- Tweak that WindowsXP Registry, just for the Hell Yeah of it -

- Motherboard, CPU, RAM, and Hard Drive Optimizations -

Help! My Computer is Pregnant & Can't Get Up! And uggh, that was a lame metaphor for Unused Dlls...

Okay, even though I’ve been out of the tweak and dweak game for the longest time and no longer bother to optimize my system for the games I never play, I’m still a tweaker at heart. It’s like a long lost love that dumped you. A guy just can never get over that, um, love that I’ve never felt, nor experienced, nor ever will get to experience if I keep up to my geekdom ways, but that’s besides the point…

Anyhew, what I’m trying to say is that I heard of a little flaw that some WindowsXP installations have, although I'm not sure why. Some people’s computers, depending on how they install XP, do not unload Dlls from system memory as soon as the program that needed them closes. Because of that, Dlls begin clogging the fastest and most important parts of memory or whatever, and your system slows down for each and every program you run and shutdown. To fix this, or at least figure out if you’re safe from this flaw or not, go check out HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\explorer\ in the registry, and find the key that reads "AlwaysUnloadDll". If the value assigned is 1, you’re fine. If not, assign it to 1 because you’ve really got nothing to lose except for, um, stuff to lose… And if this reg key doesn’t exist, or if the explorer dir doesn’t exist, make both and fill in the blanks, so to speak. And even though I doubt you’ll be able to measure any performance improvement whatsoever, I’m sure our beloved geek cockiness will find every way possible to pinpoint for us exactly where and when our computer purrs harder and faster than before.

I admit I'm a CPU Priority Junkie, but I went to CPU-AA Anonymous, & I think I can control my Sprites now...

I probably admitted the following, um, admittal, in my Advanced Win9x tweaks and dweaks, and because I want to sound really redundant and really repetitive just to annoy myself if I ever do get drunk enough to read over this webpage once mpre, I’ll like to continue on with this run-on sentence and admit that I spent much of those Quake 2 days fumbling around with my PnP Bios, trying as hard as hell to get a rise out of my computer as I kept banging it and banging it on top and behind, just to get its CPU priority settings to goddam work in my pitiful favour. And the moral of this story, is that please don’t bang your computer, because it never sparkles back, and in the end, it can only fizzle out. After a year and a half of trying, I still don’t understand how the CPU Priority settings work in the bios, whether enabling them over the AGP/PCI slots improves performance or not or blah blah blah. And, well… simply put, I’m housebroken now after all the fights and plurals for Armageddon, and it sucks that my sister tells me I’m a cat. I don’t look the part, but if wiener shaped, bony, hairless cats exist without genetic modification, then I’m your man.

And, um, just ignore what I just said… Anyhew, the moral of this story is that although I still can’t piece together the facts about that CPU Priority thing (although I may have figured it out in my bios tweaks last year and forgotten all about it), I do know where to edit that CPU setting thing in the WindowsXP registry. Find in regedit HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\System\CurrentControlSet\Control\PriorityControl, or create it if you have to. Now, you should either find or make a DWORD value called "Win32PrioritySeparation" with a default value of 1. The best value is normally 2, but I recommend trying any value from 1 to 10 and see which one works best for you. You can do what I did: benchmark for life. In the end, all it does is bring you back to square one, and you lose your lust for Mr. Pointy tweaking, but at least you learn something in the end: that the Sims is a very bad game, a very bad game indeed… No more Sims for you!

What the Hell does Real Time Priority in WinXP do Anyhew? Besides secretly destroy RealPlayer, that is...

Okay, if you read my CPU Priority tweak and dweak above, then you’d know I don’t exactly fancy a dance with the PnP Bios in the pale moonlight. I’ve only had one real dance in my life, although I guess I should also count that awkward one with my sister at my Grade 8 graduation, but I try to repress that from my mind… But can you believe it? I’ve been mulling over it in my null of a mind. At my high school graduation, I saw my old crush walk into my life for the first time in a year. I was at the top of the hill, and the symbolism was rather ironic when I saw her climbing up that hill, ready for the rabbits to attack, candidly waving at me. When she finally made it up to top to me and the chapel, she put a fake spin on her smile, and told me as she looked at my god-awful suit, "Wow, look at you!"… and she said it in such a gentle and seemingly honest fashion, that I became too much of a blubbering idiot to exactly remember what I said… But it only took a moment to recompose myself like dead bark on wood, or whatever I was harding on, and I embarrassingly remembered I had bought my damn suit from the kiddie section of some discount store… But still, it felt nice that she was compliment in such a non-phony way, even though that suit was still five sizes too large for my rib cage… I did love her, you know. She was one of my shortest crushes, but she’s the only one I’ve ever admitted anything to, and she’s the only one to truly endure to this day… unless another one of my fifty wives walks back into my life, but I digress…

Anyhew, for this tweak, you’ll have to go back to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\System\CurrentControlSet\control\PriorityControl, the same place in the registry used for that CPU Priority tweak written above. Now, to enable something called Real Time Priority, make a DWORD variable called "IRQ#Priority" and give it a value of 1. However, you’re not actually supposed to call the variable "IRQ#Priority". The # thingy is actually found in your control panel system. The IRQ to use is over at that System CMOS/real time clock thingy or whatever, um, thingy. Implant that IRQ value into the DWORD value, and I don’t know why, but CPU performance is supposed to be dramatically improved. But then again, that’s what they said about Viagra, and I haven’t seen any effects so far… or at least, none I’d consider desirable, since I’m only alone with my computer at night…

Some guys wish they could do IT all the time, but I've Done it... enabled UDMA66/100 velocity all the way...

Okay, I sort of remember writing a tweak like this for my Advanced Win9x section long time ago, but I’m too lazy to check out the crap that I wrote before, so I’m going to assume the WinXP version of this dweak is different. I’ve always been a pompous lazy-ass at the heart, and thus, I guess that’ll make me a good computer engineer, but only time will tell. And just for the record, don’t ask me why I’m telling you this, but you can see my veins… The veins in my feet, in my arms, in my hands – they’re all visible and accounted for. My brother once made a bet with his friend, who claimed anybody with visible veins all over the arms has just got to be jakked and muscular… Then my brother showed his friend my arms as I flexed and nearly ripped my cartilage in the process, and, um… let’s just say my brother got his reward, and I got a wonderful laugh in my face… but I’m not bitter. I really ain’t. I’m just veiny. Ripped and veiny, like some 105lb Incredible Hulk or some crap like that.

And yes, that is my real weight, but we won’t talk about that right now, shall we? The tweak at hand is about maintaining UltraDMA ATA66/100 quality transfer rates all the time or some crap like, and the first step lies in the control panel’s system thingy, where you must activate the DMA if available or whatever settings on your hard drives… There was this really horrible Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called "Ted", and I groaned and rolled my eyes so damn hard when the robot salesman talked about how expensive DMA upgrades are for 9GB hard drives these days… and, uggh… I don’t honestly remember a single time when DMA upgrades were the fad or anything. Sure, I got a hard on whenever I flipped and clicked and checked that little DMA setting box in the system thingy, but that’s about it. So who’s really the weird one here? Ted, or yours truly? Or better yet, yours truly?… and I have no idea where I was going with that, so sorry about that…

Anyhew, to permanently activate UDMA100 mode or whatever, visit in the registry HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\System\CurrentControlSet\Control\Class\{4D36E96A-E325-11CE-BFC1-08002BE10318}\, go into each hard drive directory (eg: 0000, 0001), and add the DWORD variable of "EnableUDMA66". Give it a value of 1 to satisfy yourself with DMA lust, and voila, c’est tout! You’ve got full IDE hard drive speed, so congratulations on actually reading this far into my horrendous writing. You’re da bomb.

 

 

- WindowsXP Stability and File System Issues -

WinXP is a Plague & won't Shutdown, & the Only way to stop a Plague is to Plague it with, um, a Plague...

Okay, I’m assuming that as a Windows users, we all have the same problem here, because let’s face it – no matter how many times I try to defend it, it’s simply an accepted fact that Microsoft OSes suck at stability. Sure, Windows XP with the WinNT kernel adds an element of crash-proofity or two, but nevertheless, people shall complain. It’s one of the ten commandments of being a computer user, or at least one who tries to look smart. We want the perfect OS, but that’s simply impossible when you’ve got software companies producing thousands upon thousands of varied programs for that one, lone, piss-poor OS to handle. And, well…

Alas, I cannot wave a magic wand, make your WinXP system crash-proof, and make as much money as that Harry Potter series is soaking up around the world. However, if your computer constantly freezes during the shutdown process, and you’re sick and tired of having to hit CTRL-ALT-DEL to manually "end task" all the frozen programs, here’s a way to get WindowsXP to do the job for you. In the registry, check out HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop. If you don’t see a string value there named "AutoEndTasks", make one and give it a value to 1 to enable it. And that’s it. That’s all it takes to prevent your computer from never shutting down. Luckily, I never use enough programs on my computers anymore to encounter this problem, but it’s always a nice little timbit of info to know just in case your computer goes haywire one day.

Normal people stick up One finger when they're pissed. But us WinXP Computer Geeks? We stick up Three...

Yeah, well, in case you didn’t the read the tweak and dweak directly above, I just posted a method of getting WindowsXP to automatically shut down all crashed programs upon system shutdown. I also mentioned, or more acutely, bragged that my computer never freezes during the shutdown process anymore (probably because I cheat and actually turn it off with the power button, DOS style…), However, I never once mentioned anything about programs freezing while you’re using the computer.

I used to consider my webpages banner free, and I guess I could still attest to that. There’s just one problem though… What’s the point of being banner free when I’ve got so many damn pop-up ads that it freezes my own computer? That’s right, isn’t it ironic that every time I check my own websites just for gags and giggles, my damn computer gets frozen from all those messed up advertisements from my redirection and bankrupt web servers? Just to get my computer out of those useless, infinite loops my own website puts it in, I’m forced to do that CTRL-ALT-DEL thing that has pretty much become second nature to me. But alas, my patience has grown far more thin than it was the last time I uploaded a tweak like this, and to be honest, today you’ll probably find me cursing and swearing and banging my own keyboard whenever a stupid ad or program freezes my computer.

So is there an automated solution to this all? But of course. It’s simply natural for Microsoft for provide a workable solution, without telling a single soul about it or how to do it… Check out HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop in the registry, find the string value called "HungAppTimeout", and change the value to something relatively low, to something like 1000 instead of the default 5000 or some crap like that, just to make WindowsXP inform you about crashed programs quicker than it normally does. Then in the same registry key, find the string value entitled "WaitToKillAppTimeout", and change that value to something rather low like 5000 from the default setting of 20000 or some crap like that. After changing this value, as soon as a crashed program has been noticed, WindowsXP will end the busted task much quicker than it normally would, and that’s a good thing when it comes to the safety of your head-banged and banging keyboard. There is also one other string value of importance in the registry section of HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Control. Look for something called "WaitToKillServiceTimeout", but not everyone may have it. If you do have this string, give it a value of 2000 or something around those lines. I’m not exactly sure what this setting does, but I assume it’s the equivalent of the above end task thing for network servers and crashed VXDs, but don’t take my word on that… because since when has my word been considered worthwhile? Hell, I haven’t even tested if any of the tweaks I’ve ever posted work…

Microsoft Only thinks of our Safety & Happiness with WFP... And WTF? Okay, you can stop Laughing now...

Okay, let the records show that I am personally against writing and posting this WinXP trick or tweak or whatever. I’m only doing it because I’m bored, because I want to look like I have more tweaks on this page than I do, and because my sister has given me an ulterior motive at nerdy revenge. You see, I used to be the one who screwed up all the computers in the house. I always got blamed and banned whenever something would go haywire, or something would go wrong. But ah-ha, it looks like the topsy-turvy tables have turned! Because how could I be at fault here, when the only one to touch my sister’s Toshiba laptop, was her?… Ah-ha! So I’m not alone in the universe here! Apparently, she was trying to delete some cluttered files on her computer, and ended up deleting some majorly needed Dlls from her Windows directory in the process. And would this have happened if there was some sort of lock-out security system, preventing her from deleting system files she’s never heard of, that are important but not currently in use (you can’t delete files currently in use, like that damn "_Restore" directory in WinME that I keep killing softly from the safety of DOS)? If there was such a system, such a file protection system, it could’ve saved me a hell of a lot of gigs of deleted data from my oh so joyous, 540MB computer past…

Enter WindowsXP and the Windows File Protection (WFP) agency, a little thing in your computer that prevents the uninformed or the lowly computer hacker you from deleting any key files. There’s just one flaw in the system though, besides it being designed by Microsoft of course… I mean, what if I actually do want to delete important files? With DOS normally out of the way with those true Win32 OSes these days, is there any way that I could go on an insanity streak, soak my sanity’s requiem, and wipe out all life and every single bit of data on my beloved hard drive, all as vengeance for waking up alone in the morning, and all from the safe confines of my lovely WindowsXP? Not that I use WinXP of course, but that’s besides the point… And that’s where this tweak and dweak comes into the motion picture: it disables the WFP system for whenever you want to get medieval on your computer’s ass. But I warn you here, that I have never used WindowsXP, and have no clue if this tweak really, really, ridiculously works. Most dweaks I post are reasonably safe to try and dispose of, just like a cosmonaut’s diaper, without any real repercussions… except for ruining your computer that is. However, I’m personally against this WFP tweak, because it requires the use of hexediting, a type of voodoo practice that I delved into in my Grade 10 year, only to discover that I really know nothing about hacker type programming… And just for the record, thanks to New Age practices, Wiccanism and paganism are among the fastest growing religions in the world today. And that just burns me inside, because I personally feel like I’ve been burned and scorned and staked at the, um, stake, by girls who taunt and flaunt and ignore me for their newfound religion, but that’s besides the point… because I’m not bitter! I’m really not…

Anyhew, first step in disabling the WFP is to take your hexeditor, and open up that "SFC_OS.DLL" file in your System32\DllCache directory. Find the physical offset or whatever of 0000E2B8 (0E2B8h) written within the file, and don’t ask me how to do this because it all depends on your hexeditor, but change the 8BC6 bytes you find there (as long as you do have this line) to something like 9090. If none of the above thingies exist in your file, then sorry, but you’re out of Larry King luck and stuck with that evil empire of WFP for a very long time… And for the rest of you WinXP users still out there reading, the fun’s not quite over yet. In the registry, pay your dues duty free at HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows NT\CurrentVersion\Winlogon, find the DWORD value of "SFCDisable", and give it a value of FFFFFF9D to finally disable WFP. And if you ever want the file protection back, just for hugs and giggles and infinite Bill Gates kisses, give the SFC reg thingy a value of 0, and welcome yourself back to the world of .NET Big Brother Windows… and God, do I hate that show… Survivor was just boring, but Big Brother? Let me make it clear, now and here, that it’s a fact of life like the chicken clucks, that simply put, Big Brother sucks…

 

 

- WindowsXP Network and Security Shortcuts -

Computer Geeks get Hard-ons only by doing their Hardest on Computer Autologons, Hard Knocks & knees...

Okay dokay, this is pretty much a standard, merry-go-round, village bicycle tweak of a dweak of the week. I’m pretty sure everybody knows by now the easiest way to get your computer to log into your administrator account automatically on boot-up. However, I’ve never been about the easy way of doing things, and neither are you if you’re actually one of the few who has even bothered to read up on this tweak, and why? Because it’s just not fun if it’s easy! And written below is possibly one of the hardest ways to auto-logon to your computer… without screwing it up in the process, of course...

In the registry, go check out HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows NT\CurrentVersion\Winlogon. Find the key that reads "AutoAdminLogon" and change the value to 1. Next, locate the line that reads "AutoLogonCount" and for some odd reason, change that to some insane number like 4000000000. And no, the work ain’t done yet… Third, find the key called "DefaultUserName" and change that to the username you normally would use (or use Administrator if you don’t use a username). Similarly, find "DefaultPassword" and input your password there, or leave it blank as default, and, well…

Well, that wasn’t so hard, was it? So why did I deem this version of the task difficult? Because first of all, you can just enable autologon by pressing enter when it comes up or something, although I forget the exact details of that lame-ass method. You can also download the new versions of tweakui in order to do the same. And if all the above fail? Go to the control panel, go into the Users and Passwords section, and uncheck the "Users must enter a user name and password to use this computer" option, and that just about does the job. Simple? Bah. Who needs simple, when you’ve got extravagantly, excruciating long registry processes in the, um, process?…

'Got to Start it Up'... How Ironic MS would use such a song, to promote an OS that can't even boot properly?

You know, I kind of felt bad that one day. After a year of university, I’ve now become sort of immune to all the homeless people and opera-Oprah violinists I see on the streets. Sure I caved in and gave a couple dollars or something to some stranger that didn’t even say anything the other day, but I’m pretty sure I’ve become stronger over the year, although my picked pockets don’t exactly show it… However, the other day, some kind of Green Peace girl came to my house and asked for a five or a ten. I knew my mother wouldn’t give anything, considering she gets fed up at all the donation leechers every single year, so I was ready to stand up for her, do what’s fickle and possibly just in her mind, and tell that girl to leave empty handy… However, um, the problem was, she seemed so small! She looked like a girl guide, except for the girl part, and the guide part as well… And the way she groomed her hair, reminded me a lot of some of the girls I once had crushes on, before I had a crush on them of course, since girl geeks tend to prop themselves up as the high school years roll on. I mean, if you compared how my last high school crush looks now compared to when she first entered high school, you’d honestly laugh at her glaring claims that she’s as anti-trendy and anti-girlish as can possibly be, but that’s besides the point…

The point is, this girl guide Green Peace girl was just so small, and cute, and had round, little puppy eyes, but what made it hardest for me to shoo her away, was the fact that she had a hump… a hump on her back, just like the one I’m nortorious for having… That’s right, she was officially the hunchback of every dame, and it hurt when I shooed her away, but I did, because that’s what old fashioned, civilized, brave men do. It’s kind of weird, though… I give my spare money to some well-groomed guy on the streets of the city, but I can’t even muster a little bit of compassion and compensation for some humped, little girl who I’m sure is looking for a good humping? What the hell is wrong with me? Where’s my principles as a really desperate guy?…

And anyhew, enough with the bitter denial and grossness of my eternal virginity. This tweak I’m about to write deals with error pop-up messages when you boot up your computer. By checking out HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Control\Windows, you can rid yourself of all those pesky demons and computer gremlins that haunt you every time you boot, or at least, you can automatically hide them and pretend like your computer isn’t going to die the very next day. Make a new DWORD variable named "NoPopUpsOnBoot" and give it a value of 1. This short tweak and dweak should curb and cure your start-up problems, or at least sweep them under the rug. And as a guy, when we can’t quick solve a problem within five minutes, we all know hiding our failures is the best and only way to go…

 

 

- Internet Explorer, MSN Messenger, Adware, & Miscellaneous Tweaks -

First came ICQ, then AIM... now MSN has arrived, forever changing the meaning of 'Don't Shoot the Messenger'

Hmm… I always complain that I never get flamed, even though I write some of the crappiest stuff on the internet today. I always complain that I never got the IluvYou virus, or the Sircam virus, or even that AnnaKournikova virus that I would’ve surely infected my computer with, if only to see a pic of her that I probably already have on my hard-drive… But I just checked my god-awful MSN account, and it turned out that somebody out there actually sent me the Klez virus that’s been circulating for months without end… and, well, simply put… aptly put… Cool…

It’s too bad I didn’t write down that spammer’s e-mail address here before I deleted his junk mail. However, I will note that as soon as I went into my hotmail account, that damn stupid MSN Messenger revitalized itself and started running like it always does at a Microsoft site. And honesty, doesn’t that piss you off? Not only does it freeze your internet browsing for nearly an entire second, but you’re forced to close your IE browser before you can close that damn MSN Messenger icon with it. So how can a young Messenger Slayer prevent all this? Go to the registry and find HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\CLSID\{F3A614DC-ABE0-11d2-A441-00C04F795683}\LocalServer32. Find the line that has "MSMSGS.EXE" in it, and delete it. Delete the whole line, and you’ll be free of MSN Messenger, the worst virus known to humanity.

Or if searching through regedit is too much to handle, use the Run command in the Start Menu to type in this: RUNDLL32 ADVPACK.DLL,LaunchINFSection %windir%\INF\MSMSGS.INF,BLC.Remove. However, I just did try this run command on my Win9x system, and it just happened to delete my brother’s MSN account, so be wary of my advice at all costs. I can’t exactly guarantee that this tweak will work. Then again, since I don’t have XP, I guess I don’t know if any of the tweaks I post are even real… hmm… I guess that could put a real damper on my dangerous attempts at getting that Pulitzer Prize…

WinXP is said to be the most stable OS yet, and yet Microsoft promotes it with Flying Kids & Pigs?

Was up wit dat?...But anyhew I’ll try to keep this tweak short and sweat… although, um, I kind of meant short and sweet, but it’s just really hot in my house right now. As mentioned in some other tweak on this page, the air conditioner in my house is busted, and it’s almost 40 degrees celsius inside my house… in Canada, of all places! In bloody hell, Canada! And, well… I feel it every spring when the heat starts crushing back for the summer. I get horny. Real horny. And it’s always around spring that I find a new crush, or at least, reinforce an old one. Science shows we still obey the laws of pheromones, although who knows by how much? And another thing biology has shown, is that when we sweat, the hormones of our sex drive go into full swing, and it’s just so goddam discouraging for me every year to know that I’ll fall in lust, but never fall in love, or anything I’d remotely call love since as a virgin, I have no choice but to believe in fairy tales of chivalry and true love. And unfortunately, when I first started liking the girls that I once did, they too believed in true love… but after being spurned by ugly men like me for years upon years, they all reverted to what they deemed "experimentation". Some went for the oldest guys they could, some went for every single guy they could find, and some even paid a lovely, overdue visit to the highly acclaimed, Greek island of Lesbos, but that’s a story for another day of whining and pining…

Anyhew, what I’m trying to get at is that Internet Explorer is substantially slowed down by constantly searching for scheduled tasks on networks and the internet. To improve browsing speed, you can disable this by paying your dues to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Explorer\RemoteComputer\NameSpace. There you’ll find a value with the common name of "{D6277990-4C6A-11CF-8D87-00AA0060F5BF}". Delete the whole thing, and check if you actually tell a 1% speed difference in that internet connection of yours. I used to convince myself that changing the MTU values actually did work. Then my Windows got screwed, I reinstalled with default values, and my internet worked faster than ever before. So short story short, the more you tweak, the more you mess up, and the slower your computer gets. But that’s alright. The fun part is getting it to run almost as fast as it was originally supposed to again.

DNS? 'Domain Names Suck?' 'MS: Do Not Sabatoge?' 'Damn Newbie Spammers?'... I'm drawing a blank...

Goddam my noname sites suck... And oh, that's what it means! But, um, nevermind... I’ve never really known what the DNS Cache does… DNS stands for Domain Name whatever, and cache stands for… well, cache… I suppose that the DNS cache therefore, um, caches DNS thingies, but I guess that definition is too definite and provocative for the inner scientist in us all… Anyhew, what I do know is that like any other cache, increasing the max size normally increases system performance, as long as you’ve got the RAM and CPU power to handle it. So if you want to improve loading time of website lookups, go in the registry to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\Dnscache\Parameters and modify "CacheHashTableBucketSize" to 384. Don’t ask me why… Then find "CacheHashTableSize" and change that to 64000 for no apparent reason, modify "MaxCacheEntryTtlLimit" to 301, and then change the perfectly good "MaxSOACacheEntryTtlLimit" to a very inadequate value of 300. And if you’re wondering why these specific values are the correct values of optimization, don’t. Don’t think. Tweaking has never been about thinking. It’s about bragging, confirmation bias, and seeing what you want to see. And that’s why the tweaking phase I grew up with is gone. The bragging rights now come from hardware smoldering, not from registry and bios tweaking. Software tweaking was just a fad, just like hardware tweaking is a dying fad. That’s why I had to move on, and it’s a shame really. I lived a life of lies, and left a life of a long, lost art… of tweaks and dweaks, and so much more… and now it’s time for me to cry…

And you see? Sob!… No, I mean, SOB! I’m thinking too much, and that’s simply wrong for a computer tweaker to do! An optimization is just an optimization, no questions asked, and absolutely no doot aboot it. Got it? Good. And since this is the final dweak on this page, a good luck, a Good Will Hunting, and God Bless Us, Everyone to you too.

 

 

And just as a farewell easter egg to those few dweakers out there who watch WWF/WWE wrestling like I do, I might as well post a little thing here stolen from a forum not long ago, telling hints at how you know you've been watching too much wrestling (and check my http://noname.mycrowsoft.com site for more wrestling crap if you're interested)...

- If you're in a restaurant and you told the waiter to "Just Bring It" -
- If the term "Walls of Jericho" has no religious implication to you whatsoever -
- If you hear the alarm clock and "kick out" of bed -
- If you're sleeping and get a cramp, you "tap out" -
- If you have the sudden compulsion to scream "WOOOOO" when you hear the theme from 2001: a Space Odyssey -
- As you walk up to get your diploma and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience,
____________ shout "Ooooooh Yeeeaaahhh!", and snap into a Slim Jim -
- You purposely blade yourself while shaving -
- You hold regularly scheduled matches with your stuffed animals, including a monthly PPV called "In Your Room" -
- Everytime you hear "Sucka!", you look at your hands -
- Every time someone slaps you on the back, you sell it like it was a devastating blow -
- You believe that every sports game you're playing is "the most anticipated match in the history of the sport" -
- You see that your friend didn't shave, and you wonder if he's turning heel -
- Monday Nights are for Raw, not football -
- You have your friends arrested, then tell them it was all an angle -
- When the microwave buzzer goes off, you lay the smackdown on all your parents -
- Your idea of trying out a new chair is smashing it over someone's head -
- When dinner is ready your mom pushes you with a crazed look, you ask what? And she yells: "SET THE TABLE!" -

... Tweaking and Dweaking for the broadband-impaired since March 15th, 2000...