Well, at least I can be happy about my new television. The Sharp Aquos 42D64U that I picked up back in early December for $1450, surprisingly never went down in price in stores below that point. Right now here in Canada, that set is still sitting at the $1699 mark for some odd reason, when its predecessor of the 42D62U was what was on sale everywhere during Boxing Week Sales...

Hell, the fat ass 62U was still priced at $1299 even during clearance days, and while that’s a fair amount to pay for almost the same kind of quality as my 64U, the overall chic sleekness and shit is just not the same. Now, I’m sure probably sometime in February or March or whatever, my television will finally drop in price, but can I really complain when I’ve been enjoying 1080P resolutions on my Xbox 360 and HD-DVD already for the past two months?...

... but oy, HD-DVD... there lies the rub...

How long was I even part of the High Definition Movie format war? Five fucking days? WTF?...

I’m hesitant to say that HD-DVD really did lose the war, considering I was always one of those bitter, delusional fanboys who thought that the Nintendo 64 could’ve overtaken the Playstation One over time. Hell, I was also one of those idiots who thought the Sega Dreamcast had a chance against the PS2, or that the Nintendo Gamecube could at least usurp the original Xbox for second place worldwide. I’ve definitely had my share of being on the losing side of console wars for a very long time. But after getting used to the success of the Nintendo DS and Nintendo Wii, even after I was ridiculed to hell that both ideas would flop? I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to be one of them losers, embroiled and battered by the HD-DVD and Blu-Ray wars for just five fucking days before conceding defeat...

Did I see the Warner Bros announcement coming? No fucking way, although I think in my last update, I did allude to the fact that HD-DVD would eventually lose the war, all thanks to the PS3 acting as a goddam Trojan horse. Either way, just a few days after I wrote my fucking last Tweakui Update, I along with every other newborn HD-DVD supporter from Christmas on was completely blinded-sided by the fact that Warner Bros chose to ally themselves with Fox and the evil Blu-Ray side of things...

It’s not like I can blame the company for abandoning Universal and Paramount to HD-DVD exclusivity, especially considering Blu-Ray standalone drives were already outselling Toshiba ones by nearly a 2 to 1 ratio at the time. Still, after all the support Warner Bros had given the HD-DVD format and after all the titles they promised later in the year, I couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed myself. And fuck, I was only a soldier in the goddam trench war at that point for five fucking days...

There’s really nothing Toshiba can do at this point but throw in the towel for the sake of the industry. But this whole Warner Bros deal honestly, it was like a fucking knife to the fucking back. Or like watching a goddam fucking Smallville episode, HD-DVD quality version or not. Dear fucking God...

I still find it funny, the timing of my brother’s big decision to get me the Xbox 360 HD-DVD addon when he finally did. I mean, not only did he pay more for it than he could’ve in most other stores (he bought it for $199 when it could easily be found for $149 new or even $49 used at EB), but he bought the damn player for me just days before the Warner Bros announcement? WTF? While obviously, that’s partly the fault of Fox and WB for making sure they sold as many copies of Batman Begins at Boxing Day clearance prices as possible (which I was a sucker for as well, not that I’m complaining), the timing of my brother’s gift was still so damn ironically funny to me. I mean seriously, what the fuck can I say to him? That I wish I could’ve returned his gift, but I couldn’t because I stupidly cut out the UPC for the five fucking free HD-DVD deal just a day before the Warner Bros shit went down? WTF?...

But it’s the thought that counts, right? And the thing is, I still am enjoying my HD-DVD, just like those who were lucky enough to have a Laserdisc player are still enjoying the best damn legit version of the original Star Wars trilogy out there today. I don’t have a ton of movies, but thanks to some major deals over at Amazon.com, my collection has been growing and it’s not like these 1080P film encodes are ever going to look like shit on my Sharp Aquos TV anyhew. Eventually, I may buy a combo player that runs both HD-DVD and Blu-Ray, just to make sure my existing HDM collection lives on for another day. For the most part though, I don’t really have an issue with owning a "console" for a dead format. It’s like reliving my Sega Dreamcast glory days all over again, as my brother and I stupidly bought that system as soon as it went on clearance prices as well...

I personally find it revolting that Sony won the format war, in my honest opinion at least. I know there is no factual proof or anything, that Sony offered Fox a huge financial incentive to stay away from the HD-DVD camp of things and to sway Warner Bros into ending the war in favour of Sony. But whatever, it was both Toshiba’s and Sony’s faults for ruining the DVD forum and creating this format war in the first place. And while originally, for five fucking days at least, I had hoped that Sony would befall the same fate as they did for their Beta format, history seems to show that Matshushita (aka Panasonic) always holds the keys to the atomic bomb in format wars. Whichever side they’re on always tends to win. I should’ve seen that coming I guess, despite Matshushita’s lessening influence on the industry, but as usual I was too blinded by my Sony hate to take off my rose-coloured, Nintendo glasses...

So what now? Where do I go from here? Well, I’m still collecting HD-DVD movies, now that I can’t return my addon player any longer. I have the Bourne Trilogy on the way from Amazon as we speak, and it’s not like my copies of TMNT or Batman Begins will suddenly become shitty benchmarks for my 1080P or anything. Nothing will change the fact my current collection of ten or twenty films look absolutely badass on my Sharp Aquos screen. And for that, I still thank my brother for the gift, if only because I was interested in getting involved in the High Definition Movie format war one of these days anyhew...

I just never expected to be a goddam conscript turned goddam casualty, just five fucking days into the calamity known as goddam Serenity...

... which looks pretty fucking nice in HD-DVD as well, but still?...

... fuck, now I know what it feels like to be a Sega fan...

... or a sad ass PC only gamer, really...

...

Ah, PC Gaming. Besides collecting a whole mess-load of now worthless HD-DVD movies, the only thing I’ve been really wasting my cash on lately have been goddam worthless PC games from the glory days. Just recently, I picked up copies of Sim City 2000, the original Deus Ex, Dawn of War, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. I’ll never play any of those titles, considering I’m basically a console only gamer for life these days. But I do have spare cash thanks to my recent promotion at work and the boredom to buy, so why the fuck not?...

The thing is though, lately I’ve been seeing on forums (namely NeoGaf, where I’ve been a lurker since the Sega Dreamcast days...) a ton of threads dedicated to the demise of the PC. The thing is, both sides of the debates there are just so wildly, ragingly spectacular in all their unfounded assumptions and speculations, that I can’t help but bloody hell, emo-comment about it here...

I mean seriously, WTF? Why even bother to debate such crap when there is no real good information about the situation, one way or another? Convincing a true console gamer that PC gaming is not dying, is like trying to convince me back in the N64 days that the Playstation One was actually going to run away with the crown. And trying to convince a PC gamer that their industry is not dwindling into niche status, is like trying to convince a vegetarian that it’s beneficial to eat proteins from meat, or trying to convince a goddam atheist that they’re not automatically more rational than a goddam theist. Well, those are two separate debates for another day, but short story short, I have a few PC gamer-only friends of mine. And trying to convince them that PC gaming is still on the goddam decline is like the equivalent of pulling out my own goddam teeth...

Okay, let’s set the record straight first here with the debate. PC Gaming is NOT dying. However, just like hardcore console gamers can’t stand the fact that the Nintendo DS and Wii are driving the industry into more arcade-like, casual titles, the fact of the matter is that PC Gaming does not seem healthy seen from the eyes of fans of the glory age of gaming. We’re talking about comparisons to 1998 here, really..

I mean seriously, what happened to all the kickass adventure games like Day of the Tentacle, or the innovative first person shooters like Duke Nukem 3D and Quake? According to NPD reports, there were only two PC titles that sold more than a million copies in North America in 2007, and both of those very games are already more than a year old. WTF?...

Really, if it wasn’t for World of Warcraft and The Sims (yes, still the fucking Sims), the PC industry would be left with nothing more than titles like Crysis selling less than one hundred thousand copies in an entire fucking year. While it’s always good that the overall revenues of PC-gaming worldwide remain high thanks to MMORPG’s like WoW and Lineage, what does that mean for all the traditional FPS and RTS games that we old skool gamers used to love to play? Now sure, I know that at least Starcraft 2 is on the way. But when Unreal Tournament 3 and Quake Wars (shitty titles as they are) can barely sell over 100K copies each, is the PC gaming industry really headed where we want it to go?...

Granted, of course die-hard PC fans have excuses for all the above. First of all, they always allude to digital downloads, claiming that the NPD even admits that its numbers are not accurate since they don’t take Valve’s Steam service into account. And naturally, I’m not denying the fact that the PC Half Life Orange Box sold a ton of copies. I’m sure that plenty of gamers downloaded that title directly off of Valve’s services out of price and convenience alone. And I’m sure that the NPD will admit that its numbers for that top tier title are probably way off the mark...

But really, why do gamers never acknowledge the fact that it can’t be a good thing that Valve never releases any hard numbers for their sales over Steam? Why is it that we’re all left with nothing but guess-work as to how many copies were digitally downloaded and sold for full fucking price? If the numbers were really astounding, wouldn’t they fucking report them to potential shareholders at the very least? I for one am not the type of guy to completely make up numbers based on how many people I assume would’ve bought from Steam rather than pirate, so why are PC evangelists so ardent and adamant about doing that very damn thing?...

Some gamers cite that The Witcher and Supreme Commander both sold over a million copies worldwide this past year, which is entirely possible. But considering both titles barely registered on the NPD charts, and both games sold a million copies according to only and solely the word of their publishers’ own press releases? Just like in the console world where a company claims they sold two million copies worldwide, only to have it revealed that they meant "shipped to retailers" once NPD and Media Create numbers come out at a quarter of that mark, why the fuck should we ever trust the numbers that PC publishers release? WTF?...

The only hard numbers we have are NPD numbers, and they show that Crysis, UT3 and Quake Wars all sold less than two hundred thousand copies each throughout the entire year of 2007. And below them in the US were The Witcher, Supreme Commander and World in Conflict, all three of which are great games that deserve to be played. The only true debatable success for a 2007 title on the PC was Call of Duty 4, which sold around 400K copies in North America alone. But compare that to the three million plus copies sold on the Xbox 360 already, and then you can see why so many sensationalist writers out there are claiming the sky is falling for the PC gaming industry...

Now, if you blindly believe publisher press releases, then all the above PC titles were million sellers at the very least, or at least close to that number worldwide. But how do we know if they’re citing sales to customers, or only reporting numbers sent out to retailers? How the fuck do we know what the actual digital download numbers are when Valve and Steam simply will not tell us? How is silence ever a good sign? Why the fuck are PC gamers so desperate in defending their territory, that they will use blind faith in godly digital download numbers to justify that PC gaming is as strong as it was way back in 1998? Take away World of Warcraft and The Sims, and what do you have, but one of the worst years in PC gaming revenue that we know of in history. Or at least according to the known, hard facts we can trust...

But now, with all that said, I will repeat the fact that PC Gaming is NOT dying. If you’re a MMORPG, especially in China or Korea, you’re probably in heaven right now despite monthly fees, as it’s a glory age for grinding right about now. World of Warcraft some gamers claim is the best game ever made, and they happily fork over $15 per month to keep their characters alive and well online. PC Gaming, despite horrible retail sales, still churns out a few quality titles every single year that console games simply cannot compare to. Command and Conquer 3 and Supreme Commander are just so much better as original PC titles than they ever were on the Xbox 360 CPU and gamepad. At least there, I don’t feel there’s much of a debate...

And really, if there is any true strength in the PC industry, it’s true backwards compatibility and mod gaming longevity, two benefits that console gaming simply cannot compare to. I am still collecting age old titles from the 1990’s that can still work flawlessly on a modern day PC. I for one am not complaining about that fact. And even if title releases on the PC continue to slow down, as long as PC developers never have to pay royalties to any other company for each of their sales, I guarantee that there will be at least one or two marquee traditional titles produced every single year...

Even if overall digital download numbers are low, real profits for truly successful titles are so damn high. PC Gaming will NOT die, although I do believe that it will continue to decline, aside from Blizzard and Valve that is...

Really, both sides of the console vs PC gaming debate consist of just sensationalists and evangelists. Console gaming is growing, PC gaming is slowing, that is the true and only real point to debate. And really, looking at the facts (or lack thereof), is there really any thing worth arguing about? Until we get real, hard numbers for digital downloads that can actually be confirmed by a third party source, then we might as well be talking about blind faith in goddam religion here or some crap like that...

Then again, facts and the truth never stopped all the HD-DVD and Blu-Ray forum wars on Neogaf either, even after the goddam Warner Bros announcement was made. So who am I to argue what is to be argued?...

... well, that’s a raging soul of a debate for another day...

... or a goddam eternity, that is...

...

To be honest, with HD-DVD now dead and the Nintendo Wii firmly in control of first place for most likely the rest of this generation of gaming, the only real "war" that I give a shit about is the one happening in the sports world...

Well, I would give a shit about the Toronto Maple Leafs any other year. But until they tank for both Stamkos and Tavares, then in all bandwagon honesty, I think the NBA is the only real battleground that I lend my fucking ear to...

The thing is, I was shocked and absolutely floored by the trade the Lakers made for Pau Gasol. I mean seriously, Kwame Brown, Michael Crichton (or the Criterion Collection, or whatever the fuck that PG is called), and Marc fucking Gasol traded for his superstar, 20-10 of a Spanish brother? WTF? How the fuck can such a lop-sided trade ever happen? I know the Memphis Grizzlies are cheap and want to rebuild with expiring contracts, but I don’t even think Kwame helps them out much here. What’s the point of cap space this year, when it’s all going to just be eaten up by either a worthless free agent (as the pool this year is rather shit) or a bunch of wannabe rookie contracts who all think they deserve the max? That is, unless Memphis is thinking of moving to another city and won’t even bother to make a splash in the free agent market in 2008, but that’s a debate for another day...

Really, I can’t believe that the Los Angeles Lakers could pull off such a coup for one of the best offensive big men in the entire league. Really, Pau Gasol for spare parts, WTF? I wish the Raptors were able to get him for Rasho Nesterovic and whatever other soon to be expirings we have on the team. But it seems that Memphis really wanted a huge contract to expire as soon as goddam possible, and that Bryan Colangelo is too fucking in love with his poonani of a Bargnani to ever give Gasol proper consideration at Centre. WTF?...

Shades of the Vince Carter trade, that’s the haunting feeling I got when I first saw this deal go down. Now granted, I think Memphis got a better deal from Gasol than we got for VC, namely direct expiring contracts versus the bloated piece of shit known as Alonzo fucking Mourning. Then again, Vince Carter at the time was considered to be busted goods and may never be able to play at a high level after his injuries ever again. Meanwhile, not only does Pau Gasol deserve a premium for being a big man in the first place, but he’s been consistently putting up near 20 and 10 numbers for his entire fucking career, and that includes this year when he supposedly demanded a goddam trade. Seriously, did no other team step up to the plate and offer Memphis a fucking better deal than Kwame fucking Brown and two pathetic draft picks? Really, WTF?...

I’m shocked, and I’m jealous. I’m pissed enough at Colangelo that he couldn’t or just didn’t want to seal the deal here, but I’d be even more steamed at Chicago if I were a fan. They were supposedly offering Nocioni and Tyrus Thomas for Gasol, which doesn’t look bad on paper except when you consider Nocioni’s huge contract and the fact that Tyrus so far has been a horrible bust this year. Really, it was said that Memphis just wanted Thabo and Joakim Noah from the Bulls, two average scrubs that I would barely even trade Rasho Nesterovic for. Seriously, does John Paxson of the Bulls really overvalue his wannabe players that much that he didn’t green-light that trade for Pau fucking Gasol? Does he really think his team will go anywhere in the playoffs with the sorry current state that he finds his superstar-less scrubs in? WTF?...

Well, if Chicago really doesn’t want Nocioni or Tyrus Thomas, we’ll gladly take them off of their hands, let’s imagine for semi-scrubs like Jason Kapano and Maceo Baston. And if Memphis really is in fire-sale mode, how about Mike Miller and Juan Navarro for Juan Dixon and Joey Graham or some shit like that? And c’mon, please don’t tell me that Philadelphia is going to screw over their draft position again by pretending to be the goddam Toronto Maple Leafs and refusing to tank the rest of the year? How about we ship off to them Rasho Nesterovic for Canada’s own Samuel Dalembert and then call it a day?...

And then, what will we have at opening tip of 2008-2009, the summer after the Toronto Raptors win it all in the NBA Finals?...

... ahem...

C: Andrea Bargnani, Samuel Dalembert, Kris Humphries
PF: Chris Bosh, Andres Nocioni, Jorge Garbajosa
SF: Mike Miller, Tyrus Thomas, Jamario Moon
SG: Anthony Parker, Carlos Delfino, Juan Navarro
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic

Now, is that really too much to ask? Especially after the Lakers got Pau for Marc freakin’ Gasol...

So Bryan Colangelo? Do something already. Do fucking something...

... make it happen, make it fucking happen...

Or else?... or else, well?...

With the undrafted Calderon almost becoming an all-star, Rob fucking Babcock of all idiots is starting to look like a goddam genius of a hero. So now, I’m definitely waiting for BC to finally make his true mark. Make this team a fucking contender already...

Do it. Make it happen...

DO IT. Make it fucking happen...

... or else?... uggh...

... it’s back to mediocre HDM format and console wars for me...

... or even worse, Toronto Maple Leafs games and fucking goddam Smallville episodes...

... dear fucking God...

...

Another thing I was recently shocked at, was that all fucking tickets, even the upper-bowl ones, were completely sold out for every single damn Toronto Raptors game in February and March. If this was just a couple of years ago, I’d be able to get good seats for thirty bucks a pop at this point, and yet now I’m forced to keep my hard earned cash to myself. I was thinking about treating a friend for his birthday or promotion or something, but apparently the guys behind the Air Canada Centre don’t want my goddam money. I guess though, this is what happens with a winning basketball team in a losing goddam hockey hog-town. If only Cliff Fletcher can start turning things around like Wayne Embry did for the Toronto Raptors, then maybe I can get some fucking last minute tickets to NBA games next fucking year...

In the meantime, if MLSE doesn’t want my money, that leaves me plenty of time and cash to go waste on the dead HD-DVD format, as I just did with the Bourne Trilogy off of Amazon. I’ve still been picking up random rare PS2 games as well, with Wild Arms 5, Persona 3 and Soul Nomad (WTF?) still on my to-buy horizon one of these days. And yes, I have been wasting a ton of money on age-old PC games, picking up shit like the original Age of Empires, Age of Mythology, and even the Best of Star Wars PC DVD, simply because I wanted a SECOND copy of Knights of the Old Republic, a fucking game I beat twice on the original Xbox already. WTF?...

Well, guess that’s what having a job and a promotion does to a guy. Except that I still wasted so much cash on games even when I was a bum without a career back in university. I just refused to buy any textbooks or go to class the whole time, saving money on public transit and food in the meantime. Of course, it’s sad that I spent eight thousand dollars a year on tuition fees to mainly attend just goddam fucking exams and barely pass my courses. But whatever, I got a kickass Gamecube and Xbox collection out of it all. I have no real regrets, except failing so many goddam courses due to complete negligence and general goddam ignorance, but whatever. You win some, you lose some...

Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?...

Well, if the Toronto Raptors make it far in the playoffs, if the Toronto Maple Leafs tank this year and the next for Stamkos and Tavares respectively, and if only somehow HD-DVD gets a revival and I get even more 1080P glory on my Sharp Aquos fucking TV?...

Indeed, 2008 is shaping up to be quite an interesting year. And with the Chinese New Year of the Rat coming up in just a few days? Well, what else then can I wish you all?...

... but a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone...

Seriously, maybe my mind and memory are just fading and failing on me, but what the hell happened this past year? I don’t really remember a thing, as callous and inconsiderate as that may sound to some people in the world. I mean, recently of course I recall the suicide bombing that may lead Pakistan to Civil War, and before that there was a drought and a gas shortage with a flock of seagulls, but that’s about it. What was there really to remember about 2007?...

The one thing that did seem to affect me, was the fact that the Canadian Dollar has risen higher against the American dollar than it ever has before. I quite honestly never did expect to witness in my lifetime, the Canadian loonie be worth more than an actual US buck, let alone reach heights approaching a dollar and ten cents. And why the hell would I ever complain considering in this modern age of sadistic enlightenment known as the internet, a strong CDN dollar can only lead to good things for us consumers, especially during the holiday season. Just the other day, I ordered a few HD-DVD’s from Amazon.com, namely TMNT, Hot Fuzz and Serenity. Sure, the shipping costs were a bitch and a half, but considering I didn’t have to pay any taxes and that the Canadian and US dollars are currently at a 1:1 ratio? How the fuck can I possibly complain?...

... well, unless I get slapped with fucking duties that is, but that’s a story for another day...

...

The high rise of the Canadian loonie has meant death and hard times for a lot of industries up here in the North, don’t get me wrong, but as a consumer I was more than pleased that I could actually price match products with US websites for the first time in my entire fucking life. Namely, that’s exactly how I got my new television, a brand spanking beautiful Sharp Aquos 42" LCD from this year’s 42D64U slim models. It looks so fucking nice...

Technically I could’ve saved a bunch of money if I had just gone for last year’s 62U models, which have been on sale lately for less than $1200 here in Canada in some stores. The 64U cost me $1450 instead, which isn’t a bad price at all thanks to some US price matching here at Best Buy, although I’m still kicking myself for forgetting all about the Friends and Family sale at Future Shop (where I would’ve gotten the TV for $1350 automatically without even having to haggle). Well, you win some, you lose some, I guess...

I was waiting an eternity to get a brand new HDTV, and with the rapid rise of the Canadian dollar, I absolutely refused to cave into the guilty pleasure of buying a set at what would’ve been a good CDN price for the goddam TV, but a horrible global price at the time. I continued my research on the net and patiently waited for stores to finally reduce the prices of their products, and while I may still get burned with a further price drop in February, I’m still more than happy with this television set I had at home to show off to the flabbergasted guests at Christmas...

It was the biggest purchase I had ever made in my life with my credit card, enough so that when I was at Best Buy for a $1600 purchase (thanks to taxes), I got slapped with a fraud alert and was forced to call my bank of CIBC. What a shitty ass bunch of credit card assholes they turned out to be, although I do understand why they had to check if I was actually using my own VISA or not. Still, it was the way that the man behind the phone was conducting his little inquiries that pissed the hell out of me, especially in a noisy ass store like a holiday season Best fucking bustling Buy...

I mean, the first question he asked me was, "I see you spent $39 yesterday at noon. What was it that you bought?" And the thing was, thirty nine fucking bucks could’ve came from anywhere, whether it was lunch or a frickin’ video game I bought. How the fuck was I supposed to remember with my shitty ass memory lately? But he refused to let my transaction go through unless I informed him exactly where those thirty nine bucks came from...

Looking back, I realize that he was probably checking if I had knowledge of my previous purchases, in case I had stolen this VISA from someone else or some shit like that. But honestly, who the fuck gives a shit about thirty nine fucking dollars? I know gas is one of the first things a thief would steal, but couldn’t I just guess at a gas station then for this purchase information? Hell, I actually got frightened, thinking I couldn’t possibly remember this thirty nine fucking dollar shit and then would be forced to give up on my goddam TV...

After fifteen minutes of bitching and whining, it finally came back to me. My company Christmas Party was coming up the following week, and the thirty nine bucks was used to have alterations done to my new suit. Finally, after mentioning that I made that purchase at Tip Top Tailors, the transaction for my TV was finally allowed to go through. Of course, even after I was able to goddam sign my name, CIBC called my house again for a secondary fraud alert, and actually asked me, "did you make a purchase at Best Buy? Were you being coerced?" I mean seriously, WTF? I appreciate that they’re trying to look out for me against criminals, but goddammit, let me just enjoy the biggest fucking purchase I’ve made in my fucking life by giving me the time to hook it the fuck up...

I’ve got to say this about my new Sharp Aquos. While for some odd reason, I’m having issues with the optical out not functioning properly when it comes to HDMI input, the overall picture quality and colour clarity just kicks the fucking ass out of my brother’s old 42" LG. Now granted, his television was 720p resolution when I have this year’s 1080p model, but even when dealing with satellite HD coming in at his native resolution, my picture quality is simply so much more impeccable that it’s almost too sharp for its own good. And the colours, after playing around with the settings a bit (since they didn’t look nearly as great coming out of the box), are so much more vibrant and brilliant than I have ever seen from an HDTV set that costs less than three fucking grand. Believe me, I was more than just impressed from my new Sharp Aquos, and that’s saying something considering how much I had researched LCD and plasma televisions before I even bought the damn thing...

However, thanks to all my googling on the goddam web, I did know that like all great superheroes, the Sharp Aquos LCD line did have one goddam Achilles’ Heel of television kryptonite. Either thanks to piss poor manufacturing processes, or simply due to engineering laziness, an effect known as "colour banding" appears in most Sharp televisions either immediately or slowly over time. It appears as multiple, thin "bands" of non-uniform colour strips running horizontally and vertically across the screen. Most people claim they rarely if ever notice this on their Sharp television sets that they buy, but the issue is still always there. At first, I never noticed it on my own set, so I thought I was just one of the lucky ones who couldn’t perceive the problem at hand. Unfortunately for me though, despite the horrible prescription of my goddam eye-glasses, I suppose my vision is just too goddam precise for its own fucking good...

My brother bought me the Xbox 360 HD-DVD as my Christmas present, and believe me, seeing movies in full 1080p VC1 glory was an amazing gift that rivaled the difference between VHS and my first DVD player, to be honest. Either my new Sharp is just that damn good at rendering 1080p resolutions, or HD-DVD really is encoded that damn well that the sharpness and clarity of the picture against DVD is simply night and day, a bloody revelation to my eyes...

The thing is though, I never noticed this with my satellite feed at 720p or with my Xbox 360 outputted at 1080p, but when I watch the HD-DVD movies that I bought, I can goddam see the fucking vertical and horizontal bands of fucking incorrect colour every single time that the camera pans over something that’s gray. Why the fuck does Sharp allow this to happen? What the fuck is wrong with their manufacturing and quality assurance processes, when this problem was around for last year’s 62U models and should have goddam been fixed by this year’s 64U? I only notice these issues about 5% of the time when watching a film, but when combined with the cheap-ass sound processing over HDMI, this new television of mine has certainly been demonstrating a few goddam shameful kinks beneath that shiny, Sharp armour...

The last day that I can return the television is coming up soon. On the one hand, it has more definitive flaws than my brother’s 720p LG had last year, that’s for sure. Then again though, especially when it comes to satellite feeds, the overall picture quality and clarity on the Sharp 42" simply blows my brother’s own HDTV out of the goddam water. It’s not even a fair comparison, as essentially his TV can be compared to fucking DVD quality and mine looks like the brand new HD-DVD drive that I just hooked up. Now granted, I’ve been tempted to exchange for this year’s 1080p LG model, but really, I might and probably will be able to live with these flaws of the goddam Sharp. Guess I have a few remaining days to do a bit of soul searching there, along with goddam googling...

... but goddammit, in 1080p full HD glory, it just looks so fucking good...

... sigh... closest thing I can get to the feeling of sex, sadly...

...

Like I mentioned before, I’ve been filling my holiday vacation time with my newfound love and obsession with the HD-DVD drive that my brother got me. Now, I know, I know, the Xbox 360 add-on version is probably one of the worst HD-DVD drives out there and I really should invest in one of the newer Toshiba drives. Still, as long as I’ve got true 1080p output (which I do through VGA right now, since my HDMI optical output is on the fritz), and the quality of certain movies I own (Batman Begins, Constantine, The Departed, The Last Samurai) all look better than all but the more brilliant of Xbox 360 games out there, then who am I really to complain?...

The thing is though, out of all things in life, I did not want to get embroiled in yet another format war. I mean, after being on the Nintendo fanboy side of things for the NES, then especially during the SNES and Genesis Holy War, and eventually giving my heart and soul to the losing causes of the N64 and Gamecube as well, I’ve seen more than my fair share of goddam console crusades in my life time. While obviously, I’ve been taking a breather in that aspect considering I have no need to be bitter while the Nintendo Wii and DS lay waste to all challengers before them, do I really want to get involved in yet another bloody border dispute, this time between HD-DVD and Sony’s Blu-Ray discs?...

Ha, obviously, right off the bat, I’ve always supported HD-DVD more, simply because I’ve been anti-Sony ever since they stole the SNES CD designs to build the first Playstation. Then again, objectively and from a pure technical point of view, the Blu-Ray format is superior, if only because of its standard 50GB discs (compared to 30 GB for HD-DVD), which may become 100GB if Sony can find a way to update the firmware on all their old Blu-Ray players...

Then again, looking further at the details, many Blu-Ray discs still use old MPEG2 encoding for movies rather than the newer VC1 codec, meaning that HD-DVD often times have produced virtually identical quality results to Blu-Ray even with the smaller overall disc size. I’ve never really cared for HD-DVD’s interactive HDi features, but its complete lack of region protection is definitely a definitive good thing. And I am a fan of a lot of the HD-DVD combo discs that have been produced that also run in DVD players, something seriously lacking on the Sony side of stuff. So really, when everything together has been factored in, is Blu-Ray really the better format?...

Then again, does it really matter at this point? While the PS3 may have failed miserably in the war against the Nintendo Wii across the globe, and it also is getting its ass handed to it by the Xbox 360 in North America, at least Sony can feel reassured that their plan to use the console as a trojan horse to establish their Blu-Ray brand has worked for the most part. Right now, 70% of high definition movies sold every week belong to the Blu-Ray format, and this still continues to occur even after Toshiba has drastically reduced the price of their HD-DVD players to sub-$200 levels. As much as I love the quality of my own HD-DVD drive right now, I know that Blu-Ray would look just as good on my television, if not better depending on the type of video codec used. Sure, I’ve never been a supporter of Sony, but even so, I sure as hell ain’t supporting either side of a goddam format war outside of my own video console universe...

I’ve dealt with enough bullshit, blindly devoting myself to defending Nintendo for twenty fucking years of my life now. While obviously I’ll probably stay loyal to Nintendo until the day I die, do I really want to become that damn irrational and that damn fanatical about a goddam movie format war that never should’ve happened in the first place? I never gave a shit about the VHS and Beta battles long before, and thank God the industry never gave a damn about Laserdisc and all the other competing formats back before DVD became the norm. All I want is a damn player that works with all the goddam movies I want, in higher fucking definition that shitty ass 480p DVD discs. Give me fucking true 1080p or give me death, I don’t really care what format that quality comes from...

Right now, I do have a fair collection of HD-DVD movies arriving on the horizon, with TMNT, Hot Fuzz, Serenity, The Italian Job, and Pitch Black all soon joining the mix through mail. And there is a decent selection of other films I wouldn’t mind trying out either. I’ll willing to pick up Anchorman and Happy Gilmore for shits and giggles, maybe Transformers for Megan fucking Fox, Face/Off and The Rundown are still near the top of my list, and I would love to pick up the Bourne Trilogy if only it was still on sale for $49 at Amazon like it was before Christmas. But at the same time, it tears me apart that I will never get the decent films from Sony’s own Columbia on the HD-DVD format at this rate, and I’ll never be able to see the glory that is Pixar films (Ratatouille, Finding Nemo, etc...) thanks to Disney’s obsession with the digital copy protection built into the bullshit Blu-Ray disc...

I’ve dealt with this bullshit for twenty fucking plus years now, about special exclusives throughout my eons as a goddam video gaming nut. I sincerely hope I won’t have to deal with it in the long run in the goddam movie universe too, or else my Sharp LCD will have to suffer through 480p shit DVD discs for quite a while goddam more...

...

Well, it’s now officially the year of 2008, and it’s amazing how the Nintendo Wii is still tearing up a total storm in the video gaming industry. I mean, I knew the Nintendo DS would take off, though I never predicted that it soon could overtake the NES and Gameboy as the best fucking selling system of all time. But the Nintendo Wii, to be honest, I really thought it could’ve been a flop and a failure. All the reviews for the motion controls of the Wiimote, while positive in terms of innovation, all cited how fucking lame-ass and inaccurate it was to use the accelerometer and pointer responsiveness. And goddammit, my oh my, how things have fucking changed since then...

All the way through 2007, whether it was fucking December or July, people were lining up for Nintendo Wii’s all over North America, and my God would parents’ eyes light up the moment they saw even a single console on store shelves. I’ve seen mad dashes between teenagers and old men in stores over those stupid ass white boxes, and there’s never a time when I don’t see an entire stack of these systems disappear from a store display seemingly overnight. The US NPD sales for November alone stated that a million Nintendo Wii’s were sold that month, half of them during Thanksgiving week thanks to Black Friday. Who knows how many were sold in December then for Christmas and the holiday season? Last year, it was the hottest toy on the fucking market, and I can’t honestly believe that Nintendo had the marketing prowess to keep it that way throughout the entire year of 2007, but somehow they managed to pull it all off...

And respectively, the titles for the Nintendo Wii haven’t been so bad. I myself collected games like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, Resident Evil 4 Redux, and Zack and Wiki. Plus, I still need to pick up Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 and Battalion Wars Wii one of these days. But the sad thing was, aside from maybe Metroid Prime, I never really got into any of these titles. Probably my most played Nintendo Wii game for the entire year turned out to be Ghost Squad, a shitty ass, twenty buck SEGA port of a light gun shooter from the Dreamcast days. WTF?...

The Xbox 360 had much more of the titles that I gave a damn about this year. Halo 3 was a bit of a disappointment, but other games like Call of Duty 4, Mass Effect, Bioshock, the Half Life 2 Orange Box, and even shit like Crackdown turned out to be decent enough software when all was said and done. And while I would never buy a PS3 at its current fucking price and value, even that system had a few sellers in my eyes when it came to the new Time Crisis and Uncharted. To be honest, I much favoured my Xbox 360 this year over the Nintendo Wii, and I was just as happy that the former sold about 800K systems in November as I was when it came to the Wii cracking a goddam million. Still, part of me wonders why the fuck the Wii is still managing to clean and clear house across the globe, with a selection of games that feels so damn shallow and nothing more than a sheer novelty in the goddam end. Alas, the Wii just does not feel like the original Nintendo seal of approval that I fell in love with so long ago...

Of course, if NPD sales are to be believed, I seem to be in the minority consensus on that. People these days, they don’t buy a Nintendo Wii to get Fire Emblem or Metroid Prime or even Super Mario Galaxy (for the most part). To all my relatives and to most of my friends, the shitty ass title known as Wii Sports is the Nintendo Wii. It comes with the system, and that’s all they give a shit about. They all buy Wii Play as a second controller and a Wii Sports companion, which explains how that shitty ass game has somehow sold millions of copies worldwide. And that’s all these people I know ever buy, if the NPD sales for every title but Super Mario Galaxy and Guitar Hero 3 have been indicative of anything. As a long-time gamer, granted, seeing these kinds of trends is goddam frustrating at times. But as a sworn Nintendo fanboy for Hippocratic and hypocritical life, how the fuck then can I really complain?...

To be honest, I’ve been losing interest in large scale video games myself. I’ve barely started the new Fire Emblem, even after falling in love with the SRPG epic on the Gamecube, and I haven’t had the urge to even give Mass Effect yet a try. Yet at the same time, I ironically can’t get into shallow and repetitively simple games like Wii Sports or Mario Party 8 anymore. Well, except for Ghost Squad and Earth Defence Force 2017 that is, simply because those are two of the best games ever made, period. But then fuck, maybe I am becoming more of a "non-gamer" afterall. Either that, or I’m just feeling really nostalgic for the glory days of gaming lore, from a long time ago in a console war far far away. Because oh yes, the SNES vs Genesis bloody hell crusades for the Holy fucking Grail, really...

.. sigh... alas, those indeed were the days...

...

Instead of video games, I’ve been spending most of my days just working at my company and then returning home to watch sports in the evening. I guess that’s always been my pattern in the past, although at least I fit an hour or two of gaming somewhere deep in the night before. Now, I’m just too lazy to get involved in anything but sitting passively on my couch while the Toronto Raptors blow yet another lead. WTF?...

I was infuriated with their recent performances in Portland and Seattle, where they let "easy" wins (regardless of how well Portland has played as of late) get away from them in the dying minutes of the game. Then again, the Raptors absolutely did amazingly well in both San Antonio and New Orleans tonight, beating two of the top teams in the Western Conference in their own goddam time zones, no less. While obviously SA was missing Manu and Brent Barry as their best three point threats, and New Orleans almost gift-wrapped the game for us at the end with a total choke job worthy of Gilbert Arenas, there’s still no real refuting the fact that for the latter two games, the Raptors played with grit and fortitude and real goddam fucking defence. WTF?...

Andrea Bargnani has played like a total piece of shit lately, which is more than just painful in light of Lamarcus Aldridge’s 36-point performance tonight, or the fact that Brandon Roy single-handedly dismantled the Raptors with a Michael Jordanesque performance. But even so, I’m still on the Bargnani bandwagon, no matter how shitty ass his jump shot has become. I’m not sure if he’ll ever become the kind of centre that we want him to be, but I’m still sure that he had more potential to be just that than Lamarcus Aldridge did at the time of the draft...

I personally would’ve taken Aldridge myself, considering his defensive potential (even if it is at PF) and his close Texan roots with Chris Bosh. But Andrea has shown flashes of pure Dirk Nowitzki brilliance before, and I refuse to believe that he’s suddenly lost that ability as well as his confidence. His performances in San Antonio and New Orleans both reminded us fans that Bargnani can be an Andrei Kirilenko kind of contributor at PF at the least, and we can only hope he becomes Dirk with actual D in the goddam future. If anything, it was also a telling point that the two times he’s played well in the past month, were the two times we actually won against good, strong teams...

In the meantime, I’m shocked the Bryan Colangelo and Sam Mitchell were able to potentially solve our problems at SF seemingly overnight, with Jason Kapono through the MLE and Jamario Moon as a goddam rookie making just $400K this year. While both players have their flaws, the two combined make a decently lethal combination that, if only Kapono would shoot more mid-range jumpers off screens, and if only Jamario attacked the rim more goddam consistently, we wouldn’t need to look for a prototypical SF any longer. If the two can share minutes properly at the position, then it would go a long way in helping us Raptor fans feel better for passing over Danny Granger in favour of goddam Joey Graham. Hell, if BC can trade Joey Graham for a bag of chips, then all would be well in the world...

I know, I know, hindsight is 20/20, but at the time of that draft, the first player on my list was Gerald Green and the second was Danny Granger. If only it wasn’t for his injury-ridden past, he would’ve been a surefire first pick on my own radar at the very least. And the draft before that, I never would’ve thought we would pick Rafael Araujo. The big man who I thought we were targeting, Andris Biedrins, has turned into a pretty good player in this league in his own right, but I’ll admit that I was never intent on targeting him myself. In all honesty, I wanted to take a gamble on a high school kid who could potentially play centre for us in the future, and since Andrew Bynum was not eligible for the draft at the time, I wanted Al Jefferson, who has blossomed into a potential 20-10 threat (albeit at PF on bad fucking teams) in the NBA league..

... sigh... if only I could somehow rewrite history with fucking hindsight, and then trade Rasho Nesterovic for Pau Gasol and Juan Navarro to somehow recreate team fucking Spain, then what would we have here?...

... well, we’d have the true Toronto Raptors team of 2008...

... ahem...

C: Andrea Bargnani, Pau Gasol, Kris Humphries
PF: Chris Bosh, Al Jefferson, Jorge Garbajosa
SF: Jason Kapono, Danny Granger, Jamario Moon
SG: Anthony Parker, Carlos Delfino, Juan Navarro
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic

And what? You don’t think a belated Christmas miracle can still happen after BC gets on the phone?...

You know what to do, Bryan Colangelo. You know what to do, goddammit. Make it happen...

Make it fucking happen, or else Boston will steam-roll all over us for the next fucking five years...

... uggh... I don’t think I can take losing to them in the playoffs every fucking season...

C’mon already, rewriting history in Toronto is easy. Just ask Nik Antro-God right about now...

So make it happen. Make it goddam, fucking happen... please?...

... pretty please?...

...

Sports were the one and only thing I truly do remember from the year of 2007. It was the year the Toronto Maple Leafs were laughed out of playoff contention for the second straight time, and it was first year I ever got playoff tickets to Toronto Raptors basketball. Even though the team fell apart at the seams from all the pressure, I’ll never forget the atmosphere in the goddam Air Canada Centre. It was more than just electric, it gave me hope and a renewed sense of purpose for the new goddam season, until the Raptors choke again hard come April 2008...

In the meantime, I can always dream that the Toronto Raptors do possess the dream team that I’ve mentioned up above, if only to combat Detroit and Boston as the top of our conference. Hell, I don’t even think the above line-up is even good enough to take on the Phoenix Suns or the San Antonio Spurs in a seven game series, until the two teams really do start showing the signs of wear and tear of age. But at least, we won’t have to deal with Eric Snow and Larry Hughes fucking over a perfectly good NBA Championship between the Spurs and Lebron James all over again...

So really, besides shitty ass sports, what the hell note-worthy even happened in 2007? And what the hell will goddam happen in 2008 that will actually be worth goddam remembering?...

I’m not sure what I’ll really be up to in the new year, besides eventually siding with HD-DVD against Sony like I always do in format wars, kissing my new Sharp 42" LCD good night every single goddam day, screaming at my TV every single time the Maple Leafs fuck up a play, and hugging my Nintendo Wii solely for NPD sales data and fanboy crow rather than actual goddam games I play...

To be honest, I’ve personally been thinking of getting back into reading novels and books and shit like that lately, considering the only games I have enjoyed this past year were Nintendo DS ones really, like Hotel Dusk and Phoenix Wright, which were both essentially interactive novels with the touch-screen interface and nothing more. Maybe I’m just getting old really, writing on this Tweakui website for the umpteenth time a bloody hell New Year’s update that nobody will ever read, but I just don’t have the patience for long-winded shit anymore..

... much like reading over this very goddam rant of a whine of an update, really...

And with that? I suppose, it’s time to finally bid 2007 a long overdue adieu...

... as I really am getting too old for this goddam shit...

And to you, my two or three overly-devoted, fanboy readers out there?...

... I wish you all a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone...

... and oh, right... a good night, my someone, good night...

I knew the time was coming, the time when even without having to pay for rent, I’m staring at my salary, shaking my head and saying it’s simply not enough. Not for everything I want, at least...

My brother just moved out of the house. It’s been a long time coming, and to be honest, I’m not that choked up about it. We all knew it was coming; hell, I expected it a lot sooner after he lived in university residence for his entire four year tenure at the school. Why the hell would he stay at home with his parents and brother then for more than a year? I was surprised that he even stayed onboard that long, with all the renewed arguments and screaming that comes with the package of moving back in with the parents after four years of virtual freedom...

Anyhew, I’m not here to whine and complain how I miss my brother. That’s an update for anther certain website. What I am here for, is to complain that thanks to him moving out, my wallet is fucking dying on me. Although I admit, it’s not as bad as it could’ve been. He was threatening to take our entertainment room sofas and chairs with him, which would’ve left me furniture shopping. Hell, I may still return home one day and notice that the fucking couch I’ve been using since elementary school is suddenly missing in action. But that’s a nightmare, doomsday scenario that can hopefully wait and await for another day of discussion...

What he did take for starters though, is the goddam LCD HDTV. Now, technically it was his TV as he paid for the entirety of that 42" LG. The thing is though, being the wannabe-videophile that I am, once you go high definition, you just can’t go back. Right now, I’ve hooked back up my old 43" Toshiba Rear Projection, that old 4:3 SDTV piece of fucking crap. Not only is the distinct lack of 16:9 widescreen quite disturbing, but the image quality sucks even more ass to my eyes than it did before my brother bought his HDTV. I’ve been watching 720p HD Satellite feeds on DVI quality for half a year now, and I’ve been playing my Xbox 360 on fucking HDMI for long enough as well. I can’t go back to this 480i resolution bullshit, I just can’t...

... which means, I have no choice but to buy a new fucking television, no matter how much money it sets me back...

I already know what television set I want. It’s the new Sharp Aquos 42" (or 46", if affordable), the 64U model that just came out and is sleek as fucking hell on both the inside and outside. The image quality on that thing is kinda pixelated up close and personal, but when will I ever sit less than two feet away from my fucking television to complain about this shit? As far as I’m concerned, for its price, it’s one of the absolute best 1080p HDTV’s out there, with near impeccable visual and colour quality, minimal overscan issues, great static and dynamic contrast ratios, and all the hook-ups on the back frame that I could ever want. Well, I complain about the saddening lack of a dedicated DVI slot, but why bitch when the set has three HDMI inputs and Monoprice is just an internet click away?...

What I can whine and grate about though, is the fucking price here in Canada. As Best Buy and Future Shop and especially that asshole over at Audio Video 2001 will attest to, the retail price of the Sharp Aquos 42" I want is a frakkin’ $2099 (plus taxes, of course). That’s ridiculous considering the Canadian Dollar is OVER fucking par with the American one now, and that Best Buy in fucking Buffalo is selling the same shit for only $1799 US. The thing is though, buying the TV down there even at that price will push the total cost to something closer to $2000, thanks to duties. So is it really worth the trip to go all the way down south, just to pick up a television where the US warranty is a fucking bitch and a half to maintain here in Canada?...

That’s where the blessed internet comes in. Just a routine search of Amazon.com over in the States shows that the fucking TV I want is just $1377 US. The only problem though, is that Amazon in the US does not fucking ship to Canada. Why the fuck won’t they ship the fucking TV to me, when Amazon here in Canada doesn’t even have a goddam electronics department to compete with? WTF? Even with duties factored in, the Sharp Aquos I want would amount to about $1500, which is still six hundred dollars cheaper than the actual retail price here in Canada. Why the fuck can’t Amazon just ship that motherfucking television to me and call it a day? WTF?...

My only solution at this point? Somebody at work pointed out to me a site known as JR.com (not to be confused with that fat piece of shit from WWE wrestling), a New York based electronics online warehouse that actually does ship to Canada. Over there, the price of the Sharp Aquos 42" is $1499, which is definitely in my price range for a television of that caliber, even with Canadian taxes and duties factored in. Still, do I really want to risk getting a TV shipped between countries (can’t forget about that cost) and not have a real warranty afterwards if anything goes wrong? I may not be a total stickler for a single dead pixel or two, but what happens if the screen looks completely fucked up to me? When you factor in all the extra costs, is $300 or $400 off the Canadian retail price really worth that kind of potential sacrifice? I’m still contemplating the pros and cons of such a decision as I write this thought process out now...

My only real option right now, until the Sharp Aquos I want goes even further down in price, is go to some small time Canadian electronics store (I was recommended to go visit Telecity and other small independent retailers like that) and show them the printed price of the television from JR.com. I can try haggling them down to a compromise of something like $1600 or $1700 CDN, if I’m lucky. I’d take the TV then and there for a price like that, provided I get a valid year warranty with it at least. But what guarantee will I have that I can even begin to bargain for a price drop like that on a brand new TV model from this fucking year? Probability is not in my favour, nor is my complete inability to goddam haggle...

Maybe it might work if I went for last year’s 62U or 72U Sharp models, but fuck, even if the interior components are near identical, this year’s model just looks so much sleeker on the outside than before. And sadly, I look at the black exterior finish far more than what’s on the goddam inside of the television these days...

Like I said, wallet may cry...

... and so are my eyes...

... from watching goddam SDTV resolutions on a shitty ass, rear projection TV all over again...

... my fucking god...

...

A new HDTV isn’t the only expense on my radar at this point in time. Just last week, I picked up a new suit, ironically enough a noname brand one from Tom’s Place after all my whining and complaining about wanting to spend everything I can on my sister’s wedding. It set me back $350 (reduced down from about $600 CDN), and I still need to get proper shoes, a clean shirt, a decent ass tie, and I’ve got to rent (or maybe even buy) an actual tuxedo for the wedding itself. My soon to be brother-in-law offered to pay for all of this, and while by tradition I will have to let him, I kind of want to own these things for myself. Though regardless of who gets their credit card swiped, I still need his guidance and goddam providence to pick out actual good looking shit to wear. My God, I am so fucking colour-blind when it comes to fashion...

I just bought new glasses the other day, taking another $200 from my bank account, although benefits from my company should help pay for that. Besides that, my grandmother’s 90^th birthday just happened, and I helped pay for dinner. And soon, there’s going to be more birthdays and shit like that to shell out money for, especially my own father’s. For a combined birthday and Christmas present, I’m buying him a digital camera, and not one of those cheap ones I bet for less than half a grand. Factor in all those other Christmas presents and dinners I’m going to be buying for everyone else, and that will make me a poor fucking slave this fucking holiday season...

As for the big whammies of extra costs that at least will only happen a few times in a goddam lifetime? This year is my parents’ 30^th wedding anniversary, and without hesitation, I offered to pay for their month long trip to Hong Kong. Ouch, I know, but I’m hoping they go mostly cheap there, and they will probably only make me pay for the plane tickets and possibly hotel (if they don’t always stay with friends) to be fair. Still, I’m just trying to be fair to them, considering they paid for my university costs and tuition for the four and a half fucking years I was stuck at engineering. It’s just that, to spend several thousand dollars on my parents this coming November, only to have to shell out another thousand or two as a wedding present to my sister in January? My fucking God, combine that all with the Christmas season, and suddenly I feel like I’m going goddam broke...

So how the fuck am I supposed to afford the little things I still want in life?...

... of course, that hasn’t stopped me from buying any of it as of late still... go figure...

I finally picked up a DS Lite. Zellers was having a special deal this weekend, where I picked up a Black Onyx DSL for $90 CDN after two separate coupons. Not so bad, me thinks, but considering I still have my old DSPhat, was it really worth it? To be honest, I bought the DS Lite simply because I hated the uncomfortable contours on my old DS while playing Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. Because yes, The Legend of Zelda was yet another cost that I’ve sunk myself deep into lately...

How many new games have I bought in recent weeks? Metroid Prime 3, Bioshock and Halo 3 came for me last month, and so far I’ve picked up The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass for the DS this month. But there are so many other decent games coming down the pipe, or ones I haven’t picked up yet, that are literally making my wallet fucking cry for both mercy and more. For October, I still gotta purchase NBA 2K8, the Half Life Orange Box and the new Phoenix Wright arriving for the Nintendo DS. But after that, in November we’ve got Super Mario Galaxy, Mass Effect and Call of Duty 4, to name just a few of the big hitters. There will be so many fucking titles that I will want to collect, including old PS2 gems like Persona 3 and the new Growlanser, that I will be strangling and force choking myself not to go to the local EBs every single day to pick something up from their BOGO sales as well. Dear fucking God...

At least I didn’t have to buy a new Xbox 360 Premium (with HDMI, of course). My brother took care of that, along with giving me his Bell satellite HDTV receiver (not like I can use it properly right now) in exchange for that old Xbox 360 that I lent him the money for a long time ago. Still, he took the fucking Xbox 360 controllers, leaving me to have to pick them up from Zellers deals and Toys R Us (25% off accessories this weekend). Those fucking wireless pieces of shit are expensive, but are so desperately needed for whenever my old high school friends come over for a good Halo 3 thrashing or co-op bash on weekends now and again. Goddammit...

And the thing is, I haven’t even mentioned my birthday gift to my brother...

... though it really is the same thing I did for him last year, plus a dinner coming soon...

... fuck, it all turns out so damn expensive... wallet am cry, indeed...

But in this case? At least I’m reaping the rewards as well...

...

I bought for my brother Toronto Raptors NBA tickets all over again. He’ll be sharing them amongst his friends, a huge cache and collection of $15 Sprite Zone tickets. Altogether, that’s another $500 on my goddam VISA bill for the month. But in this case, I’m more than happy to take that kind of hit and abuse for the team I love...

Now, I wish I wasn’t out shopping the morning that they first went on sale, since I completely forgot how much of a bandwagon fan city Toronto really is. I didn’t expect all the good games to already be sold out by the time I got back, but gone they were. These included Phoenix (which I don’t mind; until he plays for the Raptors, Steve Nash can kiss my ass), the LA Lakers (pfft... wake me when the Raps trade TJ Ford, Rasho Nesterovic and Joey Graham for Kobe Bryant), and all the goddam Boston Celtics games (goddammit, with Garnett now on the team, THESE were games I wanted to see)...

I missed out on all those, but surprisingly, I still managed to snag Sprite Zone tickets to both New Jersey games (WTF?... people don’t give a shit about the playoffs from last year anymore?), the first Cleveland Cavaliers game, a night against Miami, the battle against Dallas (weird how this one wasn’t sold out...), and the season opener against Philadelphia on Halloween. I’m still kicking myself over missing out on Boston, but that’s a pretty solid selection of Raptors games I already have got going there. And I can easily add in tickets to the Washington Wizards, the New York Knicks and the Milwaukee Bucks anytime I want for now...

... if only my wallet wasn’t bleeding at the seams already...

Hmm, the Milwaukee Bucks. Surprised that they sucked so bad last year, but maybe it had something to do with the Charlie Villanueva for TJ Ford trade? CV is officially at his lowest value possible right now, after an injury-plagued season that made his defence look even more non-existent than it was before. Still, if only it were possible to get him back (and I dunno, Yi Jianlin as filler...) in a trade for Juon Dixon, Maceo Baston and other key star players on the Raptors team? Then I sure as hell wouldn’t be nearly as pissed off about my wallet crying tears of bloodshed as I am now...

Now, if only MLSE would open up their own wallets and goddam hearts to the fans? Then here I give you the true Toronto Raptors line-up for the 2007-2008 season...

... ahem...

C: Andrea Bargnani, Rasho Nesterovic, Al Jefferson
PF: Chris Bosh, Yi Jianlin, Kris Humphries
SF: Charlie Villanueva, Jorge Garbajosa, Joey Graham
SG: Anthony Parker, Jason Kapono, Carlos Delfino
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic

Wait, what’s Al Jefferson doing there? Oh, that’s because Rob Babcock is running the reins over at Minnesota. And after letting Kevin Garnett go for almost nothing in return, he then opted to trade his only valuable asset of Al Jefferson back to the Atlantic Division in return for the ghost of Rafael Araujo. Obviously...

So Bryan Colangelo? You know what to do.

Make it happen.

Make it fucking happen.

And then, only then, maybe when it comes to Toronto Raptors tickets?...

... I’ll let my wallet bleed some more...

...

No matter how little spending power I have left after all I’ve bought in recent weeks and what I’ll have to buy in months to come, I’m still absolutely pumped and thrilled and oh so fucking ready for the October 31^st tip-off to the Toronto Raptors season. In the meantime, I’ll just keep rolling my eyes and shaking my head at just how pathetic the Toronto Maple Leafs were in their losses to Carolina and the Pittsburgh Penguins in the past fucking week. You know, the usual goddam hockey shit around this time of the month every single fucking year...

I’m also still patiently waiting and goddam begging for a promotional raise there at work. To be honest though, I have enough savings in my bank account for non of the above expenses to be considered much of a hit. I just don’t like going into debt for any month in my life though, you know? Sometimes it can’t be helped, but for me and my cheapass personality style, it certainly doesn’t feel good...

And to be honest? Heh, I get the distinct impression that soon I’ll be released from work. But maybe that’s just paranoia talking. Either way, that’s a goddam story for another day...

So until then? My wallet will continue crying, my pant linings will continue bleeding, and the only real pocket change I can spare?...

... is a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...

And oh, a very belated Happy Canadian Thanksgiving...

... a very early, Happy American Thanksgiving, just in case...

And oh, just to celebrate good fucking times?...

And most of all? A Happy 07-07-07 of a goddam coincidence…

The luckiest day of the year? Or the day I finally get lucky? I think not…

It is special for another reason though. Today is my sister’s birthday. Go sister go then, or some shit like that…

We’re not doing much for it. Just a plain ol’ BBQ, really. Though I do dread the sensation I’ll get when I ask her what she actually wants for her birthday. It’ll probably have something to do with her upcoming wedding, which means while I may get to pay the piper in this case later on in life, I’ll be fucking paying in both blood and goddam interest down to the fucking bone…

That’s what family is for, afterall…

… a pound of flesh and the true measure of a man, at the Tuxedo Tailor that is, so to speak…

But besides these little BBQ and Sushi soirees and shit like that of recent years? I have been trying to remember parts of my own past, as to how the fuck I could’ve survived twenty-five fucking years of my own birthday parties and that of my cousins without ever going fucking insane. Seriously, WTF?…

I have officially been part and parcel of one of the dullest, most boring families on the face of the planet. Not that I’m really complaining, but in this case, I guess I sort of am. For twenty five fucking years of my life, twenty four of which I no longer have any real recollection of, what the fuck did I do at all these parties?…

The same old shit, really. Or so I doth recall…

We would always go over to my cousins’ place, or the rest of my relatives would visit my home for my own birthday supper, with the same shit every single fucking year. I have no fucking clue what the parents were doing each and every day, since we children were always restricted to the goddam kiddie tables, but I do remember what we young whippersnappers were forced to endure for the vast majority of hours…

There was Monopoly and Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Remember that shit? I tried to get other board games involved, simply out of boredom, such as Clue and Mouse Trap, but nothing would ever fly. Fuck, it still temps me to this very day, to buy those shit-ass special-edition Monopoly boards, just so I can play with Star Wars money or Star Fleet Federation credits or some shit of geekdom variety like that…

Videogames wise, things just haven’t changed a damn beat either. Back when the NES was around, at my house we played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 as Bad fucking Dudes for God knows how many years, leading to some of my most embarrassing childhood moments might I add. When the SNES finally rolled around, I think it was just TMNT4 and Super Mario Kart go-arounds with go-karts for years on unending, with me playing the odd RPG or two just to wow and awe the geek-filled audience now and again…

When it was finally time for the N64 to step up to plate, I literally remember four fucking years of just goddam Mario Kart 64 and Goldeneye, in which case I kicked so much fucking ass simply because my cousins were too fucking dumbass to ever learn how to strafe or snake. I tried to get them into some of the other multiplayer classics such as F-Zero X and WWF No Mercy, but the kids were always too fucking stupid to even grasp the basic concept of grappling. WTF?…

And with the Nintendo Gamecube / Xbox era, things just didn’t change much. It’s been four years of Super Smash Bros. Melee and Mario Party more or less at my house. And at my cousin’s crib, they have absolutely nothing to play there on their own non-Nintendo systems but goddam Fusion Frenzy and Star Wars LEGO. Sadly, Star Wars LEGO is actually pretty damn entertaining, enough so that it’s been in his Xbox 360 two fucking years now and running. My fucking God…

Nothing ever changes. I’ve literally just rehashed the past twenty five fucking years of my life in terms of family parties in just a few fucking paragraphs, if you add in some Warhammer 40K and LEGO fort shit there in the process as well. Now sure, there were a few LAN parties of Starcraft and Counterstrike, sure there was the odd ripple or two in the space time continuum whenever I played Star Trek or Star Wars card games, and of course in recent years, we’ve taken up the mantle of some kickass balls of fury in terms of fucking goddam ping pong. I guess that’s gotta be worth something, at least…

But really, after twenty five fucking years? It’s still just the same old Nintendo multiplayer games and the same old shit. The more things change, the more things fucking stay the same…

And sadly? Why am I even writing this shit on my sister’s birthday an hour before she and guests arrive?…

It’s because I fucking miss Goldeneye, that’s fucking why…

… and it’s because I’m starting to feel the fucking effects of the goddam quarter life crisis…

… sigh… I’m getting too old for this shit, I guess…

…

Not much has changed in twenty-five fucking years. I’m sure besides the usual mingling and boring ass speeches we’ll get at the party tonight, the only thing I’ll have going for me are goddam sports on television (Toronto FC plays the Chicago Fire on Sportsnet this evening), and the latest goddam shit from Nintendo systems (since they’re the only real company that gives a damn about offline entertainment at parties any longer)…

Yes, I did manage to get my Nintendo Wii. After months and months of searching and coming up completely dry, after being fucked over for the console by Rogers Video and tons of other stores out there, I finally lucked out by just asking some random Blockbuster Video guy if anyone had reserved the one single Wii that they had hidden behind the counter…

… for some fucking reason, nobody fucking did…

And then and there, in the middle of February, I had lucked out and gotten my goddam fucking Nintendo Wii…

… much to the chagrin of each and every single parent in the store, might I add…

The system isn’t bad. It’s not a revolution by any real means, but it is a nice extension and evolution of the path that arcades have followed, or the niche that games like Guitar Hero have carved out for themselves in the industry. Just like back in the ages when everyone wanted SNES because it could reproduce the kickass effects of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, and just like how everyone wanted the PSX at first since it was full 3D like the Tekken and Time Crisis arcades at the time, the Wii really does feel like a new age arcade system…

My Xbox 360, aside from backwards compatibility with the original fucking Halo, was already feeling old and outdated in my eyes. Even the eight hours I spent finishing Gears of War in all of its graphical glory, still felt like an age old, archaic gameplay system that I enjoyed much better in the past when I first finished Freedom Fighters. The Nintendo Wii is far from a true revolution, but at least it offers something that feels a bit different than the previous generation of consoles could provide. And Wii Sports really is the only decent goddam multiplayer game for parties out there these days, in my honest opinion at least…

… so no wonder Nintendo has reclaimed the throne and is currently kicking everyone’s ass and taking fucking names in this generation’s so-called console wars…

It’s ridiculous, the NPD and Japanese numbers for the Nintendo Wii above all the other next gen consoles, that is. While both the Xbox 360 and even the PS3 struggle to make it past the 10K mark in Japan in terms of sales each and every week, the Nintendo Wii routinely sells 70-80K in the same timeframe (which is still nothing compared to the 160-200K that the Nintendo DS somehow manages to shell out in the same time period, but that’s a story for another day). It’s amazing how it’s like every single fucking country in the fucking world just forgot how much they loved Sony in the past, and so quickly jumped on the big ass hump known as the Nintendo Wii bandwagon…

I searched months and months for the system, and it’s ridiculous to hear that in some parts of America (and in some few parts of Toronto) even to this fucking day in July, that there are still line-ups happening in the morning at stores each and every fucking time they get a new Nintendo Wii shipment in. All this from a pack-in game of Wii fucking Sports and a bunch of shit-ass commercials in iPod white? WTF?…

Finally, for the first time in ages, today I saw real Nintendo Wii boxes at a Best Buy on a weekend, when previously since May I could only see them briefly on store shelves on the most remote of weekdays (and before that, never ever in stores period). It’s amazing the kind of momentum that Nintendo has, heading into the E3 show this coming week…

The Xbox 360 had a one year head start on the Nintendo Wii, yet the Nintendo Wii has not only become the fastest selling console of all fucking time (outpacing both the NES and even the mighty PS2), but is just one or two months away from beating out the Xbox 360 for first fucking place in next gen sales worldwide. All this from a console that is literally nothing more than a fucking overclocked Nintendo Gamecube with a brand new outer shell and a Harry Potter waggle-wand for support? WTF?…

There’s still nothing that I care for on the system. I bought Super Paper Mario and was disgusted with it five minutes later, I picked up Resident Evil 4 but haven’t found the urge to play it after beating it twice on the Gamecube before, and it’s not like the launch titles of Red Steel or even Wii Sports have kept me awake at anything but the most boring of parties. Which is why the system, even after all those months I was waiting in frothing anticipation for the goddam console, is laying there on my basement floor bare and lifeless and unconnected to the goddam television itself…

It’s weird how things turn out. I loved the SNES so much back in the day, from classics like Super Mario World, Zelda: A Link to the Past, and Super Mario Kart, even in the early times when I was ridiculed by the mass amount of Sega "Nintendon’t" fans out there (Blast Processing, my ass). Those truly were the golden days of gaming lore, and I still have so many lingering battle scars and cries from that long lost epoch of an era…

I stuck by the N64 even when it was on life-support against the PSX, as titles such as Super Mario 64, Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and Goldeneye were just too damn amazing to ever give up on the system. And even when all the PS2 and Xbox fans were bringing up convincing arguments how Nintendo would go third party after the goddam Gamecube, I still fell in love with Zelda: Wind Waker, Metroid Prime, and Resident Evil 4 on the goddam purple lunch-box…

Yet here we finally have the first Nintendo system since the goddam NES that has a clear numeric superiority over its goddam current generation counterparts…

… and yet it’s just sitting there in my basement, disconnected and unplayed and goddam unloved even in my eternal darkness of a bout of goddam boredom?…

… WTF?…

Is there any real explanation for this?…

Fuck, perhaps so…

… sigh… I guess I’m just getting too old for this shit…

…

There was one other game I have fond memories of playing at so many family parties in the past. NHL ’94 for the SNES really was the best fucking hockey game ever made, as the simple joy of the one-timer in that sole incarnation of the series simply has yet to be surpassed. It also helps that NHL ’94 featured the true glory days of my precious Toronto Maple Leafs. My hero of Doug Gilmour had how many points that season? 127 or something, en route to the Eastern Conference Finals?…

It’s been more than a decade since that long lost golden age of Toronto sports (the beginning of the Toronto Raptors, the grand slam of a World Series victory by the Blue Jays, etc…), and things have just more or less gone downhill from there. In this year of 2007, my expectations for the Toronto Maple Leafs have been at an all-time low. Sure, I watched the vast majority of their games this past season, but the toll of missing the playoffs two years in a row thanks to the GM’s complete inability to function in a salary-capped league of a world, has whittled and worn down even the most die-hard of a fan in me…

… although 07-07-07 must really be a lucky day and a lucky week, because for the first time in ages, I haven’t been disgusted by this team anymore…

Jon Ferguson was able to achieve two good deals this week. After trading away our fucking draft picks for Vesa Toskala a couple weeks ago (a move that wouldn’t have been considered so bad in my eyes except for the fact he wasted our prospect of Rask on Raycroft last year), he signed his new goalie to a two year extension worth about four million a season. If Toskala can even remotely keep up his stellar play from last year, then he is worth far more than the $1.35 million owed to him still next season, and definitely worth four million a year as a top tier goalie. How the fuck did Jon Ferguson actually manage a decent fucking contract, even keeping it short enough so that we get real use out of our new 30-year old net-minder? WTF?…

Then apparently, Ferguson signed Jason Blake of the New York Islanders to a five year deal worth $4-$5 million a year. While I have my reservations of signing an aging playing like him who just happens to be American (which rarely gets over with the crowd here in TO), there’s no doubt in my mind that he is a great offensive minded grinder who is worth that kind of money for now. While I disagree with a five year contract being given to a 30+ year old, it definitely helps that his money is front-loaded and that he’ll be costing us much less down the road…

With rumours still abounding that our GM might be able to trade Kubina away for cap space to sign both Michael Peca and Alexei Yashin to small deals, for once I am absolutely shocked, awed and quite frankly flabbergasted that Ferguson is doing what I consider to be a good job here. If these final potential moves of his pan out, we will for the first time since the golden Gilmour ages be armed with two awesome scoring lines and a damn decent penalty killing group out there on the ice. WTF?…

Fuck, I know the Leafs will forever still be far away from being true contenders. But a team like the one Jon Ferguson is making right now is not only capable of at least winning one fucking playoff series, but definitely still has the youth and cap flexibility to be real competitors for years to come. For once in my lifetime, I actually have to congratulate the goddam asshole on his goddam plan and vision. WTF?…

And for all I know, maybe NHL 2009 too will really become the next great hockey game to come from EA Sports or some shit like that, with the Toronto Maple Leafs finally back on top?…

… or am I just getting that goddam false sense of hope all over again?…

… fuck, I really am getting too old for this shit…

…

I must be going senile as well, since my mind is obviously playing tricks on me. Because it is just me, or in recent days has Jon Ferguson of the fucking goddam Toronto Maple Leafs actually seemingly outshone Bryan Colangelo of the Toronto fucking Raptors? How is this even remotely possible in the grand scheme and natural order of things? WTF?…

But it definitely feels true, considering how disappointed I was in Bryan Colangelo for not getting a single real pick in this year’s NBA Draft. Sure, we managed to waste away our 2008 second rounder on some noname long-shot from Greece, but where were his clever moves to get into the first fucking round? For the second year in a row, Portland showed us up by buying draft picks from that cheapass Sarver in Phoenix, stealing Sergio Rodriguez last year and now Rudy Fernandez from our snatches this year. Hell, Colangelo didn’t even try to go for any of the potential gems leftover in the early second round. WTF?…

And then what is the next move that Bryan Colangelo does, but overpay Jason Kapono of the Miami Heat to sign with the Raptors? Now, don’t get me wrong, I really feel that Kapono is a good fit on this team, not just from his amazing 3-pt field goal percentage to prevent Bosh and Bargnani from consistently getting double-teamed, but his age of 26 years isn’t so old or shabby either…

But seriously, we offered a one-dimensional offensive threat a lengthy contract of almost six million each and every fucking year? How the fuck are we fans supposed to swallow this as some sort of Bryan bargain-basement of a deal when this guy won’t even have the tenacious D to become our goddam SF starter?…

We still have a hole to fill at that spot, and BC wasn’t even able to address that need of ours in the goddam NBA Draft. Now sure, Jason Kapono definitely could’ve helped us beat New Jersey in the first round in terms of matching Bostjan Nachbar shot for shot, but what about after then? How the fuck would this signing ever help us against the Lebron James or the Detroit Pistons of the world, unless Jason suddenly becomes a 20PPG+ scorer? WTF?…

Because if I was Bryan Colangelo? There was a simple set of goddam obvious moves that I would’ve pulled off to improve this team of ours, starting right from the NBA Draft…

First, drug the Miami Heat GM into taking Morris Peterson and Kris Humphries for a signed and traded Jason Kapono, the 20^th pick in the draft, and the filler of Dorrell Wright (…). Then use that fucking first rounder to pick up Marco Belinelli, after dosing the GM of Golden fucking State into an ecstasy coma through an entire war-room of crack and crackling whores, more or less…

Finally, do the even more obvious and easy moves of picking up the unused garbage from other teams around the league, by trading Pape Sow for the long forgotten Pau Gasol, Uros Slokar for that caveman asshole of Dirk Nowitzki, and maybe even sign the human victory cigar of Darko Milicic to the LLE…

And then what do you have, but the Toronto Raptors’ true contender of a team in 2007-2008…

… ahem…

C: Dirk Nowitzki, Pau Gasol, Darko Milicic
PF: Chris Bosh, Jorge Garbajosa, Joey Graham
SF: Andrea Bargnani, Jason Kapono, Dorrell Wright
SG: Anthony Parker, Marco Belinelli, Carlos Delfino
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic

… or at least, that’s the team I’ll be having and using in NBA 2K8…

Either way, I don’t see any goddam reason why we can’t have that as our real fucking team in this goddam city of ours…

So Bryan Colangelo? Make it happen…

How hard could it be? How hard could it possibly fucking be?

BC, make it happen.

Make it fucking happen…

Or I fear, if the Raptors once again fail to get past the first fucking round of the playoffs, after having screwed their future by fucking themselves over in one of the deepest NBA drafts in goddam history?…

… then yeah, maybe I will be getting too old for this shit…

…

Bah, just from the tone and topic of this goddam useless Tweakui update of mine, you two remaining readers out there can easily deduce that I really have nothing better to talk about. There simply is nothing of interest going on in my life, with the Toronto Maple Leafs and Raptors nothing more than distant memories until October finally rolls around again…

Summer has been a bore of a chore for me. Has there been really anything for me to do? I keep thinking I should pick up a new hobby or something, only to find that I really have no ambition in life. My only goal right now is to find the urge to set for myself a goddam actual goal, yet I’m too fucking lazy of a procrastinator to even pull that kind of shit off. Can’t even purge myself off of this goddam cheapass seat of mine, really…

Then again, thinking back to the way things were and always have been, since when have I ever had an exciting summer worthy of note in my lifetime? It’s been twenty-five fucking years of boredom and shit, more or less, the only difference being I now have money thanks to being stuck in a job that I wish I was skipping for a goddam summer vacation…

… a vacation where I too, just like I am now, would be sitting on my ass doing nothing but writing the same old shit…

Because the more things change, alas, the more things stay the same.

… and ay and alack, there lies the goddam fucking rub…

Twenty-five years. Twenty-five fucking years later, I finally encounter the one and only true time there will ever be in my goddam lifetime, to find out just how lucky of a date 07-07-07 really is…

… yet I waste it all on a gas shortage, a flock of seagulls, and as always, the same old shit…

And with that, I bid thee two remaining readers a long lost and nostalgic adieu…

… and the things I do for Father’s Day, apparently…

It doesn’t happen every year, but more or less for almost every Father’s Day, I accompany my parents to the Dragon Boat races at Centre Island here in Toronto. There’s absolutely nothing to do there unless a) you’re a five year old enamored with running around the giant green maze, or b) you’re a Chinese FOB who’s absolutely obsessed with taking pictures of the most useless goddam things…

Some things just never change. At Centre Island this year, my brother and I ran into an Australian visiting couple who wanted us to take their picture. We gladly obliged and soon started chatting them up about tourism and their travels and shit like that. But that’s when my mother barged in with her goddam camera, asking the Aussie couple to take a picture of our fucking own family with the goddam CN Tower and Ferry in view.

Naturally, after that pointless photo (and several more) were taken, the Australian couple started discussing with us about where we’re from and where we’re visiting, being talked to by foreigners like I’m a goddam tourist myself. God, it’s so fucking embarrassing to admit that you actually live in fucking Toronto after all the shit that my mother just pulled. But still, even so, I know it’s just that taking pictures for goddam novelty runs in the fucking Chinese blood. Why though, why? WTF?…

There’s absolutely nothing to do over at Centre Island for a person like me. My dad desires to go every single year because of the Dragon Boat races, the stuff he loved as a kid before he became smart enough to realize just how pointless that traditional shit is. There is absolutely nothing to do while watching random shit teams from the University of Waterloo and Toronto duke it out on the lake, as quite honestly, Dragon Boat racing is the Chinese equivalent of goddam NASCAR racing. You only have something to watch and cheer for once every fucking go-around. The difference here is that it takes about fifteen fucking minutes for the boats to fucking return to where we fucking are. Slow as fucking molasses. WTF?…

Besides the shitty overpriced food, there’s only one thing I actually enjoy about my annual trip to Centre Island here in Toronto. Because in order to even get there, now that the bridge idea was nixed by the municipal government and fickle voters, you need to take a Ferry. Now, these ferries are older than my fucking grandmother and they for certain don’t have nearly enough life jackets on board in case the fucking thing shits and sinks (like the one in Long Island). But yet, I dunno, maybe it’s just blind and rose-coloured nostalgia? But I happen to actually enjoy the ferry rides to and fro from that noname island in the middle of nowhere…

Afterall, it’s really the only time of year when I can officially say I’m "fresh off the boat"…

Well, no matter how I feel about all this shit, I still do go to Centre Island by choice. It’s one of those few random things each year that you do for family, that makes you feel like a kid again. Sort of like Christmas, only with shitty ass lawn chairs covered in Chinese sweat instead of egg nog and presents. It’s what my dad wants to do every year, to spend time with my brother and I, so that’s what we did this year. And at least sitting there on my ass doing nothing was still more productive in comparison to my usual sitting on the ass here at home…

… sigh… the things you do for family sometimes…

…

On the way home, as we were traveling on the QEW highway en route to a restaurant of my father’s choosing, we passed by Exhibition Stadium and saw the new BMO field in full glory. It belongs to MLSE more or less, the same company that owns the Toronto Maple Leafs and Toronto Raptors. And that stadium, fucked up with Astroturf that it is, is now the official home of the Toronto FC…

… I just never thought in a million years that a shitty ass team like theirs could become so damn beloved in this hockey of a hogtown city, that’s all…

Now, Major League Soccer is a shitty ass league. It’s embarrassing how Toronto FC has basically just signed a couple of dejected free agents from overseas to inch closer and closer to a fucking playoff spot. We’re a fucking expansion team; it’s embarrassing how we actually have a chance to make it past the first fucking round of the playoffs. WTF kind of shit league is this? WTF?…

Yet the fickle mob here in Toronto really has taken a liking and loving to that good ol’ football club. There are tons of soccer fans here, from England and Italy and Spain and whatnot, and it seems they don’t give a shit about the quality of the game they’re watching. Guess it’s like how so many morons here live and die free for the battles between the Toronto Argonauts and the Hamilton Tigercats. Doesn’t matter how shit of a football league the CFL is; people just give a shit anyhew. WTF?…

The crowd here in Toronto is a foobar, fake English-copy at best, but I gotta admit that they make matches exciting to watch. Even for a shit league, it’s amazing to witness twenty thousand plus fans all chanting and singing along with whatever crap songs get passed around the internet. Our team here always plays well at home, and for a damn good reason. As much as I have a complete disinterest in soccer, even I’m contemplating going to a Toronto FC game, if only to experience the atmosphere they have there.

And I admit too, that even as piss poor of a team that Toronto FC is compared to the premier leagues in the world? They’re not so boring of a team to watch in terms of the MLS, or what we get here in North America at least. If anything, the owners definitely do keep things interesting with a tirade of trades here, for better or for worse…

Our forwards consist of Danny Dichio, Jeff Cunningham, and now Collin Samuel, all three of which would suck shit anywhere else in the world but have found a nice niche here in Canada. And hell, not that I’d know really, but apparently Carl Robinson and O’Brien aren’t that damn bad on this team as well. Our defence corps isn’t even that damn horrendous by MLS standards apparently, with guys like Wynne and Marshall now backing us up, not to mention the fact that TFC fans were only half-mockingly chanting "MVP" the first time Sutton here made a save. And our future doesn’t look that damn shameful either, as both Maurice Edu and Lombardo have shown flashes of being at least somewhat decent, even by international standards perhaps, if properly developed that is…

Now sure, management is trading away most of our young talent away for old farts, as if we were talking about the Toronto fucking Maple Leafs here. But in a shitty ass league where just signing the goddam unemployed, usual suspects from Europe is a sure-fire way to make the playoffs? Then who the fuck cares about youth and the draft? Get us the fucking championship every fucking year through noname free agents, and then this city will be shitting with raucous energy every fucking goddam night…

… even for the fucking MLSE in the fucking MLS…

… sigh… the things that some people do for football...

…

Speaking of MLSE though, while I don’t particularly mind their trigger-happiness in the land of Toronto FC, what the fuck is Jon Ferguson thinking when it comes to the Toronto Maple Leafs? WTF?…

Did I hear right, that they traded away THREE of our fucking draft picks (including our first and second round picks this year), for a 30-year old backup goalie and a young guy who completely flopped and failed Antropov style in San Jose? I know that we need a goalie to fill the void until Justin Pogge can take the reins, but seriously, wasn’t that why we gave away our most promising prospect of Rask last year for goddam fucking Raycroft? And now we’ve done the same sort of shit again? WTF?…

I don’t get the management here at MLSE for the Maple Leafs, I really don’t. It’s so fucking sad how narrow-minded they all are, trying to just make the playoffs each year (and failing miserably, might I add) instead of properly rebuilding around a strong youth corps through the draft. If teams like San Jose in the past, and even Nashville now could do it, then why the fuck won’t the Maple Leafs ever give rebuilding a chance? WTF?…

And speaking of Nashville?… if there is any fucking organization out there even more moronic than the Toronto Maple Leafs, it’s the fucking goddam NHL run by Gary fucking Bettman…

My fucking God, what the fuck is his problem? He screwed RIM CEO Balsillie when it came to the purchase of the Pittsburgh Penguins, thanks to some ridiculous seven year rule of no relocation, but at least I can somewhat see his point of view there. Pittsburgh has had Stanley Cups thanks to one of the Top 10 players of all time in hockey, so there’s some history there in the city, even if there is no real interest any longer…

But Nashville? Fucking Nashville? Where the fuck is the hockey love and history there? Why the fuck is the NHL refusing to let Balsillie pay almost TWICE the market value for Nashville and move the team to Ontario? The Hamilton Predators would be an awesome rival for the Leafs, so yes, of course I know that the greedy sons of bitches at MLSE have some blood on their hands here as well in the decision.

But ultimately, it’s up to the NHL to decide to let this buy-out go through. Yet Gary fucking Bettman, as fucking obsessed with conquering America as he is, is refusing to let the team go anywhere but Kansas fucking City…

Kansas fucking City? Say again? WTF?…

Gary fucking Bettman is certifiably insane. You want proof? How can any sane man honestly have believed that ice hockey could prosper in Phoenix, Arizona? Why the fuck would any football fan in Nashville give a fuck about a goddam hockey team? And how in the blue hell could Gary fucking Bettman still believe a team in Kansas fucking City would do better than one in the crazy GTA region here in Canada? WTF?…

Nobody here near Toronto and Hamilton could really get behind the Ottawa Senators’ push into the Stanley Cup finals. Don’t ask me why, but somehow ironically for a team in our country’s capital city, I had complete disdain and disinterest in their march over the penguins. But literally everyone here in the most populous (and important) part of Canada is rooting on Balsillie in his holy quest for the goddam Stanley Cup…

All I ask for are NHL teams back in fucking Winnipeg and Quebec City, along with a fucking real team for the people here in the GTA. Is that too fucking much to goddam ask for? WTF?…

… fuck Gary Bettman…

… sigh… the things that some people do out of greed and insanity…

… my fucking God…

…

Strangely enough, the outrage over the Toronto Maple Leafs not making the playoffs for the second year in a row was muted. And you can thank the basketball god of Bryan Colangelo for that, quite honestly…

Who would have ever thought that he could pull off magic and a lightning strike with the Toronto Raptors after we sucked so fucking bad last year? He didn’t even bring in many good new players, sans maybe Anthony Parker who became our real glue guy. It’s all about chemistry apparently, and even having Uros Slokar here as the smiling bench warmer seemed to turn our team around…

Colangelo definitely lucked out with Jose Calderon becoming one of the premier pass-first point guards in the league (though he has a long way of getting to be a top tier PG period), not to mention the gold mine of getting Andrea Bargnani with the first overall selection in the draft. Jorge Garbajosa contributed more than I thought he would, and it certainly helped that TJ Ford remained healthy for the most part for the entire year as well...

… what a lucky son of a bitch…

And it all led to our first ever playoffs in God knows how many years for the Toronto Raptors. I was shocked that we got ourselves a 47-win season, but alas, I was shocked again when we couldn’t get past the first fucking round. It’s not like it was completely our team make-up’s fault, even though we just didn’t have the perimeter defence to guard a revitalized Jason Kidd who could somehow nail every fucking three point shot that he took.

It wasn’t our fault we lost Jose Garbajosa to garbage time, or Andrea Bargnani to an appendicitis. Though of course, I sure as hell wish that Bosh didn’t look like a clear deer in the headlights the whole goddam New Jersey series. But considering he was constantly double-teamed and roughed up without any help from his teammates at all, I’m willing to give him some slack for this year at least…

The thing is, what about next year? This is the first season where the Toronto Raptors don’t have even a single fucking draft pick. Or at least, not until Bryan Colangelo works his mafia magic once again…

And as a result? Goddammit, I feel so damn naked. As a Toronto Raptors fan who followed them throughout their horrible years of misery, the NBA Draft was the only thing I ever had to look forward to. It led to some dismal misfortunes in Rafael Araujo and perhaps Joey fucking Graham, but it’s surprises like Charlie Villanueva and Andrea Bargnani that just always made this time of the year so damn special and cult-like to me…

Honestly? As bizarre as this sounds to say, I would’ve preferred a high draft pick here than the fucking first round exit we got from the playoffs to Vince fucking Carter. As a Toronto Raptors fan, I live and die for the draft. I feel so fucking naked right now without a pick in this year’s lottery, goddammit…

… well, until Colangelo works his magic once more, like I said…

Because once he does? Well, if I was him, what would my personal master plan be?…

First, trade TJ Ford to Atlanta for Josh Smith and the 11^th pick. Then out of pure cheapness, the Atlanta owner will just randomly waive TJ into limbo, and we pick him back up for free. Conceivable, no?…

Then we trade Rasho Nesterovic, Morris Peterson, Pape Sow, Juon Dixon, the 11^th pick in the draft, and maybe a big IOU card to the LA Lakers for Kobe fucking Bryant. As much as I hate the man, his stay here in Toronto next to Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani would be legendary at worst, Jordan-esque at best. All reasonable, no?…

Lastly, we buy a mid-first rounder pick from a dumbass GM to get Julian Wright and maybe an early second rounder to get Tiago Splitter off the table (I wish). We then focus our MLE in picking up our own human victory cigar of Darko Milicic (using voodoo on Orlando in the process to not match the deal), and then you have a perfectly capable team through just three or four completely realistic trades. No?…

So here you have it, I give you the Toronto Raptors championship team of 2007-2008…

… ahem…

C: Andrea Bargnani, Darko Milicic, Tiago Splitter
PF: Chris Bosh, Jorge Garbajosa, Kris Humphries
SF: Josh Smith, Julian Wright, Joey Graham
SG: Kobe Bryant, Anthony Parker, Carlos Delfino
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic

And what? You don’t think that this can all happen on goddam draft day?

Fuck you then. Bryan Colangelo is a god. He’ll get it all done, done in a snap of the flame alchemist fingers.

BC, make it happen.

I know you can. Fuck, I know you will.

Make it fucking happen.

And why? Because Toronto Raptors fans, we indeed are his family.

Plus, we’ll kick his ass if we suck Raptors dick this year…

… ah, yes… the things we do for family…

… and our sports…

…

I still remember it clearly as daylight, or twilight really. The Toronto Raptors were in the first round of the playoffs, home-court advantage to boot, and I had failed miserably in my attempts to get tickets to Games 1 and 2. I was just sitting there at my computer at work, watching the seconds tick down until the very moment that tickets for Game 5 would go on sale…

I had a game plan, a real play that would knock the socks off of any NBA coach. I knew exactly from experience how the search engine on Toronto’s ticketmaster worked, that if I actually chose Sprite Zone tickets in my query, that I’d actually get a placement reserve sooner than with any other way. And how the fuck can I ever resist the allure of playoff tickets for just fifteen fucking dollars each? How the fuck can anyone? WTF?…

And I got them. Just four fucking tickets, but being so damn quick on the buzzer, I got them…

… which resulted in loss and heartache in some respects, but that’s a story for another day…

The end result though, was that I did go to Game 5 of the NBA playoffs. The atmosphere there was astounding, with massive chants of "Jose, Jose" and "Let’s Go Raptors – VC Sucks". Watching the game again off of taped television, we were fucking monsters with our cheers and voices on nearly every single play. Weirdly enough, being so high up in the nose-bleed section, it didn’t sound nearly that loud to my brother and I. But whatever, it was still an amazing atmosphere to behold, and an experience I would never want to replace…

… ‘cause I got them… victory was mine… I got four fucking tickets…

… kept only one for myself though… the other three went to my brother…

It was a great night. Just wish it could’ve been better…

… Go Raptors Go… oh, who am I kidding?…

But he had a great time. Him and his friends. It was an overall amazing experience.

And I was the one who got the tickets. My hands were sweaty, consumed and possessed with ambition for the first time in goddam years, but I got them…

… not for me… not just for me, but quite honestly for him…

… ah, yes… the things I do for the Toronto Raptors…