hassles of ever having to deal with an employee asking for more money and power, especially considering there are thousands of unemployed university graduates just begging to take those replacement, entry level jobs...
Are we all disposable workers then?
Yes. Yes, we are...
What else do you expect in a world of hundreds of thousands, if not millions of university graduates?...
We may live in the age of self-entitlement, where every college stud thinks they’re owed the world right out of the undergraduate gates. But how can we really be guaranteed of anything, when there are countless others all vying and competing for the little amount of positions available out there on the job market today?...
But apparently? Of course, the French expect more...
In order to stay in a company and get that raise, get that extra power, and get that promotion? Here in North America at least, you have to work your complete ass off to prove that you’re loyal to the company. I know so many business people right now, all trying to out-duel each other for the few scant openings of prestige in their corporations. They stay in the office from 7 am to 12 pm at night sometimes, and even show up on the weekends, just to prove that they’re the man or woman for the job...
Do I agree with this? Would I ever do this myself? Hell no I wouldn’t, especially considering I’m fucking used to the lazy ass ways of the goddam government...
But even in the Canadian Government? Maybe if I had worked my ass off and played a few politics of my own, letting everyone know of just what I achieved instead of just hoping my work would speak for itself (which it apparently did not)? Then maybe I would still have my job, maybe I would have gotten that promotion, and maybe I wouldn’t be back to the free agent labour force market search all over again...
Sometimes, I do look back and sort of wish that I could have a system like the French currently do. Sometimes I look back, and wonder what it would be like to have so much power thanks to my union, that I would never have to worry about job security ever again. That is what I was hoping for, and that is what I was sort of expecting, n’est pas?...
But then, of course I remember? That the very damn reason I fucking got my job in the first place? Was because my employer and managers were willing to take a risk on me, even without knowing whether I would truly be a good worker or not...
You need to get your foot through the door first if you want any chance at a career. Why else would all my friends and thousands of university graduates every year be scratching and clawing at one another, just to get dirt cheap paying wages and positions in the end? You need something for your fucking resume...
Meanwhile, while I’m still bitter about what happened with my job situation? The fucking youth of France is dogging it again on the streets, complaining about a law that will essentially just make their country closer on common grounds to just my own fucking country of Canada? WTF?...
And considering I just lost my job, yet they’re the ones bitching and truly complaining about it on the rues and avenues ahead? You see the irony here?...
Let me set the record straight. Because like it is here in Canada, some companies will want disposable workers and some will simply discard people once the two year limit is up. But there are also some companies out there that will actually look for talent, and will keep the employees who actually give a damn about their work and the corporation...
How is that really a bad thing? It means that more companies will move to France, more companies will open shop, and more fucking companies will take a chance at hiring youth. With a fucking 23% youth unemployment rate, I ask again, how the fuck is that a bad thing?...
But oh, according to the Parisians storming Bastille?...
Even in a revolutionary case like that, you still need to get your foot through the fucking gates first to get your voice heard. Have they forgotten that?...
But ay, I forgot who were we talking about here for a second...
Ah, yes... good ol’ French...
...
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m now back to being fucking unemployed. I’ve been applying to a few jobs, signing up to a few headhunters, and talking to a few people from my office in hope of internal position openings. But besides that? Yeah, it’s been slow... real slow for me, at least...
It’s just kind of ironic though, or at least coincidental. Because the day after I had written my April 1st download update, about how I sort of even miss coffee breaks with my coworkers at the Canadian government?...
The very day after, almost as if it was an April Fool’s joke on me? The very same Tim Hortons on Yonge and Bloor St. that I always used to frequent, got its bathroom blown up by what appeared to be a bomb...
Well, it appeared to be a bomb at first, at least. In the end, people are claiming it was a tank of gasoline in some person’s hand, though I have no fucking clue what good intentions a guy would have with a gas tank in a fucking water closet...
Initial reports claimed that some bomb wires had been found on the scene, but I suppose those reports quietly subsided into rumour. Later, the police just tried to paint a picture of a deranged man probably in the mood of arson...
Now, I sincerely doubt it was terrorism, even if there was a cover-up to this all. But either way, it just seems peculiar about how damn much the government is trying to downplay a potential bomb explosion at one of the busiest damn Tim Hortons in the goddam country...
So, apparently in an ironic twist of fate? The very same Tim Hortons coffee and donut shop that I can no longer visit, simply because I’m not in downtown Toronto anymore for my fucking job at the CIBC tower?... Well, now nobody at my former workplace can fucking get their double doubles and Roll-Up-The-Rim’s to win, unless that Timmies has already opened the fuck back up. And until then? Everyone at my former workplace probably felt like a complete caffeine-deprived stain of shit the very moment that my office place opened back up this week...
Was it sweet justice? Umm, hell no, considered somebody died in the accidental explosion (though it was probably the arsonist himself, fucking up his explosive while readying it). But something just seems oddly poetic about it all, as a form of closure for me? That the very same Tim Hortons that all those fucking assholes who backstabbed me seemed to love, ended up being closed for good measure in the end...
I guess, it’s something to make you think about...
... and maybe something a bit suspicious as well...
The War Measures Act, and the storming of the Tim fucking Hortons gates?...
Ah, yes... good ol’ French...
...
There’s one thing I never mentioned on my download sites about my final day of work. Because besides all those cliche lunches and coffees that my coworkers supplied to me as farewell gifts? I also treated myself to the absolute worst seats in the house at the Toronto Raptors vs Minnesota Timberwolves NBA game at the Air Canada Centre that night...
It was the second NBA game I’ve been to this year. And ironically enough, despite the Raptors’ atrocious record this season? This was the second straight game that I’ve gone to, where Toronto has simply carved up the competition in a blowout. WTF?...
So, judging by my luck and record so far, if my brother and I got season tickets to the ACC next year? The Raptors will be looking at a fucking 82-0 record. Not fucking half bad, if you ask me...
... but I say Bryan Colangelo can still do one better...
I heard on the wiretap today, that Toronto’s newest GM is thinking about trading away our first round draft pick in exchange for a veteran from another team. And while knowing BC’s previous drafting record, of pure gems like Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudemire (not to mention Steve fucking Nash), I have no real fear or doubt in my mind that he will find a way to either trade down or use our Top 5 pick in the end to the best of our advantage...
Unless he’s been sent to us by David Stern, as a fucking mole rat meant to destroy our franchise and move it back to the goddam US...
Because then again? Colangelo did previously trade away Luol Deng just for the remote chance at signing Kobe fucking Bryant in the off-season, and look how that turned out. So suddenly, things seem a hell of a lot darker and a hell of a lot more murky from where I’m coming from, at least...
But come to think about it? A lot of Raptors fans on the Net have been demanding to trade away our draft pick for the longest damn time, simply because this upcoming draft selection is supposed to be weak as well, perhaps even as bad as the fucking Rafael Araujo year was after the Top 3 (consisting of Dwight Howard, Omeka Okafor, Ben Gordon, and maybe Andre Iguodala after that)...
And after watching the NCAA March Madness and Final Four tournament these past few weeks? It was the first time I have ever put up with university basketball shit before in my life, and I can proudly say that I came away not the least bit impressed...
I watched mainly for the draft prospects, which have been the only driving force for a Raptors fan after a fucking tanked season like this one. And like I said, almost none of the kids have been impressive...
Adam Morrison, leading scorer in the regular season, couldn’t find his shot all playoff series long. And JJ Reddick proved that unlike Rip Hamilton, he can’t score behind screens unless the basket is fucking spoon-fed to him... Now, I’ve heard that Brandon Roy moved up sharply in the rankings. But I just don’t see a Top 5 pick being wasted on him, unless he somehow proved without my knowledge that he is indeed the next damn Dwayne Wade...
Meanwhile on UConn, the only NCAA team I’ve ever given a damn about? Rudy Gay showed great potential, though it was pretty much completely wasted in almost every single game of the tournament. Meanwhile, players like Josh Boone stank up the joint when they just couldn’t compete on the elevated level as teams such as George Mason did...
A certain number of players have had their stock risen sharply in the past couple of weeks, as can be expected. Tyrus Thomas was on the top of the charts for a long time, if only because he was literally willing his way to victory... Pretty much every single other George Mason player got a serious look at through the tournament, until that team stank it up against Florida in the Final Four, at least...
Corey Brewer of the Gators wasn’t bad, although I have my reservations about his overall game at the NBA level. But absolutely the story of the NCAA season has been Joakim Noah, the lanky little PF who came out of almost nothing to become a near triple-double, Boris Diaw threat every game in the Final Four...
Some have ever said that Joakim Noah may now very well go number one in the draft, but I for one seriously doubt he’ll keep his ranking once combine test results start flooding in. He just doesn’t have the size or the strength to be anything but a running PF or C in the end. He’s a tweener, who just wouldn’t fit into anything but a Phoenix Suns run and gun type of system...
... which, by all coincidence?... is exactly what Bryan Colangelo and the Raptors are searching long and hard for...
There are definitely some decent big men in the draft, including the Bosh-like Aldridge, the Nowitzki-like Bargnani, and the all-defensive Tiago Splitter. I’ve been following all three of these players all year, and while Aldridge would work great as a center next to Chris Bosh and Charlie Villanueva on the Raptors? I just don’t see him as someone who would stand out on this team, as he’s far more of a primary scoring option than the second star Toronto desperately needs right now...
I have absolutely no problem then with trading down, assuming Toronto somehow wins the lottery or at least gets into the Top 3 of 2006 picks. I definitely do have a problem however, with the thought of trading away our draft pick without any other first round decent picks in return...
I don’t really think there are any surefire superstars in this NBA draft, although there definitely is a lot of potential for one. However, I do definitely think that there is a lot of potential second stars in this draft, which is exactly what the Raptors need. Whether we get Rudy Gay with the 5th overall pick or the 10th, does it really matter? He still has the skills and physique and power to shine...
And besides, do we really ever want to completely give up on a draft? I mean yes, more often than not a draft is pretty top heavy and rather dry after the first four picks or so. But sometimes, even during a "weak" draft? A GM can be pleasantly surprised...
2003 ring the bell for anyone?...
... ahem...
I give you IvanF’s Top 20 of the 2003 "weak" NBA Draft:
Other IvanFian Notables of the 2003 "weak" NBA Draft:
Nick Collison (Seattle), James Jones (Phoenix), Luke Walton (LA Lakers), Kendrick Perkins (Boston), Willie Green (Philadelphia), Marcus Banks (Minnesota), Matt Bonner (Toronto), Travis Outlaw (Portland), Steve Blake (Portland)
I still remember so many damn Raptors fans back then, especially the Vince Carter apologists, all demanding to trade Toronto’s 4th overall draft pick since there were considered to be only three good prospects in the entire draft (Lebron, Carmelo, and Darko of all people...)... But just imagine if we had given up our draft pick up that year though. Not only would we have given up on Chris Bosh, but we’d be passing on Dwayne Wade, Chris Kaman, Kirk Hinrich, and a whole host of others as well...
So, what’s my strategy? Well, if I were a homer (which I am) and if I were Bryan Colangelo (which sadly, I’m not... he probably gets a lot of hot Italian sex, dammit...)? Then I’d definitely be looking to trade down with the Raptors’ pick, to maximize all benefits possible...
First move? I sincerely doubt that Chicago would do this, but assuming that Toronto somehow wins the 1st overall pick in the lottery? Chicago would be desperate for a true scoring centre like LeMarcus Aldridge or even Bargnani, and might just might be willing to part with their ever troublesome and meddlesome Ben Gordon to do so...
So how about some wishful thinking here? Toronto trades the 1st overall draft pick, a future second round draft pick and Rafael Araujo (big man who still has some potential) to Chicago, for Ben Gordon and the two Chicago draft picks this year (their own and the one they got from New York)?...
Then I’d do a second trade, even if this one is even a bit more of a homer...
Now, I absolutely love Luke Ridnour’s game, and Seattle hopefully has gotten sick to death of his lack of defence. Or at least, I can only pray... I still think that Luke can be the next Steve Nash one day, a real force in the NBA, if only he could learn to use the Force. And Seattle definitely would love to move up in the draft, to get a chance at a big man scorer like Bargnani or even Tyrus Thomas...
So how about some more wishful thinking here? What if Toronto trades the New York 1st round draft pick they got from Chicago and a signed-and-traded Mike James to Seattle, for Luke Ridnour and Seattle’s own 1st round draft pick this year? Now, I’m sure the SuperSonics would rather just hold onto Ridnour themselves, but I’m praying that the rumours of a rift between the two of them would make a trade like this more than just possible...
And when it comes to the NBA Draft of 2006 itself? Joakim Noah and Rudy Gay will probably both go Top 5, but I can dream that they’d drop to around the Top 10 after tryouts and shit like that, right?... And as for Adam Morrison, the fucking lazy porn star? Who knows? I can always beg the Lords of Kobol that he and Denham Brown both drop deep into the second round, just like Kyle Korver and Salim Stoudemire did in previous years...
And finally, when it comes to free agency? Well, if I was a homer, I’d say we should sign Speedy Claxton as our solid backup point guard, as I really credit him for a lot of Chris Paul’s success in New Orleans. And I’d also address Toronto’s need for a centre, perhaps by prying away either Nene Hilario from Denver or Chris Wilcox from Seattle, just as long as the price is reasonably right?...
... but since I’m not a homer?...
Well, I guess I would just make a worthless, throwaway trade with Orlando instead...
I mean, they get to dump on us shitty ass Dwight Howard, Darko Milicic and the rights to Fran Vasquez?...
... for Eric Williams, Matt Bonner, and maybe Andre Barrett... maybe, if they’re dreaming...
Although as a Raptors fan? I’m not so sure I would pull the trigger on that crappy ass trade for us myself...
Though assuming we do take Orlando’s garbage? With that, and as the French would say?...
Voila! I give you the fully employed Toronto Raptors squad of 2006-2007!...
... ahem...
C: Dwight Howard, Joakim Noah, Darko Milicic
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Pape Sow
SF: Rudy Gay, Adam Morrison, Joey Graham
SG: Morris Peterson, Ben Gordon, Denham Brown
PG: Luke Ridnour, Speedy Claxton, Jose Calderon
Development: Fran Vasquez, Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar
Now there’s my NBA 2K7 and Live 2007 dynasty teams right then and there...
Now normally, I would say right about now, "Bryan Colangelo, make it happen!"
But since he’s supposedly such a basketball GM god? Then, well...
... I think he got the message... and I definitely do think he can get it done...
Well, except for that crappy Dwight Howard and Darko Milicic part, that is... uggh...
... Orlando can keep their trash if they want....
But everything else? C’mon Bryan Colangelo, make it fucking happen...
Or else, truth be told?...
... he’s gonna be joining Rob Babcock and Mike James at the Unemployment Insurance line real damn soon...
...
Well, actually... he’d be joining me, considering I’m fucking out of a job myself...
But all in all, it was a decent way to cap off my finale from work, now don’t you think?...
A Toronto Raptors blowout that is, of seeing Chris Bosh absolutely dominate Kevin fucking Garnett in a game?...
And then learning just one week later, that the favourite Tim Hortons of all those fucking backstabbers of mine at work, just might be stabbing them in the back with shrapnel one of these fucking days to come?...
Yeah, technically I still wish I was employed. Don’t we all want to make money, and have a sense of purpose in life?...
Well, I guess technically you don’t need a job for that. As the French are currently just perfectly content reliving the French Revolution over and over and fucking over again as their main extent of existentialism...
But really, I still ask this simple question. What employer in their right mind would ever hire one of these rioting students ever in their lives after all this shit?...
Because it all sounds like so much fucking fun, now doesn’t it?...
... well, considering I’m still unemployed here with not much to do anymore myself?...
Hell, if I was in France, and I saw a million fucking French hotties all throwing their inhibitions out of the windows, away on the streets?...
Then oh God, would I ever storm their gates...
I’d be their knight in shining armour, and siege their rainy castles all fucking night long...
... lightning really can strike twice in their same place in one night... I can make it happen...
Goddammit, sign me up right away for the next march on Bastille! Make it fucking happen!
That is? Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite!...
... and a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and of course, a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
Y2kk Update: Well, I didn’t want to believe it... but I guess it just had to happen sometime...
... ahem...
Toll the death knell thrice...
... because the Mycrowsoft Network is officially down... and down for good...
Smartredirect, the small time company that offered the Mycrowsoft redirection service for me, is no longer. This past week or whatever, the owner of the site finally decided to close shop, for whatever reasons he or she may have had... As a result, pretty much all of my Mycrowsoft.com redirection addresses are no longer functioning. Of course, that includes my noname.mycrowsoft.com one, not to mention the tweakui.mycrowsoft.com address that points to this very website of mine...
But hey, if you’re one of those two readers out there who actually does check my Tweakui website still, I guess things can’t be that bad, now can they be? Afterall, if you were really somehow addicted to only using my "mycrowsoft.com" domains, then you wouldn’t be able to read this Tweakui website right about now, now would you?...
Oh yes, I still remember the glory days of the internet, when you could actually make fucking money off of just surfing the net... I was one of those guys who tried to cheat the system, of course. I had a multitude of programs downloaded off the net to move my mouse and enter keyboard strokes once in a while, just to hopefully fool all those ad companies into thinking I was actually at my computer 24/7, looking and clicking on their advertising shit...
My brother and I eventually did get a check for fifty measly bucks from some company for our efforts... and never did get the other hundred or so dollars that they owed us before the all those shit agencies closed shop for good...
... ah, yes... good times...
And, umm... how exactly does this all relate to the Mycrowsoft issue at hand?...
... umm?... I... don’t... know...
But also back then, when I was first looking for redirection addresses for my Tweakui and Download websites at the time? I really only had two main choices to pick from, considering I detested all the standard sort of crappy ass redirection urls from the era, such as "move.to" or "come.to" or those awful ".biz" addresses...
The two companies that I had to pick from were CJB.net and of course, Smartredirect.com...
Now, in 20/24/7 hindsight, I guess picking CJB would’ve been the wiser. The company was already large at the time, and is still going strong and probably staying reasonably profitable to this very day. Not to mention the fact that everyone knew that typing "cjb.net" into your web browser was a hell of a lot easier than typing goddam "mycrowsoft.com" every fucking time...
And, well? Just to wrap up this little noname history lesson of mine, I chose my Mycrowsoft domains eventually, simply because I wanted a ".com" address. Literally just a ".com" address... I couldn’t stand the fact that CJB used the ".net" suffix, and I still don’t like it to this very day...
Bah, whatever. Do redirection addresses even really matter anymore? Especially considering you can just type "IvanF" into Google, and pretty much every single one of my shitty ass websites since 1999 all immediately come up... though God knows what will happen if you pick that you’re feeling Wayne Gretzky "lucky"...
Still, after the Mycrowsoft network went down this week? I felt compelled to replace it with some sort of decent redirection url anyhew, just for shits and giggles... I thought long and hard about webalias.com, considering I still am a huge fan of the ".com" appendage. It’s just that, after so many years with Mycrowsoft? I was sick of all the pop-ups that places like webalias still force all users to have...
So I checked out a little redirection site known as No-Ip.com, and they didn’t seem so bad to me. There wasn’t a single decent ".com" redirection address in there, but I found a decent enough ".net" one to my liking I suppose...
Why the hell am I choosing yet another small company over CJB then, especially when this time I don’t even get the benefit of the ".com" doubt that I wanted?... Bah, I guess I just have a little pride and prejudice grudge against CJB now, that’s all...
And besides, in a Google world? I seriously doubt anyone would ever use my new redirection addresses. But anyhew, just for you two readers out there, here they are...
... ahem...
My IvanF Tweakui site is now located at both: http://ivanftweakui.serveblog.net and http://tweakui.serveblog.net .
My IvanF Noname site is now located at both: http://ivanfnoname.serveblog.net and http://noname.serveblog.net .
My IvanF Download site is now located at both: http://ivanfdownload.serveblog.net and http://download.serveblog.net .
And my IvanF Archives website is now located at both: http://ivanfoffice.serveblog.net and http://office.serveblog.net .
Unlike CJB, I could actually get all the address names that I wanted to for my websites (except for my MSN one, a site that doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned...). And unlike CJB, at least these redirection sites don’t have to deal with pop-ups or shitty ass banners, except if I choose to use url cloaking that is...
... but sigh... I still wish that I could fucking just get back my Mycrowsoft.com network already...
Sure, I guess I can just quit being cheap, and just pony up the cash for the DNS address itself...
... but bah, we live in the modern internet age... where we prefer every fucking thing we get to be free...
I was hoping for the longest time, that the Mycrowsoft.com network would be up and working well into my old age...
Oh, what a shitty ass homer dream that was... what the fuck was I thinking?...
Then again? I’m a Toronto Maple Leafs fan... who still thinks we can win a goddam Stanley Cup this year...
... obviously, logic and predictions of the future are not my forte...
...
Well, the Toronto Maple Leafs lost yet again... dropping seven straight games in the fucking season last night to the Ottawa Senators of all teams...
I guess I ain’t that pissed off or surprised though. Afterall, just like I told my Ottawa-obsessed co-worker on Friday?... As a Leafs fan, I watch every game against Ottawa fully knowing that we’re gonna get our asses kicked. And when the obvious happens? I just shrug it off as normalcy...
But if we ever win? Oh hell yes, if we ever do fucking win?... I will be taunting and screaming and boasting in his bloody hell ears for God knows how long. As really, who the fuck would ever expect Toronto to actually win a fucking meaningful game this year?...
I mean, if the Leafs tank? It’s expected...
But if the Leafs win? It’s a miracle... a miracle on Yonge Street...
Either way? The way I look at it?... I, as a Leafs fan, just can’t lose...
... though obviously, my Ottawa fanatic of a coworker doesn’t quite see the logic in that...
However, the Maple Leafs tanking the 2005-06 season was predicted long before the NHL lockout ever came to a close and the cap system was put into full effect. So every fucking time the 41-year old Belfour lets in a soft goal, or McCabe turns over the puck for the fucking umpteenth time in a row, an angel doesn’t lose its wings... simply because there ain’t no Toronto angels left with wings after all these goddam past games of fucking mediocrity...
But what I can’t understand for the fucking life of me, is how in the blue hell the fucking Canadian Maple Leafs (or Team Canada, if you will) at the fucking Olympics could get fucking eliminated before the medal rounds even bloody hell started? WTF?...
To quote the ever popular AI and AI2 at the NBA All-Star break?...
... ahem...
"WHAT HAPPENED?!?"
"WE WUZ ROBBED!!!"
Or we just sucked... plain and simple, really...
Seeing the team that Wayne Gretzky of all has-beens selected, it was obvious that he was playing politics more than he was playing the actual GM game itself... He selected a bunch of bruisers and a whole host of fucking loyalists from the last Olympics games. He chose players well beyond their prime instead of going for any of the new Canadian skillful youth that would actually be a match for teams like Russian and Finland...
Like I said, the Canadian fucking Maple Leafs indeed...
What the fuck was he thinking with the team he made? I’m not just saying this in hindsight. I knew in my heart the moment that the team list was released, that Gretzky had concocted a recipe for pure disaster...
Now, I will give him the slight benefit of the doubt, considering many of the better players that were on his list had gotten injured from the fucking NHL season before the Olympics even got close to starting... But when your backup list consists of fucking Bryan McCabe as a top tier defenseman? Then I think the GM has quite a few fucking issues to work out...
Now, never in my wildest dreams did I think Team Canada would tank that hard at the Olympics this year. Though seeing the team that we did have on paper, I was expecting a disaster of epic proportions...
... with "epic" meaning a bronze medal game in my mind, that is... reducing us to the same goddam embarrassment that AI did with the NBA Dream Team two years ago...
But what the fuck happened? How the fuck did we not even get that far? How the fuck did a team of fucking overpaid allstars not even get a wiff of the fucking medal rounds? WTF?...
I still remember how moot I felt when Team Canada won the Gold Medal after fifty fucking years of drought in Salt Lake City or wherever it was held in 2002... It was like the complete opposite of the Toronto Maple Leafs complex for me, really. Because if we had won the gold medal (which we did), I would just shrug it off and consider it to be expected and normalcy...
But if we lost? Oh, fucking goddammit, if we had lost?... all gloves would be off, and no punches would be pulled...
... and the term "shoot-out" would be more than likely aimed at Wayne fucking Gretzky... in a lovely soccer sort of way, that is...
Now, I may be no fan of conspiracy theories, but it just seems like too much of a fucking coincidence here, that Wayne Gretzky’s hall of fame name would be tarnished by not only the Olympics?... but also the whole fucking Rick Tocchet gambling fiasco, all in a span of just three fucking weeks...
Sure, the hockey glove may not fit when it comes to the evidence against the Great One. But really?...
I may have no clue what the odds in Vegas were, of both Team Canada and Team America getting eliminated on the very same day in the Olympic hockey semi-finals?...
... but me thinks we all know a certain Great One who did...
I’ll give you 6 to 1 odds on that...
...
Oh, to cap off such a brilliant past month in sports for a Toronto, Canadian fan like me? Oh, let’s see here...
Not only was Team Canada humiliated out of the hockey semi-finals of the Olympic tournament, and not only are the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs now reduced in shame to the 11th spot in our fucking NHL conference?...
But also, the fucking Toronto Raptors have dropped six or seven straight games in a row, including yet another one to Vince fucking Carter... with the losing streak running right until the Raps finally defeated the hapless Boston Celtics tonight, that is...
Sure, I watched each and every single one of those NBA games, and the Raptors played just great if not spectacular for three out of every four or five quarters that they did... But goddammit, it’s just painful to watch an entire team choke when it all comes down to the wire, when the Mycrowsoft domain chips go down, and when the real NBA heroes are fucking born and made...
God, it’s like Toronto has the fucking SARS curse or some shit like that... WTF?...
Why don’t they just call a non-existent time-out while they’re at it too? I fully expect that from either Chris Bosh or Mike James, if we ever do make the playoffs next fucking year at least...
The thing is though, finally we demoralized Toronto Raptors fans have a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. As at least TO has had one decent thing to cheer about in the past couple of weeks, even if it was completely off the court (and most of it off the record)...
Now, I would’ve originally booed Wayne Embry (our interim GM) out of the arena for not only ousting Rob Babcock, but also for trading the fucking first rounder Denver pick to New York just to unload ourselves of Jalen Rose...
Jalen may have been a sore spot for our cap space, but he still would’ve come off the books before the huge free agent summer of 2007 (where Paul Pierce, Antawn Jamison, and even Vince fucking Carter all lie in wait...). So what the point was giving away a draft pick now just to get rid of the guy before the summer of ’06, and give ourselves the embarrassment of also being the one damn team to be fleeced by Isiah Thomas to boot?...
The thing is though, at the time I didn’t really believe all the Bryan Colangelo rumours that were swirling about. I mean, I knew his family was close to Wayne Embry, and I knew that the new Sarver owner of the Phoenix Suns wanted to get Steve Kerr as his new GM, ousting Colangelo in the process...
But seriously? In my wildest dreams, did I ever think that Bryan Colangelo, GM Executive of the NBA in 2005 (and probably again in 2006, as weird as that now sounds), would actually ever remotely think about joining the Toronto fucking Raptors of all teams?...
Fuck, even as a guy who still thinks that I can keep my Mycrowsoft domain for free for eternity, and that the Toronto Maple Leafs can still win the Stanley Cup this year?... I would still call anyone who thought that we could get fucking Colangelo (ala the rumours above) as fucking goddam homers, if I was asked three fucking weeks ago that is...
But truth be told, the Italian Mafia king of GMs has officially signed on the dotted line with TO. He was going to be ousted by the new Phoenix management anyhew, and he wanted to get a sweet ass deal with a deep pocketed team desperate to get out of the fucking rebuilding stage...
I guess in hindsight, it becomes obvious why Bryan Colangelo chose Toronto as his next destination. Obviously, a raise to almost four million dollars of salary a year kind of helped, not to mention the presidential position of Richard Fucking Peddie and getting a small ownership stake in the franchise as well...
But to be honest? The fact that we have a high draft pick, and the fact that we have fucking cap space in 2006 to boot, were both definitely reasons why Colangelo chose my city as his place to step out of his father’s legendary shadow... and prove that he wasn’t just a one trick pony over in Phoenix, that is...
Even though I still absolutely hate the fact that we gave up on the Denver draft pick, as I just have a gut feeling that this upcoming "weak" 2006 draft year will somehow be a diamond in the rough superdraft waiting to happen (just like the Lebron James sweepstakes year turned out to be as well)? Well, still...
I don’t know, but I guess moving Jalen Rose before Isiah Thomas had a chance to change his mind about the deal, was the right move for this franchise in the end. Because honestly, this is how the trade really ended up in the end...
It was Jalen Rose, the Denver draft pick, and Rob fucking Babcock...
... for Antonio Davis, cap space, and Bryan goddam Colangelo...
It was a once in a lifetime chance to snag the NBA Executive of the year. And realistically speaking, if the above had really been the exact trade on paper, who in their right fucking mind would ever turn that down?...
Now, I still personally doubt that there are any decent free agents this year. And our cap space can still vary greatly, depending on what both Eric and Alvin Williams decide to do with their contracts once the off-season starts... But Bryan Colangelo has proven with guys like Boris Diaw and James Jones (and even fucking Steve Nash, really), that he can find pretty much any and every fucking gem in the rough in the trade and free market NBA arenas...
So assuming that we will have more than the ten or twelve million in cap room that we currently have in the summer of 2006? I’d like to imagine that BC would go for a top tier "potential" centre in Nene Hilario (for about $7-8 million), and a solid backup in Chris Wilcox for about $5-6 million...
With our guard positions, we can probably retain Mike James for $3 million as long as we give him a four or five year deal. And I would definitely prefer to get Speedy Claxton of the New Orleans Hornets with whatever money we have left from the MLE...
On draft day, I’m guessing that we’ll go with Adam Morrison with our first round draft pick, considering we desperately need a clutch fucking shooter come crunch time. There will always be fear of his great white stiffness and his diabetes or whatever, but we can always also pray that a pornstache guy like him will have the work ethic of a certain Larry Bird...
With our Miami second rounder? I’m hoping that Denham Brown of UConn drops that far, if only so that we can become the first team to ever draft a Canadian into the NBA... But speaking of UConn? Oh, I guess I can dream all I want, but can’t I imagine that Rudy Gay pulls a Salim Stoudemire and somehow lands himself at Toronto’s own second rounder pick somehow?...
Which would give the Toronto Raptors a 2006-2007 roster of?...
... ahem...
C: Nene Hilario, Chris Wilcox, Rafael Araujo
PF: Chris Bosh, Matt Bonner, Pape Sow
SF: Charlie Villanueva, Rudy Gay, Joey Graham
SG: Morris Peterson, Adam Morrison, Denham Brown
PG: Mike James, Speedy Claxton, Jose Calderon
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar
Make it happen, Babcock!...
The thing is, if Rob Babcock were still in charge? Naturally, I’d think that getting the roster up above would be nothing more than a fucking cock tease of a dream...
Yet with Bryan Colangelo now at the helm? Oh, maybe it’s just the Toronto Maple Leafs homer in me speaking, but really?... Can’t we all just logically and realistically expect or even demand now, a Toronto Raptors roster of the below for next season as well? Maybe after the trade deadline at least, or after a sign and trade of Mike James perhaps?...
Pretty please?...
... ahem...
C: Amare Stoudemire, Rafael Araujo, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Matt Bonner
SF: Shawn Marion, Rudy Gay, Denham Brown
SG: Morris Peterson, Boris Diaw, Adam Morrison
PG: Steve Nash, Speedy Claxton, Jose Calderon
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Joey Graham
Hmm... not a bad roster... but still, I’d probably expect more from Bryan Colangelo...
I mean, what else would anyone expect from the half-man, half-Mafia king, with a last name that rhymes with the goddam legendary painter of the bloody hell, Sistine Chapel?...
Then again, Michelangelo always did insist that he did suck ass at painting... or at least, his critics did...
So, in that case? Toronto Maple Leafs with a Stanley Cup, and the Toronto Raptors with a NBA Championship in 2007 then?...
... though now, this will sadly be the very last time I say this, but alas...
Rob fucking Babcock?...
Make it fucking happen...
...
Hmm... while we’re at it about TO championships, can the Toronto Blue Jays finally win two back to back World Series again? And next time, can we just fucking put the loonie coin underneath the ice of the Vancouver 2010 Olympic games, and get an actual fucking goddam win for once?...
Or even better yet, make sure that Wayne Gretzky actually bets on Team Canada winning this time around?...
Alas, this Tweakui update won’t just be the last time that I mention Rob fucking Babcock’s name here as my Toronto Raptors saviour... Because I suppose, this update will also be perhaps the very last time that I actually give a damn about my Mycrowsoft.com domain name network or some shit like that as well...
... sniff sniff...
I mean, did Wayne Gretzky bet against my domain name too? That bastard...
Either way though?... things will never be the same, I guess...
... unless I actually buy for myself a fucking $10 or $20 per year domain name or some shit like that, of course...
But until then? I guess there’s nothing really left to do, but to whine and gripe and swear at all the shitty ass Oscars winners tonight... and to wish the Smartredirect redirection service and my fucking IvanFian Mycrowsoft Network?...
... a Good Night, a Good Luck...
... a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting...
And of course?...
... a ‘God, Team Canada fucking sucks'...
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
Y2kk Update: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to democracy at its finest...
I’ve heard a hell of a lot of Bush-haters out there, all actually applauding Hamas’ electoral victory overseas in Palestine, simply because it "proves" America wrong... that democracy is not the answer to all the world’s problems...
So what the fuck kind of government do they want?... Is it communism that they crave? Eh, comrades?...
The thing is, we don’t need to look just at Palestine or any of the rigged elections down in Central and South America to realize that democracy alone is not the answer. Wasn’t Hitler basically voted into power as well, afterall?...
Let’s face it. People in general are dumbass, and the mobs are fickle. And true democracy has absolutely no chance in hell at succeeding as prescribed, as long as there really are no democratic parties to choose from...
Who the fuck were the Palestinians supposed to vote for? The corrupt Fatah party, which has ruled for God knows how many years in a row by now?... It is any wonder then, that after so long of a time of being fucked right up the asses, that the people of Palestine actually voted for a change?
I seriously doubt that all the Hamas supporters out there truly know what they voted for. I mean, they may believe in the ideologies of the Hamas party for now, but will they agree with their actions later on?...
The United States constitution foresaw this kind of dictatorship shit hitting democracy like a brick. So the forefathers of America actually built into their fucking first documents, rules that no government and no president could ever overrule (or at least, shouldn’t be able to overrule)...
Sure, the Right to Bear Arms shit is still fucking up the country. But still, there are good reasons why there’s a law limiting a guy like George Dubya Bush Jr. to a maximum of two terms in office...
Not like it really matters though. Whether the constitution forces him back into unemployment or not, I’m sure the voters will actually voice their displeasure the right way the next time the opportunity comes...
There’s pretty much a pattern for all of North American politics here. The party in power when it comes to the US pretty much changes hands after every eight years... Part of that reason is obviously because the charismatic leader of the previous regime is no longer allowed to run for office. And perhaps the other part of the reason, is simply because nobody on earth ever likes their current government in the end, especially after eight long years of fucking things up...
The eight year cycle was really lengthened up here in Canada though, as we really only had one viable party to vote for during the past twelve or something years... I mean, the Conservatives (our lesser equivalent of the Republicans) have changed their name from the Conservatives to the PC... to the Reform... to the whatever... and then finally back to the fucking Conservatives again...
And guess what? After more than twelve bloody hell years of Liberal (Democrat) rule here in Canada, the Conservatives finally came into power...
Proving once and for all, that if you really do keep on changing the name of your party enough times? And that if you confuse the voters that damn much?... that you’ll eventually win a goddam election...
Maybe the fucking NDP ought to try that trick sometime?... just a thought...
And yes, I admit it. I voted for the goddam Conservative party of Canada up here in the north...
I also admit that it was more of a family political ballot than anything else, considering my father would’ve kicked my ass and taken my name if I had voted Liberal against him for the second election in a row. Afterall, he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t believe that bringing a child into the world is a worthy enough venture, if I somehow nullify his vote at getting an extra 2% off of his goddam income taxes...
But even if I wasn’t under the spotlight from my own parents? I probably still would’ve voted for the Conservative motherfuckers, no matter how fucking robotic and demonic that Steven fucking Harper (their leader) really does seem at times...
El Diablo Robotico?... perhaps...
But still, no matter who is in charge, it was damn well time for a change...
Now, I know that our winter Canadian election just a couple of weeks ago barely even registered as a footnote compared to the foothold that Hamas now has in the world. Hell, I doubt that most Canadians out there can even remember that we had an election by this point in time, as we really have better shit to do during these hibernation months than to fucking talk about goddam useless politics...
But after so many goddam years of the Liberals in power? Sure, I didn’t mind their policies, as they were always good with tax breaks, and not so bad with dealing with the yearly surplus (if it actually existed like they claimed, mind you)... Sure, I didn’t care one damn bit about how corrupt they were, as I rather choose to shake my head at all the moron citizens here who demanded an inquiry to the $150 million sponsorship scandal, only for the fucking Gomery report that came out of it all to cost us tax-payers another fucking five hundred million dollars in the bank...
... and yet we seemed to approve... go figure...
Canada, just like any true democratic country out there, thought it was time for change and voted accordingly... though apparently not enough en masse, as we’re stuck with yet another fucking useless minority government here...
I mean, if only there had been any true viable alternatives to the fucking Fatah party in Palestine? Then maybe they wouldn’t have voted fucking terrorists into office...
And if only there had been any true viable alternatives in fucking Canada as well (the NDP party does not count... although the Sex party in BC was quite tempting, if they could ever get me a fucking freebie girl that is...)?...
... well, maybe then we wouldn’t have had to resort to Steven fucking Harper as Prime Minister...
Sure, I love the Conservative ideals for tax breaks. And hell, unlike most American whiners on the net, I actually do agree with spending more on the fucking military here in Canada (though Harper’s plans to buy more subs to patrol the pointless arctic is a fucking archaic rite in itself...)...
But what the fuck is wrong with the Conservatives when it comes to their human rights issues? I assume they’ve learned from the last election, that trying to parade around the fact that they hate gays and lesbians doesn’t exactly get them into office...
But from all their non-comments during the recent winter election? I think we all got the impression that they had something against fucking minorities like myself as well...
Ironic then, that they’d end up getting a fucking "minority" government in power...
And since the Conservatives have so many remaining religious zealots left in cabinet? I guess Tom Cruise and his fucking "Minority Report" would fit in just perfectly fine as well?...
Now, according to Belinda Stronach (who has now become perhaps the highest profile politician in Canada, simply thanks to her money... and her looks... and her supreme Lana Lang bitchiness...), she had left and betrayed the Conservative Party of Canada a year ago not for more power and not for a cabinet position, but rather because she believed that gays and lesbians deserved the right to get married... and only the Liberals were offering that kind of principle to the people...
Whether this was an actual reason of hers of not, we all know what the bitch really wanted, now don’t we?...
The sad thing is... the way that things have gone?...
... say hello to Prime Minister Belinda fucking Stronach in a couple of fucking years...
I mean, I saw her whole plan as soon as she defected to the Liberal Party of Canada. She knew that the minority government Liberals would eventually lose the next election, if only by a slight margin to the Conservatives. But just like everyone else, she knew that it would only be a matter of time until the Liberals got back into power for another fucking twelve years in a row. So really, she only had two choices...
She could either stick with the Conservatives, as fucking Peter Rodney McKay was sticking it to her in bed. And then perhaps one day become prime minister of a four year Conservative term in power, if Steven Harper finally got out of the fucking way that is...
Or she could join up with the Liberals, become the most high profile politician in the country thanks to her betrayal, and then instantly become the new leader of the Liberal Party as soon as Paul Martin is forced to step down (which he has, after his loss in this winter election)... Leading her into not only becoming the first ever fucking female Prime Minister voted into power, but also the fucking Queen bitch of Canada for the next eight or twelve goddam years in a row by default...
... and yeah... guess she cares about gay rights too or something... whatever...
Because ladies and gentlemen, this is democracy at its finest...
Hamas may have won the election over in Palestine?...
But here in Canada, where Belinda fucking Stronach will probably become our next PM in the next fucking election for the next fucking dozen years of our lives?...
... well, fuck... she has my vote...
Afterall, a vote for her is like a vote for lesbians and the Sex party of Canada, now ain’t it?...
I mean, whether it be Conservatives or the Liberals in power? Whoever wins, we always lose...
But at least by voting for a bitch like her? Well, whoever wins then?...
... at least I know that I’ll get the chance to be fucked...
...
Now onto the real reason why I’m writing this Tweakui review when I really should be doing my fucking homework... or getting to actual sleep, considering its one in the morning and I have bloody hell work tomorrow...
But yeah, it’s been a wild and ridiculous past couple of weeks in the land of the Toronto Raptors. And God, is my head ever still spinning...
... and it all started with Kobe Bryant...
... Kobe... fucking... Bryant...
Raise your hand here, if you’re one of the few people on this god-forsaken planet who still doesn’t hate Kobe Bryant for God knows what reason?... I mean, he was always an asshole before, the prima-donna of the NBA, exemplifying everything fucking wrong with the sport today...
And then I was forced to witness him drop 81 fucking points on my Toronto Raptors the other week...
Eight –one fucking points? WHAT THE FUCK?!?...
How is that even possible with today’s 24 shot clock rules and shit like that? How the fuck could the Raptors possibly let a single player on the Lakers get more points in the second half than the rest of the entire Toronto Raptors team combined? WTF?...
... oh, right... now I remember...
Coach Sam Mitchell told our players to never double team Kobe in the second half. And why? Because we would beat the Lakers as a team, as according to our coach? There was no fucking way that one man can ever beat a true fucking team...
... I guess it was no surprise then, that Sam Mitchell really didn’t have a comment to offer after Kobe scored the second highest single point total in the history of the fucking NBA...
And how many embarrassments has this been for the Toronto Raptors this season so far already? Shall we count the fucking Rose petals that have been wilting in the concrete so far?...
There was the fucking loss to Tel Aviv in the preseason, the first ever loss by an NBA team to a European squad in over ten fucking years... If Jose Calderon wasn’t shaking his head and wondering what the fuck he had gotten himself into by that point (by coming from Europe to the fucking Toronto Raptors), then I guess the fucking rest of the season was a goddam wake-up call to the rook...
We started the season 0-9. Zero wins and nine fucking losses....We then continued our streak of pure shitty ass awesomeness, by putting together an awe-inspiring 1-15 record to start the season... as if Rob fucking Babcock had instructed the team to tank as fucking hard as possible in a weak draft that had no clear cut Lebron James’ or Tim Duncan’s, or even another Chris Bosh...
Were we trying to make Pete Babcock’s previous team in Atlanta actually look good or some shit like that? WTF?...
But you know what really hurt? What really, really, ridiculous hurt like a scathing knife to the back and a fucking Mortal Kombat finisher to the heart?...
Vince Carter...
... Vince... fucking... Carter...
We had that game. We fucking had that game at home against New Jersey...
... but then fucking Vince Carter launched a desperation three at the fucking buzzer in the fourth...
... and he fucking nailed it... he fucking nailed it...
... giving him and the New Jersey Nets a fucking one point win against the fucking Toronto Raptors...
And then you know what he said? You know what the fucking asshole said?...
... ahem...
"YEAH!!! THIS IS STILL MY HOUSE!"
Fuck you, Vince Carter. Fuck you and your fucking mother to motherfucking hell...
And to add further insult to injury, it was Vince Carter of all whiny bastards who complained that Kobe Bryant’s 81-point performance against the Raptors was selfish and a piss poor example to set for the children learning the game of basketball...
And, umm, Vince?... dogging it here in Toronto, and then demanding a fucking trade from the team that made you into the superstar you are today, is somehow better than Kobe Bryant fucking the rest of his team over with the one man Kobe show? WTF?...
A bit bitter aren’t you, Wince? That you never quite got 81 fucking points in a single night at the ACC?...
... yet, fuck... I still sadly agreed with his point... damn, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that shit...
Because it was Vince fucking Carter of all people, trying to watch Toronto’s back when it came it came to the Kobe fiasco on fucking international television, who finally broke the fucking camel’s back...
... and our GM, Rob fucking Babcock, was fired as a result in a fucking press conference of all celebratory things...
Now, I think one fan’s sign on TSN said it best, that "We miss Babcock like we miss Yogi (Stewart)"...
Yogi who? Exactly... God though, I wish I could forget that asshole’s name...
But the thing is, I didn’t mind Rob Babcock. He may have had a horrible 2005, but I couldn’t really blame him for the shit he put this team into...
He drafted Rafael Araujo with the 8th pick over Al Jefferson, Jameer Nelson, and worst of all, fucking Andre Iguodala... But how can I really blame him? Richard fucking Peddie (our team’s president) had a feud going with Vince Carter at the time, hiring Babcock rather than the Dr. J that Carter publicly demanded. And not only did our own scouting staff want a legit NBA C as a draft selection, but it was also a goddam fact that Andre Iguodala was a friend of Carter’s. And of course, you put one and one together and you realize just why Rob Babcock’s options at the time were several fucking capped...
The Vince Carter trade was a debacle, namely that we got two shit players to sit on our bench for a year, and we fucking paid Alonzo Mourning ten million dollars to be the top shot blocker in the whole fucking league on Miami... But considering we did get two decent draft picks out of the exchange, and that the second best known offer included the SAR curse of Shareef Abdur Rahim and just one single draft pick, can I really blame Babcock for pulling the trigger on such a horrible deal? Richard Peddie high in the office was fucking fed up with the whole Vince Carter media circus, and demanded a trade as soon as possible. Babcock really had no choice but to comply...
I will never forgive Babcock for refusing to trade Donyell Marshall for even a couple of second round draft picks at last year’s trade deadline. But considering the top offer that we are certain he received included Cleveland’s shit droppings of Wagner and Diop, I can sort of understand Babcock’s dilemma... No-one last year would’ve predicted that Diop the flop would be starting as a centre for the Mavericks this year. And really, after the Vince Carter fiasco that Richard Peddie had forced Babcock into? Rob had become the laughing stock of the league. Who the fuck would actually give a fair offer to the man who traded away Vince Carter in exchange for paying Alonzo $10 million to go play for Miami?...
I’ll give credit where credit is due, namely that Rob Babcock has done an amazing job in his second year as GM of the Toronto Raptors. He picked the second best player in the draft in Charlie Villanueva (which nobody, myself included, ever saw coming), came out just as strong with Joey Graham (though I still kinda wish we got Danny Hermione Granger...) and two second round draft picks later on, fleeced Houston with the Rafer Alston and Mike James trade, and reportedly started up a lot of talks with teams such as New York and New Orleans for potential player swaps...
... but I guess it was only inevitable then, that Rob Babcock would eventually ironically schedule his own fucking firing...
It’s been rumoured in the New York newspapers for God knows how long, that the Knicks were going to trade Penny Hardaway or another expiring contract to Toronto for Jalen Rose and a first round draft pick... I refused to believe this rumour though, as an expiring contract is never worth giving up a first round draft pick. A second rounder perhaps, but even those I knew Rob Babcock could mine into gold with choices like Roko Ukic and Pape Sow...
... and alas, Babcock’s obsession with draft picks was eventually his undoing...
Let’s get one thing straight – the great trade of Aaron Williams to New Orleans for two second round draft picks may have been made by Embry, but was really rumoured to be a Babcock deal for months. It was only recently that the Birdman over on the Hornets apparently flew too high and got busted on drugs, leaving a gaping hole at PF on a playoff-bound team... and Embry was simply there to reap the seeds that Babcock had Pape sowed...
But the Antonio Davis trade that happened on Friday was absolutely the reason, with no real doubt in my mind, why Rob Babcock was fired (although the fucking 81-point fiasco in LA was definitely another embarrassment on his fucking resume...)... Rob Babcock refused to budge on even the mere notion of ever giving up a first rounder for the cap space of Penny Hardaway or Antonio Davis, and rightly so. Or at the very least, he was waiting until the trade deadline in the hopes that Isiah Thomas would eventually get desperate, and a straight swap would be made...
But Richard Peddie demanded a trade... he always demands fucking trades to save his own hide...
Losing is unacceptable. MLSE simply has no patience. And fucking Richard Peddie wanted to keep his motherfucking job...
... so he did what he always does... he fires his fucking lackeys...
And then of course, what else happened? As soon as Embry was given the green light, the rumoured trade with New York went down... and the Toronto Raptors officially became the first team ever to be fleeced by fucking Isiah Thomas...
... if that ain’t a fucking black mark on the franchise, I don’t know what is...
Why the fuck did we give up a first round draft pick to New York for a fucking expiring contract? WTF?... I know that the Denver pick is currently in the 20’s, but they were riding a hot streak for a very long time. Hasn’t anyone else noticed that not only is Denver free-falling currently (with something like a five game losing streak), but that Utah will soon pass them as leaders of their division? For all we know, the Denver pick can drop to the lottery (or at least the decent 15-20 range), giving us another Charlie Villanueva or at least a way to trade up in the draft...
... but with that said?...
Fuck, if only to be given the chance to go to a Raptors game, and throw fucking metric rulers at Antonio Davis?...
... then this trade may be the fucking best trade that the Raptors have ever done to date...
Seriously, I have laughed so damn hard at Antonio Davis’ misfortune in the past couple of days, harder than I think I’ve ever laughed in the entire past year combined... How the fuck can I possibly not get my jollies and shits and giggles in, by imaging Antonio Davis getting his height bellowed out over the Raptors speakers in metres, or his jersey number somehow being converted to fucking kilograms?...
And oh, he must be loving the cold weather again... where 0C is the norm...
... or in Fahrenheit, just for you, Davis?... it’s 32 F-U...
What kind of lame ass excuse was that of his, that he didn’t want his children to grow up learning the metric system? As if earning $12 million a year from the Raptors wasn’t worth putting his kids through the torture of learning kilometres? WTF?...
Oh, how I will ever enjoy seeing the asshole writhe in agony on the bench...
NEXT MOVE: GET BACK FUCKING VINCE CARTER.
But of course, I seriously doubt Antonio Davis will ever play for the Toronto Raptors again. Sure, he’ll report to the team, and ride our bench to the sound of tossed rulers and tomatoes... But this was a pure financial decision on fucking Richard Peddie’s part, saving $17 million on Jalen Rose’s contract next year, and I still don’t want anything to fucking do with this trade as a result...
I mean really, except to save Peddie’s own fucking ass and corporate dividends (which is all MLSE ever cares about), what the fuck is the point of cap space this year? There are almost zero free agents that are even remotely worth considering with just $10 million in 2006 (as Ben Wallace will not leave Detroit), when Rob Babcock was planning to have $20 million in cap space for 2007 when all the great free agents will be available and unrestricted on the market (Paul Pierce, Richard Lewis, Antawn Jamison, Jamal Magloire... and yes, even Vince fucking Carter...)...
But still, whether Rob Babcock be at the helm or not, I am still a Raptors fan at heart...
Meaning what? Meaning... here come the homerism trades...
Antonio Davis wants to go back to Chicago, right? Problem is, he can’t be traded back to his old team within the year that he left it... We can buy-out Davis and release him on waivers for Chicago to sign for the veteran’s min. Sure, the fans here in TO will loathe MLSE for another Alonzo Mourning situation, but at least we won’t have to pay the fucker over the course of two more years (unlike in the ‘Zo situation)...
The thing is, I would rather force the motherfucker to ride on the pine of the bench all season long in a city that hates him, then just give him up for free to Chicago... So obviously, if and only if Chicago is willing to do us a favour in a trade? Then I’d be willing to bite the buy-out bullet, and let the asshole, pussy-whipped sucker back into the free market seas...
So how ‘bout this homerism of a trade?...
The Toronto Raptors give up Mike James, Rafael Araujo, Eric Williams, Antonio Davis (through waivers), the two second round draft picks from the Aaron Williams trade, and perhaps even cash considerations, to the Chicago Bulls for Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, and filler?...
Sure, the Bulls would never go for such a thing, even though Mike James and Antonio Davis would secure them a playoff spot, and they’d have a big project centre back again in Araujo like they traded away in Curry (Bulls sure love those trade-a-boat-for-a-potential-boat sort of deals...)... But hey, I’m a Toronto Raptors fan, so I’m just gonna assume that we can fleece every other fucking team as badly as we did in the Mike James one (though I do think the two second rounders kinda even out this trade a bit... or not...)...
And in the free agent market? Well, also included in the above trade, I guess Toronto can guarantee Chicago that we will not go for Peja Stojakovic in the free agent market (and the above trade also makes it possible for the free agent Serbian to go to the city that he wants to)... besides, I don’t think we’d want to pay $10 million for just a rich man’s Matt Bonner in the end...
What do I suggest? Well... We should go for Joel Przybilla for $7 million (though Portland would definitely match), Nene Hilario for $8 million (he might bite as long as we secure him for five years, considering his injury this entire season), and then resign Mike James (since I’ve gotten to like him) for hopefully less the MLE... leaving us a bit of room for a decent European prospect in the end, I can only hope...
Then just assume that the Toronto Raptors, even with just one first round draft pick?...
... just magically are able to draft both Adam Morrison and Rudy Gay this year...
... and then what do you have?...
... ahem...
Voila! I give you the Toronto Raptors roster of 2006-2007...
C: Joel Przybilla, Nene Hilario, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Matt Bonner
SF: Luol Deng, Rudy Gay, Joey Graham
SG: Morris Peterson, Ben Gordan, Adam Morrison
PG: Mike James, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic
Yeah, I think I can live with that...
But just one more thing...
... fire Richard Peddie...
FIRE. RICHARD. PEDDIE.
Rob Babcock, make it happen!...
... and no, being fired is no fucking excuse...
BABCOCK, MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
FOR GOD’S SAKE, MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
DO IT.
DO IT.
JUST FUCKING DO IT.
JUST SEX PARTY OF CANADA DO IT.
And then maybe, just maybe?...
... maybe then, the Antonio Davis trade will actually be all worth it...
... well... only if we get Vince Carter back too...
... and throw goddam Jetsgo tickets at his sorry ass or some shit like that...
...
Well, a first round draft pick and the Jalen Rose quote machine, for hopefully Joel Przybilla and Nene Hilario in the end?...
It’ll be like a fine rose growing from the concrete, if such a gift were ever to bloom...
And as much as I hated those two deported guys? Yes, I do think I will miss Jalen Rose and Rob Babcock in the end...
Well, about as much as I miss Yogi, at least...
... or as much as I now miss the Liberal Party of Canada...
... until Belinda Stronach makes the country as fucking "liberal" as possible, that is...
And, well... so?...
Rob Babcock for Prime Minister then?...
Well, he’d sadly have my vote, considering the competition...
... as once again, a minority government was voted into power...
Which means what?... which means, yet another fucking election...
Next year in Jerusalem, I always say...
... unless Hamas has their way...
Because ladies and gentlemen, welcome to democracy...
Saturday, December 31st, 2005
Y2kk Update: Well, it’s the end of 2005...
Finally, it’s the fucking end of 2005...
And to be honest? I still don’t really know what that exactly fucking means for me...
Every single year, instead of going out for New Year’s Eve, I stick around at home... and write my fucking Y2kk Updates, for really no reason but the fact that I really have no-one special to spend this day with...
And if there’s one thing that I’m worried about in 2006?...
... no, it’s not about whether I ever find love...
... and no, it’s not about whether I ever find that goddam dream job I’ve always wanted...
But goddam fucking rather, it’s about whether or not I will even have the goddam drive to continue writing and blogging and admitting shit like this and that on this goddam, fucking website of mine...
When I started this whole gig, when I started this Tweakui website, I was in my mid to late teens. At that age, every single one of us wishes that we were special. That’s when every single one of us wishes that we could be known, and that we could be famous... That’s the kind of age, where we dream that one day, our fucking websites will be fucking huge and our names will be synonymous with success for fucking eons to come...
... or synonymous with fucking sex to cum, at least...
And I have had neither... none and nada, sadly to be honest...
It’s been six damn years now, and what do I have to show for any of my crap that I’ve written? I’m still the same old nerd, the same old geek, with the same ol’ penchant for not even having a fucking girlfriend to spend New Year’s Eve with...
I mean, six years ago I knew that I was both pathetic and pathetically shy. But did I really think that I’d still be alone during my last fucking year of university? Did I really believe that I would become a fucking 23-year old virgin, even after going through four years of the goddam institution filled with the fucking easiest pussy I’d ever find in my life? I don’t think so...
Now, there’s currently a lot of studies of students going around, claiming that web blogs and shit like that are the in-thing for even the in-crowd to do these days when you’re in your late teens or early roaring 20’s. And hell, if you need proof, just take one damn look at any fucking shit Livejournal page, or even google up the "Saugeen Stripper" incident that happened at Western University here in my province of Ontario...
Though as a soon-to-be University of Toronto alumni? I just prefer to call it the "Western University Sucks Fucking Stripper Dick" incident...
... has a much better ring to it, afterall...
Fuck, that girl wasn’t even hot... and yet she still managed to get her fifteen minutes of fame, just by doing exactly what any fucking university ho fo sho would do for free, let alone for freedom... WTF?...
The thing is though, that kind of publicity and that fucking kind of nudity (both physical and emotional) will definitely come back to haunt her in the years to come... I mean seriously, don’t the girls who suck each other’s nipples on camera for Girls Gone Wild ever look back at their tapes five years later when they’re all in their business skirts and suits, worried that their fucking new boss will buy one of those ol’ Spring Break tapes and see their fucking tongue licking someone else’s unshaven ass?...
... well, I sure as hell do, at least...
Web blogs have become the truly in-thing for high school and university students galore across the globe, simply because we all wear our emotions on our sleeves and never really think about the consequences of our actions... All we think about is sharing our shit with our friends, as if the internet was personal between just the few of us or some shit like that. Yet at the same time, we post and post and fucking post more to the globe, with the fucking hope and inner dream that maybe, just maybe, some secret admirer halfway across the continent will read our shit and turn us into a bonafide star...
Unfortunately, this kind of mentality eventually shifts when you fucking get a job, find a love that could potentially be for life, and start a fucking family or some shit like that. Studies have shown that by the mid or late 20’s, web bloggers simply abandon their websites out of fear that what they write will come back to bite them in the ass some day...
It’s just like sharing salaries, really. In fourth year, every fucking student is telling each other exactly what job they just got and how much they’re going to earn. Flash forward just a couple years later, and suddenly everyone’s exact occupation and goddam income number is considered fucking private information, and you’re given fucking deadly stares for even mentioning the latter. WTF?...
We are what we do. We are where we work. We are what we wear. And we are the money we make... Sounds callous and crude, I know. I may hate the principle, but that is how the fucking world works... And that is what defines us as a person, both to others and sadly to own selves as well. Whether you’re rich and wearing Armani, or poor and lovin’ your welfare checks, you are who you are. What else could confidence and self-esteem possibly be?...
That’s just the way it is, and I’m starting to feel exactly why... I mean, sure I’ve always had the fear that one of the girls I’ve fallen for in my life would eventually read my MSN site, or that some of my friends that I’ve whined about would eventually find my download rant with cheese about their shit. But friendships and fucking puppy-dog crushes can easily be discarded in life, even if we hate to believe at the time that either are disposable...
The fact of the matter is though, that now that I’ve gotten older? I’d like to think that I’ve just gotten wiser, but the wise-man deep within me knows that compared to before, I simply now have more to lose... and the more you have to lose, the more fear of losing you have...
I mean seriously, what the fuck would my bosses think if they ever started reading my download site? What the fuck would my colleagues begin to believe if they ever realized just how much I bashed them over my job interview before they hired me in the fucking first place?... Hell, I’ve never even used a swear word once in the office so far. WTF would they think if they saw me fucking all over the place in this Y2kk Update of mine?...
Unlike many bloggers around my own age, I refuse to censor myself. I swore long ago that whatever I wrote and placed online would stay online, no matter how damning or damaging... Was I simply dreaming of a better world back then, one where I actually have the guts and glory and the fucking hot pussy to eat out of for fucking self-actualization? Perhaps...
But I still haven’t censored a single one of Tweakui, download, MSN, or noname updates yet to this very day... Perhaps that alone is something to be proud of...
It’s true though that over the past year, that in 2005? I haven’t been completely honest with what I’ve revealed and written in the first place on my websites... While anything I do write has never been altered or changed or censored, 2005 was seriously the first ever year where I chose not to write an update that I wanted to, out of fear that it would be eventually read...
2005 was the first year where I got a real job. And like I stated before, I’m ashamed and quite frankly nervous about a bunch of shit that I wrote about my colleagues and employees when I thought the job would only be for summer... Eventually I was extended all the way to the March of 2006, and hopefully with luck I’ll be given full time status after that...
Which means what? Which means... to make sure my career path remains intact? There are just certain things that I cannot kiss and tell, or simply things that I will refuse to admit, out of fear that it will come back to bite me in the ass someday... And I dunno, but it just feels horrible that I can no longer truly be honest with myself, and with those two damn readers who still occasionally frequent this website or whatever...
Back in high school, I was angsty and fucking inadequate-feeling as hell. And while obviously, not many things have changed for me since then, I have sadly had to "grow up" so to speak, to fit into the fucking real world...
Now sure, I really have always hated the aforementioned term and the fucking word "mature", since adults and adultery and the fucking politics of 21st century society are about the most immature things I could ever possibly conceive of in my fucking life... But in order to live life the way that society deems we should live life? I guess I do have to follow the rules laid out before me...
... the unspoken rules of fucking Shrinkage, that is...
And if I don’t? Well...
... then 2006 really will be the year of disaster and ruin for me...
... not like that’s anything new for the world, mind you...
...
Looking back at 2005 from a global perspective, it’s obvious that this was the year of natural fucking disasters...
... although I prefer to call it the year that Mother Nature simply kicked our asses and took our names with a goddam bitchy vengeance...
The Indonesian Tsunami was just unbelievably tragic, and is still affecting thousands of people to this day. It still boggles the mind just how many goddam people died from a situation that could’ve been blunted by just a goddam warning system put into place... One year later, and the world is still feeling the ill effects of the tidal wave. And to think, it was only the first bloody hell Mother Nature massacre of the fucking year to come...
I never did like how the rest of the world ignored Hurricane Katrina, simply because it hit America instead of a country that the rest of the nations didn’t hate. But there’s simply no denying that in recent history, the complete destruction and devastation of a modern city from goddam flooding is definitely a chapter in the Bible worth paying attention to...
It still amazes me just how apathetic the world can seem to such a situation, even after hundreds and thousands of people had died in the disaster. Then again, how can I really blame the world, when even Americans were bitching at each other over racism and shit like that while more and more went homeless over the flooded nights in New Orleans?...
When it came to my own friends at university though, it was the earthquake in Pakistan that’s probably the most painful on their minds. They all still have family and friends left in the rubble, and I can’t even begin to imagine how the survivors over there will cope with the harsh winters that have come to the affected areas...
Part of me wishes that the nation itself had simply been more prepared, that Pakistan should’ve done better than to finally get to the refugees weeks after their homes were leveled to the ground. Then again, if Indonesia was too damn cheap for a tsunami warning system, and even America couldn’t airlift supplies to their own goddam people in time, what hope would there be for Pakistan?...
... what hope is there really, for what calamities will befall us in fucking 2006?...
...
Meanwhile here in Canada, all we seem to give two shits about still is the goddam Bird Flu. Sure, that could become the next big viral plague or some shit like that, but we haven’t even had a single damn death from it so far this year in the country...
Now, I’m all for spending money to prepare for the inevitable shitstorm plague that will make the Spanish Flu of 1918 and the Polio outbreaks of the 50’s look like the fucking harmless chicken pox in the goddam end. But in the meantime, by using all our resources on just one virus that just might be the next plague, we’re forgetting about everything else fucking happening around the world and even in our own goddam country...
I mean seriously, as Indonesia, Pakistan, and even fucking France recover from their own respective, goddam disasters (well, that’s nothing new for France... they’ve always been their worst and only real enemy, afterall...)? We Canadians are still bitching about politics... goddam, fucking politics...
Unless you’re one of those select few historians who actually give a damn about what happens here in Canada, or unless you’re one of those Americans who actually do live under a rock in Arkansas? Then I’m sure you’re in the dark about what’s happening here in my country, and I should probably reveal to you guys that we Canadians have had a minority Federal government here for over a goddam year by now...
The fucking useless government in power has only been able to hold together in office this damn long thanks to our middle-Liberal party making too many goddam concessions to the Green-Peace lovin’ NDP... But like I called that it would a long time ago, the NDP soon grew too arrogant with their own lust for power, and ousted our goddam Liberal government from the goddam throne...
... forcing us Canadians into a goddam winter election that nobody fucking wants or cares about, might I add...
In all fairness, this is just shit for us voters, really. The shit has hit the fan, simply because at negative Celsius temperatures, we have no need for fucking ceiling fans or fucking politics, really... We’re going to have to go the polling stations in late January, probably to vote back in yet another useless minority government that will be ousted yet again two or less years from now. So really, what the fuck is the point?...
While Americans may hate the fact that Bush has total control over the US, even if he barely won the election results at all, at least his government has the power to actually get things done. But seriously, what the fuck can the Canadian House of Commons do with a minority government? Bitch and complain, waste tax payers’ money on more sponsorship scandals, and then spend even more money on a new fucking election every goddam year? WTF?...
When it comes to us Ontarians, there’s definitely one issue that’s coming to the forefront. And to be honest, it’s definitely not one that I really expected to seriously consider in my own goddam lifetime here in Canada...
Across Canada at least, murder by gun violence has decreased to almost all time lows in the past generation. So why is it then, that my own goddam city of Toronto happens to be such a goddam fucking anomaly, and such a goddam hot spot of tragic activity for goddam gang warfare and gun-related violence?...
It made headlines across the internet news of the world the other day really, how an innocent Toronto high school girl was shot dead outside of Eaton’s Centre on Boxing Day... She was simply there with her parents to shop at the goddam mall in downtown Toronto, when in fucking broad daylight, drug-dealing and gun-totting gangs started shooting at each other across the street... And sadly? This wasn’t an isolated incident in Toronto this year...
How many deaths from gunfire have happened in 2005 in just Toronto? Fifty by now, almost a third of the entire national number?... Here in Canada, like I said below, gun violence is technically at an all-time low. And yet here in Toronto, the only fucking city that matters (... Ottawa and Montreal by the way, you suck...), we’ve become fucking Detroit? Here we have had so many killings in the North York and Scarborough suburbs this year, that at times I almost feel like I’m fucking living in goddam America...
Why are all these gang wars suddenly starting this year? I don’t know. It’s not like I can pretend to know what’s going on in the drug related scenes, considering I’m too fucking wussy to even suck down wine to get a chick, let alone do E to fuck some bitch right up the fucking ass at night...
But shootings on Boxing Day, in fucking broad daylight? Are these motherfuckers stoned or something? Did they just want to die or get caught by the police, or were they just fucking too damn dumb to know the true meaning of "shop ‘till you drop"?...
Seriously, I have no real solution to the new gun violence situation here in Toronto. All I do know, is that a hell of a lot of votes for this coming Federal election will be based on the fucking new measures to curb this goddam gun violence... Whether those new measures will be half-assed or even decent in theory, I don’t know. But does it really matter? The voting mob here is so fucking fickle...
... and the media here will eat it fucking up and tear the country apart, just to make a headline...
Just take one damn gander at our goddam sports section if you want further proof...
...
Like I said, it’s almost like we’re living in Detroit true crime, fucking fear here...
... too bad we can’t have the success of their fucking sports teams too, goddammit...
Before all this gang warfare started, and before the fucking minority government fell for a goddam winter election? There was really only one thing that Ontarians talked about... and it wasn’t about the fucking natural disasters of 2005 either...
All I ever heard about up here in fucking Canada?...
... was the goddam NHL hockey lockout...
... from Eh to Zed, no doot aboot it really...
Now that hockey is finally back, I oddly find myself kind of apathetic to it. I mean, maybe it’s just because an entire year of the fucking sport was lost to goddam millionaires bitching about billionaires (just like I lost interest after the MLB and NBA strikes as well), but really?... Even half a year after the new NHL started, while I do watch pretty much every Leafs game, I just don’t seem to care about it much. Not to the degree that I fucking love my fucking Toronto Raptors, that is...
It fucking annoyed me to hell during the NHL fucking lockout, how the sports channels here would still somehow manage to show three times more hockey footage a day than fucking basketball coverage... And now that the Toronto Maple Leafs are holding their own in the fucking Eastern Conference? Or even when there seemed to be no fucking hope for our fucking injury-plagued, Salary-Cap-fucked NHL team? There was still ten times more fucking hockey footage than I ever saw for the goddam Toronto Raptors...
I don’t know why I love basketball so damn much. Maybe it’s because it was the only sport I was ever decent enough at while playing? Or maybe it’s because my fucking ADD attention span needs a constant barrage of yelling at my television, or a goddam banshee of screaming at complete team ineptness to stay entertained?...
... or maybe I’m just a fucking glutton for punishment?... afterall, I have watched every fucking Toronto Raptors televised game in their entirety this whole fucking season so far...
Yes, even the fucking Golden State games... both of them...
I was even jumping for joy when we got our first ever one-game winning streak against Miami...
God, that hurt my brain...
Either way though? Even I have to admit that I cared more about the state of my fucking beloved Raptors than I ever managed to be concerned for the people of Indonesia, the survivors in Pakistan, or even the fucking moronic Frenchies who were tearing themselves apart over in France... I don’t know why, but Toronto sports just bring out the only real emotion in me. I mean, considering I’ve never had a girlfriend, and considering I’ve never even been kissed? Then is it no wonder that watching the Raptors win or lose is really the only time I ever really feel alive?...
I mean seriously, watching the Raptors come back against the fucking Indian Pacers last night, after being down by as much as sixteen candles in the fucking third quarter? Fucking priceless...
Oh really?...
Oh fucking yes...
<cue Sam Mitchell fist pump>
This must be what sex feels like...
... or... not?...
I’m confused...
... but still... it’s sadly the closest I’ve ever goddam gotten to pure happiness in a very long, fucking time...
The Raptors being 7-7 and 50% for the month of December, after only getting one fucking win in all of November, was the closest I’ve ever fucking gotten to pure happiness in a very long, fucking time... Sad, ain’t it?...
Because to be honest? My Tweakui updates over the past half year have all become just an excuse for me simply to rant and whine about NBA Basketball whenever I feel to urge to fucking tear apart my Raptors... Seriously, I think I’ve only really come up with reasons to write on this website of mine, simply to post homerism trades that I simply wished that the Raptors could fucking take advantage of...
Hell, just to brilliantly cap off the salary cap year of 2005? Here’s one more out-of-the-Jessica-Alba-blue, fucking big-homerism-Aristotle sort of trade for my fucking Toronto Raptors...
First, Jalen Rose and Loren Woods to New York Knicks, for Penny Hardaway and Nate Robinson...
Then Mike James and Rafael Araujo to Chicago somehow, for Luol Deng and Ben Gordon...
... and then somehow the rest of our fucking garbage and a bag of chips, to Milwaukee for Jamal Magloire and TJ Ford...
Raptors then draft Rudy Gay, Tiago Splitter, and Denham Brown with our 2006 draft picks, and then what do we have for the 2006-2007 season?....
... well... ahem...
C: Jamal Magloire, Tiago Splitter, Pape Sow
PF: Chris Bosh, Charlie Villanueva, Matt Bonner
SF: Luol Deng, Rudy Gay, Joey Graham
SG: Morris Peterson, Ben Gordan, Denham Brown
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Nate Robinson
Development: Roko Ukic, Uros Slokar, Anthony Parker
Now that’s a team worth watching next year... and definitely one worth writing home about...
Rob Babcock, make it fucking happen!
DO IT.
DRAGONS.
DO IT.
Just think of it as a fucking New Year’s Resolution...
... or a clause in your contract before getting fired, really...
I mean, why not? That was also my fucking wish to Santa Claus, afterall...
... a fucking three-peat of NBA championship for the fucking Toronto Raptors...
It really can’t be that damn hard to achieve, now can it be?...
C’mon, just one fucking miracle on Yonge Street already...
... then again?... well...
...
If 2005 was the year of disasters and of Mother Nature shitting all over our balls, then perhaps 2006 could really be the year of miracles then instead?...
It’s definitely the year that makes or breaks whether I continue writing on my goddam websites any longer... I mean, I sincerely doubt that I’d ever really give up my love and pursuit of happiness in writing. But all my original motives for keeping up the gig in the first place have entirely vanished, so what will really become of the shit that I write?...
Six fucking years ago, I was hoping that my 900 hits a day could become 90000 or even fucking higher... and yet now, I find that I often visit my own websites more often than my fucking counter ever goes up for anyone else...
Six fucking years ago, I had dreams and grandeur visions that my writing could become popular and famous enough that a newspaper or a fucking editor would eventually ask me to write some shit for them in the very manner that I prefer to write... Of course, I’ve always been a sarcastic, shitastic writer at best, as I can even barely read my own crap from just two years ago without bailing and balling out at just how damn pathetic my sentence structure may be. But I can still dare to dream, now can’t I?...
Six fucking years ago, I envisioned that I would eventually find love, find a great job as an entrepreneur, and still somehow find the fucking balls and the fucking freedom to fucking write exactly how I felt on my goddam websites for everyone to endear...
... but I never did find love...
... (probably because I’m still ugly as fuck, with no goddam personality whatsoever)...
... and I never did become the huge fucking success in the labour force that I was praying I would eventually become...
... (probably because I’m lazy as fuck, and was lucky enough to secure a stable job by fucking my way through the interview process... so much for finding the time to start my own fucking Google then...)...
And sigh... I now find that I just don’t have the balls, or the freedom, or the fucking will to write exactly how I feel or want to feel on my goddam websites any longer...
I may continue to write, but really with no soul. What’s the fucking point then?...
... 2006 will therefore become the year where I find out what I’m truly made of, and perhaps who I really am...
And wasn’t that really the goal of my websites in the first place though? I dunno...
All I do know, is that I think we’re all hoping that next year will be a hell of a lot more safe and a hell of lot more stable than 2005 ever fucking was...
Here’s hoping that Mother Nature doesn’t fuck us all over the ass once more...
... here’s hoping I get to fuck a hot motherfucking bitch who comes all over the floor...
And with that? As always, right on cue, I just can’t help but wish you all galore...
... a goddam Happy New Year, nevermore...
... and a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and of course, a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Saturday, September 28th, 2002
Y2kk Update: Well, I'm spent, with my hands feeling soiled after spending more than a fair share of hours turning bread into butter, and wine into, um... more butter, so to speak... And oh, nevermind. I never manage to get my metaphors and smiley similes to work out properly anymore. I'm just lucky that I managed to get my brother's DVD-ROM working a few hours ago, all thanks to a very old friend of mine. You see, my brother bought the Pioneer 16x about a month ago so he wouldn't be reduced to watching pathetic VHS tapes at his university suite. The only problem was, he was still reduced to watching pathethic VHS tapes, simply because his PentiumII 266MHz and its Matrox G200 card were simply unable to run a single DVD movie at more than 10 bloody frames per second... And since I've always been the frames per second kind of guy, I was determined to get PowerDVD working at all costs, even at the cost of my own wallet...
So because I had absolutely no personal use for it anymore, I gave his computer my blessed be, S3 Savage 4, a card so ouvertly obscure, that even the videophiles in my computer engineering class still haven't heard of it to this day... and they dare call themselves hardcore computer gamers, but I digress... Anyhew, short story short, I was shocked as hell as anybody when my useless Savage card, the one that can't even run NHL 2000 properly on my Duron 1GHz, was able to run DVD movies at nearly 60 fps. Sure, there was the occasional milli-second jump in framework, but it's true when I say the S3 had rekindled and regained my brother's moviephile secular existence in just a matter of mere minutes... and now he's taking all my DVDs with him to university, even the ones I plead with him not to, but that's besides the point. Because lo and behold, at least I can finally feel smug that my $150 Savage4 card actually does something right... and what, it only took me about three years to find it? Will the wonders of the world ever cease?
And God, if only I was able to build those wonders of the world, maybe I wouldn't have been slaughtered so badly the other day at school... You see, the newest novelty for me at the University of Toronto is the network Civilzation game installed on every computer. And what really sucks the Big City apple, is that after three games against friends and the not so friendly, I have officially concluded that I suck, what? I suck, what? Hell, my only strength in the game is typing in messages, telling the enemy where I am, so they can wipe me out and put me out of my goddam misery...
So just because I had nothing better to do on yesterday (except study for my tests this week, but that's besides the point), I downloaded Free Civilization for myself, just to experiment with the game mechanics... And you know what? You know bloody what? In my first game against the "easy" computer, they were killing me with Howitzer tanks by the time I had just researched bloody hell horseback riding. And God, sure my little archers managed to beat back the enemy aircraft carriers for a couple centuries or so, but it really stung when they started launching cruise missiles at me in the 17th century... And you know why I sucked? Besides the fact that I just suck at every computer game that is... It's because my friends told me that researching new governments was useless, yet I figured out by watching the computer on Friday, that if you don't upgrade to a Monarchy or Communism right away, your tech development slows to a Cro-Magnon halt. And, well... what? My friends and not so friendly couldn't have told me that just a little bit sooner? Because God, if I didn't know better, I'd swear that were actually setting me up for a can of ass whooping, entrenching my folds in the art of trench warfare every single life wrenching game, but that's besides the point... Because I'll get them back someday. I may sound like a cliche cartoon villain right now, but it's true. I shall have my revenge, and show them the very bread and butter that I'm made of, although that doesn't exactly sound too good...
Well, anyhew, enough with the senseless, endless, pitiful whining and, um, buttery emancipation, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... Let's just cut right into the bread and, um, more butter of the story of the week, that my Mycrowsoft.com redirection services have been down for the past two weeks or so. As far as I know though, as of today, the servers are finally working again, although there's not really any point anymore, considering my hits for this site have reached a stunning peak of less than ten hits... If I can bitterly recall properly, the last time my Mycrowsoft.com servers inexplicably shut down without warning, my hits dropped from 200 a day to a bloody hell 50 a day over the course of just a couple of weeks. And now? And now? It looks like my hits have been cut into a quarter pounder yet again while factoring in the Subway diet, because nobody, and I mean nobody is buffering and bothering to visit my noname sites anymore... just great... just dandilion, God-awful Mandolin great... I'm officially the Neil bore of the internet. Welcome to the web.
Anyhew, because none of Mycrowsoft.com sites were working for about a week, I decided to procrastinate from homework for quite a while by setting up a backup redirection server at Ulimit.com. It's a French company, and although they still might go out of business just like so many American sites have from the dotcom crash, I've got my fingers and feet doubly linked list crossed that my new Com02.com redirection will serve as an auxiliary address when push comes to Great Depression shove... Anyhew, for those of you who actually care, here's a semi-evil list of my new internet redirection addresses:
http://ivanf.com02.com = http://tweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanftweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfnoname.com02.com =
http://noname.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfdownload.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfmsn.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfoffice.com02.com = http://office.com02.com = http://office.mycrowsoft.com
http://support.com02.com = http://ivanfsupport.com02.com =
http://support.mycrowsoft.com
http://flame.com02.com = http://ivanfflame.com02.com =
http://flame.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfarchive.com02.com =
http://archives.mycrowsoft.com
http://development.com02.com = http://ivanfdevelopment.com02.com =
http://development.mycrowsoft.com
http://cows.com02.com = http://ivanfcows.com02.com =
http://cows.mycrowsoft.com
I doubt anybody will remember them, considering my download site is reaching critical hit lows each day, my noname site has yet to get even one microparsec of recognition, and my msn site has never exceeded the mark of five visitors a day... But sadly and strangely enough, a bunch of people now seem to remember me in the computer labs, simply because of one dandy trait of mine: I tend to walk around a lot, roam about, and simply pace back and forth, as if I was some important person, with something important to do... Now, any Y2kk reader will know the exact opposite is true. Afterall, I have literally nothing better to do in my life than rant and whine on this website of wine and, um, more butter, so help me God... But you see, since nobody ever reads this website, nobody at my school realizes know how much of a no-name loser I truly am. And strangely enough, that's why people actually seem to notice and remember my face... in fact, a least five people in the past week have asked me about that big black smerch on my face. Nobody's ever asked me about this bruise if a birthmark since Grade 9, when students were alerting the authorities that at home I beat myself up...
The thing is, I pace around the computer labs a lot, and I especially paced a hell of a lot this week after I finished my computer assignment early Monday. The thing was, since I was walking around, trying to help my friends before the deadline, it seemed like everyone else in the lab was taking notice how I was the only one in the room with the decency to help someone else out... You might ask where the TAs were, considering this was our lab session. And, well, leave it to U of T to pay a bunch of graduate students to leave their classes unattended and leave an idiot monger like me in unofficial charge... And to be honest, it was quite a funny sight. As I walked from friend to friend, there would always be a person inbetween who would cut me off, ask if I was the TA, and even when I would reply no, they would still jar-jar and beg me for hours and oodles of help... Most of the time, the questions were basic. A couple inquiries were about Java from the course I took last year, I had to give my own little tutorial on how to print in Linux a half a dozen times or so, and I especially admired the amicable guy, who even after I laughed in his face when he asked if I was the TA, still felt obliged to force upon me the big O question: where oh where, has the stapler gone?... and wow, that sounds good. That sounds wily. I feel so important...
But my favourite of the favourites has just got to be that one guy, that one first year guy who spotted me helping out one of my friends from across the room, and slowly began to raise his hand, imperial inch by inch, standard centimetre by centimetre, when he finally saw me lift my head up... Delighted that somebody out there had to decency to not tug at my hair for attention, I screamed out with a smile, "I'm not the TA!", and realizing that the dozen of so people that I've already helped didn't give a damn whether I was the TA or not, I just said screw that, I'm going to help this guy anyhew, and marched on over across the room, just to give him a tutorial on how to submit his project... Short story short, by the end of the week, I was used to be being asked for assistance from pretty much every able body out there, although that's still no excuse for standing up a certain friend of mine, but that's besides the powerpoint. And to be honest, when I first walked into university last year, the only thing that was on my mind was how I really wanted to be a TA sometime. Because I could never be a professor, since I barely had enough smarts to pass my first year. And yet the likelihood of becoming a TA is also as high as the Hood sinking the Bismarck, simply because unless I find some friends in high places, I need at least a B average in school just to sit idle in a tutorial classroom, like a screen saver on crack... or worse yet, butter...
But still, I've always had the innate desire to rant my ass off to anybody who demotes themselves to having to raise their hand. Basically, I want to be a TA just to deservingly lecture my students with God-awful Y2kk Updates, and watch them fraudily applaud at the end... just like how so many professors use their jobs to promote their books and papers, I guess I want to be a TA just to promote these sites... And to be even more honest, I did feel a certain element of power after helping out at least a dozen people on Monday. Because when it comes to life, when it comes to existence, it's not about right or wrong. It's not about better or worse. It's about standing high above the other's head, ready to give a stern lecture, when you suddenly and stubbornly realize, that the only thing that seems to come out of your mouth, is foamy, frosty, frothy butter... mmm, timbits covered in piss-poor, metaphorical butter, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...
And okay, scratch one off. It looks like I'm never going to be an English TA...
Friday, September 29th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Geez, me haven't updated this page in a while. I've been too busy, um, doing nothing and, uh, thinking about doing nothing... I updated the Advanced Windows9x Tweaking guide with something about a Mapped Cache, but it's a crappy tweak that I just put on there for no reason... I do have a story to tell you about Future Shop, which is the equivalent of Circuit City if you doubled all of their prices... I bought a CL ModemBlasterUSB 56k V.90 from them for $150 Canadian bucks, brought it home, and it worked slower than my old Motorola 33.6 worth $25 bucks or something. So I repackaged the goods and prepared to return it a few days later to where I bought it. Afterall, I had bought RAM at Computer City before (which is owned by the same guy as Future Shop is) and I was allowed to return it with no problem... But that was because Computer City has competition here. Future Shop has no such thing like that... can you spell MONOPOLY?
I stood in the refund line for 40 minutes, gawking at that stupid, yellow sign that said "Satisfaction Guaranteed". And for crying out loud, there was just that one person in front of us, trying to return a Cordless Phone that didn't work... and, well, that guy in front wasn't really happy with the service, and I didn't know why at that moment, but... When I finally got up there, I was greeted by a phony hello and smile. I told my problem, that the modem wouldn't connect past 26400 bps, and she didn't understand a word so she called a computer sales rep over. He didn't understand a word I said either, so with those blank, staring eyes of his, he asked me if the modem worked at all. I honestly said, "yes". It just didn't work because of an incompatibility with my computer, and I'd like an exchange please. And how does he respond? He tells me I can't exchange it. He shows me my own receipt, and dimly in that spot where it's folded, it says in faded print I can't return any product that's been opened. Doesn't matter if it's worth $1 or $1000, I just can't return it. That's when my brother started screaming that he just lost $150. I called the manager over, and she looked like she didn't give a damn. She had probably had gone through this routine a million times that day alone. She told me the same stupid thing that I can't return it, because if I did, she wouldn't know what to do with an opened box... well, for a buck she could've just repackaged it for someone that it can work for, but I guess she ain't very managerial literate at all... so I tested her computer IQ, and started spouting out all the crap that I did to try to get it to work. Told her about the MTU, the RWIN, the Firmware Flash bios, and even the bloody 3Com V.90 protocol test site. No response. Not even a flinch in their eyes.
They then asked me which server I used. I said I tested it with Freewwweb, NetZero, Freei, iFreedom, 3Web, HomeFreeWeb, blah blah blah and another one I can't remember right now... heh, the two of them just stared at me with blank faces and told me they heard the modem works with AOL and Sympatico... geez, like I didn't know that... Eventually I revealed to them that the only smart guy actually sacrificing himself by working at Future Shop had opened the package for us to look at & inspect, therefore we had bought the modem with an open box. That's when she went into the back, pretended to talk to herself in a mirror, and then came out saying we can finally get an exchange - and that because of her generousity, she could get fired... Yeah, sure.. she should get fired for arguing with us for an hour and a half already... I was going to use that $150 to buy a 128MB module of Pc-100 RAM which should've costed $190 according to the weekly flyer... and what RAM does the manager bring me? A 128MB module costing $290... hmm... con-men, con-women all in little, red uniforms... We then decided to take the credits at the store and come back another day when they don't remember us and can't take as much advantage, but when we got back to the refund stand to get a new receipt, a new employee (actually, the 8th person I saw at that spot over those 2 hours) was gossiping on the phone. When we asked for our credits, what does she do? She asks us our story again, and we waited yet again for the manager to clear things up. It's a good plan though; keep switching the refund employees so their cluelessness can piss us customers off even more...
Future Shop took nearly 2 hours out of my life. I think I'll give those 2 hours to Best Buy, Circuit City, or even, if I'm that damned, CompUSA when they all storm the Canadian gates... heh, when I was leaving, I noticed a guy was bringing a defective DVD playing back to Future Shop... I sure wish I had stayed to see that machine wrapped around that manager's head...
Friday, August 11th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Well, today's the big day. I just uploaded a list of almost 100 Free Web Space Servers and a whole bunch of new advanced Win9x tweaks like how to double your shutdown speed and how to break through every Poledit security feature there is. But that's not the big news. Let the Armada community know that I, IvanF - the bloody no-name modder, am now submitting my resignation for modding retirement. Today I release my final mod: IvanF's No Name Brand Mod 0.60 for Activision's Star Trek Armada. The main new features are I increased the Z-axis space, I made the AI even harder, I added a complete uninstallation batch file, & I added in the Borg Tactical Cube to give every race at least 13 combat vessels. To install my mod, just extract all the files to your root Star Trek Armada directory. If that doesn't work, extract it to a temp dir and move all the files yourself.
Fragaday's VISE Exe Installer for IvanF's Last Mod: IvanFragaday-NoNameBrandSTA060.exe
Mirror Site for IvanF's 0.60 Mod Zipped: IvanF-NoNameBrandSTAMod060.zip
I have been modding for 4 to 5 bloody, long months now. Go ahead and read the bottom of this page if you don't believe me, but my first official mod came out on Friday, April 21st, 2000 with an update coming out every 2-3 weeks or so. I've given my sweat to this game. I skipped out on studying for my Physics exam just to get a new mod release out. As far as I could tell, I am one of the first modders; I released a full conversion mod while James Bryant was wowing everyone with his Cobalt Defiants. I added in the Romulan D'Kazanak not long after Jc did it to become famous. I was the one who made Scube a household name; it's not a SuperCube! It's a Scout Cube! And I paraded online for weeks back in April, telling all Borg players to try my Scube. Scube this, scube that... And yet no-one remembers me. No-one even bloody knows my name. The Sandman may complain about not getting instant responses, but I complain about getting none at all. I was the first to improve pathfinding. I was the first to introduce incredibly hard, cheating AI. I was the first to create a new detail level where even Pentium 166 users like me can play with good graphics. And you know what? I have gotten nothing out of this experience. Well, not much at least.
I cried out for game balance; the players cried out for sods. I had a dream for All Experience RTS Players to settle their differences out online with my mod; whenever there was a balance issue, I would be right there to fix it. They were to give me feedback, and unlike any computer game company out there, I would make their balance suggestion reality. But goddam, I can't even play hearts properly. What makes me think I can make a game more fun for others? I don't have the brilliant reputation of Jc. I don't have people drooling at my AI like Capm does. I don't have the legacy of James Bryant. I don't have the Sods of Sulu777. I don't have the hype of the Millenium Project or the Generations Project. I don't have the loyalty that binds together the Midas Array. I don't have the realism of the Ilu Maris Project. & I don't have the originality of Futility. I dedicated my mod to balance, not sods. I thought I released a damn, good mod, not just a flashy one with cute little advertisements.
But goddammit, no-one hears me now. No-one knows the name of IvanF. Very few care... But I'm sick of being a bloody whiner. If anyone wants to try my mod, please go ahead and accept my thanks in advance. I'd love it if you played it online with your buddies; it was meant to see the light of the net. I'd love it if you'd have the courage to post in the Official Armada forum and tell me how to make my mod more balanced. But what I won't do anymore is whine, complain, or grovel for feedback. I've spent too long on my knees, and now I'm just plain bitter. Kaleb, Marrel, Tim, Ares, the Prophet, Brazza, the Sandman, & all the other greats; geez, they're all so talented and all so very lucky for getting the feedback that they get. As for me, I'd die just for cynical criticism that would kill others or some other crap like that. But I'm releasing this last mod for 4 reasons, 4 horsemen: for fbrg, for Fragaday, for my cousin, and for you, Victor. Yes, you...
You know, I'm not really upset... I'm sorry if I offend anyone; I have a real habit of doing that. I'm just frustrated & if you ever take the time to read my websites, you'd know I love to go on tangents. No matter how pathetically down I may feel, I also know that at least a few of the 39 people who downloaded my 0.56 mod enjoyed it as much as I did. I remember that it felt good to hear that some of the 90 people who downloaded my 0.20 first mod had fun playing with the special weapons... and just because of that, I promise I will make sure I will not vanish in to the bitter cold night. I will write. I will respond. I will be remembered. I will bloody be known... Geez, aren't I the melodramatic or what? I'm really going to laugh at myself sometime for writing this all...
Um, and uh, oh... thanks for listening to me...
Sincerely, _________IvanF, the no-name modder, August 10th, 2000...
Thursday, March 15th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Welcome to the grand opening of IvanF's Tweak 'n' Dweak homepage at Tweakui.mycrowsoft.com, just one of oh-so-oh-so many sites on the Mycrowsoft Network! So far, the only thing that I have online is a S3 Savage page with Quake3 tweaks. Go check out the console commands and yadda yadda yadda on the left. Now who's better than IvanF? Everybody!... but not for long.
... Tweaking and Dweaking for the broadband-impaired since March 15th, 2000...