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Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 Y2kk Update: Happy Canada Day to my two readers out there, and of course Happy Early Fourth of July as well. When it comes to my Tweakui website, I know I’ve been a complete lazy ass in terms of updates for the past couple of years, this year especially. But whenever it comes to Christmas or whenever it comes to Canada Day, I always take the time to say hello to you two readers out there, and to genuinely reflect on where I am and who I’ve become in life. And the sad state of affairs is, I’ve gone absolutely nowhere and grown not a single bit since I last wrote on this webpage of mine. Last November, I lost my job and I’ve been looking for the right direction in life ever since. I’ve been to a lot of interviews over the past seven months, and four of them definitely spring first thing to mind... Back in January, I interviewed for a small dotcom firm in downtown Toronto. I forget what they’re called and I forget what they even do in the industry. All I do remember was that the HR Manager there who brought me in for the interview was very friendly, even going so far as to help me with my wool jacket at the time. We talked about a bunch of meaningless crap like Mats Sundin leaving the Maple Leafs and the Toronto Raptors failing at existence yet again. I actually did well when it came to all the behavioural questions, and I always get the same comments as I always do from every HR manager I ever interview with at a computer corporation, that I seem like a "great fit" and that I’m the kind of guy who would work well with the team that they have assembled there. I always get those comments, I always hear those compliments, but it’s the second half of the interview that always goes wrong... It wasn’t long until the HR Manager delivered me to the technical lead of the company, and goddammit, he certainly pulled no punches when all was said and done. Without barely an introduction and an exchange of pleasantries, he got down straight to business. The first order of the day was for me to take a marker and write on the board a sample of programming pseudocode. I forget what the question was exactly, but I remember it dealt with checking for the letter "e" in an array of strings or some crap like that, requiring a For Loop and String.Contains at bare minimum... Because I’m actually not that embarrassingly bad at generic programming and pseudocode on paper, I actually finished the question rather quickly and felt kind of smug with myself soon after. Bad mistake though, as that’s when the real questions started flying. He started asking why I had programmed it the way I did, how I can improve it, how could I modularize it, and all that other software maintenance and documentation crap. I had to justify why I used a built-in Java library, I had to try to program it two other ways for increased efficiency, and I had to go into all the details of how I would design both unit and characterization tests to make sure my function keeps working if new parameters need to be added in the future. It was the toughest pseudocode question I’ve ever dealt with, and you know what made me proud in the end? I think I actually handled it well. Bad mistake again though, I’m afraid... When the pseudocode was over, that’s when the real technical interview began. He immediately started asking me questions about Agile Software Development and how it helps Object Oriented Programming. I actually have a lot of experience with that, so I went through the usual talk of morning scrum meetings, short iteration cycles and the Spiral Model in terms of functional requirements gathering. That was good, that was all fine, until I made the mistake of first mentioning that I have both Java and .NET experience, and then also brought up the subject of goddam databases. Seeing how technical of a guy he was, I guess I really should’ve known better... For Java, he started getting into more technical details, asking about a lot of libraries and a lot of the newer functionality in the language, such as Generics which were added just a few years ago. Already I was starting to get lost, and that’s when he started on the .NET side of things, talking about assemblies and asking about all the differences between Java and .NET, to the point where I barely even remembered where I was anymore. Then he decided to push me even further, demanding me to explain to him how synchronization in Java works and how to resolve issues with deadlock when they arise with SQL Server. It’s not like I haven’t learned or heard about all this stuff before, but to suddenly be asked about it all on the spot and to explain it all with words and then flow chart diagrams in an interview you never expected to be this damn hard and burning in the goddam spotlight? WTF?... Suffice to say, I didn’t get the job. Things went from bad to worse when he started discussing programming books and blogs online that he and his colleagues frequent, and then basically made me out to look like the complete uniformed tool when I didn’t know about half of the authors he was talking about in the end. It was a clear and clinical beat-down of my skills and pride, and I understand why he did it, considering one can argue the lost art of the interview is to make a person cry and beg for mercy until you realize what they truly have deep down inside... Unfortunately for me this time around, this wasn’t actually a personality test. It was simply his brutish style to be as blunt and critical and goddam bastard-like as possible. He flat out told me that I don’t have the skills required, that I need more Java knowledge and .NET experience before I can even begin to interview for this job again, and that I need to stay a lot more informed on the current state of the industry with books and blogs before I should even think about interviewing at any real company in this day and age. He did however give me one compliment, that I did alright with the pseudocode part. He said it showed that I do have some intellect to learn with, but I’ve wasted all my potential and not developed my skills one damn bit. And ouch, wow, certainly harsh criticisms that nagged at my gut for a very long time, but I simply just shrugged it off and took it on the chin while I was there. What else was I supposed to do, afterall? Argue for a job at a place that was already making me feel like goddam utter shit? WTF?... That interview was perhaps the hardest actual interview I’ve ever had in my life. Obviously, I wish I had gone in there more prepared in terms of optimizing SQL queries and writing watchdog semaphore programs in goddam Java. But at the same time, while I abhor that man who interviewed me for basically making me out to be a goddam idiot, I still have to thank him and the company for at least opening my eyes. While back in the glory days of computing, one could basically get a development job by simply being a competent programmer with a decent degree of education, I guess that’s simply not the truth anymore. As the interviewer told me straight to my eyes, it’s a "buyer’s market out there" during this goddam recession, and that I need to rise to the top of the pack if I ever want a chance at a career in the industry again. He warned me that if I wait too long to hone my skills, the time gap on my resume will simply become too large for HR to ignore, and if I don’t actually read and learn everything I can about the new age of software development, no real company would accept me when so many better workers have been laid off from big time companies over the past few months. It was a wake-up call alright, with the hardest but most honest interview I’ve ever been to in my life. I swore to learn from that experience, and in many ways I did.... ... just not enough ways, apparently, otherwise I still wouldn’t be goddam unemployed to this very day... I’ve had plenty of interviews over the past six months. I’ve had one at a big bank, I had a couple with Yahoo Canada before they went down under, and I even got a job offer from a small firm in the city of Hamilton (a job offer I turned down thanks to pressure from that goddam big bank, which all lead to me earning absolutely nothing in the end). I’ve definitely had my fair share of experiences, both good and bad, most of which I’ve already written about on my download website. But the next actual memorable interview that comes straight to my mind, for better or for worse, was the one I had at a rather large hospital, also in the city of Hamilton. It was at some sort of research centre for dermatology I think, I already forget the details actually. I would’ve had to work directly with MD’s and PhD’s as my clients, and I was actually excited at the prospect of being at a place that could potentially help the world. While that first company back in January was simply yet another Web 2.0 dotcom firm, this Hamilton Hospital was actually trying to help the planet in a positive way and I honestly really wanted to be a part and contribute to that... Ha, I guess I felt that way until I met the man in charge of the development team at least. Right from the start, I knew something was wrong with the way he just goddam stared in horror at me. I’m not going to flat out guess that he was a racist or anything (I am of Chinese heritage), but in all honesty he definitely did seem suspicious of me at first. I can’t say I have any evidence to back my feelings up on this matter either, though I was hard pressed to find any East Asians in his development team from what I saw. Either way, short story short, I just knew from that first hand shake that something wasn’t right, that he simply did not like me for whatever goddam reason he may have had. It may not have been about the colour of my skin, but that first impression I gave him never really seemed to leave the interview room. He just didn’t like me for whatever goddam reason, and he definitely proved it later on... The interview itself though went great. Thanks to that tough as nails January interview I had to go through, I pretty much was able to answer any technical question that this hospital interviewer had in mind. Whether we were talking about Decorator design patterns or the unsafe keyword in C#, I actually thought I did exceptionally well when responding to all his programming questions. I did get stumped on one part, when he was specifically asking about Reflections in .NET coding, but it was just one single question in a half hour interview. I actually left that hospital feeling good and rather proud of myself. For the first interview in a long while, I actually felt like I knew my stuff... It wasn’t just the technical stuff that I answered well at. It was also the behavioural questions that I really felt I excelled at, enough so that I felt this was personally the best interview I had ever participated in. Something just felt off though, the way he looked at me just didn’t feel right when I was giving my answers. I don’t know, maybe he thought I was being fake or phony something, but I believed I objectively and rather honestly answered all his queries well and I especially sounded very learned and experienced with the Agile Software Development practices that he wanted to start implementing with his team. To be honest, after the interview, I thought I was the perfect candidate for this job and I actually believed I was a real good fit with both the team and the work environment. Still, I left that hospital with a nagging feeling in my chest that something wasn’t right, that for some damn reason, the man interviewing me simply did not like me for whatever goddam excuse. I was hoping I was wrong, I was praying that I was just being paranoid, but my gut feeling always seems to find a way to turn out goddam right... It wasn’t long until I got a message back from the recruiter who had recommended me to this hospital developer, and the news he gave was certainly not good. As the pits of my gut had goddam predicted, the interviewer had turned my application down, not even with the chance at a second interview in front of a panel of MD’s and PhD’s. I asked the recruiter what was the issue, I wanted to know why I wasn’t the ideal candidate for this job. And after a short blurb of pulling at his teeth, he simply shrugged his shoulders and revealed to me the reason why. He had asked the interviewer if I had failed at the technical side of things, only to be told that I had all the programming skills and knowledge necessary for this job. The recruiter then had asked him if it was my personality that he didn’t like, and the interviewer claimed that I had answered all the behavioural questions perfectly, or so he claimed... Completely confused and bewildered, the recruiter then succinctly and blatantly asked the interviewer why he didn’t like me, and you know what the guy replied in return? He simply shrugged his own shoulders apparently, reported that I was "not the right fit" for the position, then hung up the phone. Heh, I know the recruiter could have just been making this shit up, but I believed him and his story simply because that’s the exact same impression I was left with the moment I shook the interviewer’s hand. He honestly seemed afraid that I was a great candidate, he honestly seemed terrified that if I was given a second interview in front of the panel of PhD’s that they would love me, and so he shot me down when he still had the chance before anyone else had a say, so that I would never have the real opportunity to join his team. Now, I don’t know what his reasoning was, whether he felt I was phony or maybe he was holding the job for a friend or something. All I do know is that from the very first second he saw me and shook my hand before the interview had even started, he had decided that I was not the guy for the job, and I couldn’t help but laugh how right my gut feelings were in the end. I was done a favour; why would I ever want to work for him?... The next interview fresh in my mind was also conducted by a goddam asshole, although I guess he was one in a completely different way. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped into a little townhouse for a job interview in Brampton, a city just north of where I live. The place was cozy and the people working there seemed friendly. Alas, the man interviewing me certainly was anything but. When I asked him about the job and what he was hiring for, you know what the reason he gave me was? Apparently, he had just been hired himself one or two months earlier, and already he felt that he had to clean house. I don’t know why he told me all this, but he suddenly went on a rant how he felt all the current workers there were lazy and useless and completely out of date on current programming knowledge. He admitted that they were all excellent with the software IDE they had designed, but they knew nothing about where XML and .NET had gone over the past couple of years. He told me flat out straight to my face that he was looking for "more technical employees" and that he wanted to replace everyone in the office? WTF?... Umm, okay? I had no idea why he was being so honest with me, or why he would ever admit any of this to an interviewee, but it sounds like he was hired to clean house and move the company in a new direction and that was exactly what he wanted to achieve. He started off by asking me a bunch of behavioural questions, all of which I answered quite well as I normally do. That spawned yet another rant from him, how I sound like many of the old workers there, as in good with clients and teamwork but not actually at the hard technical stuff. Sure, I nodded my head at him in pseudo-agreement, but in the back of my mind I was thinking what the hell is this guy smoking? Isn’t having an office full of competent workers who all get along with one another, and all having the social skills and personalities to be successful with clients and consumers, the goddam Holy Grail for software development hiring? He admitted that they were all well versed and experienced with the technology they currently have at the company, and yet he wants to fire them all and replace them with a bunch of social bigots just like he is? Seriously, WTF?... He seemed to like me though, if only because I was nodding my head as if I didn’t think he was going to take a sub-machine gun and rip apart his goddam office. That’s when he gave me his technical test though, the one he claimed over the phone was so "easy" that if I have to prepare for it, then I don’t deserve the job. Well, I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t get the job then with this Office Nazi, because his test was much harder than I anticipated. It wasn’t just a bunch of generic pseudocode and SQL queries like he originally had claimed. It actually had a lot of questions on CSS syntax (without the help of an internet reference guide), XML schema formatting, and goddam SQL Server normalization bullshit. It wasn’t the most brutal test I had been through, considering I got through most of the questions just fine. But as soon as he took a look at my paper while "grading" it and saw that I had to leave a few questions blank? He literally both laughed and shook his head at me, then brazenly started walking me through what the answers should have been, humming and whistling during it all like he was some goddam serial killer. WTF?... Suffice to say, I didn’t get the job at that Brampton townhouse location, and I certainly felt bad how everyone else in that office would soon be losing theirs. The Office Nazi that interviewed me was insane, absolutely crazy nuts in the fucking head, and I was almost tempted to actually tell his employees the truth of what was going on until I realized he would probably cannibalize my damn face if I did. In the end, he simply shook my hand and told me that I was not technical enough for the job. I was surprised he didn’t lecture me, how I was an idiot from the ghettos like the rest of his current team or something, but I assume he simply didn’t want to bother wasting precious time and effort in talking to a lower being than him on the programming food chain. I was one of them now in his eyes, afterall... In the end, I really didn’t want this Brampton job. I would’ve never wanted to work for a manager as stuck up as he was throughout the whole damn interview, just like I didn’t care for that small downtown dotcom firm that fucked me up the ass with their interview questions. For all three of the interviews I’ve mentioned in this update so far, the managers in each of them have proven to me that they’re not worth my time or my soul in working for them for anything less than a million fucking dollars. If I take a job, I want a worthwhile place to exist for 8 hours of the day.. And when it comes to this fourth and final interview on my list, this one being in Toronto where I had my second interview just yesterday? At first, I felt the exact same caution and apprehension about it as I did all three of those wretched, prior interviews I’ve already mentioned up above. I was nervous, I was scared, and I was disgusted. This was an advertising firm, and at this fourth interview of a hipster and trendy place, I thought the work environment was completely wrong for me, considering all the managers I saw were hot MILF women who actually bring their dogs to work every single day and sip wine in the afternoon. I thought I would never fit in at a place like this, where "Sarah the Secretary" in her short-skirt mini-dress was perhaps the hottest receptionist I had ever witnessed in my life, and where the good-looking artists and front-end designers in the open concept cubicles all dressed like they were straight out of the goddam movies. I was also intimidated by this office because the technical manager who interviewed me here last Thursday admitted straight to my face that this was truly a high octane environment, where the advertising season in the holiday months becomes so hectic that I’ll be working overtime every single night... I was worried about this place, I honestly was. When I left that first interview, the manager there had honestly told me that thanks to my relaxed personality and my Agile Software Development experience, that if I do well on the technical test I had yesterday, he would actually hand me a job offer right then and there on the spot. And because of that, because of my sheer laziness and the goddam drama of trauma from my last job, I became terrified of working again in a place where I would have to pretend to be someone I’m simply not every day of week, in order to fit in with all the highly social coworkers and managers and goddam clients. And I sadly admit, thoughts started to slip in and out and back into my head again, of what if I simply bombed this test on purpose? What if I don’t actually try my hardest, what if I simply fail without regard and return back to my life of searching for a job that fits me best?... But over the course of the weekend, I realized I would never forgive myself if I did such a thing. I realized that it was time to stop hiding, and time to start growing up in my life for goddam once. I mean seriously, they were offering me a 60K salary, three weeks vacation, and an opportunity to pad my resume with technologies such as Java, .NET and PHP. The job description itself sounded fantastic, the location in downtown Toronto was absolutely perfect for the commute, the secretary was certainly easy on the eyes, and it’s not like I haven’t survived in a similar type of work environment before. Why should I let my fears of working in a busy and trendy office space dictate whether I throw in the goddam towel or not? It’s been seven months now since I lost my goddam job. It’s time I achieved something in my life again, and I knew I had to do my best to earn this or else I would never live it down... I guess though, that was the problem. I did try my best, and I did actually think I did well, which is why my pride was so hurt and I felt so goddam disappointed in the end. The technical test itself consisted of an hour with Visual Studio .NET and SQL Server 2008, in which case I had to create a simple validation form and then connect it to a database to update a couple of joined tables of tweets, then refresh a .NET GridView with the DataSet. That was it really, it’s all stuff I’ve done before when I worked with C# and web services at the government, and I actually thought I did it well. Sure, I was out of practice since I haven’t used .NET in the workplace for two years now, but I completed the technical test and I thought I did it well, to the point where I was even panicking that I’d be offered a full time opportunity as soon as that manager walked through the door again. I was so confident and paranoid that I would get this job, that it never once fucking occurred to me that I couldn’t have been more fucking wrong... Because wow, seriously, what followed was certainly an embarrassing and epic beat-down by that guy in charge, enough so that maybe yesterday turned out to be the most painful interview process I’ve ever been forced to endure. It was insulting enough that I had to do a hands-on test, but to literally be insulted after about all my work? WTF? As soon as he waltzed through that door and took a look at my code, I knew something was wrong, and the non-stop criticism for the next fucking half hour was certainly proof of that. Sure, I had completed the required tasks at hand, but apparently the point of this test was more about the "art" of programming than anything else. I had used my own simple validation on the forms rather than regular expression controls, I had connected straight to the database using ADO rather than creating the proper module object that he wanted, I didn’t have enough time to properly document all my functions, and he tore me apart for how inefficient and damn simplistic all my queries to the database were... He pretty much ripped apart every single line of code I had written, straight to the face without pulling any goddam punches, and seriously, what was the point of that? I had saved everything I had typed onto the computer, so he simply could have let me leave in peace and called me the next day after reviewing the results. But no, instead he had to hold me up there just so that he could feed his ego and tell me for the next half hour straight that I was a horrible programmer with absolutely "none of the skills required for the job". I do admit though, he gave me one single compliment amongst the hailstorm torrent of insults to my intelligence, namely that at least I "got farther than most people did who claim to have 10 years of experience or more". Guess that means something, but beyond that though, he simply just criticized me more and more how primitive my programming was, before going on a rant how it’s a lost art how people don’t remember how to code efficiently or write proper SQL queries any longer... Seriously, in all my months and months of job searching, I have never once been this fucking humiliated and this fucking goddam embarrassed ever before in my goddam life. For half an hour, this technical manager wouldn’t shut the fuck up and I had to take it all on the chin with a smile as he ripped my coding style more and more with every passing second of that wasted day. If only I hadn’t actually tried on the test, if only I hadn’t actually been naive and foolish enough to start believing that I had actually earned this job, maybe my pride and my ego wouldn’t have been so hurt as it was yesterday afternoon. But seriously though, what was the point of keeping me there for half a fucking hour of brutal, blunt criticism the afternoon before fucking Canada Day? What was the point of it all? So that I can learn my lesson after he literally laughed at the prospect that I would even ask for this job? WTF?... The moment that I left that interview room, I realized and chuckled to myself that I felt the very same pathetic way as I did when I exited that other downtown office long ago, all the way back in January, as the dejected failure that I still fucking am. It was the exact same fucking shit, just a different fucking month, and I was just as naive now as I was all the way back then. The more things change, the more things stay the same. I walked into that interview room yesterday afternoon convinced that I would be leaving with a job offer in hand, to work in an environment that I simply did not want to be in. I do know I would’ve taken the job if they had given me a respectful offer, so I guess that manager did me a favour by making the goddam hard decision for me. If I had simply bombed the test on purpose, if I didn’t put my heart into and if I didn’t goddam try my best, I guess I wouldn’t feel the kind of shit that I honestly feel right now. But I did try my hardest, I did put my heart into it, and I even mistakenly thought I had done fucking well. I was as foolish yesterday afternoon as I was all those bloody months ago. Do I ever goddam learn?... So what now for me? I lost the chance at Yahoo Canada, I lost the chance at working at a big bank, I’ve most recently lost the opportunity to work as a senior developer back at the government, and now I’ve failed yet again at earning the kind of job that I know I could’ve done well if given the opportunity to learn. The only remaining option on the table for me right now is to return to school, as I’ve been accepted to the Certified Management Accounting program at York University in Toronto. I guess I need to select my courses soon before second summer term classes start late next week. A few days ago, I was killing myself over the decision whether to return back to the workforce at that advertising firm or to try to change industries with more university education. I guess I should be happy then that the technical manager made the difficult decision for me. I certainly did learn my lesson this time around... At least I never did throw in the towel. At least I know I tried my hardest. And at least I now know where I stand, even if it’s in the humiliating spotlight as the dumbass programmer who’s simply too incompetent to find a job... So suffice it to say, it’s been quite the bitter and depressing and goddam embarrassing Canada Day for me. I just hope and pray though that by the Fourth of July, I remember just who I am again and where I want to be in life... Happy Recession Day then, I guess. ... You know what I could use right now to cheer me up? Some good ol’ Toronto Raptors news, that’s fucking what... It’s been a long time since I wrote about my greatest passion in life, seeing the Toronto Raptors fail over and over again just like the rest of my fucked up life. This was perhaps one of the most embarrassing and forgettable years for the Raptors organization since the days of Vince fucking Carter, and the only thing I could look forward to was the NBA Draft just like I did all those lottery years ago. Ah, good times with such painful Babcockian memories... I love the Toronto Raptors, I honestly do. Even if they were horrid to watch all year round, and even if I was screaming for lottery balls at the TV during their useless run at the end of their 33 win season, I still love my Raptors to death and I still wish I could watch some good NBA basketball on TV right now to help me forget about all the trials and turmoil in my life. If there’s one failure in the world that makes me feel like a goddam fucking success, it’s Maple Leafs Sports Entertainment and oh, how I ever miss it so... Like I said before, the only thing I could look forward to this year was the NBA Draft, and with the ninth overall pick, Toronto selected DeMar DeRozen to the delight of many Raptors fans, myself mostly included. It was a solid pick and probably the best overall player left on the board in terms of athleticism and upside. He may not have the handling or the shot mechanics yet to be a true threat in the league, but everything that has been said and seen of him so far makes it appear like he has the potential to be the next Vince Carter, or at least a bare minimum of Marvin Williams or something. Whether he comes close to his potential remains to be seen, and whether the Raptors can dig themselves out of this goddam rut they’ve found themselves in all depends on what happens this year with free agency. And naturally, I have my own plan of action of what exactly should happen starting this damn afternoon... Rumour has it that Bryan Colangelo might pony up all our cap space in order to send one Rashard-Lewis-sized, Kapono-class waste of a contract towards Hedo Turkoglu. It’s not that I wouldn’t want Turkoglu on the team, even though I feel he’s a worthless three-point chucker half the time and only really shines when he lucks out during the final seconds of games. I just wouldn’t want him on such a massive guaranteed contract, especially when the rest of the team has so many holes left to fill (which would be impossible without any further cap space or the use of the MLE). However, I wouldn’t mind a deal where we send a signed and traded Shawn Marion and (pray to the BC gods) Marcus Banks for a signed Hedo Turkoglu coming back our way. In free agency, that would be my first move if I were Bryan Colangelo, leaving us plenty of time and money to bring back Anthony Parker and Carlos Delfino... After that? Well, it becomes a bit more murky from that point on, but since when has that ever stopped me from dreaming of championship aspirations as clear as mud? The New York Knicks are still obsessed with their 2010 cap space for Lebron James and arguably Chris Bosh, so it’s very possible that they might not match any offers for David Lee in the end, even if it’s only for the full MLE. Let’s just pretend like Bryan Colangelo can somehow persuade one of the best rebounders in the league to take only six million a year, which makes both Kris Humphries and Patrick O’Bryant much more disposable, hopefully leading to a trade with Golden State for Marco Belinelli (a trade that fell through with Joey Graham earlier this year). Top all these moves off with latching onto Steve Nash with the LLE and picking up Joe Johnson from waivers after Atlanta has a huge brain fart, and what do we have?... Well, obviously the true Toronto Raptors roster for 2009-2010... ... ahem... C: Andrea Bargnani, Reggie Evans, Nathan Jawai Now that’s a team I can believe will finally make my dreams come true and at least make the playoffs with home court advantage, only to probably lose in the first round yet again thanks to a Chris Bosh choke job, but still... At least we Raptors fans would have four great playoff games to watch and then another strong draft gone by without a single Toronto pick thanks to the goddam Jermaine O’Neal trade to Miami... And at least this team would probably kick ass in NBA 2K10, and at least we’ll be going into a season without Jason fucking Kapono finding a way to somehow travel every ten seconds, even if he doesn’t have the goddam ball... So Bryan Colangelo? After fucking up last season so damn badly, please make this happen... You hear me? Make it happen. Make it fucking happen... please?... And then maybe, just maybe, I’ll buy tickets to the Air Canada Centre all over again... ... even if I’m still goddam unemployed... ... I’m a dreamer, obviously. I dream about the Toronto Raptors, and I dream far too often about my goddam future... I keep dreaming of this ideal career of mine, where I have a well paying software development job, where I’m only a year or two removed from being a respected technical manager in a company where I’ve earned that position. I dream of being in an office space where I can just act and be who I really am, where I don’t need to put on a mask and a farce and pretend to be some goddam socialite that I never actually want to become. I don’t want to feel like my work life has to be completely separate from my personal life, I don’t want to regret spending eight or nine or more hours of my existence every single day sitting in a cubicle doing something that has absolutely no meaning to the world. I just want to find a place where I feel comfortable enough to be myself, and where I’m competent enough to be goddam respected. I just want to succeed without having to sacrifice who I am and who I want to be... I’ve been searching for this perfect job for seven months now, ever since I quit my position at my company going down under. For a while there, I thought I had found the closest fit for me at the big bank and then later as a senior developer at the government, but the competition is simply so tough out there right now and my level of experience just doesn’t cut it. Like I said before, the asshole manager yesterday afternoon really did me a favour. If I can’t feel comfortable being a computer programmer, then it’s time to move on with my life and try something new. I don’t know whether going into business is what I’m meant to do, considering I keep complaining that I hate being social in the work environment and I hate putting on a goddam mask every single morning of the day. But at least getting a CMA would open up a lot of new options, and at least Accounting (as boring as it is) is really the most anti-social business aspect that you can actually be part of in this day and age. I don’t know if this is the right path for me, but right now it’s the only path available and I’ll be choosing to start school late next week. Wish me luck, I guess?... Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?... ... and for that, I wish you all a Happy Canada Day, a Happy Early Fourth of July... ... and a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone... |
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
Y2kk Update: 2008 has been a storied year... just not a lucky one for people like me...
We Chinese are obsessed with the number eight, for dumbass reasons that I don’t even want to get into. And in some respects, 2008 was a fortunate year for China on a whole. Alas, unfortunately for me, I ain’t goddam China, and neither is the rest of the world. In fact, I’d argue that while 2008 was truly a pivotal year for change and progress in the world, it was also the year that shit and spat all over the people of this goddam planet. Sure, there may be light at the end of the tunnel, but right now 2009 doesn’t look to be anything else but an incoming freight train...
This year, history was made. Barack Obama became the first African-American president ever to be elected into power. Say what you want about whether he truly deserved to become president-elect or not, whether he’s merely a charismatic personality and figurehead like JFK was to some extent, or that Obama simply had no real competition in the form of McCain and that Sarah Palin diva of a Republican backstabber. And yeah, even though we still haven’t seen if this new idealistic leader for the world will truly live up to his promises and potential, there’s no real doubt in my mind that history was truly made before our very eyes this year. There were so many people just four years ago who still claimed to their dying breaths that they would never see a non-white American president elected into the White House. Now history has been truly delivered in the sense that nobody even bloody cares anymore. As far as the US is now concerned, they simply elected another Democrat president, colour of his skin be damned. It’s old news now, and that’s exactly what history is all about. That’s the kind of progress and change Obama talked so passionately about in his speeches. Now, if only he makes sure to be true to his word and not become merely another bloody politician, then perhaps history can be made again...
2008 was unfortunately the start of potentially the worst ever recession dating back to
the Great Depression of the 1930’s. I can hope that businesses and world leaders can
pull the economy out of the rut, but deep down inside I truly do feel like this depression
was made by the people and for the people. Even dating back to the Bill Clinton so-called
glory days of power, people have been creating a false economy of prosperity and dubious
success with maxed out credit cards and mortgages that families simply had no hope of ever
paying back. According to a recent report, US consumers normally spend almost ten trillion
dollars on goods and services throughout a year and that number has dropped by 30% or more
in 2008 alone. Sure, a lot of people have lost their jobs, but this drop can also be
attributed to the fact that people never had any real bloody hell money to spend to begin
with. People like to point fingers at GM and Iraq and the big banks for going so badly
into debt, yet they never point the fingers at themselves. This economic crisis cannot be
fixed with a mere slap on the wrist and an economic bail-out, and why? Simply because
until people change their spending habits to actually afford mainly what they can, and
until the stock market learns that economic stability is better than rapid growth based on
false numbers of goddam credit, then the deep rooted problems of the current recession
simply cannot be fixed. Not for a long time mind you, not for the whole of 2009 at
least...
Of course, while the US is in economic turmoil, Europe is slowly trudging along thanks to at least the strong Euro, and Russia is practically on the brink of another revolution thanks to the spiraling value of oil? China meanwhile is still pretending to be as happy as can be, desperately basking in the leftover glow of their 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though their treasuries of US currency have basically been reduced to the value of the Yen. I have to admit though, this year’s Summer Olympics were truly one of the most memorable sporting events I’ve ever gotten to witness in history. There were just so many amazing and heroic stories, from Michael Phelps winning a record amount of gold medals to Usain Bolt absolutely destroying the world sprint records with Jamaican style...
And then of course we had the whole Chinese gymnastics age debacle, something that was so blatantly obvious to even the most naive of watchers (despite the fact that Chinese girls even at the age of thirty often look like they’re bloody hell twelve). I mean seriously, it was ridiculous how China got to have such an unfair advantage in so many different competitions, simply because a) the girls they used hadn’t ‘developed’ yet, and b) Chinese women are normally goddam flat anyways (believe me, I know...). Still, there’s no denying that it certainly all made for an incredible Olympics story...
... and the sight in 2008 of China on top of the world, made my grandfather so proud before he passed away...
...
Like I said, 2008 may have been a fortunate year for China, but it was personally one of the worst years of my life...
At least it started off alright thanks to my sister’s wedding back in February. Sure, I was miserable as hell having no date or any girlfriend. The only woman I truly did care for simply didn’t give a damn about me at all, and I spent half of my night at the Western wedding reception simply telling my sad sob story of a tale to my cousin of all people. But eventually I did realize that self-pity leads me nowhere, and eventually I did realize that there was no point in pouting when it was the happiest day of my sister’s life. So if I couldn’t be happy for myself, I certainly was happy for her. And in the end, I must admit, my sister and my brother-in-law put on a hell of a show and provided an absolutely stunning wedding that I honestly felt privileged to be a part of. They were just so happy together that of course it made my heart melt, just like the gentle, picture-perfect snowflakes outside that winter night. Not only that, but her wedding was also the last truly memorable time I got to spend with my grandparents, when the both of them did look truly happy together before my eyes. It was almost like my grandfather was waiting for one of his grandchildren to get married before he was ready to leave this world...
My grandpa, he started feeling worried about his health when summer first came around, but it wasn’t until he suddenly fell ill near the end of August that we finally accepted what he already knew, that it was his time to leave this world. I honestly don’t want to talk much about it, especially after a Christmas where I couldn’t help but remember the terrified look on his face moments before he passed away. I’ll never forget that first call I received when I came home from work, with my mother sobbing and crying uncontrollably over the phone, telling me to come to the hospital as soon as possible because she didn’t know how long my grandpa had left to live. I’ll never forget the look on my grandma’s face when we chose to let her into the room that first night, when she exclaimed (angrily at him, might I add), "Why are you here? You were only supposed to go to the doctor. Why are you like this?" When she finally realized what was happening, what was going on, she solemnly took his right hand and started to break-down in tears. What else could I do but hold her? What else could I really have done? I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the three nights I spent with my grandfather before he passed away, wondering if there was anything I could have done more for him, if there was anything I should have said before he left. I miss him, now more than ever. This year of 2008 has not been good to me or my family, and we so dearly miss my grandfather...
Things just haven’t worked out for me since the start of summer. As soon as my grandfather passed away, I realized my life was pointless and directionless, without any true sense of purpose or meaning. I wanted to find my way in life, I wanted to feel alive again, but I didn’t think that it would be the goddam economy and my goddam shitty ass company that would give me a kick to the pants in that regard. 2008 remains as not only the year where I lost my grandfather, but also the year where I fucking got kicked out of my job with style. The details of which are on my download site, but essentially, almost everyone at my company was being laid off. Like I said, I wanted to find a new goal and career path in life, so despite the fear that I could be screwed over in my meeting, I opted to abandon my job and take the option to "leave" rather than stay (which the CEO had given me at the start of our talk). Of course, it ended up being all heresy, and like I predicted, I got completely screwed over by him getting fucking angry at me for not accepting his goddam generosity. He rescinded his offer, took away the somewhat generous compensation package that almost everyone else in the company was receiving for their loss, and then basically dared me with spit in my face to fucking quit and leave my job. So really, as a man with some shred of self-dignity and respect, what else could I do, what else could I choose? I left the company with absolutely nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth, just a month before goddam Christmas was to come. Suffice to say, this year hasn’t gone well for me...
Now I’m unemployed during one of the worst economic crises in a goddam century. Now I’m feeling abandoned and hurt, still reeling from the loss of my grandfather. I’m still without love, I’m still without the girl that I still have feelings for somehow, and I still haven’t grown up to the point where I can shed myself of goddam self-pity...
... I am still the noname writer, the pointless tweaker and dweaker of this goddam website...
... sigh... the more things change, I guess the more things stay the same...
...
In terms of sports, 2008 was perhaps one of the biggest years of them all, especially if you’re a Boston or New York fan. Not so much if you’re a Toronto fan, much to my goddam chagrin...
If you’re a Boston fanatic, not only did the Red Sox win the MLB World Series a year ago and followed it up with another strong season, not only did the Boston Bruins take the Montreal Canadians to seven games in the NHL playoffs, and not only did the New England Patriots go completely undefeated in the NFL season until the very goddam Superbowl, but the goddam Boston Celtics went from the complete joke of basketball to winning the NBA Championship in stunning fashion over the LA Lakers in five fucking games. WTF?...
And if you’re a New York fan? Well, besides the resurgence of the New York Rangers in the NHL, not only are both the Mets and the Yankees doing well overall in the MLB, not only are the New York Knicks in the NBA showing some signs of life thanks to Mike D’Antoni as head coach, but at least you guys got that stunning upset victory with the New York Giants over the much hated Patriots in the goddam Superbowl. Now, why the fuck can’t the Toronto Maple Leafs or the goddam Toronto Raptors have either city’s goddam fucking luck for even one bloody hell year? WTF?...
The only real joy I got out of basketball this year probably came from the US Olympic team. Now sure, my fellow Canadians may hate me for supporting our arrogant brothers to the South, but the US team honestly carried many of my favourite players, most of which I’d love to see in a Toronto Raptors uniform one of these days. Sure, I was secretly rooting for Lithuania as the underdogs while laughing it up at Chris Kaman pretending to be German, but when it came to the final game between Spain and the US? Honestly, despite the presence of Jose Calderon, how can I possibly like a Spanish team that has the overhyped (though very skilled) Ricky Rubio stealing the starter job, has the goddam traitor of Jorge Garbajosa playing his heart out for the team, and has the fucking goddam Gasol brothers annoying me to hell with their Euro banging bullshit? Regardless of who I was cheering for, the gold medal game between the US and Spanish national teams was perhaps the best international game of basketball I have ever watched in my life. And really, the whole story of the "US Redeem Team" just felt right, considering I love Bosh as a player and was so happy to see him well defined as the defensive stopper of the team...
... which leads me back to the goddam fucking Toronto Raptors...
Sam Mitchell was fired a couple months ago, and thank the Bryan Colangelo gods for that. Sure, I admit the Raptors have done just as bad if not worse since Sam’s firing, but there is still no doubt in my mind that The Smitch had got to go. It had become blatantly and painfully obvious that the Toronto Raptors were going nowhere with that lame-duck coach at the helm, and it had been proven time after time again in the playoffs that Mitchell was neither an offensive strategist or a defensive specialist. I’m sure he can be a great motivator as an assistant coach on a good team, or perhaps the head coach on a rebuilding team like Oklahoma City or back with Rob Babcock in Minnesota. But I know deep down inside that if only BC wasn’t hand-cuffed with that 47-win season out of nowhere, where The Smitch somehow managed to steal Coach of the Year, we’d have someone else like Mike D’Antoni or Jeff Van Gundy teaching this team how to play real fucking basketball. I thank Sam Mitchell for helping to develop Chris Bosh into the superstar that he is, and I do believe the former coach of the year was also good at handling depth in terms of an 82-game regular season. But I’m sorry, this team was going nowhere with him as the lead man in the playoffs, and my only regret was that we’re still stuck with Smitch’s sorry ass contract paid out in full for the next two bloody hell years...
With that said, what the fuck is wrong with the Toronto Raptors? When Bryan Colangelo traded for Jermaine O’Neal in the off-season, and after seeing Bosh become a true defensive player on the US Redeem team, I expected huge things for my goddam basketball team this year. I mean, sure I had realized that our depth was diminished with the traitorous losses of Jorge Garbajosa and Carlos Delfino, I knew that Andrea Bargnani may continue to be inconsistent, and I knew there might be injury concerns with Jose Calderon now that he was playing true starter minutes. But did I ever expect Anthony Parker to suddenly become the worst fucking defensive liability out there on the court? Did I ever expect that Jason Kapono would suddenly stop hitting even all the fucking open three point shots that Jay Triano has been giving him in the clutch? Did I ever expect that Chris Bosh would suddenly go through such a horrible slump in the month of December, where time after time he’s been so mentally weak that he continues to jack up threes? Did I ever expect that this Toronto Raptors team would have the absolute worst collection of wing players in the history of the entire fucking basketball league, to the point where Joey fucking Graham has become our saviour? WTF?...
This team needs a change. Now I’m sorry, I do love the frontcourt that the Raptors have assembled where Jermaine O’Neal is a true intimidator on defence, Chris Bosh (in October, at least) was a true superstar in the clutch on offence, and even Andrea Bargnani has some nights where he puts up 20 points and five blocks a game. But dammit, a decent front-court alone simply does not cut it in the post-Jordan NBA...
This team needs a good SF and SG swingman combo in the worst possible way, and of course I’ve got my own genius yet impossible plans if I were in Bryan Colangelo’s shoes today. If I could make a New Years’ Resolution for the goddam team, it would be to first risk it all by trading Jason Kapono, Anthony Parker and Hassan Adams for Corey Maggette, Brendan Wright and Marco Belinelli. Rumours have it that Golden State is desperate to get out of their ludicrous contract signing of Maggette, and they just might take back Kapono’s over-priced MLE bullshit in the process. And once that trade is done? After bringing back old man Parker after his expiring deal is undoubtedly waived? Well, naturally, I’d brainwash Washington to take Corey off our hands for Caron Butler (naturally), and then what do we have?...
I present to you the true Toronto Raptors for the 2008-2009 season...
... ahem...
C: Jermaine O’Neal, Andrea Bargnani, Nathan Jawai
PF: Chris Bosh, Brendan Wright, Kris Humphries
SF: Caron Butler, Jamario Moon, Joey Graham
SG: Marco Belinelli, Anthony Parker, Will Solomon
PG: Jose Calderon, Steve Nash, Roko Ukic
Now that’s a team I can get behind...
Wait, why is Steve Nash there? Eh, whatever. It’s my fantasy team, so fuck off...
Goddammit, the Toronto Raptors have sucked so badly this season, and 2008 has been such a horrible year for me and my family in general. If there is any solace, if there is any consolation in the world, if it really is a goddam wonderful life, then please Bryan Colangelo, please make the above roster come goddam fucking true. It can’t be that fucking hard, now can it?...
I believe in you, BC. I believe in you. I believe in magic. So make it happen...
... make it fucking goddam happen...
And then maybe, just maybe? I won’t regret buying a thousand dollars worth of Raptors tickets this year...
... all of which I purchased shortly before losing my goddam fucking job...
...
2008 started out as the best of times, then it quickly turned to be the worst of times, for me and my family at least...
For others? I know plenty of friends who managed to keep their jobs, or even get promoted. Meanwhile, I’m the one fishing for sympathy simply because I felt I had no choice but to leave thousands of dollars on the table to get the hell out of that office with my pride intact. To add insult to injury, if I had just stayed two more weeks at my position, I would have been safely laid off with the next round of goddam workers. If I knew that would happen while in that goddam meeting at the time, I don’t know what I would’ve chosen...
As for romance? I know plenty of people who found love this year, with my sister getting married to her husband, and with my coworker tying the knot himself this past winter just a week before I fired myself. I also just heard from two former colleagues that they both got engaged as well over the holiday break, and I can’t help but congratulate them for finding the right persons they want to spend the rest of their lives with. At times, I feel like I’ve found that special person, yet here I am still alone, ranting and writing on this goddam website of mine to this very day...
I haven’t been updating my websites lately. I rarely touch my download updates anymore, my noname site is a shadow of its former self, and I believe the timestamps on this Tweakui website speak for their goddam selves. I just haven’t felt the impetus or urge to truly remember what I’ve gone through and experienced this past goddam year. It took me weeks before I was able to coherently put together my thoughts over the death of my grandfather. Years ago, that would have never been the case. Ever since though, I’ve started to come to the realization, what is the point of all I have done? Who do I want to become? As emo as this sounds, who am I? Where do I go from here?...
Goddammit, I’ll be turning twenty-seven years old this coming April, and I am definitely starting to feel my age. After my grandfather passed away, I’ve been desperately seeking and searching for that goddam purpose and meaning in life, for that very goddam reason to be. I want to find the career that I hope I deserve at this point, a path and job that I can hopefully stand for the rest of my life. I want to find that special girl that I truly feel like I can be best friends with, that certain someone that dwarfs all others like my sister and brother have both magically found...
My grandfather and grandmother, even after more than seventy years of marriage ‘till death due them part? Even to the moment of death, they still held hands. When I saw that, I knew what I wanted in life. I knew who I wanted in life. I just somehow knew, you know? I just knew. But sometimes, things don’t turn out the way you hope and goddam dream they will. Sometimes, reality is just a goddam bitch...
Because alas, the hourglass, it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?...
... though believe me, 2008 was certainly anything but...
Even still, I wish you two readers out there nothing but the absolute best for 2009...
... and a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, and a God Bless Us, Everyone...
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
Y2kk Update: It’s July 1st. You two readers out there know what that means for me...
It’s Canada Day all over again, and an early Happy Fourth of July to every American out there.
And what kind of Canada Day would it be without my goddam computer frying and freezing on me all over again, going on the fritz just like it does every single fucking year around this time. Seriously, what are the odds? WTF?...
It was about two years ago to this very day that my old AMD 64 3200+ fried and I
replaced it with some cheapass Xplio brand from Staples or some shit like that.
Technically, I knew back then that this Xplio was liable to "xplode" on me at
any point in time. But for an AMD 64 X2 3800+ with 1GB of DDR2 RAM back then for only $297
(and that’s when the Canadian dollar was mostly kind of worthless)? I figured, why
the fuck not go for such a cheapass computer? If it dies, I can just toss it in the trash
and barely be losing a thing, right?...
Problem is, I forgot about my goddam pack-rat sort of tendencies back then. Because lo and behold, two years later almost exact to the day, my AMD dual core machine is dying a slow and painful death. There’s either something wrong with the power supply or the motherboard, or perhaps it’s just the Xplio overhearing on me like most AMD machines do. But there were a few times that this fucking PC simply died on me, and the Seagate IDE hard drive inside of it completely got fucked up when Windows XP would reboot and that sort of shit. I’ve run Chkdsk and other hard drive repair scanners to try to fix the mess, but to no avail. Now my computer is prone to random reboots and crashes from time to time, and even when it doesn’t, Windows XP is now stuck using a goddam hard drive with apparently so many bad clusters that I can’t even run in DMA (proper speed) mode anymore. I don’t want to format now either considering I can’t even backup my files properly without something screwing up. WTF?...
I’m a sucker for latching onto my old technology, so I’ve been hesitant to go out searching for a new machine. I actually would prefer an Intel Core 2 Duo above all else, simply because I hear so many people raving about the quality of those processors, and there’s no need to go for an overheating Intel Quad Core system yet or any sort of shit. Granted, I do want a PC that will run Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3 properly when those two games finally arrive on store shelves. But otherwise, all I need is a goddam computer to run the fucking internet with fucking FireFox that barely runs on my AMD Duron 1GHz anymore, even with 512 MB of SDRAM. How the fuck can an internet browser use up so much fucking memory, I don’t fucking know. I just know I’m dying in my house using the ol’ Duron instead of something with a gig of proper RAM or goddam more...
So in my despondent desperation the other day, I decided to take a stroll down memory lane and revisit the local Staples where I bought my beloved Xplio in the first place. I went to go check out the refurbished Compaq that they had, something along the lines of an Intel Dual Core 1.8GHz with 1GB of RAM and a shitty ass integrated video card for $299. It wasn’t an optimal solution for me to purchase, considering that kind of machine was barely more powerful than my current piece of AMD crap. But I figured, hopefully Intel Dual Core motherboards with the Compaq name are more reliable than my shitty ass Xplio. Pop in a nVidia 8800GT card or something, and hopefully this PC would last long enough in Starcraft 2 for me to get my ass kicked just like in the goddam original...
That’s when off in the corner of my eye, I saw a clearance model that I couldn’t believe was the price that it was at. I mean seriously, how much would you expect an AMD Phenom Quad Core processor with three fucking gigs of RAM and a decent ATI onboard video card to cost? Sure, it had the shitty ass Acer name on it, but how much was it discounted from? $600, $700, maybe $800 really? And yet here it was, this shiny tower case in front of me from the same Staples where I got my shitty ass Xplio from, for only $197? That’s right, you read this right, the AMD Quad Core entire package was just one hundred and ninety seven fucking dollars. WTF?...
And you know what was even more mind-boggling? It’s that I didn’t even bother in the end to pick this computer up. I mean, at $197, how the fuck can you go wrong, right? Sure, I may balk at the Acer name, but how can it be any worse than the goddam title of "Xplio"? Sure, I may be concerned for the overheating issues that come from AMD processors, especially with the defects known about the Quad Core Phenom line. But really, even if my motherboard melts on me in just two more years or some shit like that, it’s only one hundred and ninety seven fucking dollars. Combine that with my 10% discount that I get at Staples, and how the fuck could I turn it all down, especially when there was only one more clearance model left? And yet somehow, mystifying as it to me now, that’s exactly what I did. I walked out of the store empty-handed for some inexplicable, Xplio reason. WTF?...
I may go back and check if that machine is still miraculously there after days of being on the shelf, but I doubt that it will be, so it’s time to move on. I’m not sure why I didn’t pick up that PC while I had the chance, but somehow I just wasn’t in the mood to spend two hundred dollars on anything that day. It just didn’t feel exciting to me to see that Acer tower case, no matter the price, that’s all. Sure, I could rip out the innards of that machine and put it in some custom tower case instead, but I just wasn’t in the mood. Even though my precious Xplio had only cost me less than three hundred bucks a couple years back, it was still pissing me off that it suddenly stopped working. It’s all about convenience for me these days, and somehow I just didn’t find it amusing to have to throw out yet another computer, my second in just three years...
So I went home empty handed and opted to fiddle around with my current Xplio instead out of boredom. This morning, all I did was accidentally disconnect the IDE cable from my motherboard and then reconnect it back, and then what do you know? But for some fucking reason, Windows XP reinited the drivers for my goddam fucking hard drive controller and reenabled the goddam fucking DMA speeds for my fucking goddam hard drive. WTF?...
Now, I can finally fucking load FireFox and other applications at normal fucking speeds instead of feeling like I’m crawling back on my fucking AMD Duron or some shit like that. Sure, I’m still vulnerable to random crashes and reboots from overheating, but at least I can fucking surf the web all over again on my X2 Xplio piece of shit. I don’t know why just pulling out a cable and reattaching it solved most of my problems. Guess kicking the crap out of my Xplio for shits and giggles in the past wasn’t the brightest idea I had...
Or maybe my Xplio was just lonely. Afterall, as I was just about to cheat on it, after I was about to discard it to the dumpster and wayside, then all of a sudden it just magically starts working again without any noticeable problems whatsoever? WTF?...
Whatever, I already threw out three computers this past month alone (my old busted AMD 64 3200+, the ancient P2-300MHz system, and my brother’s IBM NetVista P4 2.4GHz piece of heavy as fuck shit). Somehow, I just felt reluctant and ever so despondent to toss out the fucking Xplio to boot...
I guess I’ve fallen in love with that name, apparently...
... it’s like an xplosion in my heart...
Either that, or I’m just that fucking lazy...
... and cheap, don’t forget fucking cheap...
...
All my money these days goes to gaming, mainly to collecting legit PC titles for some odd reason. WTF?...
It all started with clearance copies of Company of Heroes and World in Conflict last year, then compilation classics such as Icewind Dale and the Baldur’s Gate series. I eventually lucked out with a dirt cheap version of Civilization Chronicles, and now I’ve gone berserk with picking up shit like Disciples 2, the Knights of the Old Republic series, Galactic Civilizations and Sins of the Solar Empire. I never play any of these games; if I ever did, instead of opening the sealed boxes, I’d probably just pirate the goddam titles instead. Why do I do this to my wallet anyhew, when I’m too fucking cheap to even replace my goddam fucking Xplio PC? WTF?...
While PC games have been hogging and robbing my bank account, my heart and soul still rests with Nintendo and console gaming in general. On the Xbox 360 front, I’ve run through Mass Effect (which wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be) and forced myself to finish shit like Army of Two and Kane and Lynch, simply because they were co-op titles. Hell, co-op is what made me fall in love with Halo 1 and made Halo 3 bearable. If only more fucking video game companies would put this shit in their titles (Call of Duty 4, I’m looking at you), then I’d be spending so much more cash on the current generation of consoles than I am with collector’s bullshit on the goddam PC...
It’s Nintendo though where all the big news has been happening. If you two readers out there have been paying attention to the NPD sales reports for the past few months, you’d probably be going denial crazy (but at the acceptance phase by now) at just how amazing the Nintendo Wii has been ripping the charts to shreds in North America as of late. Even more so than last year to be honest, as March and April and May this year have proven that the Wii simply cannot be stopped as a social phenomenon, similar to the fucking iPod. Sales may have slowed and been overtaken by the Sony PSP in Japan, but when it comes to the ‘States and Europe, where most sales happen these days? I can’t fucking believe that the Wii is doing so well, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that Nintendo would reclaim the top video gaming spot with the fastest selling console in goddam history. WTF?...
How many Wii’s were sold in March, April and May? What, like 700K-800K per month on average, which is a ridiculous number compared to even fucking November at the end of the year. It’s not just the system and Wii Sports that’s moving into so many homes, but certain titles on the console are doing exceptionally well too. Now sure I admit, I wish third party software like No More Heroes and Boom Blox had faired better. But can we really complain about the audience being frugal with money when Guitar Hero 3 has sold over two million copies on the Wii alone, perhaps more than the Xbox 360 and PS3 versions combined?...
The biggest success story for the Nintendo Wii this year has been Super Smash Bros Brawl. Debuting in March, it has now sold over four million copies in the US alone, another million overseas in Japan, and still hasn’t been released in the PAL regions of Europe or Australia. Second on the list is Mario Kart Wii, over two million copies sold in the US and nearing the same number in Japan to boot. And to add insult to injury, it shelled out all these copies while standing strong against the storm known as Grand Theft Auto 4...
And to complete the triangle of utter sheer domination is Wii Fit, although I thought it would sell more than the 700K it did in the US in its initial month. It still has time to pick up speed, just like Wii Play slowly did in its five million sales worth of a swath of destruction. Strangely, the "WiiFit Girl" video on YouTube might help out in the US with over four million views, and Wii Fit already has sold over a million copies in Japan alone. Really, when you think of these three titles destroying the competition of Gran Turismo Prologue, Metal Gear Solid 4 and arguably even Grand Theft Auto 4 (which had great title sales but still couldn’t move HD consoles), who would’ve imagined this kind of fucking scenario just two years ago when I was out and about buying my goddam fucking Xplio piece of shit? WTF?...
You know what’s the sad part of this all for me though? It’s that maybe I’ve just lost the interest to play games outside of my DS or some shit like that, but the only thing that excites me about these Nintendo titles these days is the sheer amount of copies they sell compared to the competition and nothing more. Smash Bros Brawl was okay the first few times I played a four person contest, but it really did feel like a slower (more tactical yes, but more boring) version of Smash Bros Melee back on the Gamecube. Brawl was a very well done title with a huge package of features, and I did keep on chugging away until I unlocked all the stages and characters, but the online or the tedium of the Subspace Emissary certainly did not help in keeping my goddam interest in the game at all...
Mario Kart Wii fixed some competition issues by removing snaking, but now I just find the inclusion of twelve racers at once to be far too hectic in terms of random item bullshit happening on screen, with barely any skill leftover in the game whatsoever. Sure, I can turn this all off in multiplayer mode, but what fun are the campaign races anymore when I can’t even unlock shit with a cousin or friend in co-op? I’ve been complaining that developers have been forgetting about co-op gameplay for years now, even after Halo reintroduced it in a big way, so why the fuck would Nintendo suddenly remove it from one of their most popular co-op titles of all fucking time? Hell, they even nerfed and neutered the battle mode aspect after getting it right for God knows how many years. If it wasn’t for the party aspect of using the Wii Wheel, I think I even preferred Double Dash on the Gamecube over this fucking disappointing bullshit. WTF?...
And yet I still cheer both of these titles on whenever it comes to global sales. Why is that, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just in my blood now to root for the company that defined my childhood and made me who I am. I’m just illogical, emotional and traditional that way, for the same reasons I refuse to let go of the past and just dump that goddam fucking Xplio PC of mine now that it’s choking like Sony is on the PS3...
When I hear that Sony is losing billions on the PS3 every single fucking year, I chuckle and I let out a smile. Why is that though, when I have absolutely nothing at stake here but my pride, I don’t know. But rooting for Nintendo out of sheer childhood folly, provides more pure fun and excitement for me than any of the Wii, Xbox 360 or PC games that I actually waste my time and money on to buy. Who would’ve thunk, right?...
And I personally don’t have a problem with rooting for a corporation that doesn’t give a shit about me...
Otherwise, how the fuck could I still be a fan of the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs?...
... wait, why am I still a fan of the Maple Leafs?... WTF?...
...
On the subject of the Toronto Maple Leafs, to be fair, I do think Cliff Fletcher has pulled off some decent moves as of late. Drafting Luke Schenn as a true defenceman and potential future captain was an excellent move in my opinion, buying out Darcy Tucker was a necessity, and I can’t help but root for the GM after threatening to send Bryan fucking McCabe down to the minors where he belongs. The Leafs may be total shit next year, but what difference is that compared to almost every other season? If we tank hard enough, at least we have hope of actually attaining Tavares first overall in the draft or some shit like that. I can dream, now can’t I?...
I pretty much lost interest in the Toronto Maple Leafs a couple years back, when my precious Xplio replaced them in my heart. Instead, I’ve still been as religious and cultist as ever in following my Toronto Raptors in the NBA, and I even got to go to a playoff game for the second straight year in a row. Game 3 of the Orlando and Toronto series, to be exact...
I admit that I was more impressed when I went to Game 5 of the New Jersey series last year, simply because I couldn’t get enough of the "Let’s Go Raptors, VC Sucks" chants back then. It was the first time I had ever been to a playoff game, and goddam was the crowd electrifying and deafening and so damn motivating, all at the same time. I was in the Sprite Zone back in the day (can’t beat $15 playoff tickets), and considering how loud it was in the upper bowl, I can only imagine how damn hard the arena was shaking down at courtside. I loved almost every minute of that New Jersey Game 5, and I was so completely hoping for a repeat of the experience this time around...
At the time of Game 3 this season, I guess my expectations for the crowd against Orlando were a little too high, considering I went home to read that apparently we were the loudest Toronto has ever been since against Philadelphia in the Vince Carter era. Don't get me wrong, we were damn loud enough to be defeaning in the building, and I think our crowd had more spirit than any arena until the Celtics made it to the goddam finals. Jamario Moon even commented that the floor was shaking from our chants of "Howard, Howard" and "Superman Sucks", and damn was that ever memorable. I was in the upper bowl, where we even tried to get a "Fuck You, Turkoglu" chant going, although I guess it never did take off with the parents...
I enjoyed the game for what it was worth, and of course I joined in on the requisite "Jose, Jose" chants that had started last year, and the new "TJ, TJ" cheer that apparently the man in question didn’t even manage to hear. I had a lot of fun that night at the ACC, but the experience just didn’t wow me like it did back against the hated Vince Carter and the New Jersey Nets. Still, it was probably the best damn night I’ve had all year round so far, and it broke my heart when the fans just couldn’t muster up the same deafening roars in Game 4 to even the series up...
As for the series itself, I can’t believe that the Orlando Magic rolled over the Toronto Raptors as easily as they did. I expected six games minimum, seven games more likely, as I thought that Toronto would at least be able to take advantage of the bloody hell crowd they had at home. In Game 3, Dwight Howard could barely see the rim at free throws through the mocking chants of his name, and their three point shooters of Keith Bogans and Maurice Evans always seemed to choke when the Raptors crowd lit the arena on fire...
But alas, it was just not meant to be. Rasho Nesterovic reverted back to his pre-Raptors self in terms of a choke job on offence, and we were forced to try to guard Dwight Howard with Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani the rest of the way. If only Bosh had hit that jumper to end Game 2 with a Raptors win, the series could have been completely different. Instead though, the only things to come out of this series were that our frontcourt is soft as Cottonelle, our point guard "strength" turned into our greatest of kryptonites, and we ended up as the joke of a Canadian team that lost to the sorry bunch that couldn’t even get to six games against Detroit. WTF?...
I’ve been following the Raptors since Toronto was first announced to be receiving an expansion team, and since then, there have been far more playoff busts and misses than any goddam successes. Which is exactly why the REAL playoffs to me have always been the NBA fucking drafts. I look more forward to the end of June than any other time of the season but the start of the first fucking round, before the Raptors’ first fucking loss every single fucking year. I mean, it’s the NBA Draft where I get hopes and dreams for the next season when every team’s standings reset at the start. Sure, the Raptors have constantly led to as many draft busts as they have playoffs losses, as Rafael Araujo and Michael fucking Bradley can more than just attest to. But hey, it never stops me from dreaming, now does it? Nor do any trades that just happen to consummate at this time of the year as well...
Am I happy about the trade of TJ Ford, Rasho Nesterovic, Maceo Baston and the 17th pick in this draft (Roy Hibbert) for Jermaine O’Neal and the 41st pick in the draft (Nathan Jawai)? Yes and no really, although as sad as this is to admit, I would’ve been much more content if only we could’ve kept that 17th pick too and gotten Nicolus Batum or JJ Hickson as cheap rookie talent...
Now, I’ve always loved Jermaine O’Neal’s game, much more on the defensive side than ever on the offensive, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s making $22 million a season. With Calderon signing for $8 million a season, there’s absolutely no room left below the luxury tax mark to get the clutch scoring winger that we so desperately needed, which leaves Bosh as our go-to-guy. Sure, O’Neal’s presence at centre will lighten the load defensively on Bosh a ton, but enough to really make him the LeBron James of this team? I really doubt something that magical can actually happen...
What I do love about this trade, is that Jermaine O’Neal only has two years left in his monstrous contract, making him a huge expiring in the year that Chris Bosh, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, Joe Johnson and Kobe Bryant all become free agents. Imagine the kind of team that Bryan Colangelo could assemble then, assuming that the salary cap will be much larger and that he doesn’t have to compete against every single other team for these players’ services. I truly do believe Jermaine O’Neal will make the Raptors a good enough team to get to the second round at the least, maybe even the conference finals if we’re lucky. But are we good enough to beat even a declining Boston or Detroit in the next coming years, and do we have anyone to stop LeBron James? Without that clutch swingman and lockdown defender, I don’t really think we have more of a chance than Orlando did against Detroit this season...
The way I see this off-season, personally? I like to imagine the luxury tax doesn’t exist, or that Jermaine O’Neal stays with the Raptors by buying out his contract for zero dollars and then resigning with us for the veteran minimum. From that point on, I’d somehow sign Corey Maggette with the MLE (just like Orlando is trying to do right now, probably in vain) and trade Anthony Parker and Joey Graham for Mike Miller (now in Minnesota, where Rob Babcock and Kevin McHale don’t know what the hell they’re doing). Of course, Indiana would then release Rasho Nesterovic and TJ Ford to waivers while Minnesota does the same to Anthony Parker, and we pick them all back up for veteran minimums as well. Naturally of course, this is exactly what should happen to us in the NBA...
And then what do you have, but the true version of the Toronto Raptors of the 2008-2009 season...
... ahem...
C: Jermaine O’Neal, Rasho Nesterovic, Nathan Jawai
PF: Chris Bosh, Andrea Bargnani, Kris Humphries
SF: Corey Maggette, Jamario Moon, Jason Kapono
SG: Mike Miller, Anthony Parker, Hassan Adams
PG: Jose Calderon, TJ Ford, Roko Ukic
Now THAT’s what NBA Draft time is really all about, especially after TJ Ford learns proper humility from the trade, and Andrea Bargnani realizes from Jawai just how to be a real man and play like a 20/10 four and five...
So Bryan Colangelo, if I can make this happen on internet paper, then what’s stopping you from making it happen in real fucking life?...
I was honestly losing interest in the team after their loss in Game 4. But this, the Jermaine O’Neal trade and all the above? THAT would make the new season a hell of a lot more interesting once again...
BC, you know what to do. Make it happen.
Make it fucking happen...
... and oh, might as well pick up Mats Sundin to be a fucking bench-warmer too...
... as fucking punishment for the traitor for even thinking of going to Montreal...
...
This is all what I love about this time around Canada Day. That’s why I always write around July 1st...
It’s Canada fucking Day. It’s almost the Fourth of July. How the hell can you go wrong?...
The NHL Draft just happened, the NBA Draft just reopened my eyes, and I must admit, the luck of the Irish over in Boston this past year was just amazing to behold. Whether it was from their World Series Baseball victory last year, their Superbowl run in the NFL this year, their near-upset against Montreal in the NHL playoffs this season ,or the Boston Celtics winning it all in long-standing traditional fashion against the goddam Lakers just a few weeks ago, 2007-2008 was practically a storybook for the bastards in that city. It’s like the mayor sold his soul to the devil or some shit like that, and I sincerely hope they get bad karma back up their cocky asses this coming season...
The Euro Cup just finished, the Beijing Olympics are soon to start, the world economy is in the shitters as much as my goddam Xplio PC, and it’s raining like hell here in Canada almost every single fucking day of Spring and Summer so far. But hey, at least my precious Nintendo Wii is still selling faster than hotcakes, rain or shine. I may not give a shit about any country in soccer or even the Olympics (but for maybe US basketball), but at least I have my goddam Japanese childhood company to cheer for like there’s no tomorrow. Better than putting faith in the goddam Toronto Maple Leafs anymore, at least...
This year certainly has had its up and downs, both in my personal life and my fucking Xplio existence...
... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?...
Well, I guess that’s what a day off is always meant to be...
... a time to recuperate, a time to share with family, a time to rant and whine and gripe on this goddam website of mine...
And that’s what Canada Day means to me. This is what July 1st means to me...
... hopefully, that’s what the Fourth of July will mean to one of you two readers out there as well...
This is the time when I know best who I am...
Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
Y2kk Update: Jeebus, must I be on the losing end of every fucking format war?
Well, at least I can be happy about my new television. The Sharp Aquos 42D64U that I picked up back in early December for $1450, surprisingly never went down in price in stores below that point. Right now here in Canada, that set is still sitting at the $1699 mark for some odd reason, when its predecessor of the 42D62U was what was on sale everywhere during Boxing Week Sales...
Hell, the fat ass 62U was still priced at $1299 even during clearance days, and while that’s a fair amount to pay for almost the same kind of quality as my 64U, the overall chic sleekness and shit is just not the same. Now, I’m sure probably sometime in February or March or whatever, my television will finally drop in price, but can I really complain when I’ve been enjoying 1080P resolutions on my Xbox 360 and HD-DVD already for the past two months?...
... but oy, HD-DVD... there lies the rub...
How long was I even part of the High Definition Movie format war? Five fucking days? WTF?...
I’m hesitant to say that HD-DVD really did lose the war, considering I was always one of those bitter, delusional fanboys who thought that the Nintendo 64 could’ve overtaken the Playstation One over time. Hell, I was also one of those idiots who thought the Sega Dreamcast had a chance against the PS2, or that the Nintendo Gamecube could at least usurp the original Xbox for second place worldwide. I’ve definitely had my share of being on the losing side of console wars for a very long time. But after getting used to the success of the Nintendo DS and Nintendo Wii, even after I was ridiculed to hell that both ideas would flop? I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to be one of them losers, embroiled and battered by the HD-DVD and Blu-Ray wars for just five fucking days before conceding defeat...
Did I see the Warner Bros announcement coming? No fucking way, although I think in my last update, I did allude to the fact that HD-DVD would eventually lose the war, all thanks to the PS3 acting as a goddam Trojan horse. Either way, just a few days after I wrote my fucking last Tweakui Update, I along with every other newborn HD-DVD supporter from Christmas on was completely blinded-sided by the fact that Warner Bros chose to ally themselves with Fox and the evil Blu-Ray side of things...
It’s not like I can blame the company for abandoning Universal and Paramount to HD-DVD exclusivity, especially considering Blu-Ray standalone drives were already outselling Toshiba ones by nearly a 2 to 1 ratio at the time. Still, after all the support Warner Bros had given the HD-DVD format and after all the titles they promised later in the year, I couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed myself. And fuck, I was only a soldier in the goddam trench war at that point for five fucking days...
There’s really nothing Toshiba can do at this point but throw in the towel for the sake of the industry. But this whole Warner Bros deal honestly, it was like a fucking knife to the fucking back. Or like watching a goddam fucking Smallville episode, HD-DVD quality version or not. Dear fucking God...
I still find it funny, the timing of my brother’s big decision to get me the Xbox 360 HD-DVD addon when he finally did. I mean, not only did he pay more for it than he could’ve in most other stores (he bought it for $199 when it could easily be found for $149 new or even $49 used at EB), but he bought the damn player for me just days before the Warner Bros announcement? WTF? While obviously, that’s partly the fault of Fox and WB for making sure they sold as many copies of Batman Begins at Boxing Day clearance prices as possible (which I was a sucker for as well, not that I’m complaining), the timing of my brother’s gift was still so damn ironically funny to me. I mean seriously, what the fuck can I say to him? That I wish I could’ve returned his gift, but I couldn’t because I stupidly cut out the UPC for the five fucking free HD-DVD deal just a day before the Warner Bros shit went down? WTF?...
But it’s the thought that counts, right? And the thing is, I still am enjoying my HD-DVD, just like those who were lucky enough to have a Laserdisc player are still enjoying the best damn legit version of the original Star Wars trilogy out there today. I don’t have a ton of movies, but thanks to some major deals over at Amazon.com, my collection has been growing and it’s not like these 1080P film encodes are ever going to look like shit on my Sharp Aquos TV anyhew. Eventually, I may buy a combo player that runs both HD-DVD and Blu-Ray, just to make sure my existing HDM collection lives on for another day. For the most part though, I don’t really have an issue with owning a "console" for a dead format. It’s like reliving my Sega Dreamcast glory days all over again, as my brother and I stupidly bought that system as soon as it went on clearance prices as well...
I personally find it revolting that Sony won the format war, in my honest opinion at least. I know there is no factual proof or anything, that Sony offered Fox a huge financial incentive to stay away from the HD-DVD camp of things and to sway Warner Bros into ending the war in favour of Sony. But whatever, it was both Toshiba’s and Sony’s faults for ruining the DVD forum and creating this format war in the first place. And while originally, for five fucking days at least, I had hoped that Sony would befall the same fate as they did for their Beta format, history seems to show that Matshushita (aka Panasonic) always holds the keys to the atomic bomb in format wars. Whichever side they’re on always tends to win. I should’ve seen that coming I guess, despite Matshushita’s lessening influence on the industry, but as usual I was too blinded by my Sony hate to take off my rose-coloured, Nintendo glasses...
So what now? Where do I go from here? Well, I’m still collecting HD-DVD movies, now that I can’t return my addon player any longer. I have the Bourne Trilogy on the way from Amazon as we speak, and it’s not like my copies of TMNT or Batman Begins will suddenly become shitty benchmarks for my 1080P or anything. Nothing will change the fact my current collection of ten or twenty films look absolutely badass on my Sharp Aquos screen. And for that, I still thank my brother for the gift, if only because I was interested in getting involved in the High Definition Movie format war one of these days anyhew...
I just never expected to be a goddam conscript turned goddam casualty, just five fucking days into the calamity known as goddam Serenity...
... which looks pretty fucking nice in HD-DVD as well, but still?...
... fuck, now I know what it feels like to be a Sega fan...
... or a sad ass PC only gamer, really...
...
Ah, PC Gaming. Besides collecting a whole mess-load of now worthless HD-DVD movies, the only thing I’ve been really wasting my cash on lately have been goddam worthless PC games from the glory days. Just recently, I picked up copies of Sim City 2000, the original Deus Ex, Dawn of War, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. I’ll never play any of those titles, considering I’m basically a console only gamer for life these days. But I do have spare cash thanks to my recent promotion at work and the boredom to buy, so why the fuck not?...
The thing is though, lately I’ve been seeing on forums (namely NeoGaf, where I’ve been a lurker since the Sega Dreamcast days...) a ton of threads dedicated to the demise of the PC. The thing is, both sides of the debates there are just so wildly, ragingly spectacular in all their unfounded assumptions and speculations, that I can’t help but bloody hell, emo-comment about it here...
I mean seriously, WTF? Why even bother to debate such crap when there is no real good information about the situation, one way or another? Convincing a true console gamer that PC gaming is not dying, is like trying to convince me back in the N64 days that the Playstation One was actually going to run away with the crown. And trying to convince a PC gamer that their industry is not dwindling into niche status, is like trying to convince a vegetarian that it’s beneficial to eat proteins from meat, or trying to convince a goddam atheist that they’re not automatically more rational than a goddam theist. Well, those are two separate debates for another day, but short story short, I have a few PC gamer-only friends of mine. And trying to convince them that PC gaming is still on the goddam decline is like the equivalent of pulling out my own goddam teeth...
Okay, let’s set the record straight first here with the debate. PC Gaming is NOT dying. However, just like hardcore console gamers can’t stand the fact that the Nintendo DS and Wii are driving the industry into more arcade-like, casual titles, the fact of the matter is that PC Gaming does not seem healthy seen from the eyes of fans of the glory age of gaming. We’re talking about comparisons to 1998 here, really..
I mean seriously, what happened to all the kickass adventure games like Day of the Tentacle, or the innovative first person shooters like Duke Nukem 3D and Quake? According to NPD reports, there were only two PC titles that sold more than a million copies in North America in 2007, and both of those very games are already more than a year old. WTF?...
Really, if it wasn’t for World of Warcraft and The Sims (yes, still the fucking Sims), the PC industry would be left with nothing more than titles like Crysis selling less than one hundred thousand copies in an entire fucking year. While it’s always good that the overall revenues of PC-gaming worldwide remain high thanks to MMORPG’s like WoW and Lineage, what does that mean for all the traditional FPS and RTS games that we old skool gamers used to love to play? Now sure, I know that at least Starcraft 2 is on the way. But when Unreal Tournament 3 and Quake Wars (shitty titles as they are) can barely sell over 100K copies each, is the PC gaming industry really headed where we want it to go?...
Granted, of course die-hard PC fans have excuses for all the above. First of all, they always allude to digital downloads, claiming that the NPD even admits that its numbers are not accurate since they don’t take Valve’s Steam service into account. And naturally, I’m not denying the fact that the PC Half Life Orange Box sold a ton of copies. I’m sure that plenty of gamers downloaded that title directly off of Valve’s services out of price and convenience alone. And I’m sure that the NPD will admit that its numbers for that top tier title are probably way off the mark...
But really, why do gamers never acknowledge the fact that it can’t be a good thing that Valve never releases any hard numbers for their sales over Steam? Why is it that we’re all left with nothing but guess-work as to how many copies were digitally downloaded and sold for full fucking price? If the numbers were really astounding, wouldn’t they fucking report them to potential shareholders at the very least? I for one am not the type of guy to completely make up numbers based on how many people I assume would’ve bought from Steam rather than pirate, so why are PC evangelists so ardent and adamant about doing that very damn thing?...
Some gamers cite that The Witcher and Supreme Commander both sold over a million copies worldwide this past year, which is entirely possible. But considering both titles barely registered on the NPD charts, and both games sold a million copies according to only and solely the word of their publishers’ own press releases? Just like in the console world where a company claims they sold two million copies worldwide, only to have it revealed that they meant "shipped to retailers" once NPD and Media Create numbers come out at a quarter of that mark, why the fuck should we ever trust the numbers that PC publishers release? WTF?...
The only hard numbers we have are NPD numbers, and they show that Crysis, UT3 and Quake Wars all sold less than two hundred thousand copies each throughout the entire year of 2007. And below them in the US were The Witcher, Supreme Commander and World in Conflict, all three of which are great games that deserve to be played. The only true debatable success for a 2007 title on the PC was Call of Duty 4, which sold around 400K copies in North America alone. But compare that to the three million plus copies sold on the Xbox 360 already, and then you can see why so many sensationalist writers out there are claiming the sky is falling for the PC gaming industry...
Now, if you blindly believe publisher press releases, then all the above PC titles were million sellers at the very least, or at least close to that number worldwide. But how do we know if they’re citing sales to customers, or only reporting numbers sent out to retailers? How the fuck do we know what the actual digital download numbers are when Valve and Steam simply will not tell us? How is silence ever a good sign? Why the fuck are PC gamers so desperate in defending their territory, that they will use blind faith in godly digital download numbers to justify that PC gaming is as strong as it was way back in 1998? Take away World of Warcraft and The Sims, and what do you have, but one of the worst years in PC gaming revenue that we know of in history. Or at least according to the known, hard facts we can trust...
But now, with all that said, I will repeat the fact that PC Gaming is NOT dying. If you’re a MMORPG, especially in China or Korea, you’re probably in heaven right now despite monthly fees, as it’s a glory age for grinding right about now. World of Warcraft some gamers claim is the best game ever made, and they happily fork over $15 per month to keep their characters alive and well online. PC Gaming, despite horrible retail sales, still churns out a few quality titles every single year that console games simply cannot compare to. Command and Conquer 3 and Supreme Commander are just so much better as original PC titles than they ever were on the Xbox 360 CPU and gamepad. At least there, I don’t feel there’s much of a debate...
And really, if there is any true strength in the PC industry, it’s true backwards compatibility and mod gaming longevity, two benefits that console gaming simply cannot compare to. I am still collecting age old titles from the 1990’s that can still work flawlessly on a modern day PC. I for one am not complaining about that fact. And even if title releases on the PC continue to slow down, as long as PC developers never have to pay royalties to any other company for each of their sales, I guarantee that there will be at least one or two marquee traditional titles produced every single year...
Even if overall digital download numbers are low, real profits for truly successful titles are so damn high. PC Gaming will NOT die, although I do believe that it will continue to decline, aside from Blizzard and Valve that is...
Really, both sides of the console vs PC gaming debate consist of just sensationalists and evangelists. Console gaming is growing, PC gaming is slowing, that is the true and only real point to debate. And really, looking at the facts (or lack thereof), is there really any thing worth arguing about? Until we get real, hard numbers for digital downloads that can actually be confirmed by a third party source, then we might as well be talking about blind faith in goddam religion here or some crap like that...
Then again, facts and the truth never stopped all the HD-DVD and Blu-Ray forum wars on Neogaf either, even after the goddam Warner Bros announcement was made. So who am I to argue what is to be argued?...
... well, that’s a raging soul of a debate for another day...
... or a goddam eternity, that is...
...
To be honest, with HD-DVD now dead and the Nintendo Wii firmly in control of first place for most likely the rest of this generation of gaming, the only real "war" that I give a shit about is the one happening in the sports world...
Well, I would give a shit about the Toronto Maple Leafs any other year. But until they tank for both Stamkos and Tavares, then in all bandwagon honesty, I think the NBA is the only real battleground that I lend my fucking ear to...
The thing is, I was shocked and absolutely floored by the trade the Lakers made for Pau Gasol. I mean seriously, Kwame Brown, Michael Crichton (or the Criterion Collection, or whatever the fuck that PG is called), and Marc fucking Gasol traded for his superstar, 20-10 of a Spanish brother? WTF? How the fuck can such a lop-sided trade ever happen? I know the Memphis Grizzlies are cheap and want to rebuild with expiring contracts, but I don’t even think Kwame helps them out much here. What’s the point of cap space this year, when it’s all going to just be eaten up by either a worthless free agent (as the pool this year is rather shit) or a bunch of wannabe rookie contracts who all think they deserve the max? That is, unless Memphis is thinking of moving to another city and won’t even bother to make a splash in the free agent market in 2008, but that’s a debate for another day...
Really, I can’t believe that the Los Angeles Lakers could pull off such a coup for one of the best offensive big men in the entire league. Really, Pau Gasol for spare parts, WTF? I wish the Raptors were able to get him for Rasho Nesterovic and whatever other soon to be expirings we have on the team. But it seems that Memphis really wanted a huge contract to expire as soon as goddam possible, and that Bryan Colangelo is too fucking in love with his poonani of a Bargnani to ever give Gasol proper consideration at Centre. WTF?...
Shades of the Vince Carter trade, that’s the haunting feeling I got when I first saw this deal go down. Now granted, I think Memphis got a better deal from Gasol than we got for VC, namely direct expiring contracts versus the bloated piece of shit known as Alonzo fucking Mourning. Then again, Vince Carter at the time was considered to be busted goods and may never be able to play at a high level after his injuries ever again. Meanwhile, not only does Pau Gasol deserve a premium for being a big man in the first place, but he’s been consistently putting up near 20 and 10 numbers for his entire fucking career, and that includes this year when he supposedly demanded a goddam trade. Seriously, did no other team step up to the plate and offer Memphis a fucking better deal than Kwame fucking Brown and two pathetic draft picks? Really, WTF?...
I’m shocked, and I’m jealous. I’m pissed enough at Colangelo that he couldn’t or just didn’t want to seal the deal here, but I’d be even more steamed at Chicago if I were a fan. They were supposedly offering Nocioni and Tyrus Thomas for Gasol, which doesn’t look bad on paper except when you consider Nocioni’s huge contract and the fact that Tyrus so far has been a horrible bust this year. Really, it was said that Memphis just wanted Thabo and Joakim Noah from the Bulls, two average scrubs that I would barely even trade Rasho Nesterovic for. Seriously, does John Paxson of the Bulls really overvalue his wannabe players that much that he didn’t green-light that trade for Pau fucking Gasol? Does he really think his team will go anywhere in the playoffs with the sorry current state that he finds his superstar-less scrubs in? WTF?...
Well, if Chicago really doesn’t want Nocioni or Tyrus Thomas, we’ll gladly take them off of their hands, let’s imagine for semi-scrubs like Jason Kapano and Maceo Baston. And if Memphis really is in fire-sale mode, how about Mike Miller and Juan Navarro for Juan Dixon and Joey Graham or some shit like that? And c’mon, please don’t tell me that Philadelphia is going to screw over their draft position again by pretending to be the goddam Toronto Maple Leafs and refusing to tank the rest of the year? How about we ship off to them Rasho Nesterovic for Canada’s own Samuel Dalembert and then call it a day?...
And then, what will we have at opening tip of 2008-2009, the summer after the Toronto Raptors win it all in the NBA Finals?...
... ahem...
C: Andrea Bargnani, Samuel Dalembert, Kris Humphries
PF: Chris Bosh, Andres Nocioni, Jorge Garbajosa
SF: Mike Miller, Tyrus Thomas, Jamario Moon
SG: Anthony Parker, Carlos Delfino, Juan Navarro
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic
Now, is that really too much to ask? Especially after the Lakers got Pau for Marc freakin’ Gasol...
So Bryan Colangelo? Do something already. Do fucking something...
... make it happen, make it fucking happen...
Or else?... or else, well?...
With the undrafted Calderon almost becoming an all-star, Rob fucking Babcock of all idiots is starting to look like a goddam genius of a hero. So now, I’m definitely waiting for BC to finally make his true mark. Make this team a fucking contender already...
Do it. Make it happen...
DO IT. Make it fucking happen...
... or else?... uggh...
... it’s back to mediocre HDM format and console wars for me...
... or even worse, Toronto Maple Leafs games and fucking goddam Smallville episodes...
... dear fucking God...
...
Another thing I was recently shocked at, was that all fucking tickets, even the upper-bowl ones, were completely sold out for every single damn Toronto Raptors game in February and March. If this was just a couple of years ago, I’d be able to get good seats for thirty bucks a pop at this point, and yet now I’m forced to keep my hard earned cash to myself. I was thinking about treating a friend for his birthday or promotion or something, but apparently the guys behind the Air Canada Centre don’t want my goddam money. I guess though, this is what happens with a winning basketball team in a losing goddam hockey hog-town. If only Cliff Fletcher can start turning things around like Wayne Embry did for the Toronto Raptors, then maybe I can get some fucking last minute tickets to NBA games next fucking year...
In the meantime, if MLSE doesn’t want my money, that leaves me plenty of time and cash to go waste on the dead HD-DVD format, as I just did with the Bourne Trilogy off of Amazon. I’ve still been picking up random rare PS2 games as well, with Wild Arms 5, Persona 3 and Soul Nomad (WTF?) still on my to-buy horizon one of these days. And yes, I have been wasting a ton of money on age-old PC games, picking up shit like the original Age of Empires, Age of Mythology, and even the Best of Star Wars PC DVD, simply because I wanted a SECOND copy of Knights of the Old Republic, a fucking game I beat twice on the original Xbox already. WTF?...
Well, guess that’s what having a job and a promotion does to a guy. Except that I still wasted so much cash on games even when I was a bum without a career back in university. I just refused to buy any textbooks or go to class the whole time, saving money on public transit and food in the meantime. Of course, it’s sad that I spent eight thousand dollars a year on tuition fees to mainly attend just goddam fucking exams and barely pass my courses. But whatever, I got a kickass Gamecube and Xbox collection out of it all. I have no real regrets, except failing so many goddam courses due to complete negligence and general goddam ignorance, but whatever. You win some, you lose some...
Because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn’t it?...
Well, if the Toronto Raptors make it far in the playoffs, if the Toronto Maple Leafs tank this year and the next for Stamkos and Tavares respectively, and if only somehow HD-DVD gets a revival and I get even more 1080P glory on my Sharp Aquos fucking TV?...
Indeed, 2008 is shaping up to be quite an interesting year. And with the Chinese New Year of the Rat coming up in just a few days? Well, what else then can I wish you all?...
... but a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone...
... and one final Happy New Year for 2008...
Monday, December 31st, 2007
Y2kk Update: What the hell even happened in 2007?
Seriously, maybe my mind and memory are just fading and failing on me, but what the hell happened this past year? I don’t really remember a thing, as callous and inconsiderate as that may sound to some people in the world. I mean, recently of course I recall the suicide bombing that may lead Pakistan to Civil War, and before that there was a drought and a gas shortage with a flock of seagulls, but that’s about it. What was there really to remember about 2007?...
The one thing that did seem to affect me, was the fact that the Canadian Dollar has risen higher against the American dollar than it ever has before. I quite honestly never did expect to witness in my lifetime, the Canadian loonie be worth more than an actual US buck, let alone reach heights approaching a dollar and ten cents. And why the hell would I ever complain considering in this modern age of sadistic enlightenment known as the internet, a strong CDN dollar can only lead to good things for us consumers, especially during the holiday season. Just the other day, I ordered a few HD-DVD’s from Amazon.com, namely TMNT, Hot Fuzz and Serenity. Sure, the shipping costs were a bitch and a half, but considering I didn’t have to pay any taxes and that the Canadian and US dollars are currently at a 1:1 ratio? How the fuck can I possibly complain?...
... well, unless I get slapped with fucking duties that is, but that’s a story for another day...
...
The high rise of the Canadian loonie has meant death and hard times for a lot of industries up here in the North, don’t get me wrong, but as a consumer I was more than pleased that I could actually price match products with US websites for the first time in my entire fucking life. Namely, that’s exactly how I got my new television, a brand spanking beautiful Sharp Aquos 42" LCD from this year’s 42D64U slim models. It looks so fucking nice...
Technically I could’ve saved a bunch of money if I had just gone for last year’s 62U models, which have been on sale lately for less than $1200 here in Canada in some stores. The 64U cost me $1450 instead, which isn’t a bad price at all thanks to some US price matching here at Best Buy, although I’m still kicking myself for forgetting all about the Friends and Family sale at Future Shop (where I would’ve gotten the TV for $1350 automatically without even having to haggle). Well, you win some, you lose some, I guess...
I was waiting an eternity to get a brand new HDTV, and with the rapid rise of the Canadian dollar, I absolutely refused to cave into the guilty pleasure of buying a set at what would’ve been a good CDN price for the goddam TV, but a horrible global price at the time. I continued my research on the net and patiently waited for stores to finally reduce the prices of their products, and while I may still get burned with a further price drop in February, I’m still more than happy with this television set I had at home to show off to the flabbergasted guests at Christmas...
It was the biggest purchase I had ever made in my life with my credit card, enough so that when I was at Best Buy for a $1600 purchase (thanks to taxes), I got slapped with a fraud alert and was forced to call my bank of CIBC. What a shitty ass bunch of credit card assholes they turned out to be, although I do understand why they had to check if I was actually using my own VISA or not. Still, it was the way that the man behind the phone was conducting his little inquiries that pissed the hell out of me, especially in a noisy ass store like a holiday season Best fucking bustling Buy...
I mean, the first question he asked me was, "I see you spent $39 yesterday at noon. What was it that you bought?" And the thing was, thirty nine fucking bucks could’ve came from anywhere, whether it was lunch or a frickin’ video game I bought. How the fuck was I supposed to remember with my shitty ass memory lately? But he refused to let my transaction go through unless I informed him exactly where those thirty nine bucks came from...
Looking back, I realize that he was probably checking if I had knowledge of my previous purchases, in case I had stolen this VISA from someone else or some shit like that. But honestly, who the fuck gives a shit about thirty nine fucking dollars? I know gas is one of the first things a thief would steal, but couldn’t I just guess at a gas station then for this purchase information? Hell, I actually got frightened, thinking I couldn’t possibly remember this thirty nine fucking dollar shit and then would be forced to give up on my goddam TV...
After fifteen minutes of bitching and whining, it finally came back to me. My company Christmas Party was coming up the following week, and the thirty nine bucks was used to have alterations done to my new suit. Finally, after mentioning that I made that purchase at Tip Top Tailors, the transaction for my TV was finally allowed to go through. Of course, even after I was able to goddam sign my name, CIBC called my house again for a secondary fraud alert, and actually asked me, "did you make a purchase at Best Buy? Were you being coerced?" I mean seriously, WTF? I appreciate that they’re trying to look out for me against criminals, but goddammit, let me just enjoy the biggest fucking purchase I’ve made in my fucking life by giving me the time to hook it the fuck up...
I’ve got to say this about my new Sharp Aquos. While for some odd reason, I’m having issues with the optical out not functioning properly when it comes to HDMI input, the overall picture quality and colour clarity just kicks the fucking ass out of my brother’s old 42" LG. Now granted, his television was 720p resolution when I have this year’s 1080p model, but even when dealing with satellite HD coming in at his native resolution, my picture quality is simply so much more impeccable that it’s almost too sharp for its own good. And the colours, after playing around with the settings a bit (since they didn’t look nearly as great coming out of the box), are so much more vibrant and brilliant than I have ever seen from an HDTV set that costs less than three fucking grand. Believe me, I was more than just impressed from my new Sharp Aquos, and that’s saying something considering how much I had researched LCD and plasma televisions before I even bought the damn thing...
However, thanks to all my googling on the goddam web, I did know that like all great superheroes, the Sharp Aquos LCD line did have one goddam Achilles’ Heel of television kryptonite. Either thanks to piss poor manufacturing processes, or simply due to engineering laziness, an effect known as "colour banding" appears in most Sharp televisions either immediately or slowly over time. It appears as multiple, thin "bands" of non-uniform colour strips running horizontally and vertically across the screen. Most people claim they rarely if ever notice this on their Sharp television sets that they buy, but the issue is still always there. At first, I never noticed it on my own set, so I thought I was just one of the lucky ones who couldn’t perceive the problem at hand. Unfortunately for me though, despite the horrible prescription of my goddam eye-glasses, I suppose my vision is just too goddam precise for its own fucking good...
My brother bought me the Xbox 360 HD-DVD as my Christmas present, and believe me, seeing movies in full 1080p VC1 glory was an amazing gift that rivaled the difference between VHS and my first DVD player, to be honest. Either my new Sharp is just that damn good at rendering 1080p resolutions, or HD-DVD really is encoded that damn well that the sharpness and clarity of the picture against DVD is simply night and day, a bloody revelation to my eyes...
The thing is though, I never noticed this with my satellite feed at 720p or with my Xbox 360 outputted at 1080p, but when I watch the HD-DVD movies that I bought, I can goddam see the fucking vertical and horizontal bands of fucking incorrect colour every single time that the camera pans over something that’s gray. Why the fuck does Sharp allow this to happen? What the fuck is wrong with their manufacturing and quality assurance processes, when this problem was around for last year’s 62U models and should have goddam been fixed by this year’s 64U? I only notice these issues about 5% of the time when watching a film, but when combined with the cheap-ass sound processing over HDMI, this new television of mine has certainly been demonstrating a few goddam shameful kinks beneath that shiny, Sharp armour...
The last day that I can return the television is coming up soon. On the one hand, it has more definitive flaws than my brother’s 720p LG had last year, that’s for sure. Then again though, especially when it comes to satellite feeds, the overall picture quality and clarity on the Sharp 42" simply blows my brother’s own HDTV out of the goddam water. It’s not even a fair comparison, as essentially his TV can be compared to fucking DVD quality and mine looks like the brand new HD-DVD drive that I just hooked up. Now granted, I’ve been tempted to exchange for this year’s 1080p LG model, but really, I might and probably will be able to live with these flaws of the goddam Sharp. Guess I have a few remaining days to do a bit of soul searching there, along with goddam googling...
... but goddammit, in 1080p full HD glory, it just looks so fucking good...
... sigh... closest thing I can get to the feeling of sex, sadly...
...
Like I mentioned before, I’ve been filling my holiday vacation time with my newfound love and obsession with the HD-DVD drive that my brother got me. Now, I know, I know, the Xbox 360 add-on version is probably one of the worst HD-DVD drives out there and I really should invest in one of the newer Toshiba drives. Still, as long as I’ve got true 1080p output (which I do through VGA right now, since my HDMI optical output is on the fritz), and the quality of certain movies I own (Batman Begins, Constantine, The Departed, The Last Samurai) all look better than all but the more brilliant of Xbox 360 games out there, then who am I really to complain?...
The thing is though, out of all things in life, I did not want to get embroiled in yet another format war. I mean, after being on the Nintendo fanboy side of things for the NES, then especially during the SNES and Genesis Holy War, and eventually giving my heart and soul to the losing causes of the N64 and Gamecube as well, I’ve seen more than my fair share of goddam console crusades in my life time. While obviously, I’ve been taking a breather in that aspect considering I have no need to be bitter while the Nintendo Wii and DS lay waste to all challengers before them, do I really want to get involved in yet another bloody border dispute, this time between HD-DVD and Sony’s Blu-Ray discs?...
Ha, obviously, right off the bat, I’ve always supported HD-DVD more, simply because I’ve been anti-Sony ever since they stole the SNES CD designs to build the first Playstation. Then again, objectively and from a pure technical point of view, the Blu-Ray format is superior, if only because of its standard 50GB discs (compared to 30 GB for HD-DVD), which may become 100GB if Sony can find a way to update the firmware on all their old Blu-Ray players...
Then again, looking further at the details, many Blu-Ray discs still use old MPEG2 encoding for movies rather than the newer VC1 codec, meaning that HD-DVD often times have produced virtually identical quality results to Blu-Ray even with the smaller overall disc size. I’ve never really cared for HD-DVD’s interactive HDi features, but its complete lack of region protection is definitely a definitive good thing. And I am a fan of a lot of the HD-DVD combo discs that have been produced that also run in DVD players, something seriously lacking on the Sony side of stuff. So really, when everything together has been factored in, is Blu-Ray really the better format?...
Then again, does it really matter at this point? While the PS3 may have failed miserably in the war against the Nintendo Wii across the globe, and it also is getting its ass handed to it by the Xbox 360 in North America, at least Sony can feel reassured that their plan to use the console as a trojan horse to establish their Blu-Ray brand has worked for the most part. Right now, 70% of high definition movies sold every week belong to the Blu-Ray format, and this still continues to occur even after Toshiba has drastically reduced the price of their HD-DVD players to sub-$200 levels. As much as I love the quality of my own HD-DVD drive right now, I know that Blu-Ray would look just as good on my television, if not better depending on the type of video codec used. Sure, I’ve never been a supporter of Sony, but even so, I sure as hell ain’t supporting either side of a goddam format war outside of my own video console universe...
I’ve dealt with enough bullshit, blindly devoting myself to defending Nintendo for twenty fucking years of my life now. While obviously I’ll probably stay loyal to Nintendo until the day I die, do I really want to become that damn irrational and that damn fanatical about a goddam movie format war that never should’ve happened in the first place? I never gave a shit about the VHS and Beta battles long before, and thank God the industry never gave a damn about Laserdisc and all the other competing formats back before DVD became the norm. All I want is a damn player that works with all the goddam movies I want, in higher fucking definition that shitty ass 480p DVD discs. Give me fucking true 1080p or give me death, I don’t really care what format that quality comes from...
Right now, I do have a fair collection of HD-DVD movies arriving on the horizon, with TMNT, Hot Fuzz, Serenity, The Italian Job, and Pitch Black all soon joining the mix through mail. And there is a decent selection of other films I wouldn’t mind trying out either. I’ll willing to pick up Anchorman and Happy Gilmore for shits and giggles, maybe Transformers for Megan fucking Fox, Face/Off and The Rundown are still near the top of my list, and I would love to pick up the Bourne Trilogy if only it was still on sale for $49 at Amazon like it was before Christmas. But at the same time, it tears me apart that I will never get the decent films from Sony’s own Columbia on the HD-DVD format at this rate, and I’ll never be able to see the glory that is Pixar films (Ratatouille, Finding Nemo, etc...) thanks to Disney’s obsession with the digital copy protection built into the bullshit Blu-Ray disc...
I’ve dealt with this bullshit for twenty fucking plus years now, about special exclusives throughout my eons as a goddam video gaming nut. I sincerely hope I won’t have to deal with it in the long run in the goddam movie universe too, or else my Sharp LCD will have to suffer through 480p shit DVD discs for quite a while goddam more...
...
Well, it’s now officially the year of 2008, and it’s amazing how the Nintendo Wii is still tearing up a total storm in the video gaming industry. I mean, I knew the Nintendo DS would take off, though I never predicted that it soon could overtake the NES and Gameboy as the best fucking selling system of all time. But the Nintendo Wii, to be honest, I really thought it could’ve been a flop and a failure. All the reviews for the motion controls of the Wiimote, while positive in terms of innovation, all cited how fucking lame-ass and inaccurate it was to use the accelerometer and pointer responsiveness. And goddammit, my oh my, how things have fucking changed since then...
All the way through 2007, whether it was fucking December or July, people were lining up for Nintendo Wii’s all over North America, and my God would parents’ eyes light up the moment they saw even a single console on store shelves. I’ve seen mad dashes between teenagers and old men in stores over those stupid ass white boxes, and there’s never a time when I don’t see an entire stack of these systems disappear from a store display seemingly overnight. The US NPD sales for November alone stated that a million Nintendo Wii’s were sold that month, half of them during Thanksgiving week thanks to Black Friday. Who knows how many were sold in December then for Christmas and the holiday season? Last year, it was the hottest toy on the fucking market, and I can’t honestly believe that Nintendo had the marketing prowess to keep it that way throughout the entire year of 2007, but somehow they managed to pull it all off...
And respectively, the titles for the Nintendo Wii haven’t been so bad. I myself collected games like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, Resident Evil 4 Redux, and Zack and Wiki. Plus, I still need to pick up Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 and Battalion Wars Wii one of these days. But the sad thing was, aside from maybe Metroid Prime, I never really got into any of these titles. Probably my most played Nintendo Wii game for the entire year turned out to be Ghost Squad, a shitty ass, twenty buck SEGA port of a light gun shooter from the Dreamcast days. WTF?...
The Xbox 360 had much more of the titles that I gave a damn about this year. Halo 3 was a bit of a disappointment, but other games like Call of Duty 4, Mass Effect, Bioshock, the Half Life 2 Orange Box, and even shit like Crackdown turned out to be decent enough software when all was said and done. And while I would never buy a PS3 at its current fucking price and value, even that system had a few sellers in my eyes when it came to the new Time Crisis and Uncharted. To be honest, I much favoured my Xbox 360 this year over the Nintendo Wii, and I was just as happy that the former sold about 800K systems in November as I was when it came to the Wii cracking a goddam million. Still, part of me wonders why the fuck the Wii is still managing to clean and clear house across the globe, with a selection of games that feels so damn shallow and nothing more than a sheer novelty in the goddam end. Alas, the Wii just does not feel like the original Nintendo seal of approval that I fell in love with so long ago...
Of course, if NPD sales are to be believed, I seem to be in the minority consensus on that. People these days, they don’t buy a Nintendo Wii to get Fire Emblem or Metroid Prime or even Super Mario Galaxy (for the most part). To all my relatives and to most of my friends, the shitty ass title known as Wii Sports is the Nintendo Wii. It comes with the system, and that’s all they give a shit about. They all buy Wii Play as a second controller and a Wii Sports companion, which explains how that shitty ass game has somehow sold millions of copies worldwide. And that’s all these people I know ever buy, if the NPD sales for every title but Super Mario Galaxy and Guitar Hero 3 have been indicative of anything. As a long-time gamer, granted, seeing these kinds of trends is goddam frustrating at times. But as a sworn Nintendo fanboy for Hippocratic and hypocritical life, how the fuck then can I really complain?...
To be honest, I’ve been losing interest in large scale video games myself. I’ve barely started the new Fire Emblem, even after falling in love with the SRPG epic on the Gamecube, and I haven’t had the urge to even give Mass Effect yet a try. Yet at the same time, I ironically can’t get into shallow and repetitively simple games like Wii Sports or Mario Party 8 anymore. Well, except for Ghost Squad and Earth Defence Force 2017 that is, simply because those are two of the best games ever made, period. But then fuck, maybe I am becoming more of a "non-gamer" afterall. Either that, or I’m just feeling really nostalgic for the glory days of gaming lore, from a long time ago in a console war far far away. Because oh yes, the SNES vs Genesis bloody hell crusades for the Holy fucking Grail, really...
.. sigh... alas, those indeed were the days...
...
Instead of video games, I’ve been spending most of my days just working at my company and then returning home to watch sports in the evening. I guess that’s always been my pattern in the past, although at least I fit an hour or two of gaming somewhere deep in the night before. Now, I’m just too lazy to get involved in anything but sitting passively on my couch while the Toronto Raptors blow yet another lead. WTF?...
I was infuriated with their recent performances in Portland and Seattle, where they let "easy" wins (regardless of how well Portland has played as of late) get away from them in the dying minutes of the game. Then again, the Raptors absolutely did amazingly well in both San Antonio and New Orleans tonight, beating two of the top teams in the Western Conference in their own goddam time zones, no less. While obviously SA was missing Manu and Brent Barry as their best three point threats, and New Orleans almost gift-wrapped the game for us at the end with a total choke job worthy of Gilbert Arenas, there’s still no real refuting the fact that for the latter two games, the Raptors played with grit and fortitude and real goddam fucking defence. WTF?...
Andrea Bargnani has played like a total piece of shit lately, which is more than just painful in light of Lamarcus Aldridge’s 36-point performance tonight, or the fact that Brandon Roy single-handedly dismantled the Raptors with a Michael Jordanesque performance. But even so, I’m still on the Bargnani bandwagon, no matter how shitty ass his jump shot has become. I’m not sure if he’ll ever become the kind of centre that we want him to be, but I’m still sure that he had more potential to be just that than Lamarcus Aldridge did at the time of the draft...
I personally would’ve taken Aldridge myself, considering his defensive potential (even if it is at PF) and his close Texan roots with Chris Bosh. But Andrea has shown flashes of pure Dirk Nowitzki brilliance before, and I refuse to believe that he’s suddenly lost that ability as well as his confidence. His performances in San Antonio and New Orleans both reminded us fans that Bargnani can be an Andrei Kirilenko kind of contributor at PF at the least, and we can only hope he becomes Dirk with actual D in the goddam future. If anything, it was also a telling point that the two times he’s played well in the past month, were the two times we actually won against good, strong teams...
In the meantime, I’m shocked the Bryan Colangelo and Sam Mitchell were able to potentially solve our problems at SF seemingly overnight, with Jason Kapono through the MLE and Jamario Moon as a goddam rookie making just $400K this year. While both players have their flaws, the two combined make a decently lethal combination that, if only Kapono would shoot more mid-range jumpers off screens, and if only Jamario attacked the rim more goddam consistently, we wouldn’t need to look for a prototypical SF any longer. If the two can share minutes properly at the position, then it would go a long way in helping us Raptor fans feel better for passing over Danny Granger in favour of goddam Joey Graham. Hell, if BC can trade Joey Graham for a bag of chips, then all would be well in the world...
I know, I know, hindsight is 20/20, but at the time of that draft, the first player on my list was Gerald Green and the second was Danny Granger. If only it wasn’t for his injury-ridden past, he would’ve been a surefire first pick on my own radar at the very least. And the draft before that, I never would’ve thought we would pick Rafael Araujo. The big man who I thought we were targeting, Andris Biedrins, has turned into a pretty good player in this league in his own right, but I’ll admit that I was never intent on targeting him myself. In all honesty, I wanted to take a gamble on a high school kid who could potentially play centre for us in the future, and since Andrew Bynum was not eligible for the draft at the time, I wanted Al Jefferson, who has blossomed into a potential 20-10 threat (albeit at PF on bad fucking teams) in the NBA league..
... sigh... if only I could somehow rewrite history with fucking hindsight, and then trade Rasho Nesterovic for Pau Gasol and Juan Navarro to somehow recreate team fucking Spain, then what would we have here?...
... well, we’d have the true Toronto Raptors team of 2008...
... ahem...
C: Andrea Bargnani, Pau Gasol, Kris Humphries
PF: Chris Bosh, Al Jefferson, Jorge Garbajosa
SF: Jason Kapono, Danny Granger, Jamario Moon
SG: Anthony Parker, Carlos Delfino, Juan Navarro
PG: TJ Ford, Jose Calderon, Roko Ukic
And what? You don’t think a belated Christmas miracle can still happen after BC gets on the phone?...
You know what to do, Bryan Colangelo. You know what to do, goddammit. Make it happen...
Make it fucking happen, or else Boston will steam-roll all over us for the next fucking five years...
... uggh... I don’t think I can take losing to them in the playoffs every fucking season...
C’mon already, rewriting history in Toronto is easy. Just ask Nik Antro-God right about now...
So make it happen. Make it goddam, fucking happen... please?...
... pretty please?...
...
Sports were the one and only thing I truly do remember from the year of 2007. It was the year the Toronto Maple Leafs were laughed out of playoff contention for the second straight time, and it was first year I ever got playoff tickets to Toronto Raptors basketball. Even though the team fell apart at the seams from all the pressure, I’ll never forget the atmosphere in the goddam Air Canada Centre. It was more than just electric, it gave me hope and a renewed sense of purpose for the new goddam season, until the Raptors choke again hard come April 2008...
In the meantime, I can always dream that the Toronto Raptors do possess the dream team that I’ve mentioned up above, if only to combat Detroit and Boston as the top of our conference. Hell, I don’t even think the above line-up is even good enough to take on the Phoenix Suns or the San Antonio Spurs in a seven game series, until the two teams really do start showing the signs of wear and tear of age. But at least, we won’t have to deal with Eric Snow and Larry Hughes fucking over a perfectly good NBA Championship between the Spurs and Lebron James all over again...
So really, besides shitty ass sports, what the hell note-worthy even happened in 2007? And what the hell will goddam happen in 2008 that will actually be worth goddam remembering?...
I’m not sure what I’ll really be up to in the new year, besides eventually siding with HD-DVD against Sony like I always do in format wars, kissing my new Sharp 42" LCD good night every single goddam day, screaming at my TV every single time the Maple Leafs fuck up a play, and hugging my Nintendo Wii solely for NPD sales data and fanboy crow rather than actual goddam games I play...
To be honest, I’ve personally been thinking of getting back into reading novels and books and shit like that lately, considering the only games I have enjoyed this past year were Nintendo DS ones really, like Hotel Dusk and Phoenix Wright, which were both essentially interactive novels with the touch-screen interface and nothing more. Maybe I’m just getting old really, writing on this Tweakui website for the umpteenth time a bloody hell New Year’s update that nobody will ever read, but I just don’t have the patience for long-winded shit anymore..
... much like reading over this very goddam rant of a whine of an update, really...
And with that? I suppose, it’s time to finally bid 2007 a long overdue adieu...
... as I really am getting too old for this goddam shit...
And to you, my two or three overly-devoted, fanboy readers out there?...
... I wish you all a God Speed, a Good Will Hunting, a God Bless Us, Everyone...
... and oh, right... a good night, my someone, good night...
... good luck in 2008...
Saturday, September 28th, 2002
Y2kk Update: Well, I'm spent, with my hands feeling soiled after spending more than a fair share of hours turning bread into butter, and wine into, um... more butter, so to speak... And oh, nevermind. I never manage to get my metaphors and smiley similes to work out properly anymore. I'm just lucky that I managed to get my brother's DVD-ROM working a few hours ago, all thanks to a very old friend of mine. You see, my brother bought the Pioneer 16x about a month ago so he wouldn't be reduced to watching pathetic VHS tapes at his university suite. The only problem was, he was still reduced to watching pathethic VHS tapes, simply because his PentiumII 266MHz and its Matrox G200 card were simply unable to run a single DVD movie at more than 10 bloody frames per second... And since I've always been the frames per second kind of guy, I was determined to get PowerDVD working at all costs, even at the cost of my own wallet...
So because I had absolutely no personal use for it anymore, I gave his computer my blessed be, S3 Savage 4, a card so ouvertly obscure, that even the videophiles in my computer engineering class still haven't heard of it to this day... and they dare call themselves hardcore computer gamers, but I digress... Anyhew, short story short, I was shocked as hell as anybody when my useless Savage card, the one that can't even run NHL 2000 properly on my Duron 1GHz, was able to run DVD movies at nearly 60 fps. Sure, there was the occasional milli-second jump in framework, but it's true when I say the S3 had rekindled and regained my brother's moviephile secular existence in just a matter of mere minutes... and now he's taking all my DVDs with him to university, even the ones I plead with him not to, but that's besides the point. Because lo and behold, at least I can finally feel smug that my $150 Savage4 card actually does something right... and what, it only took me about three years to find it? Will the wonders of the world ever cease?
And God, if only I was able to build those wonders of the world, maybe I wouldn't have been slaughtered so badly the other day at school... You see, the newest novelty for me at the University of Toronto is the network Civilzation game installed on every computer. And what really sucks the Big City apple, is that after three games against friends and the not so friendly, I have officially concluded that I suck, what? I suck, what? Hell, my only strength in the game is typing in messages, telling the enemy where I am, so they can wipe me out and put me out of my goddam misery...
So just because I had nothing better to do on yesterday (except study for my tests this week, but that's besides the point), I downloaded Free Civilization for myself, just to experiment with the game mechanics... And you know what? You know bloody what? In my first game against the "easy" computer, they were killing me with Howitzer tanks by the time I had just researched bloody hell horseback riding. And God, sure my little archers managed to beat back the enemy aircraft carriers for a couple centuries or so, but it really stung when they started launching cruise missiles at me in the 17th century... And you know why I sucked? Besides the fact that I just suck at every computer game that is... It's because my friends told me that researching new governments was useless, yet I figured out by watching the computer on Friday, that if you don't upgrade to a Monarchy or Communism right away, your tech development slows to a Cro-Magnon halt. And, well... what? My friends and not so friendly couldn't have told me that just a little bit sooner? Because God, if I didn't know better, I'd swear that were actually setting me up for a can of ass whooping, entrenching my folds in the art of trench warfare every single life wrenching game, but that's besides the point... Because I'll get them back someday. I may sound like a cliche cartoon villain right now, but it's true. I shall have my revenge, and show them the very bread and butter that I'm made of, although that doesn't exactly sound too good...
Well, anyhew, enough with the senseless, endless, pitiful whining and, um, buttery emancipation, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... Let's just cut right into the bread and, um, more butter of the story of the week, that my Mycrowsoft.com redirection services have been down for the past two weeks or so. As far as I know though, as of today, the servers are finally working again, although there's not really any point anymore, considering my hits for this site have reached a stunning peak of less than ten hits... If I can bitterly recall properly, the last time my Mycrowsoft.com servers inexplicably shut down without warning, my hits dropped from 200 a day to a bloody hell 50 a day over the course of just a couple of weeks. And now? And now? It looks like my hits have been cut into a quarter pounder yet again while factoring in the Subway diet, because nobody, and I mean nobody is buffering and bothering to visit my noname sites anymore... just great... just dandilion, God-awful Mandolin great... I'm officially the Neil bore of the internet. Welcome to the web.
Anyhew, because none of Mycrowsoft.com sites were working for about a week, I decided to procrastinate from homework for quite a while by setting up a backup redirection server at Ulimit.com. It's a French company, and although they still might go out of business just like so many American sites have from the dotcom crash, I've got my fingers and feet doubly linked list crossed that my new Com02.com redirection will serve as an auxiliary address when push comes to Great Depression shove... Anyhew, for those of you who actually care, here's a semi-evil list of my new internet redirection addresses:
http://ivanf.com02.com = http://tweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanftweakui.com02.com =
http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfnoname.com02.com =
http://noname.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfdownload.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfmsn.com02.com =
http://download.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfoffice.com02.com = http://office.com02.com = http://office.mycrowsoft.com
http://support.com02.com = http://ivanfsupport.com02.com =
http://support.mycrowsoft.com
http://flame.com02.com = http://ivanfflame.com02.com =
http://flame.mycrowsoft.com
http://ivanfarchive.com02.com =
http://archives.mycrowsoft.com
http://development.com02.com = http://ivanfdevelopment.com02.com =
http://development.mycrowsoft.com
http://cows.com02.com = http://ivanfcows.com02.com =
http://cows.mycrowsoft.com
I doubt anybody will remember them, considering my download site is reaching critical hit lows each day, my noname site has yet to get even one microparsec of recognition, and my msn site has never exceeded the mark of five visitors a day... But sadly and strangely enough, a bunch of people now seem to remember me in the computer labs, simply because of one dandy trait of mine: I tend to walk around a lot, roam about, and simply pace back and forth, as if I was some important person, with something important to do... Now, any Y2kk reader will know the exact opposite is true. Afterall, I have literally nothing better to do in my life than rant and whine on this website of wine and, um, more butter, so help me God... But you see, since nobody ever reads this website, nobody at my school realizes know how much of a no-name loser I truly am. And strangely enough, that's why people actually seem to notice and remember my face... in fact, a least five people in the past week have asked me about that big black smerch on my face. Nobody's ever asked me about this bruise if a birthmark since Grade 9, when students were alerting the authorities that at home I beat myself up...
The thing is, I pace around the computer labs a lot, and I especially paced a hell of a lot this week after I finished my computer assignment early Monday. The thing was, since I was walking around, trying to help my friends before the deadline, it seemed like everyone else in the lab was taking notice how I was the only one in the room with the decency to help someone else out... You might ask where the TAs were, considering this was our lab session. And, well, leave it to U of T to pay a bunch of graduate students to leave their classes unattended and leave an idiot monger like me in unofficial charge... And to be honest, it was quite a funny sight. As I walked from friend to friend, there would always be a person inbetween who would cut me off, ask if I was the TA, and even when I would reply no, they would still jar-jar and beg me for hours and oodles of help... Most of the time, the questions were basic. A couple inquiries were about Java from the course I took last year, I had to give my own little tutorial on how to print in Linux a half a dozen times or so, and I especially admired the amicable guy, who even after I laughed in his face when he asked if I was the TA, still felt obliged to force upon me the big O question: where oh where, has the stapler gone?... and wow, that sounds good. That sounds wily. I feel so important...
But my favourite of the favourites has just got to be that one guy, that one first year guy who spotted me helping out one of my friends from across the room, and slowly began to raise his hand, imperial inch by inch, standard centimetre by centimetre, when he finally saw me lift my head up... Delighted that somebody out there had to decency to not tug at my hair for attention, I screamed out with a smile, "I'm not the TA!", and realizing that the dozen of so people that I've already helped didn't give a damn whether I was the TA or not, I just said screw that, I'm going to help this guy anyhew, and marched on over across the room, just to give him a tutorial on how to submit his project... Short story short, by the end of the week, I was used to be being asked for assistance from pretty much every able body out there, although that's still no excuse for standing up a certain friend of mine, but that's besides the powerpoint. And to be honest, when I first walked into university last year, the only thing that was on my mind was how I really wanted to be a TA sometime. Because I could never be a professor, since I barely had enough smarts to pass my first year. And yet the likelihood of becoming a TA is also as high as the Hood sinking the Bismarck, simply because unless I find some friends in high places, I need at least a B average in school just to sit idle in a tutorial classroom, like a screen saver on crack... or worse yet, butter...
But still, I've always had the innate desire to rant my ass off to anybody who demotes themselves to having to raise their hand. Basically, I want to be a TA just to deservingly lecture my students with God-awful Y2kk Updates, and watch them fraudily applaud at the end... just like how so many professors use their jobs to promote their books and papers, I guess I want to be a TA just to promote these sites... And to be even more honest, I did feel a certain element of power after helping out at least a dozen people on Monday. Because when it comes to life, when it comes to existence, it's not about right or wrong. It's not about better or worse. It's about standing high above the other's head, ready to give a stern lecture, when you suddenly and stubbornly realize, that the only thing that seems to come out of your mouth, is foamy, frosty, frothy butter... mmm, timbits covered in piss-poor, metaphorical butter, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...
And okay, scratch one off. It looks like I'm never going to be an English TA...
Friday, September 29th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Geez, me haven't updated this page in a while. I've been too busy, um, doing nothing and, uh, thinking about doing nothing... I updated the Advanced Windows9x Tweaking guide with something about a Mapped Cache, but it's a crappy tweak that I just put on there for no reason... I do have a story to tell you about Future Shop, which is the equivalent of Circuit City if you doubled all of their prices... I bought a CL ModemBlasterUSB 56k V.90 from them for $150 Canadian bucks, brought it home, and it worked slower than my old Motorola 33.6 worth $25 bucks or something. So I repackaged the goods and prepared to return it a few days later to where I bought it. Afterall, I had bought RAM at Computer City before (which is owned by the same guy as Future Shop is) and I was allowed to return it with no problem... But that was because Computer City has competition here. Future Shop has no such thing like that... can you spell MONOPOLY?
I stood in the refund line for 40 minutes, gawking at that stupid, yellow sign that said "Satisfaction Guaranteed". And for crying out loud, there was just that one person in front of us, trying to return a Cordless Phone that didn't work... and, well, that guy in front wasn't really happy with the service, and I didn't know why at that moment, but... When I finally got up there, I was greeted by a phony hello and smile. I told my problem, that the modem wouldn't connect past 26400 bps, and she didn't understand a word so she called a computer sales rep over. He didn't understand a word I said either, so with those blank, staring eyes of his, he asked me if the modem worked at all. I honestly said, "yes". It just didn't work because of an incompatibility with my computer, and I'd like an exchange please. And how does he respond? He tells me I can't exchange it. He shows me my own receipt, and dimly in that spot where it's folded, it says in faded print I can't return any product that's been opened. Doesn't matter if it's worth $1 or $1000, I just can't return it. That's when my brother started screaming that he just lost $150. I called the manager over, and she looked like she didn't give a damn. She had probably had gone through this routine a million times that day alone. She told me the same stupid thing that I can't return it, because if I did, she wouldn't know what to do with an opened box... well, for a buck she could've just repackaged it for someone that it can work for, but I guess she ain't very managerial literate at all... so I tested her computer IQ, and started spouting out all the crap that I did to try to get it to work. Told her about the MTU, the RWIN, the Firmware Flash bios, and even the bloody 3Com V.90 protocol test site. No response. Not even a flinch in their eyes.
They then asked me which server I used. I said I tested it with Freewwweb, NetZero, Freei, iFreedom, 3Web, HomeFreeWeb, blah blah blah and another one I can't remember right now... heh, the two of them just stared at me with blank faces and told me they heard the modem works with AOL and Sympatico... geez, like I didn't know that... Eventually I revealed to them that the only smart guy actually sacrificing himself by working at Future Shop had opened the package for us to look at & inspect, therefore we had bought the modem with an open box. That's when she went into the back, pretended to talk to herself in a mirror, and then came out saying we can finally get an exchange - and that because of her generousity, she could get fired... Yeah, sure.. she should get fired for arguing with us for an hour and a half already... I was going to use that $150 to buy a 128MB module of Pc-100 RAM which should've costed $190 according to the weekly flyer... and what RAM does the manager bring me? A 128MB module costing $290... hmm... con-men, con-women all in little, red uniforms... We then decided to take the credits at the store and come back another day when they don't remember us and can't take as much advantage, but when we got back to the refund stand to get a new receipt, a new employee (actually, the 8th person I saw at that spot over those 2 hours) was gossiping on the phone. When we asked for our credits, what does she do? She asks us our story again, and we waited yet again for the manager to clear things up. It's a good plan though; keep switching the refund employees so their cluelessness can piss us customers off even more...
Future Shop took nearly 2 hours out of my life. I think I'll give those 2 hours to Best Buy, Circuit City, or even, if I'm that damned, CompUSA when they all storm the Canadian gates... heh, when I was leaving, I noticed a guy was bringing a defective DVD playing back to Future Shop... I sure wish I had stayed to see that machine wrapped around that manager's head...
Friday, August 11th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Well, today's the big day. I just uploaded a list of almost 100 Free Web Space Servers and a whole bunch of new advanced Win9x tweaks like how to double your shutdown speed and how to break through every Poledit security feature there is. But that's not the big news. Let the Armada community know that I, IvanF - the bloody no-name modder, am now submitting my resignation for modding retirement. Today I release my final mod: IvanF's No Name Brand Mod 0.60 for Activision's Star Trek Armada. The main new features are I increased the Z-axis space, I made the AI even harder, I added a complete uninstallation batch file, & I added in the Borg Tactical Cube to give every race at least 13 combat vessels. To install my mod, just extract all the files to your root Star Trek Armada directory. If that doesn't work, extract it to a temp dir and move all the files yourself.
Fragaday's VISE Exe Installer for IvanF's Last Mod: IvanFragaday-NoNameBrandSTA060.exe
Mirror Site for IvanF's 0.60 Mod Zipped: IvanF-NoNameBrandSTAMod060.zip
I have been modding for 4 to 5 bloody, long months now. Go ahead and read the bottom of this page if you don't believe me, but my first official mod came out on Friday, April 21st, 2000 with an update coming out every 2-3 weeks or so. I've given my sweat to this game. I skipped out on studying for my Physics exam just to get a new mod release out. As far as I could tell, I am one of the first modders; I released a full conversion mod while James Bryant was wowing everyone with his Cobalt Defiants. I added in the Romulan D'Kazanak not long after Jc did it to become famous. I was the one who made Scube a household name; it's not a SuperCube! It's a Scout Cube! And I paraded online for weeks back in April, telling all Borg players to try my Scube. Scube this, scube that... And yet no-one remembers me. No-one even bloody knows my name. The Sandman may complain about not getting instant responses, but I complain about getting none at all. I was the first to improve pathfinding. I was the first to introduce incredibly hard, cheating AI. I was the first to create a new detail level where even Pentium 166 users like me can play with good graphics. And you know what? I have gotten nothing out of this experience. Well, not much at least.
I cried out for game balance; the players cried out for sods. I had a dream for All Experience RTS Players to settle their differences out online with my mod; whenever there was a balance issue, I would be right there to fix it. They were to give me feedback, and unlike any computer game company out there, I would make their balance suggestion reality. But goddam, I can't even play hearts properly. What makes me think I can make a game more fun for others? I don't have the brilliant reputation of Jc. I don't have people drooling at my AI like Capm does. I don't have the legacy of James Bryant. I don't have the Sods of Sulu777. I don't have the hype of the Millenium Project or the Generations Project. I don't have the loyalty that binds together the Midas Array. I don't have the realism of the Ilu Maris Project. & I don't have the originality of Futility. I dedicated my mod to balance, not sods. I thought I released a damn, good mod, not just a flashy one with cute little advertisements.
But goddammit, no-one hears me now. No-one knows the name of IvanF. Very few care... But I'm sick of being a bloody whiner. If anyone wants to try my mod, please go ahead and accept my thanks in advance. I'd love it if you played it online with your buddies; it was meant to see the light of the net. I'd love it if you'd have the courage to post in the Official Armada forum and tell me how to make my mod more balanced. But what I won't do anymore is whine, complain, or grovel for feedback. I've spent too long on my knees, and now I'm just plain bitter. Kaleb, Marrel, Tim, Ares, the Prophet, Brazza, the Sandman, & all the other greats; geez, they're all so talented and all so very lucky for getting the feedback that they get. As for me, I'd die just for cynical criticism that would kill others or some other crap like that. But I'm releasing this last mod for 4 reasons, 4 horsemen: for fbrg, for Fragaday, for my cousin, and for you, Victor. Yes, you...
You know, I'm not really upset... I'm sorry if I offend anyone; I have a real habit of doing that. I'm just frustrated & if you ever take the time to read my websites, you'd know I love to go on tangents. No matter how pathetically down I may feel, I also know that at least a few of the 39 people who downloaded my 0.56 mod enjoyed it as much as I did. I remember that it felt good to hear that some of the 90 people who downloaded my 0.20 first mod had fun playing with the special weapons... and just because of that, I promise I will make sure I will not vanish in to the bitter cold night. I will write. I will respond. I will be remembered. I will bloody be known... Geez, aren't I the melodramatic or what? I'm really going to laugh at myself sometime for writing this all...
Um, and uh, oh... thanks for listening to me...
Sincerely, _________IvanF, the no-name modder, August 10th, 2000...
Thursday, March 15th, 2000
Y2kk Update: Welcome to the grand opening of IvanF's Tweak 'n' Dweak homepage at Tweakui.mycrowsoft.com, just one of oh-so-oh-so many sites on the Mycrowsoft Network! So far, the only thing that I have online is a S3 Savage page with Quake3 tweaks. Go check out the console commands and yadda yadda yadda on the left. Now who's better than IvanF? Everybody!... but not for long.
... tweaking and dweaking online since March 15th, 2000...